All language subtitles for dont.come.upstairs.2025.1080p.webrip.x264-cbfm

- This is my goofy brother.
- Duh!

NARRATION: That's me,
12-year-old Mike Lobel.

-Hi, I'm Michael, and I'll be
your host for the evening.

NARRATION: And this
is my family.

MICHAEL: [video]
Say hi, Mom.

-This is Mommy Susie speaking.

MOM: On the surface, we just
appeared to be a normal family.

And we were.
And we are.

I took you to school,
did the groceries.

We had birthday parties for you.

[people singing Happy Birthday
in video]

NARRATION: My little brother,
sister, and I

grew up in Parkdale,
in the heart of Toronto.

My little sister Melanie
was fearless.

MOM: [video]
Be careful!

MELANIE: I wanted to do
the things that you were doing,

and I wanted to do them better.

MICHAEL: Oh, well, it comes out
now for the first time!

NARRATION: My brother Elliot
was shy.

- Say hi.
- Hi.

- Wave.
- Wave.

NARRATION: He was always
really taking everything in.

ELLIOT: I think I was
a pretty goofy kid.

A good kid.

Definitely not rebellious.

NARRATION: I was
the rebellious one.

MOM: Say Merry Christmas.

No...

-Merry Christmas.

NARRATION: I had big feelings
and a lot of energy.

MOM: You were eight when you
somersaulted off the bookcase.

You ended up in the hospital.

NARRATION: I was a handful,
but my mom wouldn't admit it.

MOM: Those were beautiful times.
It was bliss.

ELLIOT: Yeah, it sounds
very normal and nice.

MOM: It was all about
taking care of the kids, for me.

And Dad was responsible for...

um, you know...

[sighs]

[static]

MOM: There would be times
that he was gone and absent.

I couldn't understand
where he was.

ELLIOT: I didn't really
have a very good idea

what my dad did.

MICHAEL: And when people asked,
what did you say?

-Well, that he was
a taxi driver.

ELLIOT: Insurance
was one of them.

MELISSA: He was in
the antique business

and went on the road.

ELLIOT: The stock market.

-Gambling.

Actually, I don't even know
if any of that's true.

MICHAEL: Is it true Dad
worked for a travel magazine?

-No.

ELLIOT: Dad had a drawer
of, like, phones.

MELISSA: We'd be
having family dinner,

a random cell phone
would go off,

some new ringtone.

[phone ringing]

MELISSA: Any point, like,
I looked over, like,

you were kind of just, like,
head down, whatever, don't...

Like, don't
acknowledge anything.

[cell phones ringing]

MELISSA: And Dad
wouldn't flinch.

Like, he wouldn't move.

We were not allowed
to be going upstairs.

There was a Post-It
on the staircase,

and I would get the response,
"Don't come up!

"Don't come up."

NARRATION: We all lived
under the same roof,

but we couldn't tell you
a lot about him.

He just seemed different
than other dads,

in ways we didn't understand,

and still don't.

See, that's the thing...

None of us really know

who Dad is.

[static]

NARRATION: It's taken me
a long time to decide

I want to have children.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah.

NARRATION: I'm afraid of
messing them up.

MIKA: No, it's okay, it's okay.

MICHAEL: Okay, that one's fast.

NARRATION: What kind of father
will I be?

-I love doing this.

NARRATION: When I was 14,
I learned that cameras

don't just record reality.

MICHAEL: [video]
Get outta here, Elliot.

NARRATION: They can change it.

With this accidental cut
right here...

MICHAEL: [video]
Elliot...

NARRATION: I was hooked.

-[coughing]

- [yelling]
- [gunshot sound effect]

NARRATION: I did
what any angsty kid might do...

I started making my own movies.

MICHAEL: [video] In the movie,
I'm gonna be wearing

those shoes,
so it's carefully planned out.

MELISSA: [video] You gotta
bring a knife and ketchup.

[car sound effects]

NARRATION: My brother and sister
were my first film crew.

MICHAEL: [video] Ready?
ELLIOT: [video] Yeah.

MICHAEL: Action.

Ooh, the cat!

NARRATION: I kept trying
to will my toys to life

by filming them.

Little worlds
I could disappear into.

Then eventually,
I disappeared into characters.

When I was 16,
I landed an agent,

and I got to play Jay Hogart
for seven seasons

on "Degrassi:
The Next Generation."

A Canadian success.

It was amazing.

I was doing what I loved to do:

telling stories.

But there was always one story
I always felt I couldn't tell.

My own.

To tell it,
I need my family's help.

[slides clicking]

NARRATION: I'm not sure
I'll get it.

[cell phone ringing]

ELLIOT: [phone]
Hey.

-How's it going, man?

ELLIOT: Good, what's up?
MICHAEL: Not much.

Just, uh, digitizing
some of our old stuff.

ELLIOT: Nice.

MICHAEL: Yeah.
Uh...

I guess my question is,
would you be willing

to sit down on camera,
if I come to Montreal,

to talk about it?

ELLIOT: I don't want
anything to do with it.

MICHAEL: Are you serious?

ELLIOT: Yeah, I'm gonna
be running for office.

[laughs]

MICHAEL: Seriously, though.

ELLIOT: Yeah,
I mean, sure, why not?

You can interview me.

[line trilling]

MICHAEL: Would you and your
husband be cool to talk?

MELISSA: [phone] Yeah, he can't
be associated with it at all.

MICHAEL: And that goes
for the whole family?

MELISSA: Yes, no, you cannot use
my children's faces on it.

MICHAEL: Okay.

MELISSA: Yeah, that's a hard no.

-Got it.
So just you, then?

MELISSA: Just me.
MICHAEL: Okay.

MOM: I think I need to do this.

Something that Dad and I shared
for many years, and only us.

NARRATION: That
just leaves my dad.

♪

♪

MICHAEL: Rolling on A,
rolling on B.

NARRATION: My siblings and I
have never really talked

about our dad's secret.

MICHAEL: What do you think
we're here to talk about today?

-We're here
to talk about my dad.

MICHAEL: How does
that make you feel?

-It makes me feel nervous
talking about this.

NARRATION: I don't expect them
to open up right away.

I didn't tell my wife Mika
about the secret

until just before
we were married.

I was 38 years old.

ELLIOT: I don't know
when that started.

That feeling of like, uh,
you know, trying to be careful.

NARRATION: We all have
our reasons.

When I was ten, I asked my dad
what he did for a living

for a "take your kid to work"
day school project.

He yelled at me.

I never dared ask again.

DAD: [video]
Now you can go run.

NARRATION: But I could tell
something was up.

MELISSA: I knew you were
going through the same thing

that I was going through.

At that moment,
we kind of made it a quest

that we were going to figure out
what our dad did.

I started to recognize mail

that would have
a different name.

I thought that
he was different people.

ELLIOT: The upstairs,
it was not quite finished.

MELISSA: Mom and Dad's ensuite
bathroom that never got done.

-Remember the Jacuzzi?

MELISSA: There was
a roughed-in bathtub.

ELLIOT: It had, like, this wood
on top of it, covering it.

I don't think
I looked under that.

MELISSA: I knew it was something
that we shouldn't know about.

I never really wanted
to snoop so hard,

but I felt like,
"I have to just look."

And I go to lift it up.

I don't know what I saw.

ELLIOT: As a kid,
you kind of absorb this energy

of your surroundings.

NARRATION: We weren't
just absorbing energy.

There was a long list of
instructions we had to follow,

no questions asked.

MOM: [video] I'm serious.
Don't forget.

The safety things
are most important, okay?

Leave the outdoor lights on.
Put the alarm on.

Keep the blinds down.

[doorbell rings]

MELISSA: We had an alarm system,

and that alarm system had
to be kept on all the time.

Not just at night; all day.

ELLIOT: It felt like he was

going a little bit overboard
with details.

ELLIOT: Could I have
asked what he does?

MELISSA: There was a lot of
times that we tried,

and we got shut down.

[children yelling]

MELISSA: Dad could
at times be verbally volatile.

ELLIOT: There's always
that thought of, like, you know,

what if he directs
his anger at me?

NARRATION: When
he was like that,

he could yell and slam doors,

or leave the house in a rage.

MELISSA: I feel like
we were just so programmed.

"Don't acknowledge
what is happening."

Yeah, our friends all knew
what their parents did for work.

But we had no clue.

-And it made me feel
very uncomfortable.

[children singing]

MELISSA: I made something up,

which was the first time

that I lied to protect
myself and my family.

NARRATION: We were taught
to keep our heads down

and our mouths shut.

But I just couldn't do it.

- [people cheering]
- [cameras clicking]

NARRATION: There I was,
on a hit TV show,

drawing attention to myself,

standing in the biggest
possible spotlight,

but I was afraid of
who might be watching.

-I had recurring nightmares.

Mine were about
being taken for ransom.

I don't know
who would be taking me.

NARRATION: For me,
the nightmares started

when I was ten.

I had the same one for 25 years.

I'm a kid, and the front door
of my house is being kicked in.

- [door crashes open]
- [alarm blaring]

[gun cocks]

NARRATION: All kids
have nightmares.

They see things
that aren't really there.

But this wasn't our imagination.

It was real.

I found this tape
in my parents' basement.

MICHAEL: Just read
the title for me.

-Oh my God.

[crying]
Okay.

MICHAEL: What does it say?

WOMAN: [video] This is
Melanie Cassandra Lobel.

"Give to police
if either are abducted."

WOMAN: This is
Michael Ryan Lobel.

No birthmarks or scars.

NARRATION: Seeing my sister
like this hits me hard.

My parents thought lying
was the best way to protect us.

My mom doesn't
feel that way anymore.

DAD: But we're doing alright.

MOM: We've lived
in the shadows for so long.

I can't do it anymore.

I can't go to my deathbed with
this shadow hanging over me.

NARRATION: I secretly record
my parents' conversation.

MOM: I've had anxiety my whole
life trying to keep it...

DAD: I understand that,
I understand that.

MOM: under wraps.
And it's killed me.

So I want to be free of it.

NARRATION: My dad finally
agrees to an interview...

but on one condition.

The footage stays in his safe
until after he's dead.

MICHAEL: Lights.

♪

MICHAEL: So, if you
were to honestly say

what the title
of your job was...

-Mm-hm.

MICHAEL: What would you say?
"I was a..."?

-I, um...

MICHAEL: What's
the term for that?

MICHAEL: What's
the term for that?

-Drug dealer.

-My dad was a drug dealer.

-If this doesn't put me in jail,
I don't know what will.

NARRATION: My dad told me
the truth a few years ago,

but he swore me to secrecy.

He only told
my siblings recently.

ELLIOT: I forget everything
about the wording,

but I remember he told me.

-I thought, "Okay, this is just,
like, a whole local thing."

I have no concept beyond that.

MICHAEL: How did you
start in the business?

-Well, it's a little fuzzy
about the...

how it... how it came about.

-Yeah.

Um, we're gonna
have to put ourselves back

into those places
that we were in.

-Yeah.

-You know,
I'm giving you permission

to put yourself
in some of those moments.

-But first, you want me
to go through Dante's Inferno?

DAD: Well, your uncle Allan was
in the pot and hash business.

MICHAEL: So,
he rubbed off on you?

-Oh, I'd say he had.

I was in my early 20s
and looking for work,

and he came to me and said,

"Would you like to make
some extra coin?"

He had me doing deliveries.

-You start doing deliveries.
Then what?

-Just bigger deliveries.

- How much bigger?
- Well, you know, I mean...

how much bigger?
Um...

[chuckles]

I don't... I don't know
how to answer that.

I mean, it was just
like supply and demand.

-Well, listen, Dad, you're not
standing on a street corner

- selling dime bags.
- No.

No, no, no, moving

different-size
weights of things,

and moving them
to different customers.

NARRATION: I know
this won't be easy.

My dad has spent his whole life
evading questions.

MICHAEL: Okay, so let's just
get back to how this stuff

is coming into the country.

It's coming in myriad
different ways.

- Yeah.
- What are those ways?

-Well, the planes,
trains, and automobiles.

There's things that kinda...

-But you're not gonna tell me?

-I mean, you know, just, like...

watch the movies, you know?

They, uh...

MICHAEL: It's bugging me
a little bit,

how you're coming at this.

-What do you mean?
Well, tell me what you...

-You're moving product
from A to B?

You're filibustering.
You're...

-There's not much more to it,
I'm sorry.

-Well, there is more to it.

NARRATION: My dad managed
the distribution

of thousands of pounds
of marijuana and hashish.

MICHAEL: Well, no,
but, you know,

I need you
to talk about this stuff.

NARRATION: When Uncle Allan
left the business,

my dad expanded.

He was importing product from
Mexico, Nepal, Afghanistan.

But as his operation expanded,

so did the danger.

In the '90s, marijuana
and hashish were prosecuted

like cocaine and heroin are now.

Sentences could range
from several years

to life in prison.

Watching his back 24/7
affected him.

MOM: He was paranoid.

This particular night,

your father
was really freaking out.

He felt like there was a threat.

We dragged the mattress
down the stairs

into our living room

because he just wanted
to make sure that he could hear

anybody breaking in.

-I could feel the amount
of tension at home.

Like, what are we
trying to keep out?

NARRATION: By the time
I was old enough to understand

some of what was going on,

I was hearing whispers
at family events.

-This conversation is censored.

NARRATION: The secrecy
started early

in my parents' relationship.

And one day,
my dad just disappeared.

MOM: It was probably
a few months into dating,

and then I don't hear from him.

He fell off
the face of the Earth.

-Tell me about that.

-That is the question
you need to ask your father.

-Can you tell me about
the time that you disappeared?

-No.
Absolutely not.

NARRATION: I decide
not to push my dad on this.

Instead, he offers to show me
what a typical work day

looked like.

MICHAEL: You leave the house,
you get up.

DAD: Yeah.

-What's your morning routine?

-If I was doing a delivery,
I'd go to the garage,

and I'd pick up what I needed.

- Garage?
- That's right.

NARRATION: My dad
had two garages

and another car
we didn't know about.

DAD: Right there.

MICHAEL: So,
that's a pretty big size.

-Yeah.
I come in early morning,

I park,
and I do my thing inside.

-Then what?

-Trains, planes,
and automobiles.

-Can you give me the...
Sort of the quick play-by-play,

the run-through?

NARRATION: It turns out,
he can.

-Um...

♪

DAD: There's always somebody
bringing in product

from Pakistan,
from Thailand, from Mexico.

Somebody had a load come in.

We figured,

"How are we gonna get that
back to Canada in two days?"

And so we ended up
leasing a corporate jet.

♪

NARRATION: Dad starts telling
me what he did, in detail.

He wants me to know
how good he was at his job.

-They called me Swift Arrow.

"This guy's, like, you know,
just as fast as an arrow."

♪

DAD: I was playing a role,
and I got good at it.

In fact, people said to me,
"You look like a narc."

I said, "That's great."
I said, "It's working."

A week or two weeks later,

I'd get a call from somebody
to meet me,

and I'd have a bundle of money.

Then I'd go home and relax,
you know?

Dad's back, and all of a sudden,

we're packing our bags
to the islands.

A lot of the people
I worked with were married

or had families and kids.

And we'd come back and we'd
pick up where we left off.

♪

And of course,
there were stressful times,

like the time
that I ran into a store

to get something
Mom asked me to get,

and I look...

The car is on
the back of a tow truck

with about $350,000
of cash in it.

That caused some stress.

But I got it back.

♪

[plane engine roaring]

[children shouting]

CHILDREN: Five, four, three,

two, one!

[plane engine roaring]

MICHAEL: I just want to know

what risk it was to us,
you know?

-Yeah, well, I'm trying
to tell you the risks.

So, everything that I'm telling
you about how I operated

my business, I kept
everybody in the family safe.

So I must have done a good job.

ELLIOT: He might be
bending certain things

to make it seem less intense.

Or maybe he's even tricked
himself into thinking

things are less serious
than they are.

-Aside from my paranoia,

you didn't know
or see things that happened.

I was just a little jumpy.

-No, but you answered the door
with weapons sometimes;

you'd reach
for some blunt object.

-Well, how often
did that happen?

-It felt like a feature
of my childhood.

-[scoffs]
No.

-I saw it happen.

-What I'm saying is that
some of the chaos that went on

in my business,
I never brought that home.

-You don't think you brought
it home, but you did.

-No, you don't know chaos until
you've been in my business

with the shit that went down.

You have no idea.

NARRATION: That disappearance
my mom talked about,

my dad tells me
he was kidnapped.

-I was, you know...

abducted by bikers.

-He never told me that
till we had been married.

NARRATION: Around
about the time

he started dating my mom,

he travelled to upstate New York

to pay an associate's debt.

The bikers wanted
more than he had on him,

so they took him hostage.

DAD: For three days,
I was chained up in a closet.

I was expecting that
to be the end of my life.

They took me to a payphone,

and I'm making phone calls
to people I know.

The last person said,
"Yeah, sorry, buddy,

"but I can't help you."

And as soon as I heard that,
and I realized this was the end,

that there was no way
I was gonna get out of this,

they probably
were gonna kill me,

I just dropped the phone
and ran.

I didn't care what they were
gonna shoot me or whatever;

I was just running.

-And then I heard the car.

"I gotta get
the hell off this road."

I saw a hill.
There's a house up there.

I started banging on the door,

screaming for somebody
to let me in.

And the bikers,
they pulled up the driveway.

And I'm yelling,
"They're gonna kill us!

"Call the police!
They're gonna kill us!"

Somebody gets out of the car
and grabs me by the waist,

and they're pulling me,
and I'm hanging on to the frame.

Then the owner of the house
comes out with a poker

from his fireplace,

and he's hitting the biker,
trying to get him off me.

He's, like, trying to save me.

[distant sirens]

MAN: Come on!
Run!

MAN 2: Let's go!

-If you hadn't have
gotten out of that situation,

then we wouldn't be here.

-That's correct.

NARRATION: My dad's kidnapping
governed my parents' behaviour

for the next 40 years.

MOM: We were so diligent
in watching over you kids.

And, see, we thought
that we were sheltering

the three of you.

But you felt it.

MELISSA: As a parent, to think
that that's what was happening,

I thought, "Honestly,
like, how dare you?"

If he was gonna get taken,
how would the family survive?

How would Mom survive?

DAD: 454 technically
is a correct pound.

They always bust you
on a Thursday night

or a Friday night.

NARRATION: Suddenly I'm getting
half a lifetime's worth

of overdue parental advice.

DAD: If you're being
tailed by somebody,

then you're being tailed
by a group of people.

MICHAEL: Right.

NARRATION: Except it's
a crash course in smuggling.

I think I've convinced my dad
that making this movie

will fix our family's problems.

I may have convinced myself.

But Elliot thinks our problems
go way beyond Dad's secret.

-The secret is not so much
what I was concerned with.

For me, it was more related

to just my relationship
with Dad.

-Right.

-Because I don't
trust him emotionally.

NARRATION: Mel thinks
Elliot's right.

It's not about the secret.

It's about something else.

-It's so hard to crack this,
like, armored layer that he has.

And he does it for everybody
externally out of the house,

but unfortunately,
he does it with his own kids.

ELLIOT: Yeah, it's like
he's made a really good

version of himself.

And so it's like, well, what is
like the real person there?

NARRATION: It's not
that Dad had secrets.

It's about what keeping
those secrets did to him.

ELLIOT: I think
it's normal to be angry,

but the way it was externalized,

it was just, like, explosive.

[child yelling]

MOM: A lot of it
was incredible shouting.

ELLIOT: I had, like,
a little blanket that I coveted.

Dad was mad...

Took my blanket and ripped it
to pieces in front of me.

I can try, but I would be
dishonest with myself

if I thought I could, like,
fully trust this person.

MELISSA: The temper
that Dad carried,

it was so big in the house.

You didn't want to do anything
that was going to push that

to the next level.

So, Mom and Dad were out;
I would go around and tidy.

This was my way of feeling like
I could control something.

-Control the chaos.

-That's right.

-You got the brunt of it
because you kind of push,

you know, the boundaries.

-Do you think we got along?

-We didn't get along
during your teen years,

but that was because you were...

You were acting out
as a teenager.

-You think it was
'cause I was acting out?

-Well, it wasn't my fault
that you went all goth.

-Dad, you were trying
to kick me out

since I was 13 years old.

NARRATION: He'd kick me out,

and my mom would let me back in.

Then, at 22,
I just didn't go back.

I moved in
with my indie rock band

and we hit the road.

It wasn't stable...

-Breakfast!

NARRATION: But I was free.

[rock music]

-I do remember you
coming back and saying,

"Thank you for that
because it really helped me."

-I know you don't
want to go there.

-What do you mean?
Is that not true?

-We're at each other a lot.

-I know, but is this about
our relationship?

♪

MICHAEL: Did you ever ask
Melanie and Elliot

how they felt growing up
in those circumstances?

-Melanie's a really
tough egg to crack.

I can't talk to her
about anything.

Or she doesn't even hear me,
you know?

-But don't you think
that might have to do

that she's got
some feelings about it?

-Well, there's no... I don't
know what else I could do.

MELISSA: If Dad really wants to
truly repair his relationship,

have the last chapter
of his life

to be the most
authentic chapter...

then he needs
to stop pretending.

♪

MOM: I suffer from
cervical dystonia.

The involuntary
muscle contractions

of my neck and tremoring.

I have to have injections
every two months

so I can be free of the pain.

DOCTOR: Turn a little bit
to the right.

- Ah...
- Your head.

-I'm trying.

[sighs]

MICHAEL: I'm worried about you.

-Mm.

-A few years ago, you were
in a really dark place.

-Yep.

My life is just running
from different fears.

It was hard,
just holding the secret.

It was too difficult.

I felt like
"I don't want to be here."

If it were all over,

I'd be out of
all the challenges.

I wouldn't have to
face them anymore.

NARRATION: When my siblings
and I realized

what was happening,

we got our mom help.

She saw a doctor who recommended

cognitive behavioural therapy.

And slowly,
she got back on her feet.

ELLIOT: [video]
So, can I have the other half?

NARRATION: My dad is
a smart guy.

He knew we were
all having problems.

He even knew where
his problems came from.

They didn't all come
from dealing drugs.

[static]

DAD: My father
was a straight arrow.

Everybody liked him.

I couldn't stand him.

I hated him.

You know, he used to hit me.

He humiliated me.

If there was something
you said he didn't like,

that right hand went out
and slap across the face.

I was on pins and needles
always with him,

what to say and not to say.

I realized I could not
handle school.

I couldn't even, like,
read assignments.

I was picked on,
I was beaten up.

They called me "Dirty Jew,"

and... yeah.

Oh, yeah, they had
all sorts of things to say.

So I ran away
to join the ballet.

NARRATION: If you can
believe it,

my dad's first passion
was dance.

DAD: Like, when they say
somebody runs away

to join the circus,
that's what I did.

Yeah, never looked back.

["Waltz" from Swan Lake ]

DAD: I found a family
that embraced me,

that didn't judge me at all.

Over time, I started
transforming myself.

It's the first time I was
actually doing something

where I was achieving a goal.

The one big one that stood out
was doing The Ed Sullivan Show.

I was 15.

It was really exciting.

And then...

I ended up injuring myself.

[thunder clap]

I could barely walk.

I didn't want to accept it,
right?

I really needed to get
it operated on,

but I couldn't do it.
I guess I was afraid.

I wasn't dealing
with the problem;

I was running away from it.

I knew that I can't do it,
that I can't dance.

And I left.

Yeah, it was...

a kick to my ego.

My soul, really,
because I loved dance;

it was my whole life.

My career ended
after only seven years.

DAD: And then...

Allan popped into my life.

He made me an offer
I couldn't refuse.

MICHAEL: Why didn't you stop?

Take the safer route?

-It's all I knew how to do.

And at the same time,
I also believed in it.

So I was kind of like
a minor crusader at the time.

I thought it should be legal,
and it shouldn't

be anybody else's business.

-I don't agree with it.

Now it's spoken of
as being legal,

but that's now, that's today.
That's present day.

There's such a sense of pride
that he carries

about what he did,
a dismissal of

how this has affected
the entire family.

MOM: He was always caught
in this quagmire

of having to support a family.

He never had confidence
in himself to do something else.

BOTH: "Seven Point Cannabis."

-It's kind of
a classy-looking joint.

-Yeah, very.

NARRATION: My dad
quit the business

years before legalization.

MOM: Eventually,
your dad wanted out.

DAD: The bad elements
started moving in.

The bikers, the Mafia.

Man, I don't want to be
in this business anymore.

[soft guitar music]

NARRATION: When my dad
opens up about his past,

I can empathize with him.

I can identify.

And I'm not alone.

MELISSA: I'm very hard on myself
when that temper comes out.

And unfortunately,
it happens with, you know,

partners that I've been with.

Yeah, that's a side of me
that I don't...

I really don't like.

-Mm-hm.

I don't have it at all.

-[laughs]

-And I also feel
horrible about it,

and I'm trying really hard.

-Same.

NARRATION: Both my sister and I
have carried our tempers

into our adult lives.

We want to be better.

There's a strange comfort
in saying it all out loud,

and I wonder why we haven't
all sat down to talk.

What I was saying before
about Melanie and Elliot,

we haven't sat down...

-That's right.

- and talked about this
as a family.

-I know.
I know that.

- At all.
- No.

The two of them
are so hard to get through to.

MICHAEL: I just think
if you open the door to them

and just say, "I want to talk,
I want to hear from you,

"I want to know what you think,
and I want to just listen,"

I think that would be
really powerful.

-Yeah, I think it would be good.

NARRATION: But...
we weren't good.

♪

[static]

[line trilling]

-After a crew member
misplaces my dad's car keys,

my dad loses his temper...

and quits the film.

[cell phone ringing]

MICHAEL: Oh, it's him.

Hello?

-What didn't I understand
about what...

-They're on their way
right now, Dad.

[dogs barking in distance]

NARRATION: I'm not sure
I want this anymore.

MELISSA: [phone] You're never
going to feel the closeness

that you think you have
with your children.

And if you want to take that to
your grave, be my guest, buddy.

MICHAEL: [sighs]
Now I feel foolish

because Dad will never change.

MELISSA: But Michael, there's
nothing you can do about it.

MICHAEL: I actually think
if Mom wasn't around,

he probably would never call us.

MELISSA: He wouldn't.

NARRATION: This is always
the risk with my father.

If you push him too hard,
he walks away.

It's like disappearing
is how he survives.

He's done it with Damian,
my older half-brother

from my father's first marriage.

MOM: [video]
Merry Christmas, guys!

-They have a very
complicated relationship.

NARRATION: My father
supported Damian financially,

though they've
sometimes been estranged.

MICHAEL: When I was a kid,
I asked him what you did.

DAD: And what did he say?

MICHAEL: "I don't know
what Dad does."

-Right, so,
and he still doesn't.

-Why haven't you
told him yet, though?

-I don't consider him
part of this family.

-But he is your son,
and surely...

-Yeah, but he wasn't
part of my life.

He was a distant
relative, really.

It's not the same dynamics,
and I certainly

wouldn't have told him
before I told you guys.

MICHAEL: Would you
consider telling him now?

-I have no reason
to tell him outright.

NARRATION: I can relate
to Damian.

My dad blows up,

and then it's like
it never happened.

It's his pattern.

♪

DAD: Were you expecting
something to come out of this?

What were you thinking?

MICHAEL: I was hoping to, like,
come out of it feeling closer.

-A-ha.

-I thought it was happening,
and then we had that blow-up.

-[laughs]
Yeah, that blow-up just had...

All that had to do with just me
panicking on losing control.

And I'm sorry
I took it out on you,

but it was really me
I was angry at.

MICHAEL: It reminded me of,
like, old Dad.

- The old days?
- It scared me.

-That won't happen again.
Trust me.

-Listen, I want to have
a relationship with you.

-Yeah, I know.
I do, too.

-Because you and Zaide didn't
really get along very well.

-That's what also hurts, is when
I behave the way I do with you.

He did shit like that, so...

-Is there a way that you could
see him as just a person

that's flawed, like me,
like you, in that way?

-Yes, yeah.

-That maybe he also
didn't like himself

when he behaved like that?

-Yes, yeah, yeah.
He talked one day...

I think he was saying to me,
he said,

"I'd like to know
what it is you do."

MICHAEL: Your dad?

-Yeah, like, "Is there
something I could do?"

DAD: He drove product
across the border for me.

The best profile
is like a senior citizen.

He'd never done anything
dishonest in his whole life.

But his reasoning was he wanted
to spend some time with me.

MICHAEL: Your dad literally
became a drug mule.

He went to those lengths
to connect with you.

-Yeah.

And you're doing this
to connect with me?

All right, I get that.

Yeah.

NARRATION: My dad decides
to give me back the footage...

-Okay.
There you go.

NARRATION: while
he's still alive.

-Don't lose 'em.

♪

NARRATION: My siblings agree
to talk to my dad,

but only if he's the one
who asks them to.

MELISSA: Am I going first?

NARRATION: He does.

MOM: Hi.
MICHAEL: Come on in.

MICHAEL: Mom, do you
want to sit over there?

Dad, you can sit here.

I guess I'll start with...

how are you guys feeling?

-Nervous.

MOM: You know,
I really don't know

how it affected
the three of you.

I want to hear that.

-I do have a question.

Were you in it
before you met Mom?

-Oh, yeah.

MOM: Yes.
DAD: Yeah.

-It was around
a month and a half

after we had been dating...

DAD: I sat her down
and I told her what I did,

thinking, "Well,
that will be the end of that."

[chuckles]
Maybe that was your big mistake.

MICHAEL: You never thought,
"At some point,

"my kids are probably
gonna wanna know,

"'Hey, what did you do for work
all these years?'"

-Well, why didn't
you ever ask me?

- We did.
- We did.

- Did you?
- Yeah.

-No, I don't even
remember you guys

ever coming and confronting me
and saying...

-Well, you don't remember
a lot of things, Dad,

but that happened.
Like, that's the honest truth.

It happened.

The fact that we even
had to ask that question

is not common, right?

-It wasn't a lie to me.
It was just protection.

You know, making
a bubble around the family,

where there was no risk
of that outside world

getting in there
and affecting you guys.

-I was so hung up
over what you did

that I didn't want
to talk to you about anything.

- MOM: Yeah, I got that vibe.
- We got that.

-I was angry that that
was a path that you chose,

knowing it could have
the potential

of putting your whole family
in jeopardy.

-Believe it or not,
I believed in it.

I believed the fact that
it was illegal was wrong.

Lo and behold,
the country legalized it.

They caught up to my thinking.

-I can intellectually
understand that,

but I feel like
you're downplaying the risks.

-I went to great lengths
to secure our life.

Otherwise, you would
have felt the bumps of things

happening a lot,
like that were...

- We did feel the bumps.
- No, but nothing specific.

Nobody kicked open the door,
you know?

-But we had nightmares

that people were
gonna kick open the door.

DAD: I understand, but nothing
over that whole period of time

actually materialized.

-I spent a lot of time, like,
overhearing you guys getting in,

like, these incredible rows.

-Yeah, I don't know that
I felt safe, like, emotionally.

Because you do understand
that the environment

that you create at home
impacts your children

and the people
that live with you.

-Very often, like, we were
walking around on eggshells.

-We were your release.

So when you got home,
like, you took it out on us.

-You know, I was on
fight-or-flight kinda mode.

-The consequences, though,
were that, you know,

if you got busted,
we might have no dad.

-Well, listen,
people get busted all the time,

and they still end up
getting out of jail, and...

-Do you think that
would have not impacted us?

-Yes.

-Like, we would have been like,
"Oh, our dad went to jail.

"Oh, yeah, okay."
Mom doesn't work...

DAD: I would have gotten out.

MELISSA: You had
no control over that.

- MICHAEL: Elliott?
- [sighs]

ELLIOT: When you guys
would have arguments,

like, I wish there was something
I could have done.

-There was nothing
you needed to do.

-[crying]

MOM: That wasn't
your responsibility.

-I'm sorry.

[soft, poignant music]

♪

♪

MICHAEL: Are you okay, Elliot?

-I'm okay.

-I'm sorry for... if it...
You know...

It's all I have right now,
is a sorry. And, uh...

I did it with Mike,
like, a few weeks ago.

MELISSA: Yeah.

-And I feel terrible about it.

Yeah.

MELISSA: You know,
when I look at Dad

when he's like that,

and I feel like
I'm looking in the mirror.

-You got that from me,
unfortunately.

MICHAEL: And you saw
your dad do that.

DAD: I saw my dad do that.

Until it stops, it keeps going.

-Yeah.

-Right?
Until we stop it here.

-I trust that you love me.

I'm still gonna take time

to work towards
trusting you more.

-Yeah.

-But I accept your apology.

-Thank you.

-You don't have to put on
any front anymore, right?

And I think that's gonna take
some time and work for you

to understand what that is.

-Yeah, it will.

-Because I'm not really sure
that you even know

who the real Eric is anymore,

because of how many
different faces you had to wear.

-Faces I wore.
Yeah, yeah.

- That was the past.
- Yeah.

-I'm assuming you don't
do this anymore.

- No.
- Okay.

Just... just clarify that.

NARRATION: I know people
don't change overnight.

It takes time...

and courage.

DAD: My little daughter.

-Yeah, I know, Dad.

I hope you don't have
any other daughters.

That would be a real shock.

-Would it?

MELISSA: Yeah.
[chuckles]

-I do.

- What?
- Mm-hm.

-You don't want me
to lie anymore, do you?

-Wow.

NARRATION: My dad's not kidding.

He's never met
his other daughter,

but she'd be in her 50s by now.

I guess if you ask
for the truth,

you have to be open
to receiving it.

-Oh my God.
Oh!

NARRATION: At least now we have
a chance to understand it.

ELLIOT: I guess I feel like less
burdened about the situation.

There's not, like, something
in the back of my mind

that I'm, like, holding onto.

NARRATION: Telling each other
the truth

has changed something for us.

MOM: It gave you and your
siblings some kind of peace.

MICHAEL: But what do you
get personally for you,

that's not about
what your kids get?

-It's a weight
off of my shoulders.

Yeah.

MELISSA: For what they did,
to be able to raise three kids

that have all
grown up into adults

and are having
families of their own,

that's, you know,
pretty remarkable.

So, out of all of this,
like, craziness...

[laughs emotionally]

We're not that screwed up.
[laughs]

DAD: Now, I'm not sure
I'm gonna show up

at premiere night.

-Why not?
Are you afraid?

-Yeah, no, no, I'm not...
I'm not afraid anymore, no.

♪

♪

ELLIOT: [video]
Michael!

NARRATION: What kind of father
will I be?

I just hope I get to find out.

WOMAN: Start with your name.