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1
00:00:01,540 --> 00:00:03,040
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,040
It's hokey.
It's not. It's funny.
3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,040
It is not.
It is. Uh, okay, wait--
4
00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:11,550
Guys-- Guys, maybe you can, uh,
settle something for us.
5
00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:14,050
Now that Alex and I
are living together,
6
00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:16,550
we wanna change the message
on her answering machine.
7
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,550
Now, Alex wants a standard
8
00:00:19,550 --> 00:00:21,560
"We're not in. Yadda yadda.
Beep." Right? Okay.
9
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,060
I think that I have come up
with something that just has
10
00:00:25,060 --> 00:00:28,560
a little more personality.
11
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,070
BRIAN:
Okay, ready?
12
00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:33,070
I really don't wanna do this.
Just play along.
13
00:00:33,070 --> 00:00:34,570
Okay.
14
00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:38,570
( pirate voice ):
Avast there, mateys.
15
00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:40,580
This is Captain Brian.
16
00:00:40,580 --> 00:00:44,080
And this is Damsel Alex.
17
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,080
We're not aboard
the Jolly Roger right now.
18
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,590
But leave a message or we'll
make you walk the plank.
19
00:00:50,590 --> 00:00:53,590
BOTH:
Arr. Arr. Arr.
20
00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:55,090
What do you think?
21
00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:57,590
It's the most moronic thing
I've ever heard.
22
00:00:59,090 --> 00:01:01,100
Uh, can you guys put that
on my machine?
23
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:04,600
Correction: That is the most
moronic thing I've ever heard.
24
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,100
( piano theme playing )
25
00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:17,110
Excuse me.
26
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,610
I'm looking for a woman
with silky blond hair,
27
00:01:19,610 --> 00:01:20,620
alabaster skin
28
00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:24,120
and eyes a man can get lost in.
29
00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:26,620
Have you seen her?
30
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,120
I used to be her.
31
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,120
( chuckles )
32
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,630
But I-I-I guess
you want Helen Chapel.
33
00:01:32,630 --> 00:01:34,630
She runs the lunch counter here.
34
00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:35,630
Thank you.
35
00:01:38,630 --> 00:01:39,630
Hi.
Hi.
36
00:01:39,630 --> 00:01:43,640
Here's your French toast
and your eggs.
37
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:47,640
Hi.
Hi.
38
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,140
Okay, what can I get you?
39
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:51,150
Nothing.
40
00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:54,150
Okay.
41
00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:03,160
Uh, do I know you?
42
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,660
I'm Mark,
43
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:08,160
your waiter from the Crab House.
44
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,170
You were there a few months ago.
45
00:02:13,170 --> 00:02:15,170
I served you...
46
00:02:15,170 --> 00:02:17,670
crabs.
47
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,680
Oh, yeah, right.
48
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,680
I just came by to say, "Hi."
49
00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:29,680
So...
50
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:31,690
hi.
51
00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:35,690
Hi.
52
00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:38,190
Hi.
53
00:02:38,190 --> 00:02:39,690
Close your eyes and you'd swear
54
00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:42,200
you were at
the Algonquin Round Table.
55
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,700
Oh, my God.
56
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,200
Look at that woman.
57
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,210
BRIAN:
That's Roy's ex-wife.
58
00:02:52,210 --> 00:02:53,210
Hold it. Hold it.
59
00:02:53,210 --> 00:02:55,210
Somebody actually
married Roy?
60
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:58,710
Hey, there, Roy, uh,
61
00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:00,220
over at your counter--
62
00:03:00,210 --> 00:03:02,720
Isn't that your ex-wife?
63
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,720
Oh, my God. It is Sylvia.
64
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,720
Hackett, don't let her see me.
65
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:10,230
The last time we were together
she sicced a rottweiler on me.
66
00:03:11,230 --> 00:03:12,730
FAY:
That's your ex-wife?
67
00:03:12,730 --> 00:03:14,730
She's so elegant and refined
68
00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:17,230
and attractive and, um--
69
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:20,740
And what? Is it so hard to
believe she was married to me?
70
00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:22,740
Yeah.
71
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:24,740
What'd she do, lose a bet?
72
00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:26,240
( grumbles )
73
00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,240
Hey, what's goin' on?
74
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,750
It's Roy's ex-wife, Sylvia.
75
00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:32,750
FAY:
Can you believe it?
76
00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:34,750
Sure, why not?
77
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,250
Thanks, Chapel.
78
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,250
It's exactly the way
I pictured her.
79
00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:41,260
HELEN:
All the way down
to that tacky fur coat.
80
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,760
No, not her. The blond.
81
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,760
No way.
82
00:03:51,270 --> 00:03:53,270
Why don't you go over
and talk to her, Roy?
83
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:56,270
( grumbles )
Oh, what the hell.
84
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,270
How do I look?
85
00:03:58,270 --> 00:04:00,270
Well--
That's good enough.
86
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,780
Man, this is gonna be great.
87
00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:06,780
She is gonna tear him up.
( giggles )
88
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:09,280
Sylvia.
89
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,790
Hello, Roy.
Hi. Heh-heh.
90
00:04:10,790 --> 00:04:12,790
What are you, uh--?
91
00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:14,290
What are you doing
on Nantucket?
92
00:04:14,290 --> 00:04:16,790
I wanted to get away
from Boston for a few days,
93
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,790
and Palm Beach this time of year
94
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:21,300
is silly with Eurotrash.
95
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:23,300
I-I-I guess you must've
96
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:24,800
forgotten
that I live here, huh?
97
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,300
Not at all.
98
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,300
In fact, I was hoping
I would run into you.
99
00:04:40,310 --> 00:04:41,320
What are we lookin' at?
100
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,320
That blond over there
Roy's talking to?
101
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,320
That's his ex-wife, Sylvia.
102
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:46,820
No way.
Yeah.
103
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:48,820
JOE:
She's so...
104
00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:50,830
attractive.
105
00:04:50,830 --> 00:04:54,330
She oughta be. She married
a hotshot plastic surgeon.
106
00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:56,330
Oh, yeah, that's right.
When she was married to Roy,
107
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:59,330
she probably looked like Myra
from down at the bait shop.
108
00:05:01,340 --> 00:05:02,340
I dated Myra
109
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:05,340
for three and a half years.
110
00:05:10,340 --> 00:05:12,850
A-and a lovely woman she is.
111
00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:14,350
( stammers )
112
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:15,350
Who--? Who are you?
113
00:05:15,350 --> 00:05:16,350
I'm Mark,
114
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:19,850
Helen's waiter
from the Crab House.
115
00:05:19,850 --> 00:05:22,860
I served her...
116
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:24,860
crabs.
117
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,360
Oh.
118
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:35,870
What are we looking at?
119
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,370
HELEN:
That's Roy's ex-wife, Sylvia.
120
00:05:38,370 --> 00:05:40,880
No way.
121
00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:44,380
Here they come. Act normal.
122
00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:47,380
You, you're on your own.
123
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,880
SYLVIA:
I don't wanna be
an inconvenience.
124
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,390
( chuckles )
125
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:52,890
See you guys later.
126
00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:54,890
We're going to lunch.
127
00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:57,390
Oh, well, a-aren't you
at least gonna introduce us?
128
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:58,890
Oh, where are my manners? Heh.
129
00:05:58,890 --> 00:06:01,400
This is my, uh--
My ex-wife Sylvia.
130
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,400
Sylvia,
131
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,900
these are all the losers
I work with.
132
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:07,900
Charmed. Hee-hee.
133
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,410
( mellow piano theme playing )
134
00:06:18,910 --> 00:06:20,420
I could watch you
135
00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:22,920
scrape the gunk
off that griddle
136
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,920
all day.
137
00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:29,920
Thank you.
138
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:33,430
Joe, you've gotta help me.
139
00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:36,430
That kid's been staring at me
for hours.
140
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,430
He's got a crush on you.
What do you want me to do?
141
00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:40,430
Tell him to take a hike.
142
00:06:40,430 --> 00:06:41,940
Tell him to beat it.
143
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,940
Kick his weirdo butt outta here.
144
00:06:44,940 --> 00:06:47,940
I would, but I'm too nice.
145
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:48,940
No, I'm not gonna
break his heart.
146
00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:50,450
Besides, who can blame him?
147
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,450
( imitates Mark ):
You got the kind of spatulas
148
00:06:52,450 --> 00:06:55,450
that drive men wild.
149
00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:00,450
Is, uh, Roy back yet?
150
00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:01,460
No.
151
00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:02,960
Whew. Man, this--
152
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,460
This thing with
his ex-wife is--
153
00:07:04,460 --> 00:07:05,960
Is very strange.
154
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,460
Whoa. What are you
talking about?
155
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:10,460
Well, I mean, Sylvia showin' up
all of a sudden,
156
00:07:10,460 --> 00:07:13,470
being real nice to Roy,
inviting him out to lunch.
157
00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:15,470
Come on. What's the big deal?
They were married.
158
00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:17,470
I agree with Brian.
159
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:21,480
It's very strange.
160
00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:23,480
Who are you again?
161
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,980
Don't you remember?
He's Helen's crab boy.
162
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:30,490
Oh, hello.
163
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,990
( humming )
164
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:38,990
Hello, Joe.
165
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:42,000
Hi, guys. Heh-heh.
166
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,000
Hi, Alex.
167
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,500
What are you
so happy about?
168
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:48,000
Yeah. Sylvia pick up the check?
169
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,510
Better. She wants me back.
170
00:07:51,510 --> 00:07:53,010
Let's face it.
171
00:07:53,010 --> 00:07:54,010
Once you've
been with Roy Biggins,
172
00:07:54,010 --> 00:07:56,510
you never wanna
be with another man.
173
00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:01,020
Sounds about right.
174
00:08:01,020 --> 00:08:04,020
( upbeat theme playing )
175
00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:11,530
( upbeat piano theme playing )
176
00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:15,530
Well, Roy, what would
make you think
177
00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:17,030
Sylvia wants you back?
178
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,530
She asked me to have dinner
with her tonight.
179
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:21,040
In her hotel room.
180
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,540
( laughs )
181
00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:25,040
Smart lady. No witnesses.
182
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,040
( imitates Roy's laugh )
183
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,540
I knew she'd come back
eventually.
184
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:31,050
Now, if-- If you'll excuse me,
185
00:08:31,050 --> 00:08:33,050
I have got to get ready
for the big night.
186
00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:35,550
Oh, that's right. You're
about to romance a woman.
187
00:08:35,550 --> 00:08:37,550
You'll wanna shower, shave,
188
00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:38,550
buy chloroform.
189
00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:39,550
( groans )
190
00:08:39,550 --> 00:08:41,560
Okay, make all
the jokes you want,
191
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:43,060
but the important thing here
192
00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:46,560
is my Sylvia is comin' back.
193
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:50,570
Did I hear Roy say
that Sylvia wants him back?
194
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:51,570
Yeah.
195
00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:53,070
Well, I don't mean to be rude,
196
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:55,570
but...why?
197
00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:56,570
BRIAN:
I've seen her house.
198
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:59,570
She's way too classy for Roy.
199
00:08:59,570 --> 00:09:01,580
She's got a mansion, a butler.
200
00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:03,580
She's got those heart-shaped
soaps in her bathroom
201
00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:05,580
that a less cultured person
would've mistaken
202
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:07,580
for little white chocolates.
203
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,580
ANTONIO:
Yeah.
204
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,590
Brian does have a point.
205
00:09:11,590 --> 00:09:13,590
What could Roy possibly have
206
00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:15,590
that her husband doesn't?
207
00:09:15,590 --> 00:09:19,090
Well, he does have
that cool chair in his office
208
00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:21,600
that's shaped like a big hand.
209
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,600
FAY:
Well, who's to say
210
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:24,600
what attracts one person
211
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,100
to another.
HELEN: I know.
212
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,600
Sometimes you see people
and you think,
213
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,100
"How'd they ever get together?"
214
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:32,110
Yeah. Look at Lyle Lovett
and Julia Roberts.
215
00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:33,110
I know.
216
00:09:33,110 --> 00:09:35,610
What in the hell
does he see in her?
217
00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:42,620
Well, I think the mark
of a good couple
218
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:44,620
is if you can
picture them in bed,
219
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:47,120
and it brings
a smile to your face.
220
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,620
For instance,
221
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:51,630
Fred and Ethel Mertz.
222
00:09:53,130 --> 00:09:54,630
So would that be a good couple
223
00:09:54,630 --> 00:09:56,630
or a bad couple?
224
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:58,630
I always thought it was
225
00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:02,140
good for Fred,
bad for Ethel.
226
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,640
You know what's one of the great
mysteries of the world to me?
227
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,140
Hang on.
228
00:10:09,140 --> 00:10:11,650
Charlie and Maria Callas.
229
00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:17,150
Lowell, look, Charlie Callas
230
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,650
is a zany nightclub comic.
231
00:10:19,650 --> 00:10:23,160
Maria Callas was
a world-renowned opera star.
232
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,160
The two have absolutely
nothing in common.
233
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,160
Ha! Proves my point.
234
00:10:31,670 --> 00:10:33,170
Helen,
235
00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:37,170
what do you find attractive
in a man?
236
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:41,680
A Harvard education.
237
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:43,180
Class of '89.
238
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,180
All right. All right, let's--
Let's-- Let's just--
239
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:52,190
For the sake of argument,
let's assume
240
00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:55,190
that Sylvia once was
attracted to Roy.
241
00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:58,190
Why in the hell would she make
the same mistake twice?
242
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,190
There's one possibility
we haven't considered.
243
00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:02,700
Maybe we're selling Roy short.
244
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,200
I don't know, maybe there's
a side of him that's,
245
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,700
I don't know,
246
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,700
romantic, charming, sensitive.
247
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:09,700
ROY:
Coming through.
248
00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:10,700
Coming through.
249
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:14,210
Time to take the little lady
to headboard heaven.
250
00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:16,710
( upbeat piano theme playing )
251
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:26,220
( phone ringing )
252
00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:35,230
Aeromass.
253
00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:37,230
Uh-huh.
254
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:38,230
Really?
255
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,230
Really?
256
00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:41,740
Really? Okay.
257
00:11:41,740 --> 00:11:42,740
Thanks for calling. Cool.
258
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:44,240
Yes.
259
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:45,240
Hey, what are you
so happy about?
260
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:46,740
Brian, that was some guy
on the phone
261
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,740
telling me that Bunny
was coming to Nantucket
262
00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:50,740
to sleep with me,
because she caught him in bed
263
00:11:50,740 --> 00:11:52,750
with his secretary.
264
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:57,250
Somebody just called you
on Roy's phone,
265
00:11:57,250 --> 00:12:00,760
to tell you that Bunny's
coming to sleep with you?
266
00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:02,760
Yeah.
267
00:12:04,260 --> 00:12:06,760
Well, did he actually
ever mention Bunny's name?
268
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,760
Well, no,
but he said my ex-wife.
269
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,270
And, you know, I mean,
how many ex-wives do I have?
270
00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:15,270
Oh, man, I just-- I knew--
I knew there had to be a reason.
271
00:12:15,270 --> 00:12:17,270
Lowell. Lowell,
don't you get it?
272
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:21,280
That was obviously
Sylvia's husband on the phone.
273
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,780
He must've had an affair, right?
274
00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:24,280
That's why--
That's why she came here.
275
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,280
To get even with him
by sleeping with Roy.
276
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,280
( sighs )
Yeah.
277
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,290
Hello.
278
00:12:31,290 --> 00:12:34,290
I don't even know him.
Why would he call me?
279
00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:36,290
( upbeat theme playing )
280
00:12:40,790 --> 00:12:43,300
( mellow piano theme playing )
281
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,310
Mm. Syl, I still can't believe
we're here together.
282
00:12:52,310 --> 00:12:54,810
Neither can I.
283
00:12:56,310 --> 00:12:57,810
Sorta reminds me of
284
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,310
where we spent
our wedding night.
285
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:00,310
Oh, yeah.
286
00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:02,320
Whatever happened to that car?
287
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:03,320
( Roy chortles )
288
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,320
No, Syl, I meant the cabin.
289
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,320
Oh.
Heh.
290
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,830
Do you want some more champagne?
Please.
291
00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:11,830
Now, don't drink
too much,
292
00:13:11,830 --> 00:13:13,830
or you won't
remember a thing.
293
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:15,830
Syl, Syl...
294
00:13:20,830 --> 00:13:21,840
Well,
295
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,840
why don't I just go change.
296
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:25,840
Ch-ch-change?
297
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:26,840
As--? As in to--?
298
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,840
Into something
more comfortable?
299
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,840
[SIGHS]
Yeah.
300
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,850
You still want me to be here
when you come back out?
301
00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:35,350
That's the point.
302
00:13:35,350 --> 00:13:36,850
Oh, Syl.
303
00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:41,360
Don't be long.
304
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,860
( laughs )
305
00:13:42,860 --> 00:13:44,860
Oh, you.
306
00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:46,360
( chortles )
307
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,860
You are a stud.
308
00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:51,370
( knock at door )
309
00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:55,870
( humming )
310
00:13:55,870 --> 00:13:58,370
Hi, Roy. Listen, I gotta talk
to you. It's very important.
311
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,370
Hackett, I don't know
what the hell you're doin' here,
312
00:14:00,370 --> 00:14:01,880
but whatever it is,
it can wait.
313
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,880
Whoa. Whoa, Roy.
Roy, it cannot wait.
314
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,380
It can't wait. Listen.
Listen to me.
315
00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:07,880
It's about Sylvia.
316
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,880
I hate to be the one to have
to tell you this, but, um,
317
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:11,890
she's using you.
318
00:14:11,890 --> 00:14:13,390
Not yet, but she's about to.
319
00:14:13,390 --> 00:14:14,390
No, wait, Roy.
320
00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:15,890
Roy, I'm tellin' you,
321
00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:17,390
her husband called.
322
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,390
That's the reason she's here:
323
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,390
To get even with him
for having an affair.
324
00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:21,900
Right.
325
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:25,400
And you expect me to believe
that you, of all people,
326
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:26,900
came racing
all the way down here
327
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,400
just to help me out?
328
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,900
Now, why would you do that,
Hackett, huh?
329
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:32,410
I'll tell you why. One friend
sees another friend in trouble--
330
00:14:33,410 --> 00:14:36,910
That doesn't apply, does it?
No.
331
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,910
Well-- Look-- I don't know.
332
00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:40,910
Uh, listen, yesterday if you
told me that I would've taken
333
00:14:40,910 --> 00:14:42,420
one step out of my way
to help you,
334
00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:44,420
I would've said you were crazy
but the fact is that
335
00:14:44,420 --> 00:14:47,420
when one guy sees another guy
about to get dumped on,
336
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,420
he wants to help him out.
337
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:51,930
Even if that guy is you.
338
00:14:51,930 --> 00:14:54,930
Wait a minute here, Hackett.
339
00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:55,930
You are serious.
340
00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:57,430
Yeah, I'm serious.
341
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,430
So what you're saying
342
00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:01,440
is that Sylvia doesn't care
anything about me,
343
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,440
I don't mean anything to her,
344
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:06,440
that she just wants
to get me into bed
345
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,440
and use me like some
cheap piece of meat?
346
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:11,450
Exactly.
347
00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:14,950
I can live with that.
348
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,950
Wow-ow-ow, Syl.
349
00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:22,960
You look great.
350
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,460
That looks just like the kind
of lingerie I used to buy you
351
00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:26,960
when we were married.
352
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,460
No, it doesn't. The kind
you used to buy me lit up.
353
00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:33,470
Well,
354
00:15:33,470 --> 00:15:36,470
let's have a night
we'll never forget.
355
00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:37,470
( cackles )
356
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,470
All right.
357
00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:41,980
I am ready.
358
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:44,980
You know, Syl,
359
00:15:44,980 --> 00:15:47,480
I've dreamt about this night...
360
00:15:51,490 --> 00:15:53,490
Sylvia? S--?
361
00:15:53,490 --> 00:15:54,990
You're wearin' a mask. Heh.
362
00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:56,990
It's a sleep mask.
363
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,490
But we're about to
make love here.
364
00:15:58,490 --> 00:15:59,990
Oh, well, it's a fantasy.
365
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:01,500
I'll be Catwoman,
366
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:04,000
you be...quick.
367
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,000
Is there anything
you wanna tell me, Sylvia?
368
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,000
What?
369
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,510
Oh.
370
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:15,510
This is a moment
I've been dreaming of for years.
371
00:16:15,510 --> 00:16:16,510
I need you.
372
00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:18,510
I want you.
373
00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:21,020
Try not to touch the hair.
374
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:23,520
Anything else?
375
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,520
Oh, yes. Can you
turn off the lights?
376
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,020
But you're wearing a mask.
377
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,520
Yes, but I can see
a little something
378
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,520
out the sides.
379
00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:33,030
How's that?
380
00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:35,030
No, I'm still getting something.
381
00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:36,530
It's the moon.
382
00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:38,030
Oh, for God's sake,
383
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:39,530
I can't go through with this.
384
00:16:39,530 --> 00:16:41,040
Why on earth not?
385
00:16:41,030 --> 00:16:42,540
I'm not in the mood.
386
00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:43,040
You?
387
00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:47,040
You found out, didn't you?
388
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,540
Yeah. Your husband called
to warn me.
389
00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:50,540
Damn it.
390
00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:52,050
Sylvia, how could
you do that?
391
00:16:52,050 --> 00:16:53,550
Oh, I'm sorry, Roy.
392
00:16:53,550 --> 00:16:56,050
When I found out about
him and his secretary,
393
00:16:56,050 --> 00:16:58,550
all I could think about
was getting even
394
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:01,060
by sleeping with
the first guy I could find.
395
00:17:01,050 --> 00:17:03,060
I knew that would hurt him.
396
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:04,560
But why did you pick me?
397
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,060
'Cause I knew
that would kill him.
398
00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:10,560
But some part of you must've
399
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,070
wanted to be here with me.
400
00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:13,570
I mean, you could've just
told your husband
401
00:17:13,570 --> 00:17:15,070
that we slept together.
402
00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:16,570
You could've just
lied to him, Syl.
403
00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:19,070
No, he knows me too well.
404
00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:20,070
I can't fake things with him
405
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:23,080
the way I could with you.
406
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,580
Thanks a lot.
407
00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:26,080
Oh, I'm sorry, Roy.
408
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,580
I was trying to hurt him,
409
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:30,080
not you.
410
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,090
Come on. What do you say?
411
00:17:32,090 --> 00:17:33,590
Can you help me out?
412
00:17:33,590 --> 00:17:35,590
For old times' sake?
413
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,090
Sure, what the hell.
414
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:39,590
( giggles )
415
00:17:39,590 --> 00:17:41,600
What's one more
roll in the hay, huh?
416
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,100
( chuckles )
Really?
417
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,600
Nah. Heh-heh.
418
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,100
I'm such a tease. Heh-heh.
419
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:50,100
( piano theme playing )
420
00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:57,610
Oh, Helen, I've been thinking
about your little problem
421
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:01,120
with Mark, your crab boy.
422
00:18:01,110 --> 00:18:03,120
It reminds me of the way
we stewardesses
423
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:06,120
used to deal with
overly amorous passengers.
424
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,620
Well, actually, Fay--
No, no, no. Listen and learn.
425
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,130
You just walk by, smile sweetly,
426
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:12,630
and then when no one's looking,
427
00:18:12,630 --> 00:18:14,130
give them a quick rap
on the nose
428
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:17,130
with one of those
tiny liquor bottles.
429
00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:21,130
Well, actually, Fay,
I don't have a problem anymore.
430
00:18:21,130 --> 00:18:24,640
I explained to Mark that I'm not
the only woman in the world,
431
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:28,640
and that he should find someone
better suited for him.
432
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,650
Oh, Alex, that was the most
exciting helicopter ride
433
00:18:31,650 --> 00:18:32,650
I ever took.
434
00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:34,650
So how'd you learn to fly?
435
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:38,150
Would you just get away from me,
and stop with the bug-eyes?
436
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:40,150
Thanks a lot, Helen.
437
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:44,160
( upbeat piano theme playing )
438
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,660
ROY: Hey, Hackett.
No, no, no, Roy.
439
00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:52,170
Roy, don't say a word, okay?
440
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:53,670
You were right,
absolutely right.
441
00:18:53,670 --> 00:18:55,170
I had no business showing up
at that hotel.
442
00:18:55,170 --> 00:18:56,670
No, Hackett,
I wanna tell you--
443
00:18:56,670 --> 00:18:57,670
No, no, please. Spare me.
444
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,670
Spare me the grisly details,
okay?
445
00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:02,180
I didn't do anything.
446
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:03,180
What?
447
00:19:03,180 --> 00:19:06,680
Oh, she was there
for the taking.
448
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,180
And I just walked out.
449
00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:12,690
Really?
450
00:19:14,690 --> 00:19:15,690
Gee, you?
451
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,190
Well, uh, I-I-I guess you--
452
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:21,190
You kinda did the right thing.
( sighs )
453
00:19:21,190 --> 00:19:22,700
I mean, why would you
wanna be with a woman
454
00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:24,200
who treats you that way, anyway?
455
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,700
I don't know. Heh.
456
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,200
Maybe it was 'cause I thought
457
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,200
things could go back to being
the way they were
458
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:31,200
when we were first married.
459
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,710
Oh, Hackett.
460
00:19:32,710 --> 00:19:35,210
We used to walk
down the street,
461
00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:37,710
and every guy would turn
and look at my wife.
462
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,210
And you know what
they were thinkin'?
463
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:41,210
How the hell a guy like you
ever got a woman like that?
464
00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:43,220
Exactly.
465
00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:44,720
And I loved it.
466
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,220
They envied me, Hackett.
467
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,720
And when she came back
yesterday,
468
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,720
I saw the way you guys were
looking at her in the terminal.
469
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,730
I got that feeling again.
470
00:19:53,730 --> 00:19:56,730
Till I found out she was
only here to use me
471
00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:58,730
to prove a point
to her husband.
472
00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:01,240
( chuckles )
Oh, then I knew.
473
00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:04,240
Sylvia and I are never, ever
gonna get back together again.
474
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,740
Wow, Roy. It's--
It's been 20 years.
475
00:20:06,740 --> 00:20:08,740
Um, did you really think
she'd be comin' back?
476
00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:10,740
I always had a glimmer of hope.
477
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:14,250
I didn't say
it was a big glimmer.
478
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:17,250
But it was
definitely there.
479
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,750
Till last night.
480
00:20:19,750 --> 00:20:21,760
Suddenly, it seemed so wrong
to go through with it
481
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,260
just for a cheap thrill.
482
00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:27,260
Oh, wh-who said that?
483
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,260
Oh, Hackett,
why am I bein' so stupid?
484
00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:30,760
What is wrong with me?
485
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,270
Well, it's-- It's just guess,
but it sounds like
486
00:20:33,270 --> 00:20:35,770
you might've experienced
a moment of human dignity.
487
00:20:35,770 --> 00:20:37,770
Damn, I was afraid of that.
488
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,770
Hackett, I wanted her.
489
00:20:39,770 --> 00:20:41,280
I heard this voice
in my head saying,
490
00:20:41,270 --> 00:20:43,280
"Don't do it. Don't do it."
What the hell was that?
491
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,780
It's your conscience.
492
00:20:44,780 --> 00:20:47,280
Oh, no. No.
493
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,280
Oh, this can't be happening.
494
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,790
I'm losin' my edge here,
Hackett.
495
00:20:51,790 --> 00:20:53,290
Hey, Antonio, thanks a lot
for the ride.
496
00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:56,790
Did I give you the impression
it was for free?
497
00:20:56,790 --> 00:20:58,290
Listen, uh, Joe,
498
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,790
um, Roy just, uh,
499
00:21:00,790 --> 00:21:02,300
was telling me about
last night with Sylvia.
500
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:03,800
Yeah, great.
501
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,800
No, no, no.
No, listen, guys.
502
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,300
Uh, I really think you--
You'd wanna hear this.
503
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:09,300
Roy.
504
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:10,800
Well, if I don't tell 'em,
505
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,810
you probably will.
506
00:21:13,810 --> 00:21:15,810
I was an animal. Heh-heh.
507
00:21:15,810 --> 00:21:18,810
I got her so hot,
sprinklers went off.
508
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:21,320
We went on for hours.
509
00:21:21,310 --> 00:21:22,320
I was so good,
510
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,820
I screamed out my own name.
511
00:21:24,820 --> 00:21:25,820
I was--
I've heard enough.
512
00:21:25,820 --> 00:21:27,320
That'll do it for me.
Wait a minute.
513
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,320
Guys, no. Come on, now.
514
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,820
You haven't heard
the details.
515
00:21:30,820 --> 00:21:32,330
Roy, what the hell was that?
516
00:21:32,330 --> 00:21:34,330
What happened to--?
To human dignity?
517
00:21:34,330 --> 00:21:35,830
What happened
to your conscience?
518
00:21:35,830 --> 00:21:37,830
I know.
519
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:40,830
I was worried too,
but it's okay.
520
00:21:40,830 --> 00:21:41,840
I'm back.
521
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,340
( chortles )
522
00:21:43,340 --> 00:21:44,840
( piano theme playing )
523
00:21:50,640 --> 00:22:02,860
( upbeat piano theme playing )
35396
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