All language subtitles for heroins grip

30 year old, her mom called

in and said she's white. She's

not breathing right now. Our dispatchers

are. They tell the caller how

to do CPR, how to start.

PR and they'll ask several questions

about drug use and history for health

and things. Fire trucks and ambulance are

already here.

When you first arrived on the scene of an

overdose, you never know what you're

going to see or walk into. You never know

if there's going to be more people using

or whether the family's going to be, you

know, upset and disrupting the scene.

First started 18 years ago. I, I can't

think of one to two a year that we

went to. So it's kind of a huge

difference going from, you know, one to

two a year to, you know, you may spend

all morning long running from overdose to

overdose and it's constant now.

Seems like some days, you know we may

only have one um. And

those, those are good days, I guess. And

then other days it seems like, you know,

maybe a bad batch has come in and we,

we get a lot more than normal. You can

kind of see sort of the trends and when,

when a really bad batch comes through

because you'll get maybe one or two fatal

overdoses for the day. And the rest

of them, you know, you can usually

Narcan and and if you get there

in time, but some days there's 3-4

that shifts.

We've seen a crisis in the use and abuse

of heroin like we've never seen before in

my entire career. As a matter of fact, no

drug abuse that I've ever seen equals

what we're seeing now with heroin. What

are you seeing out there on the streets?

An enormous amount of trafficking in and

through Frederick County. An

extraordinary number of overdoses, both

non fatal and fatal. A lot of lives lost,

a lot of families devastated. Just just a

terrible what I call a public health

crisis.

Part of the body. Every suspicious

death in a particular county has to be

reported to the state's attorney. So

unfortunately, I get them every week. It

was a rare day that we got an

e-mail notice or a phone call. Now it's

a regular occurrence. We see just people

dying each and every week, and it's all

predominantly due to opioid use. You

know, painkillers or unfortunately,

heroin, most often laced with fentanyl.

So we've just seen a dramatic increase

in that. And it's, it's sad.

It's pretty amazing that, uh.

People from Virginia, Pennsylvania, West

Virginia, Maryland, they, you know,

that's where they go. It's, it's cheaper

where a gram of heroin in Frederick

County might be $200. They go down to,

to Baltimore and a grams, you know, $100.

It's constantly coming through this

highway and obviously this is the main

source for our county. And you know a lot

of people in our county, and so we go

down there. Bring it back.

We've seen a trend where the supply

is much increased, the cost is much

decreased, and especially the purity or

the concentration or the potency of

heroin available illicitly in the black

market on the streets has gone way

up. So in the. Late 70s

heroin purity on the streets was

3 or 5%. Now we've routinely

got 50% plus purity. Some places

like Baltimore and other places in

the Northeast or on the West

Coast, 80% purity is not unusual

and at 80% purity smoking or

sniffing. Is quite efficient and you can

get physiologically very robust doses and

levels. You can get just as high, you can

get just as hooked, you can get just as

much withdrawal and you can get just as

dead in an overdose. The good news is

that we've just started to maybe make

some progress in flattening the curve of

overdose, overdose deaths. Due to

prescription opioids, but heroin, as its

purity has increased, that curve

continues upwards and shows no sight of

bending. We could literally go days,

maybe even a week or two. I think

is the longest we've gone without a

heroin overdose. But then what will

happen is is we'll see one heroin

overdose, maybe a little bit. Earlier in

the day, around four or five, 6:00 in

the evening, and then just by knowing

that we'll probably see maybe three or

four more others later that night. The

predominant theme in the increase in

opioid overdose deaths in the past five

years has been this new phenomena of St.

fentanyl. And 10 years ago, nobody

saw this coming. People who weren't in

the medical field had never heard of

fentanyl. But bucket labs in China have

now started to synthesize this product,

fentanyl and its analogs of some of them

so it's very easy at that level.

The potency for even an experienced

addict to miscalculate and overdo it. And

so that's really been responsible for the

predominance of these opioid over deaths.

And that is just cranking up in a

way that is terrifying to all of us

who have to see the aftermath of the

consequences when we run one of these.

Opioid overdoses and we successfully

resuscitate them. And if they choose not

to go to the hospital with us,

then once we finish all of the

paperwork regarding the EMS call, we'll

then give them one of these boxes

of Narcan. And the goal is to

have it on hand for family members.

Friends to administer if they suspect

an opioid overdose to delay any

potential harm from hypoxic brain injury

when they've stopped breathing due to

the opioid. The health department takes

the stance that all life is

valuable and no matter whether someone

overdoses. One time or 10, everyone

is worth saving. When we're thinking

about is this enabling somebody's use?

No, we're not enabling somebody's use.

This is an incredibly difficult process.

All we're doing is giving someone the

opportunity to live while they

potentially make multiple attempts to get

to recovery. You might. Think that if

a dealer kills off some of his customers

with fentanyl, that would be terrible for

business and everybody would shun him In

fact, it's just the opposite in in a

terribly chilling way. If you kill off a

customer or two, that means you've got

the good stuff and you attract customers

and it's. Sounds unbelievable, but it is

what is happening. 10 years ago, Yeah, we

get a handful of heroin cases a year

and they were all up in the Emmitsburg

area. And that's probably because

Baltimore has had a heroin problem for a

long time. And then it came out to

Westminster and it kind of came out to

Tawney. Down it kind of came out

that corridor, so if we saw any

heroin cases, it was definitely northern

Frederick County. Now it's everywhere.

It's from Urbana to Middletown to

Emmetsburg to Mount Airy. We just see

it in every community. The first quarter

of 2017, someone in Frederick County

overdosed from heroin. Or an opioid

every single day on average. It

really has affected people all around

our community. I would say almost

everybody you talked to knows somebody

or is related to somebody or

has some kind of relationship with

somebody who has personally experienced

this epidemic. This isn't something

that just happens to low income families

or just happens to, you know, certain

groups of people. It puts into

perspective that it can be you, you know,

it can be the police officer's family or

the, you know, the officer's daughter or

son, that it's not just somebody we don't

know. That's going to overdose and get

hooked on heroin. It's everybody. You

know, I know a few of the other officers

who have lost children, have lost their

children to heroin. And they they're not

outward about it. They don't share. But,

you know, I would think that when they go

out on the street and they encounter

some, some kid that's overdosing. They

don't just feel it from, you know, I'm a

police officer point of view. What's in

the back of your head, You're you're

looking down at an addict who's overdose,

but it could be your family.

I'm Bruce Bryant, This is my wife Terry.

We live here in Middletown, MD. We have 4

kids and we both have a small business

here in Middletown. Terry's in the

accounting field and I'm in the financial

field. Our son Tyler, I think when he was

around 13, he had gone away on his soccer

trip. This team and when he came back,

a coach approached us that he, he

and another player had been caught with

marijuana. I started smoking weed, you

know, every couple weeks or so and

then every couple weeks trying like every

week and then every week during every

day and all day, every day before.

School because I would walk to school, so

I would smoke in the park before school

and during school, sometimes in the

bathroom. And when I got home I was

devastated. Truthfully, it hurt deep. I

had done all the things I thought as a

dad. You know, as far as

we had to talk, I actually took him away

for four days and we spent four days

talking about everything that will happen

in life as much as you can as a dad. And

I talked to him about drugs. My my

brother was an addict and her father was

an alcoholic. You know, we wanted to make

sure that all of our kids, the three

girls too, we, we did the same talk so.

Kind of thought checked that box after

after I did that, but it was pretty

naive of us or me, my body when

they were like, hey, this guy has

oxycodone so and we're going to get some

and I don't know what it was and

I didn't really ever tried it before. So

that was way better than weed. I like

that. Everything, I just felt completely

comfortable in my skin, you know, I could

talk to anybody or do anything and

everything sort of fell apart. Yeah.

Started to not hang out with friends you

used to hang out with. You know, that

was the big thing. Started seeing stuff

missing in the house, money. You

know, where we would look and we wouldn't

think much of it, you know? Well, maybe

I didn't put it there. You know, you

confront him and he'd look at us. And

now, you know, believe this. You know, I

believed him. I could tell it was

gradually getting worse. And I believe it

was that December. And then I got

a call from the principal of the school

saying you need to come down here. That's

right before Christmas break. And they

brought me in to talk to the principal

and security office or whatever. And

Tyler and I looked at Tyler and didn't

recognize him because of the school

incident. The county made him go to an

after. Care program at no intensive

outpatient program with the health

department. I IOP and people are really

nice, but their hands are almost tied

there. The only thing it did for Tyler

was helping meet other people, make other

connections. You know, he was there every

day, but he all of a sudden started

hanging around with these people. That

was just a way to meet more connects and

more people who did drugs pretty much. So

it didn't actually help so much as more

it did hurt and I was in there for about

3 months till I got arrested again for

stealing from a car.

Then my IOP counselor recommended

treatment, so I went to my first sixty

day treatment center in Cumberland. I

could remember him coming home and, you

know, letting him go out and him riding

down the street on a skateboard with his

arms in the air like I'm free. And you

know, it went pretty well for a while.

But it's quickly got back to where

it was and, and December, Terry said.

We got to send him someplace else.

I remember it was December 24th, 2011.

I was 19 and I was crawling

around on my bathroom floor like looking

for some spice to smoke, like it

was some. Back or something and I don't

know, I've done that 1000 times before,

but something just hit me like I can't do

this anymore. I was one of those fathers

who said never my kid, you know, because

you think, you know, you go to church,

you go to a private school, you you're

active and all that and you just kind of

naive about it and I was very naive and

that's why I think. The first year I

didn't talk to anybody about it. My best

friend, I think I did, but I really just

just didn't. I was embarrassed. I plus

the whole time I wanted to fix it. I'm

his dad. I want to fix it.

Chris was our first child born on my

birthday, April 23rd. It was a big boy

when he was born. He immediately, you

know, became interested in sports. He was

always competitive, fun loving guy. He

also had a, you know, just a a

lively, easy going personality through

school he was active in you know. Not

only in the youth sports programs, he was

active in some theater, through church,

through show choir. He did a little bit

of that in his earlier days. While he

was going to college. He got into

coaching and was helping coach the high

school football team, the summer

wrestling program he was involved in. So

he was. Had a special touch

with kids. Third year into college is

when we really started to notice. He kind

of started asking for money for this or

for that. And the first we really didn't

question it. And then he became a father

and he moved out. There was like, OK,

there's something more to the story.

After talking to him, we realized

that there was an addiction problem.

My first reaction was anger. In

fact, you know, I didn't immediately

that night, I didn't really interact

with Chris because I knew that

my anger, you know, wasn't good.

It did recognize it even though I

couldn't control it. And I also wanted to

fix everything right away. That's the

immediate, immediate goal is let's fix

it. Fix it now. I had no idea

what addiction was. I just thought it was

a weakness or a fault that that could

be fixed just like. You

know, the cute can be stitched, so to

speak. That was my immediate reaction.

And then we obviously knew as a father

and a mother, we had to be there for

him and help him get the help and

convince him to get the help. That was

the first step. I didn't

know. That

Dylan had turned to heroin.

Until he was

arrested. I

just felt.

Horrified. How do we even know? There's

so many emotions going on? I felt

afraid for my son. They told me

that there were guns involved. The last

time I used I was in the

house raid. I got a call with

three. Guns and 12 grams

of dope. Is

unknown heroin dealer in Frederick

area. I served undercover police

officer resulted in having to

go to jail for 17

months and have a 40

years back over my head.

To that happen, I shut down for

a little bit. I didn't want to

even talk to him.

I didn't want to go there.

Was embarrassed. And I

felt. Like

a bad mom and.

I felt like somehow I

let my son down.

Because his dad wasn't there and I felt

like I did the best I could.

Alyssa was growing up just a little

Spitfire, happy, loving little girl. She

was energetic and always wanted to be the

center of attention and she made me a

proud Mama. A friend of Alyssa's called

me and told me that that she wanted

me to know. She didn't know if it

was true, but she had heard that.

Allison drugs Alyssa was about 15. She

was had just started high school. I was

thankful to this mom. I was very

surprised that I didn't quite couldn't

quite take it all in. I didn't know

what to do. But I said, you know,

I need to find out if this is

true for sure and. So I

automatically ran and bought an over the

counter drug test, the urine test, and

I drug tested Alyssa that day. To

my surprise, it actually came up positive

for opiates. I was devastated. I didn't

even know what that meant. I didn't

know what an opiate was.

I tried to be proactive as much as I

could and keep an eye on her and I

actually searched her room one day when

she was at school and I had found a

rolled up dollar bill and her bed stand.

So that kind of made me made me wonder,

OK, this is there's got to be more to

this so I can. Monitor once again

and she admitted that she was

snorting pills. We decided Alyssa needed

to to get some treatment so

she went into a rehab where

we thought that she would be

cured. It was a 30 day

rehab. It was very difficult to

to. Put her away, if you will.

It was hard, but we did it. And

again, we just assumed when she got out

that would be the end of it. She'd

be cured. We didn't tell anybody about

what we were going through. We didn't

want people to to judge us, to think

we're bad parents. To think Alyssa

was a horrible person. So when Alyssa

got out, she was good. We were

we were good. And then the couple

months later I got a call from

her school that she had had a

seizure in school. She had mixed some

pills, so. Check again

um. Classes, um, psychiatrist meeting,

you know, trying to figure out

she was, she cried and, you

know, said she slipped up and

it wouldn't happen again. And

unfortunately that wasn't the case. It,

it, it just continued from there.

As a parent, that's very frustrating.

It's like Bruce said, he wanted to fix

it. I wanted to fix it. I couldn't, and

that's just devastating. But you can't

fix your child.

Drugs of abuse seem to hijack our

natural reward circuitry and our natural

reward centers, and you may have heard

of a neurotransmitter called dopamine. It

seems that most or all of the

substances that we know of that people

use to become intoxicated. Go through

a pathway of enriching dopamine. So

dopamine is the mammalian brain signal

for saying, ah, that's pleasurable,

that's good, I want more of

that. And the body has its

own way built in into the

nuanced finessed microcircuitry of this

complicated brain mechanism ways. Of

getting dopamine reward for the kinds of

behaviors or experiences that I guess the

great maker wanted us to.

Indulge into perpetuate the species,

eating when we're hungry, drinking water

when we're thirsty, having sex and

procreating when we're aroused. But in

minute little nuanced amounts. These

outside substances, including heroin,

hijacked that system like sledgehammers

and take over because by proportion.

They are just so powerfully potent

and make dopamine spike orders of

magnitude higher than otherwise would

with the small nuanced signaling. Now,

opioids in particular have their own

built-in signaling system in the

mammalian brain. So God gave us

built-in opioid receptors. And built in

opioid substances called enkephalins or

endorphins you may have heard of in terms

of we talking about runners high or other

things. Presumably God gave us those

signaling systems and those receptors not

so we could be better heroin addicts, but

because they helped mediate stress relief

or anxiety relief or pain control or

reward. Motivation and other kinds of

things. But along comes heroin or

other outside opiates in these big

sledgehammer amounts, and they hijack the

system and they become essentially

irresistible. Then overtime, the

other things that we might have had

in our broad human coping array to

try to relieve stress, to try to

give pleasure, are overshadowed because,

as I say, it's such a sledgehammer.

It hijacks the system so much that

none of those other things, whether it's

work. Or love, or sex, or math homework,

or whatever it is that used to be

interesting. None of them can compete

with the relief that's given by the drug.

And so it's just that one button that

you push over and over again. And then

even that button doesn't work anymore. So

the reward system over time becomes

damaged. Malfunctions and what you have

are people describing a sense of loss, of

their ability to experience pleasure. And

they still seek out the drug because it's

the only thing that comes close. But the

new normal is barely scraping by, and so

it's a vicious cycle in which people

become enslaved to the drug. For me,

I feel like in my head and in

my chest, you know, you get like this

warm sensation, kind of like.

Like when you first step outside like

today and it's real hot, you just get

like this heat wave. It's kind of what

you feel. And then like, you know before

you get high, like you feel sick and

your legs hurt and like you're sweaty and

like you just feel like you know ****.

But now like. Feel good. I got some

energy. You know, it's crazy because

like, like you do it like you get super

high, but now you're just getting high to

be a normal functioning human being, you

know what I mean?

I don't know what happened. I had 3 1/2

years clean and I saw one and I just took

half of 1 and I did it. I I guess

completely forgot then that what you know

what was going to happen because 1 is too

many and 1000 is never enough. And I was

like, I'll do this every once in a while,

you know, once every month and then. Two

days later I was doing 1 and then the

next day I was doing 1, and then it was

back to that same habit that went on for

about a year until next August when I

finally told my parents and they knew,

obviously because I was changing, I

wasn't going to gym. I lost 40 lbs. They

decided that they were going to help me

get help. And I wanted to get clean so

bad, I thought. And then two or three

weeks in that session was in my mind that

I just wanted to do it one more time.

And I got out and I got high on

heroin that night. Now it's been.

Almost 5 months since then it's and

I'm been doing 2 to 3 grams

a day or so and that's about

300 and 52180 to 420 dollars. I

would stop if I there wasn't physical

withdrawals. I've tried several times in

the last five months. I just cold

Turkey. Stuff. And it's just the pain.

It's just so much like I can't handle it.

I need to go do a medical detox or

something. Once you've used long enough

and you become addicted, you become more

and more constrained. And it's less about

feeling the pleasure than it is about

relieving the misery, the misery of

withdrawal, the misery of stress and

anxiety. And all the other sources of

pleasure become outshadowed, and the

reward system becomes hijacked by this

sledgehammer that the drug represents.

Yes, there is some element of choice,

but increasingly it's more and more

constrained choice, and it's more and

more slavery because the mechanism of

reward, the very biological system. That

gives us pleasure or motivates us to seek

out purpose. Becomes damaged if not

broken. And so the only button that's

left is pushing the opioid button. And

even that doesn't work so well, but it's

better than nothing. Starts with

just something so small that you think is

just not going to be a big deal and then

just before you know it you you're stuck

and you have no idea how you got there.

About a month or so of.

Using dope, you know, I started going

down to the city with, you know, these

people that were already using and it

became an everyday thing. I copped it

with my kids in the car. I shot dope

with my kids in the car. I did everything

that I needed to do in active addiction

in front of my kids. I've

never, you know, been treated at the

hospital for an overdose, but there's

been times where I definitely shouldn't

have come back. I would pass out on the

front porch with.

With cigarette in my hand and it would be

0° out and I'd wake up four or five hours

later turning purple and stuff. It was

not fun. The first time it happened, I

was with my girlfriend at the time and

you know, another guy that I went to

school with and. We were at

the McDonald's and I guess I went out. I

don't remember anything. All I remember

is waking up to the sound of my

girlfriend's voice telling me she over,

repeating, repeating over and over that

she loved me. And I just kind of came

too. And I was like, you know, I love you

too. Like what's going on? And she's just

sitting there in tears and I know.

Recollection of what was going on. You

know, I just, my thing was I'm ready to

get high again. A lot of times, you know,

it was just, you know, me being locked in

the bathroom for an hour, you know,

trying to find a vein and you know, her

asking me if I'm OK. I had like a couple

$1000 saved up. I got a car. I was doing

real good. And, um, like just within the

three-week. That I've been using, uh, you

know, I totaled the car, blew through all

the money that I had, you know, just like

the vicious cycle of, you know, waking up

every day sick or having to, you know, go

to Baltimore to get drugs. My boys knew

like what was going on and my daughter.

Like my fiance would be like what to do

today? And he knew what I was out doing.

And like there were times that she would

be crying in her crib and I would just be

nodded out and I could hear her but I

couldn't move. And there's something

about the drug that just makes me.

Umm, I just like it makes me forget. It

makes me not feel and I like to not

feel my thing was like I watched my

parents do it and then when I picked up

like, you know, I escaped from reality,

man. And it kept me away from reality. It

kept me away from the truth about my life

or truth about life. It's just

not been good for me. I mean, it's and

it's sad, but I'm comfortable in chaos. I

like it. I mean, I'm not going to say

I like it, but it I'm comfortable in it.

I remember being being in the eighth

grade and my principal asked me was I

wanted to be when I grew up. I told

my drug dealer. Called me a loser and I

cried and I cussed him out. But at the

whole time I was hiding what I really was

feeling. I knew my mother and father was

drug addicts and actually I was

embarrassed behind that. I got to the

point that I wanted to die. I thought

that all three of my kids would be better

off with me getting dying so that they

could get a monthly check. From Social

Security, all I could think about was

that next rush, you know, and how I was

going to not feel sick today. You know, I

didn't care who I stole from. I didn't

care what I had to do. I was going to do

it to get that next fix.

My mom, she would usually be

there always because she didn't have

a job back there.

So usually I would see her

on the couch laying there asleep

or she would be in her

room laying down to sleep. I

was so consumed by using it.

It took over everything and controlled

everything. I thought it was my

fault. Sometimes.

I would be here just laying there. I

would think that I was being too harsh or

something. So I would sit there and I

would try to say I would wait for her

to wake up and I was going to say

sorry, but then we just start doing

things. For example, start playing. But

she would. You should just watch me.

Well, I guess I'm about to go to Mountain

Man for two weeks. Yeah,

to get clean, I guess, yeah.

They just got clothes and then that's

it. I'm just bringing fans because I

can't sleep without. I guess. I thought

I was ready to go to any

lengths to get clean and after 36

hours and detox, meds weren't helping and

I was in the bathtub probably 12

times that day. Just trying. That's the

only place I feel good I. I

called Narai only like 25 minutes from my

house or my girlfriend's house, and I

called a ride to get picked up to get

well, yeah, I got some dope that night. I

got a fentanyl patch. I got a few 30s and

yeah. And I got well, I

think I rationalized in my head like, all

right, I'm going to get well. But then

tomorrow, what am I going to do? I don't

have a job. I don't have money, you know,

I don't have a license. I have my license

taken. From there, it went back to

snorting dope every day until my best

friends, my, my. Best friend, like a

brother to me, came home from California,

where he'd been for the last three years

and, um. He shot

me up for my first time

with a speedball, you know, which

was a dope and you know,

cocaine. And after that I started

shooting up every day a lot.

15 times a day if I could because I ended

up bum. I started going down to the city

so it ended up being really cheap. So I

just started going down there every day

and getting that and getting coke and

just speed balling all day pretty much

just and. Stealing, you know,

wasn't working anymore. Doing whatever I

could do to get money. Borrowing money

and not paying it back. Selling my car

parts for my car that I love. I'm

selling all my tools and my toolbox and

selling anything I could. And really, you

know, I'm pawning my girlfriend's

engagement ring. When you're

running hard like that for so long, you

become numb to, to the consequences of

repercussion of your actions. You, you

don't even realize what you've done or

who you've heard. I've been blessed to

live with my grandparents numerous times,

you know, taking me in and out every

time and so many times. I've just, you

know, robbed them not only material

things, but I mean robbed them of their

joy, sleep and, you know, security.

I was able to hurt every person

in my life that wasn't in prison

with me while I was in prison

for music. Most parents will pull that

retirement fund mortgage to the house

again, whatever it takes to get it

done. Typically it doesn't take long to

spend that at about. 10 grand a

month, I think for an inpatient that's

what it is, give or take a grant. I

think we always took the position that we

couldn't put a cost on our our price on

our son's life. So whatever we thought

that we could do, somehow we would do it.

And so it's, it's pretty much devastated

our finances. Our retirements and.

But it's very difficult to put a cost

on a life. So that that creates its

own pressures because now you're behind

the game and you got to catch up.

And if he starts to slide, then what

does that mean financially? And there's

collateral damage within the family with

his siblings. And it's just a it's a

very. Insidious disease.

We're thankful that we had the money in

retirement. You know, we don't have it

anymore, but you know, I, I can tell you

something like. You know, I won't

put a number, but it's well in the six

figures. Close friends were

very supportive, although they didn't

understand. I mean, it's a difficult

thing to understand people that we were I

maybe thought were friends kind of backed

away. I remember one of my our close

friends said as he fixed yet right? I

said, wow, is he fixed yet? You know,

it's just just showed to me how.

People don't understand, yeah, what we

see in communities, if somebody has

cancer or somebody has some other life

threatening illness, usually the

community, the family member is going to

immediately drop everything and rally

around them. They're going to raise money

for them to help pay for the treatment.

They're going to drop everything that

they have to tend to that person a lot of

times with addiction. Mental illness, the

reaction from the family and the

community is opposite, you know, is it's

your problem, you need to go deal with

this. Why don't you just stop using that

then your problem will go away. There's

no rallying a lot of times around that

where people to get them better.

You know, you think of a lot of

your personal experiences while you're

running the streets and trying to help

families and, and I think to my personal

experience, my sister's an addict. And I

think of how I wish, you know, someone

would have come forward and gave me some

options. Hey, bud. Ohh, shoot. Ohh,

you're good. Calm down. If you need a

hand getting in or getting hooked up with

anybody to get get back into recovery

anytime this weekend anytime, just give

them a call and and ask for me. You don't

you don't have to tell them to say I know

who you are and you just like to see me

talk to me. Some of the guys sort of

elbowed me and and giggle. Hey, you know.

Homer, once you go ahead and talk to this

one because they know that I'm a little

bit more sensitive to, you know, the

overdoses and, you know, I see it from a

different point of view than they do,

perhaps because they've never had to deal

with it, you know, in their own family

and they they've never had to look at

their family member with, you know, track

marks in their arm. So when I'm.

Encountering it on the street I always

think of in the back of my head.

I can't help but think about, well, what

if this was my sister, Um. And

what would I want the officer to provide

or to do or to say no, I

I think that I wouldn't want them to

be looking at at her or any family

member like it's just another addict. One

of the key phrases that I find gets

at me the most is when someone. Looks

at somebody and they're just thinking

they're a junkie. Like, well, they might

be, but that's somebody's kid. That's

somebody's loved ones or brother or

sister. I'm

at Alyssa in March of 2016 and I'd never

really heard Alyssa's name prior to that.

I'm understanding from after the fact was

that she had overdosed a few times, but

I'd never been on one of those scenes or

had met her. But I received a call from

a lady that works at the Department of

Juvenile Justice. She called me one

weekend and said, Jeff, I have this girl

that's been missing and she, this is the

third or fourth time she's, she's ran

away from home. My patrol shifts and I,

we worked on a Sunday to try to find her

and we, we put enough pressure on her

friends and things and checking in with

people that eventually she turned up at

her house. I called my contact and said.

You know, can you all get her at least

for possession, charge anything to help?

And as you can imagine, she was had a bit

of an attitude and was, you know, pretty

sarcastic at first. So I took a listen to

my car and I said, look, you know, I need

to put you in handcuffs before you go in

my car. You're not in any trouble, but

you have to go in handcuffs to ride in my

in my police car. You know, in order to

lighten the mood a little bit, I said,

man, if you had a rough weekend, your

hair's a mess. It looks terrible. So she

started to chuckle. And I thought, you

know, she going to give it back to me.

And she absolutely did because I fumbled

with my handcuffs a little bit when I got

him out. And she said, how long you been

doing this? And so I told her how long at

the time. And she said, I thought you

would be better at at putting on

handcuffs by now. So I thought, OK.

Little sarcasm too, but. So right

before Alyssa left center with another

deputy to to go to the juvenile facility,

I said to her, I said, remember that you

know, you're, you're, you're using heroin

and if you pass away, it doesn't only

affect you and doesn't only affect your

family. You affect people that you don't

even know. She told me that that was the.

First best thing that ever happened to

her. But yet it was so bad,

she wanted to make sure that she never

ended up there again. You know, I do this

kind of thing all the time. I go find a

juvenile and we we take them wherever

they need to go, return them to their

parents. And, you know, don't give it

much thought afterwards. But I thought to

myself after our conversation when I

left, I said, you know, I think I think

she's getting it. And I felt good about

it. I felt like. You know, she's she's

one that's going to make it. She got a

lot of people in her corner.

Chris Wood most mornings send me

a phone call, a text, a

Snapchat song, a sunrise picture, and

that morning there was no communication

from him which he would get

up to go to work between

4:30 and 5:00. And I

just thought it was very odd. My mother's

6th sense just told me I had to

ride by where he parked his car. And

I ride by and the car wasn't there.

So I thought, OK, maybe you had to

drive to work. So I

drove one to work and something just

told me I needed to call his

place of employment. So I called and

he was a no call no show.

I just had this feeling that he

overdosed and I don't know why because

we had just been on vacation 10

days before that. And there was number

science of anything. Just talked to him

on Wednesday night and you know the

last words were I love you, but

I just had this feeling. So two

of my coworkers went with me. He

was unconscious but still breathing when

we found him. They worked for probably.

Two hours on him before they

transported him to Frederick Memorial and

then that's where he passed away.

On June 3rd, it was a Friday night. We

sat together and watched a movie, had a

great night together and we talked about

her birthday that was just around the

corner. She'd be 18, all the things she

wanted to do and go to the beach and all

the stuff. He wanted to do that she

had missed out on. She was 90 days

clean. She was very proud of the fact

that she was 90 days clean and we

kissed good night and she went to bed.

The next morning when I went to wake

her up, my founder and her bed.

We tried to to do what we can,

but we were too late. She had.

Received a text message. Several

text messages. After going

through our phone, we discovered.

From a dealer.

Texted her by mistake, supposedly.

It must have been her trigger. It's the

only thing that we can explain.

You know that it's just this disease is

so powerful. I never thought

a 17 year old girl in my 15 years on the

job would affect me in the way that she

did. I kept picturing my 12 year old

daughter and just like her, you know,

smart, witty, pretty, you know, you know,

I remembered that day when I said to her,

you're not only affecting you and you're

not only affecting your family, you're,

you're going to affect people that you,

you don't even know. And she absolutely

did. Her death affected a lot of people,

deputies heard. DJ worker, you know,

people that that she probably wouldn't

even remember a few years from now.

For most people, recovery is a

lifelong process because once you've got

the vulnerability of being a person

with a substance use disorder, of

being addicted, the risk of going

back to it is very, very

much larger than the background

population and remains so. For a

lifetime. Now, the good news is the

longer you're away from it, the more

protected you are. The longer you're away

from it, the gradually decreasing

vulnerability protects you. But for most

people, it really is a lifetime of

vigilance and temptation doesn't go away.

And the people who have practiced the

behavior of getting the boost of reward

or getting the relief, it's all too

easy to go back to that, especially

during times of stress.

That makes it difficult because they,

they get behind in life, right? Because

they spent so much time being addicted

and, and trying to pursue that drug that

they're not developing the area of their

career or their relationships. And, and

so they're sort of behind the 8 ball, so

to speak. And now they not only have to

deal with their addiction, but then they

have to. Somehow catch up socially

and through work and that that's, that's

not easy to do. It's way harder to do

what I'm doing now. The chasing, I mean,

it's hard to get high every day, but it's

so easy just to not care about anything

and to just have to worry about one thing

every day. And that is getting well,

that's it. So you got to worry about but

now. You got to worry about my kids. You

know, how am I going to take care of

them? I gotta worry about getting a job.

I gotta worry about my fiancee, my dog,

you know, I mean, paying bills, all these

bills I haven't paid in two years that,

you know, people are coming after me for

all the credit card debt. It's not as

simple as just stop using drugs. There

are literally changes in brain. Chemistry

that occur, that's a huge part of it.

The other part of it is all the

change that's required for someone to

make to move from active use to recovery.

They potentially have to make changes in

the areas of addressing their physical

health, their mental health, how they

have fun, their family relationships,

their legal status. Their occupation,

their sense of purpose, their spiritual

life, whether their sexual life is

connected with their substance use, many

other things, other things. But you

potentially have to make change in all

of it. And any of those changes

could take years potentially when you go

into recovery and you detox. And

then you go into a recovery program

and you're completely cleaned out and it

takes weeks to get it completely out

of your system. The cloud goes away,

the mind becomes clearer. The decision

process is very defined. For them,

and they haven't been that way for

a while, so they automatically think,

well, I no longer need to go

to as many meetings to go to

outpatient therapy, to see mental health

counseling. And they start kind of

digressing off of the program. The

program is a lifelong program,

unfortunately. Addicts, the ones that are

successful, they continue to go to

meetings. My Home group saved my life

because I didn't know how to be

a decent person. They taught me how

to treat others, how to respect people.

I'm not a religious person, but I'm

a very spiritual. And I worked

the program to the best of my ability. I

have a sponsor. I have a Home group. I

participate in my recovery hit five

meetings a week, you know, reach out. I

give back to the community. And

that's how I keep it, man. I'm one

bad decision away from being in a

bathroom lumped over with a needle

sticking out of my arm and getting hit

with Narcan. I'm one bad decision away

from being in central booking getting a

fresh felony charge because of of drugs

and alcohol led me to make. That

decisions. So what I do on a daily basis

is that I stay in the middle of this

thing. I stay grounded in a 12 step

program. I'm consistent with my Home

group and my service position. You know,

I mean working and you know, my family

and going to church helps a lot too. You

know, having a spiritual connection

because they say usually the spiritual

malady that's like the core of the

disease that we're blocked off from us.

The higher power. So, you know, because

we can't do it on our own, we need,

you know, I mean, so yeah, I think that

helped a lot, too. The number one thing

that helps keep me clean today is my

relationship with God, my higher power,

if it wasn't for God and, you know, my

faith and my beliefs in him.

I wouldn't have the hope that I have

today, you know, I know there's a better

life and I know that through him all

things are possible. It's

been 2 years.

Since my son went

into jail that last

time, he's two years

plus in recovery and

I am so proud

of him because.

After educating myself, I know

how difficult. That

journey is, and I know that him

being incarcerated helped with a portion

of that. So I

am grateful for that. I'm also grateful

for the fact that he was able

to get the Vivitrol shot, which is

an opiate blocker. Had to educate myself

on that as well.

That I feel works very

similar to like a depression

medication would. It helps clear

the mind, helps provide more

focus that and going to

meetings and just staying around

people that are going to

meetings as well as.

And being focused on

the recovery, really, he

looks forward to things

now. He's not feeling

hopeless. And I'm

not feeling helpless.

He's got the light back

in his eyes. He's um.

Making me proud again.

And now there's people, you know, all my

friends, and they always ask, well, how's

it going? And boy, you know, that's a

good and really tough question because

the answer is, you know, things are going

fantastic. But in the back of my head,

unfortunately, I'm always thinking, but

that's today or yesterday and it could go

turn on a dime. And so I hate

not being able to just if totally enjoy

something. We have multiple paths that

leave lead into substance use. There are

also multiple paths that lead out of

substance use and into recovery. Not one

path works for everyone, and the more we

can be open to the idea that.

Let's not judge the path that someone

chooses, the more that person's going to

seek out support during that process.

Earlier in my career, I didn't have

the knowledge as to. What

exactly my sister's addiction was doing

to her, to the family, to everyone around

us. I guess I was more judgmental towards

addicts back then, but now with the

knowledge and the training and and the

resources I have and the few friends I've

made through Recovery Foundations, I look

at it a whole different way. Now,

earlier in my years of police work, it

wasn't about pushing for to get people in

rehab. You know, it was a lot different

than you can't jail yourself out of a

situation like this. I mean, addicts have

a really particular need while they are

breaking the law and technically our

criminals what they really need. Our

resources to get off their addiction and

so we have a phenomenal drug court

program here all right the Circuit Court

of Frederick County is now in session the

honorable Julie Stevenson, SALT president

and good afternoon everyone please be

seated the drug court program is a

program where we divert people away from

our prisons and we put them in a very.

Intensive rehabilitative program that

focuses on work, it focuses on family,

it focuses on their addiction. This is

what we're going to see you all

here and healthy and fly. Giving back

to your families, giving back to the

community. The old ways of thinking about

dealing with. The problem of drug

addiction just do not work. They

are counterproductive. We can't afford

them, either in the sense of

paying the cost of incarcerating

individuals or in the unnecessary

suffering and death of folks that

are not given the opportunity to

try to get. Treatment. And I think

slowly but surely the ship is turning

around where folks in my position are

starting to recognize that you need to

look at this not as a moral weakness or

someone that is just not willing to get

along with the program, but that it is a

medical issue and you need to treat it

that way. You can't treat it

with the traditional punishment module.

It just doesn't work.

This program has showed me a spiritual

way of life, you know, something that I

had never imagined ever living, ever

coming into the program and getting into

a, you know, it was working the steps

and finding a higher power and finding

that higher power led me to just live

a spiritual life. And that's, you know,

the biggest thing that I strive for

today. It's the. What's holding my life

together is you know God and my

understanding of Him, and you know His

plan for me and in this life.

Are putting our businessmen, our heroin

dealers who are in it purely for profit

in jail, and they should be, because

they're addicting our children, OK, and

they're predators, OK. They really are

child predators of a of a different ilk.

However, the the people who are selling

in order to support their addiction,

jail's not the answer. For those people,

rehabilitation is the answer. For those

people, I think the enforcement

resources, the manpower of the equipment,

the strategies are out there. I think now

we need to focus most of our resources

through the governor's office on

treatment and recovery because for a

person to get treatment, it's awfully

expensive and there's very little

treatment available around here. The

problem is. No one becomes proactive and

until the problem comes to their front

door and you know, I can't drive home the

point enough that that if you see a

problem with a family member, with a

friend, get them the help they need

because there there's two ways to deal

with these. You either recover or you die

there. There's no in between here. A lot

of times when we called or try to get

somebody that's in crisis. Into a detox

center, there is a huge wait list and

that person in waiting for a detox bed

has a very good chance that they are

going to die and that is completely

unacceptable. That cannot be the case

anymore. I think that the more we talk

about it, the more that we address the

issue, the more that we become open and

stigmatized. The more we can help

people, we need more programs, we need

more treatment, we need a detox facility.

But we also need to try to combat this

thing from the front end. Like what are

we doing to educate our children? What

are we doing to raise awareness in our

communities? Everybody knows that there's

a problem, but how many people are doing?

Anything about helping and helping, you

know, coming up with a solution. We've

got to start educating our kids. We do.

We can't expect our teachers to be there

constantly or the community. If it starts

in our house and it starts at a young

age, not 1314 and 15, you have to be

on top of your child, especially when

they start. Middle school, I mean, you've

got to have that tough conversation with

them. It's your house, your roof, your

rules. Don't ever let that be a debatable

issue because once these kids start, and

they start at a very young age, you set

the precedents for what goes on in that

house. And by the time they're 1314 and

15, they're doing their thing. They're

doing what they want to do. Than they

want to do it. That never works

out well. You have to understand as

a parent that your kid, your 4.0

student, is not exempt from this. OK?

They're not. We've seen it. Don't think

that just because you live behind the

white picket fence that heroin. Can't

destroy your family. It can. Even though

I grew up in Baltimore City, I

grew up with two parents at home,

churchgoing parents who loved us, raised

us right, taught us manners and respect

and everything you want to teach your

kid. Never in a million years would

they have. One of their daughters was

going to get addicted to heroin, but it

happened. And just because we lived

in the city didn't mean we didn't have

the values that the more suburban

families have. So no one is exempt. Do

not, do not believe your child. It will

never happen to me. I'm I work hard,

I pay my bills, I raise my children

right. They have good grades. You play

sports or band or theater or whatever.

If you adopt that mentality and you

don't have these discussions with your

kids, you're mistaken.

Ultimately, we will be judged on the

number of deaths, and we recognize that,

and our end game is to try to

reduce the number of deaths associated

with this. But I've seen many successes

underway #1 I believe largely we have to

attack the stigma that's associated with

this crisis, and by doing that, we have

to. Elevate the conversation across

Maryland, and in the past year I've seen

that conversation be elevated and I've

seen people that have had been hidden or

cloaked in the darkness of despair and

afraid to raise their hand and say I

need help. I see them stepping forward. I

quickly learned it didn't matter where

you go to school. Because drugs are

everywhere. She failed a

drug test. And

we got her into another rehab

after going through messages and social

media and things I saw where

she was encouraging people not to

use, which it was. It was

almost strange to me considering she,

you know, couldn't do that herself.

And so many people reached out to me

after her passing and, you know,

explaining how she, she was encouraging

to them. So that kind of kind of

lit that fire a little bit. When this

first started, the families, when they

lost a child or someone, you know, 2

drugs were very. Hush, hush. We don't

want anyone to know what happened. Let

let's keep that, you know, let's keep

that quiet. And now more and more people

are speaking out. You know, this is what

happened to my daughter. This is what

happened, you know, to our son. They want

people to know you don't have to be here.

You can't get help. And if you don't,

reality is you're going to be at the

Funeral Home planning a funeral. So I

think the one thing that. Definitely

changing or people aren't hiding it in

the closet anymore. People are making

people aware that there is a problem. It

can happen to anyone and you can get

help. It's been 2 years, so I certainly

am stronger. I think Alyssa gives me

strength. I think she would be proud that

I'm putting it out there. It's helped

me heal knowing that maybe, just

maybe, I'm helping someone else. Chris

had an inordinate ability to communicate

with young people. The day of

his viewing, we literally stood in

a receiving line for almost 10

hours and in the community. Was

just amazing, so many people that loved

him and knew him and respected him

that it was just shocking. I knew

he knew a lot of people, but

they were far more than I thought

and that's part of our drive is

that I know that he gave something

before he left. This Earth. And I want

to keep giving that too.

And I know that there's one struggle

beside of him. In

recovery. Need that

help. If I help one or help

100, that's the way Chris would do

it. He would be there for that

person. The reality is

this is an extremely dark and saddening

problem that we're encountering. It's

having a tremendous impact on our on

our community. But what I've had the

opportunity to see personally in in the

work that I do is not only

individuals want to help and. Be willing

to support those that are in need, but

our entire community preparing to rally

around this issue and and help address

it. And that's what it's going to take

to make a dent in this problem. And

yes, I'm very hopeful not only is it

possible to change, it's very possible to

change and the more. We can support

people in doing that and getting that

feeling of hope back that people don't

need to isolate themselves. They don't

need to feel shame, they just need to

reach out when they're ready. The more we

can do that, the the bigger impact we're

going to have on this whole issue. Not

every story has to end. Like

our fit, you have to reach

out and there's people that in

places that can help you and

don't give up. Don't give up.

Their hope for any

addict, if they can

walk towards the hope.

Reach out and accept that hope, but then

also have the patience with that

recovery. What am I going to do? Am I

going to wallow in my addiction and and

go back to what I was doing? Or am

I going to call somebody and get the help

that I need? So if I were to talk

to and and be looking right now at.

Any individual that is caught in the web

of addiction, I really want you to know

that there is a lot of hope for you

out there. There are countless

opportunities to get you into recovery

and to change your life around. And that

if I could do it from this hopeless

heroin addict and, and where I am today

over 10 years later. I have complete

faith and the other utter confidence that

you could do it as well if you just ask

for a little bit of help. You just can't

give up. That's a part of that hope,

right? Is that yes, the first attempt

might not work. It might not be the thing

that helps someone stay substance free.

But we keep trying and we don't give up

on anyone. Knowing that someone's out

there that loves you, someone cares,

someone you know, someone you don't

know. Go get the help, seek

the help you need, stick with

the program, and in time, you

know you'll be the person you

want to be.

I'm broke up with misery.

Even though she'd been good to

me.

She played me like her favorite

song.

Set me a line and I'll sing

along.

You bore me like an overcoat with

the soft warm hands around my throat.

Hello.

It's time.

To know.

Thy.

Yellow.

Thou good with clarity.

She was someone new to me.

Building new.

She led me down my walk of

Rarely shared a bed, but she

made her home inside my head.

Goodbye.

Hello.

It's time.

Time to go.

Hello.

After all that's been said

down. Probably

last more than I

want, but I think

the endings just.

Spoke up with Destiny.

Brown eyes staring up at me.

2 little words was all we said.

That's a lot bigger when you're not

dead.

You then. Good. Feels constrained,

but I guess I still

can spare some change. Goodbye,

yellow. Yellow.

Hello.

Goodbye.

Good morning.

Goodbye hero.

Do you then? Good.

Feels constrained, but I

guess I still can

change. Goodbye. Hello. Hello.

Goodbye.

Good.

Goodbye hero.

No.

Goodbye.

I'm broke up with misery.