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Today on "Jon Glaser
Loves Gear"...
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00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:10,838
Road trip![honking horn]
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00:00:10,872 --> 00:00:13,047
Gear!
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00:00:13,082 --> 00:00:16,844
[continues honking]
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00:00:16,878 --> 00:00:20,537
♪
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00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,896
Gear!
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00:00:37,554 --> 00:00:40,592
So, my family and I are taking
a big trip to upstate New York
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00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:43,560
for a super sweet
snowboarding vacation.
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00:00:43,595 --> 00:00:45,424
Shooting the show
can be very stressful,
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00:00:45,459 --> 00:00:48,117
and I was really excited
to get away for a few days.
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00:00:48,151 --> 00:00:49,566
I was especially
happy to spend
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00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:51,361
some time with
my wife and kids,
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00:00:51,396 --> 00:00:53,398
even if their faces
were blurred.
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00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:54,951
Thank you so much
for doing this, honey.
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00:00:54,985 --> 00:00:56,573
We're gonna have
a great time, right, guys?
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00:00:56,608 --> 00:00:59,059
Whoo!Whoo-- you guys excited?
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00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:00,370
Yeah.
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00:01:00,405 --> 00:01:01,889
I was joined by
Stephanie Vermillion,
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00:01:01,923 --> 00:01:04,374
a travel consultant
who let me know how I did
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00:01:04,409 --> 00:01:05,720
gearing up for the trip.
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00:01:05,755 --> 00:01:08,068
So, check these out--
I got some travel sweats.
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[deep voice]
Travel sweats.
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00:01:09,448 --> 00:01:11,140
They got really sweet...
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00:01:11,174 --> 00:01:12,382
deep pocket right here.
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Deep pockets.
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00:01:13,935 --> 00:01:15,420
I got some shades
for the road.
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These are kind of, like...
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00:01:16,662 --> 00:01:18,112
[imitating Nicholson]
Jack Nicholson style.
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00:01:18,147 --> 00:01:19,907
Jack Nicholson style.
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00:01:19,941 --> 00:01:21,840
And then when
I'm not using them...
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boom, right in my
travel sweats.
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00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,085
Travel sweats.
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00:01:27,846 --> 00:01:29,779
Cool bags, right?Very aesthetically pleasing.
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Water bottles?Oh, and those are collapsible.
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So, once the kids...
[imitates gulping]
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00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:36,510
we just collapse 'em up
and they take up less room.
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Bring them with you
to the ski slope
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so you don't
have to buy water bottles--
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you can bring your own
and fill them in the fountain.
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Sweet tip!
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00:01:42,343 --> 00:01:43,586
So, this thing,
how cool is this?
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First of all, this slices open
your seatbelt...
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Mm-hmm....so you can get out
if you're trapped.
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Dad's the hero.
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Dad's the hero.
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Just in case, again,
we get into trouble,
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00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,426
I wanted to have, like,
some good walkie-talkies.
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00:01:56,461 --> 00:01:58,118
Breaker-breaker.
Stephanie,
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how'd I do on
road trip stuff? Over.
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To keep everyone happy, you may want to put your snacks
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00:02:02,536 --> 00:02:04,158
in the middle seat
for the kids.
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00:02:04,193 --> 00:02:05,608
[deep voice]
Sweet tip!
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00:02:05,642 --> 00:02:07,437
When you're done speaking,
you have to say "over"
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00:02:07,472 --> 00:02:09,784
so the other person
knows you're done talking.
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00:02:09,819 --> 00:02:11,165
Sweet tip!
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00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:12,787
Oh-- got it. Over.
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00:02:12,822 --> 00:02:14,824
So, these snacks'll go here?
Over.
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00:02:14,858 --> 00:02:17,137
Yep, do that immediately.
Over.
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Appreciate it.
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00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:20,347
Shit! I forgot
to say "over".
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00:02:21,693 --> 00:02:24,040
Also, since we can't see
my family's faces,
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and since
they'll be playing
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00:02:25,248 --> 00:02:27,664
such a significant part
of today's episode,
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the network suggested
I bring along a reaction guy,
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so you'll know exactly how
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my family is reacting
in certain situations,
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whether it be happy...
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sad... angry...
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00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:42,023
scared, or whatever,
there will be no mystery now
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00:02:42,058 --> 00:02:44,888
as to how my family is feeling
about the trip.
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00:02:44,923 --> 00:02:46,027
Karl, come on in,
this is my family.
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We settled on
a guy named Karl.
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I thought he made
great faces.
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[laughing]
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[laughing]
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[chuckling]
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All right,
everybody ready to go?
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00:02:59,351 --> 00:03:00,904
Okay, let's look into this
camera right here
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00:03:00,939 --> 00:03:02,561
and we're gonna say,
"road trip," on three--
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00:03:02,596 --> 00:03:04,839
everybody ready?
One, two, three--
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[all]
Road trip!
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Whoo!Cheers, Spurt.
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00:03:08,533 --> 00:03:09,499
Everybody say
good-bye to Spurt.
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Bye, everybody!
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It was time to hit
the open road,
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00:03:12,709 --> 00:03:14,608
and as you can see,
we also got
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some spectacular
drone footage,
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courtesy of our
very own Drone-i Malonie.
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Great stuff, Drone-i.
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Thanks, Jon.
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00:03:21,787 --> 00:03:23,030
[imitating Nicholson]
I like your
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00:03:23,064 --> 00:03:25,239
Jack Nicholson impression.
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[imitating Nicholson]
Oh-ho-ho! Good Jack, Drone-i.
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00:03:27,828 --> 00:03:29,209
[singing]
♪ Driving, driving
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♪ Driving down the road
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♪ It's a road trip,
road trip ♪
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♪ On the highway of life
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♪ We're going from
our city to another city ♪
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00:03:39,564 --> 00:03:43,878
♪ That's half the fun,
it's the destination not the-- ♪
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00:03:43,913 --> 00:03:46,226
♪ No, it's the journey
not the-- ♪
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Which one is it? Is it
the journey or the destiny?
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It's the journey, sweetie.
It's okay, we get it.
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Hey, uh, breaker-breaker,
dad to son, dad to son.
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00:03:54,303 --> 00:03:55,752
How we doing back there,
good buddy?
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Got any smokeys
on our tail? Over.
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[beep]
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Say again, dad to son,
breaker-breaker.
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00:04:01,310 --> 00:04:03,484
Jon, Jon--
he has his headphones on.
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00:04:05,452 --> 00:04:06,729
Hey, good buddy--
[beep]
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00:04:06,763 --> 00:04:09,283
Karl, would you nudge my son,
get his attention?
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What? Trying to talk to you
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through the walkie-talkies.
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I know,
I don't want to talk.
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00:04:13,943 --> 00:04:16,739
Come on, it's fun,
any smokeys back there?
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00:04:16,773 --> 00:04:18,982
What's a smokey? Smokie is CB talk
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00:04:19,017 --> 00:04:22,192
for coppers.Can I just go back to my movie?
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00:04:22,227 --> 00:04:23,780
Would you talk in
the walkie-talkie, please?
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00:04:23,815 --> 00:04:26,024
Dad, I'm not talking on
a walkie-talkie.
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00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:28,268
You gotta say "over".I'm done talking.
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00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,441
Even if you're done
talking, you say,
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"I'm done talking, over."
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00:04:30,787 --> 00:04:32,479
Over! Oh, my gosh!
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00:04:32,513 --> 00:04:34,826
Got it. 10-4, good buddy,
over and out.
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00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:37,794
♪
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00:04:37,829 --> 00:04:39,106
After a beautiful drive
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00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:41,281
in the kick-ass
rugged SUV we rented,
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00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,973
we arrived at our cabin
in upstate New York.
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00:04:44,007 --> 00:04:47,183
We unloaded our gear and started
our snowboarding weekend.
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00:04:47,217 --> 00:04:50,773
I can already feel the stress
starting to melt away.
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00:04:50,807 --> 00:04:52,775
Oh, wow, yeah.
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00:04:52,809 --> 00:04:55,433
This place is cool--
it's like "The Shining".
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00:04:55,467 --> 00:04:57,504
Look at that-- they even got
a typewriter here.
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Oh, yeah, this chair is sweet,
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00:04:59,022 --> 00:05:00,507
check this out, nice.
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00:05:00,541 --> 00:05:02,612
What's "The Shining"?Oh, yeah.
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00:05:02,647 --> 00:05:04,821
Uh, we're not gonna talk
about that, sweetie.
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00:05:04,856 --> 00:05:07,514
It's a scary movie that's
not appropriate for kids.
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00:05:07,548 --> 00:05:10,137
What's it about?Uh, long story short,
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00:05:10,171 --> 00:05:11,794
it's about this family
and they're in the woods
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00:05:11,828 --> 00:05:15,004
and the dad kind of goes crazy
and he tries to kill his family.
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00:05:15,038 --> 00:05:16,212
Whoa.
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00:05:16,246 --> 00:05:18,007
Jon, I just said
let's not talk about it.
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00:05:18,041 --> 00:05:22,356
Yeah, but that dad was working,
and this dad's on vacation.
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00:05:22,391 --> 00:05:24,634
I mean, listen, could I lose my
mind and try to kill you guys?
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00:05:24,669 --> 00:05:26,705
Yeah, that's just
a reality of life.
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00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:28,362
Will I actually do it?
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00:05:28,397 --> 00:05:31,710
Most likely not, so there's
nothing to worry about.
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00:05:31,745 --> 00:05:33,540
Now, that said,
we are in the woods,
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00:05:33,574 --> 00:05:36,508
and isolation can, you know,
mess with someone's mind,
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00:05:36,543 --> 00:05:38,476
so let's put
this plan in place.
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00:05:38,510 --> 00:05:41,651
If I start typing on that
typewriter and I start typing,
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00:05:41,686 --> 00:05:44,482
"All work and no gear
makes Jon a dull dad,"
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00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:45,655
or something like that,
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that is your cue
to nip it in the bud.
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00:05:48,278 --> 00:05:50,211
What do you mean by
nip it in the bud?
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00:05:50,246 --> 00:05:51,696
You know what,
it'd just be easier
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00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:53,007
if you just watch
the movie.
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Uh, hey, Gear-i, would you
bring up "The Shining"?
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00:05:54,975 --> 00:05:57,046
Nope. The kids are not
watching "The Shining".
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00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,944
Okay, guys, let's get
ourselves settled.
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00:06:02,431 --> 00:06:03,846
Classic Kubrick version
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00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,090
or the TV version
that Stephen King preferred?
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00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:09,023
Come on, Gear-i, what kind
of question is that?
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00:06:09,058 --> 00:06:10,300
If you're gonna
watch "The Shining"...
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[imitating Nicholson]
you gotta go with Jack.
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00:06:13,303 --> 00:06:15,029
Oh, my God.
Don't listen to this, kids,
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00:06:15,064 --> 00:06:16,686
let's go, keep going.
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00:06:16,721 --> 00:06:19,965
You guys check out your room,
I'll be right out here.
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00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,037
Hey, Karl, they couldn't
handle the truth
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00:06:23,072 --> 00:06:26,420
of my Jack impression.
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00:06:26,455 --> 00:06:30,044
Yeah, I'm gonna
go check on those rooms.
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00:06:30,079 --> 00:06:32,909
Sounds good, Karl.
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Jack...!
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We settled in and had
a really yummy dinner,
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00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:42,298
and even though we had yet
to go outside into the woods,
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I'm so neurotic that
I made everyone do
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00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,716
a tick check before bed.
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00:06:46,751 --> 00:06:47,890
Hey, are you psyched
to try those
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00:06:47,924 --> 00:06:49,650
sweet snowboard
goggles tomorrow?
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00:06:49,685 --> 00:06:51,445
I don't know, I guess.
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00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:52,722
You guess?
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00:06:52,757 --> 00:06:54,310
Seriously?
You're not psyched for those?
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00:06:54,344 --> 00:06:56,001
Those things are so cool.
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00:06:56,036 --> 00:06:58,245
I don't get as excited
about gear as you do.
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00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:01,731
Instead of a tick check maybe
we should be doing a DNA check,
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00:07:01,766 --> 00:07:04,113
make sure you're my son.
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00:07:04,147 --> 00:07:06,115
Whatever, dad.
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00:07:06,149 --> 00:07:10,568
[eerie music]
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00:07:10,602 --> 00:07:13,433
What? What is it?
Is there a tick?
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00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:17,747
Um... no, no, no tick.
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00:07:17,782 --> 00:07:19,473
False alarm,
just some dandruff.
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00:07:19,508 --> 00:07:21,958
Then why did you
just take a photo?
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00:07:21,993 --> 00:07:24,202
I don't know, it's...
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00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,928
can't a father take a photo
of his son's scalp?
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00:07:25,962 --> 00:07:27,136
What's the big deal?
196
00:07:29,794 --> 00:07:31,589
Yummy pancakes, mommy.
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00:07:31,623 --> 00:07:32,590
Glad you like them, honey.
198
00:07:32,624 --> 00:07:34,764
You guys are
all up extra early.
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00:07:34,799 --> 00:07:35,938
Yep.
200
00:07:35,972 --> 00:07:38,458
Kids are super excited
about snowboarding,
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00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,770
been up all morning,
so stoked.
202
00:07:40,805 --> 00:07:43,704
Good face, Karl!
203
00:07:43,739 --> 00:07:49,020
[eerie music]
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00:07:49,054 --> 00:07:50,815
Is everything okay?
205
00:07:50,849 --> 00:07:52,610
Yeah. Can I talk to you
for a second?
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00:07:52,644 --> 00:07:53,783
Sure.Hey, guys, I gotta talk to mommy
207
00:07:53,818 --> 00:07:55,129
about logistics
for later.
208
00:07:55,164 --> 00:07:58,339
You guys just talk to Karl
and look at his funny faces.
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00:07:58,374 --> 00:07:59,824
Oh, my gosh, he's so fun!
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00:07:59,858 --> 00:08:01,998
Hey, what's going on?
211
00:08:02,033 --> 00:08:03,690
Last night when I was
doing his tick check...
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00:08:03,724 --> 00:08:06,347
Yeah?I found a mark on his scalp.
213
00:08:06,382 --> 00:08:07,901
My gosh, what was it?
214
00:08:07,935 --> 00:08:10,144
This is gonna sound crazy,
215
00:08:10,179 --> 00:08:13,872
but it was the word
"gear" and it had
216
00:08:13,907 --> 00:08:17,358
one of those Ghostbusters
things crossing it out.
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00:08:17,393 --> 00:08:19,533
Seriously?Yes.
218
00:08:19,568 --> 00:08:21,431
This is no longer
"The Shining".
219
00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:23,744
This has become
"The Omen".
220
00:08:23,779 --> 00:08:25,401
What?Do you not remember
221
00:08:25,435 --> 00:08:27,576
in the movie, when the dad
is looking at his son's scalp
222
00:08:27,610 --> 00:08:30,233
and he finds the mark
that says 666?
223
00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:31,925
And he finds out his son
is the devil?
224
00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:33,823
That is what's going on here.
225
00:08:33,858 --> 00:08:36,205
You think our son
is the anti-Christ?
226
00:08:36,239 --> 00:08:39,035
No, I think he is
the anti-Gear.
227
00:08:39,070 --> 00:08:41,382
What are you talking about?
That makes zero sense.
228
00:08:41,417 --> 00:08:42,452
It makes perfect sense.
229
00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:43,661
Why do you think
he didn't want to play
230
00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:45,732
with the walkie-talkies
in the car?
231
00:08:45,766 --> 00:08:47,837
Because it would've
burned his fingertips,
232
00:08:47,872 --> 00:08:51,254
because he's, like,
some kind of gear devil.
233
00:08:51,289 --> 00:08:54,188
And you assumed that your
son is trying to kill you.
234
00:08:54,223 --> 00:08:55,569
What are you talking about?
235
00:08:55,604 --> 00:08:58,676
No, I think he's trying
to destroy my gear.
236
00:08:58,710 --> 00:09:00,540
Show me the photo.
237
00:09:04,716 --> 00:09:06,200
Jon, that's a birthmark.
238
00:09:06,235 --> 00:09:07,616
That's what I thought.
239
00:09:07,650 --> 00:09:12,034
It's a blurry photo,
you didn't see what I could see.
240
00:09:12,068 --> 00:09:14,174
Okay, I'm good.
241
00:09:16,486 --> 00:09:19,386
Okay, guys, um...
242
00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:21,975
Daddy's gonna go get changed
and we'll hit slopes.
243
00:09:22,009 --> 00:09:25,150
Okay, kids, let's finish up
and head on out.
244
00:09:25,185 --> 00:09:27,014
Here you go, sweetie.
245
00:09:32,917 --> 00:09:34,608
[distorted voice]
Yum, yum!
246
00:09:38,819 --> 00:09:41,097
[Jon]
We were ready to hit the slopes.
247
00:09:41,132 --> 00:09:43,306
Some of us were beginners,
so first up,
248
00:09:43,341 --> 00:09:45,585
a quick private lesson
with our instructor Brian
249
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,310
from Thunder Ridge.
250
00:09:47,345 --> 00:09:48,726
All right, guys,
let's grab our boards
251
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:50,451
and let's put it down
on the ground, flat,
252
00:09:50,486 --> 00:09:53,075
right in front
yourselves, okay?
253
00:09:53,109 --> 00:09:55,111
Jon, we're gonna put our board
down on the ground, there.
254
00:09:55,146 --> 00:09:56,665
Sweet board, right?
255
00:09:56,699 --> 00:09:58,598
Yeah, we're gonna put it on
the ground for now, though,
256
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,600
we're gonna start out
with talking about the board.
257
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:01,946
You don't think we should
start off by talking about
258
00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:03,637
all this sweet gear?
259
00:10:03,672 --> 00:10:04,914
[deep voice]
Sweet gear.
260
00:10:04,949 --> 00:10:08,780
[background conversations]
261
00:10:08,815 --> 00:10:10,299
I got a slow start
to my lesson,
262
00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:12,715
but a hot start on my gear.
263
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:18,618
My daughter did really well
for her first time.
264
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,516
Whoo!
265
00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:22,656
Karl's really good
at making faces.
266
00:10:22,691 --> 00:10:27,454
Snowboarding?
Uh, not so much.
267
00:10:27,488 --> 00:10:31,044
And my son sure seemed to be
enjoying himself and his gear.
268
00:10:31,078 --> 00:10:33,149
Maybe I was seeing things
back in the cabin,
269
00:10:33,184 --> 00:10:35,151
and a day on the mountain
was the perfect cure
270
00:10:35,186 --> 00:10:38,810
for a stressed-out dad.
271
00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:40,674
All right, guys,
let's make sure that that heel
272
00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:42,124
is set back nice and tight.
273
00:10:42,158 --> 00:10:43,470
Get it nice
and tight, guys.
274
00:10:43,504 --> 00:10:46,128
And those bindings
are nice and tight as well.
275
00:10:46,162 --> 00:10:47,681
I'm gonna go get my board
real quick, I'll be right--
276
00:10:47,716 --> 00:10:49,131
Oh, I have
the same goggles.
277
00:10:49,165 --> 00:10:52,686
Those are sweet.
278
00:10:52,721 --> 00:10:54,239
How cool was that?
279
00:10:54,274 --> 00:10:55,551
Yeah, pretty cool.Got the same goggles
280
00:10:55,585 --> 00:10:57,173
as the instructor.
281
00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:58,416
That feel good when
he said that to you?
282
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,589
Oh, yeah.
283
00:10:59,624 --> 00:11:01,246
Gear not only
makes you look cool,
284
00:11:01,281 --> 00:11:03,835
but it can really make you
feel cool too, right?
285
00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:04,871
All right, so what
we're gonna do,
286
00:11:04,905 --> 00:11:06,148
we're gonna pretend the hill
287
00:11:06,182 --> 00:11:08,702
is a secret class five
government document.
288
00:11:08,737 --> 00:11:10,428
We're gonna shred it up.
289
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,741
[shredding metal music]
290
00:11:17,746 --> 00:11:19,402
Feel the shred!
291
00:11:22,129 --> 00:11:23,683
Shred it!
292
00:11:25,754 --> 00:11:27,203
Shreddin' the mountain
was awesome.
293
00:11:27,238 --> 00:11:28,377
I hadn't been this amped
294
00:11:28,411 --> 00:11:30,759
since I ran
the New York City Marathon.
295
00:11:30,793 --> 00:11:32,036
[deep voice]
Ran the 'Thon!
296
00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:33,727
Whoo!
297
00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:40,872
[overlapping conversations]...not bad.
298
00:11:40,907 --> 00:11:42,563
Sweetie, you were doing
pretty good, honey.
299
00:11:42,598 --> 00:11:44,738
That was so great.Nice job.
300
00:11:44,773 --> 00:11:46,050
Karl, pretty good, man.
301
00:11:46,084 --> 00:11:47,741
Nice job over there.Thanks.
302
00:11:47,776 --> 00:11:50,399
Hey, Brian!
303
00:11:50,433 --> 00:11:52,746
What's up, my dude?What's up? How was that?
304
00:11:52,781 --> 00:11:54,058
Kind of feels like
Thanksgiving up there
305
00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:56,716
the way I'm carving
those slopes.
306
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:59,235
Carving those slopes.
307
00:11:59,270 --> 00:12:00,754
Oh, hey, uh,
I really wanted to thank you
308
00:12:00,789 --> 00:12:03,446
for complimenting my
son's goggles this morning.
309
00:12:03,481 --> 00:12:05,103
That, like, totally
made his day.
310
00:12:05,138 --> 00:12:06,484
No problem, man,
they're a sweet pair.
311
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,589
Also, you know,
it's okay to compliment adults
312
00:12:08,624 --> 00:12:10,591
when they're wearing
some sweet gogs.
313
00:12:10,626 --> 00:12:11,972
Whatever you say.Yeah.
314
00:12:12,007 --> 00:12:13,456
They're not bad.Not bad at all.
315
00:12:13,491 --> 00:12:15,044
Yeah.[cracking]
316
00:12:15,079 --> 00:12:17,115
What was that?What wasthat?
317
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:18,979
Oh, shoot, man, that's
not supposed to happen.
318
00:12:19,014 --> 00:12:22,258
Whoa... That is crazy--
see this, man?
319
00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:23,950
Goggles shouldn't just crack
like that, right?
320
00:12:23,984 --> 00:12:26,918
Never. They're supposed
to be shatter-proof.
321
00:12:26,953 --> 00:12:30,335
[eerie music]
322
00:12:36,272 --> 00:12:38,516
They really enjoyed
snowboarding today.
323
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,794
Yeah.
324
00:12:40,829 --> 00:12:42,969
And he's still wearing
his goggles,
325
00:12:43,003 --> 00:12:44,177
Which disproves
your theory
326
00:12:44,211 --> 00:12:46,351
about him being
the anti-Gear.
327
00:12:46,386 --> 00:12:49,009
Yeah, I don't think he's
the anti-Gear anymore.
328
00:12:49,044 --> 00:12:50,459
I think he's the devil.
329
00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:52,426
Oh, my God, now what?
330
00:12:52,461 --> 00:12:53,496
Well, originally I thought
331
00:12:53,531 --> 00:12:54,704
he was one of
the devil's minions,
332
00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:56,983
but now I just think
he is Satan himself.
333
00:13:03,023 --> 00:13:04,335
Did you see that?
334
00:13:04,369 --> 00:13:05,854
He turned right when
I said that!
335
00:13:05,888 --> 00:13:07,717
There's no way he could've
heard me out there.
336
00:13:07,752 --> 00:13:10,272
He heard because he's got
supernatural hearing powers
337
00:13:10,306 --> 00:13:11,860
because he is the devil!
338
00:13:11,894 --> 00:13:13,482
He is playing us.
339
00:13:13,516 --> 00:13:15,311
He is going to wait for me
to let my guard down
340
00:13:15,346 --> 00:13:17,279
and then he's gonna open
the gates of hell
341
00:13:17,313 --> 00:13:19,833
and suck all the gear
off the face of the earth.
342
00:13:19,868 --> 00:13:21,835
It's gonna be like...
[vocalizing]
343
00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:24,044
and then gear is gonna
be like... [vocalizing]
344
00:13:24,079 --> 00:13:25,943
and everyone's gonna be like...
[vocalizing]
345
00:13:25,977 --> 00:13:27,461
and people are gonna be like...
[vocalizing]
346
00:13:27,496 --> 00:13:31,880
Jon, do you hear yourself
right now? You sound insane.
347
00:13:31,914 --> 00:13:33,847
Yeah, that sounded
a little extreme.
348
00:13:33,882 --> 00:13:37,161
Yeah.
Maybe you should go outside
349
00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:39,577
and do something
to clear your mind.
350
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,544
Yeah, I agree.
Maybe, um...
351
00:13:41,579 --> 00:13:43,132
You know what,
I'm gonna go snowshoeing.
352
00:13:43,167 --> 00:13:44,513
That was like, I wanted
to do that this trip,
353
00:13:44,547 --> 00:13:47,309
I think this is
the perfect day for it.
354
00:13:47,343 --> 00:13:49,690
I'll just go do that--
just a nice, solo jaunt.
355
00:13:49,725 --> 00:13:52,693
[dramatic music]
Can I come, father?
356
00:13:52,728 --> 00:13:54,592
You were just outside,
how did you get in here?
357
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,905
We just finished playing
outside, now we're inside.
358
00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:06,017
Um... you know,
snowshoeing is, uh,
359
00:14:06,052 --> 00:14:09,020
it's more of a solo thing
for dads, so I don't think so.
360
00:14:09,055 --> 00:14:11,885
Please, father.
361
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,542
Take a walkie-talkie.
362
00:14:13,576 --> 00:14:15,716
If the anti-Gear shows up,
give me a call,
363
00:14:15,751 --> 00:14:18,581
I'll come save you.
364
00:14:18,616 --> 00:14:20,066
Fine, you can come.
365
00:14:25,726 --> 00:14:27,176
Normally,
having my son enjoying
366
00:14:27,211 --> 00:14:30,593
all this sweet gear with me
would be a dream come true.
367
00:14:30,628 --> 00:14:32,941
But I was waiting for that dream
to turn into a nightmare
368
00:14:32,975 --> 00:14:36,289
when he transformed
into the anti-Gear.
369
00:14:36,323 --> 00:14:38,118
Mom to son, mom to son.
370
00:14:38,153 --> 00:14:40,396
How's it going out there?
Over.
371
00:14:40,431 --> 00:14:43,192
Hey, mom, yeah, we're outside,
having a blast snowshoeing.
372
00:14:43,227 --> 00:14:45,194
All right, have fun,
over and out.
373
00:14:45,229 --> 00:14:47,956
10-4, good buddy.
374
00:14:47,990 --> 00:14:50,579
You're right, father, these
walkie-talkies are so cool!
375
00:14:50,613 --> 00:14:52,063
See, I told you, right?
376
00:14:52,098 --> 00:14:53,271
Yeah.
377
00:14:53,306 --> 00:14:55,239
Oh, I'm gonna go
check out the ravine.
378
00:14:55,273 --> 00:14:56,965
Oh, yeah, that sounds good.
379
00:14:56,999 --> 00:14:59,243
I'll catch up with you
in a sec, okay?
380
00:14:59,277 --> 00:15:00,589
Just be careful.
381
00:15:00,623 --> 00:15:02,246
Hey, uh, do you mind
keeping an eye on him, Karl?
382
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,281
Oh, sure.
383
00:15:03,316 --> 00:15:04,489
Thanks a lot, man.
384
00:15:04,524 --> 00:15:07,044
Oh, and uh,
loving the faces.
385
00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:08,252
Really, really great.
386
00:15:08,286 --> 00:15:11,151
Oh, yeah?[laughing]
387
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:16,294
Classic Karl.
388
00:15:16,329 --> 00:15:19,297
[eerie music]
389
00:15:31,482 --> 00:15:33,794
Gear-i, uh, what's
the current temperature?
390
00:15:33,829 --> 00:15:36,245
38 degrees. Having fun?
391
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,316
Uh, yeah, I think so.
392
00:15:38,351 --> 00:15:41,492
Jon, do you still think
your son is the anti-Gear?
393
00:15:41,526 --> 00:15:43,321
Yeah, I don't know.
394
00:15:43,356 --> 00:15:46,117
Maybe I'm making
myself nuts, I mean...
395
00:15:46,152 --> 00:15:47,808
He really seems to be
having a good time,
396
00:15:47,843 --> 00:15:49,845
and I got to admit,
397
00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:51,778
it's pretty great seeing
him enjoy all that gear
398
00:15:51,812 --> 00:15:53,435
just like his old man.
399
00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:55,471
It sounds like it's
all been in your head, Jon.
400
00:15:55,506 --> 00:15:58,026
Yeah, maybe you and Leslie
are right, Gear-i.
401
00:16:01,857 --> 00:16:04,480
Man, it's beautiful out, Gear.
402
00:16:04,515 --> 00:16:06,172
I mean, Gear-i.
403
00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:08,208
[screaming]
404
00:16:08,243 --> 00:16:11,108
Son!
405
00:16:11,142 --> 00:16:12,868
Dad!
406
00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:15,181
Son, I'm coming!
407
00:16:20,048 --> 00:16:21,842
You okay?Yeah, I'm fine.
408
00:16:21,877 --> 00:16:23,154
What happened?We were just looking
409
00:16:23,189 --> 00:16:25,708
at the edge of the cliff
and then Karl just fell down.
410
00:16:25,743 --> 00:16:28,021
What? Karl!
411
00:16:28,056 --> 00:16:30,334
[Karl]
I think I broke my leg!
412
00:16:30,368 --> 00:16:31,921
Gear-i, call 911.
413
00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:35,235
I'm sorry Jon, but I don't
have a signal out here.
414
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:40,033
Oh, my God-- here, give me
that walkie-talkie.
415
00:16:40,068 --> 00:16:41,931
Breaker-breaker, Leslie,
come in, over.
416
00:16:41,966 --> 00:16:43,209
[beep]
417
00:16:43,243 --> 00:16:46,177
[deep distorted voice]
There's no Leslie here.
418
00:16:46,212 --> 00:16:48,041
Who is this? Over.
419
00:16:48,076 --> 00:16:50,664
Who is this?
420
00:16:50,699 --> 00:16:52,321
This is Jon Glaser
from the TV show
421
00:16:52,356 --> 00:16:56,015
"Jon Glaser Loves Gear".
Over.
422
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,396
Gear... Over.
423
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:04,506
Gear over?
424
00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:08,061
[softly]
Gear over.
425
00:17:08,096 --> 00:17:10,891
Who wasthat?
That was a weird voice.
426
00:17:10,926 --> 00:17:14,102
[Karl screaming]What exactly happened here?
427
00:17:14,136 --> 00:17:16,518
We were just looking over
the edge and he fell off.
428
00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:17,898
He fell off?
429
00:17:17,933 --> 00:17:19,935
Yeah.Or you pushed him?
430
00:17:19,969 --> 00:17:21,902
Father, father--
431
00:17:21,937 --> 00:17:24,388
no, what are you
talking about?
432
00:17:24,422 --> 00:17:26,217
You're the devil.
433
00:17:26,252 --> 00:17:29,910
What? Is this that thing where
I need to nip you in the bud?
434
00:17:29,945 --> 00:17:33,569
No. Do I need to
nip you in the bud?
435
00:17:33,604 --> 00:17:35,606
Uh, not really.
436
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,297
[Karl]
Are you guys comin'?
437
00:17:37,332 --> 00:17:38,574
Hold tight, Karl!
438
00:17:38,609 --> 00:17:41,301
I'm just gonna go
get some gear...!
439
00:17:45,133 --> 00:17:46,824
[Leslie]
Okay. Okay, well,
440
00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:48,584
just, just keep us posted.
441
00:17:48,619 --> 00:17:49,965
All right, thanks.
442
00:17:49,999 --> 00:17:51,415
Hey, good morning,
everybody, what's up?
443
00:17:51,449 --> 00:17:52,554
Hey.
444
00:17:52,588 --> 00:17:55,108
Who, uh, who were you
on the phone with?
445
00:17:55,143 --> 00:17:56,903
Oh, that was the hospital.
446
00:17:56,937 --> 00:18:01,010
Karl's got a really bad
broken leg and a concussion.
447
00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:03,634
They said he's lucky
it wasn't worse.
448
00:18:03,668 --> 00:18:05,153
Why aren't you dressed?
449
00:18:05,187 --> 00:18:08,432
Oh, um, you know, it was so much
fun sleeping in the union suit,
450
00:18:08,466 --> 00:18:10,572
I thought it would also
be fun to, uh, you know,
451
00:18:10,606 --> 00:18:13,851
pop the butt flap, drop
a deuce while I was wearing it.
452
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,508
Okay, well, just hurry up,
we want to get going.
453
00:18:15,542 --> 00:18:17,096
Yes, father.
454
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:20,271
I can't wait to get back outside
and hit the slopes again.
455
00:18:20,306 --> 00:18:23,102
I'm really starting
to love gear.
456
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:27,485
[eerie music]
457
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,453
Yeah, you know what, why don't
you guys go on with out me?
458
00:18:29,487 --> 00:18:30,868
I don't want to
rush this deuce,
459
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:33,457
and I actually have some
errands I gotta run in town.
460
00:18:33,491 --> 00:18:34,837
Seriously?
461
00:18:34,872 --> 00:18:37,530
This is the last day
of our vacation.
462
00:18:37,564 --> 00:18:40,015
Tell you later,
nature calls.
463
00:18:40,049 --> 00:18:41,982
Whoop, whoop,
whoopsie doodles.
464
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,884
While my wife and daughter
tempted fate
465
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:49,300
by hanging out with
the anti-Gear all day,
466
00:18:49,335 --> 00:18:51,820
I headed into town to look
for just the right thing
467
00:18:51,854 --> 00:18:55,030
that would aid in my battle
of good versus evil.
468
00:19:05,661 --> 00:19:08,008
Thankfully, I found it.
469
00:19:08,043 --> 00:19:10,735
It even had a super cool
turbo feature.
470
00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:18,536
[eerie music]
471
00:19:33,241 --> 00:19:36,658
Well, the kids are asleep.
472
00:19:36,692 --> 00:19:39,661
Finally.Yes, you coming to bed?
473
00:19:39,695 --> 00:19:41,180
I think I'm gonna read
for a little bit.
474
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:42,560
Well, don't stay up too late,
475
00:19:42,595 --> 00:19:43,872
we're leaving early
in the morning
476
00:19:43,906 --> 00:19:45,253
and you said you'd
drive, so...
477
00:19:45,287 --> 00:19:47,186
I did.All right.
478
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,256
All right, good night,
sweetie, I love you.
479
00:19:48,290 --> 00:19:49,567
Good night, honey.I'll be up soon.
480
00:19:49,602 --> 00:19:50,603
Okay.Good night, Karl,
481
00:19:50,637 --> 00:19:52,674
sorry about your foot.Hey. Good night.
482
00:19:52,708 --> 00:19:55,124
Yeah, great faces as always.
483
00:19:55,159 --> 00:19:56,264
[laughing]
484
00:19:56,298 --> 00:19:58,266
All right.
485
00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:02,649
[eerie music]
486
00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:38,167
Dad? What are you doing?
487
00:20:38,202 --> 00:20:40,308
[imitating Nicholson]
I'm not gonna hurt ya.
488
00:20:40,342 --> 00:20:42,827
I'm just gonna cut your
freakin' hair off.
489
00:20:42,862 --> 00:20:45,002
What?Come here!
490
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:47,280
Cut it out!Come here!
491
00:20:47,315 --> 00:20:51,422
Why do you want to do
a haircut at night?
492
00:20:51,457 --> 00:20:53,424
Open this door!No!
493
00:20:53,459 --> 00:20:54,908
Open up!
494
00:20:54,943 --> 00:20:57,739
I'm gonna buzz this door down!I don't want a haircut.
495
00:20:57,773 --> 00:21:00,845
Turning on the turbo mode--
now, here we go.
496
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,158
Oh-- all right,
the blade popped off,
497
00:21:03,192 --> 00:21:04,746
but when I get
this blade back in,
498
00:21:04,780 --> 00:21:07,956
it's gonna be
"Gear's Johnny"!
499
00:21:07,990 --> 00:21:09,785
Quit doing that
impression, it sucks!
500
00:21:09,820 --> 00:21:11,580
No, it doesn't,
it sounds just like him!
501
00:21:11,615 --> 00:21:13,099
What the hell are you doing?
502
00:21:13,133 --> 00:21:14,342
I'm trying to trim his scalp
503
00:21:14,376 --> 00:21:17,103
so I can show the world
he's the anti-Gear!
504
00:21:17,137 --> 00:21:18,691
Mom, he's nuts!
Nip it in the bud!
505
00:21:18,725 --> 00:21:20,037
Give me those.
506
00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:22,350
Sweetie, come on out,
it's okay, I'm here.
507
00:21:22,384 --> 00:21:24,524
No way!It's okay, everything's fine,
508
00:21:24,559 --> 00:21:26,526
everything's fine,
everything's fine.
509
00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:28,459
Daddy just has an idea
510
00:21:28,494 --> 00:21:30,323
that there's some kind of
a mark on your head...
511
00:21:30,358 --> 00:21:33,292
Not just some kind of a mark,
the mark of the anti-Gear.
512
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:34,879
The what?Knock it off!
513
00:21:34,914 --> 00:21:36,502
You're scaring him.
Would you just let daddy
514
00:21:36,536 --> 00:21:39,194
take a look at your scalp
for just a second?
515
00:21:39,228 --> 00:21:40,368
[sighs]
Whatever.
516
00:21:40,402 --> 00:21:42,335
Thank you, here we go,
ready?
517
00:21:42,370 --> 00:21:44,544
Anti-Gear revealed
on three.
518
00:21:44,579 --> 00:21:47,582
One, two, three!
519
00:21:53,829 --> 00:21:57,902
It's a birthmark.Yeah, it's a birthmark.
520
00:21:57,937 --> 00:22:00,457
Way to ruin a vacation.
521
00:22:00,491 --> 00:22:03,563
Sweetie, let's just forget
about this, okay?
522
00:22:03,598 --> 00:22:05,220
Everything's all right,
all right?
523
00:22:05,254 --> 00:22:06,566
Why don't you just go back
to bed, all right?
524
00:22:06,601 --> 00:22:08,672
Yeah.
Thanks a lot, dad.
525
00:22:08,706 --> 00:22:11,468
Sorry, son.Whatever.
526
00:22:11,502 --> 00:22:12,814
Come on.
527
00:22:12,848 --> 00:22:16,231
Come on, don't make
that face.
528
00:22:16,265 --> 00:22:19,372
Oh, uh, where's Karl?
529
00:22:19,407 --> 00:22:22,755
Should probably get him out
here for some... reactions.
530
00:22:22,789 --> 00:22:24,757
[knocking]
531
00:22:24,791 --> 00:22:26,275
Karl, sorry to
wake you up, man,
532
00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:29,106
uh, I know it's late but we got
a little situation out here,
533
00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:33,904
we need some,
we need some reactions.
534
00:22:33,938 --> 00:22:36,285
Karl?[knocking]
535
00:22:38,702 --> 00:22:42,153
Hey, Karl?[eerie music]
536
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,101
Um...
537
00:22:59,136 --> 00:23:03,761
I can't handle the truth of...
538
00:23:03,796 --> 00:23:06,902
death by auto-erotic
asphyxiation.
539
00:23:08,973 --> 00:23:11,148
Um... I don't think
we should go in there,
540
00:23:11,182 --> 00:23:14,979
but this was Karl's
final face.
541
00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:20,916
[deep voice]
Rest in peace, Karl.
542
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,438
It's another road trip,
we're on the road,
543
00:23:25,473 --> 00:23:28,407
heading back downstate
to where we live.
544
00:23:28,441 --> 00:23:29,925
[Leslie]
Jon, can you please stop?
545
00:23:32,618 --> 00:23:33,619
Kids, do you have
any more questions
546
00:23:33,653 --> 00:23:36,173
about what Karl
did to himself?
547
00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:39,279
You understand the concept of
risk versus reward, right?
548
00:23:39,314 --> 00:23:40,833
What's the reward?
549
00:23:40,867 --> 00:23:44,146
Okay, we're not gonna get
into this right now, okay?
550
00:23:44,181 --> 00:23:46,183
Too bad he's not
here right now.
551
00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:48,668
He'd be making this face
that you're doing.
552
00:23:54,605 --> 00:23:56,158
No one's gonna talk?
All right, that's fine,
553
00:23:56,193 --> 00:23:58,160
nothing wrong with that.
554
00:23:58,195 --> 00:24:03,580
Just have a nice, relaxing,
long, quiet ride home.
555
00:24:03,614 --> 00:24:07,860
That actually sounds
pretty nice.
556
00:24:07,894 --> 00:24:09,378
[imitating Nicolson]
I mean, unless, of course,
557
00:24:09,413 --> 00:24:11,484
Jack Nicholson
shows up behind...
558
00:24:11,519 --> 00:24:13,659
[all talking at once]We're not doing that right now.
559
00:24:13,693 --> 00:24:16,524
Why not? What's not fun?
560
00:24:16,558 --> 00:24:18,284
You don't even
sound like him!
561
00:24:18,318 --> 00:24:21,390
Oh, you think you'd do
a better Jack than me?
562
00:24:21,425 --> 00:24:25,498
Then let's have a Jack Nicholson
impression contest.
563
00:24:25,533 --> 00:24:29,502
We'll have ourselves
a good, old-fashioned Jack-off.
564
00:24:29,537 --> 00:24:32,056
Oh, daddy, stop!
[all talking at once]
41310
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