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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:05,590
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:10,590
Damn thing.
3
00:00:10,590 --> 00:00:12,600
Hey, Ace, you got the time?
4
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,100
Yeah, sure, it's, uh, 12:15.
5
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:18,100
I've got a tour.
I'm gonna be late.
6
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,110
What were you looking at?
7
00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:30,110
Just had an eyelash that fell--
Aurora borealis.
8
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:33,120
Do you think I find
that kind of thing charming?
9
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,120
Do you think it gives me a rush?
10
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,120
Do you think
it makes me want you?
11
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,120
Is there a right answer?
12
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:43,130
Let me tell you both something.
13
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,630
I find it crude and infantile,
so knock it off!
14
00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:47,130
Knock it off
right now!
15
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,630
Do I make myself clear?
16
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:49,630
Yes, you do.
17
00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:51,130
You're absolutely right.
18
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:52,140
This is the '90s.
19
00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:53,140
It is.
20
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,640
We were way outta line.
21
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,640
I'm sorry.
It'll never happen again.
22
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:07,150
( upbeat theme playing )
23
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,660
Here you go, two eggs over easy,
side of bacon, rye toast.
24
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:17,160
Can I get you anything else?
25
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:21,660
That man.
26
00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:26,170
Honey, if it were that easy,
I'd get one for myself.
27
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,670
No, no, no, no,
you don't understand.
28
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,170
That man...
29
00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:30,170
behind me.
30
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:31,680
Don't look.
31
00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:33,680
Don't, don't, don't!
32
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,680
We can't talk here.
33
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,680
Quickly,
everyone in Joe's office.
34
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,180
Right now!
35
00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:45,190
You noticed
he's a lot pushier
36
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:46,190
now that he's got
his green card?
37
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:47,190
Hm.
38
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,700
Come on. Don't you people
ever knock?
39
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:01,700
Joey, Joey, are you playing
with your hair again?
40
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,710
Don't forget what they told you
at the Hair Club.
41
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:06,210
You comb against the grain,
you void the warranty.
42
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,710
What're all you people
doing in here?
43
00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:12,220
Remember yesterday
I told you
44
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:15,720
I witnessed a man robbing
Hanley's Jewelry Store in town?
45
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,720
That's all you talked
about all day.
46
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,720
Oh, forgive me.
I thought we could use a break
47
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,730
from your "All the good men are
either married or gay" speech.
48
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:27,730
Antonio, the robber.
49
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:28,730
Yes.
50
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:31,730
That-- That man out there
in the leather jacket,
51
00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:32,740
( whispers ):
that's him.
52
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:33,740
What?
That's the guy?
53
00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:35,240
JOE:
Are you kidding me?
54
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,240
FAY:
Oh!
55
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,740
No, I just sold him
a ticket to Boston.
56
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:40,740
Does that make me
an accomplice?
57
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,250
Are you absolutely sure
that's the guy?
58
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:44,250
How was I supposed to know?
59
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:46,750
I'm-- I'm positive.
I-I saw him from my cab
60
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:47,750
when he ran
from the store.
61
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,750
I saw his gun.
62
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,750
I saw his face
when he pull off his mask.
63
00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:53,260
I'm too old to go to prison.
64
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:54,760
All right,
I'm gonna call thepolice.
65
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,260
Oh, thanks.
66
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,760
I never figured you
to rat me out
67
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,260
For the robber, Fay.
68
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,770
You know, I knew there was
something weird about that guy.
69
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:05,770
He was lookin' at me in this
really creepy sort of way.
70
00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:08,270
Right. Kinda like the way
people look at you
71
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:12,280
when you have that crusty stuff
in the corner of your eye?
72
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,280
No, not exactly, Lo--
73
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:20,780
Why, do I have crusty stuff
in the corner of my eye?
74
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:25,290
Okay, okay.
Thanks, officer.
75
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:27,290
Yeah, thanks.
76
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,290
What'd he say? What'd he say?
Calm down. They're gonna be here
77
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,800
as soon as they can. He said
we should try to keep him here.
78
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:33,300
Fay's already announced
the flight.
79
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,300
Oh, that's okay.
I'll just announce a delay.
80
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,300
All right, but, Fay,
don't say anything suspicious.
81
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,800
Just say that--
82
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,300
Ah, ah-ah, I know my job.
83
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,310
I think I can handle this.
84
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:48,310
Uh-- Uh, your attention, please.
85
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:50,810
Sandpiper Air regrets
to announce a slight delay
86
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:52,820
in the boarding
of its Flight 19 to Boston
87
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:55,320
due to a hole in the wing.
88
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,820
Psst!
89
00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:01,820
For God's sake,
hole in the wing?
90
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:06,330
It's only a small hole.
91
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:11,330
Wow, did you know
about that, Joe?
92
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:13,840
There's not a hole
in the plane, Lowell.
93
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,340
I know that.
94
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:18,840
But who knew Fay was
such a master of improvisation?
95
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:22,350
Now the guy is going over
to Roy's counter.
96
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:24,350
Damn, he's got a New York flight
leaving any minute.
97
00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,850
I'll call Roy and tell him
what's going on.
98
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,350
Oh, hey, Fay,
that was really great going.
99
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,860
Why didn't you just tell him
that the plane had been, uh,
100
00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:33,360
invaded by aliens
from Jupiter?
101
00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:36,860
I wouldn't want
to scare Lowell.
102
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,870
Okay, okay, what the hell
is so important here?
103
00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:45,370
Roy,
that guy at your counter
104
00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:48,370
is the same man Antonio saw
rob the jewelry store.
105
00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:49,870
The guy with the gun?
JOE: Yeah, that's right.
106
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:51,870
Now, listen, you have to go
back out there
107
00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:53,380
and announce a delay
in your flight
108
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,380
until the police get here.
109
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:55,880
Are you crazy?
110
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,380
No way am I gonna get between
an armed felon and his freedom.
111
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:00,880
You might as well draw
a bull's-eye on my chest.
112
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:01,880
Uh-uh.
113
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,390
Roy, Roy,
now take it easy.
114
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:04,890
I understand
how frightened you must be.
115
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:07,390
Now get out there
and make that announcement
116
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,390
or I'm gonna rip this
off your face.
117
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:11,900
All right, now, listen,
I'm gonna go out front
118
00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:13,900
and wait for the police.
Now just follow me out there
119
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,400
and try to act normal.
Right.
120
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,400
( helicopter whirring )
121
00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:24,410
Uh...
122
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:26,910
I'll stay here.
123
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,910
Just think of it
124
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:31,410
as my own personal
Witness Protection Program.
125
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,920
( crowd chattering )
126
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,420
( coughs )
127
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,920
( clears throat )
128
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,920
( in high-pitched voice )
Your attention, please.
129
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,430
Aeromass Flight 23
to New York will--
130
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:47,430
( mumbles ):
Aero...
131
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,440
ROY ( over PA ):
Aeromass Flight 23 to New York
132
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,940
will be just
a little delayed. Okay?
133
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:57,940
Great.
134
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:00,440
Hey.
135
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,450
How do I get
to the ferry?
136
00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:03,450
Uh, yeah.
Well, uh...
137
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:04,950
Y-you take a right
Take your first left
138
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,450
out of the airport.
out of the airport.
139
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,950
Two miles to the roundabout...
...where the covered bridge...
140
00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:11,450
( both speaking indistinctly )
141
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:13,460
Go due west.
Uh, due east.
142
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,460
All right, forget about it!
143
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,460
I'll find it myself.
144
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:19,460
Uh, listen,
you know what?
145
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:21,460
Um, the ferry already left
146
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,470
and the next one doesn't come
for a couple hours
147
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,470
so, really, you're better off
just hangin' here
148
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:27,470
and waitin' for your flight.
I'll tell you what.
149
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:30,970
Why don't you come sit down
right here and relax.
150
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:32,980
You know, anybody whose flight
is delayed
151
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:36,980
gets a nice fresh piece
of homemade pie on the house.
152
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,480
Hey! Who the hell
was talking to you?
153
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:40,480
Get back over there
and sit down!
154
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,490
That's the guy right there.
155
00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:45,990
All right, now.
156
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,490
You in the leather jacket,
157
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,990
put your hands
where I can see 'em.
158
00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:49,990
What's the problem?
159
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,500
Move away from the pie.
160
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,500
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
161
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:02,510
Wow!
162
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:05,010
Well, as arrests go,
that was rather disappointing.
163
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:07,510
Uh, not like my arrest.
164
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,510
Well-- W-w-wait, you--
You've been arrested?
165
00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:11,010
I'm not proud of it.
166
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:15,020
It was during an anti-war rally
in San Francisco in 1966.
167
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:17,020
But you never said you were
a protestor.
168
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,020
No, I wasn't.
I was a shopper.
169
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,520
I bumped into Abbie Hoffman
coming out of Gump's.
170
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,530
He called me a fascist pig,
and I decked him.
171
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:27,530
Took me a week
to get the smell of marijuana
172
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,530
off my knuckles.
173
00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,530
( upbeat theme playing )
174
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:37,540
( upbeat piano theme playing )
175
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,550
You know,
I can't believe that detective
176
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:43,550
is still grilling Antonio.
177
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:45,050
I swear
178
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:46,550
I've seen this guy
someplace before.
179
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,550
Yeah, you know,
he does look familiar.
180
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:51,550
Lowell, Lowell, you know
that guy sitting over there?
181
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,060
Tsk, let's see...
182
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,060
That would be...
183
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,560
Antonio.
184
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,060
I got it!
185
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,060
All right,
in high school--
Yeah.
186
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,070
--who did we shove
into the girls' locker room
187
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:04,570
wearing nothing
but a bathing cap?
188
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:06,570
Oh, Howard Crawley?
189
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:09,070
Howard "Where's your hall pass"
Crawley is a cop now?
190
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:10,070
Oh, my God
191
00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:12,070
Apparently
the Nantucket Police Department
192
00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:13,580
needed someone
to run their projector.
193
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,080
I don't believe this.
194
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,580
So then I'll see you
at the arraignment
195
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:17,580
in the morning.
196
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,580
Yes, sir, I'll be there.
197
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:21,080
Okay,
thanks for your help.
198
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,590
Joe. Brian.
199
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:23,590
Hey.
200
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,590
Howard,
how ya doing?
201
00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:25,590
You know
each other?
202
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,090
Oh, yeah, yeah.
203
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,590
Oh, last time I saw you two
you were tossing me naked
204
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:31,590
into the girls' locker room.
205
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,600
About that, you know, we were--
We were jerks.
206
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,600
Oh, hey, hey, relax.
207
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,600
I mean, high school was
a long time ago.
208
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,600
( chuckles ):
Yeah.
209
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,600
( chuckles )
210
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,600
Oh, it's odd how things
work out, though.
211
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,610
I mean, when you had
the upper hand, didn't count.
212
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:48,110
Now all these years later
I could drag you guys in,
213
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,110
have you strip-searched,
throw you in the drunk tank,
214
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,110
write it off to...
routine questioning.
215
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:53,120
( laughs )
216
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,620
See you at the reunion.
217
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,620
I liked him better
with tape on his glasses
218
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,120
and his head in a toilet.
219
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:04,630
Arraignment?
220
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:06,630
You are not going
to an arraignment, are ya?
221
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:07,630
Well, uh, yes.
222
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,130
I must testify.
223
00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:10,630
I-I-I'm the only one
who saw him.
224
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:13,640
Are you nuts? If you testify,
you are a sap!
225
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,140
You put that man in prison,
226
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:17,140
he is gonna do nothing
but lift weights
227
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,640
and think about
how to get even.
228
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:22,150
I'm tellin' ya,
don't get involved.
229
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:24,150
Antonio,
do not let him scare you.
230
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:25,650
You're doing the right thing.
231
00:09:25,650 --> 00:09:26,650
You think so?
Yes.
232
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,150
Absolutely.
This guy can't hurt you.
233
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,150
Ah, you're right.
I mean, this is not Sicily
234
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:33,660
where you mind your own business
and keep your mouth shut.
235
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,160
This is America where--
236
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,160
Where you are expected to do
your civic duty.
237
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:42,670
Why didn't I go to Australia...
238
00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:45,170
where they don't care
what the hell you do?
239
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,670
( mellow theme playing )
240
00:09:52,170 --> 00:09:54,180
You sure you're gonna be okay
with everything, Lowell?
241
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:55,680
Oh, yeah.
242
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:56,680
Don't you worry about a thing.
243
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,680
You just go off
and have a wonderful time.
244
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,180
Where you going, anyway?
245
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:03,190
Uh, I'd really rather not say.
246
00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:04,690
Oh, come on.
247
00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:08,190
Well, if you must know,
I'm going to see my ob-gyn.
248
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,190
Fine. Be that way.
249
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:12,700
I'm having dinner
with my M-O-M-M-Y.
250
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,700
May I help you, sir?
251
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,700
Oh, Lord, just give me
a glass of water.
252
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,710
Would you like a sandwich
with that?
253
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:24,710
No.
254
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:26,710
How about a nice bowl
of soup?
255
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:27,710
No!
Fries?
256
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:31,210
Just water!
I wanna take my thyroid pills.
257
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:33,220
On an empty stomach, Roy?
258
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:34,720
Oh, all right.
259
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,220
Give me
a grilled cheese sandwich.
260
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,720
Something to drink
with that?
261
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,220
( sighs )
262
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:47,230
JOE:
Hey, hey, Antonio,
how'd it go in court today?
263
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:49,230
They let the robber go.
264
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:50,230
JOE:
What?
265
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:51,230
What?
You're kiddin' me!
266
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:54,740
Something about evidence
being taken illegally.
267
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:56,240
I did my part.
268
00:10:56,240 --> 00:11:00,240
I stood up, I pointed at him,
and they let him go!
269
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,240
And all the while
270
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,750
this Frederick Watts--
271
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,250
That's the robber's name.
272
00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:09,250
He just kept staring at me
with his cold, dead eyes.
273
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:11,250
Relax, relax,
you got nothing to worry about.
274
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:12,760
Yeah, that guy probably
wants to be as far away
275
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,260
from this place as possible.
276
00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:15,760
Uh, not necessarily.
277
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,760
I happen to be a student
of criminal psychology.
278
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,260
And according to
279
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,260
the Connecticut Encyclopedia
of Deviant Behavior,
280
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:26,770
the mind of the criminal will
very often fixate on revenge.
281
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,270
Uh, take the case
of Jack Earl Morley,
282
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:33,280
a disgruntled postal clerk
from Eakly, Oklahoma.
283
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:37,280
A coworker turned him in
for stealing stamps.
284
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,280
Morley tracked him halfway
across the country
285
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,280
and then chopped him up
into little pieces.
286
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,790
In a final
ironic twist,
287
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:48,790
he mailed the pieces
back to his supervisor...
288
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:52,800
Postage due.
289
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,800
( groaning )
290
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,800
Come on. Listen,
I've gotta take this flight,
291
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,300
but, Antonio, do me a favor.
292
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,310
Just try to relax.
Don't worry. Okay?
293
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:06,310
As far as this guy's concerned,
you are insignificant.
294
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:09,310
You're a fly,
a gnat, a speck.
295
00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:10,310
You--
You're nothing.
296
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:11,810
Y-you're less than nothing.
297
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,820
All right? So just think
about that for a while.
298
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,320
Tell me if that doesn't
make you feel better.
299
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,820
Oh. Oh, Joe's right.
He's right.
BRIAN: Yeah.
300
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:19,820
I am nothing.
Yeah.
301
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:21,820
I am--
I am what a speck wipes off
302
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:23,330
the bottom
of his shoe.
303
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:24,330
Heh.
304
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:26,830
I just get so wound up
sometimes.
305
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,330
Hey, that's okay.
You know, you're just--
306
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,330
You're too tense.
You need to relax.
307
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,330
Tell you what you do.
You go home, right?
308
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:35,340
You pour a drink.
You draw a bath...
309
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,840
And kiss your ass good-bye!
310
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,850
( upbeat theme playing )
311
00:12:52,050 --> 00:12:54,860
( mellow theme playing )
312
00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,360
( knocking )
313
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,360
Ugh. All right!
314
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,360
All right.
315
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:02,870
( knocking )
316
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:03,870
( doorbell rings )
317
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,870
Oh, come on.
It's after 1.
318
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:06,870
( knocking insistently )
319
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,870
What--? Stop! Stop!
Who is it?
320
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:09,870
It's me,
Antonio.
321
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:11,370
Quick,
open up.
322
00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:14,880
I was too scared
to be alone.
323
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,880
I-I didn't know
where else to go.
324
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,880
All right, come-- Sit--
Sit down for a second.
325
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:19,880
Relax. What's--
What's wrong?
326
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,380
What's
the matter now?
327
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,890
Frederick Watts,
328
00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:23,890
the man
from the airport,
329
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,390
is stalking me.
330
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:26,890
Oh, come on.
What?
331
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,890
Are you sure?
Yes!
332
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,890
All night
he terrorizes me by--
333
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:32,900
By constantly driving
past my house.
334
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,400
L-look, Antonio, listen.
335
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,400
It's 1:00 in the morning.
I gotta get some rest.
336
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,900
If you want to, you're welcome
to sleep on the couch,
337
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:41,400
but I'm tellin' you,
this is all in your mind.
338
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,410
Okay, okay, okay,
then what was that?
339
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:45,410
I-i-it's a car.
340
00:13:45,410 --> 00:13:47,910
Not a car, his car.
341
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,410
My God, man!
342
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:51,410
You've led him right to us!
343
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:53,920
Hit the lights!
344
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:57,920
Come on!
345
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,420
You could've just used
the switch.
346
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:02,420
There it is again!
347
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:03,430
It-- It--
It's a white sedan.
348
00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:04,930
It's him.
I just know it's him!
349
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,930
Yeah, hey, listen,
I just got a glimpse of it,
350
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,430
but it did kinda look
like him.
351
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,430
This is insane.
352
00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:10,430
No, no,
maybe it's not.
353
00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:11,430
Maybe he really is
out there.
354
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,440
I mean, listen,
we live on a dead-end street.
355
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,440
What's all this traffic
doing here suddenly, huh?
356
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,440
If it'll make ya fell better,
call the police.
357
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,440
The police?
I spit on the police.
358
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,440
( spits )
359
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,450
Hey, that is disgusting.
360
00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:25,450
You do that in your own house.
361
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,950
Antonio knows what to do.
362
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:28,950
Hey--
No!
363
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,450
JOE:
Antonio, where'd you get a gun?
364
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:31,950
I borrowed it
from a cabby I know.
365
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:33,460
( gun cocks )
Put that away!
366
00:14:33,460 --> 00:14:34,460
You don't know
how to use that.
367
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:36,960
I do too know
how to use it.
368
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,960
For instance...
369
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:38,960
( gunshot )
370
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,970
That's how you put on
the safety.
371
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:46,470
Give me that.
Jeez!
372
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,470
I don't know what
you're worried about Watts for,
373
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,970
you're gonna wind up
shooting yourself.
374
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,470
Did you see that?
There it is again!
375
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:52,470
Okay, okay. Yeah.
376
00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:54,480
It's the same car.
It's the same white car.
377
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,480
LOWELL:
I don't know
what the hell we're waiting for.
378
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,480
( glass shatters )
379
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:07,990
Lowell, the window opens.
380
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,990
All right, scuzzball!
381
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:11,990
It's gonna take
a tougher man than you
382
00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:14,000
to bring down Lowell Mather.
383
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,000
Lowelly. Lowelly, Lowelly,
Lowelly, that-- That--
384
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,500
That gun's an antique.
385
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,000
It's just for decoration.
386
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,000
That might've been
nice to know
387
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,510
before I yelled out
my name.
388
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,510
( telephone ringing )
389
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:35,020
It's him. It's him.
( Joe scoffs )
390
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,520
Don't be ridiculous.
391
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,020
He's-- He's just making sure
we're still here
392
00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:40,020
before he comes to kill us.
393
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,020
Give me a break.
394
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:43,030
Hello?
395
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:47,030
Try calling now!
396
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:51,030
Come on, you didn't have
to break it.
397
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:54,040
All you had to do was squeeze
the little plastic clip.
398
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,040
Oh, this is crazy.
399
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,040
We're--
W-we're sitting ducks here.
400
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,040
I'm going to go check out
the rest of the house.
401
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,550
Hey, you know, uh,
I don't see anybody out there.
402
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:05,050
I mean, maybe--
Maybe he's just--
403
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,550
Maybe he's through
for the night. That's it.
404
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:09,550
That's it. He's not around
anymore. He left.
405
00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:11,550
I don't like this.
406
00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:12,550
It's quiet.
407
00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:13,560
Too quiet.
408
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,060
Shut up.
409
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:21,060
Now it's really quiet.
410
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:24,570
Four guys,
alone in a scary house,
411
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:28,070
being stalked
by a deranged killer. Huh?
412
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,570
Throw in Jamie Lee Curtis
and a couple of chain saws,
413
00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:32,570
it'd be a pretty cool movie.
414
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:34,580
Well. Uh, you know,
415
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,580
I'd go see a movie
about us.
416
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:38,580
You know,
only if Gary Busey played me,
417
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:43,090
and, uh, Mary Lou Retton played
my sassy girlfriend Veronica.
418
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:47,090
What sassy girlfriend Veronica?
419
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,090
Hey, spend your days alone
420
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,590
waist-deep
in an airplane engine,
421
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:53,600
tell me you don't invent
a few friends.
422
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,100
Well, I'd think an actor
423
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,600
like Bob DeNiro--
424
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,600
Huh?
425
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,100
--could capture
the brooding intensity
426
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,600
of Brian Hackett. Huh?
427
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,610
I was thinking Bob Denver.
428
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:08,110
Who do you want
to play you, Joe?
429
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,110
Pfft,
ten bucks he says Tom Cruise.
430
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,610
Oh, ye-- And?
What's wrong with that?
431
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:13,620
I think Tom Cruise would do
a pretty good job
432
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:15,120
of portraying my life.
433
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,620
Not to mention
the way you lip-synch
434
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,620
and dance around
in your underwear.
435
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,120
( doorbell rings )
436
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:21,620
It's him.
437
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,630
I saw his white car
in the driveway.
438
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:25,130
( doorbell rings )
439
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:27,130
Wait a minute.
440
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,630
What kind of killer
rings the doorbell?
441
00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:30,630
Pizza.
442
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:33,140
We didn't order
no stinkin' pizza!
443
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,640
Did Watts send you?
444
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,640
Did he? Did-- Huh? Huh?
Did he? Huh? Huh?
445
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,640
Talk to me, pizza man!
446
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,650
Don't make me get my gun.
447
00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:44,650
Gun?
Look, I'm sorry, mister.
448
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:46,150
I've been driving
back and forth
449
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:48,150
looking all over for your place.
I even tried to call
450
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,650
to get directions--
Shut up!
451
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,650
Here's what I think of you
and your pizza!
452
00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:54,160
All right.
453
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,160
Come on. Calm down! Calm
down!Calm down!
454
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,660
Now, listen, if you really
are delivering pizza,
455
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,160
then what're you doin' here?
456
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,160
I was lookin' for a, uh--
457
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,670
A, uh...
458
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,670
Lowell Mather.
459
00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:07,670
Right there.
Lowell Mather.
460
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,170
( giggles )
461
00:18:10,170 --> 00:18:13,680
I guess now I have to share,
don't I?
462
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,180
( upbeat theme playing )
463
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:22,180
Hey, Antonio, that's--
464
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,690
That's, like,
your fifth cup of coffee.
465
00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:26,690
I know. I-I never
got back to sleep last night.
466
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:28,190
Boy, I did.
467
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,690
I had that dream again
468
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,190
about my mom
and Wilt Chamberlain
469
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:34,200
driving a go-cart
through the Holland Tunnel.
470
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:38,200
You know, Bunny always
used to say that it was sexual,
471
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,700
but with her, what wasn't?
472
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:40,700
Heh!
473
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,210
Boys, boys, boys,
474
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:44,710
it's all over town
475
00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:46,710
how you rousted
that poor pizza kid.
476
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,210
( laughs )
477
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,210
You better lock
your doors tonight.
478
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,710
It's a full moon.
479
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:52,210
The UPS man'll be out.
480
00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:53,220
( growls )
481
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:54,220
( chuckles )
482
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,220
Ah, Joe.
Joe, here's a--
483
00:18:57,220 --> 00:19:00,220
Here's a check
for last night's damages.
484
00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:01,720
Uh-oh.
485
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:05,730
He's here again,
isn't he?
486
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:06,730
This--
This is getting weird.
487
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:07,730
I'm gonna talk to this guy
488
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,230
and find out what's going on.
489
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,730
No, no, no, no.
No, it--
490
00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:13,240
It is time to stop hiding
and be a man.
491
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,740
Time for Antonio Scarpacci
to stand up to this thug
492
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:20,240
and tell him once and for all
to lay off.
493
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,750
I just hope that last part
isn't the coffee talking.
494
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:32,250
Listen up, mister!
495
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:33,760
What?
496
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,760
Don't "what" me, Watts.
497
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:36,760
I'm--
498
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,760
I'm tired of being hounded
like an animal.
499
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,260
If you want to kill me,
kill me.
500
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:45,270
If you want to fight me,
fight me!
501
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:47,770
If you don't want to do
anything at all to me,
502
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,770
that's jim-dandy!
503
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:55,280
Whatever you want to do to me,
just do it now!
504
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:05,790
Who are you?
505
00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:08,790
You know perfectly well
who I am.
506
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:10,290
No, I don't.
507
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:11,290
( chuckles )
508
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:12,800
Isn't that something,
Antonio?
509
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:13,800
All your worryin'
for nothing.
510
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,300
I mean,
he doesn't even remember
511
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,800
you're the guy that turned
him in to the police.
512
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:25,310
Oh, that's right.
513
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,810
That's right.
You're the guy from court.
514
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:30,310
You know,
you almost cost me 15 years.
515
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:31,810
It was a mistake.
Look, I--
516
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,320
I-I don't know
what came over me.
517
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,320
I'm just a humble cab driver
working at the airport.
518
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,320
Please don't hurt me.
Please.
519
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,820
You work here?
520
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:39,820
Yes.
521
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:41,820
Isn't that why
you keep hanging around?
522
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:43,830
No, no, no, it's that--
523
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:45,330
That cute little
blond waitress
524
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:47,830
who works
behind the counter.
525
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:50,830
You've been hanging around here
for Helen?
526
00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:54,340
She gave me a free piece of pie
the other day.
527
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,840
I haven't been able
to get her out of my mind.
528
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,840
I'm sorta hanging
around here
529
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,850
tryin' to get up the nerve
to ask her out.
530
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:04,850
Well...
531
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:05,850
See ya.
532
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:08,350
Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho.
533
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,350
Since you know her,
534
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:12,860
maybe you could introduce me.
535
00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:15,360
Why would I do that?
536
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,360
Because you owe me.
537
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,860
Helen.
538
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:23,870
Come and meet
a friend of mine.
539
00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:26,870
( upbeat theme playing )
540
00:21:29,570 --> 00:21:42,380
( upbeat piano theme playing )
38040
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