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1
00:00:02,390 --> 00:00:05,890
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:10,890 --> 00:00:12,400
( clears throat )
3
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:15,400
Oh. Heh-heh-heh!
Uh, welcome to Sandpiper.
4
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,400
And where are you off to
this fine day?
5
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:18,400
Boston.
6
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,400
Although,
I wish I wasn't. Heh!
7
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,410
I'm going
to see my mother.
8
00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:24,410
Sounds like you two
don't get along.
9
00:00:24,410 --> 00:00:26,910
We just have this one
little problem.
10
00:00:26,910 --> 00:00:28,410
I think I'm 40.
11
00:00:28,410 --> 00:00:31,920
Mom thinks I'm 12.
12
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,920
Um, you know,
I was just reading something
13
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,920
in my Psychology book
that might be of help to you.
14
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,920
Eh, you see, um,
it's possible
15
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,430
that your mother has trouble
defining herself
16
00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:43,930
as anything other
than your parent.
17
00:00:43,930 --> 00:00:45,430
If she allows you
to grow up,
18
00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:48,430
then she has to admit that
she's getting older herself.
19
00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:49,930
And that isn't always easy.
20
00:00:49,930 --> 00:00:53,440
Can you imagine the pain
the poor woman must be feeling?
21
00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:56,440
( sobbing )
Oh!
22
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,440
Oh, now, now. Oh, no.
23
00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:02,450
Now, you just let it all out.
Oh.
24
00:01:02,450 --> 00:01:06,950
I never really looked at it
from Mom's point of view.
25
00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:08,950
Thank you so much.
26
00:01:09,950 --> 00:01:11,460
Are you gonna be here
on Monday?
27
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:12,960
When I come back?
28
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,960
Well, let's see.
29
00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:20,970
Uh, I do have an hour open
around 2.
30
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,970
Great.
31
00:01:22,970 --> 00:01:24,470
I'll see you then.
32
00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:28,470
( upbeat piano theme playing )
33
00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:34,980
Alex, Davis is gonna be here
any second. What about my hair?
34
00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:36,980
Should I wear it, like, up
with just a few...?
35
00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:37,980
Or just down?
36
00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:39,480
I think it looks great
either way.
37
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,490
If I may
cast a vote,
38
00:01:41,490 --> 00:01:42,990
I like it up or down.
39
00:01:42,990 --> 00:01:46,490
Just...not in my soup.
40
00:01:47,490 --> 00:01:49,990
Antonio, I'm-- I'm really sorry.
41
00:01:49,990 --> 00:01:51,500
Um, I'll tell you what.
No charge.
42
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,000
No kidding.
43
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,500
What time is it?
What time is it?
44
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:59,000
Relax. I'm sure he'll be here.
Oh, I know he will.
45
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,510
Just because he didn't show up
the last few times,
46
00:02:01,510 --> 00:02:04,010
I know for a fact he's
definitely gonna be here today.
47
00:02:04,010 --> 00:02:06,510
( sarcastically ):
Yeah, sure he will.
48
00:02:06,510 --> 00:02:08,510
You know, I'm really sick of you
doing that.
49
00:02:08,510 --> 00:02:11,020
'Cause if I say he's gonna be
here, he's gonna be here.
50
00:02:11,010 --> 00:02:13,520
As a matter of fact,
he left Paris on schedule,
51
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,020
landed in New York,
caught a shuttle to Boston
52
00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:17,520
and is on Roy's next flight.
53
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,020
Which means he's gonna walk
through those doors
54
00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:20,520
in three and a half
minutes.
55
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,030
( sarcastically ):
Yeah, sure he will.
56
00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:26,030
Hey, Fay.
57
00:02:26,030 --> 00:02:28,030
Uh, Joe said one of these lights
was on the fritz.
58
00:02:28,030 --> 00:02:30,530
Oh, that one
in the corner, Lowell.
59
00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:33,540
Fay, what is this?
60
00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:35,040
Oh, that's my rat.
61
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,040
I kidnapped her
from the Psychology lab.
62
00:02:39,540 --> 00:02:41,550
Okay.
63
00:02:41,550 --> 00:02:44,550
Get away clean now, or--?
Oh, what the hell? Go ahead.
64
00:02:44,550 --> 00:02:47,050
Well, my instructor promised
that she would only be used
65
00:02:47,050 --> 00:02:49,050
for a few harmless experiments.
66
00:02:49,050 --> 00:02:50,550
But he lied.
67
00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:52,560
Ah, they always lie.
68
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,060
First they suck you in
with the free milk and cookies.
69
00:02:56,060 --> 00:02:59,560
Next thing you know, you're
running naked through a maze.
70
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:03,570
Well, Fay,
it is not staying in my office.
71
00:03:03,570 --> 00:03:04,570
These things
are gross.
72
00:03:04,570 --> 00:03:06,070
A rat.
73
00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:09,070
What do the people
in coach get?
74
00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:11,070
Oh, no, listen,
please, Joe.
75
00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:12,580
If I take her
back to school,
76
00:03:12,580 --> 00:03:13,580
they're going
to hurt her.
77
00:03:13,580 --> 00:03:15,080
And I-- I've grown
attached to her.
78
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,080
She's become almost
like my colleague.
79
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,580
And you don't wanna
see harm come to a colleague.
80
00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:22,590
Generally
speaking.
81
00:03:22,590 --> 00:03:25,090
Besides, how many times
do we have to prove
82
00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:28,090
that when an animal receives
a shock for doing something
83
00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:30,090
it learns
not to do it again?
84
00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:33,600
( electricity zapping )
( groans )
85
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,100
One more time.
86
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:37,100
( electricity zapping )
( groans )
87
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,100
One more time.
88
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,100
( electricity zapping )
( groans )
89
00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:43,110
Eh, you see, Joe?
90
00:03:43,110 --> 00:03:44,610
That could be
happening to her.
91
00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:46,610
Oh, please let me
keep her here.
92
00:03:46,610 --> 00:03:49,610
All right, all right. But just
don't let the passengers see it.
93
00:03:49,610 --> 00:03:51,120
Oh, look at her.
She's sweet.
94
00:03:51,110 --> 00:03:53,120
Oh, oh,
she's licking my finger.
95
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,620
I think she likes me.
96
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:57,620
Maybe it's just how rats
show professional courtesy.
97
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,620
You can tease me
all you want,
98
00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:02,130
but I called
the hotel
99
00:04:02,130 --> 00:04:03,630
and Davis confirmed
his reservation.
100
00:04:03,630 --> 00:04:05,130
He'll be here.
101
00:04:05,130 --> 00:04:07,130
( sarcastically ):
Yeah, sure he will.
102
00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:10,130
( gasps lightly )
Davis.
103
00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:13,640
"Yeah, sure he will."
104
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,640
Helen!
( laughing )
105
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,140
Wait a second.
106
00:04:17,140 --> 00:04:19,140
Didn't you used to be
a redhead?
107
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,650
Wow, you've put on
a lot of weight.
108
00:04:22,650 --> 00:04:24,650
And I thought
you were taller.
109
00:04:24,650 --> 00:04:27,150
You know, I-I-- I remember you
being a much better dresser.
110
00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:28,650
Gee, I'm not
attracted to you at all.
111
00:04:28,650 --> 00:04:30,150
Me neither.
What were we thinking?
112
00:04:30,150 --> 00:04:31,660
Beats me.
113
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,160
Oh, what is that?
Witty banter?
114
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,670
Pfft! Helen's not witty,
what the hell's he done to her?
115
00:04:41,670 --> 00:04:43,670
So look who I found.
116
00:04:43,670 --> 00:04:45,670
Hi.
DAVIS: Hi. Heh-heh!
117
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:46,670
So, what do you
wanna do?
118
00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:49,170
First off, I'm gonna
take you out to lunch.
119
00:04:49,170 --> 00:04:51,680
As a matter of fact,
why don't I take everybody?
120
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,180
It'll give us a chance
to get to know each other.
121
00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:55,180
Great idea.
I'm in.
122
00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:57,680
Uh, I'll pass.
Look, Joe,
123
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,180
I know I'm not exactly
your favorite person.
124
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,690
No, I never said that.
125
00:05:01,690 --> 00:05:03,190
Boy, I would have.
126
00:05:03,190 --> 00:05:04,690
I didn't invest
in your business,
127
00:05:04,690 --> 00:05:05,690
I'm dating
your old girlfriend.
128
00:05:05,690 --> 00:05:07,690
I'd hate my guts.
129
00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:10,690
Well, maybe we do have
something in common.
130
00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:13,200
Come on, Joe.
Be nice to him.
131
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,200
You know how long it took for
Helen to find a new boyfriend.
132
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,210
Come on, Joe, please.
I want you two to be friends.
133
00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:24,210
All right, okay,
134
00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:25,710
but, uh, you don't
have to buy me lunch.
135
00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:27,210
I'll buy you lunch.
136
00:05:27,210 --> 00:05:30,210
Uh, as a matter of fact,
I'll buy everybody lunch.
137
00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:31,210
Terrific.
138
00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:33,220
Say, Helen, do you mind
if we stop off at the hotel?
139
00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:34,720
I wanna dump my bags.
140
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,220
Sure.
I'll meet you out there.
141
00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,720
All right.
Hey, listen, uh,
142
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,220
I-I know you
wanted to buy us lunch,
143
00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:40,720
and Joe
stole your thunder.
144
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,730
But, uh, if it'll
make you feel any better,
145
00:05:42,730 --> 00:05:44,730
I'd be willing to take
the cash equivalent.
146
00:05:46,230 --> 00:05:48,230
Joe, that was
very generous of you.
147
00:05:48,230 --> 00:05:50,730
And I know it wasn't easy.
Thank you very much.
148
00:05:50,730 --> 00:05:51,740
It's harder
than you think.
149
00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:53,740
How much you need?
Fifty oughta do it.
150
00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:57,740
( upbeat piano theme playing )
151
00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:07,750
So you don't mind if I jump
in the shower real quick?
152
00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:08,750
I just need
to wake up.
153
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:11,260
Okay, sure, no problem.
Great.
154
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,760
Heh! Can you believe
how transparent that guy is?
155
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,260
HELEN:
Ugh! Joe.
156
00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:19,260
No, hey, I came up here
with a good attitude.
157
00:06:19,260 --> 00:06:21,770
But come on, the only reason
he brought us here
158
00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:23,770
is to show off
his fancy hotel room.
159
00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:25,770
Oh, please.
Well, what does he need it for?
160
00:06:25,770 --> 00:06:27,270
He's here for one night.
All he needs
161
00:06:27,270 --> 00:06:29,770
is a bed, a blanket
and a toilet.
162
00:06:29,770 --> 00:06:32,780
He's not doing time, Joe.
163
00:06:32,780 --> 00:06:34,780
I mean, really, does he think
anyone's gonna be impressed
164
00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:36,280
by all this?
( door opens )
165
00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:39,280
Wow, would you look
at this place?
166
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,280
Woo!
167
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:42,790
It's gorgeous.
Man, tell me.
168
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:44,790
Look at this.
Fireplace, antiques,
169
00:06:44,790 --> 00:06:47,290
great view, eh--
Whoa! Hello.
170
00:06:47,290 --> 00:06:50,290
The honor bar.
171
00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:53,300
Ho-ho! Oh, baby.
I-I-- I love this.
172
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:56,800
Seventeen-fifty
for macadamia nuts.
173
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,800
Now, that's obscene.
What kind of sucker
174
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,300
would pay that kind of money
for junk food?
175
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:03,310
DAVIS:
Help yourself to anything
you want out there!
176
00:07:03,310 --> 00:07:04,810
Yo, Brian,
toss me those nuts.
177
00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:07,810
Wow,
feel this leather.
178
00:07:07,810 --> 00:07:09,810
This thing must have
cost a fortune.
179
00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:11,820
You know, you can tell
an awful lot about a person
180
00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:13,320
from what's
in their suitcase.
181
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:14,320
Hey, Brian, don't.
182
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:15,820
Oh, come on, Helen.
Here, look at this.
183
00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:17,820
Check this out.
Cashmere sweaters.
184
00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:19,320
Means he's got money.
185
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,320
Armani ties.
He's got taste.
186
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:22,330
Tell you what else
he's got.
187
00:07:22,330 --> 00:07:26,330
Way too much time
on his hands.
188
00:07:26,330 --> 00:07:28,330
Put that back. Just--
Oh, come on. Hey, Joey, Joey.
189
00:07:28,330 --> 00:07:29,830
Check this stuff out. Lookit.
JOE: Not now.
190
00:07:29,830 --> 00:07:31,340
I got a thirst
than can only be quenched
191
00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:34,840
by an $8 can
of orange juice.
192
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,840
Step aside, I wanna see what
other toys he brought with him.
193
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,840
Brian, this is private.
Now, stop it.
194
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:40,840
Come on, Helen.
195
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,350
It's like going
to somebody's apartment
196
00:07:42,350 --> 00:07:44,850
and peeking in the medicine
cabinet. Everybody does it.
197
00:07:44,850 --> 00:07:47,350
Eh, you looked
in my medicine cabinet?
198
00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:50,350
Yes. And you have
some lip gloss to explain.
199
00:07:50,350 --> 00:07:52,360
Come on, Helen, aren't you
at least a bit curious?
200
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,860
No, not at all.
Oh, of course you are.
201
00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:55,860
Listen,
we can hear the shower.
202
00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:57,860
When it cuts off, we'll give you
the eye sign.
203
00:07:57,860 --> 00:07:59,360
Cover me,
I'm going in.
204
00:08:01,870 --> 00:08:04,370
There's really not
anything special in here.
205
00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:07,870
Just shirts
and sweaters and shoe--
206
00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:12,880
Ooh. He brought me
a present. Hee-hee!
207
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,880
Helen,
you shouldn't open that.
208
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,380
Yes,
I'm gonna open it.
209
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:17,880
That way I know how to
reciprocate, you know?
210
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,380
Cover my butt.
211
00:08:23,390 --> 00:08:25,890
Well, that's really
not gonna do it.
212
00:08:25,890 --> 00:08:28,890
( upbeat piano theme playing )
213
00:08:30,890 --> 00:08:34,900
( upbeat piano theme playing )
214
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:37,400
Oh, God,
I hope this is not for me.
215
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,400
Maybe he bought it
for another woman. Bastard.
216
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,910
Or maybe it's for him,
the bitch.
217
00:08:47,910 --> 00:08:49,910
Come on,
he came here to see you.
218
00:08:49,910 --> 00:08:50,910
This was
in his suitcase.
219
00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:52,920
And who else could it be for?
220
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,420
Maybe there's something else
that goes with it.
221
00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:57,420
I believe you're supposed
to have what goes with it.
222
00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:58,920
( water stops running )
223
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,420
Shhh.
224
00:09:00,420 --> 00:09:01,930
He turned the shower off.
225
00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:03,430
Get it in there.
226
00:09:03,430 --> 00:09:06,430
I think this tissue was more...
No, the label was on top.
227
00:09:06,430 --> 00:09:07,930
( indistinct arguing )
228
00:09:14,940 --> 00:09:17,440
Uh-oh.
229
00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:21,450
( blow dryer humming )
He's drying his hair. Quick.
230
00:09:31,450 --> 00:09:32,960
Wasn't that suitcase open?
231
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,460
Ahhh.
Sorry I took so long.
232
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:41,460
Hope you found something
to keep you busy.
233
00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:43,470
We didn't find anything.
We were just sitting here.
234
00:09:43,470 --> 00:09:45,970
We barely moved.
235
00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:49,470
Well, somebody sure got
into something over here.
236
00:09:49,470 --> 00:09:50,970
Brian,
I told you not to--
237
00:09:50,970 --> 00:09:52,980
Me? It was Joe. He made her,
and you-- You--
238
00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:54,980
( indistinct shouting )
Hey, hey, hey!
239
00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:56,480
You don't have to apologize.
240
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,480
It's just
a jar of nuts.
241
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,480
And a can
of orange juice.
242
00:10:02,990 --> 00:10:05,990
Good thing the bed
was bolted down.
243
00:10:05,990 --> 00:10:08,490
Oh, by the way,
Helen, um, I made reservations,
244
00:10:08,490 --> 00:10:09,990
but I thought maybe it'd be
a bit more romantic
245
00:10:09,990 --> 00:10:12,500
if we just had dinner
right here in the room tonight.
246
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,000
If that's okay.
247
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,000
Yeah,
that'd be fine.
248
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,000
Great.
249
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,000
( door closes )
250
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,500
Dinner in a room,
251
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:21,500
flimsy little teddy.
252
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:25,010
Your salad's gonna be wearing
more dressing than you are.
253
00:10:25,010 --> 00:10:29,010
( upbeat piano theme playing )
254
00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:33,020
Go on,
say hello, Antonio.
255
00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:37,020
Go on, Cupcake,
say hello.
256
00:10:37,020 --> 00:10:40,020
Ah, I think you're putting
too much pressure on her.
257
00:10:40,020 --> 00:10:43,530
Oh, give me a break.
I know she can't talk.
258
00:10:43,530 --> 00:10:46,530
No, your beefy mitts are
squeezing the life out of her.
259
00:10:48,030 --> 00:10:49,530
Oh, don't you worry.
260
00:10:49,530 --> 00:10:52,040
I'd never let anything happen
to my furry little Cupcake.
261
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,040
Yes. Ho-ho-ho!
262
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,540
I'm looking
for Fay Cochran.
263
00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:59,540
I'm Professor Lawson,
her Psychology instructor.
264
00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:00,540
Wait a second.
265
00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:04,050
Aren't you the guy that made me
run naked through a maze?
266
00:11:04,050 --> 00:11:06,050
Don't know what you're
talking about--
267
00:11:06,050 --> 00:11:07,550
I'm not gonna tell you
where Fay is.
268
00:11:07,550 --> 00:11:09,550
She happens to be one
of my dearest friends.
269
00:11:09,550 --> 00:11:12,560
If you're here to give that
lovely, caring woman problems,
270
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,060
you're gonna have to
go through me.
271
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,560
Ms. Cochran has stolen
university property.
272
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,060
Now, if you don't tell me where
she is,
273
00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:20,060
I'll have you arrested
as well.
274
00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:22,570
Fay? Company.
275
00:11:24,570 --> 00:11:26,570
Oh, uh,
Professor Lawson.
276
00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:28,570
Are you flying
with us today?
277
00:11:28,570 --> 00:11:31,070
Ms. Cochran,
you know why I'm here.
278
00:11:31,070 --> 00:11:34,580
As I said on the phone, if you
don't hand over the animal,
279
00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:36,580
I'm going to have to call
the police.
280
00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:38,580
No.
Miss Cochran.
281
00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:41,580
Well, how would you like it
if somebody stuck you in a cage
282
00:11:41,580 --> 00:11:44,590
and-- And gave you a shock every
time you made a wrong decision,
283
00:11:44,590 --> 00:11:47,090
like...
buying that jacket?
284
00:11:48,590 --> 00:11:52,100
I-- I'm sorry,
but I refuse to give her back.
285
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,600
And you won't
change your mind.
286
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,100
No, I won't.
287
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,600
Well, then I have
only one thing to say.
288
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,600
Congratulations.
289
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,610
What?
290
00:12:02,610 --> 00:12:04,610
Ms. Cochran, this whole thing
has been an experiment
291
00:12:04,610 --> 00:12:06,110
in human behavior.
292
00:12:06,110 --> 00:12:08,110
When I told the class
the rats might be harmed,
293
00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:10,110
you were the only one
who took action.
294
00:12:10,110 --> 00:12:12,120
Really?
Yes.
295
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,120
You're obviously
a very kindhearted,
296
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,120
highly-principled,
compassionate woman.
297
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,120
Well,
thank you very much.
298
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,630
I mean, I-- I've often
been described
299
00:12:22,630 --> 00:12:26,130
as a little ray of sunshine.
300
00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:30,130
Uh, so you're not going
to fry the little rodent?
301
00:12:30,130 --> 00:12:31,130
Of course not.
302
00:12:31,130 --> 00:12:33,640
She's a very valuable animal.
303
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,140
And brilliant too.
304
00:12:35,140 --> 00:12:37,640
Did you know she can pick out
"The Itsy-Bitsy Spider"
305
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,140
on a touch-tone phone?
306
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,650
Oh, eh, just one second.
Roy.
307
00:12:42,650 --> 00:12:45,650
Good news. Your little Cupcake's
not in danger anymore.
308
00:12:45,650 --> 00:12:48,150
So you can give her back
to Professor Lawson.
309
00:12:48,150 --> 00:12:49,650
Uh, it's too late.
310
00:12:49,650 --> 00:12:51,150
I-- I heard him nosing around
out here,
311
00:12:51,150 --> 00:12:52,660
so I took her out
to the parking lot
312
00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:54,160
and I let her go.
313
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,660
You what?
314
00:12:55,660 --> 00:12:58,160
She was born free,
and she'll live free.
315
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:02,170
She wasn't born free.
She was born in a lab.
316
00:13:02,170 --> 00:13:03,670
Without that animal,
two years of research
317
00:13:03,670 --> 00:13:05,170
goes down the drain.
318
00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:09,170
This will hardly help
your grade, Miss Cochran.
319
00:13:09,170 --> 00:13:12,680
Oh, oh, then
thanks a lot, Roy.
320
00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:20,180
( "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" playing
on touch-tone phone )
321
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:22,190
( chuckles )
322
00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:26,190
Oh, Cupcake,
that's beautiful.
323
00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:28,690
I can't believe he'd
give me a gift like that.
324
00:13:28,690 --> 00:13:30,690
It's completely
inappropriate.
325
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:32,700
ALEX:
I know exactly
what Helen means.
326
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:33,700
It's too early in their
relationship
327
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:36,200
for him to give her
such an intimate gift.
328
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,700
You,
on the other hand,
329
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:39,200
are way overdue.
330
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,710
That's right.
When you're dating someone,
331
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:43,710
there's a specific order
to gift-giving.
332
00:13:43,710 --> 00:13:45,710
First date: flowers.
Right?
333
00:13:45,710 --> 00:13:49,210
Second date: stuffed animal.
No bigger than this.
334
00:13:49,210 --> 00:13:52,220
Fourth date:
little more personal.
335
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:54,220
Keychain, perhaps.
336
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:56,720
Sixth date. All right, you're
getting to know each other.
337
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,220
Now you can get
a little more intimate.
338
00:13:58,220 --> 00:14:00,720
Gloves.
339
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,730
She's not serious.
Oh, yes she is.
340
00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:05,230
When we were dating, I screwed
up someplace around keychain,
341
00:14:05,230 --> 00:14:08,730
I had to go all the way
back to flowers.
342
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:10,230
Why don't you just
put out a brochure:
343
00:14:10,230 --> 00:14:11,740
The Do's and Don'ts
of Dating Helen ?
344
00:14:11,730 --> 00:14:14,740
Oh, that's easy:
Don't.
345
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,240
What are we
talking about?
346
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,740
How Helen's a little upset
because Lynch bought her
347
00:14:20,740 --> 00:14:22,750
this flimsy
black lace teddy.
348
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,250
I'm not gonna
sleep in it.
349
00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:26,750
You're not supposed
to sleep in it.
350
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,750
You put it on, do a half gainer
off the headboard,
351
00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:31,250
throw it in the corner
till morning.
352
00:14:34,260 --> 00:14:37,260
I've, uh-- I've never
really gotten excited
353
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:41,260
from wearing
women's lingerie.
354
00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:43,770
Wait a second,
Antonio. I think, heh--
355
00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:46,270
I think you got caught
in one of those language things.
356
00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:47,270
Eh, what you meant to say
357
00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:49,270
is that you never really
got excited
358
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:52,280
seeing women
wear lingerie.
359
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:55,780
Oh, yes, of course.
360
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,280
HELEN:
Anyway,
the point is,
361
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,790
Davis should not be thinking
about my lingerie yet.
362
00:15:02,790 --> 00:15:04,290
Wait a second.
But he's a guy.
363
00:15:04,290 --> 00:15:05,790
Two minutes
after he met you
364
00:15:05,790 --> 00:15:07,290
he was probably
picturing you naked.
365
00:15:07,290 --> 00:15:08,790
That's what guys do.
366
00:15:08,790 --> 00:15:10,790
I know that.
Girls do the same thing.
367
00:15:10,790 --> 00:15:12,800
It's just that I feel
really stupid.
368
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,800
I thought our relationship
was special.
369
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,300
I thought we were growing
into something meaningful.
370
00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:20,300
But all that teddy means
is he wants to get me into bed.
371
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:21,810
So, what
are you gonna do?
372
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,810
Well, I have no choice.
All I can do
373
00:15:23,810 --> 00:15:25,310
is throw it in his face
and break up with him.
374
00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:27,310
Don't you think
that's a little drastic?
375
00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:29,310
He hasn't even
given it to you yet.
376
00:15:29,310 --> 00:15:30,810
Exactly. I mean,
what are you gonna tell him?
377
00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:32,320
"Now, I was snooping through
your luggage,
378
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,320
"and I saw a present that
didn't have my name on it,
379
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:35,820
so I opened it up"?
380
00:15:35,820 --> 00:15:37,820
Good point.
381
00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:38,820
All right.
382
00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:40,320
I'll go to dinner
with him,
383
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,330
wait till the little pig boy
makes his move,
384
00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:45,830
then I'll throw it in his face
and break up with him.
385
00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:48,330
Sounds like
an evening.
386
00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:49,830
( upbeat theme playing )
387
00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:55,840
( upbeat piano theme playing )
388
00:15:59,340 --> 00:16:00,840
DAVIS:
More champagne?
389
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,850
Oh, no,
thank you.
390
00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:03,850
Okay.
391
00:16:05,850 --> 00:16:09,850
Well, this sure beats some
crowded, stuffy restaurant, huh?
392
00:16:09,850 --> 00:16:13,360
Yes, it's quite lovely.
Thank you.
393
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,860
Hm.
394
00:16:14,860 --> 00:16:17,360
Helen, is--?
Is something wrong?
395
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,360
You've seemed a bit...
uh...uh...
396
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,370
Oh, what's the word
I'm looking for?
397
00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:24,370
Icy?
398
00:16:24,370 --> 00:16:27,370
Have I?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
399
00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:29,370
I know what's wrong.
400
00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:31,370
You think I went
all the way to Paris
401
00:16:31,370 --> 00:16:33,880
and didn't bring back
a gift for you.
402
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,380
No, actually, I'd be
real surprised if you didn't.
403
00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:37,380
( chuckles )
404
00:16:37,380 --> 00:16:39,380
Well,
you don't have to worry.
405
00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:41,380
Now, this is just
a little something.
406
00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:42,890
Trust me,
it's not much.
407
00:16:42,890 --> 00:16:44,890
Ain't that the truth.
408
00:16:45,890 --> 00:16:47,390
I hope
I chose correctly.
409
00:16:47,390 --> 00:16:49,890
You're not the easiest person
in the world to shop for.
410
00:16:49,890 --> 00:16:51,390
See,
that's where you're wrong.
411
00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:52,900
I'm very easy to shop for.
412
00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:55,400
I mean, a little stuffed animal
would have been perfect.
413
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,400
No bigger than this.
414
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,900
Well, I'll-- I'll
remember that for next time.
415
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:02,410
I hope you like it.
416
00:17:02,410 --> 00:17:03,910
Oh, just give it to me.
417
00:17:06,410 --> 00:17:09,410
Now, if you don't like it,
promise me you'll tell me.
418
00:17:09,410 --> 00:17:11,410
Oh, I'll promise.
419
00:17:11,410 --> 00:17:14,420
You know, I really wish
you hadn't done this, Davis.
420
00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:16,920
I mean, it really
is uncomfortable for me
421
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,420
to know that you think
I'm the kind of person
422
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:20,920
that you can give a gift
like...
423
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,430
soap.
424
00:17:22,430 --> 00:17:24,930
They're hand-carved in the shape
of little instruments.
425
00:17:24,930 --> 00:17:26,930
The moment I saw it,
I thought of you.
426
00:17:28,430 --> 00:17:29,930
Soap?
427
00:17:31,930 --> 00:17:33,440
Soap.
428
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:34,940
He got me soap.
429
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:37,940
You know, I waited
all evening for him
430
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:40,940
to spring that teddy on me
and he never did.
431
00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:43,450
Damn him,
he was a perfect gentleman.
432
00:17:43,950 --> 00:17:45,450
You know, Helen,
433
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:47,950
French soap
is not such a bad gift.
434
00:17:47,950 --> 00:17:49,450
Yeah, maybe for Christmas he'll
give you
435
00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:51,960
a bottle of mouthwash
and a stick of deodorant.
436
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,460
Wait, wait, wait.
437
00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:55,960
I don't understand.
438
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,960
Uh, you're mad because he gave
you a gift you did not want?
439
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,460
No, he gave me
a perfectly nice gift.
440
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:02,970
Ah, I see. So, so,
441
00:18:02,970 --> 00:18:05,970
you're mad because he did not
give you a gift you did want.
442
00:18:05,970 --> 00:18:08,970
No, I'm mad 'cause he
didn't give me the teddy.
443
00:18:08,970 --> 00:18:09,970
But-- But-- But-- But-- Heh-heh!
444
00:18:09,970 --> 00:18:11,470
Thought you did not
want the teddy.
445
00:18:11,470 --> 00:18:12,980
I didn't.
So you didn't get it,
446
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:15,480
so you should be happy, but
you're not, you're furious.
447
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:19,480
Exactly.
I've got to get off this ride.
448
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,480
Helen, face it.
449
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,490
He bought the teddy
for someone else.
450
00:18:22,490 --> 00:18:23,990
Thanks for the news flash,
Joe.
451
00:18:23,990 --> 00:18:25,490
Don't you think
it occurred to me?
452
00:18:25,490 --> 00:18:27,490
I just feel
so stupid.
453
00:18:27,490 --> 00:18:29,490
I thought we had
a real relationship,
454
00:18:29,490 --> 00:18:31,490
but he probably has a girl
in every port,
455
00:18:31,490 --> 00:18:33,500
one of whom is getting
my damn teddy.
456
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,500
This guy
cannot win.
457
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,000
First you're mad at him because
he wants you to be dirty.
458
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,510
Now you're mad at him because
he wants you to be clean?
459
00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:45,510
So, what are you gonna do?
460
00:18:45,510 --> 00:18:47,010
What else can I do?
I'm gonna break up with him.
461
00:18:47,010 --> 00:18:49,010
Look, Helen,
if you're gonna dump the guy,
462
00:18:49,010 --> 00:18:50,010
do it for the right reason:
463
00:18:50,010 --> 00:18:51,510
'Cause he's an idiot.
464
00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:54,020
Not over some
silly misunderstanding.
465
00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:55,520
Look,
I'll be honest with you.
466
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,520
I have no idea
what you see in that guy,
467
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,520
but if you see something worth
saving, then save it.
468
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,530
You think
I'm overreacting?
469
00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:06,530
Oh, just a little.
470
00:19:06,530 --> 00:19:10,530
Yeah, I mean, it's not like you
have an exclusive relationship.
471
00:19:10,530 --> 00:19:12,540
BRIAN:
Right, don't forget, up until
two days ago
472
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:14,040
this guy
was Mr. Perfect.
473
00:19:15,540 --> 00:19:17,540
Helen.
474
00:19:17,540 --> 00:19:18,540
Just for the record,
475
00:19:18,540 --> 00:19:21,540
I want you to know that I think
Davis is a wonderful guy.
476
00:19:21,540 --> 00:19:24,550
I think the two of you
make a beautiful couple.
477
00:19:24,550 --> 00:19:25,550
Thanks, Lowell.
478
00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:27,050
You know
what I just realized?
479
00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:28,550
It's true
what they say.
480
00:19:28,550 --> 00:19:32,560
Nostrils
are the windows to the soul.
481
00:19:34,060 --> 00:19:37,060
Bye, Lowell.
Bye.
482
00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:38,060
You know,
you guys are right.
483
00:19:38,060 --> 00:19:39,560
I am overreacting.
484
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,560
I mean,
that is none of my business.
485
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,570
I'm gonna forget this whole
thing ever happened,
486
00:19:43,570 --> 00:19:46,070
and I'm gonna forget I ever saw
that stupid teddy.
487
00:19:47,570 --> 00:19:49,070
Oh, hi, Davis.
488
00:19:49,070 --> 00:19:51,070
Uh, just...
came back to say goodbye.
489
00:19:51,070 --> 00:19:53,080
Oh, Davis,
is it that time already?
490
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,080
DAVIS:
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
491
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,580
But I'll get back
just as soon as I can.
492
00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:57,580
If you...want me to.
493
00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:59,580
Yes, of course I do.
494
00:19:59,580 --> 00:20:01,580
Well, it was nice
seeing you all again.
495
00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:02,590
Take care.
BRIAN: Bye.
496
00:20:02,590 --> 00:20:04,590
So long.
497
00:20:04,590 --> 00:20:07,090
Listen, I-I know I wasn't
very good company last night,
498
00:20:07,090 --> 00:20:08,090
but I just wanted to tell you
499
00:20:08,090 --> 00:20:09,590
that I really appreciate
your gift.
500
00:20:09,590 --> 00:20:12,600
That was very sweet.
Oh. Well, sure.
501
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,600
Helen,
what are you doing?!
502
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,600
Give me that. I can't take this
another minute.
503
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,600
Helen. Don't take--
504
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,600
Oh, don't play coy with me.
I know what's in here.
505
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,110
What the--?
That's my underwear.
506
00:20:23,110 --> 00:20:25,110
I'm not talking
about your underwear.
507
00:20:25,110 --> 00:20:28,110
I'm talking about this.
What is this?
508
00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:31,110
If I'm soap,
who the hell is silk?
509
00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:34,620
( chuckles )
510
00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:38,620
I wonder why.
511
00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:40,120
All right, who's it for? Who's
this for? Come on.
512
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,120
Oh, Helen,
this is really awkward.
513
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,630
Oh, yes,
I bet it is.
514
00:20:43,630 --> 00:20:45,130
Who's it for?
515
00:20:46,130 --> 00:20:48,130
Oh, all right.
516
00:20:49,130 --> 00:20:50,130
It's for you.
517
00:20:50,130 --> 00:20:52,130
( scoffs )
No, it is.
518
00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:54,140
Helen, I-- I...
519
00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:56,140
I saw it in Paris
and it...
520
00:20:56,140 --> 00:20:58,140
It was so beautiful.
I wanted you to have it.
521
00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:00,640
But then I realized,
it's too soon for me to give you
522
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,150
a gift like that.
523
00:21:02,140 --> 00:21:04,650
So I decided to wait.
524
00:21:06,150 --> 00:21:08,150
Really?
Well, yeah.
525
00:21:08,150 --> 00:21:10,150
There-- There's a protocol
to gift-giving.
526
00:21:10,150 --> 00:21:12,660
I-I didn't wanna rush it.
527
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:16,660
So, um, when were you planning
on giving it to me?
528
00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:21,660
I don't know. Probably
somewhere around date ten or 12?
529
00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:24,670
Right after
monogrammed stationary?
530
00:21:24,670 --> 00:21:26,170
Yeah, but before
precious metals.
531
00:21:26,170 --> 00:21:27,670
Oh, Davis.
532
00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:30,170
Just one thing,
Helen.
533
00:21:30,170 --> 00:21:33,180
How'd you even know
it was in my suitcase?
534
00:21:33,180 --> 00:21:37,180
( upbeat piano theme playing )
535
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:55,700
( upbeat piano theme playing )
39364
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