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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,590
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:10,590
Roger, Boston tower.
3
00:00:10,590 --> 00:00:13,600
This is Nevada 121 Papa Papa
on final approach.
4
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,100
Oh, man. This is great,
5
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,100
flying to Boston to see
Springsteen in concert.
6
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,100
Springsteen!
Bruce!
7
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,610
The Boss!
8
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,610
Oh, man! We owe it
all to Lowell.
9
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:25,110
He is the man
that snaked those tickets.
10
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:26,610
That's right.
That's right.
11
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:29,110
It's not often somebody's
willing to pay scalpers' prices.
12
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:32,120
But this is to see
Springsteen!
13
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,120
Bruce!
14
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,620
The Boss!
15
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:36,620
Oh.
16
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,120
Hottest tickets in town.
We're in the fourth row.
17
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,120
Can you believe it?
18
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,630
Hey, think
he'll dance with me, Joe?
19
00:00:41,620 --> 00:00:43,630
Well, maybe. After all,
we are talking about--
20
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:45,130
Springsteen!
Bruce!
21
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:51,130
You guys remember
at Helen's counter
22
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:52,640
when you told me
to take out the tickets
23
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,640
and make sure I had them?
24
00:00:56,140 --> 00:01:00,640
Aeromass Flight 19 to Boston
is now boarding.
25
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,650
Springsteen!
Bruce!
26
00:01:02,650 --> 00:01:04,650
The Boss!
27
00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:07,150
( upbeat theme playing )
28
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:13,160
Please.
29
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,160
She only went out with you
'cause she pities you.
30
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,660
Listen, Joe, I've gotten many
things in my life out of pity.
31
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,160
Doesn't make them
any less pleasurable.
32
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,670
BRIAN:
Oh, God.
33
00:01:23,670 --> 00:01:26,170
( gags ):
Oh, God.
34
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,670
God. Just--
Just go in the office.
35
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,170
Go in the office. Just go in.
Why?
36
00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:32,180
BRIAN: Don't even ask. Don't--
JOE: Oh, my God. No, Fay--
37
00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:34,180
Don't look over there.
W-what's going on?
38
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:37,180
Roy's not cleaning his ears
again, is he?
39
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:40,180
Worse. Fay, do you remember that
incredibly irritating old man
40
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:42,690
who conned us into flying
cross-country?
41
00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:45,190
The one who asks
all the annoying questions?
42
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:48,190
Carlton Blanchard's sitting
right over there.
43
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:51,700
Can I ask you a question?
44
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,700
"For Pete's sake," uh,
45
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,200
"for the love of Mike,"
46
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,200
"heavens to Betsy,"
47
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,710
who are all these people?
48
00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:10,710
( chuckles ):
Hey, Carlton.
49
00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:12,720
Carlton Blanchard.
50
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,720
Hey, you guys,
it's Carlton Blanchard.
51
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,720
Ah, heh-heh, great.
Now he's coming over here.
52
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,730
Joe, fire Lowell.
Okay.
53
00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:24,730
Howdy-do, fellas.
Hey.
54
00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:26,730
Miss Cochran.
55
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:31,230
I haven't seen you boys
since we took our trip.
56
00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:34,740
A lot of memories, huh?
57
00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:37,240
Yes, but if I drink enough
and leave a light on,
58
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,240
I can almost sleep through
the night.
59
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,250
That brings up
an interesting question.
60
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:44,750
If you have a nightmare
61
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,750
during the day,
62
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:50,250
what do you call it?
63
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:54,260
I'll let you know as soon
as this one's over.
64
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,760
Aeromass flight 12
from New York
65
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,760
is now arriving at Gate 1.
66
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,760
Hot diggity.
That's my son's flight.
67
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,770
You're meeting your son here.
Oh, yes.
68
00:03:03,770 --> 00:03:06,270
I'm very excited.
He so rarely visits.
69
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,270
Well, go figure.
70
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:12,280
Ah, what a great day.
71
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:16,280
I found my grandfather's ring
that I thought I had lost,
72
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:20,280
my first fare
gives me a $50 tip,
73
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:23,790
and a beautiful woman asks me
for my phone number.
74
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:26,790
Nothing, nothing can go wrong
for Antonio this day.
75
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:29,790
Hey there, Angelo.
76
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,300
He's back.
77
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,800
Oh, my God.
78
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:37,800
( chuckles )
79
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,800
Oh, my God.
80
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,810
Roy, I got five out of six
numbers on the lottery.
81
00:03:42,810 --> 00:03:44,310
D-do you know what this means?
82
00:03:44,310 --> 00:03:46,310
I won $25,000.
83
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,810
Good for you.
Now get back to work.
84
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:51,310
I don't think so.
Not today, big boy.
85
00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:54,820
'Cause today I've got
25,000 presidents in my pocket
86
00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:56,820
who've all been dying
to say something to you
87
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:57,820
for a long time.
88
00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,320
You're over-bearing.
89
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,320
You're obnoxious.
90
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,330
You're rude.
That's last week's paper.
91
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:05,830
But overshadowing it all
92
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:07,830
is your generous,
forgiving nature.
93
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:10,330
Why, if you were a woman,
94
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:11,840
I'd kiss you on the lips.
95
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:15,340
Heh-heh. But ain't nobody
makin' that mistake.
96
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:21,340
Oh, Mr. Blanchard.
Hi, how are you?
97
00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:24,350
Oh, tired and in constant pain.
98
00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,850
Thanks for asking.
99
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,350
Where's your son?
100
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:29,850
He couldn't make it.
101
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:33,860
Guess he's too busy to celebrate
his old dad's birthday.
102
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:36,860
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm used to it.
103
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,860
He didn't even have time
to come to visit me
104
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:42,870
when I had my bypass surgery.
105
00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:45,870
You mean someone saved his life
on purpose?
106
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:50,870
Well, it's only
my 70th birthday.
107
00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:53,880
It's not exactly a milestone.
108
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,380
I guess I'll just go home
109
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,880
and shove a candle in a cupcake.
110
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,880
Are you gonna be all alone?
111
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,890
Same as every year.
112
00:05:03,890 --> 00:05:05,390
Bye.
113
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:11,900
You know what we should do?
114
00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:13,400
We should throw him
a birthday party.
115
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,400
No, no, Helen.
Oh, no.
No.
116
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,900
Helen, don't. Don't. No.
You have no idea.
117
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,900
I cannot believe how selfish
you're all being.
118
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:22,410
I mean,
it's his 70th birthday.
119
00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:24,410
Who knows
if he'll make it to 71?
120
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:26,410
Yes. Who knows?
121
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,410
Uh, I'll go, Helen.
122
00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:31,410
Thank you, Fay.
Lowell, how about you?
123
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:33,420
Absolutely.
I like him.
124
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,920
Antonio?
( sighs )
125
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,420
Couldn't I just sign the card?
126
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,420
All right.
127
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:41,420
Good.
128
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:43,430
Guys?
129
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:44,930
Well...
130
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:46,430
I'll go if Brian does.
131
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,430
Yeah, okay.
I'll go.
132
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:50,430
What? I only said that
133
00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:52,440
because I thought
you wouldn't go.
134
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,440
I gave you the signal
and everything.
135
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,440
( upbeat theme playing )
136
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:08,450
Boy. It's hard to believe
that Carlton's turning 70.
137
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:11,960
Phew. Can you imagine
all he's lived through?
138
00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:13,960
1920s.
139
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,460
1930s.
140
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,460
1940s.
141
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,960
Lowell.
142
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,460
'50s.
143
00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:21,970
'60s.
Lowell.
144
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,970
'70s, '80s, '90s.
145
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,970
Okay, everybody, here they come.
Uh, quiet.
146
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:32,980
HELEN:
I told you I don't know.
147
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:34,480
Well, think about it.
148
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,980
If it's neither here nor there,
where the hell is it?
149
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,980
ALL:
Surprise!
150
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:41,980
Jiminy Cricket.
151
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:44,490
You nearly scared me to death.
152
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:47,490
Perhaps he could enter again
so we could get it right.
153
00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:52,500
What are you people
doing here?
154
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:55,000
Well, we're here to celebrate
your birthday.
155
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,500
A birthday party?
156
00:06:56,500 --> 00:07:00,000
Oh, that's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.
157
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,510
Where are the presents?
158
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:04,510
Well, we threw it together
so fast
159
00:07:04,510 --> 00:07:06,010
we really didn't have a chance
to get you any.
160
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:09,010
You had time to get balloons.
161
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:14,520
So happy birthday, Carlton.
162
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,020
It's good to see you again.
163
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:18,020
Who are you, anyway?
164
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:20,020
I'm Lowell. Lowell Mather.
165
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:22,020
Mather, Mather.
166
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:23,530
Would you by any chance
167
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:26,530
be related to Jeanette Mather?
168
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,030
Uh, yeah, she's my great aunt.
169
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:30,030
Do you know her?
170
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,030
Oh, I practically married her.
171
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,540
But you know what they say.
172
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:36,040
"Why buy the cow when you
can get the milk for free?"
173
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,040
( laughs )
174
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,540
( upbeat theme playing )
175
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:49,050
That's seventeen questions.
176
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:50,550
Three more to go.
177
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,060
Was he married?
178
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,060
Yes.
179
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,060
Two more to go.
180
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,060
Is it my turn?
Yes.
181
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,070
One more to go.
182
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:06,570
( sighs ):
All right.
183
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:09,570
Uh, was this person
a politician?
184
00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:10,570
No.
185
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:12,580
That's twenty questions.
186
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:15,080
I win!
187
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,580
Okay, who was it?
188
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:20,080
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
189
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,080
But when-- When-- When--
When-- When-- When--
190
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,590
When Brian asked you
if he was a politician,
191
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,590
you said no.
192
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:31,090
Well, I was afraid
that would give it away.
193
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:34,100
Uh, Helen, don't you have to get
up early tomorrow to do that,
194
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:36,600
uh, uh, thing
that you have to do tomorrow?
195
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,600
Little thing...
What?
The thing...
196
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,100
Oh, the thing that I have to do
tomorrow?
197
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,100
Yeah, uh, boy,
we'd better call it a night.
198
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,110
I've got this thing.
Oh, yeah.
199
00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:45,610
Oh, the party's over already?
200
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:48,110
I've hardly had any excitement.
201
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,110
( gasps )
How's that?
202
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,110
( laughs ):
Well...
203
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:55,120
Okay, you bunch
of party poopers.
204
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,620
But, uh, I've got to visit
205
00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,620
the little birthday boy's room
before I go.
206
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,130
Okay, it's upstairs.
207
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,130
Oh, that's convenient.
208
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:12,140
Hey. What are you all doing?
209
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:14,140
Ditching the old man
while his pants are down.
210
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,140
Wait.
211
00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:19,140
It's dark up here.
Where's the light switch?
212
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:20,640
It's on the wall.
213
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,150
You can't leave me here alone
with him.
214
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:23,650
I don't see it.
215
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,150
( thumping )
Aaaagh!
216
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,150
( groaning )
217
00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:34,160
Well, happy birthday, Carlton.
218
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,660
( upbeat theme playing )
219
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:44,670
Oh.
220
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:48,170
My ankle really,
really hurts.
221
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,170
Yeah, well,
you heard what the doctor said.
222
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,670
It's just a mild sprain.
223
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:54,180
In a couple days you'll be
as good as...
224
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:56,680
You'll be your old self again.
225
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,180
Okay. Let's get you home.
226
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:00,180
Well, my leg feels
227
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:03,690
like hot pins are going into it.
228
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,190
And I'm very thirsty.
229
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:09,190
Okay. I'll just get you
something to drink first.
230
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:10,690
I think I have some grape juice.
231
00:10:10,690 --> 00:10:14,200
Actually I'm allergic to that.
232
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,200
Okay. How about some diet soda?
233
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,200
Oh, carbonation doesn't agree
with me.
234
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,200
Milk?
235
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,200
Ah!
236
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,710
I am lactose intolerant.
237
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:29,710
I had a terrible time
at my mother's breast.
238
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,720
Oh, God. I just pictured that.
239
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,220
Ow!
240
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,720
Look, Carlton, I really think
you should call your son
241
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,720
so he can come home
and take care of you.
242
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,230
He's too busy with his fancy
New York law firm.
243
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:46,730
Besides, he'd take one look
at this,
244
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,230
and he'd smell a lawsuit.
245
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:52,240
A lawsuit?
246
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:55,240
Well, I did fall
on your property,
247
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:59,240
in front of five witnesses.
248
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,740
Carlton, you'd take me to court?
249
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:04,750
Not me, my son,
Carlton Jr.
250
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:08,250
Believe me, I'm not proud
of that barracuda
251
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,750
that sprang from these loins.
252
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:14,260
And just when I got the picture
of you breast-feeding
253
00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:15,760
out of my mind.
254
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:20,760
Look, um, why don't you
stay here for the night?
255
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:21,760
Well, if you insist.
256
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,270
But I don't want to be
an inconvenience.
257
00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:27,270
Oh, no, you won't be
an inconvenience.
258
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,270
I'll just make the sofa for you.
259
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:33,780
Oh, so you get the good bed?
260
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:34,780
Well, it's upstairs.
261
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,280
Oh, that's right,
262
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,780
and you'd have to carry me up.
Hm.
263
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,790
The couch will be fine.
264
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:51,790
( upbeat theme playing )
265
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,300
A week, Joe. A week.
266
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:56,800
The doctor said
he was supposed to be
267
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,800
on his feet after
two days,
268
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,800
and he's still on his back
after a week.
269
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,310
This guy's driving me nuts.
270
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:03,310
The house is always too cold.
271
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:06,310
He needs his food cut
in tiny little bite-size pieces.
272
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:08,810
Oh, and don't get me started
on those questions.
273
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:11,310
( imitating Carlton ):
"Why do you suppose this?
274
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:13,820
And why do you suppose that?"
275
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,820
Here's a radical suggestion.
276
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,820
Why don't you just ship him home
to his family?
277
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,320
I can't.
If his son finds out
278
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,820
that Carlton fell
on my property,
279
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:22,330
he'll sue me
for everything I've got.
280
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,830
I could lose
this lunch counter.
281
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,330
That would be a good name
for this place,
282
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:26,830
"The Lose-Your-Lunch Counter."
283
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:30,330
( beeping )
284
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,330
Carlton, leave me alone.
285
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,840
Oh, he got you a beeper?
286
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,340
He wanted to reach me
in case of an emergency.
287
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,840
All right, what is it,
Carlton?
288
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,350
( chuckles )
289
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:45,350
No, now I don't think
this is an emergency.
290
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:48,350
Okay. I'll get you some
on the way home.
291
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,350
All right. Bye-bye.
292
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:52,860
How much trail mix
can one man eat?
293
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:56,360
I'm really losing my mind here.
You guys have got to help me.
294
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,860
I just can't do it by myself.
Please.
295
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,860
You see, I...
Well, how could I...
296
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,870
( muttering )
297
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:04,370
I don't believe this.
298
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:07,370
If any of you needed anything,
I'm always there for you.
299
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,370
I ask for one simple favor,
300
00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:10,870
and you act like I'm asking
for your kidney.
301
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:13,380
That you could have.
302
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,880
Fine.
303
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:20,880
Oh, wait a minute, Helen.
304
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,390
Uh, I can help out.
305
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:23,890
All right.
Thank you, Fay.
306
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,390
Uh, and I just drive around
all day in my cab,
307
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,890
so I suppose I could run
an errand or two.
308
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,390
Thank you, Antonio.
309
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:32,900
Well, I don't know what more
you expect from me.
310
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:36,400
I went over there last night and
gave old Carlton a sponge bath.
311
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,900
No, you didn't.
312
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,410
You're at 614 Elm, right?
313
00:13:45,410 --> 00:13:47,410
No, I'm at 612 Elm.
314
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:56,920
Whew.
Okay, what about you guys?
315
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,420
Are you gonna help me?
316
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,920
Well, uh...
317
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:02,930
I'll do it if you will.
318
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:06,430
Um, yeah, okay.
I'll do it.
319
00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:08,930
Damn it!
You missed my signal again.
320
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:11,430
W-we need a new system.
This isn't working at all.
321
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,440
( upbeat theme playing )
322
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:20,440
What is this?
323
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,950
Well, that couch of yours
is like a rock.
324
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:26,450
So I rented this for a month.
325
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:27,950
( sighs )
326
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,950
They'll bill you.
327
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:32,460
( phone ringing )
328
00:14:32,450 --> 00:14:34,960
I'm not here.
329
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,960
Fay, watch him.
330
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,970
( chuckles ):
Hello.
331
00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:47,470
Hello.
332
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:53,980
Empty!
333
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,480
Empty!
334
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,990
Why are you doing that?
335
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:04,990
It's annoying.
336
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:07,990
Oh, that's right.
You're new.
337
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:12,500
That's my signal to indicate
that my glass is empty.
338
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:14,000
Well, Carlton,
the pitcher's right here.
339
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,500
Empty!
340
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,000
Okay. Okay.
341
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,500
Oh, thanks.
342
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:25,510
And, uh, one favor, please.
343
00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:30,010
Would you mind cranking me up
a little?
344
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,510
All right.
345
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,020
( chuckles )
346
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,520
You thought I meant the bed.
347
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:50,530
You realize I could snap you
like a twig.
348
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:53,040
Tease, tease, tease.
349
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,540
That's it.
I'm out of here.
350
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,550
Where did Fay go?
351
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:05,550
All right, what'd you say
to her?
Nothing.
352
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,050
One minute she's fine,
353
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,550
the next minute she's bitter
as a pill.
354
00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:11,050
Which reminds me,
355
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:14,560
my ankle is beginning
to throb.
356
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,560
Well, take your pill.
357
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,060
I'd love to but, heh-heh...
358
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:20,560
Empty!
359
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:25,070
( doorbell rings )
360
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,080
I have the old man's cats.
361
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:41,080
You didn't ask me if you could
bring your cats here, Carlton.
362
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,590
I can't bear the thought
of my little pussy-wussies
363
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:47,090
being left all alone.
364
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,090
Well, see ya.
No, Antonio, listen.
365
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,590
I've got to go
run some errands,
366
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:52,090
and he doesn't like
to be alone at night.
367
00:16:52,090 --> 00:16:53,600
I-I already brought the cats.
368
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,100
Look, Jake, you owe me.
369
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,600
I married you so immigration
370
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,600
wouldn't kick your butt
out of this country.
371
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,100
You equate that
with being alone with him?
372
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:06,110
It's time for somebody
to rub my feet.
373
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:07,110
You're on. See ya.
374
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,110
( sighs )
375
00:17:10,610 --> 00:17:12,610
Please.
376
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,120
( speaking in Italian )
377
00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:33,640
Hurry up.
378
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:42,650
Ohhh.
379
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,650
That's nice.
380
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,650
Say, Angelo,
381
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:53,160
do you know the song,
"That's Amore"?
382
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:56,160
Yes.
383
00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:00,160
Well, if the moon hits your eye
like a big pizza pie,
384
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,670
how do you think a doorknob
would feel?
385
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,170
I don't know.
386
00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:10,670
Well, try this.
387
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:14,180
If we were derived
from the kangaroo
388
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:17,180
instead of the monkey,
389
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:21,180
do you suppose we'd still need
pockets in our pants?
390
00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:25,690
( whimpers ):
I don't know.
391
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,190
Well, here's another.
392
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:32,190
Can a man catch
a fungal infection
393
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:35,200
just by touching a man
on his foot?
394
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,200
Ugh!
395
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,700
You disgusting old man.
396
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:46,210
Hear me now, Blanchard.
397
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:49,210
If you tell Helen
that I left early,
398
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:53,220
I will track you down
and I will kill you.
399
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:08,230
MAN ( on TV ):
As this latest frontal system
moves through our area--
400
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,230
( rock music playing
on TV )
401
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:22,750
Antonio, I forgot--
402
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:25,750
( TV silences )
403
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:31,750
What are you doing?
404
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:34,760
Well, I was feeling better
405
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,760
so I thought
I'd try to see
406
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,760
if I could actually take
a few steps.
407
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:42,760
You were dancing.
408
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,770
Oh, if only.
409
00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:51,770
You nasty little leprechaun.
410
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:54,280
I don't believe this.
I am so gullible.
411
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,780
They warned me about you,
and I didn't believe 'em.
412
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:59,280
I didn't do any harm.
413
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,780
Oh, you didn't do any harm?
I've been scared all week
414
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,790
that your son was gonna
drag me into court.
415
00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:05,790
I wouldn't take you to court.
416
00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:07,290
I couldn't.
417
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,290
You see, I, uh,
kind of exaggerated
418
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:13,300
about my son.
419
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:15,800
Oh, he's not a lawyer,
is he?
420
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,800
I don't have a son.
421
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,300
What?
422
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,810
I don't have any children.
423
00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:25,810
That I know of.
424
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:26,810
( laughs )
425
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,810
Then what were you doing
at the airport?
426
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:33,820
Well, it was my birthday
and, uh,
427
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:36,820
I had such a good time
with those fellas--
428
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:39,820
That you thought you would con
us into throwing you a party.
429
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:42,820
And you faked falling down
the stairs.
430
00:20:42,820 --> 00:20:43,830
Oh, no, I did fall down
the stairs.
431
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:45,330
You wanna see the bruises?
432
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:46,830
Don't you dare.
433
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,830
I'm sorry.
Ugh.
434
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:54,340
But, you see, most people
aren't nice to me
435
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,840
unless I pay them
436
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,840
or trick them.
437
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,850
Look, you don't have to do that.
438
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:06,350
So look, from now on,
if you want something from me,
439
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:07,850
just ask me.
440
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,850
Oh. In that case,
441
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:12,350
could I stay here
a little longer?
442
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:15,360
I'd rather be thrown naked
into a Turkish prison.
443
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,360
Is that a no?
444
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,360
( upbeat theme playing )
445
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,870
All right, Carlton,
all your cats are loaded up
446
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,370
and ready to go.
All eight of them?
447
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:32,370
Let's see. One, two, three,
four, five, eight.
448
00:21:32,370 --> 00:21:33,880
Yeah, they're all here.
449
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,380
Okay. Bye, Carlton.
450
00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:36,380
Come on, Carlton, let me--
451
00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:37,380
Let me take that.
No, no, I--
452
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:39,380
No, no, please, let me take it.
I said, no.
453
00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:40,380
Would you let me--?
Oh, fine.
454
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:41,880
Ow!
455
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,390
It's my hip.
456
00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:46,890
Helen.
Oh, no.
457
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,390
You break him, you take him.
Helen. Helen.
458
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:49,390
( upbeat theme playing )
459
00:21:55,200 --> 00:22:07,410
( upbeat theme playing )
31468
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