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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,590
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:09,590
Hey, Lowell.
3
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:12,100
How come you guys
always call me Lowell?
4
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,100
That's your name.
5
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:16,600
I-I know, but I mean,
6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,100
all the guys
that I hang out with
7
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,100
have these really cool
nicknames.
8
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:22,610
May-- Maybe you guys can help me
come up with one.
9
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:25,610
Well, what kind of name
do you want?
10
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,610
Well, you know, a nickname
should emphasize
11
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,110
your greatest qualities.
12
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:32,620
At least, you know,
that's what Scab O'Neil told me.
13
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:36,620
Scab?
14
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,620
Yeah, he's had it
all his life.
15
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:42,130
Of course, he just got
the nickname a couple years ago.
16
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:44,630
Well, we'll give it
some thought, Lowell.
17
00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:46,630
Hey, my plane
needs refueling.
18
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,630
Hop to it, slack-ass.
19
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:52,640
Hey.
20
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:53,640
Slack-ass!
21
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:57,640
I like the ring of that.
22
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,140
( upbeat theme playing )
23
00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:06,150
Whoa, whoa, code pink.
24
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,650
Alex Lambert at 11:00.
25
00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:11,150
Hey, Alex, you're looking
really nice today.
26
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:12,660
Guys.
27
00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:15,660
Sure, she pretends
to be aloof.
28
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:20,160
Did you get that little tingle
of frustrated sexual desire?
29
00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:22,670
Yeah, coming from you.
30
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:23,670
I know, damn it.
31
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:27,170
I just-- I wish there was
some way to get to that woman.
32
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:30,170
You know, if only I had the--
The key.
33
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:31,170
The key?
34
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:33,680
Yeah, yeah. Clue with a key.
Secret words.
35
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,180
You know,
whatever it takes.
36
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:36,180
Idea. Got an idea.
37
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,680
Got an idea.
38
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:40,680
Ow! Ooh! Ooh!
39
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,690
Oh-ho-ho! Ow!
40
00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:44,690
Ow!
41
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:46,690
What's your problem?
Oh, well,
42
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,190
the cold weather brings on
this horrific pain
43
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:50,690
in my shoulders.
44
00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:52,200
It's an old football injury,
you know.
45
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,200
Ow! Just--
46
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,200
Just wish there was some way
to relieve it, you know.
47
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,200
A back rub or a massage
or something like that.
48
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,710
ALEX:
Try this.
49
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,210
Bend over...
Yeah.
50
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,210
...place your head between
your legs,
51
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:07,710
and then do somersaults
until it suddenly gets dark.
52
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,220
I take it we can rule out
the sympathy ploy.
53
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,220
Thank you.
I would love that.
54
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:20,720
You want to pick me up here?
55
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,230
Um, how does 8:00 sound?
56
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:25,730
Well, not as good as,
say, 7:30?
57
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:27,730
Okay.
Seven-thirty it is.
58
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:29,230
MAN:
Great. Bye.
59
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:35,740
My, my. Oh, our little girl
dating already.
60
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:37,740
They grow up so fast.
61
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:41,740
Seems like only yesterday I was
pelting her with snowballs.
62
00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:44,750
( chuckles )
It was yesterday.
63
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,250
Which reminds me,
I saved one for you.
64
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:52,760
You know, that sort of thing
is funny
65
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,260
until someone loses an eye.
66
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:56,760
So, Helen,
who was that guy anyway?
67
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,260
Oh, his name's Stan Barlow.
I met him this morning.
68
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,760
He's really cute,
isn't he?
69
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,770
You just met him and you're
already going out with him?
70
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:04,270
Yeah, I decided to waive
71
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,770
the customary 90-day
waiting period.
72
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,270
BRIAN:
What's so special
about this guy?
73
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:12,280
Well, if you must know,
he's, um, handsome,
74
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,780
he's charming, and...
75
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:16,280
I don't know.
He's sensitive.
76
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,280
Oh, sensitivity.
77
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,280
Men have turned
into such wimps.
78
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:25,290
Helen, you want to freshen
this café au lait, please?
79
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:27,290
I was telling Stan
this story about how,
80
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,290
when I was a little girl,
my kitten ran away,
81
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,800
and every night I'd put
a little saucer of milk out
82
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:33,300
hoping he would return.
83
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:36,300
And when I looked up,
he had a tear in his eye.
84
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,800
An actual tear.
85
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,300
You know what I call guys
like that?
86
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:42,310
Chicks.
87
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,810
Yeah.
88
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,810
Speaking of interesting
pet stories,
89
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:52,320
did I ever tell you guys the--
About the time
90
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,820
that I put an entire kitten
in my mouth?
91
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,320
Okay, I'll ask.
92
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:01,820
Why?
93
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:03,830
Well, you know
that kids' game
94
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:05,830
where you see who can put
the largest animal
95
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:06,830
in their mouth?
96
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:11,330
Well, my cousin Randy put
a hamster in his mouth,
97
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:13,340
so you know, I thought
I'd go him one better.
98
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,840
How could you do that?
99
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,340
Y-you just fold their little
legs down like a card table,
100
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:20,840
and then you just--
101
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,350
Oh, my God!
102
00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:25,350
Well, you asked.
103
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,850
JOE:
Helen, let me get
this straight.
104
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,350
All this guy Stan did was cry
105
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:30,850
and you agreed to go out
with him?
106
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:32,360
Yes. Believe it or not,
107
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,860
sensitivity in a man
is very attractive.
108
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:37,860
Sensitivity.
109
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,860
I wonder if I should try that
with Alex.
110
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,860
Ha! Yeah, you do,
you'll end up looking stupid,
111
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,370
laughable and pathetic. Ha!
112
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:44,870
Go for it.
113
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:47,870
Grown men crying.
114
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:50,370
Last time I cried,
I was 7 years old.
115
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:52,380
My mom took me to see Bambi.
116
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,880
Boy, I remember the time
I cried.
117
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,880
My parents took me downtown
to see ordinary people.
118
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:02,890
Yeah. That was a sad movie.
119
00:05:03,890 --> 00:05:05,390
What movie?
120
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:09,890
( upbeat theme playing )
121
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,400
Hey, ace.
122
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,400
You wanted to see me
about something?
123
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,900
Oh-- Oh, yeah, right.
I just wanted to return
124
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:21,400
that socket wrench I borrowed.
It's over on the table.
125
00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:24,410
Right underneath
the calendar.
126
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:30,910
This is a first.
127
00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:32,420
A calendar
in an airplane hangar
128
00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:34,920
that doesn't have
naked bimbos on it.
129
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,920
Cute kittens.
Oh.
130
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,420
Oh, yeah.
131
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,420
Oh, that. Right, yeah.
132
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:40,920
Listen, don't tell anyone
about that,
133
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:44,930
but, uh, I do have a sort of
a thing for kitties.
134
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:46,430
Yeah, I'm more of a dog person
myself.
135
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,430
Oh, yeah, actually,
I am too. Yeah.
136
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,930
But I've had a hard time
ever since I lost Ranger.
137
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:53,940
He was my first puppy.
He ran away when I was 6.
138
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:55,440
Every night
for a whole year after that
139
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,940
I would leave a saucer of...
meat out for him.
140
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,950
But, you know, just don't get me
talking about that
141
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:05,450
'cause I'm likely to cry
and make a fool out of myself.
142
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:06,950
You cry?
143
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,450
Well, not in front of people.
144
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:12,460
I-- I guess I have
this dumb guy-thing
145
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:14,960
about not showing
how sensitive I am.
146
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,960
There's nothing wrong
with showing your emotions.
147
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,960
It's kind of hard not to when
you get me talking about dogs.
148
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,470
I just love 'em.
149
00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:24,470
Really?
150
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:26,470
It's a side of you
I've never seen before.
151
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,970
Well...
152
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:34,980
Listen-- Oh, I promised myself
I wasn't going to do this,
153
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:37,480
but do you have plans
for the weekend?
154
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,480
Nothing I can't cancel.
155
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,990
Great. Uh, could you wait here
for a second?
156
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:42,990
Yeah, sure.
157
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,490
Okay, Joe, time to go over
the flight logs.
158
00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:51,490
Uh, no, it isn't.
Oh-- Oh, yes, it is.
159
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:54,500
These are already overdue,
and I will not let this slide.
160
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:57,500
I happen to take great pride
in my work and in my dedication
161
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,000
to this company.
162
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,000
Leave right now and you can have
the rest of the day off.
163
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,510
Hey, it's not my name
on the door.
164
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:04,010
See you Monday.
165
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:07,510
ALEX:
Are you sure you're free
this weekend?
166
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,010
Yeah, I'm all yours.
167
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,020
Great,
168
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:13,520
'cause I have to go
to Boston.
169
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,520
I was just, uh, getting ready
to take Chopper to the kennel,
170
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,520
but I thought, you know,
you love dogs so much,
171
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,020
I thought maybe...
Chopper?
172
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:22,020
( barking )
173
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:23,030
I know he looks
174
00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:25,030
like a handful,
but he really is a sweetie.
175
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,530
( growls, barks )
176
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,030
If it's an imposition...
Uh...
177
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:31,530
well, uh-- Yeah, if it'll
help you out, I...
178
00:07:31,530 --> 00:07:34,040
Terrific. Now, he eats
anything you eat
179
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,540
and he'll sleep anywhere.
180
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:38,540
Oh, uh, he does go a little nuts
if he hears a bell ring,
181
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:41,040
so you may want to take
your phone off the hook.
182
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,550
For the whole weekend?
183
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,050
Thanks.
184
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:47,050
Yeah. Bye.
185
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,550
So, Chopper,
just you and me, huh?
186
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:51,550
Yeah, just the romantic weekend
I had in mind.
187
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,060
( phone rings )
( growls )
188
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,560
JOE:
Chopper! No! No--
189
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,560
( Chopper growls, barks )
Joe: Ow! Chopper! Ow!
190
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,560
( Joe shouting indistinctly )
191
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,570
( upbeat theme playing )
192
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,570
Well, still haven't chosen
a nickname, Roy.
193
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:14,580
But I've narrowed it down
to the final three.
194
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:17,080
Tell me what you think.
195
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,580
Turbo.
196
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:22,090
El conquistador de amore.
197
00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:26,590
And Jerry.
198
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,590
How 'bout just plain "idiot"?
199
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:32,600
Oh, that's a big help.
200
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,600
Half the guys
I know are idiots.
201
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,100
Hey, what's, uh--?
What's all this, Roy?
202
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,610
I'm lining up receipts
for my tax audit.
203
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,610
You'd think the IRS would
have more respect
204
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:46,610
for an upstanding businessman
who's the sole support
205
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,610
of 26 children.
206
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,620
Roy, you don't have
26 children.
207
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:56,120
What, did you just fall off
the tortellini truck?
208
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,120
It's a tax dodge.
Everybody does it.
209
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,120
For example, ask me,
how's business?
210
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,630
How's business?
Congratulations.
211
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:04,630
You just had
your first business lunch.
212
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:07,630
Now, you pay for my check.
You can write it off your taxes.
213
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:11,630
Yo, Dr. Dolittle.
214
00:09:11,630 --> 00:09:13,140
Been talking
to the animals again,
215
00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:15,640
you sensitive guy, you?
216
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,140
What kind of person
teaches a dog
217
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,640
that "Here, boy"
is an attack command?
218
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,150
Uh, so how was your date
with Stan last night?
219
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:24,650
Ugh! It ended in tears.
220
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,650
Oh, no, what'd he do to you?
221
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,150
No, not my tears.
222
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,150
The man cries at everything.
223
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:32,660
Last night it was
a Marx Brothers movie.
224
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:35,160
He was sad
because Harpo couldn't speak.
225
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,660
I'll tell you what,
226
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,660
there is such a thing
as being too sensitive.
227
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:40,660
Uh, I don't know.
228
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,670
Maybe it's just
my upbringing,
229
00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:46,670
but I never allow anyone
to see me cry.
230
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:47,670
Never?
231
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,170
Test me.
232
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:52,170
Pull a hair out of my nose.
233
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:54,180
Go ahead.
234
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,680
Well, I've never liked
the sensitive type.
235
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,180
I've always liked my men
to be men.
236
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:02,690
Rugged and with the spirit
of the Old West.
237
00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:07,690
I like big, barrel-chested men
who laugh in the face of danger.
238
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,690
Fay, you just described
a rodeo clown.
239
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:13,700
Yes, I know.
240
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,200
So, uh, I take it you're not
planning on seeing anymore
241
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,710
of this Stan guy?
Pfft. No way, nohow.
242
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,710
Well, good, because I wasn't
going to tell you before,
243
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:27,710
but I noticed him downtown
244
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,710
having coffee with
this incredibly hot redhead.
245
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:31,710
You're kidding.
No.
246
00:10:31,710 --> 00:10:33,220
He was out with another woman?
247
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:34,220
Pfft.
248
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:35,720
Who?
249
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,220
Well, you're not jealous,
are you?
250
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:41,220
No, of course
I'm not jealous.
251
00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:42,730
Who was she?
252
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:45,730
Was she prettier than me?
Oh, God, I'm losing him.
253
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,740
Jealousy. Interesting.
254
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,240
My ex-wife
was terribly jealous.
255
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,740
It started
on our honeymoon.
256
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,740
If I so much as looked
at another woman,
257
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:03,250
she'd get up, snatch
the binoculars out of my hand,
258
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:04,250
drag me back to bed.
259
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:10,750
Hey, Alex, can I--?
Can I bother you for a second?
260
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:11,750
You already have.
261
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:13,760
( laughs )
262
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,260
Look, um...
263
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,760
( sighs )
264
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,760
We both know that I've been
coming on to you a lot lately,
265
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,270
and I-- And I think
I owe you an explanation.
266
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:24,770
This ought to be good.
267
00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:27,270
Well, the truth is,
268
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,770
I've been trying to get you
to go out with me
269
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:31,770
in order to make
my girlfriend jealous.
270
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:34,280
You're kidding.
You have a girlfriend?
271
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,780
Yeah.
272
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,280
But she's been-- She's been
taking me for granted,
273
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,780
so I thought, you know,
I had a stupid idea
274
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:43,290
that if she saw me with you,
275
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:45,790
then it would get us
back on track.
276
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,290
You're right.
277
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,790
So you-- You'll do it?
278
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:50,290
No, you're right.
It was a stupid idea.
279
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:53,300
Oh, come on. Come on.
Just do this one thing for me.
280
00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:54,300
Just one thing.
281
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:55,300
It's dumb.
282
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,300
How would she even know
I was out with you?
283
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,300
Okay. Okay. She-- She works
at the Club Car, okay?
284
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:01,300
I mean, we could have dinner
there one night.
285
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,310
In fact,
she's working there tonight,
286
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:04,810
if you're free.
287
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,810
If I do this, will you finally
leave me alone?
288
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:12,320
Absolutely.
289
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:13,320
All right.
290
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:16,820
Just so there's
no misunderstanding,
291
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:20,320
I am only going out with you
because I find you disgusting.
292
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,830
You're a true friend.
293
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,830
( mellow theme playing )
294
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,840
Have I told you how incredible
you look in that dress,
295
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,340
the little bit of you
that's actually in it?
296
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,350
Thank you.
297
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:44,350
You don't think
it's too décolleté?
298
00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:46,350
No. It's just colleté enough.
299
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,350
Well,
300
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,850
to us.
301
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:55,860
So where is she?
302
00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,360
Where's who?
303
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,860
Your girlfriend.
You said she worked here.
304
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,860
Mm, mm. Yeah.
305
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,870
She's, uh-- She is...
She is, uh--
306
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:04,370
Oh, she's back there.
307
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:06,870
She's in the back,
way in back.
308
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:07,870
She's not even
looking at us.
309
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,370
Oh, hey, believe me,
she sees us.
310
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:13,880
She has incredible
peripheral vision.
311
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,380
First thing that actually
attracted me to her.
312
00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:18,380
So enough about her.
313
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,380
Call her over.
314
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,380
Mm...
315
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:24,390
Yup, we could do that.
We could do that.
316
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:27,890
But I think really the beauty
of this plan is the subtlety,
317
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,390
with which we're,
you know--
318
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:30,390
Call her.
319
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,400
Oh, miss!
320
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,900
Miss?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
321
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,400
I call her "Miss" for short.
322
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,400
Her pet name is Missy.
323
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,400
Just a second, sir.
324
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:43,910
( chuckles )
325
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:44,910
She calls me "Sir"
for short.
326
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:46,910
Her pet name for me is Sirhan.
327
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:50,410
Missy-- Missy, hey...
Yes?
328
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:52,920
Uh, I just want to thank you
for this wine.
329
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:53,920
It's-- It's just terrific.
330
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,920
Well, good.
I'm glad you like it.
331
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:56,920
( chuckles )
332
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,920
Playing it very cool.
333
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,930
Look, I don't have all night.
334
00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:03,930
Let's get this over with.
335
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,430
We might as well go for it.
336
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:06,930
Go-- Go for it?
337
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,430
Yeah. If you want
to make her jealous,
338
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,930
I should come on to you.
339
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:13,440
Well, hell, I'm just desperate
enough to try anything.
340
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,450
Is it having any effect?
341
00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:25,450
Like you would not believe.
342
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,950
Hey, hey, hey,
343
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,950
you know what would really
push her over the edge?
344
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:33,960
If you were to kiss me. Huh?
345
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,460
All right.
346
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:36,960
But if this doesn't work,
I'm out of here.
347
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,960
Trust me. Trust me.
It'll work. It'll work.
348
00:14:42,970 --> 00:14:44,970
Oh, God!
What? What?
349
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:46,470
You ordered the garlic bread.
350
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,970
No, no, no, it's Otto,
my ex-boyfriend,
351
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,470
over there by the door.
352
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:51,970
There's a door
behind that guy?
353
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,480
ALEX:
I didn't think
he was crazy enough
354
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,980
to follow me
all the way from Florida.
355
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:57,980
I gotta check
on the entrées--
356
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,480
( chuckling ):
Hey.
357
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,980
I knew you were seeing somebody
behind my back.
358
00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:03,490
Well, hey, we--
We never said
359
00:15:03,490 --> 00:15:05,490
we weren't allowed
to date other people.
360
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,490
Otto,
he's not even with me.
361
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:09,990
He's here with his girlfriend.
That's right.
362
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:11,990
My girlfriend.
Hey, baby!
363
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,000
What are you, crazy?
Get off me, you creep!
364
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,000
Isn't that just like a woman?
365
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,000
First they tell you
you're not affectionate enough.
366
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,510
Once you are,
you're a creep.
367
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,010
( chuckling )
Damn it, Otto!
368
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:27,010
You can't beat up
every guy you see me with.
369
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,010
Now, besides, this is not
gonna work this time
370
00:15:29,010 --> 00:15:30,510
because this guy
is gonna fight back.
371
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:31,510
No, no, no,
that's not true.
372
00:15:31,510 --> 00:15:33,520
I'm not a fighter
because one punch,
373
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,020
I fold like origami.
374
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,520
( laughs )
375
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,020
( both laugh )
376
00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:40,520
What--? What's so funny?
What? What?
377
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,020
Well, you.
378
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:44,030
You chickened out
just like she said you would.
379
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:46,030
What?
380
00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:47,530
He's an old buddy of mine
from the service.
381
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:50,030
I asked him to drop by here
and shake you up a little.
382
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,030
Oh, no!
383
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:53,540
Boy, you got me, boy.
384
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,540
I should have guessed
the second I heard that--
385
00:15:55,540 --> 00:16:00,040
That stupid, oafish,
jarhead name you made up: Otto.
386
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,540
What--? What--?
What's your real name?
387
00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,050
Otto.
388
00:16:04,550 --> 00:16:07,550
Tell Joe I keep my dental
records in my sock drawer.
389
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,550
Do me a favor, slick,
390
00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:13,560
now that you know
who you're dealing with, don't.
391
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,060
There he is. That's the guy
who grabbed me, right there.
392
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:21,060
Where do you get off
kissing my wife?
393
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,070
Okay, okay, now--
Now, look, listen.
394
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:24,570
Listen, before you do
anything rash,
395
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,570
I think you should know
that I haven't filled out
396
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:27,570
my customer
satisfaction card yet.
397
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:30,570
And you are right
on the line, buddy.
398
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:35,580
( upbeat theme playing )
399
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,080
JOE:
Hey, hey.
400
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,580
If it isn't Kid Hackett.
401
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:41,580
New welterweight chump.
402
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:43,090
( snickers )
403
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:44,590
Very funny, Joe.
Very funny. You got me.
404
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:45,590
Here, boy!
405
00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:47,590
( whistles )
( sighs )
406
00:16:52,590 --> 00:16:54,100
HELEN:
Okay, Stan.
407
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,600
That's great.
I'll see you tonight, then.
408
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,100
Okay, bye.
409
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,600
So you and Stan did get
back together, huh?
410
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,600
Oh, yes,
and I'm so glad we did.
411
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,610
Last night he did
the most incredibly sexy thing.
412
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:08,110
He shows up at my house
with two bags of groceries--
413
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,110
Helen, if this involves
whipped cream and a gravy boat,
414
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:12,110
it's been done before.
415
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:16,120
He cooked me dinner.
416
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:19,620
You guys have no idea what kind
of effect that is on a woman.
417
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,620
But it wasn't just dinner.
418
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:24,630
At the end of the evening,
he did something for me
419
00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:26,630
that no man has ever done.
420
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:31,130
Yeah?
421
00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:32,640
The dishes.
422
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:38,640
Now, that is great.
Why didn't I think of that?
423
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,140
I'm gonna go to Alex's
and cook her dinner.
424
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:42,140
You gotta sneak Lowell in
and have him cook.
425
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:43,150
No, wait,
I'll fly to Boston
426
00:17:43,150 --> 00:17:45,150
and get some gourmet entrées
from La Trouvaille.
427
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:46,150
Oh, yeah! That'll work!
428
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,150
And when she asks for seconds,
429
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,650
what are you gonna do,
fly to Boston?
430
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,650
What are you gonna do? Keep
Lowell curled up under the sink?
431
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:54,160
He's done it before.
432
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,160
Hold it, hold it,
this is stupid.
433
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,160
Aw, now,
it's a little offbeat.
434
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,160
Well, if you want to go through
with this, be my guest.
435
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,660
But I'm-- I'm done.
I'm out of it.
436
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,670
Alex sees through
all this stuff,
437
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,170
and I'm tired of looking
like a fool.
438
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,170
You know what? I'm gonna sit
to have a talk to her.
439
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,670
Just gonna see if maybe we can't
start all over again.
440
00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:14,180
You're not going
without me.
441
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,180
No, I am not talking
about a scam.
442
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:17,180
No, I know, I know.
443
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,180
Maybe I want to start over again
with her too.
444
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:20,680
All right. If you wanna
come with me,
445
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,180
you have to understand
this is just talking.
446
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:25,690
Okay.
No plans. No lies.
447
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:28,190
Just honest, adult conversation.
All right. All right.
448
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:29,690
( scoffs )
449
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,690
Honesty.
450
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:33,200
To think it's come to this.
451
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,200
( mellow theme playing )
452
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,200
( indistinct chatter )
453
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,210
Okay, guys,
454
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:51,210
I said I'd be here
and I'm here.
455
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:53,720
You want to tell me
what all this is about?
456
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,220
Well, we just don't feel
our relationship with you
457
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,720
is working.
458
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:03,230
That's right. It's been
going on for a little while
459
00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:06,230
and we'd just like to know
where we stand.
460
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:07,230
What?
461
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,730
We want to make this work,
462
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:11,230
but a relationship
is a two-way street.
463
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:12,740
BRIAN:
That's right. That's right.
464
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:14,740
Now, on our part,
we may have been too pushy,
465
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:16,240
too juvenile, too devious.
466
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,240
I can't disagree with that.
467
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,740
Okay, but on your part,
468
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,240
if you don't fall
for any of this stuff,
469
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:22,750
it's not fun.
470
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,250
What we'd like to do is see
if we can establish
471
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:29,750
a simple friendship,
no strings attached.
472
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:33,260
Why on God's green earth
would I believe that?
473
00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:36,260
Well, uh, you know what?
474
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,760
I cannot think
of a single reason
475
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,760
why you should believe us.
476
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,270
You know, that's the first time
you've said something
477
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:46,270
that almost sounded sincere.
478
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,770
We can do sincere.
479
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:50,770
Look, can--?
Can we just have dinner,
480
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:52,770
see if we can get to know
each other a little better?
481
00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:54,780
BRIAN:
If I'm not mistaken,
482
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:57,280
you might find that
we're actually not bad guys.
483
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,280
There are even people on this
island who like and respect us.
484
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,280
Oh, you again.
485
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:05,290
See?
486
00:20:05,290 --> 00:20:07,290
( mellow theme playing )
487
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,290
So you had to set
the plane down in the ocean?
488
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:12,800
Yup. Yeah,
it was pretty scary.
489
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:15,800
Oh, but I'm sure you had it
worse in the service, huh?
490
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,800
Well, there were a few times
when I took off
491
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,300
wondering if I'd ever
come back alive.
492
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,300
But you know
what that's like.
493
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,310
Lowell is your mechanic.
494
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,310
Lowell-- Lowell's great.
495
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:27,810
I mean, there's--
There's nothing
496
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,810
that he doesn't know
about an airplane engine.
497
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:30,810
It's true.
On the other hand,
498
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:33,820
you can make him run away
screaming if you do this.
499
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:35,320
( laughs )
500
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,820
We made her laugh, Joe.
Ah, see?
501
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,820
We're not total idiots,
you know.
502
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:40,320
I never said you were.
503
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,330
As a matter of fact, there are
things I like about both of you.
504
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:45,830
But I certainly couldn't
have said that before now.
505
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:47,830
I didn't want to encourage you.
506
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:50,330
Yeah, that's understood.
That's understood.
507
00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:52,840
What sort of things?
508
00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:54,340
You want me to tell you?
509
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,340
BOTH:
Yeah, why not? Go ahead.
510
00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:57,840
You actually expect me to--?
BOTH: Spit it out.
511
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,840
It's no big deal.
I can take it.
512
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,340
All right.
513
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:02,850
Joe's responsible, mature.
514
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,350
I like that in a guy.
515
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,850
And you're spontaneous,
a little crazy.
516
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:09,350
Uh-huh.
I like that too.
517
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:11,350
So I guess what you're saying
is that, uh,
518
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:13,860
we're the perfect guy
for you.
519
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:17,360
I never thought of it that way,
but maybe.
520
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,360
I-- I really think what
you're saying is that if--
521
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:20,860
If I was a little
more like Joe,
522
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:22,860
then I would have
a shot with you.
No, no, no.
523
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:24,870
What she is saying is that if
I were slightly more like you,
524
00:21:24,870 --> 00:21:26,870
then I would have a shot.
525
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,870
All right, I can see
where this is headed.
526
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,370
I think we'd just better
call it a night.
527
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:32,370
No, no, no, wait.
Come on, sit down.
528
00:21:32,370 --> 00:21:34,380
Come on, let's-- Let's order
some tequila shooters
529
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:35,380
to see where
the night takes us.
530
00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:36,880
You know,
get kind of crazy.
531
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,880
That is really irresponsible,
okay?
532
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,390
We gotta get some sleep.
Oh, relax!
533
00:21:43,390 --> 00:21:45,390
Well, it was fun
while it lasted.
534
00:21:45,390 --> 00:21:48,390
( speaking indistinctly )
Party.
535
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:49,390
You know what? Act your age.
536
00:21:49,390 --> 00:21:50,890
JOE:
You'll sleep
when you're dead.
537
00:21:50,890 --> 00:21:52,390
Let's go! Let's go!
538
00:21:54,900 --> 00:22:06,410
( upbeat piano theme playing )
38724
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