Original subtitles

This programme contains some strong language

Name? Really?

Kwabena Robinson. ID?

Kwabena?

You're Tuesday-born, right? No. Um...

I was born on a Friday, actually. My mum just liked the name.

Oh. It's Adjoa, right? Yeah.

It means Monday-born, and I was actually born on a Monday.

Oh!

Sorry, can I just say I'm such a huge fan.

I'm completely obsessed with your work.

Thank you so much. I saw your play at the National.

You saw that? You left me in pieces. Thank you.

Thank you for coming, I appreciate that.

Hopefully I can bring some of that magic to this.

Uh... It's a pleasure to meet you.

I've heard good things.

A pleasure to meet you.

I'm really looking forward to your audition, by the way.

I'm Kwabena.

Yeah, I know. Yes, of course. Sorry. Um, yeah.

Sorry, should we head in? Yeah.

OK, cool, let's go. Yeah, we're going this way. OK.

Excuse me!

I still need your ID.

Yeah, I'll be right here.

Thank you.

It's when I had short hair.

Shame.

# And I'm a ugly man making sexy money

# And I just wanna get friendly with her. #

But Lord Yarderton, my heart is broken into a thousand pieces.

I pray your heart stays as strong as your sword,

and that your soul is untouched by the horrors it will endure.

But most of all,

I pray that you come back to me.

That was fantastic.

Well, thank you for coming in again.

Yeah, it was fun. Maybe I'll see you soon.

Yeah, like on a Tuesday or something.

Yeah, take care. Bye.

We found our Lady Bentham. Agreed. And that note you gave was great.

Yeah. Thank you.

We still have Roxie Hague to audition.

Who? The reality star? I mean, star.

She actually has a big online following,

so she will lock in a younger audience.

Yeah, my girlfriend loves her.

I think they get their eyebrows done at the same place.

Oh, wait. OK, but Adjoa is a trained actress who's about to blow.

I agree.

Adjoa is a hidden gem. Yeah, but Roxie is a gem

with 2 million followers.

Well, last night I was talking to Pippa, the network exec,

and she was saying she would love us to lean into colour-blind casting.

You know my stance on this already.

Diversity's a big priority for them. But if that's the case,

then why don't we push for a black lead couple?

Strong black couple? Sort of, I don't know,

Barack-Michelle vibes. Could play well.

Do you know, I had lunch with Idris the other day?

He was saying he would love to work with Adjoa.

Yeah, he's already attached to Mandem In Outer Space,

so it's not going to work.

What about Rudolph Williams?

Mm. Who?!

He does theatre mainly, but he's done soaps as well.

I just think giving everyone on a shortlist of Bafta winners,

that there might be better options.

Rudolph's won an Olivier, Theo, and this is what the show's about.

Do we not need to think about our...key audience?

Which is?

Middle age...

..Middle England.

Right.

Are you saying white people won't watch something

if black people are the leads?

Uh...

I... I'm fully behind this idea.

And Corbyn is our director, after all.

You know, we need to give new audiences a show

where they can see themselves. Right.

You know, growing up as a working class kid in Newcastle,

you know, I certainly never had that.

Well, if that's what everyone thinks, I'll cancel Roxie's audition

because I wouldn't want to waste her time, so...

Great.

Great. Thank you so much. Cool.

I think this is great.

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

Hey, babe, miss me?

# When I close my eyes, I can see it

# My senses come alive, I can feel it

# All of the things I dare to dream while I'm sleeping...#

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Mwah!

45 minutes! Sorry. I got caught up at work with casting.

Must be nice. I've spent six hours

trying to come up with cooking innuendos.

Hot Baps?

"A new naked dating cooking show where things get steamy."

Surely this isn't hygienic? It's not.

And we have to buy, and I quote, "bushfire safety aprons."

I'm surprised you're still there, to be honest.

Yeah, well, it's chilled and it pays well, so...

Yeah, but you went from producing features in Nige to what?

Judging buns. I don't know, man,

it just feels like a waste. A waste? I'm not judging.

Kind of feels like you are. Just say it, Kwabs.

Look, I'm just saying, I think you're really smart and talented

and you've dreamt of telling meaningful stories your whole life,

so I don't know why you're giving up on that.

Well, thank you for your unsolicited opinion.

You literally asked. Do you know what?

We can't all live with our mums and pay no rent at our big old age,

just waiting for the perfect job to come along.

Because we live in the real world,

which requires money for things that you wouldn't understand,

like bills and rent and medical care for my mum.

Why are you coming for me like that?

I'm not coming for you. I'm just telling you like it is.

You don't understand. Why am I bothering?

Don't worry about it. Really?

You know what? Have these,

because, you know I wouldn't want them to go to waste.

Amy, seriously. You don't want my help no more?

I'm tired of waiting, Kwabs.

# Take us down

# We hope, we pray We manifest

# Manifest You'll be glad...#

Hey! Have you seen some of these paintings?

This is some Picasso shit right here.

I love surrealist stuff. Cubist. It's real Spanish.

Babe, did you check the fees before booking this place?

Two grand a month. Because it is the best.

And it's going to pay for itself when Miwa is a FTSE 100 CEO.

Babe, we can't afford this.

Don't worry, I'm going to take us some extra lectures at work

and do some tutoring.

Our son is going to have the best.

Well, he'd have more of a chance if you weren't dressed

like a Btec Clarkson.

What?! It's giving...

..Stop the Boats vibes.

Bro, are you not feeling it? Uh-uh. I think it's rather dashing.

Debonair, even. Mm.

Mr Mitchell, so sorry to keep you waiting.

Oh, yes. I'm Carol, the nursery manager here.

Hi. Hello. Oh, Carol,

it is a privilege and a pleasure to meet you.

Thank you so much. I have one query, actually.

By any chance, would you have any bilingual key workers?

You see, we have a holiday home in Bordeaux.

Oh!

Le coucher de soleil a Bordeaux sont divin, n'est pas?

Oui!

I have a question about the application process.

Could you tell us a little bit more about how it works?

Well, it's, um... It's a very intuitive process. Right.

We aim to understand everything about each child,

to gauge whether they'd be a good fit

for the environment that we create here.

And we do only accept a very limited number of children.

Oh. Mm. But, uh,

diversity and inclusion are at the forefront of everything we do.

Oh. Really?

And how inclusive is your current intake?

Speaking honestly, Mr Mitchell, it's imperative to us

that we widen our diverse intake this year.

Carol, that is dope

because as a blended Nigerian and Jamaican family,

we believe that Miwa would be a perfect fit for your school.

That's wonderful. Well, let's get you signed up

for your child's assessment.

Are you both available tomorrow? Yes.

Perfect. Well, spaces are filling up,

but we'd welcome a family like yours.

# All the way for me, girl

# Oh, yeah...#

So you can fix underneath?

It's going to need a new valve. So you have to go see me tomorrow.

Oh, no!

I'm joking. Yeah,

I'm home all day tomorrow, so it's not even a problem. Aight.

Would you like a cup of tea before you go?

Me never say no. All right.

Oh, Kwabs, you're early. Very early.

How are you, son?

How was work? Yeah.

Everything good? With what?

Oh, this is Errol.

Your uncle sent him to fix the machine.

Hi, Mr Hollywood. Yeah.

Time you need someone to play the part of a plumber -

I'm your guy, hear that.

OK. Um, look,

I have a lot of work to do, so if you need me, just call.

Oh. Um... All right.

Pleasure to meet you.

.Him always working, that one.

You know all about hard work.

THEY LAUGH

Stop it, stop it!

So how exactly is this going to work, dear boy?

I don't mean to be a sourpuss,

but won't my look slightly contradict my status in this period?

It is a periwig,

which was very fashionable in the Regency period.

By look, I mean my skin colour,

and by period, I refer to that business across the Atlantic.

It is colour-blind casting,

but there were wealthy black people in Britain during that time.

Black dukes?

So how did I acquire my wealth?

It says...sugar.

So I'm a slave, then?

We can change it to...clothes.

And what material would those be made from?

Yeah. Wait -

what if slavery didn't exist in this show?

And wouldn't that be, like, I don't know, like, radical?

Making a Regency show set in a Britain without slavery

isn't radical, it's erasure.

What would you think if you saw a show

set in Nazi Germany

that didn't acknowledge the Final Solution?

That's what I thought.

Better get typing, dear boy.

I've got some business to attend to.

Callum! Fetch my groom of the stool.

Shit! Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

Mr and Mrs Mitchell, I am so sorry to keep you waiting.

My last assessment ran over.

How are you?

Yes, yes, Carol. Mi glad fi see you again.

Carol.

Good morning to you, too.

Linda from Leeds says she would love to be on Hot Baps

because "Any man who can make me a good pound cake

"can give me a good pounding."

WOMAN LAUGHS

Right. I baked a Nigerian pound cake for my last mixed girl meet-up.

Of course you did. What's Linda's background?

Just because we do need to make sure the show

is as diverse as possible, remember?

Oh, yeah. Well, not to judge a book by its Caucasian cover,

but she looks pretty white to me.

Um, she might identify as black.

Exactly.

Thank you so much, Amy, for seeing me.

You're welcome.

Oh! Heather's calling. Oh, hello there, Heather.

Is she all right? Yeah.

I just think her canerows are too tight.

ON PHONE: Linda from Leeds, I think she's going to be a goer.

QUIETLY: Dickhead.

You OK?

SHE EXHALES

Just a patronising friend giving unsolicited advice about my career.

Yeah? What did they say?

Apparently this place is beneath me.

That is a dickhead thing to say. Right? Yeah.

They do kind of have a point, though.

And yet you're still here.

Actually, uh...

..don't tell anyone, but I...

I had an interview at Netflix last week.

Oh, that's so good! I'm so happy for you! Come on.

You're going to get this. You're going to get this.

Wait! Am I going to be the only black person here now? Nah.

Fiona's getting more and more black by the minute.

Oh! Kwabena, perfect timing.

We've got some very good news for you. Yep?

Rudolph's on board. Whoo!

Hey, that's cool! Yeah, but it was a lot of work.

But given how much you really wanted him,

you know, we went to extra lengths, so...

Thank you. So I was looking over the scripts last night,

and I found some story issues with having a black duke.

But it's fine because I've made loads of script notes.

I have some suggestions for rewrites.

Rewrites? No, I don't know how feasible that is, Kwabena.

Well, our writer's already gone on to another job.

Not to mention that changing things now, it's going to cost money

that we don't have.

Well, let's hear him out. Thank you, Bridget.

So we've cast Rudolph, and he's playing an English duke

who essentially acquired his wealth through slavery, so...

It's not realistic.

Yeah, but that's the point of colour-blind casting.

It's entertainment.

It's not a history lesson.

Well, slavery was prolific in the Regency era.

Exactly.

And I think we should honour the truth of the time.

Mm. Mm. Yeah.

No, I mean that is a pickle.

It's a shame you didn't mention this before, really.

But if the issue is where his wealth came from,

can't we say that he married into it?

Yeah, but that gives us the same problem with Adua as his wife.

Yeah, but what if we make his wife white?

Would that solve it?

I mean, I guess, but Adua's was playing Lady Bentham, so...

Yeah, but she hasn't been confirmed, and Roxie Hague is still available.

I did love Adua, though. It would be a shame to lose her.

No, no, I agree, I agree. But, you know,

Kwabena's raised a valid point. If casting Roxie solves

the problem, then I think we should do it.

I mean, what do you think, Kwabena?

Um...

I mean, yeah, it would work.

Great.

And she's a natural on camera. I've seen her TikToks.

Theo, could you make some calls? Absolutely.

I think this is a great fix. Good work, Kwabena.

I'll see you later.

Bridget, do you have a moment?

Yeah.

Why can't we make it work with two black leads?

I'd love nothing more than two black leads.

I'd also love a roll top bath and a private chef,

but this is the reality.

At your talk, you said the show is about pushing boundaries.

We're now at the boundary...

..and you're saying we should stop.

Look...

..when I got into this business, I was just like you.

But the more experience you get, the more you understand that change

isn't this one big overhaul.

I'm here, you're here,

and now Rudolph is here as a lead in a Regency drama.

Enjoy the small wins

because they're few and far between, I promise you.

# Hey, hey

# Let the rhythm guide you

# To your state of solitude...#

What the fuck?!

Did you know sewing a wig is the same as stitching a wound?

Why is Susan here? And...

..is that a buss down wig?

Oh, I forgot my mannequin head at uni

and I need to finish this wig for a client ASAP.

Yeah, this ain't working. Oh, it's not finished yet.

It'll all come together.

I'm not talking about your... Sh! ..about your wig.

I am talking about my flat that you have turned into a salon.

You've got to go back to Cambridge.

I told you already, I'm done with that. Bullshit!

Fine, I'm telling Mum.

Look, I hate it there, OK?

I thought I wanted to be a doctor, but being there with those people,

they treat me like I'm an exotic bird

because I didn't go to some Hogwarts school or know what an Aga is.

Sorry, what's an Aga? I don't know!

Look, why didn't you say anything?

Because I knew everyone would be upset if I drop out.

I'm supposed to be the smart one.

Why am I catching stress? I'm sorry.

I'm just unhappy and I don't know what to do.

All right, all right.

Look, you are really smart and talented.

Tola, you've always dreamed of being a doctor,

so I'm not sure why you're giving up on that.

I appreciate it, sis.

And you're smart too.

Thank you.

Tola, is she sleeping? Oh...

Oh! Yeah.

You're good, you're good, you're good.

Yeah. Fix this and then fix this. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

And send Susan back upstairs. MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES

Bruh, everyone's here, boy. Yo, fam. What's good?

Sorry, man, it's just work, innit?

No, we don't want to hear that shit, bro, yeah?

Today we are celebrating Kwabs finally getting a J-O-B.

And that my genius of a son has got himself into

the best nursery in the whole borough.

Tonight we're here to drink and party, blud.

Absolutely. Until ten. What?

Ten. Look, I've got to do extra tutoring now, man.

I'm picking up the extra work, then I'm paying these nursery fees.

Come on, bro. Say less.

We're getting lit by nine! Nine o'clock!

Hey, listen, I was trying to tell you, man, about work, bro.

See that ting in the beige boots, yeah?

She's an actress who was supposed to get in the show,

and last minute, the casting director did some switcheroo ting.

Man just let her walk away like that, fam?

For the influencer, Roxie.

Hey, I know her still.

Wait, so your man switched out that babe for the white ting?

Now you see why I'm avoiding her. So, fam, what you going to do inside?

It's not like you can hide with your hair, fam.

Let's go inside, man.

MUSIC: Soh-Soh by Odeal

Hey! Hey!

How's it going? Good. It's good to see you.

Yeah, you too. How's the show going?

Oh, yeah, nah, it's good.

Um, yeah, about that, actually...

It's a shame we won't get to work with each other on that one.

Oh, you know already?

My agent told me. Ah.

Yes. Yo, I loved you, but...

Like, I was fighting for you,

but the execs, they wanted someone else.

It's OK. I know it's not your fault.

I get it. I know.

Right. Um...

But, look, I would still love

if we could work together at some point. Of course.

But we can just hang out socially tonight, though, right?

Yeah, yeah, that... I would...

I would love that. Yeah? Would you like a drink?

Yes. Yes, I would love a drink. Turn it up!

MUSIC: Txtin' by WSTRN

Where's all my real, real ones in the building? Let's go!

Hey, hey, hey!

Mm. Eurgh.

HE RETCHES

SHE LAUGHS

Do you...? Do you want to dance? Yeah. Yeah?

OK. Let me grab my bag.

Come.

# We got about three hours, leave your phone alone

# He be guessing what goes down, when we be all alone... #

Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry! No, no. You're good.

I'm so sorry. It's fine, it's barely anything. Vanessa?

Hi, Kwabs.

Hi! Sorry. I'm Adjoa.

Sorry, um, yeah. No, sorry, Adjoa.

This is Vanessa. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too. I love your corset. Thank you.

You look amazing. Thank you.

Have a nice evening. You, too.

How do you know each other?

Oh...

Yeah, we used to date. Right.

You good? Yeah, I'm calm, I'm calm.

You know we got to turn the levels up, all right? OK.

Let's go!

If you're from London, put your hands in the air one time.

If you're from London, put your hands in the air one time.

Give me that bounce. Give me that bounce. Sorry, sorry.

Give me that bounce. It's all right.

MUSIC: Look What the Cat Dragged In by Giggs

Oh! Let's go!

Um, you know what? I'm...

I think my friends are looking for me.

Oh, should I come with? Oh, no, no. You're good.

I might be gone a while, so... OK, cool.

But I'll see you later, though, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to see what they want to do, but...

Yeah, um, good luck with the show.

Yeah. All right. See you.

Bye.

You just let her walk away again, man!

HE SIGHS

Yo!

Ain't that Vanessa wining up on some next man?

Nah. Who the fuck wines to Giggs, man?

Nah, listen, you need to pattern that. What, you think?

Yeah, blud. Listen, don't look at me, look at her.

Oh, oh! Wine up like that, you know?

To this song in front of your face!

Hey, you're Big Kwabs, ain't you?

You're Big Kwabs. Hey. Yeah.

Don't let that girl take man for idiot. Rrr! Yeah, man.

Roll up in there. Hey, come on, my guy.

All right, bro. Hey, let's go! Hey, we're here, man.

Rrr! Hey, you know this was a bad idea, innit?

Terrible, bruv. Yeah. Seriously, Vanessa?

Brother, do you mind?

Yo, no-one's chatting to you, bro.

And no-one is chatting to you.

Brother, I think you need to leave.

I don't know how many times I have to tell you,

no-one's chatting to you, fam. Bruv, what...? What are you on?

Ohh!

Do you want a problem?

Cos it looks like you want a problem.

Um... OK, OK.

Could you guys just put your dicks away for one second?

Wait.

Can you just give me a minute?

OK.

Come on.

Don't think man weren't on it, bruv.

What is your problem?!

Is that how you're moving in New York, yeah?

Just wining up on next man? We broke up, remember?

I can't believe you'd come back from New York and not tell me.

I don't owe you anything.

And besides, it looks like you've clearly moved on, so...

Who? Adjoa?

She's just an actress. Yeah. I know her through work, that's all.

Is that how you chat to people you work with?

All up in their ears like that? It was loud in there!

OK, but I'm back.

Now you know.

What do you want to talk about?

No, but who the fuck wines to Giggs? You're pathetic.

Wait, you're just going to leave it like that?

Like what? I just think... It's... What?!

What do you want from me? What do YOU want from me?

# Back, back, back, back, back

# Got my money? Run it

# Back, back, back, back, back

# And my baby bring it

# Back, back, back, back, back

# Got my money? Run it... #

Is this what you wanted, yeah?

# Hmm, you know what comes next

# Any time a hater run up on me, I flex... #

ALARM BEEPS

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, babe.

What's the...?

V?

# I don't want to be alone without you

# Without you... #

Yo, bredren.

You want some porridge?

HE SIGHS

# Oh, bumbo klaat

# Oh, ras klaat

# Oh, bumbo klaat

# Oh, ras klaat

# I said I came upon... #