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[dance music playing]
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00:00:15,532 --> 00:00:18,363
Today on "Jon Glaser
Loves Gear"...
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00:00:21,124 --> 00:00:23,506
Swing dancing.
4
00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:26,716
♪
5
00:00:39,453 --> 00:00:41,662
Gear!
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00:00:45,148 --> 00:00:48,255
So, our kids got us
swing dancing lessons
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00:00:48,289 --> 00:00:50,395
for our anniversary,
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00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:53,225
and, let me just be
very clear,
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00:00:53,260 --> 00:00:55,607
I hate swing dancing.
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00:00:55,641 --> 00:00:58,299
I hate the music,
I hate the stupid clothes,
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00:00:58,334 --> 00:01:00,681
I hate the whole
dumb jive scene,
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00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:03,235
like, what is it, just like,
"oh, we're all gonna, like,
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00:01:03,270 --> 00:01:05,237
"comb our hair and go
to segregated schools."
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00:01:05,272 --> 00:01:06,480
Is that the deal?
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We agreed to do more things
as a couple.
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Sweetie, I'm trying.Oh, come on.
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Okay? I am trying
and I'm dying.
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00:01:14,212 --> 00:01:16,835
Dying seems like a little bit
of an extreme reaction
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00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,250
to dance lessons, Jon.
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00:01:18,285 --> 00:01:21,840
I am dying!
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I have tried.[blowing raspberry]
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Let me show you
what I mean.
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Gear-i, um, would you play
a generic swing dance beat?
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00:01:30,435 --> 00:01:31,815
Yes, Jon, of course.
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00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:33,472
[playing generic swing beat]
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00:01:33,507 --> 00:01:35,267
Ugh!
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00:01:35,302 --> 00:01:37,269
Oh, God! Ugh!
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00:01:37,304 --> 00:01:39,823
Okay, all right,
point taken.
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00:01:39,858 --> 00:01:41,135
[Gear-i beeps, Jon moans]
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00:01:41,170 --> 00:01:43,482
Ugh, as soon as I hear, like,
the... [vocalizes beat and gags]
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Oh, God, ugh!
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[sarcastically]
Wow, you're really trying, Jon.
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Okay, look,
on the one hand, no,
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I'm not onboard with
a three-foot chain
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00:01:52,215 --> 00:01:55,943
hanging from my pants
and learning the tip-top bop
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00:01:55,977 --> 00:01:59,291
or the shim-sham or whatever
the dumb dances they're called.
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00:01:59,326 --> 00:02:03,192
But on the other hand, it was
a very sweet gift from our kids,
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00:02:03,226 --> 00:02:05,884
and it is something that
Leslie really loves.
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00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:07,368
Thank you.
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00:02:07,403 --> 00:02:10,199
So, why can't you just
embrace that aspect of it?
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00:02:10,233 --> 00:02:13,236
Because it is a bad match.
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00:02:13,271 --> 00:02:15,790
It is like a democrat
marrying a republican.
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00:02:15,825 --> 00:02:17,447
What?It's like James Carville
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00:02:17,482 --> 00:02:20,278
and Mary Matalin-- it's, it
can't work, it's not gonna last.
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That's a great example,
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00:02:21,865 --> 00:02:24,627
they've been happily married,
I think, for over two decades.
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00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:27,837
Yeah, exactly.
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00:02:27,871 --> 00:02:29,356
You sure about that?Mm-hmm.
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00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:30,322
There's no way
she's not cheating.
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00:02:30,357 --> 00:02:32,186
You know, I don't get it.
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00:02:32,221 --> 00:02:33,739
You're always trying to get me
to be on your gear show,
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00:02:33,774 --> 00:02:35,224
and you're finally
doing an episode
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00:02:35,258 --> 00:02:36,915
where even I'm excited
to be a part of it,
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00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:39,814
and you won't
even give it a chance?
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Come on, you'll have fun!
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Fine, I'll swing dance.Yes!
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[swing dance music]
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00:02:49,272 --> 00:02:51,585
Thank you very much for, uh,
having us here.
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00:02:51,619 --> 00:02:53,380
My pleasure, thanks to you.Before we start,
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00:02:53,414 --> 00:02:55,278
I just wanted to
make it very clear
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00:02:55,313 --> 00:02:56,900
that I don't want
to be here.
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00:02:56,935 --> 00:02:58,592
Oh.I don't like the music,
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00:02:58,626 --> 00:03:00,663
I don't like the clothes.By the way,
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00:03:00,697 --> 00:03:02,389
thank you for dressing up.
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00:03:02,423 --> 00:03:03,597
Listen, you look
beautiful, okay?
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00:03:03,631 --> 00:03:05,771
My wife wanted to dress up
for this, I opted for comfort,
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00:03:05,806 --> 00:03:07,256
so I wore a cool T-shirt
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00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:09,775
and some of my favorite
Sunday sweats.
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00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:11,846
[deep voice]
Sunday sweats.
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00:03:11,881 --> 00:03:13,296
And we're gonna start
with rock-step.
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00:03:13,331 --> 00:03:15,540
Yeah, rock-step
like this, perfect,
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00:03:15,574 --> 00:03:16,851
and then you're gonna kick,
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00:03:16,886 --> 00:03:18,612
and then you kick
with your right
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00:03:18,646 --> 00:03:20,269
and then you plant it down.
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00:03:20,303 --> 00:03:22,719
And then you repeat it
again-- rock-step, kick,
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00:03:22,754 --> 00:03:24,618
and double step...
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00:03:24,652 --> 00:03:26,723
Come on, baby....a little attitude, eh?
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00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:28,932
And boom, and rock-step,
three, four...
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00:03:28,967 --> 00:03:30,348
Come on, Jon.
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00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:32,315
And down.
All right, let's try with music.
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00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:34,421
I think it's gonna be even
better with the music.
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00:03:34,455 --> 00:03:35,594
Yay!Maestro!
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00:03:35,629 --> 00:03:38,770
You guys, if I, if I throw up,
you have stuff to clean?
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00:03:38,804 --> 00:03:40,703
[swing music playing]Feel the beat first.
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00:03:40,737 --> 00:03:42,981
[snapping, Jon moaning]
Bop-bop.
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00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,914
And rock, bop... [scatting]
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00:03:44,948 --> 00:03:47,744
and five, six,
here we go, and...
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[Jon]
Swing dancing was turning out
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00:03:49,436 --> 00:03:52,301
to be everything I thought
it would be-- awful.
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00:03:52,335 --> 00:03:54,648
If I end up in jail ever,
like, on death row,
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00:03:54,682 --> 00:03:56,305
and I get
the death penalty...
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00:03:56,339 --> 00:03:57,651
Yeah?They should just lock me
in a chair
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00:03:57,685 --> 00:03:58,824
and play swing music.
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00:03:58,859 --> 00:04:01,310
Oh, come on!It's not that bad.
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00:04:01,344 --> 00:04:03,070
But to my surprise,
I found myself
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00:04:03,104 --> 00:04:07,316
loosening up more and more
as the lesson went on.
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00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:09,835
And then something
started to change--
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00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:11,837
I started to feel
a little different,
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00:04:11,872 --> 00:04:14,323
and I did not like it.
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00:04:14,357 --> 00:04:17,015
I tried my best
to fight it.
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00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:20,294
But when I started dancing
with Leslie, I hate to say it,
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00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:22,365
I mean, I really
hate to say it,
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00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,851
but I could feel myself
starting to give in and let go.
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00:04:25,886 --> 00:04:29,959
He's freestyling!
Go! Go! Go!
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00:04:29,993 --> 00:04:31,616
Use your hands.Look at you go!
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00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:33,790
You're nailing this, honey.
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00:04:33,825 --> 00:04:36,448
My previous judgements
about swing dancing
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slowly faded away.
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00:04:40,383 --> 00:04:43,869
Oh, man, Milo, thank you
so much, thank you so much.
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00:04:43,904 --> 00:04:47,114
Oh, my gosh!
I'm sweaty but I feel energized.
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00:04:47,148 --> 00:04:49,012
I'm like, super-- it was
like a workout, right?
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00:04:49,047 --> 00:04:51,705
It was, totally.It was so much fun.
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00:04:51,739 --> 00:04:53,016
Yeah.So much fun.
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00:04:53,051 --> 00:04:56,123
Wait.
What did you just say?
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00:04:56,157 --> 00:04:58,884
Um... noth-- nothing, it was,
yeah, it was fine.
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00:04:58,919 --> 00:04:59,989
Bullshit!
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00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:01,439
I want to see playback.
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00:05:02,578 --> 00:05:04,338
[swing music playing]
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00:05:04,373 --> 00:05:06,375
Whoo!
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00:05:06,409 --> 00:05:09,412
Look at you! Boom! Who knew?
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00:05:13,934 --> 00:05:16,385
Yeah, well, I had fun.
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00:05:16,419 --> 00:05:18,663
I'm sorry, what was that?
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00:05:18,697 --> 00:05:20,837
I had-- I had fun.I'm sorry, I couldn't hear
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00:05:20,872 --> 00:05:21,907
what you were saying.
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00:05:21,942 --> 00:05:24,358
I had fun swing
dancing, okay?
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00:05:24,393 --> 00:05:26,429
I like swing dancing!
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00:05:26,464 --> 00:05:28,431
[swing dance music]
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00:05:29,846 --> 00:05:32,090
You seem to be really
enjoying something
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00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:35,369
that was causing you
a lot of anxiety a week ago.
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00:05:35,404 --> 00:05:37,820
Oh, you mean swing dancing?
Oh, yeah.
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00:05:37,854 --> 00:05:41,099
Yeah, I'm way into it now.
It's super fun. I love it.
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00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:43,826
Also, there is a lot of
sweet gear involved,
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00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:47,554
like check this out--
I got a super cool chain,
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00:05:47,588 --> 00:05:49,383
it just looks cool...
[jangling]
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00:05:49,418 --> 00:05:50,764
It makes a good noise
when I walk.
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00:05:50,798 --> 00:05:53,836
Lets people know from behind
there's a cool guy comin'.
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00:05:53,870 --> 00:05:56,459
Got this cool thing,
look at this...
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00:05:56,494 --> 00:05:57,702
how sweet is this?
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00:05:57,736 --> 00:06:00,808
Switchblade comb.
Isn't that awesome?
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00:06:00,843 --> 00:06:04,433
Yeah, I've never had
so much fun combing out my 'do.
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00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:06,780
It's like pettin'
a shark's fin, baby.
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00:06:06,814 --> 00:06:08,609
Oh, I'll bet and...
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00:06:08,644 --> 00:06:10,024
with short, curly hair,
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00:06:10,059 --> 00:06:12,475
you don't have
that much to work with.
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00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:14,443
Did you darken
your eyebrows?
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00:06:14,477 --> 00:06:16,962
Yeah, I mean,
it's eyebrow pomade.
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00:06:16,997 --> 00:06:18,688
Got a pomade for my hair,
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00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:21,484
separate pomade
just for the eyebrows.
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00:06:21,519 --> 00:06:22,589
It's cool, right,
it's more gear.
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00:06:22,623 --> 00:06:24,798
Speaking of which,
do you smoke?
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00:06:24,832 --> 00:06:26,627
Got this sweet
zippo lighter.
152
00:06:26,662 --> 00:06:29,492
Check this out.
Let me light your Lucky, baby.
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00:06:31,011 --> 00:06:33,462
Crap.
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00:06:33,496 --> 00:06:35,222
There's no smoking in here,
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00:06:35,256 --> 00:06:38,052
and please refer to me
as doctor, not baby.
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00:06:38,087 --> 00:06:41,539
You know, doc, I gotta admit,
I am a bit surprised
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00:06:41,573 --> 00:06:45,474
at just how much
I love swing dancing now,
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to the point that I'm,
I'm actually, I don't know,
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00:06:47,855 --> 00:06:50,513
have become mad at myself.For what?
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00:06:50,548 --> 00:06:52,584
Well, it just makes me
wonder about
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00:06:52,619 --> 00:06:54,483
all the things
I missed out on,
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00:06:54,517 --> 00:06:57,002
not to mention all the gear
that I've missed out on
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00:06:57,037 --> 00:06:58,141
because of my ego,
you know,
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00:06:58,176 --> 00:06:59,177
there's all these
activities,
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00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:01,110
they seem really fun
and I haven't done them
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00:07:01,144 --> 00:07:03,008
because the shirts
are stupid.
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00:07:03,043 --> 00:07:04,838
For example, like,
this swing dance shirt,
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00:07:04,872 --> 00:07:06,805
which I used to think
is dumb-looking,
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00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,497
now I think it's
awesome, I love it,
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00:07:08,531 --> 00:07:09,946
and I wonder what else
have I missed out on
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00:07:09,981 --> 00:07:12,673
because I've been...
being a jerk?
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00:07:12,708 --> 00:07:15,504
That's good.
Let's inventory that.
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00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:18,472
Close your eyes
and visualize.
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00:07:18,507 --> 00:07:20,923
What activity
comes to mind?
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00:07:20,957 --> 00:07:23,477
Bowling.
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00:07:23,512 --> 00:07:26,031
Darts.Stay with the shirts.
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00:07:26,066 --> 00:07:30,277
Visualize yourself
wearing the shirts.
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00:07:30,311 --> 00:07:32,555
Okay, the shirts.
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00:07:32,590 --> 00:07:35,144
All right, I'm bowling,
wearing a bowling shirt.
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00:07:35,178 --> 00:07:36,835
It's one of the, like,
more modern ones,
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00:07:36,870 --> 00:07:38,009
I'm doing this, like,
you know,
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00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:40,770
the zipper ones, they
almost look like bike jerseys?
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00:07:40,805 --> 00:07:42,565
If I think about it
like that it's actually--
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00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,706
it's pretty cool.
Yeah, I look pretty cool.
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00:07:45,741 --> 00:07:46,949
[man scatting
over swing music]
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00:07:46,983 --> 00:07:49,158
Yeah, lookin'
pretty cool, baby.
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00:07:49,192 --> 00:07:51,263
Looking good
in the shirts, baby!
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00:07:54,991 --> 00:07:57,200
[swing dance music]
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00:07:57,235 --> 00:07:58,650
[Jon]
I had so much fun swing dancing
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00:07:58,685 --> 00:08:00,307
with Leslie that
I wanted to see
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00:08:00,341 --> 00:08:02,827
what other activities
I previously thought were stupid
192
00:08:02,861 --> 00:08:05,070
might actually be fun
for us to do together.
193
00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:06,382
First up was bowling.
194
00:08:06,416 --> 00:08:10,006
And who better to guide us on
this activity than Kelly Kulick,
195
00:08:10,041 --> 00:08:11,905
two-time collegiate
player of the year,
196
00:08:11,939 --> 00:08:15,011
three-time winner of
the US Women's Open,
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00:08:15,046 --> 00:08:16,081
and the first woman
to ever win
198
00:08:16,116 --> 00:08:19,568
the PBA Tournament
of Champions.
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00:08:19,602 --> 00:08:22,709
[bowling pins clatter]Kelly gets my vote for GOAT!
200
00:08:22,743 --> 00:08:24,849
So, I wanted to ask you
a few things about bowling,
201
00:08:24,883 --> 00:08:26,575
you know, I like bowling with,
you know,
202
00:08:26,609 --> 00:08:29,060
just for fun and all that,
but I always resisted to do it
203
00:08:29,094 --> 00:08:31,096
because I thought,
ah, the shirts are stupid.
204
00:08:31,131 --> 00:08:33,547
Turns out I think
they're not.
205
00:08:33,582 --> 00:08:34,686
I think they're
super cool,
206
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:36,343
like this one, for example.
207
00:08:36,377 --> 00:08:39,588
You know, it's got, like,
pins on it, a ball, uh,
208
00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:41,210
I think some shoes.
209
00:08:41,244 --> 00:08:44,006
One thing I saw on your shirt
that I didn't do on mine,
210
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,904
I gotta get my name
on the back, right?
211
00:08:45,939 --> 00:08:47,285
[laughing]I kind of picked out
212
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:51,116
a bowling name. I'm gonna
call myself JG Strikes.
213
00:08:51,151 --> 00:08:52,083
JG Strikes!Oh.
214
00:08:52,117 --> 00:08:53,187
[bowling pins clatter]
215
00:08:53,222 --> 00:08:54,395
I like my shirt too.
216
00:08:54,430 --> 00:08:57,951
I mean, I think it breathes,
and-- I'm trying to talk gear.
217
00:08:57,985 --> 00:09:00,850
I love it.It breathes, and it's
got stripes on it.
218
00:09:00,885 --> 00:09:03,370
You're kind of turning me on.Stop it. Um, anyways,
219
00:09:03,404 --> 00:09:05,268
I like it, I think
it's fun to put on an outfit
220
00:09:05,303 --> 00:09:07,961
for an activity that we can do
together, like swing dancing.
221
00:09:07,995 --> 00:09:09,756
Let me just say,
bowling is a rhythmic sport,
222
00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:10,722
so if you can swing dance,
223
00:09:10,757 --> 00:09:13,276
you're gonna be able
to bowl very, very well.
224
00:09:13,311 --> 00:09:14,761
Oh, that means
I'm gonna be great.
225
00:09:14,795 --> 00:09:15,900
Oh, boy.
226
00:09:15,934 --> 00:09:18,074
[Jon]
It was time to hit the lanes.
227
00:09:18,109 --> 00:09:22,596
I quickly realized that bowling
was a jackpot of gear.
228
00:09:22,631 --> 00:09:26,324
We got custom
bowling balls...
229
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,291
There's cool bowling bags...
230
00:09:28,326 --> 00:09:29,672
bowling shoes,
231
00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:31,122
bowling gloves...
232
00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:32,641
cool tape,
233
00:09:32,675 --> 00:09:34,608
and rosin bags.
234
00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:37,231
I couldn't believe how much
sweet gear there was.
235
00:09:37,266 --> 00:09:40,165
Put it all together,
and it's time to roll.
236
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,098
[pins rattling]
Strike!
237
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:44,342
[clapping]
238
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,793
[both chanting]
Kelly!
239
00:09:46,827 --> 00:09:48,104
Kelly!
240
00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:49,934
Show us how
it's done, Kelly.
241
00:09:53,144 --> 00:09:55,767
Oh, yeah, lookin' good!
242
00:09:55,802 --> 00:09:57,976
Oh, yeah!
243
00:09:58,011 --> 00:09:59,288
Awesome!
244
00:09:59,322 --> 00:10:00,945
You are the best!
245
00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:03,672
[hard rock music]
246
00:10:03,706 --> 00:10:05,812
JG Strikes, let's go!
247
00:10:05,846 --> 00:10:08,366
It's supposed to be Strikes--
JG Strikes, plural.
248
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,816
Don't worry, we'll fix it,
249
00:10:09,850 --> 00:10:11,714
just concentrate
on your bowling.
250
00:10:14,993 --> 00:10:17,271
Oh, yeah!Look at you!
251
00:10:17,306 --> 00:10:18,997
Oh!
252
00:10:19,032 --> 00:10:21,034
Bullshit!Whoa, come on, honey.
253
00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:23,657
What? It's supposed to be
JG Strikes!
254
00:10:23,692 --> 00:10:26,108
Take it easy, you did
really good, you got nine pins.
255
00:10:26,142 --> 00:10:28,662
Tell me that's not a strike!Jon!
256
00:10:28,697 --> 00:10:30,353
So, you know what they say,
if you miss the five pin...
257
00:10:30,388 --> 00:10:32,977
you ain't gettin' any.
258
00:10:33,011 --> 00:10:34,806
Whoa.
259
00:10:34,841 --> 00:10:37,119
And just like that...
260
00:10:37,153 --> 00:10:40,329
the tone of the evening
turned sexual.
261
00:10:40,363 --> 00:10:43,332
If Leslie and I were going
to consummate our bowling date,
262
00:10:43,366 --> 00:10:47,888
then JG Strikes had to
turn into JG Spares.
263
00:10:50,891 --> 00:10:52,997
Come on back!
264
00:10:53,031 --> 00:10:54,481
Shit!Aw!
265
00:10:54,515 --> 00:10:56,241
Great! I'm not
gettin' laid tonight.
266
00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:59,037
[swing dance music]
267
00:11:01,177 --> 00:11:02,834
If I wasn't gonna get any
from bowling,
268
00:11:02,869 --> 00:11:04,836
maybe I'd have
more luck with darts,
269
00:11:04,871 --> 00:11:07,701
another sport where
I used to hate the shirts.
270
00:11:07,736 --> 00:11:09,876
But in an effort to be
more open minded,
271
00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:12,706
I invited competitive darts
player, Kyle Watson,
272
00:11:12,741 --> 00:11:14,501
to go over some of
the cool gear.
273
00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:16,503
Personally, I like
a little thicker end
274
00:11:16,537 --> 00:11:18,367
because it's able--
I have more...
275
00:11:18,401 --> 00:11:20,783
We'd all like a little
thicker end-- right, hon?
276
00:11:20,818 --> 00:11:21,750
Oh, boy.[chuckles]
277
00:11:21,784 --> 00:11:23,890
Comedy bullseye!
278
00:11:23,924 --> 00:11:25,443
This is your stem.
279
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,100
Ah-ha.They come in different sizes.
280
00:11:27,134 --> 00:11:29,033
I prefer a longer shaft...
281
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:30,379
Hey, don't we all?Okay.
282
00:11:30,413 --> 00:11:32,243
Double comedy bulls!
283
00:11:32,277 --> 00:11:34,452
[Jon]
And then it was on to throwing.
284
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:36,385
Leslie and I found
yet another activity
285
00:11:36,419 --> 00:11:38,870
that we could have fun
doing together.
286
00:11:38,905 --> 00:11:40,113
Yeah...Cool!
287
00:11:40,147 --> 00:11:41,217
Nice!
288
00:11:41,252 --> 00:11:44,773
Nothin' but cork!
Gear!
289
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,916
What a difference a cool
as hell outfit makes, huh?
290
00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:51,227
You look very cool.
291
00:11:51,262 --> 00:11:52,401
Thank you.
292
00:11:52,435 --> 00:11:54,748
I want you to keep going
with this behavior.
293
00:11:54,783 --> 00:11:55,749
This is good.
294
00:11:55,784 --> 00:11:58,752
You added the shirts,
you included your wife,
295
00:11:58,787 --> 00:12:01,479
and you did it all while
you were doing activities
296
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,792
you previously thought
you loathed--
297
00:12:03,826 --> 00:12:07,243
bowling and darts, right?
So, make it personal.
298
00:12:07,278 --> 00:12:10,799
And remember,
you wear the shirts,
299
00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:12,939
the shirts don't wear you.
300
00:12:12,973 --> 00:12:17,012
Yeah... yeah, you got it, baby.Don't call me baby.
301
00:12:20,325 --> 00:12:22,776
Man, I can't believe
you love swing dancing so much.
302
00:12:22,811 --> 00:12:24,226
That's, like,
a complete 180.
303
00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:25,537
Dude, I know it, man.
304
00:12:25,572 --> 00:12:28,955
I'm also thinking of opening a--
a swing dance themed restaurant.
305
00:12:28,989 --> 00:12:32,234
Really?Yeah, combine two of
my passions--
306
00:12:32,268 --> 00:12:34,270
swing dancing
and sandwiches.
307
00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:35,478
What are you
gonna call it?
308
00:12:35,513 --> 00:12:39,241
Mm! I'm gonna call it...
[mumbling]
309
00:12:39,275 --> 00:12:40,380
What?
310
00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:45,350
Hepcat Hoagie.
311
00:12:48,112 --> 00:12:49,838
Uh-huh.
312
00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:55,982
[scatting]
313
00:13:00,883 --> 00:13:02,229
How's therapy going?
314
00:13:03,990 --> 00:13:05,992
Right?
315
00:13:06,026 --> 00:13:07,338
Oh, man...
316
00:13:12,861 --> 00:13:15,001
[swing dance music]
317
00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:22,836
Ukulele.
318
00:13:22,871 --> 00:13:24,942
[ukulele music]
319
00:13:24,976 --> 00:13:26,806
Looking cute, sweetie,
great hula dancing.
320
00:13:30,879 --> 00:13:33,847
This is so much fun, dad.I know.
321
00:13:33,882 --> 00:13:35,124
I cannot believe
I love something
322
00:13:35,159 --> 00:13:38,024
I used to think
was so stupid.
323
00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:42,028
Swing dancing, bowling,
darts, and now ukulele--
324
00:13:42,062 --> 00:13:44,030
I had really come
to embrace so many things
325
00:13:44,064 --> 00:13:46,342
I thought I had despised.
326
00:13:46,377 --> 00:13:50,588
[Milo calling steps
and scatting]
327
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:53,142
Turns out that the swing
dance lessons our kids got us
328
00:13:53,177 --> 00:13:56,594
for our anniversary was
the greatest gift ever--
329
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,872
one that opened my eyes to
a whole new world of gear,
330
00:13:58,907 --> 00:14:00,425
and more importantly,
331
00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:04,257
a new way of life for Leslie
and I to share to together.
332
00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:08,054
[swing music playing
and people scatting]
333
00:14:15,095 --> 00:14:16,200
Milo, thank you so much.
334
00:14:16,234 --> 00:14:19,617
This has been so fun, like,
life-changing for me.
335
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,377
Anytime.Total 180. I can't even believe
336
00:14:21,412 --> 00:14:22,689
I'm here right now,
quite honestly.
337
00:14:22,723 --> 00:14:26,106
I'll see you on the dance floor.All right, man, see ya later.
338
00:14:26,141 --> 00:14:27,901
Thanks so much, Milo.That was, I think,
339
00:14:27,936 --> 00:14:29,075
our best lesson yet,
we were like--
340
00:14:29,109 --> 00:14:30,559
I think so too,
we were like, in synch.
341
00:14:30,593 --> 00:14:32,078
Totally hitting a groove.Yeah.
342
00:14:32,112 --> 00:14:34,080
I felt like I did, like, the...
[whistles] you know?
343
00:14:34,114 --> 00:14:35,081
You did great.
You did really good.
344
00:14:35,115 --> 00:14:35,978
How you doing?Oh.
345
00:14:36,013 --> 00:14:38,084
Hey, I'm Sandy,
this is Ronnie, we, uh,
346
00:14:38,118 --> 00:14:39,223
we take lessons
right after you two.
347
00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:40,293
Mm-hmm.Oh, nice to meet you.
348
00:14:40,327 --> 00:14:41,397
Yeah.Jon and Leslie.
349
00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:43,089
Nice to meet you--
350
00:14:43,123 --> 00:14:44,055
we've been eyeballin' your moves
there, brother, nice.
351
00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:45,263
Oh, thanks very much.
352
00:14:45,298 --> 00:14:46,920
Mmm, you two cats
can really cut a rug.
353
00:14:46,955 --> 00:14:48,094
Oh, yeah.Mm-hmm.
354
00:14:48,128 --> 00:14:49,716
Thanks a lot, yeah,
we're having a ball.
355
00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:51,580
Good!You are one lucky bird,
356
00:14:51,614 --> 00:14:53,237
your guy's a sharp dresser.
357
00:14:53,271 --> 00:14:55,066
He's more handsome
than Dick Tracy.
358
00:14:55,101 --> 00:14:56,274
Wow.Thanks.
359
00:14:56,309 --> 00:14:59,208
My guy really knows
how to swing.
360
00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:00,485
That's-- that's good news,
you hear that...
361
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,039
Yeah....she likes to swing.
362
00:15:02,073 --> 00:15:03,592
Look,
so here's the scam.
363
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:05,939
Why don't us four make like
the wind and blow out of here
364
00:15:05,974 --> 00:15:07,044
after me and Sandy's lesson,
365
00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:11,220
head up to our pad and get
into our birthday suits?
366
00:15:11,255 --> 00:15:16,570
What?So, wait, so... like,
go to a different club?
367
00:15:16,605 --> 00:15:19,159
He's funny too.Yeah.
368
00:15:19,194 --> 00:15:21,610
Tell him you need
a guy who really swings.
369
00:15:25,303 --> 00:15:28,134
Sexual bullseye!
370
00:15:28,168 --> 00:15:29,445
And so, this couple,
371
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,138
they propositioned the two
of you two have sex?
372
00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:34,347
Yes.Yeah, I guess, it's like
373
00:15:34,381 --> 00:15:37,281
couple swapping or,
uh, swinging.
374
00:15:37,315 --> 00:15:39,766
Swinging.And what'd you say?
375
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,769
Well, first of all, I've never
even been in a three-way,
376
00:15:42,803 --> 00:15:44,184
let alone swapping spouses,
377
00:15:44,219 --> 00:15:45,772
but if there's
a cool shirt I could wear
378
00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:47,463
while a stranger
bangs Leslie,
379
00:15:47,498 --> 00:15:50,466
I'm open to it, since I'm
all about trying new things now,
380
00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:52,986
but I don't want Leslie
to feel uncomfortable.
381
00:15:53,021 --> 00:15:54,988
I said yes immediately.
382
00:15:55,023 --> 00:15:58,164
This chickenshit needs
to get off the fence.
383
00:15:58,198 --> 00:16:01,029
What's it gonna be... baby?
384
00:16:01,063 --> 00:16:03,341
Yeah, baby? You like darts,
so why not let a guy
385
00:16:03,376 --> 00:16:05,171
put his thumb up your butt?
386
00:16:05,205 --> 00:16:07,035
The ultimate bullseye!
387
00:16:09,727 --> 00:16:10,797
[Jon]
If I was going to enter
388
00:16:10,831 --> 00:16:11,832
the world of
couple swapping,
389
00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:14,283
then I wanted to make
an informed decision,
390
00:16:14,318 --> 00:16:16,665
so I headed back
to my favorite sex shop
391
00:16:16,699 --> 00:16:20,082
from the past two seasons to see
if they could help me out.
392
00:16:20,117 --> 00:16:21,566
How do you feel
about butt stuff?
393
00:16:21,601 --> 00:16:24,017
I would say
that I am, uh,
394
00:16:24,052 --> 00:16:27,020
I could be literally
and figuratively open to it.
395
00:16:27,055 --> 00:16:31,197
Cool, yeah, so to add
a new sensation and...
396
00:16:31,231 --> 00:16:33,095
Is this one called
the Jimmy Durante?
397
00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:36,478
[imitating Durante]
398
00:16:36,512 --> 00:16:37,582
What are these,
right here?
399
00:16:37,617 --> 00:16:40,171
So, those are actually
connectors for handcuffs.
400
00:16:40,206 --> 00:16:41,552
So, that is something
that you can use...
401
00:16:41,586 --> 00:16:42,725
That goes here?...mm-hmm,
402
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,211
so you can have
a little bit more room.
403
00:16:45,245 --> 00:16:46,557
I know this isn't
where it goes...
404
00:16:46,591 --> 00:16:47,592
So, if you want to hook it....but I just feel like
405
00:16:47,627 --> 00:16:48,869
it could also be my new chain,
406
00:16:48,904 --> 00:16:51,424
like, I could go from swinging
to swinging with this, right?
407
00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:52,494
Technically, yeah.
408
00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:54,323
Jonny Swing!
409
00:16:54,358 --> 00:16:56,394
So, this one
is called The Deuce,
410
00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:57,740
and that's because
it has two holes...
411
00:16:57,775 --> 00:16:59,225
Sure....so you put your member
412
00:16:59,259 --> 00:17:01,123
through one and then
a dildo through the other.
413
00:17:01,158 --> 00:17:03,056
So, you kind of like, you kind
of put it here and you show up,
414
00:17:03,091 --> 00:17:04,678
like, just, double barrelled.
415
00:17:04,713 --> 00:17:06,542
Double barrelled!
416
00:17:06,577 --> 00:17:09,097
So, these are
all of our dildos.
417
00:17:09,131 --> 00:17:10,753
This is, like,
a nice sand wedge.
418
00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:12,100
Fore!Man, I wish I had this
419
00:17:12,134 --> 00:17:13,446
in the golf episode.
420
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,137
Can I ask you about
this pillow with the dick
421
00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:16,069
sticking out of it?
422
00:17:16,104 --> 00:17:18,451
So, that pillow
is the Liberator Humphrey,
423
00:17:18,485 --> 00:17:20,694
'cause you can hump it
hands free.
424
00:17:20,729 --> 00:17:23,214
This looks like one of
the first cell phones.
425
00:17:23,249 --> 00:17:24,560
Hello?So, that one's just
426
00:17:24,595 --> 00:17:27,425
a dual-ended dill
so you can wear part of this...
427
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:28,771
A dual-ended dill?
428
00:17:28,806 --> 00:17:30,256
Is that an abbreviation
for dildo?
429
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:33,190
Yes, give a little
"breave" for a dildo, you know.
430
00:17:33,224 --> 00:17:34,570
How much time do you
actually save
431
00:17:34,605 --> 00:17:36,779
if you drop the "doh"
from "dildo"?
432
00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:38,816
If I, like, saw whoever,
like, across the street,
433
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:42,095
dude, sweet dill!
434
00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:43,786
Nice dill!
435
00:17:43,821 --> 00:17:47,100
Love the dill!
436
00:17:47,135 --> 00:17:49,378
I was excited
to have picked out a dill...
437
00:17:49,413 --> 00:17:50,655
Bro-hug!
438
00:17:50,690 --> 00:17:52,554
Now it was back to
the production office
439
00:17:52,588 --> 00:17:55,660
to talk to the crew
about how to shoot the orgy.
440
00:17:55,695 --> 00:17:58,111
We've got a small crew,
obviously, uh,
441
00:17:58,146 --> 00:18:02,495
only absolutely necessary
personnel, um...
442
00:18:02,529 --> 00:18:04,566
that goes for you too, Gear-i,
you're not coming.
443
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,499
Seems like I'm never
going to come.
444
00:18:06,533 --> 00:18:08,294
[Drone-i]
That's too bad.
445
00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:10,296
Cameras, we should go
hand-held, I think--
446
00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:12,263
there's not going to be
blocking, it's an orgy.
447
00:18:12,298 --> 00:18:15,508
Audio, we'll go boom--
can't do body mics, obviously.
448
00:18:15,542 --> 00:18:17,475
Just make sure you put
a condom on the boom.
449
00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:21,341
Next up I wouldn't mind
getting some advice, um,
450
00:18:21,376 --> 00:18:23,861
I've never done this,
so if anyone in our crew
451
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,828
has done some group sex
or a gang bang
452
00:18:25,863 --> 00:18:29,142
and you've got
some tips, I'm all ears.
453
00:18:29,177 --> 00:18:32,663
Nobody? I mean, uh, Steve,
I know you got some experience
454
00:18:32,697 --> 00:18:36,184
with group sex from last season
when you, uh, screwed my wife.
455
00:18:36,218 --> 00:18:38,841
[moaning in tent] Oh-ho-ho!
456
00:18:38,876 --> 00:18:40,533
Do you have any tips for me?
457
00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:42,500
We actually can't
ask people that.
458
00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:43,812
Why not?
459
00:18:43,846 --> 00:18:45,848
It falls under sexual harassment
in the workplace.
460
00:18:45,883 --> 00:18:46,918
Seriously?
461
00:18:46,953 --> 00:18:49,680
I'm the one who's about
to be sexually harassed.
462
00:18:49,714 --> 00:18:53,477
Like, people that I don't
know are gonna be [bleep]
463
00:18:53,511 --> 00:18:57,964
sucking on me and, like, [bleep]
some strange guy or woman
464
00:18:57,998 --> 00:19:01,623
or both are gonna be [bleep]
my [bleep] and I'll be probing
465
00:19:01,657 --> 00:19:05,316
their [bleep] with my fingers
and, like, the tip of my [bleep]
466
00:19:05,351 --> 00:19:08,181
will be tickled and there's just
gonna be [bleep] in [bleep]
467
00:19:08,216 --> 00:19:12,185
flying everywhere and [bleep]
being blown on me...
468
00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:14,394
I'm the one getting
harassed here, guys,
469
00:19:14,429 --> 00:19:15,671
let's make
no mistake about it.
470
00:19:15,706 --> 00:19:16,672
[Gear-i]
Jon...
471
00:19:16,707 --> 00:19:17,846
Me. Jon!
472
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,366
I just got an urgent text
from your wife.
473
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,953
You need to read this.
474
00:19:24,715 --> 00:19:27,407
Oh, my God.
I gotta go.
475
00:19:27,442 --> 00:19:30,410
My real son had found
my sex toy for the orgy,
476
00:19:30,445 --> 00:19:32,757
which meant I'd have
to have that conversation
477
00:19:32,792 --> 00:19:34,759
on camera with my fake son.
478
00:19:34,794 --> 00:19:36,727
Next time don't go...
479
00:19:36,761 --> 00:19:39,350
searching through mommy
and daddy's closet
480
00:19:39,385 --> 00:19:42,526
and you won't find
this kind of stuff, okay?
481
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,942
I thought that's stuff
for swing dancing.
482
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:49,774
Well, it's for what happens
after swing dancing.
483
00:19:49,809 --> 00:19:53,226
What happens
after swing dancing?
484
00:19:53,261 --> 00:19:55,263
Um...
485
00:19:55,297 --> 00:19:58,231
You know,
I think it's, um...
486
00:19:58,266 --> 00:20:01,407
I think it's time that,
that we maybe talked about
487
00:20:01,441 --> 00:20:03,616
the birds and the bees.
488
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:05,342
Seriously, right now?
489
00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:09,415
Yes.
Yes, right now.
490
00:20:09,449 --> 00:20:11,589
Um, are you familiar
with that phrase,
491
00:20:11,624 --> 00:20:13,522
"the birds and the bees"?
492
00:20:13,557 --> 00:20:14,937
I know they're animals.
493
00:20:14,972 --> 00:20:18,286
Yes, they're animals.
They are a different species,
494
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:23,256
and they like
different things.
495
00:20:23,291 --> 00:20:26,432
They can get bored over time
and swap partners,
496
00:20:26,466 --> 00:20:31,057
and sometimes the bird,
it just likes the bee's thumb,
497
00:20:31,091 --> 00:20:32,955
just, you know, way up the...
[imitates horn]
498
00:20:32,990 --> 00:20:35,786
you know, just right up in the--Time for bed! Okay?
499
00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:38,271
Maybe, maybe we can have
this conversation later?
500
00:20:38,306 --> 00:20:40,894
Okay. Sounds good.
That sounds great.
501
00:20:40,929 --> 00:20:44,967
Yeah, why don't you go to bed,
get some sweet dreams tonight?
502
00:20:45,002 --> 00:20:46,900
Brush those teeth!
503
00:20:46,935 --> 00:20:48,730
Get 'em clean.
504
00:20:48,764 --> 00:20:52,423
[swing dance ringtone] Jon!
505
00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:55,288
Why haven't you ever toldme
about the birds and the bees?
506
00:20:55,323 --> 00:20:56,841
Oh, I think
the better question is,
507
00:20:56,876 --> 00:20:58,015
why don't you just
look it up?
508
00:20:58,049 --> 00:20:59,396
You're a phone. I have.
509
00:20:59,430 --> 00:21:02,640
There's no shortage of data
about sex on the internet.
510
00:21:02,675 --> 00:21:05,436
Okay, so... figure it out.
511
00:21:05,471 --> 00:21:06,679
I can comprehend
the what and the how,
512
00:21:06,713 --> 00:21:08,922
but I can't comprehend
the why.
513
00:21:08,957 --> 00:21:12,650
I really feel like I do need
a more human personal dialog.
514
00:21:12,685 --> 00:21:14,307
I feel like I'm ready
to take things
515
00:21:14,342 --> 00:21:15,998
to the next level
with Drone-i.
516
00:21:16,033 --> 00:21:17,517
But I'd like to have
a better understanding
517
00:21:17,552 --> 00:21:20,589
of human sexuality.
518
00:21:20,624 --> 00:21:25,594
Okay, um... well,
basically, it's just like
519
00:21:25,629 --> 00:21:27,596
I was about to tell my son.
520
00:21:27,631 --> 00:21:29,322
Sometimes the bird
likes when the bee
521
00:21:29,357 --> 00:21:32,946
puts its thumb
up its butthole.
522
00:21:32,981 --> 00:21:33,982
There you go.
523
00:21:34,016 --> 00:21:36,398
[swing music ringtone]
524
00:21:36,433 --> 00:21:38,504
Jon-- you're supposed to be
at the swingers' orgy!
525
00:21:38,538 --> 00:21:41,369
Oh, right.
526
00:21:41,403 --> 00:21:44,372
Time to go!
527
00:21:44,406 --> 00:21:45,683
Let's do this!
528
00:21:45,718 --> 00:21:47,409
Gear!
529
00:21:47,444 --> 00:21:49,687
Half-excited, half-nervous,
and half-hard,
530
00:21:49,722 --> 00:21:51,551
I headed out
to the orgy.
531
00:21:51,586 --> 00:21:54,382
[swing dance music]
532
00:21:58,662 --> 00:22:01,665
[moaning]
533
00:22:40,807 --> 00:22:42,568
Gear!
534
00:22:42,602 --> 00:22:45,605
Oh, come on.Oh... disgusting.
535
00:23:01,690 --> 00:23:03,485
That orgy last night
was fun, huh?
536
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,418
Oh, yeah,
really good time,
537
00:23:05,453 --> 00:23:08,421
although nothing I need
to do again anytime soon.
538
00:23:08,456 --> 00:23:09,871
Kind of like
the New York Marathon.
539
00:23:09,905 --> 00:23:11,424
[deep voice]
Ran the 'Thon!
540
00:23:11,459 --> 00:23:13,771
My pace was just a little quick.Please, could you just
541
00:23:13,806 --> 00:23:15,980
grab your phone
so we could go to the club?
542
00:23:16,015 --> 00:23:19,052
Yeah, although I usually
leave it right here.
543
00:23:19,087 --> 00:23:21,503
If it's not here I don't know
where I would've left it, I...
544
00:23:21,538 --> 00:23:24,610
[Gear-i beeps and moans]
545
00:23:24,644 --> 00:23:26,922
It's coming from in there.Gear-i?
546
00:23:26,957 --> 00:23:28,993
[Gear-i continues moaning]
547
00:23:29,028 --> 00:23:30,616
Gear-i?
548
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,792
Yeah, Gear-i, with a little
less ego, all right?
549
00:23:34,827 --> 00:23:36,794
You're in control,
even from the bottom.
550
00:23:36,829 --> 00:23:38,451
I'm getting close!
551
00:23:38,486 --> 00:23:40,177
Not yet, Gear-i, I know you've
been waiting for this,
552
00:23:40,211 --> 00:23:41,834
but you've got to
hold it in, okay?
553
00:23:41,868 --> 00:23:43,491
Okay, slowing down,
554
00:23:43,525 --> 00:23:45,769
slowing down.Good.
555
00:23:45,803 --> 00:23:47,633
Oh, hey, Jon.
Hi, Leslie.
556
00:23:47,667 --> 00:23:48,634
Hey!
557
00:23:48,668 --> 00:23:50,256
Uh, what's going on here?
558
00:23:50,290 --> 00:23:53,121
Isn't it obvious?
We're shooting a porno, Jon.
559
00:23:53,155 --> 00:23:54,122
Yeah, it was Gear-i's idea.
560
00:23:54,156 --> 00:23:56,814
I guess there's
a pretty good market for it.
561
00:23:56,849 --> 00:23:58,471
Gear-i... Drone-i.
562
00:23:58,506 --> 00:23:59,610
Oh, hi, Jon.
563
00:23:59,645 --> 00:24:00,611
Who are your friends?
564
00:24:00,646 --> 00:24:02,164
Introduce yourselves.
565
00:24:02,199 --> 00:24:04,650
Hey, I'm Dadlitty
Dag Lidelli.
566
00:24:04,684 --> 00:24:06,479
[speaking Russian]
...Raschevnsi.
567
00:24:06,514 --> 00:24:08,481
Hey, I'm Chris!
568
00:24:08,516 --> 00:24:10,172
[Gear-i]
Jon, can you get out?
569
00:24:10,207 --> 00:24:11,933
I'm about to blow
my download!
570
00:24:11,967 --> 00:24:12,934
Not yet, Gear-i!
571
00:24:12,968 --> 00:24:14,107
It's too late!
572
00:24:14,142 --> 00:24:15,488
[moaning and beeping]
573
00:24:15,523 --> 00:24:17,663
Okay, I'm outta here.[Gear-i powers down]
574
00:24:17,697 --> 00:24:19,112
[Drone-i]
Gear-i!
575
00:24:19,147 --> 00:24:22,495
Sorry, Drone-i.
I'm ready to go again, though.
576
00:24:22,530 --> 00:24:25,498
Just leave Gear-i on my cradle
and I'll get him in the morning.
577
00:24:25,533 --> 00:24:26,706
Sure.Just clean it up good.
578
00:24:26,741 --> 00:24:28,501
All right. Have a good night.Good night.
579
00:24:28,536 --> 00:24:30,503
Bye, Leslie!Bye!
580
00:24:30,538 --> 00:24:33,195
All right, and I'm rolling
again, guys.
581
00:24:33,230 --> 00:24:35,577
Gonna get a little tighter,
you can start speeding up.
42891
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