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1
00:00:01,540 --> 00:00:03,540
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:07,540
Uhh, Helen...
3
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,040
I was wondering...
4
00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:10,550
Do you have any plans
for Christmas?
5
00:00:10,550 --> 00:00:12,050
Oh, yes.
6
00:00:12,050 --> 00:00:14,550
Right after the children's
Christmas party tomorrow night,
7
00:00:14,550 --> 00:00:16,550
I'm going to New York
to see Davis.
8
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,550
We're gonna go ice skating
in Central Park,
9
00:00:18,550 --> 00:00:21,060
a horse-drawn carriage
down 5th Avenue,
10
00:00:21,060 --> 00:00:23,060
dinner at Tavern on the Green,
11
00:00:23,060 --> 00:00:24,560
and then we're going to
the Lincoln Center
12
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:25,560
to see The Nutcracker.
13
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:26,560
So, what about you?
14
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,560
Oh, uhh, I have plans.
Uhh..
15
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,070
I'm going to watch
16
00:00:31,070 --> 00:00:33,070
Charlie Brown's
A Very Snoopy Christmas.
17
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:38,070
Oh, well that sounds
nice too.
18
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,080
And then, I think
I'll kill myself.
19
00:00:50,590 --> 00:00:53,590
Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, there you are.
20
00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:55,590
Look, uhh...
21
00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:58,590
I-I don't have any plans
for Christmas,
22
00:00:58,590 --> 00:01:01,100
and I was wondering
what you're doing.
23
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:04,600
In exactly...
22 hours and 44 minutes,
24
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,100
Alex and I are going to be
making our way
25
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,100
to a romantic little cottage
in Vermont,
26
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:12,110
where we will drink champagne,
exchange gifts,
27
00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:15,610
and then proceed to unwrap...
each other.
28
00:01:18,610 --> 00:01:21,120
I think I would feel
out of place.
29
00:01:24,620 --> 00:01:26,120
Just got off the phone
with my mom.
30
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,120
Yeah.
31
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,120
Turns out all four
of my brothers
32
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,130
were able to get holiday leave
from Fort Benning.
33
00:01:31,130 --> 00:01:33,630
Means I'll be the only one who
won't be there for Christmas.
34
00:01:33,630 --> 00:01:35,130
Oh, baby, baby, baby.
35
00:01:35,130 --> 00:01:36,630
I know exactly what
you're thinking,
36
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:37,630
and I'll tell ya
what we'll do.
37
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:39,630
When we get to Vermont,
38
00:01:39,630 --> 00:01:41,640
we'll just send them
a nice can of syrup.
39
00:01:44,140 --> 00:01:47,140
Or, the two of us
could go to Florida.
40
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,140
Give you a chance to meet
my whole family.
41
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,650
( laughs )
42
00:01:54,150 --> 00:01:55,650
She's funny, she's funny.
43
00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,150
You already told them
we were coming, didn't you?
44
00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:01,660
They're meeting us
at the airport.
45
00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:02,660
You're the best.
46
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,160
Okay, so... no, no,
it's fine, it's fine.
47
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,670
Instead of cavorting on
a satin-covered bed with Alex,
48
00:02:10,670 --> 00:02:11,670
I'll be, uhh...
49
00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:14,170
in a Tallahassee
retirement village,
50
00:02:14,170 --> 00:02:17,170
sleeping on an Army cot
next to her brother Duane
51
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:19,170
and his collection
of enemy teeth.
52
00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:24,680
All right, Helen,
time for a status report.
53
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,180
Did you bake the cookies?
54
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,680
Yes, I did.
55
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:28,680
Uhh, did you get the egg nog?
56
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,190
Yes, I did.
57
00:02:31,190 --> 00:02:33,690
Did you take the strawberries
out to thaw?
58
00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:35,690
Yes, I did.
59
00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:37,690
Am I sensing an attitude here?
60
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,690
Yes, you are.
61
00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:44,200
Helen, Helen, Helen,
you don't seem to understand
62
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,200
the importance of
this Christmas party.
63
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,200
Fay, just relax,
it's gonna be fine.
64
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,700
Fine isn't good enough.
65
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:50,710
It has to be better than
66
00:02:50,710 --> 00:02:52,710
the party Edna Pillit
threw last year.
67
00:02:54,210 --> 00:02:55,210
Now, I thought we were
throwing this
68
00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:57,710
to see smiles on
the little children's faces.
69
00:02:58,210 --> 00:02:59,710
Who?
70
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,220
Fay, the children,
71
00:03:02,220 --> 00:03:03,720
the people we're having
the party for.
72
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,220
Oh yeah, them.
73
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,730
Hey, Roy, look at this.
74
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:14,230
Is that not a great tree?
75
00:03:14,230 --> 00:03:17,730
I-I don't know what it is,
the shape, the size.
76
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:19,730
There's just something about it,
I love this tree.
77
00:03:19,730 --> 00:03:20,740
You two wanna be alone?
78
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,740
Hey, look, I just happen
to think that
79
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:25,240
the tree is the most
important part of Christmas.
80
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,740
I couldn't agree more, Hackett,
that is why I got this baby.
81
00:03:29,740 --> 00:03:31,750
( "Deck the Halls" playing )
82
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:35,750
I can't wait to see
the look on Mom's face
83
00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:37,250
when I bring her this
at the home.
84
00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:40,760
You're giving that cheesy thing
to your mother?
85
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,260
Don't worry,
with Mom's eyesight,
86
00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:44,260
she'll think it's the tree
at Rockefeller Center.
87
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,760
Ho, ho, ho.
88
00:03:49,260 --> 00:03:51,770
Ho-ho, ho, ho, ho.
89
00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:53,270
Ho-ho-ho.
90
00:03:54,270 --> 00:03:55,770
Lowell?
91
00:03:55,770 --> 00:03:57,770
What-what are you doing?
92
00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:59,270
Well, I agreed to play
Santa Claus
93
00:03:59,270 --> 00:04:01,780
for the big
Christmas party, so,
94
00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,780
I'm trying to get under the skin
of this Claus guy,
95
00:04:03,780 --> 00:04:05,280
see what makes him tick.
96
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,780
Hey, do you have any plans
for Christmas Eve?
97
00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:13,290
No. I have no plans.
I'm totally available.
98
00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:15,790
Great. 'Cause I need someone
to play the dumb elf.
99
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:18,290
At least it's something to do.
100
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:19,790
Okay.
101
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,800
Hi, Lowell.
102
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:23,800
Hi, Antonio.
Hi, Bunny.
103
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,300
Bunny.
104
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:27,300
I didn't know you were
coming over here for Christmas.
105
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,300
Well, my friend Susie's
getting married tonight,
106
00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:30,810
and I'm a bridesmaid.
107
00:04:30,810 --> 00:04:32,810
Fine. Isn't that something?
108
00:04:32,810 --> 00:04:35,810
Ol' Susie actually managed
to land somebody.
109
00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:38,810
You'd never expect it, what with
the spindly little legs
110
00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:40,820
and that big banana head
of hers.
111
00:04:40,820 --> 00:04:43,320
Yeah, she's not exactly
the pick of the litter.
112
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,320
I wonder why I'm not invited
to the wedding.
113
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,320
Susie and her fiancé figured
since we're divorced
114
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,330
it wouldn't be appropriate
for you to be there.
115
00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:53,830
Right, right.
Who's she marrying?
116
00:04:53,830 --> 00:04:55,330
You cousin Larry.
117
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,830
Well, I gotta go.
118
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,330
Merry Christmas.
119
00:05:04,340 --> 00:05:08,340
( over radio ):
God rest ye merry, Gentleman,
Let nothing you dismay
120
00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:09,840
WOMAN:
Taxi!
121
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:13,350
--Christ our Savior
Was born on Christmas day
122
00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:16,350
Hi, Bunny.
123
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,350
Antonio.
124
00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:20,860
Boy, what are the chances of
hailing a cab and getting you?
125
00:05:20,860 --> 00:05:23,360
On this island,
about one in four.
126
00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:26,360
So, where can I take you, Bunny?
127
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,360
To the Harbor House.
128
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,370
So, how was
your friend's wedding?
129
00:05:32,370 --> 00:05:34,370
Oh, it was beautiful.
130
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:36,370
And I was the most popular girl
in the reception line.
131
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:39,370
One of her uncles came back
three times.
132
00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:42,880
I guess he was overcome
by emotion.
133
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,380
Nah, he was blitzed.
134
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:50,380
You know, it feels really weird,
me sitting way back here,
135
00:05:50,380 --> 00:05:51,890
and you up there.
136
00:05:51,890 --> 00:05:55,390
Well, now that you mention it,
it does kind of feel like
137
00:05:55,390 --> 00:05:56,890
I'm "driving Miss Bunny."
138
00:05:58,390 --> 00:06:01,400
Why don't I just pull over,
and then you could come...
139
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,400
Or you could just
hurdle the front seat.
140
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:10,410
Oh, Christmas.
141
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:11,910
It's such a wonderful
time of year, isn't it?
142
00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:13,910
Oh, it's magical.
143
00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:16,410
Making angels in the snow.
144
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:17,910
Listening to carolers.
145
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,910
Decorating the tree.
146
00:06:19,910 --> 00:06:21,420
Watching It's a Wonderful Life.
147
00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:24,420
Being downtown with all
the lights and the decorations
148
00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:26,420
and seeing all the...
149
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:30,420
happy couples walking
hand in hand.
150
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:32,430
Sitting alone at Midnight Mass.
151
00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:36,430
Opening the Christmas present
you bought for yourself,
152
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:37,930
and trying to look surprised.
153
00:06:39,930 --> 00:06:42,440
Watching It's a Wonderful Life,
again.
154
00:06:43,940 --> 00:06:46,440
Wondering why Jimmy Stewart
didn't jump off that bridge.
155
00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:50,950
I hate Christmas.
156
00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:52,450
It sucks.
157
00:06:52,450 --> 00:06:54,450
( crying )
158
00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:56,450
Don't cry, Bunny.
159
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,950
Don't cry.
I'm sorry.
160
00:06:58,450 --> 00:06:59,950
I probably...
161
00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:02,460
I probably just had
too much champagne.
162
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:05,960
No, it's not the champagne.
163
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:06,960
It's the holidays.
164
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,960
Sometimes they're just
so depressing.
165
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:09,960
Yeah, I know.
166
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,470
They are supposed to
make us feel so joyful,
167
00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:16,470
but if we don't have loved ones
to share them with,
168
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,970
then all of the joy
turns into a sadness.
169
00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:21,480
That is so deep.
170
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,980
A man in a cab has
a lot of time to think.
171
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:29,480
Thanks for listening to me.
172
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,990
Ah, it's my pleasure.
173
00:07:31,990 --> 00:07:34,490
And look at that,
mistletoe.
174
00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:35,990
( both chuckle )
175
00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:37,490
And it's also
an air freshener.
176
00:07:39,490 --> 00:07:41,000
( both sniff )
177
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:45,000
Merry Christmas, Antonio.
178
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,500
Merry Christmas, Bunny.
179
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,000
( both laugh )
180
00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:01,520
Joy to the world
The Lord has come
181
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,520
Let Earth receive her King
182
00:08:16,030 --> 00:08:18,030
Aside from the fact that
that Christmas tree
183
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:20,540
looks like a tumbleweed,
I thought I gave you
184
00:08:20,530 --> 00:08:23,540
specific instructions
to have it placed downstairs.
185
00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:25,540
Fay, I thought that
it was tradition
186
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:27,540
that we placed it upstairs.
187
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:28,540
You thought.
188
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:31,050
Well, let me explain something.
189
00:08:31,050 --> 00:08:33,550
A party is like
Santa's sleigh;
190
00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:36,050
only one reindeer can be
in the front,
191
00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:39,050
or the sleigh will
veer off course.
192
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:42,060
That's why I'm in charge.
193
00:08:42,060 --> 00:08:44,560
You and Joe
are Donner and Blitzen.
194
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:47,060
I'm Rudolf.
195
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:52,070
I'm the one
with the big red nose.
196
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:55,570
I'd like to give you
a big red nose.
197
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,070
Suckin' all the joy
out of Christmas.
198
00:08:59,070 --> 00:09:02,080
Wish Santa's sleigh
would run over you.
199
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,080
I can't take this anymore,
can't wait til this stupid--
200
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,580
Change of plans, Joe.
201
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:08,580
Rudolf the red-nosed nutcase
wants the tree downstairs.
202
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:13,090
I don't think it's well enough
to make the trip.
203
00:09:13,090 --> 00:09:15,590
Wow, what happened to it?
It looked so good yesterday.
204
00:09:15,590 --> 00:09:17,590
I don't know.
205
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,090
It took a turn for the worse
during the night.
206
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,600
Guess we should get a new tree.
207
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,100
No, no, it'll be fine.
208
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,600
Joe, I think it's time.
209
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,610
Time for what?
210
00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:33,110
To pull the plug.
211
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,610
You're right, it's probably
for the best.
212
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,620
( sighs )
213
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,120
You did the right thing,
Hackett.
214
00:09:51,130 --> 00:09:53,630
If it had lived, it would've
been a total vegetable.
215
00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:57,130
I'll go notify
it's next of kindling.
216
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,640
What are you doing up
at this time of night?
217
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,150
Did you have another accident?
218
00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:17,150
I needed pajamas, I wanted
to see if they would fit.
219
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,650
I can't very well walk around
220
00:10:18,650 --> 00:10:20,650
Alex's parent's house
in my underwear, can I?
221
00:10:20,650 --> 00:10:22,160
No, that would look silly.
222
00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:28,160
Unlike a grown man with
little kitties on his jammies.
223
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,670
It's Christmas,
the pickins were really slim.
224
00:10:31,670 --> 00:10:34,170
It was either these,
or these with feet.
225
00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:37,170
Well, those are definitely you.
226
00:10:38,670 --> 00:10:41,680
( sighs ):
I have to find
a new Christmas tree.
227
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:43,680
Why? What happened to the one
you bought yesterday?
228
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:44,680
I don't wanna talk about it.
229
00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:51,690
Just so you know,
if my brothers see you in those,
230
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,190
they'll shave your head.
231
00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:56,190
Look, Alex, I-I--
232
00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:58,190
I'm kidding, they're cute.
233
00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:00,190
Umm, listen,
I just came by to tell you
234
00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:02,200
that Mom wants you
to play Tiny Tim
235
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,200
in the Christmas pageant.
236
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,200
The Christmas pageant?
237
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,700
Yeah, well after we
open up presents,
238
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,200
we act out A Christmas Carol
in the living room.
239
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,200
Oh.
We do it for my Dad.
240
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,210
( mumbling )
He loves it.
241
00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:12,210
Listen, Alex, Alex.
242
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:13,210
Alex...
243
00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:14,710
I've got a, umm, flight,
244
00:11:14,710 --> 00:11:16,710
so I'll talk to you
in about an hour, okay?
245
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:20,210
( whines ):
I don't wanna play Tiny Tim.
246
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:22,720
Well, what's the big deal?
247
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,220
So you limp around
the living room a little.
248
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:27,720
No, man, it's not,
it's not just Tiny Tim.
249
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,220
I mean, it's-it's everything.
250
00:11:30,220 --> 00:11:31,230
It's the look.
251
00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:32,730
What look?
252
00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:34,230
The look that's gonna be
in her father's eye
253
00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:35,730
while he's shaking my hand
that says,
254
00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:38,230
"I know you've been doing it
with my little girl."
255
00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:43,240
Oh, good, you're both here.
256
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,740
I-I need to talk to you.
I've got a big problem.
257
00:11:45,740 --> 00:11:48,240
Oh, really? Wait in line, 'cause
I got a problem of my own.
258
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,750
I'm still stuck going to Alex's
parent's house for the holidays.
259
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:53,750
I've got two hours
to find a Christmas tree.
260
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,750
I slept with Bunny
in the back seat of my cab.
261
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:01,760
BOTH:
You win.
262
00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:05,760
Wow, wow, wow, man.
You and Bunny, huh?
263
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:09,760
I know, I-I am scum,
I-I--
264
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,770
I am dirt,
I am lower then dirt.
265
00:12:12,770 --> 00:12:15,270
I-I'm the dirt beneath dirt.
266
00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:17,770
Antonio, these things happen.
267
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,270
I mean, you're only human,
and we are talking about Bunny.
268
00:12:20,270 --> 00:12:21,280
I know, but--
269
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,780
I should've been stronger.
270
00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,780
I should not have let her
sit so close.
271
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:28,280
I should not
have let her kiss me.
272
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,790
I-I should not have let her do
so many of the things she did...
273
00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:34,790
so well...
274
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,790
But I-I mean,
how serious is this?
275
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:40,790
You're not thinking of seeing
any more of Bunny, are you?
276
00:12:40,790 --> 00:12:45,300
Oh, no, no. We both agreed it
was just a one-time thing, but.
277
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,300
The guilt is eating me alive.
278
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,800
Hey, why don't you go
to confession,
279
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,300
that might make you
feel better.
280
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,310
I already did.
281
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:54,310
You know, I don't think
I'm the first person
282
00:12:54,310 --> 00:12:55,810
to confess about Bunny.
283
00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:59,310
When I mentioned her name,
the priest lowered my penance
284
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:00,820
from 10 Hail Marys,
to four.
285
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,320
There's only one thing to do.
286
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,830
I-I must find Lowell, and admit
this terrible thing I've done.
287
00:13:14,830 --> 00:13:15,830
Bad idea.
288
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,830
Antonio, Antonio, hold up,
man, hold up, hold up.
289
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:22,340
Listen, if you're not
gonna see Bunny anymore,
290
00:13:22,340 --> 00:13:23,840
then what's the point
of telling Lowell?
291
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,840
Yeah, you know how crazy
Lowell gets about Bunny.
292
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,340
If you really wanna be a friend,
don't tell him.
293
00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:30,850
You don't understand.
294
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,850
When Antonio Scarpacci
sleeps with another man's wife,
295
00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:35,850
he tells him.
That is a friend.
296
00:13:42,860 --> 00:13:45,360
I'm still wearing my pajamas,
aren't I?
297
00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:00,370
Ah, ho, ho, ho.
There's my little elf.
298
00:14:00,370 --> 00:14:01,380
Yeah, look,
Lowell...
299
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:03,880
I-I am feeling so upset
right now--
300
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,380
I-I really need to talk to you.
301
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:07,380
Antonio, it's almost time
for the party.
302
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,880
Go put on your elf suit.
303
00:14:10,380 --> 00:14:12,890
And do you know where Joe is
with the tree?
304
00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:15,890
Ho, ho, ho. No I don't, Fay.
305
00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:18,390
Can it, Lowell, I'm in no mood.
306
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,900
And where is everyone?
Where are the carolers?
307
00:14:20,890 --> 00:14:22,900
Where are all the little kids?
308
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:24,400
Helen, are you sure
you told them
309
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,400
the Christmas party
was tonight?
310
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,900
No, Fay, I told them
the Christmas party
311
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,400
was the Fourth of July.
312
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,410
Oh, aren't we droll?
313
00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:33,910
And I think you'd better
take out
314
00:14:33,910 --> 00:14:35,410
the other container
of strawberries.
315
00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:37,410
There is no other container
of strawberries
316
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,910
What do you mean?
I bought it myself.
317
00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:40,910
No, Fay,
you only bought one.
318
00:14:40,910 --> 00:14:42,420
I don't recall that.
319
00:14:44,420 --> 00:14:45,420
Oh, Joe.
320
00:14:45,420 --> 00:14:47,920
W-where's my Christmas tree?
321
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,920
Oh, Fay, I am so sorry.
322
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,430
I looked everywhere,
and I promise you,
323
00:14:52,430 --> 00:14:54,930
there is not a Christmas tree
left on this island.
324
00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:58,930
Oh, won't Edna Pillit
have a field day with this.
325
00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,930
I am so sick of hearing
that woman's name.
326
00:15:00,930 --> 00:15:02,940
You want a tree?
I'll get you a damn tree.
327
00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:04,940
Roy?
328
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:08,940
I need to borrow
your tree in a briefcase.
329
00:15:08,940 --> 00:15:12,450
Oh, Hackett,
that's for my mom.
330
00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:14,450
It's gonna make
her whole Christmas.
331
00:15:14,450 --> 00:15:15,450
I'll give you 50 bucks.
332
00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:16,450
Deal.
333
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,450
I'll tell her
she slept through Christmas.
334
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,960
All right, Fay...
here it is.
335
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,460
( "Deck the Halls" playing )
336
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:32,470
Have a merry...
337
00:15:32,470 --> 00:15:35,470
portable, prefab,
plastic little Christmas.
338
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:38,970
Is it any wonder they call it
339
00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:40,970
the most magical time
of the year.
340
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:42,980
Oh...
341
00:15:44,980 --> 00:15:47,980
Oh, Brian.
I'm all ready to go.
342
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,980
I can't wait to see the look
in Dad's eye when he meets you.
343
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:53,990
Listen, Alex, there's something
I gotta say to you.
344
00:15:53,990 --> 00:15:55,490
I can't go with you
to your parents.
345
00:15:55,490 --> 00:15:56,990
Wh-why not?
346
00:15:58,490 --> 00:15:59,990
The truth is...
347
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,500
my Aunt Martha broke her hip.
348
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:06,000
She was setting up
a Nativity scene,
349
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,500
and she tripped
and fell over a wise man.
350
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,510
How many more of these senseless
Nativity accidents
351
00:16:14,510 --> 00:16:18,010
must we endure until they make
those things safe?
352
00:16:21,010 --> 00:16:23,020
Why don't you just say it?
353
00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:26,020
You don't want to go
to my parents'.
354
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:28,020
( muffled ):
I don't wanna go
to you parents'.
355
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,520
I can't believe
you just said that.
356
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,030
Alex...
357
00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:35,030
Announcing the departure of
Aeromass flight 19 to Boston.
358
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,030
And the arrival of a man
359
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:42,040
with absolutely
no self-respect whatsoever.
360
00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:48,540
Oh, it's about time, Antonio.
361
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,050
Now come over here.
Stand right here.
362
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,550
And you can help the little
children climb onto Santa's lap.
363
00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:56,050
What little children?
364
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,550
Don't start with me.
365
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,050
Nobody likes a smart-elf.
366
00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:04,060
Okay, Lowell, Lowell.
367
00:17:04,060 --> 00:17:06,560
Listen, I-I--
We have to talk.
368
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,560
I've been kicking myself
all day.
369
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,070
That would explain why
your shoes are curled up.
370
00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:13,070
( laughs )
371
00:17:14,570 --> 00:17:17,570
Ho, ho, ho, there, Bunny.
Guess who?
372
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:18,570
Hi, Lowell.
373
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,570
Damn, she guessed it.
374
00:17:20,570 --> 00:17:21,580
Hi, Antonio.
375
00:17:21,580 --> 00:17:23,080
( mumbles ):
Yeah, hi, how are you?
376
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,080
So, Bunny, did you have
a good time last night?
377
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,080
Oh, yeah. I had
a wonderful time last night.
378
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,080
( whimpering )
379
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,090
It was the best wedding
I've ever been to.
380
00:17:32,090 --> 00:17:34,090
Well, Merry Christmas, Lowell.
381
00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:35,090
Oh, Merry Christmas.
382
00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:36,590
Merry Christmas, Antonio.
383
00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:38,590
Yeah, Merry Christmas.
384
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:39,590
Bye.
385
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:41,600
Bye, Bunny.
386
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,100
Lowell, listen. I have got to
get this off my chest.
387
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:47,600
Ho, ho, ho, welcome, children.
388
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,100
Now, come over here
and see Santa Claus.
389
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,100
This is the big party?
390
00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:53,610
It sucks.
391
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,610
Why are you children so big?
392
00:17:59,610 --> 00:18:01,620
You're supposed to be
much smaller.
393
00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:03,120
What are you doing here?
394
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,620
Relax, granny.
395
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:07,120
There was an invitation
up in the teen center.
396
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,620
The teen center?
397
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:14,630
Helen, you were supposed to call
the children's center,
398
00:18:14,630 --> 00:18:16,130
not the teen center.
399
00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:18,130
You've ruined my party!
400
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,130
Fay, I just called the number
that you gave me.
401
00:18:21,130 --> 00:18:22,640
I should've seen this coming.
402
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,640
You've all been disloyal to me
from the start.
403
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,140
Fay, give it a rest.
404
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:30,640
Oh, I've tried to run
this party properly,
405
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,650
but you fought me
at every turn.
406
00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:35,150
All of you, it was sabotage.
407
00:18:35,150 --> 00:18:39,650
First Joe tried to make me look
foolish with the Christmas tree,
408
00:18:39,650 --> 00:18:41,660
and then there were
the strawberries.
409
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:43,160
Ah, the strawberries.
410
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:47,160
I-I know there were
two containers, not one.
411
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,160
And I'd have proved it,
if I had the time.
412
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:53,670
I could have...
413
00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:56,670
I really could have.
414
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:58,670
Fay...
415
00:19:00,170 --> 00:19:01,170
It's me, Helen.
416
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,680
It's time for me to
take over now.
417
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:07,180
I'm just gonna take
the clipboard...
418
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,180
No...
419
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,180
and let's end this.
420
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:10,180
No, no, you can't have it,
421
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:11,690
I'm still in charge!
422
00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:13,690
My clipboard!
423
00:19:13,690 --> 00:19:16,690
Whoa...
Grandma's strokin' out.
424
00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:18,190
So, uh, which one
of you boys
425
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:21,190
is gonna be the first
to hop up in ol' Santa's lap?
426
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,700
Get real, perv.
427
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:26,200
Oh, oh.
428
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,200
You think you're too old
for Santa Claus, is that it?
429
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,200
Well, you're never
too old for Santa.
430
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,210
Uhh, come here,
little dumb elf.
431
00:19:33,210 --> 00:19:35,710
Uhh, hop up on Santa's lap.
432
00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:38,210
Come on, Antonio,
get the ball rolling.
433
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,210
Now then, just tell
old Santa Claus
434
00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:41,720
what you want for Christmas.
435
00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:44,720
Forgiveness from God.
436
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,220
How about a train set?
437
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,730
But, but first,
you gotta tell Santa,
438
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:54,230
have you been naughty or nice?
439
00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:57,230
Oh, no, Santa.
440
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,730
I-I've not been nice.
441
00:19:59,730 --> 00:20:01,740
I've been very naughty.
442
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:03,240
Uh, ho, ho, ho.
443
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,240
Uhh, it couldn't have been
that bad,
444
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:06,240
what'd you do?
445
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,740
I slept with the ex-Mrs. Claus.
446
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:13,250
Uhh, ho, ho--
Huh?
447
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:18,250
Last night, Bunny and I...
448
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,250
You and Bunny?
449
00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:22,260
Lowell, let me explain.
450
00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:24,260
Alex, Alex, Alex,
I wanna go to your parents'.
451
00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:26,260
It's too late,
I don't want you to go.
452
00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,260
Good, 'cause I was lying,
453
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:28,260
I don't wanna go.
Oh, another lie.
454
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:30,260
No, it's my party,
455
00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:32,770
and it's not over
til I say it's over.
456
00:20:32,770 --> 00:20:34,270
Hey, hey, hey...
457
00:20:34,270 --> 00:20:35,270
Where you going with that?
458
00:20:35,270 --> 00:20:36,270
Look, you're not gonna need it.
459
00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:38,270
( indistinct arguing )
460
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:39,770
( singing in distance )
461
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,280
Round yon Virgin Mother
And Child
462
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,780
( arguing gets quiet )
463
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:53,790
Holy Infant so tender
And mild
464
00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:59,290
Sleep in Heavenly peace
465
00:20:59,290 --> 00:21:05,800
Sleep in Heavenly peace
466
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:13,810
( indistinct yelling )
467
00:21:15,810 --> 00:21:18,310
We wish you
A Merry Christmas
468
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:19,810
We wish you
A Merry Christmas
469
00:21:19,810 --> 00:21:21,820
We wish you
A Merry Christmas
470
00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:24,820
And a Happy New Year
471
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:42,340
( piano theme playing )
33905
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