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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,590
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:08,590 --> 00:00:10,090
Hey, Antonio.
What are you writing?
3
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,600
Ah. A poem.
4
00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:14,600
The Nantucket Tourism Board
is putting together a booklet
5
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,600
uh, written by local poets.
6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,600
I didn't know you wrote poetry.
I don't.
7
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,600
But the best poem
gets a hundred bucks.
8
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,110
So I figure, "What the hey?"
9
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,110
Well, I'm game.
Uh, let's hear it.
10
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:26,110
Okay.
11
00:00:28,610 --> 00:00:30,610
It's called
"Waiting For a Fare."
12
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:32,120
Hm.
13
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:36,620
Waiting for a fare
14
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:38,120
Here comes one now.
15
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:43,130
Oh, he looks like he wants
To go someplace far.
16
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:47,630
What? You just want directions
To the lighthouse?
17
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:50,630
It's right there,
You stinking little tourist.
18
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:53,140
What are you, blind?!
19
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,640
Hey! You're gonna lose
That finger, pal!
20
00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,640
Get in. I'll drive you
Into the cold, dark ocean!
21
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,650
Waiting for a fare.
22
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,150
So, what do you think?
23
00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:12,660
Well, Antonio,
that was very nice.
24
00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:14,660
Um, but don't you think
maybe the Tourism Board
25
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:16,660
would want something
a little more upbeat?
26
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,660
Oh. No problem.
27
00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:22,670
And come back soon.
28
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:24,170
( upbeat theme playing )
29
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:29,670
Here you go, Antonio.
30
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:31,670
You can't watch a Red Sox game
without a hot dog.
31
00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:32,680
Ah. Thank you, Helen.
32
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,180
ALL:
Ooh, fries.
33
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:40,180
The game's about to start.
34
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:43,190
ANNOUNCER ( on TV ):
Ladies and gentlemen, to sing
the national anthem,
35
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:47,190
please welcome popular
rap recording artists,
36
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:50,190
Ice Tray
and the Cold Boys.
37
00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:52,200
Who?
MAN ( on TV ): Here we go.
38
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,700
( all beatboxing )
39
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,700
Up, up. Come up.
40
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:58,700
ICE TRAY ( rapping ):
Yo, say can you see
41
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,700
By the dawn's
Early light
42
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:03,210
What so p-p-proudly
We hailed
43
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,710
At the twilight's
Last gleaming?
44
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:08,710
What is he doing
to the national anthem?
45
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,210
He's rapping, Roy.
46
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,720
( sighs ):
I can't believe people try
47
00:02:11,710 --> 00:02:13,220
and pass this stuff off
as music.
48
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:14,720
It's an abomination.
49
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,220
It's an affront to
real musicians everywhere.
50
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,220
And it's got a snappy
little beat to it too.
51
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:21,730
Oh, say
BOTH: What?
52
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,730
Does that star-spangled
Banner yet wave?
53
00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:26,230
What kind of name
is Ice Tray, anyway?
54
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,730
Hm. Tray.
55
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,730
I think it's French.
56
00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:33,740
Does the star-spangled
Banner yet wave?
57
00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:35,740
Is this Ice Tray the one
who was in Boyz n the Hood?
58
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:37,240
Oh, no.
That's Ice Cube.
59
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,740
Then who sang the song
about the Ninja Turtle?
60
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,750
That-- That was
Vanilla Ice.
61
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,750
Wait. Isn't Ice Cube
62
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:46,750
the basketball player?
63
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,750
No, no, no. That's Ice-T.
No.
64
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,250
That's
the Iceman.
65
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,260
I wonder if Ice-T
66
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,760
is related to Mr. T.
67
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,760
I wonder if Mr. T
is related to Mr. Coffee.
68
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:05,270
I wonder if your mother's
related to your father.
69
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:11,770
The point is, that song
was written with respect,
70
00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:14,780
and that's how it should
be sung, for God's sake.
71
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:16,280
Even I could sing it
better than that dope.
72
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,780
Oh. Yeah, right.
Oh, yeah, right, Roy.
73
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,780
Yeah, yeah.
So you mean to say
74
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:21,280
you could sing
the national anthem?
75
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:22,290
You bet I could.
Really?
76
00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:24,290
In front of all those people?
Damn straight.
77
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:25,790
When the Community
Players needed a lead
78
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,290
for their production
of Man of La Mancha,
79
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,290
who do you think they called?
80
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:31,290
Rudy, down at the scrap yard.
81
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:32,800
All right,
82
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,800
but when he had artistic
differences with the director,
83
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,300
they called me.
84
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,300
And I went out there
and sang every night
85
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,800
in front of
all those people.
86
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,800
I was fantastic.
87
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,810
Fourteen nights straight
I packed 'em in.
88
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:46,810
Talking about the audience
or those toreador pants
89
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,310
you had to wear
during the second act?
90
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:52,320
Look, I think this fine
is totally unjustified,
91
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,320
and I don't see why
I should have to pay it.
92
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,820
For one thing, I know that
my assistant files those reports
93
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,320
every single day.
94
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,820
And for another thing, sh--
95
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,320
What?
96
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,830
She didn't?
Are you sure?
97
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:06,830
( sighs )
98
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,330
All right,
let me get back to you.
99
00:04:09,830 --> 00:04:11,330
( sighs )
Damn it.
100
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:17,840
Fay, can I see you
for a second?
101
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,340
Oh, certainly,
Joe.
102
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:20,340
Have a seat.
103
00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:24,350
( airplane
flies overhead )
104
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,850
So how are you
today?
105
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:28,850
Fine.
106
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:31,350
Oh, Fay, uh,
something happened today.
107
00:04:31,350 --> 00:04:32,860
Something you did.
108
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:34,860
Something...
109
00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:37,360
Well...it isn't good.
110
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,860
Well, whatever it is,
just tell me.
Okay.
111
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,360
Well...what happened
112
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,370
is really sort of...
113
00:04:42,370 --> 00:04:45,370
infuriating.
114
00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:46,870
( scoffs ):
Well,
115
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,870
you don't seem infuriated.
116
00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,870
But if you are,
go ahead and let me have it
117
00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:52,380
with both barrels.
118
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:53,880
Okay.
119
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,380
Uh, I just got off
the phone with the FAA.
120
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,380
Now, you remember those
service difficulty reports,
121
00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,880
the ones I told you
must be filed every day?
122
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,890
Well, you missed three
already this month, Fay,
123
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:04,890
and thanks to
your carelessness,
124
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:06,890
the FAA is
fining me $500.
125
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,890
Where am I gonna get
500 bucks, Fay?
126
00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:10,890
( sobbing )
127
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,900
Fay. Uh...
128
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:16,900
Uh...
129
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,410
I tried so hard.
130
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,910
I-I--
131
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:27,410
I-I-- I didn't mean to
make you...
132
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,910
I'm-- I'm older.
Sh. Now--
133
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:31,410
Sometimes I forget.
134
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:33,420
( sobs )
It's okay. Now...
135
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,420
just because--
My a-- Arthritis.
136
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,420
I-I-I know. I know.
137
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,920
All my responsibilities.
Oh--
138
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,420
Oh-oh, I know.
139
00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:46,430
Mm.
140
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,930
There.
Look, Fay,
141
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:52,440
let's just forget that
I even mentioned this, okay?
142
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,440
N-no, I-I'm glad
you unburdened yourself.
143
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,440
You gonna be all right?
144
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,440
Oh, yes. U-um...
I'll just go out
145
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,440
to the, uh, fuel shed
and compose myself.
146
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:02,450
( gasps )
147
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:05,450
I just hope
you feel better.
148
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,450
( sobbing )
149
00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:14,460
Uh, uh, uh. Hey, Roy.
It's all set.
150
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:15,960
What are you talking
about, Hackett?
151
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,960
Well, you know. What you
were talking about before.
152
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,460
About singing
the national anthem.
153
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,460
I just got off the phone.
154
00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:22,470
The Red Sox are expecting you
on Thursday.
155
00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:24,470
Hey!
Oh, yeah, right--
156
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:25,970
No, real--
Hey, really. Really.
157
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:27,970
My college roommate
works in the PR department.
158
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,470
He set it up.
159
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:30,970
So, uh, I can tell him
you're gonna make it, right?
160
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:32,980
Will you get serious?
161
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:34,480
Wait a second.
You just got through telling us
162
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,980
what a great voice you have.
163
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:38,480
Hey, you weren't lying
about that, were you, Roy?
164
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,480
I was just making
a point, Hackett.
165
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,490
Besides, heh,
I'm way too busy.
166
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,490
( clucks )
167
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,990
Don't be childish.
You can't really expect me to--
168
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,990
( clucks )
169
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:53,500
I can't go
running off to--
170
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,500
( all clucking )
171
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,500
I was just saying--
172
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,010
( moos )
173
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:09,510
Don't we have some kind of
barnyard thing going here?
174
00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:12,020
So-- So, Roy,
in other words, uh,
175
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:14,020
all that talk about
singing the national anthem
176
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,520
was just a bunch of hot air,
as usual, right?
177
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,520
Yeah. As usual.
As per usual, Roy, there.
178
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,520
You guys think
I'm scared, huh?
179
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,030
Well, I'm gonna show you
how scared I am. You go ahead.
180
00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:25,030
You call your friend
and set it up.
181
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:27,030
And while you slack-asses
are sitting around here
182
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,030
on your thumbs,
183
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:30,530
I'm gonna be showing you
how "The Star-Spangled Banner"
184
00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:32,040
is supposed to be sung.
185
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:34,540
I can't believe
you got him to do it.
186
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:37,540
Someday, I must learn
to use my powers for good,
187
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,040
not just evil.
188
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,540
Okay, everybody,
Thursday night,
189
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:43,050
anthem party,
right here on me.
190
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,050
Yeah.
LOWELL: Okay. And Brian.
191
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:47,550
Might I say you do an excellent
rendition of a chicken.
192
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,050
Of course, no one can
top my Aunt Frieda.
193
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:53,060
Why, whenever she'd
get up from her chair,
194
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,560
you'd check for eggs.
195
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,060
Found one once.
196
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,060
( upbeat theme playing )
197
00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:04,570
( upbeat piano theme playing )
198
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:08,070
( knocking on door )
199
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,570
Joe. Do you have
a minute?
200
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:11,570
I-I just wanted to
talk to you
201
00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:13,080
about what happened
between us
202
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,580
the other day.
Oh, good, Fay.
203
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,580
Because I feel really bad
about the way we left things.
204
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,580
Oh, I-I can't believe
the way I reacted.
205
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:21,580
Oh, well, you know. Emotions
run high, and we just--
206
00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:23,590
Oh, I know. It was really
silly, wasn't it?
207
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,090
( chuckles ):
It sure was.
208
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,590
( both laughing )
209
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,090
Well, at least we're
laughing about it.
210
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,090
Well...
211
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:32,600
And-- And-- And I want you
to know something.
212
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,600
What?
213
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,600
I forgive you.
214
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,600
( laughing )
215
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,100
Forgive me?
( laughing )
216
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,110
For what?
217
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:43,610
Well, for making me cry.
218
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,610
Uh, uh, uh.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
219
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:48,110
I don't mean to
split hairs, Fay,
220
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,610
but I didn't exactly
make you cry.
221
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,120
I mean, y-you made me
tell you something
222
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:53,620
that I really
didn't want to,
223
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,120
and, well, to be honest, it--
224
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,620
It really started when you
made that bonehead mistake
225
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:00,620
that cost me
$500.
226
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,130
( laughing )
227
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:06,130
Bonehead mistake?
Y--
228
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:07,630
Well, yeah.
That's what it was.
229
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,130
It was a silly--
( sobbing )
230
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:14,140
I came in here to try to
make things right.
231
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:15,640
Fay. I--
And then you just
232
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,640
opened the wound
all over again.
233
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,640
Fay, come on. I--
Don't touch me!
234
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:26,150
What happened?
235
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:28,150
( upbeat theme playing )
236
00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,660
Hey, pregame's over,
everybody. Roy's almost on.
237
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:37,160
ANTONIO:
I'm so excited.
238
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,160
I've never known anyone
who's been on TV before.
239
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,670
Uh, except for
my cousin, Angelo.
240
00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:44,670
Is he some kind of
celebrity in Italy?
241
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:46,170
No. He was videotaped
242
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:47,670
robbing a convenience
store.
243
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:50,670
Yep.
244
00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:53,680
A recording of this
once-in-a-lifetime occasion
245
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,180
is gonna make the perfect
Christmas gift for Roy.
246
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:58,680
Right about now,
the old VCR at home
247
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,680
is electronically
turning itself on
248
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,690
and switching
to channel 11.
249
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,690
Lowell, the game's
on channel 13.
250
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:07,690
Oh.
251
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:10,190
Well, that's okay.
252
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:12,190
I think I forgot to
put a tape in anyway.
253
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:15,700
I didn't miss it,
did I?
254
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:18,200
Uh, no. Saved you a seat.
Thank you.
255
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,700
Wow. You made great time
from Hyannis.
256
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:21,700
Yeah.
257
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:25,210
You did wait for
all the passengers,
258
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:27,210
didn't
you?
259
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,710
Passengers?
260
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,220
Look, they're driving Roy
onto the field.
261
00:10:32,210 --> 00:10:34,220
Hey, hey, hey.
There he is.
262
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:35,720
HELEN:
You know, usually
the good thing
263
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,220
about Roy not
being here is
264
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,720
he's not here.
265
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,230
And now he's not here,
and he is still here.
266
00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:45,230
Ah. Now, there's one
for the philosophers.
267
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:46,730
That's sort of like...
268
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,730
if I were to drink soda
out of this coffee cup,
269
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:51,730
could I still, in fact,
call it a coffee cup?
270
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,740
Whoa. Is anyone else
freaking out right now?
271
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,240
ANNOUNCER ( on TV ):
Ladies and gentlemen,
272
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,250
please rise and direct
your attention...
273
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:04,750
All right. Yeah,
look at him.
274
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:07,250
...where our national anthem
will be sung
275
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,750
by Nantucket resident,
276
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:10,750
Mr. Roy Buggins.
277
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:11,750
( all laugh )
278
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:12,760
Buggins.
279
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:16,260
Ha. Leave it to Roy to come up
with a catchy stage name.
280
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,760
( "The Star-Spangled Banner"
playing on stadium PA )
281
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,260
Oh-- Oh...
282
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:25,270
MAN ( on TV ):
Unbelievable. The guy fainted.
283
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,270
I mean, I've been
doing this for 17 years.
284
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,270
I have never seen
anything like it.
285
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:30,770
( man speaking
indistinctly on TV )
286
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,280
Oh, my God.
He fainted.
287
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,280
Laying out there flat.
288
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,280
Play ball.
289
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,280
( upbeat theme playing )
290
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:44,290
HELEN:
Well, well, well.
291
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:47,790
It's 4:00, and look who decided
to show his face.
292
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,290
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
293
00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:50,790
Yeah. Saw you on TV
last night, Roy.
294
00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:52,300
You done real good.
295
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,800
I've seen the, uh,
national anthem
296
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,300
done a lot,
but you were--
297
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,800
You were flat out
the best.
298
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,800
( all laugh )
299
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,810
Just shut up. I g--
I got hit with a flu bug.
300
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,310
HELEN: Oh.
I got a little lightheaded.
301
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:07,310
Are you sure it was
not something you ate?
302
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,810
You seemed to be...
choking out there.
303
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:11,810
( laughs )
304
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:12,820
It could happen to anybody.
305
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:15,820
If I had another chance,
I could knock 'em dead.
306
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,820
You know what? I bet you if
I told my friend what happened,
307
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,320
they'd let you sing it again.
308
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,320
I hear there's an opening
on Smelling Salts Night.
309
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,830
( all chuckle )
310
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:25,330
Fine. Fine. If
your lives are so boring,
311
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,330
that this is all you've
got to talk about, fine.
312
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,830
Go ahead.
313
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:29,830
I can take the heat.
314
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,330
Well I hope so, Roy,
315
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:33,340
'cause you're
on television again.
316
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:35,840
ROY: What?
( upbeat music playing on TV )
317
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,340
Last night at Fenway,
the Red Sox game was delayed
318
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,840
by a blackout.
319
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,350
Power shortage?
No. I'm talking about the guy
320
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:44,850
that came to sing
the national anthem.
321
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,350
( explosion )
322
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,850
Say hello to Roy
"Blackout" Buggins.
323
00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:55,360
It's Biggins,
you jerk.
324
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,860
After he hit the deck, Buggins
was carted off the field
325
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,860
like freshly-killed game.
326
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:01,860
Nice form, Roy.
327
00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:03,370
Speaking of nice form,
let's take a look
328
00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:04,370
at some sparkling
defensive play
329
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:06,870
from around the world
of baseball.
330
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,370
Ah, here's a gem.
331
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,870
Routine grounder.
Easy out, right?
332
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:13,380
Wrong. What do you
think of that, Roy?
333
00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:14,880
( gong resonates )
334
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,880
( laughs ):
Hey, Roy.
335
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:17,880
And I thought
Bush throwing up
336
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,880
on the Japanese
was funny.
337
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,890
And here's a close play.
Too close to call.
338
00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:24,390
You make the call, Roy.
339
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:27,890
Out. Safe. Out. Safe. Out.
Safe. Out. Safe. Out. Safe.
340
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,390
He's...out.
341
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:32,400
( clicks off )
342
00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:33,900
This is outrageous.
343
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,400
I'm gonna sue his pants off.
He can't do that.
344
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,400
Oh, yes, he can. You remember
when that Bruins fan
345
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,400
fell headfirst
onto the ice?
346
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,900
LOWELL:
Oh, that wasn't half as funny,
347
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,910
and they used that clip
for months.
348
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:45,910
HELEN:
Yeah, he got so sick
349
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:47,410
of everybody kidding him
all the time
350
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,410
that he lost his job,
his wife left him,
351
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:51,410
and finally he had to just
move out of state.
352
00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:53,420
Hint, hint.
353
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:58,420
Well, that is not
gonna happen to me.
354
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,920
And do you wanna know why?
355
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,430
Because your wife
already left you?
356
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,930
No. Because I'm gonna
show that sportscaster.
357
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:07,430
I'm gonna show you.
358
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,430
I'm gonna show the whole
world that I can do it.
359
00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:11,930
It's the only way I'll ever get
this monkey off my back.
360
00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:13,440
Mark my words, heh-ho...
361
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,440
Roy Biggins will sing again.
362
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,440
Be afraid.
363
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,440
Be very afraid.
364
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,440
( upbeat theme playing )
365
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,450
( upbeat piano theme playing )
366
00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:32,960
Good night, Fay.
367
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,460
Night.
368
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:35,960
( sighs )
369
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,960
Uh, if you're finished
with that, could I have it?
370
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,460
I'm recycling.
371
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:41,960
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm all for
helping out the environment.
372
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,970
Oh-- Well, there's that. But
I'm doing it for the money.
373
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,970
I can get five cents apiece
down at the market.
374
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:51,970
It's all part of my plan to pay
you back for the FAA fine.
375
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:54,480
Fay, you don't have to
pay me back.
376
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,480
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm-- I'm glad to do it.
377
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:57,980
I figure a can here,
378
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,980
a stamp steamed off
an envelope there...
379
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,490
I should have your money
back to you in no time.
380
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:06,490
( sighs )
Fay, I wish-- I--
381
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:10,490
Ooh. Two liters.
382
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:11,990
My lucky day.
383
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,000
( door opens )
384
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000
Helen, not so fast.
I need to talk to you.
385
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,500
Oh, what is it, Roy?
I'm kind of in a hurry.
386
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:22,000
I-I just got off the phone
with the Red Sox.
387
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,010
They said I could sing again
next Thursday night, if--
388
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,010
If I want to.
389
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:26,510
Oh, great.
Have a good time.
390
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,510
Okay, okay, Helen.
391
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,010
It wasn't the flu that
made me faint last night,
392
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:33,020
it was worrying about
hitting that high note.
393
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:35,020
You know:
O'er the land of the
394
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,020
( croaks ):
Free
395
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:37,520
I just can't get to it.
396
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,020
If I faint again,
I am gonna be a laughingstock
397
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,520
the rest of my life.
398
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,030
Well, it's gotten you
this far. I'd go with it.
399
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:47,530
Oh, damn it, Helen. All I need
is help hitting that one note.
400
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:48,530
You went to music school.
401
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,530
You're bound to know
some kind of trick.
402
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,530
You've got to help me.
No, I don't, Roy.
403
00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:55,040
What if I buy lunch from you
every day next month?
404
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,040
You do that anyway.
I'll eat in my office.
405
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,040
Deal. Sing.
406
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,540
Okay. Here goes.
407
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:02,040
( clears throat )
408
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:05,050
O'er the land of the
409
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,550
( croaks ):
Free-e
410
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,050
That's your problem, Roy.
411
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,550
You gotta sing from
your diaphragm.
412
00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:12,550
What are you talking
about? Show me.
413
00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:14,060
Oh, I gotta get a life.
414
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,060
All right. Turn around.
415
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,560
Ugh.
416
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,070
Okay. Try it again.
417
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:28,570
O'er the land
Of the free
418
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,570
Ho-ho, God.
Oh, yes.
419
00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:32,070
I got there,
Helen.
420
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:33,580
A-again. Again.
421
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:36,080
Oh. That was
unbelievable.
422
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,080
And after all
this time,
423
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,080
and not being able
to do it myself.
424
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,580
Don't worry.
Didn't see a thing.
425
00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:46,590
Roy, you old dog.
You finally got her, huh?
426
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:49,590
Helen, I'm more than
a little disappointed in you.
427
00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:51,590
( upbeat theme playing )
428
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,100
Oh, yeah, these are
great seats, Brian.
429
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,610
Any further out
in left field,
430
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:05,110
we'd be sitting in
Lansdowne Street.
431
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,110
Okay. If you wanted
to see the game,
432
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,610
you could have watched it
on television.
433
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,110
But we're here to see Roy
make an ass of himself.
434
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,110
By my calculations,
435
00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:12,620
he should be
hitting the ground
436
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:13,620
right about there.
437
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:16,620
Wow. These are
great seats.
438
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:19,120
Hey, Mattingly!
You're a bum!
439
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,120
BRIAN:
Helen. Helen.
440
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,120
You promised.
And why is it
441
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,130
every time we go
to a ball game,
442
00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:24,630
you turn into
the fan from hell?
443
00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:26,630
( honks )
444
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,630
I still regret
taking her
445
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,130
to that golf
tournament.
446
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:32,130
Hey, I'm starving.
What do you say?
447
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,640
Fenway Franks all around?
Sounds good.
448
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,140
Do it.
Uh, not for me, thanks.
449
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:36,640
I brought a jelly
sandwich.
450
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,140
Oh, Fay, you can't
go to a ball game
451
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,640
and not have a hot dog.
452
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,640
Well, those of us
who are watching our pennies
453
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,150
can't afford the luxury
of treats.
454
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:47,150
For God's sake.
Fay, I'll pay for it.
455
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,150
Oh, I wouldn't want to
owe you any more money
456
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,150
than I already do.
457
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:53,660
Uh, I don't understand.
You're not a player.
458
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,160
Why do you wear
a glove?
459
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,160
Well, Antonio,
at some point in the game,
460
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,660
or during batting
practice, like now,
461
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,660
they could just
knock one up here.
Huh.
462
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:02,660
Yeah, it's a long shot...
463
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:04,670
but...if you can go home
464
00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:06,170
with a genuine
Major League baseball,
465
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,170
well, you've got yourself
466
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,670
one of the greatest
souvenirs there is.
467
00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:11,170
( bat cracks )
Never have gotten one.
468
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,170
( all yelling )
469
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,180
Oh.
All right.
470
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,680
( hits glove )
Maybe today.
471
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,680
Hey. Fenway Franks.
472
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,180
Hey, popcorn here,
please.
473
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:21,680
Ah. I get it.
474
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,690
Uh, whatever they are selling,
that's what you yell out.
475
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:27,190
Yeah, that's
just about it.
476
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:30,190
Hey. Big, spongy
index finger.
477
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,700
Hey, Tartabull!
478
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,700
You swing like
a rusty gate!
479
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,200
Helen, the man is
holding a bat.
480
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,700
Hey, you guys want a beer?
481
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,210
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
482
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:44,210
Please, Joe,
allow me.
483
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,710
Hey, beer.
484
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:48,210
I love this.
485
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,210
Fay...would you
like a beer?
486
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:51,710
Oh. No, thank you.
If I get thirsty,
487
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,720
I'll just walk
23 sections
488
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,720
over to the lukewarm
water fountain
489
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,720
outside the smelly
men's bathroom.
490
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,720
Tell me when you're
going, would you?
491
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,220
JOE:
That is it.
492
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:03,730
You are not
paying me back.
493
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:05,230
If you do I'm gonna
throw it away.
494
00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:06,730
And you're not having
a jelly sandwich.
495
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,230
You are having...
Hey.
496
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,230
...a hot dog and a beer
like a normal person.
497
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:11,230
I can see this was
all my fault.
498
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:13,240
I never should have
pointed out a mistake.
499
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,240
I'm sorry that I did it.
I'm sorry I made you cry.
500
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,740
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
501
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,240
Now, was that so hard?
502
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,750
Um...well now that
I have a little extra money,
503
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,250
I believe I'll
buy myself a souvenir.
504
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,250
Oh, allow me.
505
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,250
Antonio, give Fay
the finger.
506
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:35,260
Oh, thank you.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
507
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:38,260
please rise and direct
your attention to center field
508
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,260
for our national anthem.
All right.
509
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:41,260
Oh, here we go.
510
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:42,770
Whoo!
( honks horn )
511
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,770
Ah. Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it!
512
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:46,770
( honks horn )
Stop it!
513
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,770
ANNOUNCER:
To perform tonight,
514
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,270
let's welcome back
a brave trouper,
515
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:53,780
Mr. Ray Biggins.
516
00:19:53,780 --> 00:19:54,780
( crowd cheering )
517
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,780
Give 'em hell,
Ray.
518
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,290
Oh, say can you see
519
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:08,290
By the dawn's early light
520
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,790
Isn't Roy supposed to
have fainted by now?
521
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:12,790
We hail
522
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:14,800
At the twilight's...
523
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:20,300
The bombs bursting in air
524
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:21,800
He doesn't stink.
525
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,310
He does not stink.
526
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:24,810
We flew all the way
to Boston to see him stink,
527
00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:26,310
and he doesn't.
528
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:27,810
You know, you count on people
to come through,
529
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,310
and they just
break your heart.
530
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:31,810
There's still
a chance, isn't there?
531
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:34,820
Ah, Joe, Joe.
Ever the optimist.
532
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:36,320
Just wait a minute,
wait a minute.
533
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:37,820
He hasn't hit the high note yet.
Mm.
534
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,320
He'll be sucking sod
any minute now.
535
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:45,330
O'er the land
Of the...
536
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:46,330
( mouths ):
Free
537
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:47,830
( static crackles )
538
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:48,830
I can't hear him.
539
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,830
His microphone
cut out.
540
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:54,840
Of the brave
541
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,340
( crowd applauding, cheering )
542
00:21:00,340 --> 00:21:02,340
It almost looked like
he did hit that high note.
543
00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:04,850
Uh, listen, don't make it
worse than it already is.
544
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:07,350
I was counting on Roy
to totally humiliate himself.
545
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,350
Excuse me.
( tapping )
546
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:11,850
Wait, wait, wait.
There's still hope.
547
00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:13,360
ANNOUNCER:
Thank you, Ray Biggins--
548
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,860
Uh, uh, it's Roy.
Uh, Roy Biggins.
549
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,360
And I'm not done yet.
550
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,360
Oh-ho-ho, there is a God.
551
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,360
I-I-- I had a little
trouble with the mike, but--
552
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:22,870
But I did hit that high note.
553
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:24,370
So I'd like to
prove it to you
554
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:25,870
by taking it again
from the top.
555
00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:29,370
Oh, say can you see
556
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:31,870
By the dawn's early light
557
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:35,880
ANNOUNCER:
Once again, a special
thank you to Ray Biggins.
558
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,380
At the twi--?
559
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,380
And the rockets' red glare
560
00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:42,380
Watch it.
561
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:43,890
Whoa! Whoa-- Ooh!
562
00:21:43,890 --> 00:21:45,890
See what that security
guard just did to him?
563
00:21:45,890 --> 00:21:46,890
Oh, yeah. He ought to
564
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,390
be able to hit that
high note now, huh?
565
00:21:49,390 --> 00:21:51,390
( upbeat theme playing )
566
00:21:54,900 --> 00:22:06,910
( upbeat piano theme playing )
39966
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