Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,640 --> 00:00:03,640
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:05,140 --> 00:00:07,140
Can you believe this?
3
00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:09,640
I just got my new
driver's license.
4
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:11,650
I look like a terrorist.
5
00:00:11,650 --> 00:00:13,650
Oh. T-that is a bad picture.
6
00:00:13,650 --> 00:00:15,650
Nah. I can top that.
Look.
7
00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:17,650
My eyes are shut.
I look like I'm dead.
8
00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:19,150
Oh, oh, oh.
I'd take dead.
9
00:00:19,150 --> 00:00:21,160
I look like
I've just been exhumed.
10
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,160
( chuckles )
11
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:23,660
I've got you all beat.
Here.
12
00:00:23,660 --> 00:00:25,160
This has got to be, by far,
13
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,160
the ugliest driver's license
picture ever.
14
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,160
Ugh.
Ooh. We have a winner.
15
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,170
Yep. You win.
16
00:00:31,170 --> 00:00:33,670
That is the worst.
17
00:00:33,670 --> 00:00:35,170
Hey. Morning.
18
00:00:35,170 --> 00:00:36,670
Oh, morning.
Hey, Joe, Joe, Joe.
19
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:39,170
You left your wallet on
the kitchen table this morning.
20
00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:42,680
Oh, wow. Oh, man, thanks,
I owe you one.
21
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:43,680
Hey.
22
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:45,680
( upbeat piano theme playing )
23
00:00:54,190 --> 00:00:56,690
Helen, these cranberry muffins
are delicious.
24
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,190
Mm. And this jelly
is wonderful.
25
00:00:59,190 --> 00:01:01,200
I never realized
all the incredible things
26
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,700
you could with cranberries.
27
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:06,700
Oh, yeah?
Try the cranburger.
28
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,700
Well, I was just trying
to get in the spirit
29
00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:11,210
of the cranberry festival.
You know, Antonio and I went out
30
00:01:11,210 --> 00:01:13,210
and gathered them ourselves
yesterday.
31
00:01:13,210 --> 00:01:15,210
Oh. Did you use
a frilly little basket
32
00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:17,210
and skip across the meadow?
33
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:20,210
Hey, I spent a lovely day
34
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:24,220
watching several beautiful women
bend over, so lay off.
35
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,230
Um, I don't mean to be rude,
dear, but you look like hell.
36
00:01:32,230 --> 00:01:33,730
Well, I was up all night.
37
00:01:33,730 --> 00:01:36,230
I was waiting for Davis to call.
38
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:39,230
I waited and I waited, and I got
tired of waiting alone,
39
00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:42,240
so I figured I'd wait
with a couple of my friends:
40
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,740
Ben and Jerry.
41
00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:45,740
Now that you mention it,
42
00:01:45,740 --> 00:01:48,740
you do look as if you might have
put on a pound or two.
43
00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:50,750
You do look a little chunkier.
44
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:52,250
Does anyone else
have any opinions
45
00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:53,750
that they'd care to share?
46
00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:55,250
Well, as long as you're asking,
yeah.
47
00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:56,750
I don't think this guy's
any good for you.
48
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,750
One date, you're already
jumping through hoops.
49
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:02,260
Well, it would have to be
one mighty big hoop.
50
00:02:05,260 --> 00:02:06,760
( phone rings )
I'll get it.
51
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,760
Lunch counter.
52
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:10,770
It's the jerk.
53
00:02:12,270 --> 00:02:15,270
Davis. Hey.
54
00:02:15,270 --> 00:02:18,770
Tonight?
Oh, of course I'm not busy.
55
00:02:18,770 --> 00:02:20,780
All right, I'd love to.
56
00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:22,780
Okay. Bye-bye.
57
00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:26,780
I can't believe you're
gonna be here in four hours.
58
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,780
Oh, God, I can't believe he's
gonna be here in four hours.
59
00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:31,790
Okay. Okay, okay, let me think.
I'm gonna get my hair done.
60
00:02:31,790 --> 00:02:34,790
I need to get some dinner
reservations. I've got--
61
00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:35,790
You've got to relax.
Right.
62
00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:37,290
Right.
I'm just a little nervous.
63
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:38,790
We're finally going out
on our second date.
64
00:02:38,790 --> 00:02:40,800
I want it to be perfect.
JOE: Don't worry.
65
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,300
Everything's gonna work out.
'Cause he's not gonna show.
66
00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:45,300
He's gonna call and cancel
like he did the last five times.
67
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:47,800
Oh, man. He's not gonna call
and cancel.
68
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:48,800
Thank you, Brian.
69
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,310
Twenty bucks he sends flowers
and a kiss-off note.
70
00:02:54,310 --> 00:02:56,310
No, no, no, he's gonna fax her
from the plane.
71
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,310
Have his secretary call.
72
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:58,810
Message on her machine.
73
00:02:58,810 --> 00:03:01,820
Female impersonator
with a singing telegram.
74
00:03:04,820 --> 00:03:07,320
I can't believe you guys
are betting against my date.
75
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,320
You're all wrong.
He's gonna show up.
76
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,330
Yeah. All I have to do
is to get something to wear.
77
00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:14,830
Yeah, I think this date
will go off without a hitch.
78
00:03:14,830 --> 00:03:16,330
Oh, you're right, it will.
I'll tell you what.
79
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,330
Why don't I take you shopping?
Hm.
80
00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:19,330
And you put down that doughnut
81
00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:21,840
or we'll have to take you
to the big girl's store.
82
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,340
Okay.
Everything's gonna be fine.
83
00:03:24,340 --> 00:03:26,840
I've got a good feeling
about you and this young man.
84
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,840
( mouth full ):
Thanks, Fay. Okay, let's go.
85
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,850
FAY:
I'll be right with you, dear.
86
00:03:30,850 --> 00:03:34,350
Twenty bucks
he sends a candy gram.
87
00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:35,850
( upbeat piano theme playing )
88
00:03:39,850 --> 00:03:42,360
Uh, Roy, I've been curious.
89
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,360
Exactly what is the history
90
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:47,360
behind our lovely
cranberry festival?
91
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,360
Oh, it's a beautiful story.
92
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,370
Long ago,
on a brisk fall afternoon,
93
00:03:53,370 --> 00:03:55,370
the city fathers got together
and decided
94
00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:57,370
that between Labor Day
and Christmas,
95
00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,880
we needed a way
to suck in the tourists.
96
00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:03,880
Excuse me.
97
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,380
I'm going to go kick myself
for asking.
98
00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,880
Hey, Helen,
I heard about Davis.
99
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,890
Did you do something
to your hair? It looks great.
100
00:04:11,890 --> 00:04:12,890
Yeah, I just got highlights
put in,
101
00:04:12,890 --> 00:04:14,390
and I just got
these new shoes.
102
00:04:14,390 --> 00:04:16,890
Oh, I love those.
They look really uncomfortable.
103
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,390
Yeah,
they're a little tight,
104
00:04:18,390 --> 00:04:19,890
but they go perfectly
with this new dress.
105
00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:22,400
Which looks really small.
Yeah, it's a little tight,
106
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,900
but it goes perfectly
with the shoes.
107
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:26,400
I-I may be stupid,
108
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,900
but why would anybody ever buy
a dress that doesn't fit?
109
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:30,910
Well, after she loses
a few pounds,
110
00:04:30,910 --> 00:04:32,410
she doesn't want it
to be too big.
111
00:04:32,410 --> 00:04:34,910
But if it is too big, you could
always wear it as a tunic, uh,
112
00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:36,410
with some tights.
Oh, yeah. Or you could take
113
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:37,910
the belt from
your plaid suit
114
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:39,910
and cinch it in at the waist.
And cinch it in.
115
00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:41,920
That'd be great.
Suddenly outnumbered,
116
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,420
the male of the species
runs to warn the others.
117
00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:49,420
Oh, hey, Chapel, you got
a message while you were gone.
118
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:51,430
Oh, no. Davis canceled,
didn't he?
119
00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:53,430
That louse.
120
00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:55,430
Uh, not that it matters,
but, um,
121
00:04:55,430 --> 00:04:58,430
did he call
or send a candy gram?
122
00:04:58,430 --> 00:05:01,940
No, it was La Maison
about your dinner reservations.
123
00:05:01,940 --> 00:05:03,940
No can do.
Oh, no.
124
00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:05,440
All the other restaurants
are booked
125
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,440
'cause of the stupid
cranberry festival.
126
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,940
Helen. Ah, Helen, relax.
127
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:11,950
I'll get you in to La Maison.
128
00:05:11,950 --> 00:05:13,450
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
129
00:05:13,450 --> 00:05:15,450
I have a way with the French.
130
00:05:15,450 --> 00:05:17,450
You know,
you drop a few names,
131
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,950
you'd be surprised
at the results you can get.
132
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:22,960
Hello, hello.
133
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,960
( speaks in French )
134
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,960
I'm on hold.
135
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,470
Lowell, I didn't know
you were bilingual.
136
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:32,470
Oh, I'm not. I'm just
being friendly to the guy
137
00:05:32,470 --> 00:05:35,470
because I need a table.
138
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:38,970
Ah, oui, monsieur.
139
00:05:38,970 --> 00:05:43,480
S'il vous plaît un table
pour Jacques Cousteau
140
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,480
et Catherine Deneuve?
141
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,980
Non?
142
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:52,490
Gérard Depardieu
et Catherine Deneuve?
143
00:05:52,490 --> 00:05:53,990
Non?
144
00:05:53,990 --> 00:05:57,990
How about Gérard Depardieu
and Jacques Cousteau?
145
00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:58,990
Non?
146
00:05:58,990 --> 00:06:01,000
Et vous aussi idiote.
147
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,000
( spitting )
148
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,000
Hello? Hello?
149
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,000
Not getting a table, am I?
150
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,510
Please. Catherine Deneuve
couldn't even get a table.
151
00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:15,010
Here I go. Start scratching
every time I get nervous.
152
00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:16,510
Okay.
153
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,010
Davis is gonna be here
in two hours.
154
00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:20,520
What am I gonna do?
155
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,020
Okay, I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this.
156
00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:24,020
I can do this.
Let me think.
157
00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:25,520
Got it. Lowell.
158
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,020
You're a great cook.
Do you think you can help me out
159
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,520
and come over to my house
and cook dinner for us?
160
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,030
I only have two hours.
( scoffs )
161
00:06:31,030 --> 00:06:33,530
Helen, I could never prepare
anything
162
00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:36,530
that would live up
to my standards in two hours.
163
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:39,030
Well, can you do something
to live up to my standards?
164
00:06:39,030 --> 00:06:42,040
Sure. And I'd even have time
for a snooze.
165
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,540
Great. Thanks a lot.
You're a real lifesaver.
166
00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:46,040
Okay, get movin'.
Clock's a tickin'.
167
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,040
Okay, okay.
See, Helen?
168
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,040
Everything's gonna be okay.
169
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,550
You're right.
I better get moving.
170
00:06:51,550 --> 00:06:53,050
WOMAN:
Helen.
171
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,050
HELEN:
Stella?
172
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:56,550
What are you doing here?
173
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:57,550
Dominick and I broke up?
174
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,550
He's been seeing other women
again.
175
00:06:59,550 --> 00:07:01,060
Oh, Stella.
176
00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:02,060
Alex, this is Stella.
Stella, Alex.
177
00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:04,060
She's my friend from New York.
Nice to meet you.
178
00:07:04,060 --> 00:07:05,560
Helen, remember when you said
Yeah.
179
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,560
if I ever needed
someone to talk to?
Right.
180
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,060
Well, I hope you don't have
any plans for tonight,
181
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:13,070
because I really need someone
to talk to.
182
00:07:13,070 --> 00:07:15,070
( sobbing ):
Oh, Helen.
183
00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:16,570
Tonight?
Yeah.
184
00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:21,580
Oh, Stella.
185
00:07:21,580 --> 00:07:23,580
( upbeat piano theme playing )
186
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,580
( upbeat piano theme playing )
187
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,090
( sobbing )
188
00:07:32,090 --> 00:07:34,090
Oh, Stella,
189
00:07:34,090 --> 00:07:36,090
you know how much
that I care for you,
190
00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:39,090
but, um, listen.
191
00:07:39,090 --> 00:07:40,600
Uh, I think you should go home
192
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,600
and patch things up
with your boyfriend.
193
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,600
No.
194
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,600
I have to stay away from him.
195
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,600
But I can't be alone.
I'm a mess.
196
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,110
I need.
197
00:07:54,610 --> 00:07:56,110
Oh.
Oh, now, now.
198
00:07:56,110 --> 00:07:59,110
Now, eating for comfort's
only gonna make it worse.
199
00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:02,120
Oh, no. Don't you remember?
I have to eat like this
200
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,120
or I have trouble
keeping my weight on.
201
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,620
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
202
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:11,130
Okay, um, listen.
Stella, about tonight--
203
00:08:11,130 --> 00:08:13,630
Yeah, can we go somewhere
and talk?
204
00:08:13,630 --> 00:08:15,630
Oh, y-- We can. We--
Talk is good.
205
00:08:15,630 --> 00:08:18,630
But, you know,
it just occurred to me
206
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:21,140
that maybe I know someone
who might be more helpful.
207
00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:22,140
Really? Who?
208
00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:23,640
Oh. Wait right here.
209
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,140
Oh, my God.
210
00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:34,650
It is her.
211
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:40,150
The Slick and Speedy
motor oil girl.
212
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:43,160
Oh. You know my work?
213
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,660
My name's Stella.
214
00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:46,660
Wow, you're a model?
215
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,660
Whoa, yes you are.
216
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:52,170
Could you sign this for me?
217
00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:54,170
Sure, I'd be flattered.
218
00:08:54,170 --> 00:08:55,670
Just write,
"To Roy,
219
00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:58,170
thanks for the most incredible
night of my life."
220
00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:00,680
Yeah.
221
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:02,180
If you really wanna
make it realistic,
222
00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:03,680
write in tiny letters
at the corner,
223
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:06,180
"Help me,
I'm trapped in his basement."
224
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,180
Thanks.
I can't wait to tell
225
00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:10,690
my buddies down at the lodge
I met you.
226
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,190
Hey, can I see that?
227
00:09:12,190 --> 00:09:14,690
Okay, but don't smudge
the good parts.
228
00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:16,190
Wow, December.
229
00:09:16,190 --> 00:09:17,690
Boy, it must have been
awful cold
230
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:20,190
sitting on that snowmobile
in just that little bikini, huh?
231
00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:22,700
Whoa! No need to answer
that one, huh?
232
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,700
( both chuckle )
233
00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:27,200
Hey, Slick and Speedy.
234
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,700
Her name is Stella.
235
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:31,210
I was talking to you.
236
00:09:32,710 --> 00:09:36,210
You know, I'm a grown man.
I can look at this if I want to.
237
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,710
I just don't want to.
238
00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:47,220
Oh, come on, Joe.
You have to help me.
239
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,220
I need.
240
00:09:49,220 --> 00:09:50,730
No. No, Helen. No way.
241
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,730
Just 'cause you have a date
doesn't mean you can dump
242
00:09:52,730 --> 00:09:54,230
some emotional wreck on me.
243
00:09:54,230 --> 00:09:55,730
Did I mention
Stella's gorgeous?
244
00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:56,730
( scoffs ):
Oh, yeah, right.
245
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,730
Sure she is. Whenever a woman
says another woman is gorgeous,
246
00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:02,240
she usually has an underbite
like a Lhasa apso.
247
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:06,240
Uh-uh. Forget it, no. I'm tired
of being Mr. There-For-Everyone.
248
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,740
Helen.
249
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:10,740
Oh, Stella.
Stella, hi. Joe Hackett.
250
00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:14,250
Helen was just telling me
what you're going through.
251
00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:15,750
You poor thing.
Listen, um,
252
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:17,750
why don't we get together
and have dinner tonight?
253
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,750
We can talk about it.
I get off at 7.
254
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,260
Great. Pick her up at 7:30.
255
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,260
Helen, Helen, menu's all set.
Yeah.
256
00:10:25,260 --> 00:10:26,760
Great.
Who's this?
257
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,760
Oh, this is my friend Stella,
from New York. Lowell.
258
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,270
I can't work under
these conditions. I quit.
259
00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:32,770
Wait. Wait, why?
Because you said
260
00:10:32,770 --> 00:10:34,270
there was only gonna be
two for dinner.
261
00:10:34,270 --> 00:10:36,770
Did you think her meal was just
gonna magically appear?
262
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,770
Lowell, she's not eating.
263
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:40,270
Oh, nice hostess.
264
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:42,780
Listen, you come around
to the back door,
265
00:10:42,780 --> 00:10:45,280
I'll fix you a little plate.
266
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,780
ALEX:
Helen.
Yes.
267
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:48,780
You're scratching again.
268
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:50,280
You need to relax.
269
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:51,290
Come with me to the gym.
270
00:10:51,290 --> 00:10:53,290
Thirty minutes on
the StairMaster, a nice swim--
271
00:10:53,290 --> 00:10:55,790
Oh, like I have time
to do that.
272
00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:56,790
You can sweat off
a few pounds.
273
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:57,790
Good point. Let's go.
274
00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,790
All right.
I'll meet you there.
275
00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:02,300
Okay. Come on, Stella.
Helen, I've gotta get sleep.
276
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:05,300
Okay. Okay.
277
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,800
Okay. Got it.
278
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,800
Lowell, take my keys.
279
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:13,810
You go home, get dinner started,
and give Stella a lift.
280
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:17,310
Oh, great. First I'm the chef,
then I'm the chauffer.
281
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,810
What's next?
Watering the polo ponies.
282
00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:23,320
Don't I know you from somewhere?
283
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:24,820
I'm the Slick and Speedy
girl.
284
00:11:24,820 --> 00:11:27,320
Heh-heh. You know,
I appreciate your candor,
285
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,830
but quite frankly, I like a
little more mystery in a woman.
286
00:11:33,330 --> 00:11:34,830
Hey, girl, how you doing?
Hey.
287
00:11:34,830 --> 00:11:36,830
You know what? I'm just
handling everything great.
288
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,330
Really.
Davis'll be here soon.
289
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:39,830
Got my hair done,
got a new dress.
290
00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:42,340
Stella's taken care of.
Lowell's cooking for me.
291
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:43,340
I have time for a workout.
292
00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:45,340
Everything's going great.
Thanks.
293
00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:46,840
Great.
294
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,340
Oh, God.
Everything's not going fine.
295
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,840
I just gave Lowell
my car keys.
296
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,350
Look, just calm down.
Get a grip, okay, Helen?
297
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:53,850
Here, you can borrow mine.
Okay.
298
00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:55,350
Oh, thank y--
299
00:11:55,350 --> 00:11:57,850
Heh! Hey, hey, you remember
when we were kids,
300
00:11:57,850 --> 00:11:59,350
and we used to play
"keep away,"
301
00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:00,350
and remember I used to go
like this?
302
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:02,360
Oh, yeah, and I used to go
like this?
Oh!
303
00:12:03,860 --> 00:12:05,860
Yeah, I forgot that part.
304
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:07,860
( upbeat piano theme playing )
305
00:12:11,870 --> 00:12:14,370
Oh. Of all the places
I could have taken a breather,
306
00:12:14,370 --> 00:12:16,370
I picked the racquetball court?
307
00:12:16,370 --> 00:12:19,370
Oh, God. Look at my eye.
308
00:12:19,370 --> 00:12:21,880
Helen, trust me. It's nothing.
It's hardly noticeable.
309
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:22,880
Really?
Yeah.
310
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,880
My God! Look at your eye!
311
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,380
( upbeat piano theme playing )
312
00:12:32,390 --> 00:12:34,890
( upbeat piano theme playing )
313
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:40,890
There you go. See?
I told you.
314
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,900
With makeup,
that eye looks much better.
315
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,900
Really?
LOWELL: Absolutely.
316
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:47,900
You know, you dim the lights,
that eye looks almost human.
317
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,910
Okay, now,
this is not gonna be a problem.
318
00:12:51,910 --> 00:12:53,910
I mean, it's gonna look fine,
and it's no big deal.
319
00:12:53,910 --> 00:12:55,410
This'll be fine.
Right, right.
320
00:12:55,410 --> 00:12:58,410
And once you put your hair down,
Davis won't notice anything.
321
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:01,420
Oh, yeah. How's this?
322
00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:02,420
Oh, G--
323
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,420
What? What is it?
324
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,920
Aaagh! Oh, God!
My hair. It's green.
325
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,430
You know,
on the plus side, though,
326
00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:14,430
it'll draw attention
away from the eye.
327
00:13:15,430 --> 00:13:16,930
Alex, how did this happen?
328
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,930
Um, maybe your new highlights
329
00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:20,930
reacted with the chlorine
in the pool.
330
00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:23,940
"Come to the gym. A good swim
will make you feel better."
331
00:13:23,940 --> 00:13:25,440
Thanks a lot, Alex.
Come on, Helen.
332
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:26,440
You can deal with this.
333
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,440
You're feisty,
you're resourceful.
334
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,440
I'm green. Okay.
335
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,450
Let's see. Davis is gonna
be here any minute.
336
00:13:32,450 --> 00:13:34,450
Um, what am I gonna do?
337
00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:35,950
Okay, I got it.
Um...
338
00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:37,950
You set the table.
I'm gonna go upstairs.
339
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:39,950
I'm gonna dye this out.
I'm gonna put on my dress.
340
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,460
I'm gonna check on Stella
while I'm up there,
341
00:13:41,460 --> 00:13:43,460
and everything will be fine.
Right. Just relax.
342
00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:45,460
Oh, I'm relaxed.
343
00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:46,960
( doorbell rings )
344
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,460
( gasps ):
Oh, no, it's Davis.
345
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,460
Hoh-hoh, dinner's not ready.
346
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:51,470
Stall him.
347
00:13:54,970 --> 00:13:56,470
It's just Brian.
348
00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,970
Ah, nice to see you too.
349
00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:00,470
I don't mean it like that.
350
00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:01,980
It's just that things
are a little crazy.
351
00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:03,480
Sure. I'll get out of here
as soon as I can.
352
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,480
As soon as I find my keys.
I gave them to Helen.
Oh.
353
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:06,980
Um, Helen,
where are Brian's keys?
354
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,480
HELEN:
I don't know, down there.
355
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,980
Just look around.
356
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:11,490
BRIAN:
Whoa.
357
00:14:11,490 --> 00:14:13,490
Klaatu, barada, nikto.
358
00:14:15,490 --> 00:14:17,990
Very, very, very funny.
They're right down--
359
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:19,990
They're not. Okay. Okay.
360
00:14:19,990 --> 00:14:22,000
Let's find Brian's keys
and get him out of here.
361
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,000
We'll find his keys,
you go upstairs and get ready.
362
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000
It's not a problem.
Okay, not a problem.
363
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,510
Mm.
364
00:14:33,010 --> 00:14:35,510
All right. Hold it.
Don't move.
365
00:14:35,510 --> 00:14:39,510
All right, somebody took
a crab-filled snow pea.
366
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,020
Was it you?
367
00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:45,520
( mouth full ):
No.
368
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,520
Come on, give.
369
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,030
Come on.
370
00:14:55,030 --> 00:14:58,030
Well, nobody's gonna want
this one now.
371
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:00,530
( doorbell rings )
372
00:15:00,530 --> 00:15:02,540
Oh, no! It's Davis.
373
00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:03,540
Well, dinner's not ready.
374
00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:05,040
Stall him.
375
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,540
It's just Roy.
376
00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:11,050
HELEN:
What is he doing here?
377
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,050
I wanna get a picture
with Stella.
Forget it.
378
00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:15,050
Helen's upstairs trying
to get ready for a date
379
00:15:15,050 --> 00:15:17,050
and Stella's asleep.
Ah. So I understand.
380
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:19,550
It's not a good time, is it?
No.
381
00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:21,560
Okay, I'll just park it
over here till it is.
382
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:22,560
Ooh.
383
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,560
( doorbell rings )
384
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:26,560
Oh, no. It's Davis.
LOWELL: Heh-heh.
385
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,060
Dinner, not ready.
386
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,560
Stall him.
387
00:15:32,570 --> 00:15:34,070
It's just Joe.
388
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:36,070
Well, that was charming.
Hey, where's Stella?
389
00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:37,070
Whoa, wow, that's right.
390
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,570
Tonight's your big date
with Lynch.
391
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:40,570
No wonder you pulled out
all the stops.
392
00:15:40,570 --> 00:15:42,080
Cram it, Joe.
393
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,580
What's all the noise out here?
394
00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:46,080
I'm trying to stuff a capon.
395
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,080
Now, Lowell.
Everything's gonna be fine.
396
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,580
I'm gonna take care of all this
right here.
397
00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:51,590
You just go back in the kitchen
and stuff it.
398
00:15:51,590 --> 00:15:53,090
The-- The capon.
399
00:15:54,090 --> 00:15:55,590
All right. I'll try.
400
00:15:55,590 --> 00:15:57,090
Okay. I can do this.
401
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,090
I can do this.
I can--
402
00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,090
What are you people doing
in my home?
403
00:16:00,090 --> 00:16:02,600
I'm here to pick up Stella.
Uh, looking for my keys.
404
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,100
Okay. Roy, what would you
possibly be doing in my home?
405
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:08,100
I'm here to take
a naked picture of Stella.
406
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,110
What?
407
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,110
Helen, I'll deal with this.
You go get ready.
Yes.
408
00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:14,610
Remember, you can do this.
409
00:16:14,610 --> 00:16:15,610
I can do this.
410
00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:18,110
Wait a second.
You're going out with Stella?
411
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:20,110
Oh, boy, what I wouldn't give
to f--
412
00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:23,120
Find my keys.
413
00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:26,120
( doorbell rings )
414
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,620
Oh, no, it's Davis!
415
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,620
Mm. Dinner, not ready.
416
00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:32,630
Stall him.
417
00:16:34,130 --> 00:16:35,630
It's just Antonio.
418
00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:37,130
HELEN:
What is he doing here?
419
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,630
Feeling unwelcome
at the moment.
420
00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:42,640
Helen, could you come down here,
please? It's urgent.
421
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,640
HELEN:
Oh, for crying out loud.
I'm busy!
422
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,140
Yes, what? What? What is it?
423
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,640
Agh! Agh! Heh.
424
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,140
Just--
Uh, listen.
425
00:16:50,140 --> 00:16:53,150
Uh, the doctor says I have
a severe case of poison oak
426
00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:55,150
from picking berries with you
yesterday.
427
00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:57,650
What?
Ah, well, don't worry.
428
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,150
I mean, the good news is
429
00:16:59,150 --> 00:17:02,160
that I don't have
those big red blotchy marks
430
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,160
like those.
431
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,160
Agh.
432
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,660
Oh, good. Poison okay.
433
00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:07,160
With any luck,
it'll kill me.
434
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:12,670
Now, the doctor gave me
this calamine lotion to, uh--
435
00:17:12,670 --> 00:17:14,670
To relieve the itching, so...
436
00:17:14,670 --> 00:17:16,170
There.
437
00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:21,680
Well, look how pink it is.
438
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,180
Pink is pretty.
439
00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:27,180
Freeze, Biggins.
440
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,180
( doorbell rings )
441
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:29,680
Oh, it's Davis.
442
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,190
Dinner, not ready.
443
00:17:32,190 --> 00:17:33,690
Stall him.
444
00:17:35,690 --> 00:17:38,690
Uh, it's just three strange guys
with cameras.
445
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,190
Hey, in here, guys.
446
00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:42,700
Slick and Speedy girl
will be down any minute.
447
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:45,200
Who are you--?
448
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:46,200
( stammering )
449
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,700
What are you doing here?
450
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,200
( chuckles ):
That's her?
451
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,710
Boy, they really touch up the
bad parts on those calendars.
452
00:17:52,710 --> 00:17:54,210
Roy, get your friends
and leave.
453
00:17:54,210 --> 00:17:56,210
Haven't you found your keys yet?
As soon as I do,
454
00:17:56,210 --> 00:17:57,210
I'll get out of your hair.
455
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,710
Bad choice of words.
456
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:00,710
Just check upstairs.
457
00:18:00,710 --> 00:18:01,720
Right.
458
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,720
Uh, Joe, do me a favor, please.
459
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,720
Scratch my back.
I can't reach.
460
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,220
No, forget it.
I'm not gonna touch that.
461
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,220
It's contagious.
462
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:10,220
Please, I'm dying here.
463
00:18:14,730 --> 00:18:16,730
Ah.
464
00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:18,730
Oh.
465
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:21,740
When was the last time
you had a manicure?
466
00:18:23,740 --> 00:18:25,240
( crashing )
467
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:26,240
Ca--
468
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,740
All right, all right.
469
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:29,740
Nobody panic.
470
00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:31,250
Dinner's gonna be
a little delayed.
471
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,750
I just have to reassemble
the chicken from memory.
472
00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:36,750
Oh, there goes dinner.
473
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:37,750
Helen, Helen, hang on.
474
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,250
Okay. Okay.
475
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:41,760
Because, see, um,
Davis is not here to eat food,
476
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,260
he's here to see me, right?
477
00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:45,260
Okay, so everything's gonna be
fine.
478
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:47,760
( Stella screams )
No, it's not.
479
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:52,270
Whoa. Who knew Stella slept
in the nude, uh?
480
00:18:52,270 --> 00:18:54,270
Boys--
Hold it right there.
481
00:18:54,270 --> 00:18:57,270
Okay, let's see.
Somebody go check on Stella.
482
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,270
Joe, that's your job.
Please knock first.
483
00:19:00,270 --> 00:19:02,780
Okay. But, uh, if I'm not back
in ten minutes,
484
00:19:02,780 --> 00:19:05,780
send up some champagne.
485
00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:08,280
So you saw her naked, huh?
486
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,280
It was awful, honey.
Hold me.
487
00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:16,290
( doorbell rings )
Oh, no! It's Davis.
488
00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:17,790
Heh-heh, dinner's not ready.
489
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:18,790
Stall him.
490
00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:23,300
Hey, it's just Fay and--
Who the hell are you?
491
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,800
Dominick. Stella's boyfriend.
492
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,300
Heh-heh, oh, no.
493
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,800
He was making a commotion
at the airp-- Ooh.
494
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,300
Oh, well, then, fine.
Bring him here, Fay.
495
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:34,310
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You're Stella's boyfriend?
496
00:19:34,310 --> 00:19:35,810
Oh, I know.
I couldn't believe it either.
497
00:19:35,810 --> 00:19:37,310
Where is she?
498
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,810
Hey, Stella!
499
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:40,310
Stella!
500
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:44,320
She's upstairs naked with Joe.
501
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:45,820
Stella!
502
00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:47,820
Helen, quick,
I need you to taste the sauce.
503
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,320
Not now, Lowell.
504
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,830
Oh, great. I slave over
a hot exploding stove,
505
00:19:51,830 --> 00:19:53,830
and you don't even have a minute
to try the sauce.
506
00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:55,830
Well, I guess I'm gonna have
to leave then.
507
00:19:55,830 --> 00:19:58,330
Okay, tasting the sauce.
508
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,830
( all shouting indistinctly )
509
00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:05,340
So Stella, this is the wimp
who's taking my place?
510
00:20:05,340 --> 00:20:06,340
Wimp?
Yeah.
511
00:20:06,340 --> 00:20:07,840
You have no right
to call anyone anything,
512
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,340
Mr. Hot-Shot-Photographer.
513
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:10,840
You're the one
that had the affair
514
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,350
with the Sports Illustrated
swimsuit model.
515
00:20:12,350 --> 00:20:13,850
Really? Which one?
516
00:20:13,850 --> 00:20:15,850
Why are you even here?
517
00:20:15,850 --> 00:20:17,350
Because I love you, Stella.
518
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:18,850
Ah. And you show your love
519
00:20:18,850 --> 00:20:21,360
by seducing the hottest actress
in Hollywood?
520
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:22,360
Really? Which one?
521
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,860
Dump the geek and let's
get out of here, Stella.
522
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:28,360
Geek. Oh, time to go,
little man.
523
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:29,860
You want a piece of me,
rubber neck?
524
00:20:29,860 --> 00:20:30,860
Come on!
525
00:20:30,860 --> 00:20:32,370
Agh!
526
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,880
Okay, I can do this.
527
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,880
Who am I kidding?
I can't do this.
528
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,890
Okay, that's it.
It's over. I quit.
529
00:20:53,890 --> 00:20:55,890
This was supposed to be
a beautiful night,
530
00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:58,890
and I have green hair,
a black eye, and blotches.
531
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:01,400
Look at me. Just look at me!
532
00:21:01,390 --> 00:21:04,400
It's prom night,
and I'm Carrie.
533
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,400
Actually,
Carrie could be hosed off,
534
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,900
and then she was okay.
535
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,900
But you, well--
That's it.
536
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:13,410
Everybody out!
Get out of my house!
537
00:21:13,410 --> 00:21:15,410
Go!
538
00:21:16,410 --> 00:21:19,410
Get out. Get out.
539
00:21:19,410 --> 00:21:21,410
Who are you?
I don't care, get out.
540
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:25,920
( panting )
541
00:21:30,420 --> 00:21:31,930
( doorbell rings )
542
00:21:31,930 --> 00:21:33,930
What the hell do you want?
543
00:21:35,930 --> 00:21:37,930
Oh, Davis.
544
00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:39,930
( upbeat piano theme playing )
545
00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:55,450
( upbeat piano theme playing )
38986
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof