Original subtitles

He died.

Dad gave me money in case we need to go down the IVF route.

We'll do it naturally ourselves, promise me.

Well, if we're doing it naturally,

the acupuncturist says I need a different schedule.

Mum, why are you being so weird?

I think we just thought that there'd be more tears.

I think I'm broken.

Why aren't I crying?

They sent my boyfriend that questionnaire.

It's just going to make me sound like such a monster.

Why does it matter what a bunch of addicts think about you?

Although you might have another panic attack

when you see the state of Rachel's room.

How did I not see this?

Helen, take me to Harcourt Street right now or I'm going to scream.

She lied to me.

She didn't want to upset you.

She think I'd never find out?

Aiden is dead! He died!

He's lying in a morgue because he was stupid enough to

go and try and collect you from some pub or other.

I really need to talk to Anna.

She blocked me.

How could I have been with you last week

and now you're gone?

Anna.

What's going on?

You okay in there?

Anna.

What's going on?

Mum!

Mum!

Anna, love, you're up.

Have we got any rice? I don't know.

I don't like it. Yeah, mum, that's what she asked.

Here, Anna.

There.

Sorry, Anna. You were in there so long.

I thought you were killing yourself.

What?

You were in there for ages.

♪ Hey, I, I wouldn't let him in.

♪ No, I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't let him in.

♪ His eyes are close together, and he wears a toothy grin

♪ Don't let him in.

♪ No, I wouldn't if I were you...

♪ Let him in

♪ Ooh.

Girls, you know this is just a spot, yeah?

Maybe less alcohol and pizza is really all I need.

No, no, no, no, no, this stuff is the best.

It's not even out yet.

You know Anna's doing the PR for it and everything.

The launch is going to be huge. We got Chanel Blanche to attend.

I have no idea what that sequence of words means.

Rachel, that is actually pretty amazing.

I know. My hairdressing experience came in handy.

Who knew? Four hours is hardly experience, but...

It was exposure therapy, okay? It did the job.

Girls, this mask is getting a bit tight.

Is that suppose to happen? No, that's fine.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like it.

Well, Rachel doesn't like walking around with a spotty boyfriend.

Easy. I didn't say that.

To him.

Anyway, I would love to hang out, but I am off to meet

the love of my life.

Who is definitely going to break my heart when he

eventually moves back to America.

Not everything ends terribly, Anna.

Thanks, guru.

Is that nice?

Yeah, it's pretty nice.

I suppose a ride is out of the question?

Come on, let's go.

God!

What are you doing? I'm cooking.

Yeah, no, I got that.

But I'm on breakfast, with Neil.

We need to get in here like... It's fine.

Look, I did everything. I just...

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sit still.

My head's just...

Ugh, so full.

Morning. Hey.

How long have you been up?

Oh, I haven't slept.

Yeah, I really need something to calm down.

Half of this is freezing. We can't serve this.

There'll be an uproar.

It's fine. Just reheat it. Look, it's perfect.

Look, I baked fresh bread. Come on.

Come on.

You're putting me on edge. Come on.

Fierce busy in the waiting room, isn't it?

The Under-5s clinic is always manic.

I'm six.

Mummy's a bit delayed bringing you in.

Yeah, sorry. I was getting divorced.

Oh, that's okay. It's all in the file.

They have a file on me?

No, on Kate.

Her vaccines and developmental appointments.

Just we keep note.

A few things actually need to be filled in.

It's probably from when you moved back to Ireland.

So when did Kate start walking?

Em... Well, she stood up at like...

Maybe when she was...

a year? And then I think her first steps were 15 months.

Or maybe earlier.

Maybe it was 11 months, yeah.

So she stood up at a year but walked at 11 months?

No, sorry. The other way around.

Stood at 11 months and walked at just over a year.

Right. Sorry.

I'm terrible at these questions.

I should have brought Maggie. Is that your partner?

No, sorry. My sister.

Maggie looks after me while mum's at work or tired or hung over.

Real sense of humour this one.

You were at the weekend.

No, I wasn't, Monkey.

I would never drink to excess. That is Rachel.

She's the only freak in our family. I...

Or Helen. Granny can also be a bit odd.

And well, Anna has just lost her fiance,

so she is a bit of a looper right now, but I'm totally fine.

Now, Kate, can you see that chart over here?

Yeah.

Can you read for me the letters from the biggest

here to the smallest? Okay.

L-p-e-d-p-e-f-o-d?

E.

E.

It's better if you don't coach her. Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, I can't read that. That's okay.

Well done.

Now, I want you to have a listen and to raise your finger

when you hear a sound.

Wait, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Aiden is dead, and I'm just supposed to sit with it.

Well, maybe you can ask for help.

Does no one listen to me ever? I am asking for help.

Well, you just got to ask someone else, so.

Who?

Do not say a higher power, please.

Oh, come on, guys.

You don't believe in capital G God, do you?

Mm. I do.

Well, no disrespect, but I'm just really science-focused.

Maybe I'm too smart for rehab.

That's your problem.

Intelligence.

Okay, so a bit of concern.

Have you not noticed anything yourself?

You know, I don't see any fathers out there.

No one is asking them what their child's shoe size is or what

they may or may not have noticed.

Kate's short-sighted.

She needs glasses.

I'm going to refer her to the optometrist.

That's all.

Right, sorry.

I don't know what came over me there.

It's okay. I've seen worse.

And you're right, we almost never see any dads in here.

Anna! What?

Come inside.

What!? Come. Inside.

One minute.

What is it, mum?

Look who came to see you.

Hey.

Hey, Anna. Awh.

I don't know what to say, except I'm so sorry.

No, it's really sound that you came.

Will you have tea, Luke? Please say yes for me.

She won't stop until you say yes. I would love some tea.

Thanks, Mary.

Okay.

Mum, stop being a lurch. Just make the tea.

On its way.

Sorry, she's literally obsessed with you.

Rach used to say that she was jealous of her because of me.

Don't ask me why. No.

So?

A bit of cleaning?

I have to earn my keep from mammy Walsh, you know?

Nah, just anything that stops me having to look at people

pitying me. It's the cow eyes.

Mmm. Do you want me to put on my sunglasses?

Would you mind?

When's the funeral? Next week.

In America.

Okay. When do you leave?

I don't.

Collapsed lung.

So what will you do? No idea.

I'm probably asking all the wrong questions.

Have you heard from Rachel?

Because she left me a message

asking me to bring her some Valium.

To rehab? Mm-hmm.

You're joking.

Luke, I am so sorry that I didn't believe you when you told

me that she had a problem.

I think I just I didn't want to see it.

And then now that I can see it, it was obviously there in front

of me the whole time, like the state of her room.

You don't have to apologise.

I get it.

The rehab centre have asked me if I'm happy to attend

as a involved significant other.

And are you?

I don't know.

Not really sure I want to talk to her.

You're lucky you can talk to her.

I'm sorry, Anna.

I'm not thinking. No, no, no, no, no.

You're grand. It's me that's the problem.

I just want to talk to him so badly.

Just to make sense of everything.

And obviously, I can't, and I never will be able to ever again.

I just don't know how I'm supposed to live with that.

Thanks, Mary.

She's doing very well.

A bit of physical work seems to help.

It's a struggle to get her out of bed sometimes,

but maybe a little bit of makeup would help.

But she'll get there ...Yeah... in her own time.

Yeah.

Hey.

Are you okay? You didn't have any breakfast.

I'm not hungry.

I just can't eat when there's a problem, not till it's fixed.

That explains a lot.

Is that Crucifix yours? Or did it come with the room?

Oh, no, it's mine. You want a loan?

You know, if you're going to be disrespectful, I'll just leave.

No, no, no, no, no, sorry. Don't leave.

I...

I'm just not the God type.

What, you think that makes you special?

Huh? Like, gives you an edge?

It's not about God.

It's about finding something more powerful than you.

Anything.

How? How does that help?

Someone else to blame, really.

That's right up your alley.

If there's something else running this show, it gives this lovely

feeling of powerlessness.

Oh, I hate feeling powerless.

No, you just hate not getting your way.

Is a bitchiness really necessary, Jackie?

I'm not being bitchy.

If I was being bitchy, I would tell you that you've really

let yourself go since you've come in here.

I mean, that sweater looks ridiculous on you.

Look, just find something that makes you happy to say, okay,

that's more powerful than me, and ask it for help.

Oh, and it can't be Chris.

As if.

Or Luke.

No men. Jesus is a man.

You threw me to the wolves with Rachel, Jack.

You never have my back.

We could have made such impact if you just backed me up.

It's not our job to make the impact, it's their job now.

To... fix her, help her, whatever.

Yeah, but I make one comment and you caveat it out of existence.

Then I look like I'm stirring shit.

I didn't want to gang up on her.

Gang up.

It's not ganging up. It's called being a team.

We're not a team.

We're a family.

It's not us against them.

I don't know why you always seem to see it that way.

And you never do.

And it's lonely, Jack.

It's hard being the one pointing out all the mistakes.

I don't know if you don't notice. Don't care.

Just don't say anything.

I don't think it's necessary to point out mistakes to adults.

They know when they mess up.

Do they?

Yeah. Didn't you?

So what?

We let them mess everything up and then

figure it out themselves?

I mean, kinda!

Their failings are not our failures.

You've always done your best.

Haven't you?

Oh Mum, teacher sent a note in my school bag,

that my shoes are too small.

Okay.

Monkey this note was sent on Monday. Why didn't you tell me?

I forgot.

Why didn't you tell me you had a sore foot?

It's just because we don't wear shoes in the house.

And it says you forget items for activities.

Like what? Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know, Mum. I'm six.

Kate, do you need a costume for tomorrow?

Yeah, I want to go as a very hungry caterpillar.

Well, Mummy will work that out for you in the morning.

I fucking love you, Rachel Walsh.

Oh...

Wha- what are you doing?

Eh, nothing.

Nothing.

I had an itch.

It's best not to scratch the itch, especially in company.

Sorry.

Why are you awake anyway?

I was thinking about Luke.

Coercive Luke?

He's not really like that.

I'm quoting you.

Well, I may have over played that side of him.

He's actually a really nice man.

He might be the nicest man I've ever gone out with.

Ever met, even.

It's quite the claim.

He's...

He's sexy, you know?

Kind.

I never actually thought about it before now, but...

never felt so safe.

Mum never believed in being kind when you were sick.

She thinks it causes malingering.

But Luke.

He cared about me.

Is he the forgiving type of guy?

Yeah.

There is this one time- I don't need the long story.

Just yes or no.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, maybe you can win him back at your ISO this week.

Tell him how much you love him and how sorry you are.

Do you think that will work?

I should say so.

I mean, most guys can't resist a tearful apology,

especially face-to-face.

I wish I could worry as little as you do.

Please.

I'm obsessively worrisome.

Really?

You'd never be able to tell.

That's because I spent about six figures on dealing with

my emotional incontinence.

Y'know, sometimes I feel.

Sometimes I just can't stop crying.

But I just told you all that stuff by Luke and my fear

that I've ruined it.

You just brush it off with such grace.

Oh, darling.

That's because I really don't give a damn about you or Luke.

Okay.

I'll be five minutes. Okay. You warm? Yep. Grand.

Five minutes.

Thanks so much.

Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Super girl, yes, yes, yes!

And look, Mummy got you a lovely new pair of shoes.

Are you excited? Yeah. Yeah.

Are you excited for a book day? Yeah.

Put your arms up.

Now, you are Mr. Bump. Who?

Mr. Bump. It's a Mr. Man book.

You love it? I don't know that book.

Okay, well, let's pretend that you do, okay?

So it's your favourite.

It's about a man who bumps into everything.

But I'm a girl.

Yeah, you are. Of course.

Of course, you are. Okay.

Well now.

Off we go.

What is going on?

Where are you off to this early? It's not that early.

It's 9: 00 AM. Has there been a fire?

No.

Aren't you meant to be in college?

What college?

College, Helen, where you go to and study.

Oh, yeah, that college.

Yeah, no college today.

Lie in.

Where are you off to?

Yeah. A goodbye would have been nice.

Hello?

Hello?

Hmm.

Hi. Do you not have anything sweet?

Chocolate, biscuit, a cake? No, I need to do a shop.

How do you survive a day without sugar?

Maggie, love yourself. Yolo, you know?

Get out of there. I'll make the tea.

What's this for?

Oh, it's just a work thing. Right.

Look at all these packages. Anything for me?

I was feeling a bit stressed, so I went shopping, but I'm

going to be returning them all. Be careful.

Shopping bulimia again, is it?

Why are you in my house on a Friday morning?

Kate needed glasses, and I know I'll never hear

the end of it from James.

As if I don't feel bad enough that she's been squinting

for five years and I didn't even notice. Six.

You know, not all of us find everything easy like you do.

I don't find everything easy.

I feel like a shit mum.

James makes it worse, and...

I don't think you realise how hard

it is to stay in contact with your ex

just because you have a child.

No, I don't realise that.

How would I realise that?

Sorry, that we don't all have the perfect happy marriage.

Claire, you're so dismissive of my problems.

I've just told you that I'm shopping because I'm stressed,

and you haven't asked me what I'm stressed about.

That is the first thing I would have asked you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Why are you stressed?

Well, I don't want to tell you now because you're only asking

me because I told you to. Maggie, don't do that.

Just answer the question.

Garve and I are trying to get pregnant.

That's what the chart is for.

Oh, Maggie, how long have you been trying?

Since our wedding.

That's a while. Yeah.

Well, have you tried...

Having sex somewhere between Twickenham and Richmond

during the Six Nations?

Cause that worked for me? No, I haven't tried that.

But I've tried everything else.

Well, Paul is actually really against IVF.

Why? I don't know.

What's his plan B then?

Are you sure he wants a baby? He says he does.

Naomi Campbell had her first child at 49.

It'll happen. Thanks.

Are you lost?

Yeah.

Can I help you?

It's okay if I sit?

It's cold.

Yeah, I didn't bring a jacket.

Just had an impulse to leave, so I left.

I used to do that a lot.

I'd end up somewhere and have no idea how I got there.

Griefs weird like that.

How long?

Four weeks. Ouf.

Trenches.

You?

Two years, three months.

You keep it...

really beautiful.

Thank you.

I mean, I come here every day.

I live just over there, so I'm lucky.

Lucky?

It's just a weird choice of word.

True.

Anyway.

What has my husband enjoying the pleasure of your attendance?

My fiancé, Aidan. He's American.

He, um...

You know.

He was American. I prefer is.

His parents, they brought him back to bury him

over there, and I've just been...

Looking for something. Anything.

So I've been looking for a grave with Aidan on it,

and this is the closest that I found.

You know what? You're welcome here anytime.

Anytime.

I'm Mitch.

Anna.

Nice to meet you.

I actually haven't properly cried yet.

Yeah? Was that...

Does that worry you? Yeah, I'm a cryer.

So it must mean something that I'm not.

Must it?

I didn't cry for months when he died.

And then our dog died.

And I couldn't stop crying.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe just hadn't hit me fully.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, but then sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.

Those waves pass.

Promise.

And then, of course, some other bullshit comes

along and overwhelms you.

Never fucking ends, really.

I'll leave you to it.

Woah.

Cool.

Will I make you feel smug

and give you a laugh at the same time?

Yeah. Great.

Just be thankful you don't have to deal with this.

Are these people that you've matched with?

No, God, no. They're just people that like me.

Oh, I feel sorry for Marcus. Feel sorry for me.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God. That's Dr. Sheen. That's... Connor.

I knew he was single.

How did you know he was single? There was a vibe.

What are you doing? Will I match with him?

No, I don't think you're allowed. What?

He's not treating my wounds yet. Oh, Claire.

Ooh! You did? We matched!

Oh! I'm going to have sex with the doctor.

♪ I'm going to have sex with the doctor.

Claire, Mum would be so happy if you married a doctor.

Oh, look at his hands.

They're pretty good hands. Such good hands.

He's handsome. He's ridey.

Am I never allowed to be alone in this place?

An addict alone is in bad company.

Oh, for fuck's sake, Neil.

Not everything has to be turned into a slogan.

It does in here.

Um...

I'm sorry for what I said about you in my ISO.

You're angry, you lashed out.

If anyone's going to understand that, it's me.

Anna hung up on me.

She hates me. Everybody hates me.

I don't hate you, Rachel.

I don't care if you hate me.

Have you been in bed all day? Yeah.

Problem?

No. Just...

Are you okay? Jesus.

Must be bad if you're asking me that.

Yeah, just... Some days I need to be horizontal.

I get it.

Where have you been?

St. Mary's.

To Mass? Not inside, just the graveyard.

Why?

To feel something. No, I don't know. Just to...

Figure it all out.

Figure what out?

Aidan has this ex called Janie- had this ex called Janie.

And when I got home from the hospital,

she rang his phone

and she left him a message saying how devastated she

was and that they'd only seen each other last week.

Jesus.

Why didn't he say anything?

I felt really stupid.

Aidan never mentioned that he saw her.

Look, one phone call doesn't mean anything.

Yeah, but then, of course, I checked her social media and

loads of photos of them together.

Because they were a couple.

Okay, so that night, when we were on our ride to Rachel,

he told me he needed to tell me something.

What if he wanted to tell me that he was having an affair?

No, no way.

Okay, not having an affair, but what if he had an affair

while we were together?

No, look, he just asked you to marry him.

He'd hardly be having an affair. Okay, so not an actual affair.

But what if he realised he loved us both equally or something?

Highly unlikely.

And why didn't he tell me that he saw her?

See, I don't know.

Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe he was a bit...

Jesus, you're taking relationship advice from Rachel.

That's mental. I feel mental.

What are you two doing hiding away in here?

Eh, we live here.

What are you doing here?

Let me guess, dropping Kate off.

I think I'm going to have a very hot date very soon,

and everything in my wardrobe is boring,

so I wanted something fresh.

Who's the hot date?

A guy from the apps.

Don't let me stop your conversation.

What were you talking about, anyway?

Anna's been wondering around a grave yard.

Weird. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm great.

Guys, I still can't bring myself to cancel the wedding venue.

Well, don't cancel it.

What, leave it empty for a day?

That's a waste of money. Okay, Garve. No.

Why don't you have a memorial?

It might give you the closure that you need,

and that's what rituals are for.

Are you serious? Yeah.

What do you think?

Might be nice.

Yeah, but who would I invite?

The same people as the wedding.

You could make it a celebration of Aiden.

You're Aiden, how you knew him.

Bring back some happy memories.

We'd all help you organise it, wouldn't we?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Too much? That's far too much.

Too much. There's plenty of my stuff in there if you want.

You always laugh when I suggest that.

I mean, if I wanted to look like Sylvanian families, maybe.

You ready?

Really?

What do you mean really? I mean, really going to have sex?

I'm, kinda, not in the mood.

I'm not in the mood either, but...

Come on, we have to stick to the schedule, and we

have been doing so well.

We've got two days left, then we can take a break.

Pfft. You make it sound like couch to 5K.

It is way easier than couch to 5K.

Look, I know it's not fun and it's not sexy, but come on,

let's just get it done.

I shaved my legs for you.

Both of them.

I hope to God I can even get it up.

He'll manage.

Come on.

I know how you love it. God.

Do you think Anna blames me for Aiden dying?

I don't know, Rachel.

Sorry.

I knew she'd come for me. She always does.

Yeah, but you didn't know they'd crush.

Oh Chris has just been eating at me.

It's like all I can think about.

I just can't manage when people are annoyed at me.

You have to stop worrying about what people think

about you, Rachel. You can't control it, y'know.

So what do I do?

Let it pass.

It'll go.

Will be gone.

Like Aidan.

Sorry about Aidan.

I don't think that's going to wash with Anna.

Hello.

Oh, Rachel.

What's it tonight?

Do you need to pop out again,

or is it more painkillers you're after?

No, it's just my family letter.

It's to my sister Anna to say sorry about her fiancé.

Em, will you post it for me?

It'll go first thing.

Okay.

Thanks.

Rachel.

Well done.

He's quite good-looking. I get it.

Come sit.

As you know, it's Rachel's turn today.

This is Luke, who's Rachel's boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend.

Ouch.

I just want to say that I'm sorry.

You know how many times I've heard you say sorry, Rachel?

But I mean it this time.

I'm making amends.

I've got your questionnaire here, Luke.

When we asked if Rachel took a lot of drugs, you wrote,

I doubt there's a drug Rachel hasn't taken.

What did you mean by that?

That if there was a drug going, Rachel would take it.

No matter who gave it to her or where it'd come from.

Like what?

Speed, ectasy, cocaine...

and heroin.

That was one time.

Most normal people never do heroin, Rachel.

Luke, when did it become a problem?

It was hard to see you first because we only ever

met on nights out. I'm not an angel.

I know how to have fun, but it's social.

At the time, Rachel used to say she was too shy to meet me

sober or without drugs.

I don't know. At the time, I thought it was cute.

Well, I am shy. It's not a lie.

One morning, I realised when I kissed her

that she smelled like whiskey.

We hadn't been drinking whiskey.

Before she woke, I looked around the apartment and

I found an empty bottle that she had stolen from my

flatmate and finished.

Did you ever try to talk to Rachel about her drug and alcohol issues?

Yeah.

And any time it was brought up, she would just turn aggressive,

accuse me of being cheap if I didn't buy for her.

On another occasion, I left to go to work,

and I realised I had forgotten my wallet, so I went back in

and found Rachel doing a line of coke in bed.

Coke that she had stolen from my flatmate again.

And...

Yeah, I started watching her from that point.

I knew what I was looking for.

On the coke, she...

she was just loud and rude.

She would turn into this over-the-top flirt,

just throwing herself at anyone.

It was fucking humiliating.

I believe there was an incident

shortly before Rachel arrived here.

She had taken a load of Valium while I was asleep.

I couldn't wake her.

I thought she died.

I thought you were dead, Rachel.

I'm sorry, I can't do this.

What? No, you can't go.

Not now.

Just stop, please.

Luke! Rachel, please just leave it, okay?

Listen, if I'm so awful, why'd you put up with me?

You're not like anyone else I've ever met, Rach.

On a good day, there's not enough time in the world to talk to you

about anything, everything.

Please just...

Just say you love me, please.

I can't lie to you, Rach. I don't mind.

Lie to me, please. I don't mind, please.

Just please, just say you love me, please.

I can't believe it when I found it.

Not scared, are you? What?

Well, I can see how off-putting it might be,

following somebody you've only met three times

at the back of a cemetery.

You're not afraid I'm going to kill you?

I don't even know if I'd care.

I was late because a man called on the phone looking for Aidan.

He'd made an appointment to get a quote for solar panels.

You know, the hardest part of the early days

was telling people who didn't know.

You know, phone companies, bank managers,

even his physiotherapist.

Yeah, but they don't even talk to me

because I'm not his next of kin.

But sher the letters still come to my house.

I have a brilliant idea for a business,

a company that would manage all of that.

So calls the bank managers,

phones the mobile phone companies,

rings around, cancels all future appointments.

Yeah, I'd give that company everything I own right now.

Do you know what to call it?

Rest assured.

Rest assured. That's perfect.

That's good. That is good. That is good.

They take care of all that crap.

I left 'em some flowers.

I hope that's okay.

...my heart.

♪ To anyone who comes, how can I be so bad?

♪ With all the love I have.

♪ Jesus, Jesus, do you know where I've been sleeping?

♪ Of course you do, a man like you knows all the secrets

♪ I've been keeping.

♪ Jesus, Jesus, do you know what they've been saying?

♪ Of course you do, a man like you hears everything,

not just their praying.

RTÉ, 2025.