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1
00:00:01,140 --> 00:00:03,140
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:05,140 --> 00:00:07,140
Uh,
your attention please.
3
00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:09,140
For those of you flying
Sandpiper Air today,
4
00:00:09,140 --> 00:00:11,150
please remember that your
carryon luggage
5
00:00:11,150 --> 00:00:13,150
must remain with you
at all times
6
00:00:13,150 --> 00:00:15,150
and small children
must be stowed
7
00:00:15,150 --> 00:00:16,650
under the seat
in front of you.
8
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,660
Oh, my. Um.
9
00:00:24,660 --> 00:00:27,660
Um, o-obviously you'd want to
keep your children with you
10
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,660
and stow
your luggage.
11
00:00:34,170 --> 00:00:36,170
Besides,
the average small child
12
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,670
wouldn't even fit
under our seats.
13
00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:42,680
W-well,
not without a struggle.
14
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:44,680
( upbeat piano theme playing )
15
00:00:48,180 --> 00:00:49,680
( rock music playing on radio )
16
00:00:55,190 --> 00:00:56,690
RADIO ANNOUNCER:
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
17
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,190
Another big Saturday night
18
00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:01,700
and we're looking for
caller number ten.
19
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:02,700
Get to your phones,
people.
20
00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:06,700
We're talking about
5000 big ones.
21
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,200
Those boards
are lighting up.
22
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,210
Eight, nine
and caller number ten.
23
00:01:11,210 --> 00:01:12,210
Your name is...
24
00:01:12,210 --> 00:01:13,710
Antonio Scarpacci.
25
00:01:13,710 --> 00:01:15,210
Roy Biggins.
26
00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:16,210
Fay Cochran.
27
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:17,710
Wanda Steven.
28
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:19,710
Damn!
Damn.
29
00:01:19,710 --> 00:01:20,720
Damn.
30
00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,720
Okay, Wanda,
here's your question:
31
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:26,720
What's the state bird
of Oklahoma?
32
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:28,720
( Antonio groans )
33
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,230
Why couldn't I get
that one?
34
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:34,730
Everybody knows it's
the rose-breasted grosbeak.
35
00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:37,730
No, it isn't. It's
the scissor-tailed flycatcher.
36
00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:38,730
Fay, trust me.
37
00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:40,240
I know my state birds.
38
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:43,240
I-I learned them on
a place mat at Stuckey's.
39
00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:46,240
( foghorn on radio )
40
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,240
Sorry, Wanda.
41
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,250
The correct answer is
the scissor-tailed flycatcher.
42
00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:55,250
She's been right
on the last 12.
43
00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:57,750
Fay, how do you know
all these things?
44
00:01:57,750 --> 00:02:00,260
Well, uh, did you ever hear of
Funk & Wagnalls encyclopedia?
45
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,260
Yeah.
Yeah.
46
00:02:01,260 --> 00:02:02,760
I dated a Funk.
47
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,260
I can't believe this.
48
00:02:05,260 --> 00:02:06,760
What is a hot,
young stud like me doing
49
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,760
wasting a Saturday night
with you two,
50
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,270
when I could be out with
any number of beautiful women?
51
00:02:14,270 --> 00:02:17,770
Let's just count how many things
are wrong with that statement.
52
00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:21,280
Well, n-n-now, wait.
I have an idea.
53
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,780
We could all
go in this together,
54
00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:25,280
and that way we'd have
a better chance of winning.
55
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,780
You know, Fay,
you might have a point.
56
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:29,280
With the ton of
useless crap between your ears
57
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,790
and my speed dialers,
58
00:02:30,790 --> 00:02:32,290
we just might have
a shot at this.
59
00:02:32,290 --> 00:02:34,290
Yeah, well,
why not?
60
00:02:34,290 --> 00:02:36,790
Besides what else is there to do
on a Saturday night
61
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:41,300
in this frozen winter wasteland
we call Nantucket?
62
00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:43,800
Hey, is anybody interested in
going down to the junior high
63
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,800
and seeing this production of
Jesus Christ Superstar?
64
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,800
Oh, no, they cancelled it.
Jesus couldn't make it.
65
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,310
He got grounded.
66
00:02:52,310 --> 00:02:54,810
Perfect.
I hate Saturday nights.
67
00:02:54,810 --> 00:02:56,310
Oh, Joe.
My nails are wet.
68
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,810
Quick. Get this hair
outta my face.
69
00:02:57,810 --> 00:03:00,320
Wow. What are you
doing tonight?
70
00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:01,820
Thanks.
Uh, Davis is coming in
71
00:03:01,820 --> 00:03:02,820
on Roy's next flight.
72
00:03:02,820 --> 00:03:04,320
So you're not
doing anything either.
73
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:05,820
Maybe we can go grab
a pizza.
74
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,320
Don't worry.
He's coming.
75
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,320
Pepperoni okay?
76
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,330
Joe, stop it.
77
00:03:11,330 --> 00:03:12,830
You just
don't like Davis
78
00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:15,330
because he wouldn't
lend you the money
79
00:03:15,330 --> 00:03:17,830
and it crushed your dreams
and ruined your life
80
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:18,830
and yadda yadda yadda--
81
00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:20,840
Do you think this dress
needs a necklace? Yeah.
82
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,840
Hey, Joe.
83
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,340
Ah, it's another
big Saturday, huh?
84
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:29,840
You know, the night belongs to
macho, lusty hombres
85
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,350
like you and me.
86
00:03:33,850 --> 00:03:35,850
Lowell, why are you talking like
a beer commercial?
87
00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:38,350
Hey, it's a
beer-commercial life.
88
00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:42,860
You know, fast women, hot cars,
and guys who laugh like this:
89
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,860
Look, tell you what.
90
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,860
If you promise never
to do that again,
91
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,870
maybe you and me could sort of
hang out, do something.
92
00:03:51,870 --> 00:03:53,370
Ah, sorry, Joe.
93
00:03:53,370 --> 00:03:56,870
Yeah, Tucker and I are gonna
go on a rat-shoot tonight.
94
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,370
Now, you know
I'd invite you along,
95
00:03:58,370 --> 00:03:59,870
but you know what they say
about rat-shoots.
96
00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:01,880
Two's company.
Three's crossfire.
97
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:08,380
Hey, did you guys figure out
anything to do tonight?
98
00:04:08,380 --> 00:04:09,380
I am desperate.
99
00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:11,390
Yeah, we're going to the movies.
Want to come?
100
00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:12,890
Oh, yes. Great.
What are we seeing?
101
00:04:12,890 --> 00:04:16,890
It's a Rainer Werner Fassbinder
festival.
102
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:17,890
What?
103
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,400
Please don't make me
say it again.
104
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,900
They're showing
Fear Eats the Soul
105
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:24,900
and
Berlin Alexanderplatz.
106
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:27,400
Uh,
not that desperate.
107
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,400
Listen, why don't you just
go out with Helen?
108
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,410
Oh, she's waiting
for Lynch to show up.
109
00:04:31,410 --> 00:04:32,910
I'll never understand
that relationship.
110
00:04:32,910 --> 00:04:34,910
Ha, ha.
What don't you understand?
111
00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:39,410
He's charming, romantic, funny
and incredibly successful.
112
00:04:39,410 --> 00:04:40,920
I used to go out with
a guy just like him.
113
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,920
Clearly you've
gotten over that.
114
00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:47,420
We better get going.
The movie starts in 20 minutes.
115
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:48,920
Wait one second.
116
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,430
This-- This incredibly
successful guy.
117
00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:52,930
Who was he?
118
00:04:52,930 --> 00:04:53,930
What?
119
00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:57,430
If I tell you his name it--
It'll just drive you crazy.
120
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,430
Oh, he's a name?
121
00:04:58,430 --> 00:05:00,430
W-would I know
who he is?
122
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:01,940
Can we drop it?
123
00:05:01,940 --> 00:05:03,940
Well, drop who?
Who are we dropping, exactly?
124
00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:05,440
Come on, Brian.
125
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,440
I don't ask you about
all the women you've dated.
126
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,440
Oh, yeah, of course.
127
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,950
Okay, I've dated lots and lots
of women, but, uh...
128
00:05:11,950 --> 00:05:13,950
I mean,
nobody famous.
129
00:05:13,950 --> 00:05:15,950
Lots?
Exactly how many?
130
00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:16,950
Exactly how famous?
131
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,450
Very famous.
Very many.
132
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,460
Brian, please.
Let's just stop this.
133
00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:24,460
It'll ruin our entire night.
All right.
134
00:05:24,460 --> 00:05:26,960
You're absolutely right.
It's stupid. It's stupid.
135
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,460
Is he a politician,
actor, rock star?
136
00:05:29,460 --> 00:05:30,460
Rock star?
137
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,470
Oh, I knew it!
138
00:05:31,470 --> 00:05:34,470
It's that weasel Sting,
isn't it?
139
00:05:34,470 --> 00:05:35,970
To hell with this.
I'm going home.
140
00:05:35,970 --> 00:05:36,970
Call me when you
grow up.
141
00:05:39,470 --> 00:05:40,980
What happened?
I thought you were gonna
142
00:05:40,980 --> 00:05:41,980
go to the movies
with Alex.
143
00:05:41,980 --> 00:05:42,980
Yeah, so did I.
144
00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:44,480
Ask her
one little question
145
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,980
and she went
Alexanderplatz on me.
146
00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:50,490
Okay, Joe. You win.
147
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,490
How about half pepperoni
and half mushroom?
148
00:05:53,490 --> 00:05:54,490
He cancelled again?
149
00:05:54,490 --> 00:05:56,490
No, his secretary called.
150
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,490
She said that his meeting with
the Hong Kong consortium
151
00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:00,490
ran late.
152
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,500
What the hell's
a consortium, anyway?
153
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,000
Uh, I think it comes from
the Latin "consort,"
154
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,000
meaning one who dumps his date
for business.
155
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:10,500
This sucks.
156
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,010
Tell me about it.
157
00:06:12,010 --> 00:06:15,010
Well, why don't
the three of us do something?
158
00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:16,510
I think I'll pass.
Yeah, me too.
159
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,510
Oh, man, you know,
I remember a time
160
00:06:18,510 --> 00:06:20,510
when the three of us knew how
to have fun together.
161
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,520
Remember when we went to
that political rally
162
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,520
and we just signed that petition
without even reading it?
163
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,520
( sarcastically ):
Yeah, I'm still tingling.
164
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,030
Oh, come on.
165
00:06:31,030 --> 00:06:33,030
Let's get off this rut.
Let's go to Boston.
166
00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:35,030
A city where people
do something.
167
00:06:35,030 --> 00:06:38,030
A city where people drink
for social reasons.
168
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,540
What the hell? Let's go.
Let's do it.
169
00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:43,540
All right. Come on.
Let's go.
170
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:45,540
All right.
Aw, man.
171
00:06:45,540 --> 00:06:47,040
Hey, Joe.
172
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,040
You know, you looked
a little down before.
173
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,040
So I called up Tucker.
174
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,050
Told him that we had to
put the rat-shoot off
175
00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:53,050
till another night.
176
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,050
So I'm all yours.
177
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:59,050
Uh, Lowell, I already kinda
made plans with Brian and Helen.
178
00:07:00,050 --> 00:07:01,560
I see.
179
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:07,060
So I guess I made Tucker cry
for nothing.
180
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,060
Well, that's okay, Joe.
181
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:11,570
You just go off with your
cool friends.
182
00:07:11,570 --> 00:07:14,570
It'll just be me,
some sad music
183
00:07:14,570 --> 00:07:16,570
and a loaded shotgun.
184
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:19,570
Okay. What do you say?
What do you say?
185
00:07:19,570 --> 00:07:21,580
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
186
00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:24,080
All right!
Oh, I finally made it.
187
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,080
You know, you go your whole life
being the odd man out
188
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,080
and then one day
189
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,590
a kind, gracious hand
reaches out to you.
190
00:07:32,590 --> 00:07:34,590
Hey,
where you guys off to?
191
00:07:34,590 --> 00:07:37,590
Oh, for God's sake,
I hope we're not letting him in.
192
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:39,590
( upbeat piano theme playing )
193
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,600
( upbeat piano theme playing )
194
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:52,110
Now, don't go away 'cause we're
gonna have an $8000 question.
195
00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:54,110
Right after this.
196
00:07:54,110 --> 00:07:55,610
All right,
d-don't worry.
197
00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:56,610
We'll get through.
198
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,610
You know what they say.
199
00:07:57,610 --> 00:08:00,610
The 73rd time
is the charm.
200
00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:03,120
Is Brian here?
201
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,120
Uh, no.
He went to Boston.
202
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,620
Damn. Well, when is he
gonna be back?
203
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,620
I don't know, dear.
What's wrong?
204
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:11,130
Oh, well.
We had kind of a fight.
205
00:08:11,130 --> 00:08:12,630
I was hoping to
patch things up with him.
206
00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:16,130
Well, since you're free,
and, uh...
207
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,130
all leathered up.
208
00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:20,640
( chuckles )
209
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,140
Why don't you come over
to my place
210
00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:24,640
and I'll fire up
the old hot tub?
211
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,140
Sounds good.
212
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,640
You bring the towels,
213
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,640
I'll bring
the electric toaster.
214
00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:35,650
I don't ask twice.
215
00:08:35,650 --> 00:08:37,150
I'll be right back.
216
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:41,660
You know, Cochran,
it occurs to me.
217
00:08:41,660 --> 00:08:44,660
With your brains
and my speed dialers,
218
00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:47,660
and 8000 bucks
on the line,
219
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:50,160
what do we need
Mr. Green Card for?
220
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,670
ANTONIO:
I heard that!
I heard that.
221
00:08:52,670 --> 00:08:55,670
Hey, listen, listen,
if you think for one minute
222
00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:59,170
my friend Fay would
squeeze me out of this deal,
223
00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:00,680
you got another thing
coming.
224
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,180
She would never, ever,
ever leave me out--
225
00:09:03,180 --> 00:09:05,180
F-- Jump in
any time here, Fay.
226
00:09:05,180 --> 00:09:06,680
Oh, right.
227
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,180
No, I'm not in
without Antonio.
228
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,680
Oh, all right,
all right.
229
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,190
Can't blame me
for trying. Gee.
230
00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,190
What do we
need him for?
231
00:09:16,190 --> 00:09:17,690
( upbeat piano theme playing )
232
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,710
Come on, Joe.
We've been to two boring bars.
233
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:31,710
We got kicked out of
a night club.
234
00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:33,210
Enough is enough.
Let's go.
235
00:09:33,210 --> 00:09:35,210
Look, Helen, we could've stayed
at that last place
236
00:09:35,210 --> 00:09:37,710
if Lowell hadn't tried to
pass himself off as a Kennedy.
237
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:42,720
Ask not
what your country--
238
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,720
BRIAN, HELEN & JOE:
Shut up!
239
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:49,220
Now, look, that bartender said
there's a great party in 2D.
240
00:09:49,220 --> 00:09:50,730
This is 2D. Let's go.
BRIAN: You know what?
241
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,230
Maybe I should just
call Alex.
242
00:09:52,230 --> 00:09:53,730
I can't get into this.
Look. Come on, Brian.
243
00:09:53,730 --> 00:09:55,230
I can't--
Look, look, there might be
244
00:09:55,230 --> 00:09:57,230
a woman behind that door who
doesn't bust your chops
245
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,730
every time you make
an innocent remark.
246
00:09:58,730 --> 00:09:59,730
There might be
a guy in there
247
00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:01,740
who will actually
show up for a date.
248
00:10:01,740 --> 00:10:02,740
Thanks.
249
00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:05,740
What's behind that door
for me, Joe?
250
00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:06,740
I don't know, Lowell.
251
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:09,240
Maybe there's a big fat rat
and you can kill it.
252
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,250
Cool.
253
00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:14,250
All right, look.
You guys do whatever you want.
254
00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:15,250
I am going in.
255
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:16,250
Excuse me.
256
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,750
( music and chatter )
257
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,260
Well, okay.
For Joe's sake.
258
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:22,760
Yeah,
just for Joe.
259
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:29,760
JOE:
Oh, wow. Hey, didn't I tell you
I'd find you a good time?
260
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,770
Okay, huddle up.
261
00:10:31,770 --> 00:10:34,270
There's attractive women
all over the field, okay?
262
00:10:34,270 --> 00:10:36,770
Joe, you go long.
I'll go short.
263
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:39,270
Helen, you got available guys
here and here.
264
00:10:39,270 --> 00:10:41,280
Lowell, um--
265
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,280
You're on your own.
266
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,280
Okay, break.
267
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:04,300
Well,
that was productive.
268
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:05,800
Oh, you're telling me.
269
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:06,800
I got
three business cards
270
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,300
and an appointment
with a podiatrist.
271
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,810
Come on, come on.
We're here to have a good time.
272
00:11:11,810 --> 00:11:12,810
Who's thirsty?
273
00:11:12,810 --> 00:11:13,810
( sighs ):
Beer me.
274
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:15,810
Wouldn't mind
a beer too, Joe.
275
00:11:15,810 --> 00:11:17,810
Here's to good friends.
276
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,810
It just doesn't get
any better than this.
277
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,820
Hey, do you want to
meet him? You do? No, no. Shh.
278
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,830
Hi. You alone?
279
00:11:34,830 --> 00:11:37,330
JOE:
It, uh, doesn't have to be
that way, you know.
280
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,330
The person
you're looking for
281
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:39,830
could be standing
right in front of you.
282
00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:43,840
Uh, look, I should tell you
that I'm not...gay.
283
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,340
( chuckling ):
Oh, I'm not gay.
I'm talking about her.
284
00:11:46,340 --> 00:11:47,840
I'm not gay.
285
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,340
Ah.
286
00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:52,350
( chuckling ):
Well, as long as
that's all settled.
287
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:53,850
I'm Ted.
288
00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:55,350
Hi, I'm Helen.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
289
00:11:55,350 --> 00:11:57,350
You can thank me
later.
290
00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:00,350
Well, I finally found out
what you do well:
291
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,360
pick up guys.
292
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,860
That's funny.
293
00:12:03,860 --> 00:12:05,860
You better hope I leave some
of these women for you.
294
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:07,860
No way, man. Count me out.
I'm-- I'm not doing this.
295
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,360
I'm not gonna cheat
on Alex.
296
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,870
I'm just not gonna--
Oh, excuse me. Sorry.
297
00:12:11,870 --> 00:12:12,870
Well, hello.
298
00:12:12,870 --> 00:12:14,370
( chuckles )
299
00:12:14,370 --> 00:12:17,870
Look, uh, I don't want to
sound full of myself,
300
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:21,880
but I know what
"well, hello" means and, uh--
301
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,380
Before this gets
any further
302
00:12:23,380 --> 00:12:26,880
I think you should know
that I'm involved in, uh...
303
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,380
the casting of
a major motion picture...
304
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,390
I think you'd actually
be perfect for.
305
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,890
( upbeat piano theme playing )
306
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,400
I couldn't help noticing you
sitting over her.
307
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,900
I just love
piano music.
308
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,900
Hey, who doesn't?
309
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,910
So, uh, can you play something
just for me?
310
00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:54,410
Me?
Mm-hm.
311
00:12:54,410 --> 00:12:57,410
Uh, I think I can.
312
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,410
( playing theme from
Entertainment Tonight )
313
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:09,920
That's the theme from
Entertainment Tonight.
314
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,430
Do you know anything
classical?
315
00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:14,430
Classical. Hmm.
316
00:13:14,430 --> 00:13:17,430
I think I do.
317
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,930
( playing theme from
Entertainment Tonight
with flourishes )
318
00:13:35,450 --> 00:13:36,950
How you doing?
319
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,950
Thought you might like
another drink.
320
00:13:38,950 --> 00:13:40,450
Thank you.
That's very nice.
321
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:41,960
What's your name?
322
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,960
Joe.
Joe Hackett.
323
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,960
I'm Deidre.
It's nice to meet you.
324
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:46,960
Nice to meet you too.
325
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,460
Look, uh--
326
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,460
Hope this doesn't sound like
a really bad line,
327
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:52,970
but you are gorgeous.
328
00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:56,970
How bad can it be?
It's working.
329
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,470
So you're a pilot,
huh?
330
00:13:58,470 --> 00:13:59,970
Yeah,
at your service.
331
00:13:59,970 --> 00:14:01,980
Fly you anywhere
you want to go. Heh.
332
00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:04,980
How about my place?
It's right upstairs.
333
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,480
Would you excuse me
for a minute?
334
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,980
Mm-hm.
335
00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:16,490
Joe. Joe, c-could I talk to you
for a second.
336
00:14:16,490 --> 00:14:17,990
Just excuse me
one second.
337
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:18,990
I'll be right back.
Don't go.
338
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:19,990
What, what?
339
00:14:19,990 --> 00:14:20,990
( sighs )
340
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,500
I got
a real problem here, man.
341
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,500
This woman
is all over me.
342
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000
Oh, man. I got
the same problem over here.
343
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,500
What will we do?
344
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:33,010
No, come on. Stop it.
I'm being serious.
345
00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:36,510
I don't want to cheat
on Alex.
346
00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:38,510
Then you're right.
You do have a problem.
347
00:14:40,510 --> 00:14:44,020
( jazzy version of theme from
Entertainment Tonight
playing on piano )
348
00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:47,520
Hey, Jane Fonda.
Fifty-five years young today.
349
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,520
Hold on a second.
350
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,030
Don't you know
any other songs?
351
00:14:53,030 --> 00:14:54,530
Well,
to be honest with you,
352
00:14:54,530 --> 00:14:57,030
I didn't even know
I knew this one.
353
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,030
( playing theme from
Entertainment Tonight )
354
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:01,030
All right,
look, Sheila.
355
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:04,540
If we go back to your place,
you know what's gonna happen.
356
00:15:04,540 --> 00:15:06,040
I have
a pretty good idea.
357
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:10,540
Well, um, I'm gonna end up
telling you about my girlfriend.
358
00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:12,050
Boy,
was I wrong.
359
00:15:12,050 --> 00:15:14,550
No, no, no, l--
Sheila.
360
00:15:14,550 --> 00:15:15,550
Don't get me wrong.
361
00:15:15,550 --> 00:15:18,050
It's not that I don't find you
attractive. I--
362
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,550
I do.
363
00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:24,060
It's just that if I go back
to your apartment,
364
00:15:24,060 --> 00:15:26,060
in a weird way
365
00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:27,560
it would be impossible
366
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,570
to not have my girlfriend
right there with me.
367
00:15:31,570 --> 00:15:33,570
That's not so weird.
Bring her along.
368
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:40,070
Is there anything I could
say to you to turn you off?
369
00:15:40,070 --> 00:15:43,580
Yeah,
that you don't have $300.
370
00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:44,580
Yeah, but I mean,
why would I need--?
371
00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,580
Unless you're a...
372
00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:52,590
Well, I am.
373
00:15:52,590 --> 00:15:54,590
You're a...
374
00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:55,590
hooker.
375
00:15:55,590 --> 00:15:58,590
( chuckles )
376
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:01,600
Uh, I prefer call girl,
but yeah.
377
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,600
All the girls here are.
378
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,100
Look, I don't mean
to get personal,
379
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:13,110
but do your parents know
what you do for a living?
380
00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:15,110
Um, well,
of course they do.
381
00:16:15,110 --> 00:16:17,110
Actually, I took the business
over from my mother.
382
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:20,610
Your mother?
383
00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:21,620
Uh, yeah.
384
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:23,620
She actually taught me
everything I know.
385
00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:25,120
( both chuckle )
386
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,620
So, um, Deidre,
what do you do?
387
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,120
( chuckles )
388
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,120
What do you think I do?
389
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,630
I'm a party girl.
390
00:16:31,630 --> 00:16:33,130
Well, hey,
I'm a party guy.
391
00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:36,630
( both laugh )
392
00:16:36,630 --> 00:16:39,130
You know, Joe,
I'm wildly attracted to you.
393
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:42,140
What do you say we get
out of here and go to my place?
394
00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:44,640
Really?
Mm. Really.
395
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:46,640
Joe, could I talk to you
for a sec?
396
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:47,640
No, not right now.
397
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:48,640
She wants me.
398
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:49,640
Yeah, I know.
No, you don't.
399
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,150
I mean,
she really wants me.
400
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:52,650
Come on.
No, hey. Come on.
401
00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:53,650
Would you
leave me alone?
402
00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:55,150
I found this great girl.
403
00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:56,650
She's smart
and she's funny.
404
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:59,150
She's--
She's a hooker.
405
00:16:59,150 --> 00:17:01,150
Not my Deidre.
406
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:05,660
Joey, for $300
she's anybody's Deidre.
407
00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:08,660
These girls:
they're all professionals.
408
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,160
Are you sure?
409
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,170
Have you ever done this well
in your life?
410
00:17:14,670 --> 00:17:16,170
Oh, damn!
411
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,670
JOE:
Oh, my God.
412
00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:21,180
That must mean
that Helen's guy
413
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:23,180
thinks that she's a...
414
00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:25,180
Do you know what
I'd really like to do?
415
00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:26,180
What?
416
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:27,180
No, I don't think
I can say it.
417
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,680
Oh, sure you can.
418
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,690
Well, all right.
419
00:17:31,690 --> 00:17:34,190
I'd like you to dress up
like Little Bo-peep...
420
00:17:35,690 --> 00:17:37,190
hog-tie me
to the bedpost,
421
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:40,190
and spank me for being the bad,
bad boy that I am.
422
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:49,200
Excuse me?
423
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,200
Well, I know the going rate
for you girls is $300,
424
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,710
but for this I'm willing to
up it to five.
425
00:17:53,710 --> 00:17:56,210
Oh, my God.
That is the most disgu--
426
00:17:56,210 --> 00:17:58,210
Five-hundred dollars?
427
00:18:00,210 --> 00:18:01,210
What do you
take me for?
428
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,220
Joe, you know what this guy
just said to me?
429
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:05,220
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I have a pretty good idea.
430
00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:06,720
What's
going on here?
431
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,220
Uh, listen,
why don't you try Deidre?
432
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,720
I think she's just your type.
Come on. Let's go.
433
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:13,230
Gosh, I can't believe--
Five-hundred dollars?
434
00:18:14,230 --> 00:18:15,730
Lowell, Lowell.
Come on. Come on
435
00:18:15,730 --> 00:18:17,230
We got to get outta here.
Come on.
436
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,230
Hey, Brian, do you know
what kind of party this is?
437
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:21,230
Yeah, I do.
Let's go.
438
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,240
And you know
what all these girls are?
439
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,240
Yeah, I do.
Let's go.
440
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,240
All right, well,
I just have one question:
441
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,740
how long has Helen been
a hooker?
442
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,240
( upbeat piano theme playing )
443
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:35,750
( easy listening music playing
on radio )
444
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:42,260
Okay, we're looking for
caller number nine.
445
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:47,260
Those boards are lighting up.
It's ringing.
446
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,260
Eight, nine.
It's ringing.
447
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:49,760
And your name is?
448
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,270
It's me. It's me.
Antonio Scarpacci
449
00:18:52,270 --> 00:18:57,770
Caller number nine is
Antonio Scarpacci.
450
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,270
Okay, Antonio.
451
00:18:59,270 --> 00:19:02,280
For $12,000 cash,
452
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,280
are you ready for
your question?
453
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,280
No, no, no, not yet.
Fay's not here.
454
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:07,780
Roy, get Fay.
455
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,280
She-- She went out to the car
to get her knitting.
456
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,280
Sorry,
no time to wait.
457
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,790
Your question is:
458
00:19:12,790 --> 00:19:17,290
Who is known as the father
of Impressionism?
459
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,790
Oh, no.
460
00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:22,800
It's okay.
I know this one.
461
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,300
The father
of Impressionism is...
462
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,300
Rich Little.
463
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:33,310
Rich Little?
What an idiot.
464
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:34,310
( foghorn on radio )
465
00:19:34,310 --> 00:19:35,810
I'm sorry.
466
00:19:35,810 --> 00:19:39,310
The correct answer
is Claude Monet.
467
00:19:40,810 --> 00:19:43,320
Way to go,
Answer Man.
468
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:46,320
Rich Little?!
Are you out of your mind?
469
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,820
We spent the whole night
trying to get through!
470
00:19:49,820 --> 00:19:51,830
I have had it
with this stupid contest.
471
00:19:51,830 --> 00:19:52,830
I'm going home.
472
00:19:52,830 --> 00:19:53,830
Oh.
Huh.
473
00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:55,330
Well, there's six hours
of my life
474
00:19:55,330 --> 00:19:57,330
I'll never get back.
475
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,330
I can't believe
you said
476
00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:01,840
the father of Impressionism
was Rich Little!
477
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,840
Hey, I have been to Vegas
dozens of times.
478
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,340
I never heard of
this Monet guy.
479
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:07,840
Oh!
480
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,350
( sighs )
481
00:20:12,350 --> 00:20:13,850
I can't believe
he thought I was a hooker.
482
00:20:13,850 --> 00:20:15,850
Huh, me neither.
And of all the insulting--
483
00:20:15,850 --> 00:20:17,850
Uh, excuse me
just a second.
484
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,850
If I wanted to make
a living as a hooker,
485
00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:22,360
I could make
a very good one.
486
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:23,860
If I wanted to.
487
00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:24,860
ALEX:
Oh, you're back.
488
00:20:24,860 --> 00:20:26,860
Um, Helen,
did you see Davis out there?
489
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,360
What?
490
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,360
Yeah, he felt bad so he
cancelled his business
491
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,370
and he hired a jet
and flew here to be with you.
492
00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:34,370
I guess you must have
missed him.
493
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:38,370
Did you hear that,
Joe?
494
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:40,870
I could have been here
having dinner with him,
495
00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:43,380
but no, you had to
drag me off to...
496
00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:45,880
the best little whorehouse
in Boston.
497
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,880
Thanks a lot, Joe.
498
00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:50,380
Where's Brian?
Oh, he's out
499
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:51,890
putting the plane away
with Lowell.
500
00:20:51,890 --> 00:20:53,890
He'll be here
any minute.
501
00:20:53,890 --> 00:20:57,390
So, Joe,
I-I talked to Tucker,
502
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,390
and you know what?
503
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,390
He went out on the rat-shoot
without me,
504
00:21:00,390 --> 00:21:03,400
and he bagged
a 20 pounder.
505
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,400
And where was I?
506
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,400
Ooh, I was off at a party
with you
507
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,400
and beautiful,
easy women.
508
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,400
( angrily ):
Thanks a lot, Joe.
509
00:21:14,410 --> 00:21:15,910
Do you believe all this?
510
00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:17,910
I try to show these people
a good time
511
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:19,910
and this is
the thanks I get.
512
00:21:19,910 --> 00:21:22,420
Oh, Alex, Alex.
There you are.
513
00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:23,920
Oh, man.
I'm so glad you're back.
514
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:25,420
Listen,
515
00:21:25,420 --> 00:21:27,420
that fight
we had before--
516
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:30,420
It was stupid.
It was all my fault.
517
00:21:30,420 --> 00:21:31,420
Trust me.
518
00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:32,430
I mean,
519
00:21:32,430 --> 00:21:34,430
all night long
everything I did,
520
00:21:34,430 --> 00:21:36,430
everywhere I went,
521
00:21:36,430 --> 00:21:39,430
every girl I met
reminded me of you.
522
00:21:39,430 --> 00:21:41,940
Aw.
Even the hookers?
523
00:21:41,940 --> 00:21:43,440
Even--
524
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,440
( upbeat piano theme playing )
525
00:21:50,710 --> 00:22:02,460
( upbeat piano theme playing )
37293
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