Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language, adult humour and discriminatory language.

BELL RINGS

NARRATOR: It can be hard to know how

to present complicated subjects

to ethnically diverse children.

But you must remember, be balanced.

Miss, didn't the British suppress the Mau Mau uprising

by putting thousands of Kenyans into concentration camps?

Yes, but we also introduced democracy.

Miss, didn't the British allow for the death of millions of people

in the Bengal famine?

PUPIL GASPS

True. But we also built

15,000 miles of railways in India.

Miss, my mum told me the British

enslaved three million African people,

forcibly transporting them from their homes to work on plantations.

PUPILS GASP

Yes. But the British

were also the first to end slavery.

PUPILS GASP

In fact, you could say

it's because of our rich and complex history

that we can all celebrate being such

a multicultural society today.

Plus, we taught them cricket!

CHEERING

Howzat!

BELL TINKLES

Oh, quick, kids!

It's tikka masala for lunch!

PUPILS: Yay!

There are two sides to every story.

That is why the Political Impartiality in Schools Bill

is critical to the British education system.

MUSIC: Rule, Britannia by Thomas Arne

Impartiality. Make parity our reality.

# Britons never, never, never shall be slaves... #

Good morning. Hello.

So, from today,

we'll be starting the workshop phase with your mentors,

developing your pitches for the judges,

who will then decide

which of the coolest projects ultimately gets the funding.

This scheme exists to give you a voice.

We want you to...

# Emancipate yourself from mental slavery

# Only ourselves can... #

OK, guys, no-one's heard of Bob Marley?

That's one of my favourite albums. It's an incredible album.

Er, so, yeah, um, let's start by going around the group

and introducing ourselves and giving the loglines of our ideas.

Hi, my name is Nathan.

My film, European Tour, is about two guys who go on a road trip

across Europe on the way to the Champions League final.

The thing that jumps out to me immediately

is your idea falls pretty light on conflict.

Is there any elements you can add that will help enrich the story?

I can make them disabled.

I'll have a think.

I'll have a think.

But ultimately, it's a film about

how two immigrants fight to keep their love,

despite the boundaries between them.

I mean...

..when I read it, I thought it was great.

And now I'm listening to you do it,

it just sounds so shit.

Really, bro?

PHONE PINGS

Didn't the British allow for the death of millions of people

in the Bengal famine?

TEACHER: True. But we also built

15,000 miles of railways in India.

PUPIL: Miss, my mum told me... Oh, my days, bro.

..enslaved three million African people,

forcibly transporting them from their homes to work on plantations.

Yes, but the British were also the first to end slavery. Yo...

Fam! Have you seen this Government, sis?

VIDEO CONTINUES

What? Nah.

..complex history that we can all...

Whoa! That's crazy.

Oh, my gosh! They are fucked!

LAUGHS Hey, I bet they're going to wheel out

some black employee to defend it as well.

Probably. PUPILS: Yay!

WOMAN: Kwabs!

Yes, Mum?

Come wash your dirty plate!

Enjoying being at home?

Yo, is that Kwabs?

Ah... Yo. G. Come on, Kwabs.

What they telling you, cuz?

I'm good. What you saying?

What, you on food dash as well?

Yeah. Yeah. Obviously, multiple hustles, bro.

So, fam. Did you listen to the tape?

Tsk. Yeah, yeah, man listened to that.

Yeah? OK, what's your favourite track?

Tsk. You have a girl tune on there, bruv...

What, track three? In Your Arse?

Oh, bruv!

# I know you love it when I hit it from the butt

FRIENDS: # From the back

# Put my tongue in your arse, kitty-kat

# Kitty-kat

# She's so good she make her nigga never last

# Never last

# But I know you love it when I put it in your arse. #

Order number 237. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's mine,

that's mine, that's me.

Geez! Whoa... Hi, G. Come on, brother, you good, bruv?

Man, what you telling me, bruv?

INDISTINCT SPEECH

So, cuz... What, you're with Myron?

What, Irv? Yeah. Oh, yeah, the man's bossing me still.

Bare studio time on bare things.

Obviously, I owe my masters, though. You get me?

Yeah. So, cuz, when we puttin' the work, my man?

When d'you want to do this music video?

Let's do it, bruv. Mm-hm?

I'll shout you later. I obviously have to go now.

OK. But I got you, we'll make this, yeah?

OK. A'ight, listen. In Your Arse, bro.

In Your Arse. It's a hit, fam. Hmm?

# But I know you love it when I put it in your arse... #

Sorry, sorry.

# A-a-a-a-a-arse

# When I put it in your... #

SIGHS

Boy is sleeping.

Ooh.

INDISTINCT SPEECH ON TV

Oh. Can you get off work Wednesday afternoon?

Uh. Mum's booked MJ's snip-snip, so that he's not up all night.

EXHALES DEEPLY

Hmm! Why did you stop?

So she's booked it?

Oh, we're not doing this again, Mo.

You know it's tradition.

A Nigerian tradition.

Yeah, because my son is Nigerian.

Our son is Jamaican also, so what now?

Baby, please. It's not even a big deal.

Getting half your dick chopped off is a big deal.

PHONE RINGS

Well, thank God for that. Hmph!

Oh, we are not done.

SCOFFS

Yo, Kwabs.

Tell for me that chopping off half of little man's hoodie

isn't going to make him any more Nigerian. Oh, God.

Dorvin did what?

They're keeping him in until his first court hearing.

You know, the solicitor who did my divorce...

Mm-hm? ..he does criminal law as well.

Hmm, but, baby, your ex-husband did have two houses...

And three cars. ..and you never get nothing.

Uh-huh. Hmm.

Why would Stephanie want to go with somebody like that, hmm?

I tell you what, me go phone Mrs Stewart.

Thank you.

So, Stephanie, you tell him Father?

He's taking the first flight he can out of Lagos.

Lagos?

Yeah. He's Nigerian?

Yeah.

Well, seen as everybody is here,

I'm going to grub up some food.

I'll help you, Grace.

Kwabena, where me Dutch pot there? Hmm?

Come find it, man. Cha!

I'll season the meat. Just focus on the salad.

CLATTERING

Auntie... Hmm?

..can I ask you something about Dorvin?

Yeah.

Is he circumcised?

PODCASTER: Learning how to master storytelling

will take you everywhere.

People will then want to invest in you.

But I think that there is a universal way of telling stories

that can take...

The story is about how, in the wake of expatriation and discrimination,

love transcends all barriers.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Thank YOU.

What a fantastic pitch.

You're very articulate.

I should flag this up early.

There is actually a TV show coming out about the Windrush.

Yeah. I'm aware of the series.

Well, so what makes your film different?

Well, that series is actually focusing on immigration,

whereas my film is a period romance.

There are lots of films about period romance.

But...

..the Windrush era is a very specific time in Britain,

especially for Caribbean migrants.

I still don't get

what makes your story different, though.

Why should I leave my house to go and watch your film?

I guess I would ask...

..why do you leave your house

to watch every Keira Knightley period drama?

Or Hugh Grant romcom?

Or every World War film?

Like, every year, a new untold story

about how the British beat the Nazis.

Next year, "The story you know,

"in a way you've never seen before

"of how the British defeats the Nazis."

But you say MY film doesn't have a USP?

Your whiteness is blinding you.

Well?

Why should I watch your film?

Er...

I'll think about that.

Well done. It's a really good start.

I love the title.

Thank you.

Hi.

My film, A European Tour,

is about two Muslim women,

both shunned by their families for being lesbians,

on their way to the Champions League final.

Sorry, G. It's been a hectic day.

How do you think it went?

You really have a voice now that dem man are gone, innit?

SCOFFS

Come on, bro.

I can't do nepotism, man.

"Nepotism"? Brother, they were chatting shit.

I hear you.

You see, these schemes, they're not about

who's got the best idea.

They're about which idea best fits their agenda.

This is the only script I have.

Brother, you need to have at least three of these on deck

at all times, man.

Let's think on something else.

What's been going on in your life recently?

My cousin had a baby.

Who's going to want to watch that?

I, I would, but...

Nah.

My cousin actually got arrested. Hmm?

Drug charge. Hmm.

It's peak as well because he was shotting Ps to raise

money for a music video I was supposed to direct.

That's your film.

What?

Nah, bruv, I didn't come here for that.

Trust me, brother. They'd love a film like that.

A young brother shotting on Ends to fund his music career.

It's perfect.

I don't want to be another director who makes hood films.

But at least they're making films, man.

Look...

I get that you don't want to get pigeonholed. I understand that.

But that's an issue for people who are in the industry.

And right now, you're not.

But if you want to be a film-maker,

you need to make films.

Hmm.

I got the job in New York.

Amazing.

SIGHING: Yeah.

Am I missing something?

They said that they want me to be over there the next few weeks.

OK.

Yeah.

Look, I have friends who do long-distance and they're fine.

We're going to be fine.

We're going to be fine.

# Lift me higher... #

Aw, my little man.

BABY GURGLES

Look at what you got going on.

HE TUTS DOOR CLICKS OPEN

Don't worry.

I'll protect you from all the evil forces

who want to chop off your manhood.

SCOFFS

Really, Mo?

You hear that, son?

She's even chopping daddy's name in half.

Look, baby. Hmm?

You know I love you. Mm-hm.

You and everything you've got going on.

But you have to understand.

You're the only Caribbean guy that I've ever been with.

So even me, I've had to get used to all that extra...

..coverage. Wow.

So not only are you taking our son's manhood...

SHE SIGHS

..you're taking mine, too.

OK. Do you know what? Forget it. I'm done. Forget it.

If you like, be there. If you don't, don't.

You actually give me a headache. Tsk.

How am I the one in the wrong here?

# On one again

# I'm not sleeping again... #

DISEMBODIED LOW VOICE: You're not seriously

considering Jamaica Road still, are you?

What? To keep it real?

Please.

What the...?

You're this close to finally getting your film made.

But who are you?

I'm you.

Just a you who's not tied to my roots.

Listen, you need to make the film about Dorvin.

Or not! Don't let this coon come here say nothing.

Who are you?

Me, I you, brudder.

But the version of you that nah bow to no white man.

Listen to me, youth.

Ya agree to one thing,

then another, then all of a sudden,

you end up on a ship across the

Atlantic going, "No" or something.

WAVES CRASH

Of course we have to make films for white people.

They're 84% of the country.

Is it?

This boy just want me sell out like a sausage roll at Greggs.

DING DOORBELL RINGS

EXHALES

Mate.

I need to sleep.

Auntie. Oh, Kwabs.

I hope you don't mind I let myself in.

Yeah, no, that's fine.

Dorvin wanted me to tell you

he now wants you to make a music video with track eight instead.

OK. He said, "This is the one." THEY CHUCKLE

You know how he is.

Yeah.

How's he doing?

BREATHES SHAKILY

I hate seeing him in there.

Er...

Could you do me a favour and call him?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

If you email this address,

you can request a video call with him.

It'd mean a lot. Yeah, no, of course.

Would you like some tea, Auntie?

Are you sure? Of course. I'll call my mum.

She shouldn't be too long. Thank you.

No problem, Auntie.

Hello, everybody.

I'm sure you're all aware of the controversy

surrounding our impartiality ad.

It highlighted a few blind spots.

I'm going to hand you over now to Ben.

Thank you.

Hi there, everyone.

I'm actually here to talk to you about diversity,

equality and inclusion.

Would anyone like to share any exclusionary behaviour

they may have come across in the workplace?

OK. When I contracted gonorrhoea,

some members of staff called me Happy Clapper.

Right.

Anyone else?

Amy?

It's OK.

This is a safe space.

Erm...

Er, I guess sometimes I have felt undervalued.

And people just be making comments about my hair and my skin.

I'm doing twice the workload.

I give people advice, they just don't take it.

SNIFFLING

I'm so sorry.

I was just trying to be friendly.

I didn't realise I was upsetting you.

I'm...

I'm sorry.

SHE SOBS

SOBS GROW LOUDER

One person called me Charlie Claplin.

VIDEO CALL TONE PLAYS

Yo, Kwabs. Wagwan, bruv?

Hey, how you doing?

You know me, man. I'm OK.

I just been writing, bro.

I've got bare tracks already.

That's good, you know? That's good.

That's good.

So...

..how's my mum doing, bruv?

I didn't see her for long, innit?

Um...

But she's doing OK.

I fucked up, fam.

I really fucked up.

Talk to me, man.

Bro, I wasn't even supposed to be there.

You know me, bro, it's strictly for the music, bro, but...

The mandem, they were moving food and that, bro,

and obviously, I got carried away in the music.

I got carried away in the mandem, bro, and one day they're just like,

"Oh, cool. Hold that for me, bro. "Hold that for me, bro."

And I'm like, "Yeah, you know what? Yeah, I will hold that..."

# Yeah. It's Dorvin's season

# Peppering bars and breaking seasons

# Give me the doubt, I'll eat it

# Add in a couple of pounds, I'll keep it

# Make Mum proud, that's vital

# Coulda pushed through but man just stayed idle

# Pointless things that we die for

# I'm going to make that change

# And I won't be happy until I put Mum in a Range

# Come from the top of the city

# And I'm headed straight for the top of the game. #

What films would you compare it to?

Think Thelma and Louise...meets...

..Schindler's List.

It feels a little bit... WHISPERS: Pst.

You're fire. You know which one you have to do.

So what stops them from reaching the Champions League final?

Well, they keep getting lost because they have ADHD.

OK. Thank you, Nathan.

Thank you all.

WHISPERS: Make the right choice. Let's get the funding.

Next up, it's...Kwabs.

My film is titled The Nine,

and it's about a young, aspiring drill artist

who gets caught up in the system

and how that impacts his mother and those who love him.

The Nine is based on real-life events

from a cousin of mine who was also a rapper.

LYRIC ECHOES AND FADES: Ya, ya, ya!

Amy, hi. Come in.

Take a seat.

Erm...

So, how are you feeling after the seminar?

I mean, I've got to be honest, it's pretty much what I expected, really.

So... Great.

Listen, me and the other MDs wanted your help with something

being a woman of... Colour. ..colour. Mm.

We've decided to issue an apology statement

and we wondered if you'd cast your eyes over it and see

if we've missed anything,

or perhaps you could add a little seasoning.

And we have had an AP position open up,

and I would love to formally offer it to you,

if you're still interested, of course.

OK, just....

Just so we're clear,

you went ahead with the advert when I specifically told you not to.

And now you want me to sign off on an apology for the same advert

which, had you hired me, Howard,

you would have completely avoided

the shitstorm that you're now in.

And your solution to your problem

is to bribe me with the same job

that I deserved in the first place.

So here's my statement, Howard.

Fuck you and your company.

I'm done.

DOOR SHUTS

She doesn't want the job.

Sh.

I've just put Mayowa down.

Oh, thank God. I can take a nap.

CLEARS THROAT

So I've told my mum to cancel the appointment.

Why?

Well, it's tradition to get boys cut,

but it's also tradition to not

directly oppose my husband.

So here we are.

Don't get it twisted. He's still getting a snip.

But not until you agree.

OK?

Thank you, baby.

That is fair, I guess.

Mm-hm.

Now let me snuggle up to all that extra material.

Keep me nice and warm.

Too soon? Too soon.

Too soon. Yeah. I'm sorry, baby.

I'm not going to take this towel off... Take it off.

..if you're making jokes about my foreskin. Take it off.

# Take time with me

# Call me, girl, so I can see you're eying me... #

You're early.

Listen, anything not to be my mum's butler, bro.

I mean, if it means you get the drinks in, I'm here for it.

So I have news. Mm.

Me, too.

You first.

I'm going back to Nigeria. What?

Look, I've been thinking about it for a while now, and some

shit happened at work, and it just kind of made my mind up.

What happened at work?

You know that government advert that everyone's been cussing?

Yeah, that was my company. Nah.

And then they want me to write their fucking apology statement.

Are you mad?

But anyway, sorry. What's your news?

I don't know.

Like, I got the funding,

but it feels less significant now.

What? No, that's amazing.

I mean, it means we won't work together but, I mean,

they're going to find you another producer, so...

I know, I just always thought that we'd make films

together, you know?

In fact, yo, we should make it.

Kwabs. Yo, no, no. Think.

Fuck the company. You came back to make the films you love.

Am I saying this selfishly? Maybe.

But you might regret it if you go back

and not have anything to show for it.

Cos I know you're not going to show them that advert.

And if you don't like what we make...

..you can always go back after.

Fuck's sake, Kwabs.

Yeah?

Yes, I will stay and make the film with you.

But I'm still going back to Nige.

Look, that's all I'm asking.

And you need to get another round.

Anything for my producer.

Yes.

It's fine. You'll have a great time.

I'll let you know when I land.

ENGINE STARTS

SHE EXCLAIMS

Really?

What can I say?

I didn't want to say anything,

but I don't want you to go.

Because I love you.

I love you, too.

ENGINE NOISE RETREATS

Fuck.

MUSIC: Light in Your Eyes by NNENNA KING

# It's the light in your eyes

# I can know your heart from your smile

# Ooh-oh

# And everything you're doing to me

# It's the light in your eyes

# I can know your heart from your smile

# Ooh-oh

# And everything you're doing to me

# I had to find a way... #