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1
00:00:01,690 --> 00:00:03,690
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:07,190 --> 00:00:09,190
( airplane flies overhead )
3
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,200
Helen, did you see
4
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,210
which way my eggs went?
5
00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:22,210
Oh, I threw 'em out.
6
00:00:22,210 --> 00:00:23,210
Don't you know what happens
7
00:00:23,210 --> 00:00:24,210
when you leave food around?
8
00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:26,210
It attracts bugs
which attract more bugs,
9
00:00:26,210 --> 00:00:28,710
and pretty soon the whole place
is crawling with vermin.
10
00:00:28,710 --> 00:00:30,220
( belches )
11
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,720
I see what you mean.
12
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,720
Helen, why are you
going so crazy?
13
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,230
There's a new health inspector
making the rounds on the island.
14
00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:44,230
So, what are you worried about?
You keep a very clean place.
15
00:00:44,230 --> 00:00:46,230
That's what they thought
at the Lobster Bucket.
16
00:00:46,230 --> 00:00:48,230
But last night he busted them.
17
00:00:48,230 --> 00:00:50,230
And all they had
was a little grease
18
00:00:50,230 --> 00:00:51,240
in the exhaust vents,
19
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:52,740
mildew under the sink,
20
00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:56,240
and one measly little cockroach
in the chowder.
21
00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:58,740
You are grossin' me out here.
22
00:00:58,740 --> 00:01:01,250
Could we talk about
something else, please?
23
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:03,750
Hey, Scarpacci, how'd
your date go last night?
24
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:05,250
Not as well as I thought.
25
00:01:05,250 --> 00:01:07,750
We had dinner
at the Lobster Bucket.
26
00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:09,750
( upbeat piano theme playing )
27
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,760
Hey, Chapel,
28
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,260
I want another refill.
29
00:01:17,260 --> 00:01:18,760
Roy, can't you see
I'm busy here?
30
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,770
Besides, you've had
six cups already.
31
00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,270
So if you want more coffee,
here.
32
00:01:23,270 --> 00:01:25,270
Suck it up.
33
00:01:26,770 --> 00:01:28,770
God, I'm bored.
34
00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:31,280
Ah, you know what I do
when I'm bored, Roy?
35
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,780
I like to ponder
some of life's big questions.
36
00:01:34,780 --> 00:01:36,780
For instance,
if you're driving a car
37
00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:38,780
down Sesame Street,
38
00:01:38,780 --> 00:01:40,290
would you in fact end up
39
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,790
in Mister Rogers' Neighborhood?
40
00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:49,790
You might.
41
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,300
God, I'm bored.
42
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:56,300
( Roy whistles )
43
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:59,800
Here's a little something
to spice up my day.
44
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,810
Good morning, Alex,
how was your run?
45
00:02:01,810 --> 00:02:02,810
Fine.
46
00:02:02,810 --> 00:02:05,310
Brian and I just did
a quick five miles.
47
00:02:05,310 --> 00:02:08,310
I hear that's all you two
have been doing these days. Heh.
48
00:02:09,810 --> 00:02:11,320
All I know is a real man
49
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:12,820
wouldn't wait.
50
00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:15,820
Hey, Brian is more man
51
00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:17,320
than you'll ever be.
52
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,320
( sighs, laughs )
53
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,330
( panting )
54
00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:23,830
Honey, are you okay?
55
00:02:23,830 --> 00:02:26,330
Yeah.
ROY: Oh, what's that Lassie?
56
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:27,830
Timmy fell in a mine shaft.
57
00:02:27,830 --> 00:02:28,830
( laughs )
58
00:02:28,830 --> 00:02:31,840
It's okay, girl.
I'll go get the ranger. Heh.
59
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,840
( growls )
Brian what happened?
60
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:34,840
( gasps )
61
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:36,840
I was running,
62
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,840
my socks fell down,
63
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,850
so I had to pull 'em up.
64
00:02:40,850 --> 00:02:43,850
Fell on my tailbone.
65
00:02:43,850 --> 00:02:46,850
Precisely why I run
in the nude.
66
00:02:48,850 --> 00:02:50,360
I'll tell you,
67
00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:52,360
there's nothing quite like
feelin' the wind
68
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,860
blowin' through,
69
00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:58,360
well, pretty much
everything you got.
70
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,870
U-uh, Brian, you might
try to ice that injury
71
00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:04,370
to ease the pain.
( groans )
72
00:03:04,370 --> 00:03:06,370
That's what the doctor told
my first husband George to do
73
00:03:06,370 --> 00:03:08,870
when he broke his ass.
74
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,380
Well, that's what
the doctor called it.
75
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:15,380
Medical men.
76
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:17,880
They got a language
all their own.
77
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,890
I'll go get some ice.
78
00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:21,890
Good mornin', everybody. Hey.
79
00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:22,890
Come on, Brian. Get up.
80
00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:24,890
You're sweating all over
the waiting area.
81
00:03:24,890 --> 00:03:27,390
Hey, hey, Joe, he had
a terrible accident.
82
00:03:27,390 --> 00:03:28,890
Wh-what happened?
83
00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:30,900
His, uh, socks fell down.
84
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:32,400
I'm all right. I just--
85
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,400
I bruised my tailbone.
86
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,400
Oh, no. Are you gonna
be able to fly?
87
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,400
I can fly. I can fly.
88
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,900
I can't fly.
89
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:41,910
JOE:
Oh, no, why'd this
have to happen now?
90
00:03:41,910 --> 00:03:43,410
We got five extra
charters this week.
91
00:03:43,410 --> 00:03:45,410
And I'm almost
maxed out on hours.
92
00:03:45,410 --> 00:03:47,410
Ah, what am I gonna do?
93
00:03:47,410 --> 00:03:48,410
Hey, Lambert,
94
00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:50,410
you're a pilot,
you could help him out.
95
00:03:50,410 --> 00:03:51,920
( groans )
96
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,420
Yeah, Joe, um,
97
00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:54,920
I could take Brian's flights.
98
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,920
Uh, well, thanks anyway,
99
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,930
but I'm really funny about
other people flying my plane.
100
00:04:00,930 --> 00:04:02,930
Okay, fine, I'm, you know,
just trying to help.
101
00:04:02,930 --> 00:04:06,930
Hey, Hackett, you could always
take her up for a test flight.
102
00:04:07,930 --> 00:04:09,430
Hey, Alex, you know what?
103
00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:10,430
Maybe you could help me out.
104
00:04:10,430 --> 00:04:11,940
Why don't we go up
and I'll check you out
105
00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:12,940
on the aircraft?
106
00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:14,440
Now? I mean, I--
107
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,440
I really think I should
drive Brian to the doctor.
108
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,940
Nah, I can drive.
I can drive.
109
00:04:18,940 --> 00:04:21,450
I can't drive.
110
00:04:21,450 --> 00:04:22,950
No, no. You two go on.
111
00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:24,450
I'll get him to the doctor.
Go on.
112
00:04:24,450 --> 00:04:25,950
Great. Thanks, Roy.
I'll see you on the plane.
113
00:04:25,950 --> 00:04:28,450
O-okay, um, I'll be there
as soon as I change.
114
00:04:28,450 --> 00:04:30,960
Okay, um, I'll see you later.
All right. All right.
115
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,460
Now, Brian, you just cheer up.
116
00:04:32,460 --> 00:04:33,960
If you're anything at all
like George,
117
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,960
you'll be up and about
in no time.
118
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,460
And then a week and a half later
119
00:04:38,460 --> 00:04:41,470
you'll be broadsided by a bus.
120
00:04:42,970 --> 00:04:46,470
Not all my stories
have happy endings.
121
00:04:47,470 --> 00:04:49,470
Hackett, Hackett, Hackett!
122
00:04:49,470 --> 00:04:51,980
How could you be so stupid?
123
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:54,480
What are you talking about, Roy?
124
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,480
I think you're crazy
to let 'em fly together.
125
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,480
Do the words "Mile High Club"
126
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,990
mean anything to you?
127
00:05:00,990 --> 00:05:03,490
They're only going up
for a test flight.
128
00:05:05,990 --> 00:05:07,990
Joe and Alex.
129
00:05:09,490 --> 00:05:10,490
Nah.
130
00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:12,500
Hey, uh, Scarpacci, uh,
131
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,000
Joe wants you to take Brian
to the doctor.
132
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,000
He'll pay you later.
133
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,000
Wha--?
134
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,000
What--? Brian, what happened?
( groans )
135
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:23,010
And please don't tell me
you ate at the Lobster Bucket.
136
00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:27,010
( giggles )
137
00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:28,510
What's so funny, Roy?
138
00:05:28,510 --> 00:05:31,520
This isn't gonna be
such a boring day after all.
139
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,020
( laughs )
140
00:05:33,020 --> 00:05:35,520
( upbeat piano theme playing )
141
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,520
( groans )
142
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,020
Oh, this is embarrassing.
Ah.
143
00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:42,030
Oh, you'd think there'd be more
medical science could do
144
00:05:42,030 --> 00:05:44,530
for a bruised tailbone
than make you sit on a donut.
145
00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:47,030
Oh, well, you're lucky.
146
00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:49,530
When my grandfather
had the same injury,
147
00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:51,540
they did not have
such things.
148
00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:53,040
He had to sit on the lap
149
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,540
of his fat uncle, Carmine.
150
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,540
Yeah, well, thanks for the ride
151
00:05:58,540 --> 00:06:01,050
and for sharing
that really disturbing image.
152
00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:09,550
( grunts )
153
00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:13,060
( sighs )
154
00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:15,560
Hey, Joe, I need to ask you--
155
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,060
Oh, Joe's not here.
He's up in a plane with Alex.
156
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:19,060
Still?
157
00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:20,570
( whistles )
158
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,570
Okay.
159
00:06:22,570 --> 00:06:25,070
Boy, you're a lot more trusting
than I am, Hackett.
160
00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:27,570
If it was me, I would be
on that radio right now,
161
00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:29,570
trying to find out what
the hell's going on up there.
162
00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:30,570
Roy.
163
00:06:30,570 --> 00:06:32,580
There's nothing goin' on.
164
00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:33,580
You're right.
165
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:34,580
You're right.
166
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:36,080
Why would she be
interested in Joe
167
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,580
when she's got
a real man right here?
168
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,590
By the way,
how's your tushy feeling?
169
00:06:41,590 --> 00:06:43,590
( laughs )
170
00:06:43,590 --> 00:06:46,090
( piano theme playing )
171
00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:53,100
( upbeat piano theme playing )
172
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,100
( sighs )
That's it, Fay.
173
00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:57,100
I've done the best I can.
174
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,600
This place is as clean
as it's gonna get.
175
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,610
Oh, Helen, I think
it looks beautiful,
176
00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:03,110
and you're gonna pass
that inspection
177
00:07:03,110 --> 00:07:04,610
with flying colors.
178
00:07:04,610 --> 00:07:06,610
Thanks, Fay.
I really needed to hear that.
179
00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:08,110
But of course,
you might just wanna get
180
00:07:08,110 --> 00:07:10,620
that little thing there.
181
00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:13,620
Oh, right. Okay, thanks.
182
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:16,120
And-- A-and there's
a little gob of something
183
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,120
over by the stove.
184
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:22,130
All right, I see it.
185
00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:24,630
You remember last Halloween
186
00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:26,130
when Lowell dropped
that pumpkin pie,
187
00:07:26,130 --> 00:07:28,130
and it splattered
all over everything?
188
00:07:28,130 --> 00:07:29,130
( giggles )
Right.
189
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:30,640
Well, there's some right there.
190
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,140
Ow. Huh. Ow.
191
00:07:36,140 --> 00:07:38,140
Huh. Ow.
192
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,650
Ooh. Ah.
193
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,650
Oh, hey, give these back
to Joe for me, will you?
194
00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:46,150
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I'll give them to him
195
00:07:46,150 --> 00:07:47,650
as soon as he gets back
from his flight.
196
00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:49,650
Oh, they're back.
197
00:07:51,660 --> 00:07:52,660
They're back?
Yeah, yeah.
198
00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:54,160
He and Alex came in
from the field,
199
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,660
went straight in the office
and shut the door.
200
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,160
At least, I--
I think they're still in there.
201
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:03,170
You can't really tell
with the shades pulled.
202
00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:08,170
You okay, Hackett?
203
00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:09,670
Course I'm okay. Why--?
204
00:08:09,670 --> 00:08:11,180
Why would you think
I wouldn't be?
205
00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:13,680
( chuckles )
206
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:18,680
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
207
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,680
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
208
00:08:22,190 --> 00:08:23,690
( guffaws )
209
00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:29,690
All right, when you land,
you just, uh, log in
210
00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:31,200
your arrival time right there.
Okay.
211
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,200
And sign it down
at the bottom there
212
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,200
and that's it.
213
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,700
Sounds simple enough.
214
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,200
Hi.
ALEX: Hi.
215
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,700
Hey. Hey, how're you doing?
216
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,700
Everything's okay?
I-I see they gave you a donut.
217
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,210
Oh, yeah, the, uh--
218
00:08:42,210 --> 00:08:44,210
Uh, I didn't need it,
but the doctor insisted.
219
00:08:44,210 --> 00:08:47,210
You know doctors, right?
220
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,710
Donut. Donut. Donut. Donut.
221
00:08:48,710 --> 00:08:50,710
Donut. Donut. Donut.
222
00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,720
( sighs )
223
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,220
Well, uh, thanks
for fillin' in for me.
224
00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:56,720
I know there's plenty
of other things
225
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:57,720
you'd rather be doing.
226
00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,220
It's no problem.
In fact, it was--
227
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:00,220
It was kinda fun.
Oh, okay.
228
00:09:00,220 --> 00:09:02,230
Which, by the way,
I have another flight,
229
00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:04,730
so I'll see you later.
230
00:09:04,730 --> 00:09:06,230
And, uh, I'll see you
on the plane, Joe.
231
00:09:09,230 --> 00:09:12,240
Why do you have to
go up with her again?
232
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,240
She's goin' to Boston,
I've got an appointment there,
233
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:17,740
and I'm just hitchin' a ride.
234
00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,740
Wait a minute.
You're not jealous, are you?
235
00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:21,750
What? M-me? Come on.
236
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:23,250
( scoffs )
Jealous.
237
00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:24,250
Yeah, I know Alex well enough
238
00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:26,250
to know that I don't have to
worry about her.
239
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:27,750
You'd better not,
'cause you know how much
240
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:30,250
she hates jealous guys.
241
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:31,760
She does?
242
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,760
Yeah, that's why
she broke up with Dan.
243
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,260
Who?
244
00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:39,760
Dan, the guy
she was engaged to.
245
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,770
She was engaged?
246
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:42,770
Don't you two talk?
247
00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,770
Yeah, we talk.
We talk ourselves blue.
248
00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:46,270
Which happens to be
249
00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:47,770
her favorite color.
250
00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:48,770
It's green.
251
00:09:48,770 --> 00:09:50,270
It is?
252
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,780
( wheezy laugh )
253
00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,790
( upbeat piano theme playing )
254
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:02,790
Celtics front office, yeah.
255
00:10:02,790 --> 00:10:04,290
Uh, give me Red Auerbach.
256
00:10:04,290 --> 00:10:06,790
That's right.
257
00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,290
Uh, yeah. Yeah, it's me again.
258
00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:09,790
Yeah.
259
00:10:09,790 --> 00:10:11,800
Well, yeah, it's--
It's still the same message.
260
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,300
No, no, no. Please, no.
261
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,800
Tell him that I still want
Aeromass to be
262
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,300
the official airline
of the Boston Celtics.
263
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:19,300
Now, you think you can
handle that, toots?
264
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:20,300
Do--?
265
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:24,310
Nice mouth. O-oh.
266
00:10:24,310 --> 00:10:27,810
Talk like that usually costs me
2 bucks a minute.
267
00:10:29,310 --> 00:10:30,310
Do you know where I can find
268
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:32,320
the person who operates
this counter?
269
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,320
Who wants to know?
My name is Pam Chase.
270
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,820
I'm with the Massachusetts
Department of Public Health.
271
00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:38,320
She's in the can.
272
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:39,820
I'll just wait here.
273
00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:44,330
Oh, Helen,
that woman over there is--
274
00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:46,330
Oh, my God.
Relax.
275
00:10:46,330 --> 00:10:47,830
It's just--
That's Pam Chase.
276
00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:48,830
You know her?
277
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:50,330
Know her? I hate her.
278
00:10:50,330 --> 00:10:52,840
When we kids,
I was a little overweight,
279
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,340
and she never missed
an opportunity to torment me.
280
00:10:55,340 --> 00:10:57,840
What is she doin' here?
281
00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,840
You don't know?
282
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,350
You know what?
I don't care.
283
00:11:02,350 --> 00:11:03,350
Call me when she leaves.
284
00:11:03,350 --> 00:11:05,350
Uh, no, Helen, Helen,
Helen come here.
285
00:11:05,350 --> 00:11:07,350
Now, you know me.
286
00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:10,350
You know how I hate
to butt in, but, uh,
287
00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:11,860
if she really tormented you,
288
00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:13,360
you have no choice
289
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,860
but to take action.
290
00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:16,860
What do you mean?
291
00:11:16,860 --> 00:11:18,860
Well, I say that you
march right over there,
292
00:11:18,860 --> 00:11:21,370
and you tell her off but good.
293
00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:24,870
You make her feel the pain
you felt all those years.
294
00:11:24,870 --> 00:11:27,870
Helen, if you don't do it
for yourself, at least do it
295
00:11:27,870 --> 00:11:31,880
for all the fat, little,
tormented children everywhere.
296
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,880
You're an adult.
297
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,380
What can she do to you now?
298
00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:36,880
( scoffs )
299
00:11:38,380 --> 00:11:39,880
You're right, Roy.
300
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,390
Good.
Good girl.
301
00:11:47,890 --> 00:11:49,390
Hello, Pam.
302
00:11:49,390 --> 00:11:51,400
Remember me?
303
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,400
Helen?
304
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:55,900
Helen Chapel?
305
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:57,900
Listen, there's something
that's been bothering me
306
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,400
all these years.
307
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,910
When we were kids,
308
00:12:01,910 --> 00:12:04,410
you weren't always
really nice to me.
309
00:12:04,410 --> 00:12:06,410
You said things about my weight.
310
00:12:06,410 --> 00:12:08,410
You said names like:
311
00:12:08,410 --> 00:12:09,910
Tubbo,
312
00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:12,420
Lard Lady,
313
00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:14,920
and Mount St. Helens.
314
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:16,920
Well,
315
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,420
I have a few names for you.
316
00:12:19,420 --> 00:12:20,930
You're rude,
317
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,430
you're vindictive,
318
00:12:22,430 --> 00:12:23,430
you're shallow,
319
00:12:23,430 --> 00:12:24,930
you're conceited,
320
00:12:24,930 --> 00:12:27,430
you're phony, you're fake,
321
00:12:27,430 --> 00:12:29,430
you're bitchy,
and above all,
322
00:12:29,430 --> 00:12:32,440
you're the biggest tramp
this island's ever seen.
323
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:33,940
Now, everybody
knew about
324
00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:35,440
you and Skip Riley doin' it
325
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,440
in the back seat of, uh,
his dad's Plymouth.
326
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,940
Well, you know how they knew?
327
00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:44,450
I told them.
328
00:12:44,450 --> 00:12:46,950
And I'm the one that started
329
00:12:46,950 --> 00:12:50,450
calling you "Wham Bam Pam."
330
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,960
So, Wham Bam,
on behalf of all
331
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,960
the little, tortured,
fat children all over the world,
332
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,460
get outta here.
333
00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:00,970
Move it.
334
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,970
Get away from my lunch counter.
335
00:13:04,470 --> 00:13:06,470
( Helen giggles )
336
00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:09,470
This is your lunch counter?
337
00:13:09,470 --> 00:13:13,480
That's right, baby.
338
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,480
So go on. Move it.
339
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,980
There's nothing
you can do to me now.
340
00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:20,980
I'm the state health inspector.
341
00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:29,990
Oh, Pam, it's been so long.
342
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:36,000
Oh, I just love what you've done
with your hair.
343
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,000
( wheezy laugh )
344
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,510
Oh, this is great.
345
00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:44,010
I say it and they do it.
346
00:13:44,010 --> 00:13:46,010
( laughs )
347
00:13:46,010 --> 00:13:48,510
Oh, I'm having a ball.
348
00:13:49,510 --> 00:13:52,020
( upbeat piano theme playing )
349
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,520
Oh, Brian,
how are you feeling?
350
00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,520
Yeah, and how's it going
with your butt?
351
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,530
( sighs )
Fine, Lowell. Thanks for asking.
352
00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:03,530
Listen, um,
353
00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:05,530
I don't wanna sound paranoid
or anything, but--
354
00:14:05,530 --> 00:14:08,030
But do you think there's
something going on
355
00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:10,530
between Joe and Alex?
356
00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:11,540
Brian, I'm ashamed of you.
357
00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:13,040
How could you
accuse your brother
358
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,540
of something like that?
359
00:14:14,540 --> 00:14:17,040
No, you're right. Thanks, Fay.
I really needed to hear that.
360
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,040
And on the other hand,
who could blame him?
361
00:14:20,540 --> 00:14:23,550
You are the one
who stole his fiancée.
362
00:14:23,550 --> 00:14:25,550
Maybe he did wait
all these years
363
00:14:25,550 --> 00:14:27,550
just to get even.
364
00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:29,550
Everyone knows
365
00:14:29,550 --> 00:14:33,060
revenge is a dish
best served cold.
366
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,560
In Italy, we have
the same expression,
367
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,560
except instead of revenge,
368
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,070
we use the word "calamari."
369
00:14:44,070 --> 00:14:45,570
Oh, it's crazy.
370
00:14:45,570 --> 00:14:48,070
Joe Hackett doesn't have
a mean bone in his body.
371
00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:49,570
Yeah, yeah, of course not.
372
00:14:49,570 --> 00:14:51,080
He's probably
just experiencing
373
00:14:51,070 --> 00:14:54,580
that raw, wanton,
sexual passion
374
00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:57,080
that occurs between people
who work together
375
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,080
day in and day out.
376
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,590
I mean, God,
take a look at Alex.
377
00:15:02,590 --> 00:15:04,590
LOWELL:
I-- Uh, she's got
378
00:15:04,590 --> 00:15:07,090
the kind of body
that drives...
379
00:15:08,090 --> 00:15:12,100
lonely mechanics wild.
380
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:14,100
I mean, if you
weren't my boss,
381
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:17,100
I'd be on...
382
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:18,600
Enough said.
383
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:22,110
Brian, don't-- Don't worry.
384
00:15:22,110 --> 00:15:23,610
I-I know a man and a woman
385
00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:26,110
who worked together for 15 years
386
00:15:26,110 --> 00:15:28,110
side by side in a grocery store.
387
00:15:28,110 --> 00:15:30,110
Never so much as looked
at each other.
388
00:15:30,110 --> 00:15:31,620
There you go.
389
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:33,620
Of course, no one
could look at them.
390
00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:36,620
They were the two ugliest people
in our village.
391
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:41,130
Not like Alex and Joe.
392
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,130
Can you--?
393
00:15:42,130 --> 00:15:43,630
Can you imagine how beautiful
394
00:15:43,630 --> 00:15:44,630
their children would be?
395
00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:46,630
Oh.
396
00:15:46,630 --> 00:15:49,130
Thanks, thanks, thanks.
Thanks for your help.
397
00:15:51,130 --> 00:15:52,140
JOE:
Hey.
398
00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:53,140
Hey, Brian.
Hey.
399
00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:54,640
Uh, listen, Brian.
400
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,140
Can I, uh,
borrow Alex tonight?
401
00:15:57,140 --> 00:15:58,640
Why?
402
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,140
Funny thing happened
on the plane.
403
00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:02,650
We met this nice old couple.
They had tickets to the Pops.
404
00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:04,650
They can't go,
so they gave 'em to us.
405
00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:06,150
They thought we were married.
406
00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:07,650
( both laugh )
407
00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:08,650
Isn't that funny?
408
00:16:08,650 --> 00:16:11,160
( chuckles mockingly )
409
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:13,660
So you'd be okay spending
the evening alone?
410
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,160
Yeah, sure. Sure, sure.
I'll just--
411
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,160
I'll rent a film and I'll
pull up a comfortable chair
412
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,660
and stand behind it.
413
00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:21,670
Great. Okay, see you tomorrow.
All right.
414
00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:23,670
See you later.
You bet.
415
00:16:28,670 --> 00:16:30,170
Wow.
416
00:16:30,170 --> 00:16:33,180
If there was ever a time
I wish I was wrong, Hackett,
417
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:34,680
this is it.
418
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,680
It kills me to see anybody
treated that way,
419
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,180
especially by
his own brother.
420
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:40,680
Oh, look, Hackett, we--
421
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:41,690
We've never been close,
422
00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:45,190
but if you need me,
423
00:16:45,190 --> 00:16:47,190
I'm here for you.
424
00:16:49,190 --> 00:16:50,190
Thanks, Roy.
425
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,700
( wheezy laugh )
426
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,710
Be brave, Hackett.
427
00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:05,210
( wheezy laugh )
428
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:12,220
( upbeat piano theme playing )
429
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,720
I had a very nice time, Joe.
Thank you.
430
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,220
Oh, thanks. Me too.
431
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:20,720
We've gotta do that again.
It's so much fun.
432
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:21,730
Yeah.
433
00:17:21,730 --> 00:17:23,230
( wheels rolling )
434
00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:24,730
Aha!
435
00:17:26,230 --> 00:17:27,730
Brian?
( Brian cackles )
436
00:17:27,730 --> 00:17:29,230
You know what time it is?
437
00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:31,240
Yeah, it's 2 a.m.
438
00:17:31,230 --> 00:17:32,240
It's 2 a.m.
439
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,740
Have you been drinking?
440
00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:35,240
Matter of fact, I have.
441
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:38,740
Yeah, found Joey's private stash
in his office,
442
00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:41,250
and I'm feeling no pain. Heh.
443
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,750
I even threw away my donut.
444
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:47,250
Brian, those beers
are nonalcoholic.
445
00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:49,750
In that case,
I'm feeling lots of pain.
446
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,260
That concert ended
447
00:17:53,260 --> 00:17:55,260
at exactly 10:21.
448
00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:58,760
It is now...2:07.
449
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,260
Where the hell have you been?
450
00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:02,770
If you must know,
we went to Martha's Vineyard
451
00:18:02,770 --> 00:18:04,270
for some coffee.
452
00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:06,270
Ha, ha! Of course.
453
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:08,770
That's where everyone
goes for coffee at 2 a.m.
454
00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:12,780
Martha's Vineyard,
the Decaf Island.
455
00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,280
Alex, you would've
found this out eventually,
456
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,280
but our father also went insane.
457
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,280
So.
458
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,280
You're finally gettin' me back
459
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,790
for, uh, stealin'
your fiancée, huh?
460
00:18:21,790 --> 00:18:24,290
( scoffs )
Wha--? Are you kidding me?
461
00:18:24,290 --> 00:18:26,290
Hey, hey, hey,
don't be coy with me.
462
00:18:26,290 --> 00:18:29,290
Everybody knows
that revenge and calamari
463
00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:31,290
are best served cold.
464
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:34,800
What, you don't think
I know what goes on
465
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,800
between two people, hm?
466
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,800
Who work together
day in and day out?
467
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,810
It's not as though you're
the two ugliest people
468
00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:43,810
in the village.
469
00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:45,310
Joe, was your dad
ever this bad?
470
00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:48,310
Nowhere near. Look, Brian,
I think you'd better stop--
471
00:18:48,310 --> 00:18:50,310
No, I'll-- No, I'll deal
with you in a minute.
472
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:55,320
I knew I never
should've trusted you.
473
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,820
So, sweetheart,
474
00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:59,820
got anything to say
for yourself?
475
00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:01,330
Go to hell.
476
00:19:02,330 --> 00:19:04,330
Go to hell.
477
00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:06,830
And as for you?
478
00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:09,830
I've only got one question.
479
00:19:09,830 --> 00:19:12,840
At exactly what point
did I become
480
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:16,840
a complete and total
jackass?
481
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:21,850
I think it was right after
you said, "Aha!"
482
00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:23,850
How could you think I would do
something like that?
483
00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:25,850
What are you talkin' about?
484
00:19:25,850 --> 00:19:27,850
Roy kept pointing out how close
you two guys were getting.
485
00:19:27,850 --> 00:19:29,350
You listen to Roy?
Ow. Oh.
486
00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:30,850
ALEX:
I'm not leaving.
487
00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:32,860
I'm not letting you off
that easy.
488
00:19:32,860 --> 00:19:34,360
Now, for your information,
489
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:37,360
the only reason I was spending
so much time with Joe
490
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,860
was to help you out.
And it--
491
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:43,370
Besides, it wasn't even my idea.
Roy suggested it.
492
00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:44,870
Roy told me to take her
on a test flight,
493
00:19:44,870 --> 00:19:46,870
so I took her on a test flight.
494
00:19:46,870 --> 00:19:48,870
Ooh, yeah, yeah
I'm gon--
495
00:19:48,870 --> 00:19:49,870
( screams )
496
00:19:49,870 --> 00:19:51,380
ALL:
Oh!
497
00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:52,880
Helen, what are you doin' here?
498
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,380
( sighs )
I'm cleanin' my kitchen.
499
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:56,880
I got 16 health violations,
500
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,880
and if I don't fix 'em
by morning,
501
00:19:58,880 --> 00:19:59,880
they're gonna shut me down.
502
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,890
Well, how did that happen?
503
00:20:01,890 --> 00:20:03,390
Never would've happened
if I hadn't told off
504
00:20:03,390 --> 00:20:04,890
the health inspector.
505
00:20:04,890 --> 00:20:05,890
But nope.
506
00:20:05,890 --> 00:20:09,390
I had to listen
to my good friend Roy.
507
00:20:09,390 --> 00:20:11,900
( upbeat theme playing )
508
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,400
Hey, hey, hey, Hackett.
509
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,900
Your airline just got
a lot smaller,
510
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:22,910
'cause mine just got
a lot bigger.
511
00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:25,410
( Roy laughs )
What are you talkin' about, Roy?
512
00:20:25,410 --> 00:20:27,410
Well, I finally got a call
from Mr. Red Auerbach
513
00:20:27,410 --> 00:20:29,410
of the Boston Celtics.
514
00:20:29,410 --> 00:20:31,920
They want Aeromass to be
the official airline
515
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,420
for the team.
HELEN: Wow.
516
00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:34,920
That's incredible.
517
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,420
( chuckles )
Roy, you've been tryin'
518
00:20:36,420 --> 00:20:37,920
to do that for years.
519
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,420
Well, they finally wised up
and accepted my offer. Heh.
520
00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:42,430
Well, aren't you gonna
have to buy a bigger plane?
521
00:20:42,430 --> 00:20:44,430
Ooh. I'm glad you asked,
because I just put
522
00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:47,430
a very sizable deposit down
523
00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:51,940
on a brand-new 727.
524
00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:54,440
Wait a minute. Where were you
able to scare up that much cash?
525
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:55,940
Oh, that's the beauty part, see.
526
00:20:55,940 --> 00:20:58,940
I also got a call this morning
from Nantucket Realty.
527
00:20:58,940 --> 00:21:00,940
So?
ROY: So I've always had a dream
528
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:03,950
of tapping into some of that
easy Hollywood money.
529
00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:07,450
Well, guess who just made
a very generous offer
530
00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:08,950
on that piece of bottomland
531
00:21:08,950 --> 00:21:10,450
that I call
oceanfront property?
532
00:21:10,450 --> 00:21:12,460
Who?
533
00:21:12,460 --> 00:21:15,460
Mr. Jack Nicholson.
534
00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:16,960
Wow.
535
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,960
( laughs )
That's unbelievable.
536
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,960
Ooh, what a sucker.
537
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,470
Oh, so long, losers.
538
00:21:22,470 --> 00:21:24,970
( sighs )
BRIAN: Whoa, man.
539
00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:25,970
Mm.
540
00:21:27,970 --> 00:21:29,970
Nice work, Mr. Nicholson.
541
00:21:31,470 --> 00:21:34,980
( as Jack Nicholson ):
Same to you, Mr. Auerbach.
542
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:37,480
( upbeat piano theme playing )
543
00:21:42,990 --> 00:21:55,500
( upbeat piano theme playing )
37307
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