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1
00:00:02,590 --> 00:00:04,590
( upbeat theme playing )
2
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:09,590
So, Lowell, I haven't heard
you mention Melissa lately.
3
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:11,090
Are you two still dating?
4
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:13,100
Oh, yeah.
We're really hitting it off.
5
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,100
Gee, I'm kind of
surprised to hear that.
6
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:18,100
Why, considering how religious
Melissa's family is,
7
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,600
I would have thought there
might be some small objection
8
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,110
to your not being Jewish.
9
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:23,610
Oh, no problemo.
10
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:25,110
Her father said
we can continue dating
11
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:27,610
as long as I get a bris.
12
00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:31,610
You guys know
where I can pick one up?
13
00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:33,620
Let me guess.
14
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,620
You don't know what her father
was talkin' about, do you?
15
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,620
You don't even know
what a bris is.
16
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,120
It's a wheel of cheese,
isn't it?
17
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:44,630
Uh, didn't he explain
that it's a religious ritual?
18
00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:48,130
Lowell, it's a circumcision.
19
00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:50,630
Wait a minute.
20
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:53,640
Isn't that where they...?
21
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,140
Excuse me a minute,
I have to make a phone call.
22
00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:02,650
I mean, I really like Melissa,
but give me a break.
23
00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:05,650
( upbeat theme playing )
24
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:13,160
Hey, doll, how about
I buy you breakfast?
25
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,660
No, thanks.
26
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:17,160
And I'd rather
you didn't call me "doll."
27
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,660
Don't tell me you're one of
those liberal chicks.
28
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,670
Don't call me "chick" either.
29
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:25,670
Have it your way, babe.
30
00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:28,670
I can see I'm gonna have
to lay this out for you.
31
00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:32,180
Women are not "dolls"
or "chicks" or "babes."
32
00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:33,680
We work. We serve
in the military.
33
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,680
We can even vote.
34
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,180
So in the future, if you find it
necessary to speak to me,
35
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:41,690
it's Alex, or ma'am,
or Ms. Lambert.
36
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,690
Nothing else. Got it?
37
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:46,690
You're not wearing a bra,
are you?
38
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,700
Come on, come on.
It'll be great!
39
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,200
Brian, we can't just
pick up and leave.
40
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,700
Yeah, of course we can.
That's the point.
41
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,200
Be spontaneous.
Listen, listen.
42
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,200
Just gas up the plane,
lock the door and: Boom.
43
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,710
In two hours we're standing
ringside in Atlantic City
44
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:05,210
watching the fight
of the year, okay?
45
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:06,710
And-- And don't worry
about flights.
46
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,710
I've checked.
There's no reservations.
47
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,210
Ah, well,
maybe you're right.
48
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,220
You know, I never do stuff
on the spur of the moment.
49
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:14,720
I always over-analyze.
I always over-think.
50
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,720
Why do I do that? What is it
about me that makes me--?
51
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,220
Spare me, please.
52
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:22,230
Lowell, Lowell,
Lowell. Hey.
53
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:24,730
What do you say about dropping
everything this second
54
00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:26,230
and just goin' off
to Atlantic City?
55
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,230
That's a good idea.
56
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,730
I'll see you guys
on Monday.
57
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:38,740
Hey? Lowell can do it.
Come on, come on, why--?
58
00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:40,740
I-- I still have all this
paperwork I gotta do.
59
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,750
You're just trying
to find a reason not to go.
60
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,250
But I'm telling you,
there is no reason.
61
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,250
I'm gonna prove it to you.
62
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,250
Fay, Fay.
63
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,250
Can you think
of any reason
64
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,250
why someone would need to stay
here at Sandpiper
65
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:52,760
instead of goin' off
to Atlantic City
66
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,260
to watch a championship fight?
67
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,260
Oh, you two!
68
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,260
I'd love to go!
69
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:01,260
You know what
a boxing fan I am.
70
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:03,270
Heh, heh. That's great.
That's great. But, you see--
71
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,770
Is there a problem?
72
00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:06,770
No, no, no.
73
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,770
There's not a problem.
There's not a problem.
74
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:10,270
It's just we--
We want you to know
75
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:12,280
that there's gonna be
a little more than boxing
76
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,280
going on there, okay?
77
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,280
There's gonna
be gambling, drinking,
78
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,280
rude and reprehensible
behavior--
79
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,780
You don't have to convince me.
I already said yes.
80
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:23,290
I'll just run downtown
and cash in a CD,
81
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,790
and I'll be ready to go.
82
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:27,790
How did that happen?
83
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,790
You're asking me?
All right, forget it.
84
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:31,290
We'll take care of Fay.
85
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:32,800
We'll just drop her off at a
nickel slot machine
86
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,300
and pick her up
on the way back home.
87
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,800
All right, what the hell.
Let's go.
88
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,300
Let's grab something to eat for
the plane, and get outta here.
89
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,300
Hey, Antonio.
90
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,800
Wanna come with us
to Atlantic City?
91
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,310
Ah. I would love to, but tonight
I go to traffic school.
92
00:03:44,310 --> 00:03:45,810
I thought
you went last month.
93
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,310
I did.
94
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,310
But I've got kind of
a crush on the teacher.
95
00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:51,820
I'm hoping that tonight
she'll sit next to me
96
00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:54,820
when they show
Pavement, Bloody Pavement.
97
00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:56,820
Looks like
it's just the four of us.
98
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,820
Hey, how you doing, Alex?
Fine.
99
00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:00,820
JOE:
Helen, how about
whippin' us up some BLT's?
100
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:02,330
Sure. What's the occasion?
101
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,330
Ah, we're going to Atlantic City
for the weekend.
102
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:07,330
Boozing, gambling
and a perfect opportunity for me
103
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,330
to use my new business cards.
104
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:13,840
"Beau LaFontaine, talent
coordinator for Star Search"?
105
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:14,840
Yes.
106
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,840
Don't worry, Joe,
I thought of you too.
107
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,840
You are "Dr. Aaron Ginsberg,
ear, nose and throat."
108
00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:23,850
Wait, Brian, we had plans
for this weekend.
109
00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:25,850
Martha Stintson's party,
remember?
110
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:27,350
Was that this weekend?
111
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,350
Oh, you knew. You've been trying
to weasel out of it all month.
112
00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:31,350
Helen, come on--
113
00:04:31,350 --> 00:04:32,860
If you don't go,
I'll have no one
114
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:34,360
to talk to but Martha
and her miserable husband
115
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,860
and those whiny kids.
116
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:36,860
Why do you wanna go?
117
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,360
Oh, she's one of
my dearest friends.
118
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,870
Well, you know what? I don't
have any plans this weekend.
119
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,370
I'll go with you
if you want me to.
120
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:44,870
You're kidding. Really?
121
00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:46,870
Why not?
Might be a few laughs.
122
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,370
Oh, yeah, right.
Around about 8:00
123
00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:50,870
you'll wanna slit your wrists
with a Triscuit.
124
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,380
You know, I was out there
sitting in the plane
125
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,380
and a thought
occurred to me, Joe.
126
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,880
What? That you couldn't
go anyplace
127
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,880
unless one of us flew it?
128
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,380
( laughing )
129
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:03,390
Okay. That's two thoughts.
130
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:05,890
No, well, listen, I mean,
131
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,390
as long as I'm goin'
to Atlantic City,
132
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,390
why don't you guys
come with me?
133
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:11,900
I mean, maybe we could get
some tickets to a boxing match,
134
00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:14,400
hotel room,
do a little gambling?
135
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,900
Even better.
Why don't we ask Fay
136
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,400
to come with us
for the weekend?
137
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,900
Whoa! Pinch me!
138
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,400
( upbeat theme playing )
139
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:26,410
( door unlocking )
140
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:29,410
Okay, Alex,
hurry up before it gets cold.
141
00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:30,910
Hope this is good.
142
00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:32,420
Oh, what difference
does it make?
143
00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:34,420
It can't be any worse
than the food at that party.
144
00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:36,420
Think anybody saw us
sneakin' out?
145
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:39,420
Only all the other people
sneaking out.
146
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,930
You know, because of you,
I'll probably never get invited
147
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,930
back to their house again.
148
00:05:43,930 --> 00:05:46,430
How can I ever thank you?
149
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,930
Open up a bottle of wine,
and we'll call it even.
150
00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:50,930
You got it.
151
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:51,940
Mm.
152
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:55,440
This is a really nice place,
Helen.
153
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,440
Thank you.
154
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,940
Is this you on the sled?
155
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:00,940
Uh-huh.
( cork pops )
156
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:04,950
No offense, but you
were kinda porky as a kid.
157
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,950
Who's this behind you?
158
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,950
Hm. Also me.
159
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:12,960
Your parents
live on the island?
160
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,460
No, they moved back to Texas
161
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:16,460
to be closer to my sister.
162
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,460
The married one.
163
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,460
That's what they call us:
164
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:22,470
"Poor Helen"
and "the married one."
165
00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:23,970
Well, according to my parents,
166
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:26,970
my name is "You're not getting
any younger, Alex."
167
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,970
Why is it they think
we need a man to make us happy?
168
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,470
Who knows?
169
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:33,480
I'd rather be alone than be
with that loser we met tonight.
170
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,480
Oh, what was that on his head?
171
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,980
A toupee or a piece of sod?
172
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,480
I want that guy's mirror.
173
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,990
You know, the one that
talks back to him and says,
174
00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:43,990
"Hey, lookin' good."
175
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:46,990
( laughing )
176
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,490
I know.
177
00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:50,490
Men are so weird.
178
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:53,000
Like that thing they do
when they watch a ball game--
179
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,500
Wait. I-I know
what you're gonna say.
180
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,500
They always call you in
from the other room
181
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,500
to watch an instant replay.
182
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,500
Give me a break.
If I wanted to see it,
183
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,500
I would have been in there
in the first place.
184
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,010
I know, but that's not
what I'm talkin' about.
185
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:05,010
It's this thing:
186
00:07:11,510 --> 00:07:14,020
They all do that.
What is that?
187
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:17,020
Maybe they know something
we don't.
188
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,020
( knocking on door )
189
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,020
ANTONIO:
Helen, it's Antonio.
190
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:24,030
Oh, come in.
191
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,530
Oh, hi.
192
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,530
There a ball game on?
193
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,030
What are you doin' here?
194
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:34,040
Oh, well, uh-- I was just--
195
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,040
I was on my way home.
I saw your lights were on--
196
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,540
Oh, hi, Alex.
197
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,540
Hi, Antonio.
198
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:40,540
So I-- I just wanted
to return this.
199
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,050
Mm. My Cindy Crawford
workout tape.
200
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,050
Yeah.
How was the workout?
201
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,050
Oh, it was very good.
202
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:48,050
The-- The ab crunches.
The thigh flexes.
203
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:51,050
Cindy got better
in every scene.
204
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,560
Listen, as long as you're here,
how about a glass of wine?
205
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,060
Oh, just the three of us?
Uh...
206
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:03,070
No, no, no, no, no.
207
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:06,070
I just, uh-- I just came by
to return the tape.
208
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:07,570
Oh, come on.
209
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,570
Why don't you stick around?
Nah! No.
210
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:13,080
I don't want to intrude.
211
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,580
If you have something
else to do--
212
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,080
Okay, maybe just one.
213
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,080
( upbeat theme playing )
214
00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:22,080
( upbeat theme playing )
215
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,090
Oh, my God!
216
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:26,590
What? What's wrong?
217
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,590
I just finished
this entire carton.
218
00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:31,090
It serves six.
219
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:34,100
Yeah, but a serving's,
like, two ounces.
220
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:36,100
I mean, there's that much
stuck to the lid.
221
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,600
Oh, right. The lid.
222
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,110
ANTONIO:
Helen? Helen,
where is the corkscrew?
223
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:45,110
Oh, it's in the drawer
under the microwave.
224
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:48,110
You know,
I really like Antonio.
225
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,110
Yeah.
How often do you meet a man
226
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,110
that can blend
right into a girls' night?
227
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:55,120
I know. Most guys would just
act macho, and try to take over.
228
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,120
It really ends up
making 'em look ridiculous.
229
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,120
Red or white?
230
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:06,130
What goes best
with marble-fudge ice cream?
231
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,130
Uh, rosé, I think.
232
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:13,140
Okay, Antonio, it's time
to take that stuff off.
233
00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:14,640
Okay, you're the boss.
234
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,640
So, what do you think
of your first facial mask?
235
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,640
Ah, well, I had no idea
what to expect,
236
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,150
but I like it.
237
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:23,650
My face feels tingly,
238
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:27,650
but at the same time,
quite relaxed.
239
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,650
You know, most guys
wouldn't let us do this to 'em.
240
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:31,650
They would think
it's too feminine or something.
241
00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:33,660
Ah, well,
that never bothers me.
242
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,660
Any doubts
about my masculinity
243
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:38,160
were confronted
at a very early age.
244
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,160
ALEX:
Oh-oh.
245
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,160
Here comes one of those
manly Italian stories
246
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,170
about how his dad got him
a woman when he was 15.
247
00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:45,670
Fourteen,
but that's another story.
248
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,170
No, I was thinking--
249
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:51,170
I was thinking of the time
I-I was a young boy.
250
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,180
Uh, my sister
was getting married
251
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:55,180
and, uh, well, I guess
252
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:58,680
I was jealous of all the
attention she was receiving.
253
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,180
( sighs )
254
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:01,180
So one day,
255
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:05,190
I noticed her wedding dress
hanging in the closet.
256
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:10,690
And, uh, well, I suppose
I wanted to feel special too.
257
00:10:10,690 --> 00:10:11,690
Uh-oh.
258
00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:13,700
You didn't put it on,
did you?
259
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,700
Well...
260
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,200
...not the veil.
261
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,700
Unbelievable.
262
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:22,710
Well, so there--
263
00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:23,710
There I was,
264
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,710
admiring myself in the mirror,
265
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:27,210
and glanced out the window
266
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:31,210
and I saw my entire soccer team
looking at me, laughing.
267
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,220
For years after, they taunted me
268
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:38,720
with the cruel nickname
"ragazzo con veste."
269
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,720
Well, what does that mean?
"The boy in the dress."
270
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,730
Boy, Antonio, if I were you,
I would still be embarrassed.
271
00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:46,730
( chuckles )
272
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:47,730
That's nothing.
273
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,730
I mean,
at least you were a kid.
274
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:51,730
There was this one time
when I was in college that I--
275
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,240
Never mind.
276
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,240
What did you do?
277
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,740
Doesn't matter.
It was a long time ago.
278
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,250
Well,
then let's hear it.
279
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,250
I mean, it's not gonna leave
this room, is it, Antonio?
280
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:08,750
You think "the boy in the dress"
is going to go blabbing?
281
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:10,750
Promise?
282
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,260
Oh, please.
283
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:14,760
All right.
284
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,760
It was my sophomore year.
285
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,760
Playboy came through to do
one of their pictorials.
286
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,270
You know, "Girls of the
Southeast Conference"?
287
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:24,270
Anyway, a couple of girlfriends
of mine wanted to go down,
288
00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:27,270
so I thought, "What the hell,
I'll go with 'em."
289
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,270
You posed naked?
290
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:30,270
Well, it was--
291
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:32,780
Please, a moment.
292
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,280
Antonio,
drinking the wine so fast,
293
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,280
doesn't it give you
a headache?
294
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,280
Yes, it does. Go ahead.
295
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:46,290
Well, I figured it was going
to be a tasteful little picture
296
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:49,290
in the library, you know,
wearing shorts and a tank top.
297
00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:51,790
Well, I guess
I kinda got caught up
298
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:54,300
in the spirit of things,
and next thing I knew,
299
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:57,300
my Dad's poker buddies were
showing him a picture of me
300
00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:00,800
rolling around on the beach
wearing nothing but a suntan.
301
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,310
( Helen gasps )
302
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,810
How do you ever get over
somethin' like that?
303
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:07,810
If I ever do,
I'll let you know.
304
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,810
( upbeat theme playing )
305
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,820
Well,
that's the last time
306
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,820
I'm going to Atlantic City
with you guys.
307
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:23,330
Give us a break, Fay.
We had to sleep sometime.
308
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:26,830
Why? You'll have plenty of time
to sleep when you're dead.
309
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,830
What happened?
310
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:30,330
The woman was unbelievable.
311
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:31,330
Okay?
312
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:32,840
Running from table to table,
313
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,340
show to show, okay?
314
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:37,840
Finally found her standing,
6 a.m., by a craps table,
315
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,340
blowing on some Japanese guy's
dice for luck.
316
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,850
Well, all I know is I had fun.
317
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,350
I won $42,
I learned to play baccarat,
318
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:49,850
and I have a place to stay
in Osaka whenever I want.
319
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:55,360
Listen, Joe, thanks again for
inviting me to Atlantic City.
320
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,360
Hey, my pleasure, pal.
321
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,360
How'd you do, Lowell?
322
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,860
Well, they cleaned me out.
323
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,870
The important thing is,
being the gambler that I am,
324
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,870
I only took as much
as I could afford to lose.
325
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:08,870
Mm. How much was that?
Eleven thousand dollars.
326
00:13:12,370 --> 00:13:14,880
Oh, Antonio,
here's your sweater.
327
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,880
I wore it home
the other night by mistake.
328
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,380
Ah-ha-ha. Thank you, Alex.
329
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,380
Thank you.
I had a lot of fun.
330
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,880
Uh, it's probably
not my business,
331
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,390
but how'd you wind up
in his sweater?
332
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:27,890
You know how things happen.
333
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,390
You have a few drinks,
tell a few stories.
334
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:33,900
Next thing you know, your
clothes are all over the floor.
335
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,400
Well, see ya.
336
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,400
ANTONIO:
Bye.
337
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,400
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa,
338
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,400
wait a minute, okay?
339
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:45,410
You were with Alex?
340
00:13:45,410 --> 00:13:46,910
No, no, no, no.
341
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,910
I was with Alex and Helen.
342
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:51,410
Even better.
343
00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:53,920
Okay, okay, tell us what
happened, exactly what was said.
344
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,420
Oh, well, Helen was--
345
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:57,420
Helen, we know about.
346
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,420
Well,
I was talking about--
347
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:01,420
You, we don't care about.
348
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:02,930
What'd you find out about Alex?
349
00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:06,430
Well...nothing.
350
00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:07,930
You hear that?
A pause.
Pause.
351
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:08,930
Definitely a pause
right there.
352
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:11,430
No, no, uh,
I don't know anything.
353
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,940
And what I don't know
I can't tell you.
354
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,440
All right, we've established
you know something.
355
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,450
No, I don't.
Oh, come on.
356
00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:25,450
It's written all over your face.
357
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,450
By the way, your--
Your pores look great.
358
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,450
Wh-What did you use,
a cleansing lotion?
359
00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:31,450
A moisturizing mask.
360
00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:32,960
BRIAN:
Avocado or mint base?
361
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:33,960
Uh, mint base.
362
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,460
Excuse me, excuse me,
excuse me, excuse me.
363
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,460
I believe we're here
to talk about Alex.
364
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,960
Well, I'm afraid
you're wasting your time.
365
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,470
Come on, I'm in
a lousy mood right now.
366
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:43,970
I lost 500 bucks
in Atlantic City,
367
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,970
and I had to share a room
with Lowell.
368
00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:48,470
Look-- Look, just so this
weekend isn't a total bust,
369
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,970
come on, tell us what you know.
370
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,970
I can't. I won't.
371
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:54,980
There is no way you're
ever getting this out of me.
372
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:58,480
( upbeat theme playing )
373
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,480
Okay,
this is the last of 'em.
374
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,990
Every Playboy
from '85 to '89.
375
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:06,990
And, listen, we have to have
these back in Roy's office
376
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,990
before he gets back from lunch.
377
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,990
All right, now, remember,
we're looking for
378
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:12,500
"Girls of the
Southeast Conference."
379
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:14,500
No stopping
for centerfolds.
380
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:18,500
Not stopping. Just rolling
through the intersection.
381
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,000
Whoa,
look at these Winnebagos!
382
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,010
What? What?
Let's see. Let's see.
383
00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:24,510
Now, in this picture
you can actually see
384
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:27,010
the chemical toilet
and full kitchenette.
385
00:15:29,010 --> 00:15:30,510
You realize
if we find this picture,
386
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:32,510
our relationship with Alex
is gonna change forever.
387
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:33,520
Yeah, I know what you mean.
388
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,020
Once you see somebody naked,
389
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,520
you never look at them
the same again.
390
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:41,020
I saw my grandfather naked once.
391
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:43,530
Right after that
I had the uncontrollable urge
392
00:15:43,530 --> 00:15:46,530
to iron everything in sight.
393
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,530
Your attention, please.
394
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:56,040
Gentlemen. April, 1986:
395
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,540
"The Girls of the Southeast
Conference."
396
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,040
( smacks lips )
397
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,050
( upbeat theme playing )
398
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,550
( upbeat theme playing )
399
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,060
Hey, Fay. How you like
my new earrings?
400
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,060
Got 'em down
at Marsha's Boutique.
401
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,060
Uh, well, you know,
402
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:20,560
they look kind of like
nuts and bolts
403
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,560
hanging from little wires.
404
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,570
No, Fay, these are made
in New York by this new artist.
405
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:27,070
They're the latest thing.
406
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,570
Marsha says
she's selling 'em so fast
407
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,570
she can't even
keep 'em in stock.
408
00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:32,070
Oh, I'm glad to hear that,
409
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,580
because I understand
her husband's hardware store
410
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,580
isn't doing at all well.
411
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,580
I really thought
it was gonna be weird
412
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:42,580
seeing a naked picture of Alex.
413
00:16:42,580 --> 00:16:44,590
Why should it?
We're adults.
414
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:46,090
We've seen a lot of
naked women in our day.
415
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:48,590
More than a lot.
It doesn't faze us one bit.
416
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:49,590
Hi, guys.
417
00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:52,590
Hi.
How you doing?
418
00:16:52,590 --> 00:16:54,600
Hey, Helen,
419
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,600
I just checked out
that new burger joint downtown.
420
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,100
Good news.
421
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,100
You're no longer the worst
restaurant on the island.
422
00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:04,110
Where is it?
423
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:06,110
Where's what?
424
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:08,610
My April, '86 Playboy.
It's missing.
425
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,610
Roy, you were only in there
for two seconds.
426
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:13,120
How could you know that?
427
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,120
The same way a mother knows
when her child is sick.
428
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,620
You just know.
429
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,620
Did you say April, '86?
430
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,620
Afternoon, everybody.
431
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:24,630
You just couldn't keep
your mouth shut, could you?
432
00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:26,630
What?
I kept your secret.
433
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,630
I didn't tell anyone about you
prancing around
434
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,130
in your sister's
wedding dress.
435
00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:33,140
Thanks a lot.
436
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:36,140
I-- I did not tell anyone
about the picture.
437
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:37,640
How could you do that,
Antonio?
438
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,640
Yeah, if you knew,
why didn't you say anything?
439
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,140
Brian,
quit covering for him.
440
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:42,650
No, I'm not covering for him.
441
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,650
We heard it from...Phil
down at the gas station.
442
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:46,150
Oh, Phil? How's he know?
443
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,150
He heard it from his wife.
444
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,650
Oh,
and how does she know?
445
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,650
Well, apparently she heard at
work, down at Marsha's Boutique.
446
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,160
M-Marsha's Boutique?
447
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,160
Oh. Well.
448
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,160
What's the difference
who told who?
449
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,660
The point is...
450
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,670
Is, I better
go see if Alex is okay.
451
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,170
Wedding dress?
452
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,180
( chuckling )
453
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:16,180
Well, not the veil.
454
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,690
Hey, Alex, are you okay?
455
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:26,690
I just can't believe
he told them.
456
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:29,690
Well, you know, it's possible
457
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,690
that it's not Antonio's fault.
458
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:34,200
Oh, come on, he was
the only one who knew.
459
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,700
Funny thing about that--
Heh-heh.
460
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,700
--is that he wasn't.
461
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,200
I didn't do it on purpose.
I only told one person.
462
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,710
Someone who doesn't even know
you. She doesn't know anybody.
463
00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:46,710
I don't know how
it got back to you.
464
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:49,210
On an island the size
of a postage stamp?
465
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,710
You sneeze and the guy on
the radio says, "God bless you."
466
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:54,220
Damn it, Helen!
467
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,720
Uh,
am I interrupting something?
468
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,720
Because if I am,
I can come back later.
469
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,720
Not much later, but I can.
470
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,220
I would appreciate it, Fay.
471
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:03,730
I-I'll be right outside.
472
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:06,730
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to do it.
473
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,230
I was just
buying some earrings,
474
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,230
and I think I just
mentioned it in passing.
475
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:12,740
Like, "I'll take the gold hoops
and speaking of naked women,
476
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:15,740
did you hear that Alex Lambert
posed in Playboy?"
477
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:17,240
I'm really sorry.
I made a mistake.
478
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,240
So did I.
I trusted you.
479
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,240
Damn it! Every time
this thing gets out,
480
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,250
it makes my life miserable
481
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:24,750
Not with these guys.
They'll forget about it.
482
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,750
Oh, yeah. They're probably
down there right now,
483
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,250
drooling over that picture.
484
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:31,250
Gee, Alex, "drooling"?
485
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:34,760
They probably have it
tacked up out in the hangar.
486
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:38,760
Well, don't we have
a high opinion of ourselves?
487
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,760
Just what's that
supposed to--?
488
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,760
Oh, wait a minute.
489
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,770
I know what's going on here.
490
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:46,270
You're jealous.
491
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,270
Of what?
492
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,270
Do I have to say it?
493
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:53,780
If you want me to understand
what it is you're speaking of.
494
00:19:53,780 --> 00:19:55,780
Fine. You're jealous
of all the attention
495
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:56,780
I get around here.
496
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:57,780
Oh, please!
Let's face it:
497
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,280
From the day I got here,
498
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,280
Joe and Brian have been
following me around
499
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,790
like lovesick little boys,
and you hate it.
500
00:20:05,290 --> 00:20:08,290
Look, I came in here
to apologize, and I did.
501
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,290
Now I'm outta here.
502
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:12,790
Finally!
503
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:15,300
You think I told your secret
'cause I'm jealous?
504
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:18,300
Oh,
for crying out loud!
505
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,800
Yeah, I do.
I think you're jealous of me.
506
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,800
I think you're jealous
of the life I've led.
507
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,310
Well, sister,
I have news for you.
508
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:27,810
I have led
a very exciting life myself.
509
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:30,810
When I lived in New York,
I worked in a strip joint.
510
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,320
You were a stripper?
511
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,320
A waitress,
but there was stripping going on
512
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,320
in the building.
513
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,320
Granted, I haven't flown
a helicopter in Desert Storm,
514
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,830
or I haven't lived
halfway around the world,
515
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:48,830
or I haven't dated
all kinds of interesting men,
516
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:49,830
but let me tell you somethin'--
517
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:52,330
Oh, my God. I am jealous.
518
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:55,840
( tsks )
519
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,840
Which means...
520
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,340
...I could have told
your secret outta jealousy.
521
00:21:00,340 --> 00:21:02,850
Which means, I probably did,
which means--
522
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,350
Oh, for goodness sake.
523
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,350
You were jealous,
and you tried to get back at her
524
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:07,350
by spreading all that gossip.
525
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,850
And you?
Shame on you
526
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,850
for even posing for those
pictures in the first place.
527
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:12,850
Now both of you say "I'm sorry,"
and be done with it.
528
00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:13,860
Hurry up.
529
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:15,360
Hurry up.
530
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,860
I'm sorry.
531
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:20,860
Why do I have to apologize?
532
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:22,860
Because that's what friends do.
533
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:26,870
All right. I'm sorry.
534
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,370
I guess I shouldn't--
Uh, that's enough.
535
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,370
You have anything else
to say, take it outside.
536
00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:38,880
Boy, where'd she learn how
to handle people like that?
537
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,380
She'd kill me if she knew
I was tellin' you this,
538
00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:43,890
but before Fay
was a stewardess, she...
539
00:21:43,890 --> 00:21:45,890
( upbeat theme playing )
540
00:21:49,390 --> 00:22:00,900
( mellow theme playing )
39531
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