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1
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:33,908
I have to ask.
2
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,749
I promise it won't happen again
the rest of the night.
3
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,447
What?
4
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:42,691
What's your name?
5
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,521
It's Clara.
6
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,424
Clara.
7
00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:55,937
Mine's Nikolai.
8
00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:57,632
I know.
9
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,689
I'm happy you're here.
10
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:51,386
Yeah?
11
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,143
I want you to fuck me.
12
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:25,111
- What?
- Fuck me.
13
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:31,456
- Do you have condoms?
- Yeah.
14
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:36,865
Hang on...
15
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:09,555
Wait...
16
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:14,090
I have to go to the bathroom.
17
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,798
That's all right.
I'll show you where it is.
18
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,750
Hurry.
19
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,182
Did you come?
20
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,789
No. But it's all right.
21
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:37,216
No, it's not all right.
22
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:47,947
NIGHT #1
23
00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:57,932
Clara?
24
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,770
- What are you doing?
- Going home.
25
00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:03,735
OK...
26
00:21:03,862 --> 00:21:05,432
I couldn't sleep.
27
00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:08,235
Come back up, OK?
28
00:21:23,582 --> 00:21:24,959
I don't understand.
29
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,522
Please, come in.
30
00:21:40,599 --> 00:21:42,772
I would've woken up at noon...
31
00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:46,273
the sun burning bright.
32
00:21:48,540 --> 00:21:50,281
I'd have opened my eyes
33
00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:53,556
and remembered the night before.
34
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,893
I would've looked for you,
but never found you.
35
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:01,330
You'd disappear, just like that?
36
00:22:11,863 --> 00:22:13,433
You're a stranger.
37
00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:17,005
Leave, if that's what you want.
38
00:22:21,973 --> 00:22:23,748
Your hair is wet.
39
00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:28,948
You'll catch a cold,
but I don't care.
40
00:22:30,615 --> 00:22:31,992
I don't know you.
41
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,490
You're nothing to me.
42
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:40,059
Go ahead.
43
00:22:40,726 --> 00:22:43,366
Go freeze to death,
if that's what you want.
44
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:45,770
That's not what I want.
45
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:54,749
Obviously.
46
00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:09,127
Modern life makes me sick.
Modern love makes me sick.
47
00:23:09,788 --> 00:23:12,894
Modern women make me sick.
It's like they're men.
48
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:25,548
Did you forget anything here...
49
00:23:26,171 --> 00:23:27,741
On purpose?
50
00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:30,578
Earrings?
51
00:23:30,976 --> 00:23:34,685
Just as proof,
as incriminating evidence.
52
00:23:36,481 --> 00:23:39,018
I would've woken up,
alone and confused.
53
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:45,061
I would've seen two shiny things,
new and unknown to me.
54
00:23:46,691 --> 00:23:49,638
I would've said to myself:
"All right.
55
00:23:50,729 --> 00:23:52,902
"That night really did happen}
56
00:23:56,802 --> 00:24:00,511
It was nothing,
nothing at all, of course.
57
00:24:01,807 --> 00:24:03,548
We both know it.
58
00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:08,754
But it happened.
59
00:24:25,997 --> 00:24:29,035
This kind of situation
makes me sick to my stomach.
60
00:24:30,869 --> 00:24:32,439
It burns...
61
00:24:34,172 --> 00:24:37,483
as though acid
were spreading through my body.
62
00:24:41,947 --> 00:24:43,585
We're better off alone.
63
00:24:49,788 --> 00:24:51,165
I've got to piss.
64
00:24:51,756 --> 00:24:54,862
It'll give you a chance to take off,
if that's what you want.
65
00:25:02,234 --> 00:25:04,009
There should be a law.
66
00:25:05,570 --> 00:25:07,641
Two people
who have seen each other naked
67
00:25:07,772 --> 00:25:10,252
owe each other a proper goodbye
at the very least.
68
00:25:10,775 --> 00:25:12,152
Seriously.
69
00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:18,158
I've seen you naked.
70
00:25:19,885 --> 00:25:21,922
I bit your neck
and your breasts.
71
00:25:23,922 --> 00:25:26,095
I put my tongue in your mouth.
72
00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:30,037
I tasted your pussy.
73
00:25:34,165 --> 00:25:37,738
I know exactly what you taste like.
74
00:25:40,305 --> 00:25:42,546
I think I saw you come.
75
00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:49,756
I know that you shave your pussy,
76
00:25:50,081 --> 00:25:52,789
and that you get
little red dots from it.
77
00:25:55,253 --> 00:25:57,699
I know you have beauty marks
on your back.
78
00:25:57,822 --> 00:26:01,065
I don't remember how many
or where they are.
79
00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:05,838
I'm sure some asshole has told you
it looks like a constellation,
80
00:26:05,964 --> 00:26:07,773
or something like that.
81
00:26:09,734 --> 00:26:12,078
I know that you don't get very wet.
82
00:26:12,871 --> 00:26:16,546
I don't know if it was my fault
or if it's always that way.
83
00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:19,687
I know how you give a blow job.
84
00:26:21,212 --> 00:26:24,955
You're good at it.
Well, not bad.
85
00:26:30,922 --> 00:26:35,302
I imagine you'd eventually want
to put a finger in my ass.
86
00:26:39,631 --> 00:26:43,238
I think you'd want
to have anal sex, at some point.
87
00:26:44,703 --> 00:26:46,341
I know that you fuck well.
88
00:26:48,673 --> 00:26:50,311
I like the way you breathe.
89
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:54,279
You breathe with your whole body.
90
00:26:58,283 --> 00:27:00,593
I like the way you move.
91
00:27:03,688 --> 00:27:05,065
There you have it.
92
00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:10,235
That's what I know
about you, Clara.
93
00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:14,068
Clara who? I don't know.
94
00:27:15,166 --> 00:27:17,146
I don't know your last name.
95
00:27:17,836 --> 00:27:19,042
It's Clara...
96
00:27:19,170 --> 00:27:21,241
I've seen you in every position.
97
00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:26,118
I've seen all that,
but I've never seen you eat...
98
00:27:27,912 --> 00:27:30,290
just eating something simple...
99
00:27:31,850 --> 00:27:33,227
like a piece of bread.
100
00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:36,897
I've never seen you cry...
101
00:27:39,190 --> 00:27:41,636
never seen you ride a bike.
102
00:27:45,096 --> 00:27:46,666
I've never seen you swim.
103
00:27:46,798 --> 00:27:49,779
I don't know if you're good
or if you suck.
104
00:27:52,270 --> 00:27:55,046
I've never seen you
in a public space...
105
00:27:57,342 --> 00:27:59,253
during office hours...
106
00:28:01,379 --> 00:28:03,017
on a workday.
107
00:28:04,149 --> 00:28:06,925
"I've never seen you
on a workday}
108
00:28:07,285 --> 00:28:09,060
What an odd thing to say!
109
00:28:11,990 --> 00:28:14,436
You'll be young forever
in my mind.
110
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:17,674
We'll never age.
111
00:28:21,099 --> 00:28:24,876
We'll never speak softly
in a funeral home.
112
00:28:28,973 --> 00:28:31,817
I'll never discover
your biggest faults.
113
00:28:34,412 --> 00:28:38,053
You'll never hate me
for my lies and slip-ups.
114
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:42,198
We'll never get a phone call
with bad news
115
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,960
that wakes us up
in the middle of the night.
116
00:28:45,256 --> 00:28:47,827
I'll never pat your back
as you throw up, crying,
117
00:28:47,959 --> 00:28:49,961
when you've had too much to drink.
118
00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:56,909
See? It's very sad.
119
00:28:59,104 --> 00:29:02,051
I've started getting to know
how you smell, how you feel,
120
00:29:02,173 --> 00:29:04,119
and vice versa.
121
00:29:06,077 --> 00:29:08,887
The secrets we share
are purely physical.
122
00:29:55,894 --> 00:29:59,432
To be honest, I would've wanted you
to beg me to stay...
123
00:30:01,332 --> 00:30:05,781
to ask me to stay in bed here,
next to you, forever.
124
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,986
I would've wanted you to say:
125
00:30:12,343 --> 00:30:16,450
"Clara, I don't know you,
but I know enough.
126
00:30:17,115 --> 00:30:18,492
"You're magical.
127
00:30:19,918 --> 00:30:23,229
"I don't want you to ever disappear
from my life.
128
00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:25,926
"I've been...
129
00:30:27,592 --> 00:30:29,902
"waiting for you for 29 years.
130
00:30:32,163 --> 00:30:34,905
"You're finally here.
Please stay}
131
00:30:35,233 --> 00:30:36,803
I'm 31.
132
00:30:39,103 --> 00:30:41,310
"I've been waiting for you
for 31 years.
133
00:30:41,439 --> 00:30:45,888
"You're here tonight,
and I refuse to let you leave?
134
00:30:50,415 --> 00:30:53,123
That's what
I would've wanted you to say,
135
00:30:53,251 --> 00:30:55,231
but you fell asleep.
136
00:30:58,323 --> 00:31:02,237
I would've wanted you to admit
that this had never happened to you,
137
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:07,340
that you felt connected to me
by some strange force,
138
00:31:07,465 --> 00:31:09,376
by something electrifying...
139
00:31:11,202 --> 00:31:12,875
that letting this pass you by
140
00:31:13,004 --> 00:31:15,382
would be like
letting your life pass you by.
141
00:31:17,575 --> 00:31:20,078
Clara or death.
142
00:31:23,615 --> 00:31:25,856
I would've wanted you
to see things in me
143
00:31:25,984 --> 00:31:27,964
that I can't see myself.
144
00:31:28,453 --> 00:31:30,558
I would've wanted
an incredible story
145
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:33,130
to begin for us tonight.
146
00:31:36,427 --> 00:31:40,170
But you fell asleep,
and I didn't.
147
00:31:42,967 --> 00:31:45,470
Insomnia's a problem for me.
148
00:31:45,603 --> 00:31:47,605
If I slept eight hours a night,
149
00:31:47,939 --> 00:31:51,284
I'd have a lot less time
to do stupid things, but...
150
00:31:53,311 --> 00:31:56,656
instead, I had time to think.
151
00:31:57,315 --> 00:31:59,522
I realized
that you would've woken up
152
00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:02,257
next to a stranger
with no clothes on.
153
00:32:04,188 --> 00:32:06,532
You would've searched your mind
for my name.
154
00:32:07,158 --> 00:32:10,071
I'd see it written
all over your face.
155
00:32:11,329 --> 00:32:13,104
The fuzzy morning after.
156
00:32:15,066 --> 00:32:16,374
You'd ask yourself:
157
00:32:16,501 --> 00:32:21,075
"Should I fuck her again or not')?
158
00:32:23,308 --> 00:32:26,289
You might have asked me
for my phone number.
159
00:32:26,477 --> 00:32:28,184
You'd say:
"I'll call you, Clara.
160
00:32:28,313 --> 00:32:30,486
"We can get together again
if you want?
161
00:32:31,182 --> 00:32:34,652
And then we would've
slept together again because...
162
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,324
Why not?
163
00:32:38,156 --> 00:32:41,262
Why not sleep together
in the light of day?
164
00:32:44,329 --> 00:32:47,708
I would've
walked back home at dawn
165
00:32:48,366 --> 00:32:50,937
and passed by joggers,
saying to myself:
166
00:32:51,069 --> 00:32:52,639
"I'm not like you.
167
00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:54,712
"I fucked a stranger last night
168
00:32:55,039 --> 00:32:57,349
"in his crappy little apartment.
169
00:32:58,376 --> 00:33:01,152
"I'm obviously not living life
the way you are.
170
00:33:01,279 --> 00:33:03,020
"I just go with it.
171
00:33:04,182 --> 00:33:06,253
"I live with intensity}
172
00:33:38,416 --> 00:33:42,364
"For years,
I've lived flattened with fury.
173
00:33:43,154 --> 00:33:45,725
"I've accustomed my friends
to an intolerable voltage,
174
00:33:46,057 --> 00:33:49,368
"to a waste of sparks
and short circuits.
175
00:33:50,328 --> 00:33:55,004
"To spit fire, to cheat death,
to be resurrected a hundred times,
176
00:33:55,733 --> 00:33:58,577
"to run a mile
in less than four minutes,
177
00:33:58,736 --> 00:34:01,307
"to introduce a flamethrower
into the dialectic
178
00:34:01,439 --> 00:34:04,010
and suicidal behaviour
into politics 6
179
00:34:04,308 --> 00:34:06,686
"that's how I've
established my style}
180
00:34:09,113 --> 00:34:12,026
You bring novels to after-parties?
181
00:34:13,184 --> 00:34:16,495
He's the greatest Quebecois writer
of all time.
182
00:34:16,621 --> 00:34:19,295
- Who?
- Hubert Aquin.
183
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:22,436
Never heard of him.
184
00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:26,265
All my secrets are in this book.
185
00:34:30,535 --> 00:34:35,143
"Entwined, dazzled,
in a tormented country,
186
00:34:35,473 --> 00:34:37,680
"we've tumbled,
united inside a single kiss,
187
00:34:37,809 --> 00:34:41,052
"from one end to the other
of our snowy bed}
188
00:34:44,082 --> 00:34:46,187
- "Tormented country? I
- Yes.
189
00:34:47,852 --> 00:34:49,456
It's beautiful.
190
00:34:52,657 --> 00:34:55,831
If you like, I'll read you
all my favourite passages.
191
00:34:57,228 --> 00:35:00,641
I'll even read you the whole book.
192
00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:05,475
It would take a few hours,
what's left of the night.
193
00:35:08,372 --> 00:35:12,081
You'd lie down
and listen to the sound of my voice.
194
00:35:12,510 --> 00:35:14,387
You'd close your eyes.
195
00:35:17,148 --> 00:35:19,526
Then you'd read me
your favourite book.
196
00:35:21,352 --> 00:35:24,231
You'd show me pictures
from your childhood,
197
00:35:24,355 --> 00:35:25,800
from a foreign country.
198
00:35:28,526 --> 00:35:31,735
Afterward,
we'd go for breakfast.
199
00:35:34,198 --> 00:35:35,575
If you like,
200
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,704
we can get married in the Ukraine
and start a new life.
201
00:35:39,837 --> 00:35:43,649
Ask me to leave everything behind
and we'll leave together.
202
00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:46,379
You're a little crazy.
203
00:35:48,412 --> 00:35:50,653
It's not uninteresting, mind you.
204
00:35:52,283 --> 00:35:54,388
But I'm kind of tired now.
205
00:36:57,882 --> 00:36:59,452
No...
206
00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:03,832
Stop.
207
00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:17,743
- Why aren't you getting hard?
- I don't know.
208
00:37:18,369 --> 00:37:21,248
I'm sorry.
It's too fast, stop.
209
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,210
I'm sorry.
210
00:37:29,313 --> 00:37:30,690
I'll go.
211
00:37:32,850 --> 00:37:34,557
If that's what you want.
212
00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:15,648
It's Clara.
213
00:40:17,081 --> 00:40:18,651
Are you sleeping?
214
00:40:24,088 --> 00:40:25,658
No.
215
00:40:29,727 --> 00:40:31,104
Come in.
216
00:40:59,023 --> 00:41:01,936
I don't have any woman's clothing,
but this should do.
217
00:41:02,059 --> 00:41:03,629
Thanks.
218
00:41:07,631 --> 00:41:09,008
Do you want to be alone?
219
00:41:55,913 --> 00:41:57,483
Now I'm hard.
220
00:41:58,282 --> 00:41:59,852
Because of you.
221
00:42:59,610 --> 00:43:01,920
I don't have a clothes dryer.
222
00:43:08,953 --> 00:43:10,796
Do you have one at your place?
223
00:43:11,755 --> 00:43:13,132
Yeah!
224
00:43:19,897 --> 00:43:21,274
I have nothing.
225
00:43:22,900 --> 00:43:24,277
I'm 31.
226
00:43:25,035 --> 00:43:27,208
I studied fine arts,
but I didn't graduate.
227
00:43:27,338 --> 00:43:31,047
Well, I graduated,
but I don't have a degree.
228
00:43:31,175 --> 00:43:32,745
Why not?
229
00:43:33,043 --> 00:43:35,614
I still owe the library $100.
230
00:43:35,746 --> 00:43:37,123
I lost a book...
231
00:43:38,182 --> 00:43:41,755
a glossy edition with shiny paper.
232
00:43:43,354 --> 00:43:44,924
Why don't you pay them back?
233
00:43:45,923 --> 00:43:47,596
I don't have $100!
234
00:43:47,891 --> 00:43:50,929
I don't really need
a fine-arts degree anyway.
235
00:43:55,933 --> 00:43:57,344
Which book was it?
236
00:43:59,403 --> 00:44:01,906
The Art of Francis Bacon.
237
00:44:03,207 --> 00:44:04,777
Pathetic.
238
00:44:05,209 --> 00:44:09,123
Painting pieces of meat
when your name is Bacon, pathetic.
239
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,627
I don't know,
I feel like it's in bad taste.
240
00:44:13,083 --> 00:44:14,653
I lost the book.
241
00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:19,198
I was angry.
I think I threw it away.
242
00:44:20,224 --> 00:44:21,794
Who were you angry at?
243
00:44:23,327 --> 00:44:24,897
I don't know.
244
00:44:27,698 --> 00:44:29,803
I've got this frustration
inside me.
245
00:44:30,167 --> 00:44:31,840
You know what I mean?
246
00:44:32,803 --> 00:44:34,180
Not exactly.
247
00:44:35,339 --> 00:44:38,013
If you were a guy,
I'd try and get you to fight me.
248
00:44:38,442 --> 00:44:40,319
I'd want us to be brutal.
249
00:44:40,444 --> 00:44:43,914
I'd want us to throw stuff
at the walls
250
00:44:44,181 --> 00:44:46,058
and yell out insane things.
251
00:44:47,284 --> 00:44:49,093
But I'll stay calm.
252
00:44:51,088 --> 00:44:52,965
Have you ever hit a girl?
253
00:44:53,724 --> 00:44:54,930
No.
254
00:44:56,927 --> 00:44:59,407
But I've fucked girls carelessly.
255
00:44:59,730 --> 00:45:01,107
Violently.
256
00:45:01,965 --> 00:45:05,970
I probably hurt them,
but not physically.
257
00:45:06,970 --> 00:45:08,381
Tell me about it.
258
00:45:08,772 --> 00:45:09,978
No.
259
00:45:11,141 --> 00:45:12,848
I'll imagine the worst.
260
00:45:13,377 --> 00:45:14,947
You'd be right.
261
00:45:17,715 --> 00:45:19,922
But I don't fuck
that often any more.
262
00:45:23,153 --> 00:45:25,997
How long had it been
before tonight?
263
00:45:28,759 --> 00:45:30,136
Six months.
264
00:45:30,961 --> 00:45:32,440
Sex is overrated.
265
00:45:36,433 --> 00:45:38,276
Then why tonight?
266
00:45:40,771 --> 00:45:43,081
Some of my friends dragged me out.
267
00:45:43,207 --> 00:45:44,777
Literally.
268
00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:48,014
They came up here.
I was reading.
269
00:45:48,445 --> 00:45:50,789
They threw some clean clothes at me
270
00:45:50,914 --> 00:45:53,360
and used some
pretty convincing arguments:
271
00:45:53,484 --> 00:45:57,432
"our youth, "overindulging,
"living for the moment,
272
00:45:57,988 --> 00:46:00,798
"the call of the night?
and "the fire within.
273
00:46:00,924 --> 00:46:02,335
I bought into it.
274
00:46:05,395 --> 00:46:08,342
I spotted you pretty quickly
on the dance floor.
275
00:46:08,465 --> 00:46:10,035
Why's that?
276
00:46:12,169 --> 00:46:14,877
You looked free and pure.
277
00:46:17,941 --> 00:46:20,182
- And you were dancing badly.
- Thanks.
278
00:46:20,310 --> 00:46:25,123
Well, not necessarily badly,
just off-beat.
279
00:46:25,249 --> 00:46:27,456
Yeah, I think that's what it was.
280
00:46:29,319 --> 00:46:31,458
When the crowds feet
were on the ground,
281
00:46:31,789 --> 00:46:34,201
your entire body was up in the air.
282
00:46:35,192 --> 00:46:37,866
You were doing the exact opposite
of everyone else,
283
00:46:37,995 --> 00:46:41,101
as though you weren't listening
to the same music they were.
284
00:46:43,233 --> 00:46:46,339
I'll notice a pretty girl
dancing badly,
285
00:46:46,470 --> 00:46:49,314
or an ugly girl dancing really well.
286
00:46:50,007 --> 00:46:52,453
I don't give a shit
if a pretty girl dances well.
287
00:46:52,576 --> 00:46:54,180
So unoriginal.
288
00:46:55,979 --> 00:46:57,356
You...
289
00:46:59,449 --> 00:47:02,828
You're a rather pretty girl
who dances rather badly.
290
00:47:03,153 --> 00:47:04,564
That works for me.
291
00:47:06,957 --> 00:47:09,938
All that beauty
must make your life easier.
292
00:47:11,128 --> 00:47:13,199
Your sunny face...
293
00:47:16,300 --> 00:47:18,473
I was hesitant
about approaching you.
294
00:47:20,070 --> 00:47:22,482
I always end up
breaking pretty things.
295
00:47:30,547 --> 00:47:34,518
I feel like I'm
a destructive person, in general.
296
00:47:37,621 --> 00:47:40,465
It's as though I'm always sinking
297
00:47:41,158 --> 00:47:43,536
and bringing good people
down with me.
298
00:47:44,628 --> 00:47:46,301
It really bothers me.
299
00:47:47,497 --> 00:47:51,445
"Cuba is sinking in flames
in the middle of Lac Leman
300
00:47:51,568 --> 00:47:54,549
"while I descend
to the bottom of things}
301
00:47:56,306 --> 00:48:00,049
That's the first sentence
of the book I didn't read you.
302
00:48:01,311 --> 00:48:04,019
I'm interested in getting
to the bottom of things.
303
00:48:04,314 --> 00:48:07,022
I don't see the connection at all.
304
00:48:08,085 --> 00:48:10,929
Sinking and getting
to the bottom of things
305
00:48:11,054 --> 00:48:13,091
have nothing to do with each other.
306
00:48:14,324 --> 00:48:15,962
I need a cigarette.
307
00:48:34,111 --> 00:48:37,024
I have trouble paying the rent
every month.
308
00:48:37,247 --> 00:48:41,252
I should find a cheaper place,
but I'm not sure there is one.
309
00:48:42,986 --> 00:48:47,435
Or get roommates, but I can't
bring myself to do that...
310
00:48:49,192 --> 00:48:51,194
to live with other people.
311
00:48:52,663 --> 00:48:54,609
To live with anyone else.
312
00:48:57,501 --> 00:48:59,071
I never have money.
313
00:49:00,337 --> 00:49:02,112
I owe all my friends.
314
00:49:02,339 --> 00:49:04,910
Money, smokes,
315
00:49:05,309 --> 00:49:07,949
drugs, alcohol,
316
00:49:08,512 --> 00:49:10,082
restaurants...
317
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:13,324
I owe all that to all my friends.
318
00:49:14,351 --> 00:49:16,695
I wonder why they still like me.
319
00:49:32,970 --> 00:49:34,347
I read a lot.
320
00:49:35,672 --> 00:49:37,276
The major works.
321
00:49:39,276 --> 00:49:42,985
But a lot of the time,
I don't finish the books I start.
322
00:49:43,613 --> 00:49:47,254
Right when I'm about to
finish something, I lose interest.
323
00:49:49,419 --> 00:49:51,660
I get drunk in the afternoon
pretty often.
324
00:49:52,222 --> 00:49:55,999
One time, I threw up
next to the toilet.
325
00:49:57,127 --> 00:49:59,403
I didn't clean it up for a few days.
326
00:50:04,167 --> 00:50:07,410
I don't eat.
I almost never eat.
327
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:11,276
There's no way I'm in good health.
328
00:50:12,576 --> 00:50:14,317
I'll probably die young.
329
00:50:16,313 --> 00:50:17,690
Are you hungry?
330
00:50:18,582 --> 00:50:19,993
No.
331
00:50:23,720 --> 00:50:25,495
I don't have a phone any more.
332
00:50:27,124 --> 00:50:31,595
Last winter, they cut off
the electricity for two weeks,
333
00:50:31,728 --> 00:50:33,298
and I was cold.
334
00:50:35,399 --> 00:50:38,505
It's been at least five years
since I've gone to the dentist.
335
00:50:38,635 --> 00:50:40,512
I have a broken tooth.
336
00:50:43,340 --> 00:50:46,480
It's like I'm not able
to take care of myself.
337
00:50:46,610 --> 00:50:48,487
Just the bare minimum.
338
00:50:50,147 --> 00:50:52,184
It gets annoying after a while.
339
00:50:57,220 --> 00:50:59,257
The worst part is
340
00:50:59,489 --> 00:51:02,197
I have no one to blame
but myself.
341
00:51:03,393 --> 00:51:05,737
I can't fault society,
342
00:51:06,530 --> 00:51:08,407
or my adoptive country.
343
00:51:09,499 --> 00:51:11,308
Things are pretty good here.
344
00:51:14,237 --> 00:51:16,376
I'm unable to work.
345
00:51:18,108 --> 00:51:20,748
Not in the same place
for very long, anyway.
346
00:51:22,512 --> 00:51:24,185
I get fired very quickly.
347
00:51:25,115 --> 00:51:26,617
I show up late.
348
00:51:27,818 --> 00:51:29,456
I show up drunk.
349
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:31,531
I show up dirty.
350
00:51:31,688 --> 00:51:34,328
I stink, literally.
351
00:51:34,458 --> 00:51:37,769
I suspect that I've been fired
because I stank.
352
00:51:39,196 --> 00:51:41,472
You smell fine tonight.
353
00:51:47,404 --> 00:51:50,783
I worked at an old-folks home
for a few months.
354
00:51:53,243 --> 00:51:56,417
People usually go there to die.
355
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:58,782
I liked it well enough.
356
00:52:01,151 --> 00:52:02,630
I was a sous-chef.
357
00:52:05,155 --> 00:52:06,657
I made the soup.
358
00:52:07,858 --> 00:52:11,601
Old people eat a lot of soup,
every day.
359
00:52:13,563 --> 00:52:16,476
They liked me
because my soup was thick.
360
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,443
Why didn't you stay there?
361
00:52:20,170 --> 00:52:22,150
They have a thing there called
362
00:52:22,272 --> 00:52:24,684
an unjustified-absence policy.
363
00:52:24,808 --> 00:52:27,345
After my third unjustified absence,
364
00:52:27,477 --> 00:52:30,321
the manager
called me into her office.
365
00:52:30,881 --> 00:52:35,296
She asked me what was wrong
with an understanding look.
366
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:38,256
Then asked how we could
understand each other
367
00:52:38,388 --> 00:52:40,265
and come to an agreement.
368
00:52:41,525 --> 00:52:42,902
I got angry.-
369
00:52:45,729 --> 00:52:48,505
That's me:
absent and unjustified.
370
00:52:52,269 --> 00:52:55,580
There's always that morning
when the alarm goes off
371
00:52:55,705 --> 00:52:59,847
and I wake up and say:
"No, not today.
372
00:53:00,577 --> 00:53:04,218
"I'm too intelligent for this.
I'm not going. I deserve better. i
373
00:53:05,715 --> 00:53:08,855
I tell myself
that this can't be my life.
374
00:53:10,720 --> 00:53:13,929
I feel inspired.
375
00:53:14,724 --> 00:53:17,830
Alive, full of energy.
376
00:53:18,762 --> 00:53:23,472
I tell myself that I won't
go to work because I have big plans.
377
00:53:24,668 --> 00:53:27,945
I tell myself
that I'll spend the day drawing,
378
00:53:28,638 --> 00:53:31,744
writing, making music.
379
00:53:33,777 --> 00:53:36,621
Creating masterpieces
that will change the world.
380
00:53:38,281 --> 00:53:41,728
On those days, I call in sick.
381
00:53:42,786 --> 00:53:44,823
When they ask what I've got...
382
00:53:46,389 --> 00:53:48,460
I can't say
what everyone else would say:
383
00:53:48,592 --> 00:53:50,435
a cold, indigestion.
384
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:51,971
No, instead, I say...
385
00:53:52,929 --> 00:53:56,502
"I feel a dire need to live,
and it's now or never.i
386
00:53:57,901 --> 00:53:59,471
That perplexes them.
387
00:54:01,671 --> 00:54:03,514
Then I hang up the phone.
388
00:54:03,940 --> 00:54:07,854
And most of the time,
I close my eyes,
389
00:54:08,812 --> 00:54:12,726
just for a few seconds,
and I fall back asleep.
390
00:54:15,252 --> 00:54:16,890
I end up waking up at noon
391
00:54:17,020 --> 00:54:19,626
and don't follow through
with my plans.
392
00:54:22,292 --> 00:54:24,795
I read bits of articles
on Wikipedia...
393
00:54:26,396 --> 00:54:30,640
about nanorobots,
artificial intelligence,
394
00:54:30,767 --> 00:54:32,405
all kinds of topics.
395
00:54:34,371 --> 00:54:38,683
I whack off to porn
of debatable quality.
396
00:54:44,481 --> 00:54:46,825
It's like everything
loses its meaning,
397
00:54:47,584 --> 00:54:50,895
mysteriously,
at some point in the morning.
398
00:54:53,490 --> 00:54:56,471
I don't really remember
the important message
399
00:54:56,593 --> 00:55:00,439
that I'd first set out to convey
through my art that day.
400
00:55:24,387 --> 00:55:26,389
Do you read the paper?
401
00:55:27,390 --> 00:55:28,767
Sometimes.
402
00:55:28,892 --> 00:55:31,031
I don't any more. I stopped.
403
00:55:31,361 --> 00:55:35,741
It made me feel weak,
powerless and paralyzed.
404
00:55:37,033 --> 00:55:39,604
I prefer not knowing
what's going on.
405
00:55:44,808 --> 00:55:46,583
But it's awful,
406
00:55:46,710 --> 00:55:49,919
because my indifference isn't aimed
at anything in particular.
407
00:55:50,647 --> 00:55:52,354
What do you mean?
408
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:58,329
I know nothing, for instance,
about Canadian politics.
409
00:55:59,956 --> 00:56:02,368
But you know a bit about
410
00:56:02,492 --> 00:56:04,768
Quebec's relationship
with the rest of Canada?
411
00:56:04,894 --> 00:56:07,568
Yeah, vaguely,
but I don't have an opinion.
412
00:56:08,131 --> 00:56:10,611
I don't know anything
about Ukrainian politics.
413
00:56:10,734 --> 00:56:13,908
The world doesn't interest me
in general.
414
00:56:15,405 --> 00:56:19,444
I don't speak Ukrainian.
I barely speak Russian.
415
00:56:21,077 --> 00:56:23,887
What language do you speak
with your parents?
416
00:56:24,147 --> 00:56:25,717
Russian.
417
00:56:26,683 --> 00:56:28,560
Say something in Russian.
418
00:56:28,685 --> 00:56:29,789
Why?
419
00:56:29,919 --> 00:56:33,662
To hear what it sounds like.
420
00:56:33,790 --> 00:56:35,360
It sounds nice, doesn't it?
421
00:56:35,859 --> 00:56:37,429
Whatever.
422
00:56:38,762 --> 00:56:42,608
It's a bad line
from a bad love song.
423
00:56:43,466 --> 00:56:44,570
There's no love song.
424
00:56:44,701 --> 00:56:47,147
I'm just asking you
to say a sentence.
425
00:56:48,872 --> 00:56:51,409
Say that the television
is on the ground.
426
00:57:06,456 --> 00:57:08,595
I'm not really Ukrainian.
427
00:57:08,725 --> 00:57:11,001
I don't know
what it's like over there.
428
00:57:11,127 --> 00:57:13,573
That country's not a part of me.
429
00:57:13,797 --> 00:57:16,573
- That's sad.
- It really doesn't matter.
430
00:57:19,135 --> 00:57:21,445
Sometimes,
I get an uncontrollable craving
431
00:57:21,571 --> 00:57:23,107
for varenyky.
432
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,977
- What's that?
- They're like big ravioli.
433
00:57:26,509 --> 00:57:29,012
Meat and potatoes. It's heavy.
434
00:57:29,612 --> 00:57:31,785
You can get sweet ones, too.
435
00:57:34,184 --> 00:57:37,927
There's a tradition
when you eat varenyky.
436
00:57:38,054 --> 00:57:40,864
You always have to leave one
on your plate.
437
00:57:40,990 --> 00:57:43,197
- Why?
- For the vultures.
438
00:57:43,526 --> 00:57:47,440
But when I can afford to buy myself
varenyky, I eat them all.
439
00:57:47,564 --> 00:57:49,202
Too bad for the vultures!
440
00:57:50,767 --> 00:57:53,077
Vultures are fascinating animals.
441
00:57:56,005 --> 00:57:57,712
They're scavengers.
442
00:57:58,174 --> 00:57:59,778
They eat carcasses
443
00:57:59,909 --> 00:58:02,947
after the predators
have taken all the good stuff.
444
00:58:03,646 --> 00:58:05,648
They can't hunt their prey.
445
00:58:06,015 --> 00:58:08,552
But they're not lazy.
It's physiological.
446
00:58:08,918 --> 00:58:10,488
What's wrong with them?
447
00:58:10,653 --> 00:58:14,191
Their beaks are too soft
or too long, I can't remember.
448
00:58:14,524 --> 00:58:17,767
But they aren't able
449
00:58:17,894 --> 00:58:20,067
to tear through mammals' skin.
450
00:58:20,196 --> 00:58:23,200
They can't fight
other birds of prey, either.
451
00:58:23,533 --> 00:58:24,876
Humiliating.
452
00:58:25,001 --> 00:58:26,571
Maybe.
453
00:58:27,504 --> 00:58:30,747
But they still have
a life expectancy of 35 years.
454
00:58:30,874 --> 00:58:32,854
That's a long time for a bird.
455
00:58:35,044 --> 00:58:37,820
In fact, you look
a little like a vulture.
456
00:58:40,717 --> 00:58:42,094
Whatever.
457
00:58:44,220 --> 00:58:47,963
The sunken cheeks, your dark eyes
with dark circles under them...
458
00:58:49,292 --> 00:58:50,965
You've got it all.
459
00:58:53,296 --> 00:58:55,970
I got a girl pregnant once.
460
00:58:57,267 --> 00:58:59,247
It was a girl I met one night,
461
00:58:59,802 --> 00:59:01,509
just like you.
462
00:59:03,573 --> 00:59:05,712
I acted like a real bastard.
463
00:59:06,175 --> 00:59:09,713
She came here
to tell me she was pregnant.
464
00:59:09,846 --> 00:59:11,826
Fortunately,
she didn't want it.
465
00:59:11,948 --> 00:59:15,225
I promised I'd help, but I didn't
let her in the door again.
466
00:59:15,818 --> 00:59:17,195
I was harsh.
467
00:59:18,721 --> 00:59:20,530
She cried nonstop.
468
00:59:21,124 --> 00:59:22,762
She was fragile.
469
00:59:28,298 --> 00:59:30,141
She came here one day
470
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:34,704
and asked me
to look her in the eye...
471
00:59:35,905 --> 00:59:37,543
and say:
472
00:59:37,674 --> 00:59:40,746
"It's a sad situation,
but we're doing the right thing.
473
00:59:40,877 --> 00:59:43,016
"One day,
a man will give you a child
474
00:59:43,146 --> 00:59:45,148
"because you're a good woman.
475
00:59:45,281 --> 00:59:47,124
"You'll be a good mother.
476
00:59:47,750 --> 00:59:51,755
"But not us,
not now, that's all.T
477
00:59:52,822 --> 00:59:54,563
Did you tell her that?
478
00:59:55,358 --> 00:59:56,803
No.
479
00:59:59,228 --> 01:00:03,938
I said I'd go to the clinic
with her, but then I disappeared.
480
01:00:04,067 --> 01:00:05,944
I didn't see her again after that.
481
01:00:06,069 --> 01:00:08,071
You should've gone with her.
482
01:00:09,339 --> 01:00:11,148
The same kind of thing...
483
01:00:12,208 --> 01:00:14,210
happened to me once.
484
01:00:15,612 --> 01:00:17,751
You really are easy, aren't you?
485
01:00:18,881 --> 01:00:20,155
What?
486
01:00:21,117 --> 01:00:22,687
What?
487
01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:27,267
You don't like
getting to the bottom of things?
488
01:00:28,291 --> 01:00:31,329
You don't know what it means
to get to the bottom of things.
489
01:00:31,661 --> 01:00:34,267
You quote passages
you don't even understand.
490
01:00:37,934 --> 01:00:39,675
Your tormented country!
491
01:00:40,236 --> 01:00:42,079
What tormented country?
492
01:00:43,339 --> 01:00:46,183
What are you doing
for your tormented country?
493
01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:50,086
You dance at after-parties
to music with no lyrics
494
01:00:50,213 --> 01:00:53,683
written specifically
for robots who speak no language.
495
01:00:54,651 --> 01:00:58,394
Androgynous guys
who all look a bit faggy.
496
01:00:59,122 --> 01:01:02,262
Girls with boyish figures
and heads like dolls,
497
01:01:02,392 --> 01:01:04,998
looking strung out, and proud of it.
498
01:01:05,128 --> 01:01:06,732
Proud to be on drugs,
499
01:01:06,863 --> 01:01:09,810
lost, aimless...
500
01:01:11,968 --> 01:01:14,073
even proud to be an aborter,
in your case.
501
01:01:27,083 --> 01:01:29,256
We have nothing in common anyway!
502
01:01:29,385 --> 01:01:30,955
Nothing!
503
01:01:46,202 --> 01:01:48,307
Clara, please don't go.
504
01:01:49,238 --> 01:01:50,808
Fuck you!
505
01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:02,427
Fuck you!
506
01:02:05,221 --> 01:02:06,791
Fucking coward!
507
01:02:06,923 --> 01:02:09,028
I fucked a loser!
508
01:02:09,425 --> 01:02:11,462
You'll never do anything
with your life!
509
01:02:12,829 --> 01:02:15,776
You could die
and it wouldn't change a thing!
510
01:02:15,898 --> 01:02:18,777
You're useless!
511
01:02:28,978 --> 01:02:32,983
You think you're the only one
who gets that this shit sucks?
512
01:02:33,282 --> 01:02:35,262
I hate it as much as you do!
513
01:02:36,753 --> 01:02:38,494
You poor pathetic idiot!
514
01:02:38,821 --> 01:02:40,732
You fucking pathetic idiot!
515
01:02:44,794 --> 01:02:46,171
Let go of me!
516
01:05:21,450 --> 01:05:24,431
Why do you know so much
about vultures?
517
01:05:24,553 --> 01:05:28,057
One of my students
did his term project on vultures.
518
01:05:28,457 --> 01:05:30,459
It was a lot of work.
519
01:05:31,260 --> 01:05:32,637
You're a teacher?
520
01:05:32,962 --> 01:05:34,305
Yes.
521
01:05:34,697 --> 01:05:36,574
Third grade.
522
01:05:37,667 --> 01:05:39,476
How old are they
in the third grade?
523
01:05:39,602 --> 01:05:41,172
8, 9.
524
01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:48,020
You aren't the typical
third-grade teacher.
525
01:05:48,344 --> 01:05:49,914
I know.
526
01:05:51,647 --> 01:05:54,184
I don't think I'm very good, either.
527
01:05:56,018 --> 01:06:00,228
If we weren't unionized,
I'd have been fired a long time ago.
528
01:06:02,692 --> 01:06:06,230
I've gotten warnings, just like
you did at the old-folks home.
529
01:06:06,362 --> 01:06:07,932
How come?
530
01:06:09,532 --> 01:06:12,638
Well, I'm absent a lot.
531
01:06:13,436 --> 01:06:16,246
I don't respect the dress code.
532
01:06:17,673 --> 01:06:20,517
I sometimes tell the kids the truth.
533
01:06:21,010 --> 01:06:22,990
The administration
doesn't like that.
534
01:06:23,112 --> 01:06:24,489
The truth?
535
01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:27,393
Nothing too serious.
536
01:06:28,417 --> 01:06:30,090
I censor myself a lot.
537
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:33,732
That's better, I would think.
538
01:06:36,726 --> 01:06:38,296
Yeah.
539
01:06:40,663 --> 01:06:43,701
I have a job...
and a dryer.
540
01:06:47,069 --> 01:06:49,675
But none of that means a thing.
541
01:06:53,609 --> 01:06:57,421
Weekends start on Thursday
and end Sunday night.
542
01:06:57,546 --> 01:06:59,116
I never miss one.
543
01:07:00,616 --> 01:07:02,186
I get drunk.
544
01:07:05,488 --> 01:07:09,334
I drink vodka shots at the bar
till I have to go and puke.
545
01:07:11,293 --> 01:07:13,466
I do a lot of drugs, too.
546
01:07:13,763 --> 01:07:17,540
Coke, MDMA, ecstasy, speed.
547
01:07:17,666 --> 01:07:20,203
Just stuff that gives you energy,
548
01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,039
or makes you want to fuck.
549
01:07:25,274 --> 01:07:26,753
I combine them all.
550
01:07:31,714 --> 01:07:33,284
It's always the same.
551
01:07:34,583 --> 01:07:37,257
When the sun
starts to come up, I panic.
552
01:07:37,386 --> 01:07:39,195
Real life catches up to me.
553
01:07:44,460 --> 01:07:46,406
I feel completely empty.
554
01:07:46,762 --> 01:07:48,764
I'm nothing at all...
555
01:07:50,166 --> 01:07:51,736
nothing but a body.
556
01:07:53,135 --> 01:07:57,777
A body that dances, has sex,
reflects the light.
557
01:08:00,209 --> 01:08:02,519
I'm nothing but sweat,
558
01:08:02,845 --> 01:08:06,224
mine and other people's
mixed on my skin,
559
01:08:07,216 --> 01:08:09,321
nothing but hair
flying all over the place
560
01:08:09,452 --> 01:08:13,298
every time I jump in the air
on the dance floor.
561
01:08:16,225 --> 01:08:17,602
You know?
562
01:08:20,463 --> 01:08:24,741
I have a body, but there's nothing
living inside it.
563
01:08:25,634 --> 01:08:29,673
I'm a surface, an empty shell.
564
01:08:32,141 --> 01:08:34,087
I don't know if you understand.
565
01:08:40,816 --> 01:08:42,853
I get scared when the sun comes up.
566
01:08:43,619 --> 01:08:46,532
I can't let the euphoria end.
567
01:08:51,460 --> 01:08:54,839
I want to cry,
but there are no tears in me.
568
01:08:56,198 --> 01:08:58,474
I don't want anything at all.
569
01:08:58,601 --> 01:09:01,639
I can't eat anything,
not even fresh fruit.
570
01:09:02,605 --> 01:09:05,381
There's nowhere in the world
I want to be.
571
01:09:07,143 --> 01:09:10,352
And there's no music
for moments like that.
572
01:09:15,217 --> 01:09:17,254
Being alone is unbearable,
573
01:09:17,686 --> 01:09:20,633
but there's no one
I want to be with either.
574
01:09:21,290 --> 01:09:24,203
I'm far from everything,
far from everyone.
575
01:09:30,266 --> 01:09:33,509
Sometimes, I take another pill
at around 6:00 in the morning.
576
01:09:33,636 --> 01:09:35,616
It wakes me up
for eight more hours,
577
01:09:35,738 --> 01:09:37,775
and I go find another after-party.
578
01:09:39,642 --> 01:09:43,215
At this point, normal people
have been home for ages.
579
01:09:44,313 --> 01:09:45,690
They're right.
580
01:09:48,384 --> 01:09:51,854
The ones out right now haven't found
what they're looking for,
581
01:09:52,188 --> 01:09:55,635
or don't even know
what they're looking for any more.
582
01:10:01,297 --> 01:10:02,901
I have a lot of sex, too.
583
01:10:04,500 --> 01:10:07,538
I fuck strangers I've just met.
584
01:10:07,670 --> 01:10:09,240
I go home with them.
585
01:10:11,540 --> 01:10:14,783
I know a lot of apartments
like yours,
586
01:10:14,910 --> 01:10:16,753
all over the city.
587
01:10:20,416 --> 01:10:24,262
I've lost track of
how many guys I've slept with.
588
01:10:25,487 --> 01:10:28,400
I have sex in alleys,
in parking lots.
589
01:10:29,525 --> 01:10:31,562
I make up a name sometimes.
590
01:10:32,695 --> 01:10:34,732
I let men fuck me in the ass.
591
01:10:35,598 --> 01:10:37,874
A lot of the time,
I ask them to.
592
01:10:40,970 --> 01:10:42,711
I like feeling pain.
593
01:10:43,305 --> 01:10:46,514
I like seeing in their eyes
that they think I'm a slut.
594
01:10:50,446 --> 01:10:51,550
I want to be desired.
595
01:10:51,680 --> 01:10:53,591
I like entering a room
596
01:10:53,716 --> 01:10:56,458
and feeling as though
all the men desire me,
597
01:10:56,585 --> 01:10:59,395
want me,
are driven crazy by me.
598
01:11:04,994 --> 01:11:07,998
Where were you
at this time last night?
599
01:11:08,631 --> 01:11:11,475
Here, asleep.
600
01:11:13,035 --> 01:11:17,506
I was in an apartment in Saint-Henri
with two other guys and a girl.
601
01:11:22,878 --> 01:11:25,381
The four of us slept together.
602
01:11:26,882 --> 01:11:28,657
Who were they?
603
01:11:30,019 --> 01:11:33,592
A couple I met at a bar
604
01:11:34,056 --> 01:11:35,865
and one of their friends.
605
01:11:37,493 --> 01:11:38,870
Nice people.
606
01:11:41,463 --> 01:11:44,307
The girl's clit was pierced.
607
01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:47,371
I didn't really know
what to do with that.
608
01:11:50,439 --> 01:11:53,682
I dive headlong
into situations like that.
609
01:11:54,043 --> 01:11:58,014
Sometimes, I snap out of it
and have a moment of clarity.
610
01:12:00,449 --> 01:12:02,952
Last night, I started thinking.
611
01:12:05,321 --> 01:12:07,824
I was holding
both of the guys' penises,
612
01:12:07,956 --> 01:12:09,663
one in each hand.
613
01:12:12,461 --> 01:12:13,872
More than enough...
614
01:12:16,365 --> 01:12:18,367
I wasn't really there.
615
01:12:18,634 --> 01:12:21,808
But I wasn't really
somewhere else, either.
616
01:12:22,104 --> 01:12:27,019
I was watching myself from above,
from a distance.
617
01:12:29,078 --> 01:12:30,751
I was nowhere.
618
01:12:39,388 --> 01:12:41,698
I feel ashamed Monday morning
at school.
619
01:12:42,458 --> 01:12:45,405
I can't look my students
in the eye.
620
01:12:45,761 --> 01:12:48,071
Then, as the week goes on,
621
01:12:48,564 --> 01:12:51,408
the images
from the weekend disappear.
622
01:12:51,667 --> 01:12:53,704
I become a good person again.
623
01:12:55,838 --> 01:12:57,840
It really is a double life.
624
01:12:59,608 --> 01:13:03,647
If my colleagues knew,
they'd find it pretty disturbing.
625
01:13:04,046 --> 01:13:06,720
Most of them are girls my age.
626
01:13:07,449 --> 01:13:09,554
They have no idea.
627
01:13:12,554 --> 01:13:14,033
Nor does my mother.
628
01:13:16,558 --> 01:13:17,935
Well...
629
01:13:20,396 --> 01:13:22,706
do we have AIDS or something now?
630
01:13:22,831 --> 01:13:24,401
No.
631
01:13:25,868 --> 01:13:27,745
I just got tested.
632
01:13:29,972 --> 01:13:33,920
I got chlamydia six months ago,
but it's been gone for a long time.
633
01:13:34,042 --> 01:13:35,612
Don't worry.
634
01:13:39,014 --> 01:13:41,824
Do you know who gave it to you?
635
01:13:42,618 --> 01:13:43,995
No.
636
01:13:45,487 --> 01:13:46,864
It's disgusting, huh?
637
01:13:48,490 --> 01:13:49,730
A little.
638
01:13:58,500 --> 01:14:00,138
I don't really care about anything.
639
01:14:05,541 --> 01:14:09,717
There's always this fog
between me and the world.
640
01:14:10,646 --> 01:14:12,990
It's like nothing is real.
641
01:14:15,517 --> 01:14:16,928
It's a game.
642
01:14:17,986 --> 01:14:20,159
I'm giving a performance...
643
01:14:23,759 --> 01:14:25,602
a long show.
644
01:14:29,765 --> 01:14:31,210
When I started sleeping around,
645
01:14:31,533 --> 01:14:34,776
I'd have a new heartache
every weekend,
646
01:14:35,471 --> 01:14:37,178
a new disappointment.
647
01:14:39,641 --> 01:14:42,121
I thought I'd been close...
648
01:14:43,779 --> 01:14:45,850
to someone or something,
649
01:14:45,981 --> 01:14:48,757
but it always disappeared.
650
01:14:51,487 --> 01:14:53,057
It hardened me.
651
01:14:53,755 --> 01:14:55,666
After a while, I understood.
652
01:14:56,124 --> 01:15:00,664
I sleep with all these men,
but I don't belong to any of them.
653
01:15:01,730 --> 01:15:04,939
I take advantage of them as much as
they take advantage of me.
654
01:15:07,236 --> 01:15:08,943
I'm a feminist.
655
01:15:15,244 --> 01:15:17,520
Fucking is so simple.
656
01:15:18,247 --> 01:15:20,659
Women have vaginae,
and men have penises.
657
01:15:20,782 --> 01:15:22,728
We're designed for it.
658
01:15:23,752 --> 01:15:27,097
That's all that unites us,
you and I,
659
01:15:27,689 --> 01:15:30,602
you, and a thousand versions of you,
660
01:15:31,727 --> 01:15:34,731
me, and a thousand versions of me.
661
01:15:36,598 --> 01:15:38,703
Random couples
662
01:15:39,167 --> 01:15:44,139
based on the simple geometry
of internal and external organs.
663
01:15:50,879 --> 01:15:52,916
I'm restless all the time,
664
01:15:53,949 --> 01:15:55,622
in every way.
665
01:15:57,185 --> 01:16:00,530
I never feel like
things are in order.
666
01:16:04,860 --> 01:16:07,739
The older I get,
the less insight I have
667
01:16:07,863 --> 01:16:11,003
into what life is.
668
01:16:15,771 --> 01:16:17,148
I don't believe in anything.
669
01:16:17,272 --> 01:16:20,151
I honestly think I have no ideals.
670
01:16:20,776 --> 01:16:22,915
It's asking for
too much of a commitment.
671
01:16:23,912 --> 01:16:27,621
If I believe in something,
I'm scared I'll change my mind,
672
01:16:27,749 --> 01:16:29,285
or stop believing.
673
01:16:31,153 --> 01:16:34,566
It's as though I'm unable
to exist in the world,
674
01:16:35,057 --> 01:16:37,196
to really be a part of it.
675
01:16:47,102 --> 01:16:51,175
It's true that I quote passages
from a book that I don't understand.
676
01:16:52,674 --> 01:16:56,622
I have no idea what needs to be done
for my tormented country.
677
01:16:58,180 --> 01:17:02,322
I don't think I even give a shit,
when it comes down to it.
678
01:17:11,393 --> 01:17:15,864
The people I really like
seem to be part of another world.
679
01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:23,072
They don't really have a goal
as individuals or as a group.
680
01:17:27,109 --> 01:17:30,283
They go through life
like little white ghosts.
681
01:17:32,180 --> 01:17:34,922
They leave no footprints
on the ground.
682
01:17:36,118 --> 01:17:38,223
And they don't make a sound.
683
01:17:39,888 --> 01:17:41,834
They're almost invisible.
684
01:17:46,261 --> 01:17:50,107
If they disappeared altogether,
it would hardly change a thing.
685
01:17:50,932 --> 01:17:53,776
Odds are that no one
would even notice.
686
01:17:56,738 --> 01:17:58,115
I'm like them.
687
01:18:03,311 --> 01:18:07,225
I just want things to unfold more
or less the way they're supposed to.
688
01:18:07,416 --> 01:18:10,761
Birth, life, death.
689
01:18:13,021 --> 01:18:17,731
Maybe find one or two truths
to hold on to...
690
01:18:19,428 --> 01:18:22,136
some force that would keep me
with the living
691
01:18:22,264 --> 01:18:24,107
in the here and now...
692
01:18:27,269 --> 01:18:31,115
that would stop me from flying
towards darkness all the time.
693
01:18:35,977 --> 01:18:39,823
It feels like I'm struggling
with everything, all the time.
694
01:18:41,149 --> 01:18:43,151
I'm a little tired.
695
01:18:45,854 --> 01:18:49,131
I don't mind fighting.
I have the stamina.
696
01:18:49,257 --> 01:18:50,827
It's just that...
697
01:18:52,761 --> 01:18:55,139
It's such an absurd fight.
698
01:18:56,431 --> 01:18:58,138
It's a constant battle.
699
01:18:59,301 --> 01:19:02,009
It's like treading water.
700
01:19:03,939 --> 01:19:06,476
I'm doing what it takes
to stay on the surface,
701
01:19:06,808 --> 01:19:09,049
just enough not to drown.
702
01:19:10,345 --> 01:19:12,484
But fuck, I'm swallowing water...
703
01:19:14,349 --> 01:19:16,124
big mouthfuls.
704
01:19:18,386 --> 01:19:20,024
It's brutal.
705
01:19:21,957 --> 01:19:23,493
It hurts.
706
01:19:34,970 --> 01:19:37,382
I think I'm really tired.
707
01:20:00,262 --> 01:20:02,970
I don't think I'd mind dying.
708
01:20:06,334 --> 01:20:08,371
That's what I really think.
709
01:20:31,359 --> 01:20:33,930
Someone needs to take care of me.
710
01:20:40,235 --> 01:20:42,010
Someone strong,
711
01:20:43,138 --> 01:20:45,880
who can pick me up and carry me...
712
01:20:47,576 --> 01:20:49,283
to I don't know where.
713
01:20:51,179 --> 01:20:53,284
Wherever I have to be.
714
01:21:23,979 --> 01:21:25,583
Then put me down...
715
01:21:29,584 --> 01:21:31,427
And everything would get calm.
716
01:21:35,423 --> 01:21:37,926
And I could breathe easy...
717
01:21:40,228 --> 01:21:43,209
just breathe easy.
718
01:24:56,758 --> 01:24:59,830
"This lovely language
with its beautiful words
719
01:25:00,161 --> 01:25:03,142
"Carries its history
through its many accents
720
01:25:03,264 --> 01:25:05,642
"Filled with music
and the scent of herbs
721
01:25:05,767 --> 01:25:08,714
"Goat cheese and fresh bread
722
01:25:08,837 --> 01:25:11,374
"From Mont Saint-Michel
to the Contrescarpe
723
01:25:11,506 --> 01:25:13,816
"Listening; to the people
of this country speak
724
01:25:14,142 --> 01:25:16,452
"ls like a warm breeze
caught in a harp
725
01:25:16,578 --> 01:25:18,649
"Where the harmonies
resonate forever
726
01:25:18,780 --> 01:25:21,488
"The colours of this lovely language
are of Provence
727
01:25:21,616 --> 01:25:23,789
"And its heartbeat is found
within the words
728
01:25:24,119 --> 01:25:26,395
"Conversation
gives birth to a celebration
729
01:25:26,521 --> 01:25:29,502
"And words flow
as freely as a river
730
01:25:29,858 --> 01:25:32,862
"You'll get up early
Put on your cap
731
01:25:33,461 --> 01:25:34,531
"Go outside
732
01:25:34,662 --> 01:25:38,200
"The tree down the street
The fellow at the docks
733
01:25:38,333 --> 01:25:41,177
"The young girls' eyes
The sleeping baby
734
01:25:41,302 --> 01:25:43,111
"All of this is yours
735
01:25:43,638 --> 01:25:46,676
"You'll touch the ground,
the sea and its islands
736
01:25:46,808 --> 01:25:49,846
"You'll see the ships,
the gate and the friar
737
01:25:50,178 --> 01:25:53,216
"The castle and the bridge
and all the oat fields
738
01:25:53,348 --> 01:25:54,793
"This is your country
739
01:25:55,216 --> 01:25:59,687
"You'll return home heavy
after taking in all that is yours
740
01:25:59,821 --> 01:26:03,132
"And you'll tell your mother
that the horizon is clear
741
01:26:03,258 --> 01:26:05,898
"And she will be proud
to be from that country?
742
01:26:06,327 --> 01:26:08,637
"For a moment, I forgot my name
743
01:26:08,763 --> 01:26:11,539
"it allowed me
to write this song?
744
01:26:14,836 --> 01:26:16,406
Well done, would.
745
01:26:18,606 --> 01:26:20,449
Juliette, it's your turn.
746
01:26:34,222 --> 01:26:35,701
"Tomorrow I will vanquish
747
01:26:35,823 --> 01:26:37,393
"The night and the rain
748
01:26:38,526 --> 01:26:39,903
"For death...
749
01:26:40,929 --> 01:26:43,432
"For death is no more...T
750
01:26:46,634 --> 01:26:49,410
"No more than a cold little thing?
751
01:26:50,805 --> 01:26:52,478
"Tomorrow I will vanquish
752
01:26:52,607 --> 01:26:54,177
"The night and the rain
753
01:26:54,609 --> 01:26:57,681
"For death is no more
than a cold little thing
754
01:26:57,812 --> 01:27:00,258
"Of no importance at all
755
01:27:00,515 --> 01:27:02,256
"I will reach out to it tomorrow
756
01:27:02,383 --> 01:27:04,192
"But only tomorrow
757
01:27:04,319 --> 01:27:05,320
"Tomorrow
758
01:27:05,453 --> 01:27:08,491
"I will reach out my hands
with great sweetness?
759
01:31:10,164 --> 01:31:12,144
Translation by Joshua Beitel
760
01:31:12,467 --> 01:31:14,447
Subtitles by Vision Globale54408
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