Original subtitles

Breakfast.

I'm going.

I thought I'd say good-bye.

Gentlemen, again, all the best. Take good care.

Good luck and good-bye.

It's been fun.

Here you go, sir.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

I'm here to see the director of the Secret Service.

Okay, thanks.

Is there any place where I could put my bags?

- Yeah, take them through there. - Thanks.

Okay.

Congratulations, you've done a terrific job on a tough detail.

Thank you, sir. It wasn't that tough, actually.

Summersville, Ohio, is not exactly the centre of the universe, of course...

...but it's a nice quiet little place.

Guarding Mrs. Carlisle gave me the time...

...to pick up a few more hours towards my master's.

Great.

Of course, now I am hoping for a little more active assignment...

...maybe back in the White House.

Or a criminal assignment out of New York or L.A.

- Sure. Look, why don't you sit over here? - Yes, sir.

Joan.

- Can we have some coffee? - Certainly, it'll be just a moment.

How is she these days? What's she like?

Well, there's the public person who's, you know, adored.

Then there's the private person, who can be pretty difficult to deal with...

...if you don't know how to handle the situation.

And you did.

I guess, about as well as anybody, I suppose.

I don't envy my replacement, I'll tell you that.

On the other hand, I was in her husband's White House and saw her in better times.

She has her good days and her bad days now.

You could say, she's several different personalities in one...

...like many people.

One of her personalities called the White House last night and asked the President...

...if he could arrange for you to stay with her for another tour.

The President?

I can't go back there.

I can't do three more years there. I can't do three more minutes there.

It's the worst assignment there is in the Service.

Well, then we've got a problem because the President is asking you...

...to return to Mrs. Carlisle as a personal favour to him.

What if I say no?

I'll call him and tell him you said no.

Why don't you take a moment to think it over?

I'll check on the coffee.

In New Jersey, ice trapped three dolphins...

...in an inland waterway, Wednesday, frustrating rescuers' efforts to free them...

Where's the Columbus paper? Who's got it?

Just checking my horoscope.

I told you, she can tell if someone has read it before her.

Sorry.

- 'Morning, Doug. - 'Morning.

- What are you doing here? - Long story.

- Everything okay in Washington? - Yeah.

Just back to pick up your accoutrements?

- Speak English. - Just back to pick up your shit?

No smoking.

Why can't I smoke? She never comes down here.

It doesn't matter. It's a rule.

Look, frankly, I for one am shocked to see you back here.

- Are you? - Yeah.

I thought you'd be guarding Jackie O by now...

...standing outside the Russian Tea Room for hour after hour in the freezing snow...

...when she was inside having lovely little cakes...

...and chatting to her fashionable friends.

Here.

- I'll do it this morning. - Thank you.

Good morning.

Breakfast.

Come in.

- Douglas, darling? - Yes, ma'am?

You seem to have dropped some of my things on the floor.

Would you be kind enough to pick them up for me?

Yes, ma'am.

That's a good boy.

Do I still have influence in that evil little town...

...or have they forgotten about me? - Ma'am, with all due respect, why me?

Because I like you. And I must say, my feelings are a bit hurt...

...that anyone would be that anxious to get away from me.

Well, I certainly don't mean to hurt your feelings, Mrs. Carlisle...

...but my assignment here is finished and I'd like to get back to Washington.

Washington is a dead-end town, career-wise...

...unless you're there just to make money, which I'm sure you wouldn't be.

I'd like to go back.

Well, I'm sorry, but I need you here.

- Mrs. Carlisle? - Yes?

I'd just like you to know that I came back of my own free will.

As an S-A-l-C, I could have refused this assignment, but I didn't.

- S-A-l-C? What is that? - You know very well what that is.

- No, I don't. I really don't. - Yes, you do.

Don't tell me what I know and don't know, young man. That's not your place.

What is a "SAIC"?

S-A-l-C stands for Special Agent in Charge.

I see. A special agent, are we? And in charge, no less.

You rarely meet someone who's a secret agent, who's also in charge.

And why is he in charge? Well, because he's so doggone special.

You did not come back here of your own free will.

If you had a free will, you'd be miles from here.

I have some very exciting news for you.

I have an inoperable brain tumour.

I have bought you and your men a Scud missile launcher.

We are going to the opera in Columbus. Which of those do you think is true?

When?

I would like to drive to Columbus a week from Friday.

Yes, ma'am. May I say, it is good to see you getting out again.

- Is it? - Yes, ma'am.

Thank you, that's very patronising of you.

I suppose you couldn't care less about opera.

No, ma'am. I couldn't.

Of course not. You're a typical red-blooded American male.

You'd probably rather watch the reruns of Mister Ed on television, wouldn't you?

Tell me.

If you had to choose between opera and Mister Ed?

I'd choose Mister Ed.

In a second.

- You're so honest. - Yes, ma'am, I try to be.

Well, good for you, Agent Dougie.

Now put my rosebud on the tray and get out.

As you can see, I'm extremely busy.

Yes, ma'am.

I expect him any minute. I'll tell him as soon as he comes in.

All right. Good-bye.

- Hi. - Hi.

She wants to see you.

Come on. I was just up there! She called the President.

Demanded I pull another tour. How do you like that shit?

- Why? - Because she likes me.

You don't think that's the real reason?

I don't know. Who knows with her?

She didn't say anything about liking me, did she?

It's got nothing to do with "like."

She doesn't want a new guy coming in here, shaking things up.

Trying to get things running right. She's got me broken in. She'll never let me go.

And now my master calls again.

Check this out, you guys.

Yes, in the city of Agua Dulce, when automatic weapon fire broke out...

...shortly after 2:30 local time, the President was quickly hustled away.

Secret service plainclothesmen...

You see those Special Tactics guys? They're everywhere.

...only seconds ago, applauded the American leader repeatedly.

The men we see with guns and rifles:

- Are they U.S. Secret service agents? - We believe that...

Tell her I'm busy. I'll be there in 15 minutes.

He says he'll be there in 15 minutes. Mrs. Carlisle?

You should go up.

What does she want? Chocolate?

Some kind of goddamn fruit drink?

What do we look like, waiters?

Are we waiters? We want to be there!

...charity or a speech.

Got it!

I'm coming.

I can't do three more years of this.

I told you never to bring a gun in this room. Now, get it out.

Yes, ma'am.

How dare you bring a gun in here!

- Sorry, Mrs. Carlisle. - That's all right.

That emergency alarm is to be used only in...

That alarm belongs to me and I will use it, by God, anytime I see fit.

I think it bothers the neighbours. Sorry.

- What is it you want? - I want to play golf.

- What? - Golf. It's a game.

My husband and I used to play it. Do you remember that?

Mrs. Carlisle, it's 38 degrees outside.

Thank you. Could you have the car ready in half an hour?

- Yes, ma'am. - Thank you.

Now, go on. Shoo! Go on.

Would you mind not standing there?

No, not there. Go over there where I can see where you are.

Didn't you guard Ford or Agnew or those people?

- No, ma'am. - All they ever did was play golf.

Yes, ma'am.

- Which was a real blessing for the country. - Yes, ma'am. No, I was too young.

- What? - I was too young to serve Ford or Agnew.

- Get back in the cart. Get in the cart! - Yes, ma'am.

What is this all about?

She sits up in her room for five years and now we've got golf.

And opera.

And opera. What's next?

Synchronised swimming.

Why are you making noise? We're trying to putt.

Sorry, ma'am.

Why don't you at least make yourselves useful?

- Will you come and hold the pin? - Yes, ma'am.

Putt!

Would you be kind enough to get my first ball, please?

I'm a secret service agent, Mrs. Carlisle, not a caddie.

You want that ball? I suggest you go get it yourself.

- Ralph! - Yo!

Since you've insisted on me staying here...

...I think you should know, I intend to do my job by the book.

Which means we don't run errands, we don't make snacks...

...and we don't check our guns at the door.

Now, if you don't like any of this, I suggest you call Washington...

...and get yourself a new man.

I'd be very careful if I were you, Agent. You're way out of your depth.

Let's switch. I've got to go up to the clubhouse.

Sure thing.

I told her, "No more calling us gofers with guns...

"...no more snacks during the night...

"...no more checking our weapons outside your bedroom door."

You said that?

In so many words.

What I basically said was, "From now on, we go by the book."

- And she stood for this? - She didn't say a thing.

Yeah, she tells me to go find her ball.

I said, "I'm not a caddie, I'm a secret service agent.

- "You want that ball, go find it yourself." - Come on.

- What are you, crazy? - No. Let me tell you why.

Doug, telephone.

Hello.

Mr. Chesnic?

Yes.

Please hold for the President.

Hello?

Hello.

- That you, Doug? - Yes, sir.

How are you?

I'm fine. And you?

Well, I got this call from Tess Carlisle...

...and I know this sounds a little crazy...

...but did you tear up some flowers of hers?

Doug, you there?

Yes, sir.

Something about a bunch of roses.

Well, no, it wasn't a bunch, sir.

Well, how many of them were there?

Just one, sir.

I see. And you tore it up, did you?

No, sir. I didn't tear it up.

Well, what did you do?

I merely removed the bud.

From her flower?

Yes, sir.

Okay, well, let's get past that for a second.

As you know, I was her husband's vice president.

Frankly, I owe a lot to the Carlisles. She seconded my nomination.

- I think you know that too. - Yes, sir.

So why don't we try and get along better over there in Ohio?

- What d'you say? - Yes, sir, absolutely.

I don't get it. One day she calls and says she can't live without you.

Next day, she's calling almost in tears.

So, maybe you two have some kind of sicko thing going on there...

No, sir. I can tell you that...

Any more phone calls from her and you'll be guarding my dog.

- You understand? - Yes, sir.

I've got the most important job in the world.

And I feel like a goddamn idiot having to call you about a goddamn flower.

You know what I mean?

I certainly do, sir.

What d'you say? You'll help me out on this one?

You can count on it, sir.

Thanks. That's what I wanted to hear. You have yourself a nice evening.

- Yes, sir. - 'Night.

If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.

Mrs. Carlisle, I've got your laundry and a Whopper.

- Who's this opera by again? - Mozart.

That's right. I saw a movie about him.

The guy was a complete jerk.

At the end of the movie, a guy comes to see him, wearing a party mask.

It's just a mask.

But it upsets Mozart so much that he drops over dead.

Just like that. I mean, what the hell kind of guy is that?

I don't know, Lee.

Here, don't shoot yourself.

Very funny.

Happy hunting.

Well?

- Sorry, ma'am. - This way.

Kill the engine.

Start the engine.

Earl.

- Yes, ma'am? - Do you like your job?

Yes, ma'am. A lot.

The protectee is never allowed to sit directly behind the driver.

That's a regulation. Nobody does it. Not the President. Not anybody.

The sun will be on that side and I do not want the sun.

Perhaps you could sit on the proper side, but slightly then to the middle.

Nope.

Excuse me, we are not leaving this house until you are seated properly...

...with your seat belt firmly fastened.

Jesus Christ, let her sit on the hood if she wants to.

Move it out, Earl.

We're rolling.

These family outings are all so stressful.

I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I want to go home.

I don't want to go to the hotel. And I'll never return to Columbus again.

Yes, ma'am. For what it's worth, I was just trying to help.

Your help is most precisely what I do not want.

When will you people get that?

Hello.

Please, no autographs right now. Thank you. Please, step back.

Thank you.

Mrs. Carlisle!

- Oh, Tess, hi! - Welcome to Columbus!

I'd vote for you.

We really appreciate that you're here.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming, Tess.

- What is this? I just wanted her autograph. - I'll do you one better.

Write me at this address. You'll get an autographed picture.

A picture, how wonderful. A picture.

A picture.

Well, thank you so very much! Very, very nice and wonderful!

I hope you enjoyed the opera as much as I did.

I've changed my mind. We'll stay in Columbus tonight.

Give 'em hell!

What do you care where she sits in the damn car?

She's supposed to be where the driver and I can see her at the same time.

Come on, Tommy.

I know that. That's not what I'm asking. This detail's a cupcake.

It may be the most boring detail in the service, but it's still a cupcake.

So why are you going to risk your career on crap like that?

Because it's not crap. It's my job.

I'll either do it right, take pride in it, or I'll find something else to do.

Okay, you're right. I can't argue. But I wouldn't piss her off.

Couple more phone calls to the White House and you'll be...

- Guarding the President's dog. - Bullshit. You'll be gone.

And you try to get a job out there now. Know what they want, Private Security?

They want guys that can bench press 9,000 pounds.

This is a good deal. You've let it get personal.

It's not personal.

Of course it is. She doesn't even know the rest of us are alive.

- How is she? - She's fine. But...

- Get rid of those. - Okay.

What about Ali-Tyson?

Ali, TKO, eighth round, in his prime.

All right, what about Mrs. Carlisle and Nancy Reagan?

- In their prime? - Yeah.

Mrs. Carlisle would knock Nancy out in the sixth or seventh round.

- Yeah, wouldn't go the distance? - No.

Two completely different fighters. Nancy doesn't have the big-time punch.

She throws these cutting left jabs and combinations.

Always in your face, unrelenting.

Mrs. Carlisle, she's a floater, a dancer, totally unpredictable.

Just when you think you got her where you want her...

...out of nowhere comes a right hand and Nancy's on Queer Street. End of fight.

- You're right. - I know I'm right.

I know, that's why I asked you.

Be a dear and get me a Baby Ruth, would you, please?

- Yes, ma'am. - Thank you.

Earl, go.

Mrs. Carlisle, I can't.

Who got you this job? Did they or did I?

Yes!

She took off!

I want you to pull over right now! You hear me, goddamn it?

- I'm sorry. - It's not your fault, it's my fault!

Should have seen it coming. Should have seen...

Just hold on a minute, Agent Chesnic, I'm going to put you on the speaker.

Is there someone else in the room?

No, I just want to practice my putting while we're talking.

What can I do for you?

Would you please put out an all points for Mrs. Carlisle's automobile.

It's a '92 Lincoln, Ohio plates...

...Kilo-Hotel-Oscar-3-6-2.

When last seen it was heading east on the Chester exit of l-71.

Just hold everything. Have I got this right?

Have you secret service boys gone and lost the President's wife again?

I don't believe there's any cause for concern here. She's with her driver.

She's perfectly safe, but proper procedure requires us...

...to notify you.

Of course it does. We'll get on this right now.

Thank you.

Agent Chesnic, Mrs. Carlisle is pretty slippery, isn't she?

I mean, for a senior citizen.

Hello?

Let's have a little stroll around the yard before we go in and talk to him, okay?

I want you to go in there and tell Earl to meet me in the office.

- Okay? - All right.

Thank you.

Everyone's mad at me, right? What am I supposed to do?

I'm just a driver, you know.

Goddamn it!

- You're through! You know that? - No, I don't know that!

- You don't know that? - I don't know that!

- Why don't you know that? - Come on!

Because she assured me that I was not going to be fired!

And in fact, I would have been fired if I hadn't done it.

Look.

You guys come and go, but I live here.

And I keep my job because of her!

You think I don't try to talk her out of these crazy things, but I got no choice!

Well, you're fired, Earl. Trust me.

Come in.

Did you enjoy yourself today?

Don't take that tone with me, Douglas.

Look, this is just stupid.

Which part?

Where I have to run away like a fugitive...

...in order to have one hour's worth of privacy?

Or the part where I am spoken to like a child?

I fired Earl. This has happened twice now.

No.

He is a driver in the employ of the Secret Service.

I can't do anything about the cook or nurse. They work for you.

But this guy works for us and he's gone!

He works for you because I told you people to hire him.

He's my chauffeur and he's staying!

You've got to let me leave this detail. I can't do my job effectively.

Whatever you like. You can go anytime you please.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

If I promise never to run away again will that do?

Ma'am, I am truly sorry but l...

For God's sake, Doug! I only went for a little drive.

It was a crazy thing to do.

Yes. Crazy, exactly. You should try it sometime, Douglas.

You should try going crazy yourself. Get a date.

You should have a martini. You should drive with the top down!

You should, better yet, give a tired old widow a break.

I am very sorry, Mrs. Carlisle, but the regulations...

Fine. Go. Whatever you want to do.

Just leave. One less gunman lounging around my house.

Take the whole bunch with you.

We are not gunmen, Mrs. Carlisle.

And since I am leaving for sure this time, I'd like to take this opportunity...

...to remind you that you can refuse secret service protection anytime.

But I believe you already know that.

That's brilliant, Doug. You think they'd really let me get away with that?

I don't know why not? Other people have done it!

But I think you like it!

I think you like having seven men...

...and no women agents, I notice, at your beck and call, day and night!

"Get a date."

- How dare you? - Good-bye, Mrs. Carlisle.

Get out! Get out of my house this instant!

And stay out!

Yeah?

This is Air Force One calling, stand by for the President.

- Doug? - Yes, sir.

How are you?

I'm fine, sir. How are you?

I'm not too good. I'm on my way to London.

Should be working on a speech for the Common Market.

Instead, I'm having a goddamn Tess Carlisle problem!

What the hell's that about?

Do you know that as of this morning, she has refused secret service protection?

Where the hell did she get an idea like that?

This woman is a national treasure!

Maybe we know what a pain she is, but we don't count.

It's what the goddamn voters think!

That's what counts. And they want her looked after.

- You understand me? - Yes, sir.

What if someone breaks into her house and cuts her throat!

- What about that? - I agree, sir. L...

How much doo-doo do you think I'd catch if it happened on my watch?

- Yes, sir. - Let me make it real clear.

Get over to her house, and straighten this out.

I'm counting on you and so is the country. You hear me?

Yes, sir. I'm on it right away!

That's what I wanted to hear. Thanks, buddy.

Next time you're in town, come over to the White House for dinner.

Yes, sir. I'd be honoured. I'll be there. Thank you.

Have a nice day, pal.

- Yes, sir. I will. - Bye-bye.

She told us to leave and take the flag.

I had to load the weapons in the station wagon.

Hello? That you, Doug?

Yeah. I want you to open the gate.

No way, Doug.

Come on, Jimmy, let me in there.

I'm acting on the authority of the President of the U.S.A.

So what, Doug? We got Mrs. Carlisle in here.

This is Frederick. I want you to listen very closely.

Jimmy and I are holding Mrs. Carlisle hostage.

And here is what we want.

We want $100 in unmarked bills.

And a helicopter, matching sports coats...

...and a videocassette of the movie Gigi.

Are you listening to me?

Hello, Earl.

Can you hear me?

Do me a favour. Can you talk to Mrs. Carlisle?

You owe me an apology.

Yeah, probably. Can you talk to her?

She isn't seeing anyone.

Do me a favour? Get her to let me in.

If she wants to go out, let me know. I'll be in the car.

- Okay. - Thank you.

I guess you might as well go home.

You guys go home, too. Get some sleep.

The three of us will take perimeter positions.

You take Maple. Ralph, go around back.

We'll take our cars. I'll sit out front. Let's load this stuff up.

- This is nuts. - You got a better idea?

The gate's opening. Do you read me?

- Yeah. We got you. - Copy that.

We're rolling. She's in the town car heading west.

Earl, pull over.

- What are you doing? - Mrs. Carlisle, we need to talk.

I took your advice. I did what you wanted. Now leave me alone. Drive, Earl.

- Stay with the car, please. - Yes, ma'am.

I was just on the phone to the President!

- Really? - Yes, ma'am.

- And he said that you should let the... - Get away from me!

Yes, ma'am.

Yes?

Barry.

This is Ralph. I'm going off duty right now. She hasn't been out of the house all day.

By the way, Frederick said Mrs. Carlisle's son is flying in tomorrow.

That's about it from here. Later.

Barry! Hello, my darling!

Hi, Mom!

Good to see you! You look so wonderful!

I missed you.

You'll bring in his luggage?

Come, come. Tell me all about your life.

This thing is the best project that I've seen in years, of its nature.

Here.

What we're talking about is 125 detached...

...and semidetached retirement villas.

Starting from a $125,000 Venice studio layout...

...going up to the Tuscany four-bedroom plan...

...which starts at $799,000.

And at least half of the villas have a view of the nine-hole golf course...

...designed by Taylor Frye.

The whole project's primo, Mom.

It's first-class the whole way.

The only problem... I don't really think of it as a problem...

...I think of it more like an opportunity, you know what I mean?

Some of the management got burned in the S & L mess a couple of years ago.

What we're looking to do now is to show people...

...that we are rock-solid.

And one way to do that is to get people of your stature to endorse the project.

All we would need would be a letter.

Just something for the brochure, saying you think the project's good...

...for older people looking for a sun-and-recreation-type lifestyle.

Only downside is, the bank's being tightfisted in Phoenix...

...'cause they made all those stupid loans.

We have got to show people they can trust the Hacienda Palms concept down the line.

No.

What?

I said no.

Shit!

What we're watching now is the kind of mandate...

...President Carlisle wanted from this convention.

This is, for all intents and purposes, a coronation rather than a nomination.

Jim Carlisle's gonna get everything he wants...

...from the delegates who seem ready to follow him into the...

...their stay at their home in Summersville.

The two met at Denison College and fell in love as undergraduates.

Interestingly enough, Tess Carlisle was the class president...

...and Jim was the lazy lacrosse-playing student with the C average.

In the rose garden, the President put aside his recent congressional woes...

...by welcoming award-winning Girl Scouts to the White House.

These young ladies...

Special bulletin: The President suffered a massive heart attack...

We are now looking at the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Of course, in the front row...

...is the President's daughter, Theresa, her husband.

They have two children and live in New York City.

On the other side of Mrs. Carlisle, the President's son, Barry...

...now a very successful businessman in the state of Arizona.

Very sad, sad day.

Very sad, sad day.

You scared me to death! You sneaked up on me.

I did no such thing.

- Yes, you did. - I did not!

Where did you come from?

I came from that gate on the side and I fully intend to go back the same way.

Wait, please, Mrs. Carlisle. Look, I was wrong.

About a lot of things.

Yes, about a lot of things...

...but I was really wrong about you refusing protection.

That's the one thing you were right about.

Do you suppose the average taxpayer has any idea how much money...

...is being spent to guard old political has-beens and their wives?

- I don't know. - My God, it's an outrage.

The cars and the manpower. It just makes me sick.

Just like Washington to spend money like that.

- Just like Washington. - Can we please talk for a second?

- About what? - About the detail coming back in.

No.

You came out here to ask me something. What was that about?

I was wondering if you'd like to have a cup of coffee.

Coffee keeps me awake, Doug. Even decaf.

I'd like to have a drink.

I take a drink occasionally, not often.

- Did you know that? - No, ma'am.

Well, I do.

If I located a bottle would you join me in a highball?

Yes, ma'am.

Boy, you're such a wild and crazy thing.

My daughter and I barely speak.

Unfortunately, I don't have a much-improved relationship with my son.

I don't blame them.

The children got screwed.

We got the governor's mansion, the Senate, the White House.

And they got this very peculiar childhood.

I say "we."

Jim and I were truly partners.

You must have known in the White House how much he depended on me?

Yes, ma'am. That was pretty common knowledge.

You must have known about my husband's occasional indiscretions?

Didn't think I knew about it, did you?

Well, did you?

Nobody thought I knew about it, did they?

Let's just keep that our little secret.

Yes, ma'am. You can count on me.

I know that.

Douglas, we're getting out of here.

I've talked about myself enough for one night.

- Let's talk about you. - Me?

There's nothing much to say, ma'am.

Come on, Douglas, of course there is.

For instance, what's it like guarding that crazy old bitch, Tess Carlisle?

Please.

It must get pretty screwy over there.

Woman lives like a hermit, likes to play golf in a snowstorm.

Just the rudimentary facts. Family, start there.

Family? My father is a retired cop.

My mother was a millinery buyer for a small department store.

Married, once, for seven months. Come on, Douglas.

You looked into my records.

My husband told me. I do not look into people's records.

Well? Was it painful or a fling?

Everybody seemed to know what she was really like, except me.

I'm sorry.

I just don't like people knowing about it because it's embarrassing to me that...

...I was married for such a short time.

You can count on me, Secret Agent Douglas Chesnic.

Special Secret Agent in Charge, Douglas Chesnic.

Congratulations, Special Agent Douglas.

You've been a very, very naughty boy, but now all is forgiven.

How'd you do it? How'd you talk your way back in here?

The simple answer is: She likes me.

Jimmy, ham and eggs, I think.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Good morning, Mrs. Carlisle.

The President is coming to Summersville.

We must prepare for that.

Will you have the cars and the machine guns ready in an hour?

Yes, ma'am.

Good. Thank you. Frederick. Perhaps some sit-ups.

I think it's a real feather in our cap to have the President coming...

...to the dedication of the final wing.

Do you?

Yes, ma'am.

I think it's a tempest in a teapot, but if the President insists on coming...

...what can I do but be gracious until the whole affair is over with?

Where do you plan to stage this thing, Mr. Porter?

I thought outside at your husband's sepulchre we'd put up a tent.

It's no great concern of mine and I'm delighted to leave it up to you...

...but I'd have the presentation in the reading room...

...with my husband's portrait as a backdrop.

Then I'd have refreshments in the library with the bar in the adjoining parlour.

What do you think of that, Mr. Porter?

I think that would be nice, too.

Thank you so much again.

I suppose you're all excited about the President visiting us country mice.

Yes, ma'am. I see this as a chance to get my people on their toes again.

Thinking sharp.

So you think they're dull, too?

Frederick, tell me:

Which of these exemplifies elegant disdain yet sincere concern?

That one.

You're good, you know that? You are very good.

I talked to them today. We'll have six of their guys inside, ten on the grounds.

But we're in charge of the physical plant.

Those guys are taking their orders from us.

Does she want to be known today?

Don't know her. Don't know her.

- It's got no price at all. - Yes, ma'am.

This is Bobby in canned goods. Are you near the manager?

I need a price check on La Soeur baby peas.

Repeat, La Soeur baby peas.

La Soeur baby peas?

They're on special today. Two for $0.59.

They're on special today. Two for $0.59.

Copy that. It's two for $0.59.

But I only want one.

Roger that, Doug. But she only wants one. Over.

How much for just one?

The same. It's a two-for-one thing.

Bobby, it's a two-for-one thing, so I suggest you go ahead and get both.

Copy that. I believe we've lost interest in peas.

Repeat, lost interest in peas. Canned goods, out.

- Someone's smoking in here. - Ma'am?

Someone is smoking in a grocery store.

Are you going to deal with this?

Yes, ma'am.

I want one of those temporary rinses. Not blue hair.

If it's blue, I'll just chop it all off.

- Yes, ma'am. - Okay, let's do it.

I suppose you better give it to her.

You're her secretary.

- I love this colour. Come in. It's just... - Mrs. Carlisle?

Douglas, hello. Come on, we're back here.

Yes, come in, come in!

What do you think of this?

I think you look beautiful.

Thank you.

I've got a fax here from Washington.

It's confidential.

Would you excuse us for just a moment?

The President's not coming. Pressing matters of state.

Well, we can relax then.

Yes, ma'am.

Will he be sending someone in his place?

Yes, ma'am, Secretary of Commerce, Yvonne Boyer.

Excellent. That will make your job a lot easier.

Yes, ma'am.

Would you please send the hairdresser back in...

...so she can collect her things?

Yes, ma'am.

The thing that my husband would be particularly proud of is that this centre...

...is a place of learning and contemplation.

He would have liked that very, very much.

What I am especially proud of is that we took a fine, wonderful old building...

...and we made it useful again.

That appeals to me...

...perhaps because I'm getting old myself.

In closing, I would like to thank Yvonne Kiki Hernandez-Boyer...

...for taking time out of her non-stop hectic schedule to be here with us today.

Thank you so much, Kiki, for coming.

You honour us all with your gracious company.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Yeah. Come in.

Yes, ma'am.

I'd like to go on a picnic tomorrow, down by the lake.

Yes, ma'am. They say it might snow tomorrow.

We can't just wait on summer now, can we?

I guess not.

I'd very much appreciate it if I could go with just you and not everyone else.

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you.

Is this better than Mister Ed?

Mrs. Carlisle, I think it's getting colder.

Would you leave me alone, please?

Yes, ma'am.

I'll get the chair.

Stop! Earl, stop! Damn!

- Office. - Are they back yet?

Yeah, Doug. Are they there?

- Who? Mrs. Carlisle? - Yes!

They're not here.

Aren't they with you?

No. Call everyone in. Come get me.

- Did they get back yet? - Nope.

- When did they take off? - About two and a half hours ago.

Jesus.

Who's this? Tom, they there?

Call Sheriff Janson and the highway patrol.

Tell them they're out joyriding again.

No problem, but inform them that there's no security with Mrs. Carlisle.

- Okay, thanks. - Washington?

No, not yet. We'll give them another hour.

Goddamn her for this.

Let's call Washington.

This is the worst moment of my life.

If she was taken, the people who did it must have been setting this up for months.

Did you notice anything suspicious at all?

No, sir.

Nothing at all?

No, sir.

I ought to call the President when we get to the Carlisle place.

Yes, sir.

It'll be almost midnight by then, Mr. Harrison.

That's no problem. He's up.

- Hello, Doug. - Hi.

- Thanks for coming in. - Sure.

Excuse me.

I would appreciate it if you'd put something under there...

...so that we don't scratch the table.

Why don't you come in here with me?

This is Charles Ivy, CIA.

Doug here is agent in charge for Mrs. Carlisle.

Mr. President, I've got Agent Doug Chesnic with me.

Does he want to speak with me?

No.

She has a full-time nurse. What's that for?

She's had some dizziness the last couple of years...

...and he monitors her medication, ensures she's eating right, that kind of stuff.

Seven well-trained, heavily armed men can't take care of one little old lady.

You disgust me.

Yes, sir.

Sheriff Janson's on the phone.

- Who's that? - Local sheriff.

- What's he got? - It's for Agent Chesnic.

Doug, why don't you take it in the kitchen?

He's the only one. That's about it.

All right. Fine.

They found the car on a country road.

Driver unconscious on the front seat.

He's being taken to a county hospital.

Mrs. Carlisle was not at the scene.

Jesus Christ.

Mr. President, Tess Carlisle has been kidnapped.

Unfortunately, the first officer on the scene drove through the tyre tracks.

Makes it tough to get fingerprints.

Yeah. You mean because of the rain?

It's out of our hands.

Definitely. I don't want to step on any more toes.

Let's check it out and see.

I thought you'd appreciate an update.

A plastic syringe was found on the floor of the front seat.

The lab says it contains a combination of extremely powerful drugs...

...Ketamine and Atavan.

Both are common, they're easy to steal and used together...

...would knock out a full-grown man within 10 seconds of being injected.

A big enough shot would keep him down for up to six, seven hours.

Which squares with how long your guy was out.

We take it as a good sign that they used the drug instead of killing.

The injuries on the back of the driver's neck...

...by the way, are burns, which is interesting.

They're in the shape of a small crescent, little smaller than a quarter.

My friends from the CIA think it might be a brand, a signature kind of thing...

...for a Middle Eastern terrorist organisation.

Also we spoke to Mrs. Carlisle's doctor.

Those pills that she takes for dizziness...

Actually, it's more serious than that.

She has an inoperable brain tumour. Did any of you know that?

Anyway, we'll have fibre and fingerprint reports by late afternoon.

And a note was found in the car's glove compartment...

...demanding $15 million.

Well, that's about it...

...except we're going to need these offices.

You can all go home if you want to, that's the best thing to do, I think.

Thanks.

Let's get any personal stuff and get out.

What's that nonsense about Middle Eastern terrorists?

Can you imagine Arabs slipping around here unnoticed for even 10 minutes?

And this syringe in the back of the car? Does that bother anybody else?

If these guys are such pros, why would they leave that behind?

It had to be left there on purpose.

How long has she been gone?

Twenty-two hours and thirty minutes.

Doug. Can I get a ride with you?

Yes.

Mrs. Carlisle hired me.

I know, Kimberly. We'll find her.

When others wouldn't.

We'll get hold of something.

I just want you to think about this:

Mrs. Carlisle's sitting in the back seat of the Lincoln, right?

If she's been taken off against her will, this woman's not gonna sit and take that.

She's gonna take some form of action.

So what does she have in the back seat as a weapon?

- I don't know. - Cigarette lighter.

Right there in the door. Makes a little round crescent-shaped burn.

How's it going? You getting anywhere?

We'll know more when all the lab stuff comes in.

If there's anything I can do, Mr. Shaeffer, or Doug...

...just ask me.

Thank you.

Earl, can we have a look at your neck?

- Yeah, I guess. What for? - It's just such a peculiar thing.

Let me get a nurse to help with the bandage.

What's this about?

He just wants to see the burns.

He thinks they're the key to this case.

- The burns? - Yeah.

See, I already told them I don't know how they got there. I was unconscious.

Could you sit up, please?

What do you think?

- About the burns? - Yeah.

- Well, we got a couple of ideas. - Like what?

Just ideas.

Thank you.

Well, I certainly hope you're not going to try to pin this on me.

I didn't arrange for Mrs. Carlisle to be out in the middle of nowhere...

...guarded by only one agent. That was not my idea.

And I also wasn't the one who hated Mrs. Carlisle with a vengeance.

That was Agent Chesnic here. Did he tell you that?

- Is that right? You hated her? - With a vengeance.

I actually like her very much.

Ask anybody. They argued all the time. Isn't that right, Doug?

Is it normal for an agent to argue with...

No.

No, of course it's not.

You should be asking him the questions. Hated her guts. True or false?

Look, she treated these guys like dirt, you know what I mean?

She threw them all out of the house a couple of weeks ago.

Can I have a cigarette?

Sorry, I don't smoke.

- Why are you suddenly upset, Mr. Fowler? - I'm not upset.

Well, wouldn't you be?

Look, I may be only the driver but I'm at least smart enough to know...

...you're not leaving without putting someone in jail.

Someone who doesn't have to be guilty.

Right? I mean, I read. I know how you guys operate.

You did it, didn't you, Earl?

Hey, the hell with you, Dougie.

It was easy, wasn't it?

Get him out. I'm not putting up with this!

- I don't have to take this. - All right.

- Okay. - Okay.

I'm going to have to warn you, Mr. Fowler. The FBI does now consider you a suspect.

That's just terrific!

Get a lawyer as soon as you possibly can.

Don't worry. I'm going to protect myself.

Where is she, Earl?

Speak to my lawyer, Agent Dougie.

That's it for now. We want no more questions...

...but we'll have to have you available to us, Mr. Fowler.

At our convenience, all right?

No, Doug. Let's not be stupid here.

All right?

- Where is she? - I don't know!

Doug, we're the good guys, okay? We don't do stuff like this.

Look at that! Don't you get it?

I'm the only one that you got and he wants to kill me!

Doesn't that tell you anything?

Come on, Doug. I'm telling you to holster your pistol.

Jesus, help me.

Goddamn it, Doug, put that gun away.

You're already in so much trouble!

- He's gonna tell me. - I don't know anything.

Even if he does, we can't use it! Not like this!

I'm going to count to five and then I'm going to shoot one of your toes off.

- Oh, God! - Doug!

And then I'm gonna count to five...

...and shoot another toe. - Doug!

Listen, I don't know anything! Will you just get that through your thick...

Are you crazy? Are you?

He didn't count!

- Five. - He didn't even count!

- Four. - You're going to prison.

Listen to me! Will you just listen to me? If he is involved...

Nurse's station. Should we call the police?

Yes, ma'am. And the FBI!

If he is involved, then she knows it!

And if she knows it, her life is worthless, understand?

They have to fucking kill her!

We don't have time to meet his lawyer, right, Earl?

- God help me! - Five!

- Doug! - Four.

- No! Okay! - Three, two!

Okay! Okay!

Look, they've got her in an abandoned farmhouse, okay?

- An abandoned farmhouse? - Yeah!

I don't think so. Five!

I swear to God! I swear to God, Doug!

Really, listen. It's my sister and her husband.

Check it out, Doug. It wasn't my idea.

I swear to God!

They made me do it!

Mrs. Carlisle's all right, Doug!

Because my sister is taking very good care of her.

Drizzle outside. Sunset tomorrow about 4:58 p.m.

Freeze! Go! That's it!

You have the right to remain silent.

- She's over here. - Where?

There. She's down there.

What?

Take that off.

You buried her? Jesus Christ. Is she alive?

Yeah. Pretty sure.

You put her down there, what, over 30 hours ago?

This is not a young woman. You better start saying your prayers.

What did you do?

Take it easy!

Take him away, come on.

Get him the hell out of here!

Look at how deep this is. They weren't going to dig this woman up.

Keep her alive for a day or two, in case.

Just cut the ventilation and walk. Who the hell let you back in?

We want to do the digging. She's our responsibility.

You guys are upset, wait outside. Let people who know how to do this do it.

All right, dig. Guys, come on, get out of there!

- Give these guys the shovels, come on! - All yours.

Thank you.

Give me the shovel.

- I think I found something! - Pull up the pipe to see something!

She down there?

Mrs. Carlisle? Ma'am?

- Somebody get a power saw! - I'll get it.

Come on, move!

I want soap, water, and blankets. Nobody sees her like this.

Okay.

Help them up. Make a hole!

Look out. Coming through!

Get back! All right, back up!

Let's go! Clear the way!

Hurry!

Keep those people back!

You're gonna have to clear out over there!

Okay, come on! Give us some room here!

Bring her up slowly! That's it!

Now bring her towards the back of the 'copter!

- Come on, let's go. - Come on, fellas!

All right, gentlemen. Watch your step!

Step lively now! Watch your head!

Watch your feet. The bottom of the 'copter is slick!

Careful!

Watch your head!

- Sorry, sir, there's too many! - That's bullshit! We're getting on.

No can do, pal.

All right, we'll meet them at the hospital. Come on.

What do you think, Doug?

She's alive, Joe, that's all I know. Come on, guys, snap it up!

Anybody out here named Douglas Chesnic?

Doug Chesnic!

Doug Chesnic!

I'm Chesnic! What is it?

Lady's awake! She's not going anywhere without her secret service detail.

- That you guys? - Yeah, that's us.

Can you come aboard, sir?

Yeah, we can do that.

Wait one second, sir.

I'm sorry, gentlemen. I'm going to have to throw some of you off.

- She gonna be all right? - Looks like it.

Where have you been?

Looking for you.

How long did it take you to figure out the cigarette lighter burns?

- About 22 hours. - Douglas, it was so obvious.

It wasn't. Actually, I was the only one who got it.

- I can hardly believe that. - It's true!

Howard Shaeffer, Mrs. Carlisle, FBI. If I may say, ma'am...

...Chesnic is the reason we found you. If he hadn't shot a man in the hospital...

- Shot a man? - Yes, ma'am.

You finally got to shoot somebody?

- Well... - Well, did you kill him?

Shot him in the toe.

After all that practice.

- Yes, ma'am. - Ma'am, if I could set the record straight...

Excuse me, I'd just like to talk to this gentleman, if you don't mind?

Thank you.

I'll get it. Tell the others I'll be out in a minute.

Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. Carlisle, the President's returning your call.

- Yes, thank you. - Yes, ma'am.

Tess, are they treating you right in that hospital, if not...

Harold, I want this secret service agent of mine taken care of.

The man discharged a firearm in a public place.

I don't care about any of that. This young man saved my life.

He's like a son to me, Harold. I want him taken care of, you understand?

Sure, Tess. I'm sure we can...

And if anything should ever happen to me...

...I want your personal word that you will look after him.

Sure, Tess, you know l...

Thanks, Harold. That's all I wanted to know.

- You have yourself a nice day. - Yes, ma'am.

Dr. Willis to 4-West nurses' station.

What is this?

It's your wheelchair, ma'am.

I can see it's a wheelchair, but I won't be needing it. Thank you.

It's hospital policy that you leave by wheelchair.

No, but I would really prefer not to sit in the wheelchair.

I would rather walk on my own two feet, with my own steam, out of the hospital.

I understand, but the rules and regulations state...

...each patient must leave in a wheelchair. - The rules? No.

Rules and regulations, young man, are not something I'm terribly fond of...

...so if you'd allow me to go on my own...

Mrs. Carlisle, I'm trying to do my job.

I would like...

- I am not going to sit in that thing. - Will you just let me do my...

If I may interrupt.

The regulations aren't really that sacred, are they?

Tess, get in the goddamn chair.

Very good, Douglas, you're going to be all right.

Mrs. Carlisle, how are you feeling?

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