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1
00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:05,740
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:05,740 --> 00:00:07,240
Woo! Wasn't that fun?
3
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,240
Oh, I cannot believe
we have to park our cars
4
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,240
halfway across town.
5
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,750
My house is closer
than that damn parking lot.
6
00:00:12,750 --> 00:00:14,750
It's your fault. You're the one
that kept complaining
7
00:00:14,750 --> 00:00:16,750
about the potholes
in the employee parking lot.
8
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,250
Oh, yeah, Roy,
now they're resurfacing it.
9
00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:21,760
We all have to squeeze into
this teeny little shuttle bus
10
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,760
for a week, and--
And I think Creepy Harold
11
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,260
from the fuel dock
goosed me.
12
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,260
He goosed me too.
13
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:29,260
No, he didn't.
14
00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:39,270
Greetings,
motorized vehicle users.
15
00:00:39,270 --> 00:00:41,780
Oh, Lowell, you know, I think
next time you go shopping
16
00:00:41,780 --> 00:00:44,280
you might want
to take someone with you.
17
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:47,280
No, Fay,
this is a bicycling suit.
18
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,780
I mean, since we can't
park here anymore,
19
00:00:48,780 --> 00:00:50,280
I've been biking
to work.
20
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,790
And this suit
makes me aerodynamic.
21
00:00:52,790 --> 00:00:55,290
Yeah, it was either that
or shave my entire body
22
00:00:55,290 --> 00:00:57,290
and ride naked.
23
00:00:57,290 --> 00:01:00,290
Good choice.
That woulda looked stupid.
24
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:02,300
So, what are
those little glasses?
25
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:04,800
Oh, well, these are actually
little rear-view mirrors
26
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,300
so I can see
what's behind me.
27
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:09,300
For instance, man in
a plaid jacket just walked in.
28
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:12,810
And I can see that you are
making a fresh pot of coffee.
29
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:15,310
Ha! See, I got 'em
for safety. See ya.
30
00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:17,810
( upbeat theme playing )
31
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:25,820
Good morning, Helen,
Fay, Lowell.
32
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,820
You're looking
very Smurf-like.
33
00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:29,820
Thank you.
34
00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:30,820
Guess what.
35
00:01:30,820 --> 00:01:32,830
I just drove to the airport
36
00:01:32,830 --> 00:01:35,330
in my brand-new used cab.
37
00:01:35,330 --> 00:01:36,830
That's good.
Oh, ain't that exciting?
38
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,330
Ahhh.
39
00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:39,830
I just
couldn't wait to--
40
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:42,840
To get here
and tell all my friends.
41
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,840
I wish I had some.
42
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,840
Well, I'm sorry,
Antonio.
43
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,840
We're just having
a bad morning.
44
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,840
I thought you couldn't
afford a new cab.
45
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,850
Well, I can't. But I found a way
to make some extra money.
46
00:01:53,850 --> 00:01:56,350
A local employment agency
47
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,350
has arranged for me to be
a-- A part-time chauffeur
48
00:01:59,350 --> 00:02:01,360
for some big shot
on the island.
49
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,360
Ah, take a little tip
from me, Antonio.
50
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,860
Don't wear
one of those chauffeur hats.
51
00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:07,860
People would stare.
52
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,370
Hey, you guys are not gonna
believe what's outside.
53
00:02:14,370 --> 00:02:16,870
It's, uh...
Lowell, um...
54
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,870
Now, I think you're taking
this whole safe sex thing
55
00:02:18,870 --> 00:02:21,880
just a little
too seriously.
56
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,380
Hey, enough with Lowell.
What's out there?
57
00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:26,380
Oh, oh, oh, man.
Oh, it's awful.
58
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,380
What?
59
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:29,380
What is it, Joe?
Killer bees?
60
00:02:29,380 --> 00:02:30,890
Locusts?
61
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:32,890
Ed
from the cheese store?
62
00:02:32,890 --> 00:02:34,390
Worse.
63
00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:37,390
It's Carlton Blanchard.
( groaning )
64
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:38,390
Gah!
65
00:02:39,390 --> 00:02:42,400
Oh, no.
Not the old man.
66
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,900
Oh, well,
who's Carlton Blanchard?
67
00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:45,900
Somebody else tell her.
I'm outta here.
68
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:46,900
Oh, he's this horrible
old geezer
69
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,400
who constantly
manipulates people.
70
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,410
He conned me and Joe into flying
him halfway across the country.
71
00:02:52,410 --> 00:02:54,910
He conned me into nursing him
for a week, the little ferret.
72
00:02:54,910 --> 00:02:57,410
Ugh, that's not the worst part.
73
00:02:57,410 --> 00:03:00,410
It's those stupid questions
he asks
74
00:03:00,410 --> 00:03:02,920
in that awful grating voice.
75
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,920
I'm back.
76
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,920
Oh, God.
It's alive.
77
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,430
Oh.
78
00:03:13,430 --> 00:03:16,930
You're all a sight
for sore eyes.
79
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,930
Which reminds me,
80
00:03:18,930 --> 00:03:21,940
you know
those crusty little things
81
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,440
that get in your eyes
in the morning?
82
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,440
Where do they come from?
83
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,440
Wait right here.
I'll go find out.
84
00:03:31,450 --> 00:03:33,950
Oh, I've never seen you
around here before.
85
00:03:33,950 --> 00:03:36,950
I'm Alex. I moved up
last year from Florida.
86
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,950
Florida.
87
00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:42,460
If you were
to carpet Florida,
88
00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:47,460
how long would it take
to vacuum it?
89
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:50,970
Why would anyone
wanna carpet Florida?
90
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,970
What kind of a stupid question
is that?
91
00:03:54,970 --> 00:03:57,970
Wait right here.
I'll go find out.
92
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:04,480
How've you been, Angelo?
93
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,480
I said, how've you been,
Angelo?!
94
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,490
For the hundredth time,
95
00:04:14,490 --> 00:04:16,490
my name is Antonio.
96
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,990
A-N-T-O-N-I-O.
97
00:04:18,990 --> 00:04:19,990
Oh.
98
00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:22,500
That brings up
a question.
99
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,000
What doesn't?
100
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,000
If I were to eat
alphabet soup,
101
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,510
could they see
the little letters
102
00:04:31,510 --> 00:04:34,010
in an x-ray?
103
00:04:35,510 --> 00:04:37,510
If you were
to eat alphabet soup,
104
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:39,010
they would see the little
letters
105
00:04:39,010 --> 00:04:41,010
by holding you up
to a strong light.
106
00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:42,520
( laughs )
107
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,520
That's a good one.
108
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,520
I don't get it.
109
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:50,520
Well, as much fun
as this is,
110
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:54,530
I'm expecting someone
for an important job interview.
111
00:04:54,530 --> 00:04:55,530
So excuse me.
112
00:04:55,530 --> 00:04:58,030
What sort of job?
113
00:04:58,030 --> 00:04:59,530
Chauffeur.
114
00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:00,530
Hot diggity,
115
00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:04,040
I'm the one
you're gonna work for.
116
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,540
Please, God, no.
117
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:11,550
This Friday,
I'm being honored
118
00:05:11,550 --> 00:05:16,050
as Nantucket's
Retired Businessman of the Year.
119
00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:20,050
So I'm gonna need a driver
to help me get ready.
120
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:22,560
Why can't you just
drive yourself?
121
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,060
Ah, they took my car away.
122
00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:28,560
You drive through
one living room,
123
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:32,070
suddenly,
you're an insurance risk.
124
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,570
Look,
I need the job,
125
00:05:34,570 --> 00:05:37,570
but, uh, not that badly,
so forget it.
126
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:40,570
Aw, it would only be
for a week.
127
00:05:40,570 --> 00:05:42,580
Hey, it could be like
that movie.
128
00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:45,580
You know, with the old lady
and the black fellow?
129
00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:47,580
What was that called?
130
00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:49,580
Driving Miss Daisy.
131
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:51,590
No, no, no.
132
00:05:51,590 --> 00:05:55,590
He drove her around town
in a big car.
133
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,090
Driving Miss Daisy.
134
00:05:58,090 --> 00:05:59,590
No.
135
00:05:59,590 --> 00:06:03,100
No, it was one of those
artsy pictures.
136
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,600
Driving...Miss Daisy.
137
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,110
I think
it was set in the South.
138
00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:14,610
( angrily ):
Driving Miss Daisy.
139
00:06:14,610 --> 00:06:18,110
That's it.
( groans )
140
00:06:18,110 --> 00:06:20,610
I'll pay you $25 an hour.
141
00:06:21,620 --> 00:06:24,620
No. No way. No.
142
00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:26,620
Nope.
Antonio.
143
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,620
No.
I hate to tell you this,
144
00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:31,130
but didn't sound like
you have a choice.
145
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,630
Would you do it?
What are you, nuts? No.
146
00:06:34,630 --> 00:06:37,630
I mean, where else are you gonna
get that kind of money?
147
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:41,140
All right.
148
00:06:43,140 --> 00:06:44,140
All right.
149
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:46,640
On one condition:
150
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,640
that you never, ever
151
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,150
talk to me.
152
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:54,650
My lips are sealed.
153
00:06:54,650 --> 00:06:56,150
Okay, let's go.
154
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:58,150
Here's a question:
155
00:06:58,150 --> 00:07:01,660
If they were to actually
seal someone's lips,
156
00:07:01,660 --> 00:07:05,160
would he have to belch
through his nose?
157
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:09,160
( upbeat piano theme playing )
158
00:07:13,170 --> 00:07:17,170
( upbeat piano theme playing )
159
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,170
Uh, do you guys know what time
that shuttle bus is coming?
160
00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:22,180
I thought you were
riding a bike these days.
161
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:26,180
Yeah, well, I had to stop.
I developed a rash.
162
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:29,180
Oh. Because of that tight blue
bicycle suit?
163
00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:30,680
No.
164
00:07:34,190 --> 00:07:36,190
ROY:
Hey, Scarpacci,
have you seen
165
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,690
that damn shuttle bus
out there yet?
166
00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:41,700
No, and if I did, I would
throw myself in front of it.
167
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:43,200
This-- This has been
the worst week of my life.
168
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,700
I've had to take the old man
to have his hair cut,
169
00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:47,200
his nails manicured,
170
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,200
his pasty little body massaged.
171
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,210
The only good part
was getting his teeth cleaned.
172
00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:54,710
What was good about that?
173
00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:57,210
He didn't have to be there.
174
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,710
Thank God.
All I have left
175
00:07:59,710 --> 00:08:02,720
is to pick up his nephew who's
flying in for his testimonial.
176
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,720
And then Hell Week is over.
177
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,220
So where's Carlton anyway?
178
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,720
Oh, he's outside
asking the traffic cop...
179
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,230
( as Carlton ):
"Why do they call 'em
'handcuffs'
180
00:08:14,230 --> 00:08:17,730
if you wear 'em
on your wrists?"
181
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:19,730
Is my nephew here yet?
182
00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:22,240
No, not yet,
but he should be here soon.
183
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:26,240
You know, he's the heir
to my lumber yard fortune.
184
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,740
When I go,
he gets it all.
185
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:32,750
Except my body.
That goes to science.
186
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:36,750
Until then,
it's up for grabs.
187
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,750
One more crack
like that,
188
00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:43,760
and science
won't have to wait.
189
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,260
Uncle Carlton!
Ahhh!
190
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:52,770
Lewis.
191
00:08:52,770 --> 00:08:54,770
You scared me
half to death.
192
00:08:54,770 --> 00:08:57,270
What was I thinking?
193
00:08:58,270 --> 00:09:00,770
Say,
have you been working out?
194
00:09:00,770 --> 00:09:03,780
Yes, I'm buff.
195
00:09:03,780 --> 00:09:06,780
I think
we should be going.
196
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,280
Hey,
you must be Angelo.
197
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,790
I'm Lewis. I'm like
the son he never had.
198
00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,790
At least that's what
it says in his will.
199
00:09:14,790 --> 00:09:16,790
It still says that,
right?
200
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:17,790
Oh, yeah.
201
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:18,790
Great!
202
00:09:18,790 --> 00:09:21,800
Oh, Jesus, Mary
and Joseph.
203
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,300
You see them?
204
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,300
Can we get going?
205
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:29,800
Hold on a second, Angelo.
I wanna get some water.
206
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:33,310
I have a Dramamine
stuck down the wrong pipe.
207
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,810
He's a fine boy.
208
00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:43,820
It's too bad he's got
that annoying voice.
209
00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:45,820
You know what I mean.
210
00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:48,820
I have a vague idea.
211
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:51,330
He just keeps going and going.
212
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,830
He's like that thing on TV
with the drums and the ears.
213
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:56,330
The Energizer bunny.
214
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,330
No,
the commercial.
215
00:09:58,330 --> 00:10:00,830
The Energizer bunny.
216
00:10:00,830 --> 00:10:01,840
( laughs ):
No.
217
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,840
It's with the drum.
218
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,340
The Energizer bunny.
With the ears.
219
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,340
ALL:
The Energizer bunny!
220
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:12,350
That's it.
( all groan )
221
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:14,350
The shuttle come yet?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
222
00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:16,850
We just wanted to spend a little
more quality time with Carlton.
223
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:21,360
Here you go.
224
00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:24,360
Thanks. Hi.
I'm Lewis.
225
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,860
Top stereo salesman
at Shwarma Electronics,
226
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:31,370
in the heart
of midtown Manhattan.
227
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,370
Charmed. I'm Helen.
228
00:10:33,370 --> 00:10:34,370
Alex.
229
00:10:34,370 --> 00:10:35,870
Brian.
230
00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:39,370
So Helen, Alex.
231
00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:43,880
What winks and makes love
like a tiger?
232
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,880
I've been to boot camp.
I can hurt you.
233
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,390
I'm a salesman.
No, you can't.
234
00:10:54,390 --> 00:10:57,890
Say, you look like
a local yokel.
235
00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:01,900
Eh, that one over there.
You think I got a shot with her?
236
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:03,400
She's my girlfriend.
237
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,900
Oh, good,
then you would know.
238
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:06,900
You think I got
a shot with her?
239
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:11,910
JOE:
Hey, listen,
240
00:11:11,910 --> 00:11:15,410
I just got off the phone
with the-- Oh, no.
241
00:11:15,410 --> 00:11:18,910
Hey, Joe-Joe.
242
00:11:18,910 --> 00:11:21,420
Do you know--?
No, I don't know.
243
00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:24,420
No, I was just won--
I don't know.
244
00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:27,920
I was just asking--
I don't know. No more questions.
245
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,920
I was just asking
if you know
246
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,930
that your fly is down.
247
00:11:32,930 --> 00:11:33,930
( laughs )
248
00:11:33,930 --> 00:11:35,930
Made you look.
249
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,930
Anyway, uh,
250
00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:42,940
seems the shuttle bus
went off the road
251
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:44,440
and, uh, got stuck
in a snowbank.
252
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,940
ROY:
I don't believe this.
253
00:11:45,940 --> 00:11:47,440
How are we gonna
get to our cars?
254
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,940
Well, I-- I-I can take
some of you in my cab.
255
00:11:50,940 --> 00:11:52,950
Hey, wait a minute,
Angelo.
256
00:11:52,950 --> 00:11:56,950
If you take your friends
for a ride, I'm gonna be late
257
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:57,950
for my banquet.
258
00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,450
All right, all right.
259
00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:01,960
I'll-- I will
drop you and Lewis off,
260
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,460
and then I will take them
to the parking lot.
261
00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:05,960
Who want
to come with me?
262
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,960
Well, I'm going with you.
Well, I'm not.
263
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,460
I'm sick of waiting around.
I'll go.
264
00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:13,470
Uh, count me in.
I'll go.
265
00:12:13,470 --> 00:12:17,470
I'll wait here
and ride with the ladies.
266
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,970
( door opens )
267
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:20,470
I have room for one more.
268
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:24,480
You know, when I look at the
both of you beautiful ladies,
269
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:27,480
two words
come to mind:
270
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,980
Lewis
271
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,990
sandwich.
272
00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:35,990
I think I'm gonna ride
with Antonio.
273
00:12:35,990 --> 00:12:37,990
N-n-n-n-n-no. I'll go.
N-n-n-no, really, I'll go.
274
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,490
No, no, I-I'll go.
You stay here, I'll go.
275
00:12:39,490 --> 00:12:41,490
Look, Mel Gibson.
276
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:50,000
You know, I have a camcorder
that shoots in the dark.
277
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,010
Yeah, I got a gun
that does the same thing.
278
00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:57,510
( upbeat piano theme playing )
279
00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:02,520
ANTONIO:
Okay, here's the banquet hall.
Out you go.
280
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,520
( car door opens )
You're too close to the wall,
281
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,020
I can't open the door.
282
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,520
ANTONIO:
Ugh, all right.
283
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,020
I'll help you out
on this side.
284
00:13:13,030 --> 00:13:14,530
Ugh! Great.
285
00:13:14,530 --> 00:13:17,030
Now I don't have room
to open this door either.
286
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,530
Hey, get back here.
Move your van.
287
00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:21,030
Hey, hey, hey,
Scarpacci.
288
00:13:21,030 --> 00:13:23,540
Back the car up
and let's drop the twig off
289
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:24,540
and get the hell
outta here.
290
00:13:25,540 --> 00:13:27,040
( engine faltering )
291
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:33,050
The battery seems to be dead.
292
00:13:33,050 --> 00:13:35,050
Try it again,
Antonio.
293
00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:36,550
( engine faltering )
294
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:40,550
Ugh, I don't believe this.
Well, open up a window.
295
00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:42,560
W-we'll climb out and push
our way forward.
296
00:13:44,060 --> 00:13:47,060
The windows are electric.
They aren't working.
297
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,560
Well, why won't
the windows open?
298
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:53,070
Get the hair out of your ears.
The battery is dead.
299
00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:56,070
Oh, I can't believe this.
300
00:13:56,070 --> 00:13:58,570
We are stuck in the middle
of a parking lot.
301
00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:00,570
Ah, take it easy,
big fella.
302
00:14:00,570 --> 00:14:03,580
All we gotta do
is spark up an acetylene torch,
303
00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:06,080
cut a hole in the roof
right about there.
304
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,580
Do you have
an acetylene torch?
305
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:13,590
Almost a perfect plan.
306
00:14:13,590 --> 00:14:15,590
Well, let's make the best of it.
307
00:14:15,590 --> 00:14:18,590
Ninety-nine bottles of beer
On the wall
308
00:14:18,590 --> 00:14:19,590
Come on, everybody.
309
00:14:19,590 --> 00:14:23,100
Ninety-nine
Bottles of beer
310
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,100
Ninety-nine bottles of beer
On the wall
311
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,600
Ninety-nine bottles
Of beer...
312
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:36,110
( upbeat piano theme playing )
313
00:14:36,110 --> 00:14:38,110
Come on.
Just one date.
314
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:40,110
I'll make it
worth your while.
315
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:42,120
What do you want,
a TV?
316
00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:46,620
You are offering me a television
to go out with you?
317
00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:51,120
Play your cards right
and I'll throw in a VCR.
318
00:14:52,130 --> 00:14:54,630
Joe,
what do I do here?
319
00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:56,630
Hold out for a big-screen.
320
00:14:56,630 --> 00:14:59,130
BRIAN:
I'm-- I'm-- I'm-- I'm--
I'm getting really worried now.
321
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:01,130
Something must have happened
to Antonio.
322
00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:03,140
Alex should have been home
a long time ago.
323
00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:05,640
And I just got off the phone
with the banquet hall,
324
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,140
and they haven't seen
Carlton either.
325
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,640
So, what do you think happened
to the cab?
326
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,140
I mean,
I'm getting worried here.
327
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:11,650
Relax. I'm sure they're fine.
328
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,650
That's right, let's not
jump to conclusions.
329
00:15:13,650 --> 00:15:15,650
I'm sure they're plenty
of good reasons
330
00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,650
why Alex
is two hours late
331
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:21,150
and Carlton is missing the most
important night of his life.
332
00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:23,160
Fine, name one.
333
00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:25,160
Ummm...
334
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,660
they stopped off
for a pizza?
335
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,670
Name another.
336
00:15:31,660 --> 00:15:35,670
Ummm...they skidded on the ice
and fell off a cliff.
337
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,170
Don't tease me,
lady.
338
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:45,680
Of course,
that would be a tragedy.
339
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,680
( scoffs )
340
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,180
Lewis, why don't you just
chuck him in a hole
341
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:50,680
and throw some dirt
on him?
342
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:54,190
Look, I kid and I joke.
343
00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:58,190
But deep down inside,
I love him like a father.
344
00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:02,700
Who, when he croaked,
only left me with a '78 LeSabre.
345
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,700
Uh, I-I think we should
go and look for 'em.
346
00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:06,700
Hey, Brian, you're forgetting
our cars aren't here.
347
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:07,700
They're in the lot.
348
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,700
Well, we'll just use
the snowplow on the runway.
349
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,200
Oh! I'll go.
Good idea.
350
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,210
Now, hold on,
hold on, hold on.
351
00:16:13,210 --> 00:16:15,210
I hate
to break this to you,
352
00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:17,710
but one of you has to stay here
in case Antonio calls.
353
00:16:21,210 --> 00:16:23,220
Look, Fay,
there's Hugh Downs.
354
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,220
You know what?
355
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:29,720
You oughta go too.
356
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,220
Helen's just playing
hard to get.
357
00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:33,730
She told me
she really likes you.
358
00:16:33,730 --> 00:16:35,230
Thanks.
359
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,230
That'll teach her.
360
00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:40,230
( upbeat piano theme playing )
361
00:16:40,230 --> 00:16:43,740
CARLTON:
If that bottle
Should happen to fall
362
00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:47,740
There'd be no more
Bottles of beer
363
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:51,740
On the walllll
364
00:16:53,250 --> 00:16:55,250
One more time.
365
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,250
Ninety-nine--
Shut up!
366
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:02,260
You know, it does bring up
an interesting question though.
367
00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:04,260
If the bottles keep
falling off of the wall,
368
00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:07,260
why don't they just
put 'em someplace else?
369
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,760
God,
it's contagious.
370
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,260
( upbeat theme playing )
371
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,270
Now, just keep
your eyes open.
372
00:17:13,270 --> 00:17:14,770
They gotta be out here
somewhere.
373
00:17:14,770 --> 00:17:17,270
Maybe they skidded off the road
into a ditch.
374
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,270
Or into the ocean.
375
00:17:21,270 --> 00:17:23,280
God forbid.
376
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,280
You know, Helen,
377
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:30,780
give me one reason
why you won't go out with me.
378
00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:32,790
I'll give you two.
379
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:35,290
Uh, you're extremely
unattractive,
380
00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:39,290
and when you talk,
spit flies out of your mouth.
381
00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:42,800
Well, I see I'm not
getting anywhere with you.
382
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,800
But, Joe,
I couldn't help but notice
383
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,800
you happen to be
a very handsome man.
384
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,810
Huh?
385
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,310
Easy, Joe.
386
00:17:53,310 --> 00:17:56,310
Might be a stereo in it
for you.
387
00:17:56,310 --> 00:17:59,310
All I'm saying is, a couple
of good-looking guys like us
388
00:17:59,310 --> 00:18:02,320
could hit the bars and do
very well with the ladies.
389
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,820
Lewis, I would not
be caught dead in public
390
00:18:04,820 --> 00:18:06,820
with a worm like you,
no offense.
391
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:09,320
None taken.
392
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:14,330
Hey, there's Benson's Curve,
everyone hold tight.
393
00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:17,330
Woo! Opportunity Corner.
394
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:21,830
ANTONIO:
Did you find the problem?
395
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,340
Yep.
396
00:18:25,340 --> 00:18:26,840
Right here.
397
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,340
Okay. Now, then.
398
00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:31,340
All I have to do
is connect...
399
00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:33,850
these two wires,
and the windows should open.
400
00:18:33,850 --> 00:18:36,850
Forget the windows,
fix the heater. We're freezing.
401
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:39,850
Well, maybe we should
huddle together for warmth.
402
00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:44,860
Maybe we should build a fire
and use you for kindling.
403
00:18:44,860 --> 00:18:47,860
Ooh, I hope we
get out of here alive.
404
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:50,360
I've always wanted
to live long enough
405
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,370
to hear that guy
on The Today Show
406
00:18:53,370 --> 00:18:56,370
wish me a happy birthday.
407
00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:57,870
What's his name?
408
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,870
No, no, no, no.
Nobody say a word.
409
00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:03,880
I'm not getting
sucked into this again.
410
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,380
You know, the weatherman.
411
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:10,880
I think it starts
with a W.
412
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,390
The one
with the toupee.
413
00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:16,890
Oh, God, forgive me.
414
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,390
Willard Scott.
415
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:20,890
No. No.
416
00:19:20,890 --> 00:19:24,400
It's the big guy.
( groaning )
417
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,400
( chuckles )
418
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,400
( car starts )
419
00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:33,910
( horn honks )
Finally.
420
00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:36,410
Where's the handle
on this thing?
421
00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:37,910
HELEN:
Hey, you guys okay?
422
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,410
ROY:
Finally.
423
00:19:39,410 --> 00:19:40,910
Hey, where the hell
have you guys been?
424
00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:43,420
We've been looking all over
for you.
You all right? Good.
425
00:19:43,420 --> 00:19:44,920
LEWIS:
Uncle Carlton.
426
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,920
Uncle Carlton!
Are you all right?!
427
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,420
Uncle Carlton,
are you all right?
428
00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:53,430
Oh, my God.
429
00:19:55,430 --> 00:19:56,930
Uncle Carlton.
430
00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:59,430
( yells )
( screams )
431
00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:00,930
Gotcha.
432
00:20:00,930 --> 00:20:02,440
( chuckles )
433
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:06,440
( upbeat piano theme playing )
434
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,940
Bye,
everybody.
435
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:13,450
Oh, and bye, Helen.
I'll call you.
436
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:19,950
Look, you didn't have to make
a special flight just for me.
437
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,450
Oh, believe me, it's our
pleasure.
438
00:20:21,450 --> 00:20:23,460
Just remember to count three
and pull the ripcord.
439
00:20:23,460 --> 00:20:24,960
LOUIS:
Huh?
440
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,960
I wanna
thank you
441
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,960
for driving me around
all week.
442
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,470
Yeah, yeah. You're welcome.
No, no, no. No, no.
443
00:20:34,470 --> 00:20:37,470
What--? What are you doing?
Why aren't you leaving?
444
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,970
Well, I was just thinking,
445
00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:42,980
this could be the beginning
446
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:45,480
of a beautiful friendship.
447
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:46,480
( sighs )
448
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:50,480
"The beginning
of a beautiful friendship."
449
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:55,490
I-i-isn't that th-the last line
of a famous movie, uh...
450
00:20:55,490 --> 00:20:58,490
What was the name of it?
Does anybody know?
451
00:20:58,490 --> 00:21:00,490
Casablanca.
452
00:21:00,490 --> 00:21:03,000
No, that wasn't it,
was it, Roy?
453
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,000
Uh, no.
No, no, no. It's, uh--
454
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,500
It was the one with Bogie.
Casablanca.
455
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:09,500
No.
No.
456
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:12,510
Fay, a little help here.
Oh, uh, yeah.
457
00:21:12,510 --> 00:21:15,010
Uh... Yeah, it was the one
with Ingrid Bergman in it.
458
00:21:15,010 --> 00:21:16,010
Casablanca.
459
00:21:16,010 --> 00:21:19,010
FAY: No.
ALEX: No, I know this one.
460
00:21:19,010 --> 00:21:21,510
Uh, I think it took place
during World War II.
461
00:21:21,510 --> 00:21:24,020
Casablanca.
No.
462
00:21:24,020 --> 00:21:26,020
I-I think it was the one
that has the song
463
00:21:26,020 --> 00:21:27,520
"As Time Goes By."
464
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,520
Casablanca.
465
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,520
Casablanca.
Casablanca.
466
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,030
I'm getting outta here.
467
00:21:34,030 --> 00:21:36,530
You people
are driving me crazy.
468
00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:40,530
( all laugh )
469
00:21:40,530 --> 00:21:43,540
What the hell
was the name of that movie?
470
00:21:43,540 --> 00:21:46,040
( upbeat theme playing )
471
00:21:51,310 --> 00:22:03,060
( upbeat piano theme playing )
33360
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