All language subtitles for Bobs.Burgers.S16E03.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH_track3_[eng]

[♪ theme music playing]

♪ Putting up fake spider webs
for Halloween ♪

♪ But maybe a real spider
will use them ♪

♪ Because his little silk
shooter thing is broken ♪

♪ I think it's called
the web weiner ♪

[Bob] Hmm.

[Linda] Hey, kids,
how was school?

-Math-y, did you math?
-Don't math, don't tell.

Hey, so any progress
on our Halloween costumes?

Those things don't
make themselves, you know.

Tick tock. Right, lady?

Nope. Not yet.

I've been down here all day.

Why? And don't say
because of the restaurant.

We got plenty of time.

Halloween's still, like,
a week and a half away.

Wait, what are
your costumes again?

Rocky Bal-boa constrictor.

Gene Tripplehorn.

Me with three horns.

Here, here,
and dealer's choice.

I'm gonna be
that bridge from Bridgerton.

I haven't seen it, but I'm assuming
the bridge is a big character.

-Sounds right.
-Hey, everybody.

-[Bob and Tina] Hey!
-[Gene] Waddup?

Hey, Teddy!
Haven't seen you all day.

Even though you're working right next door
at the creepatorium place.

It's not
a creepatorium, Mother,

it's an occult boutique.

The best kind of boutique.

-What's it called again?
-Freaky Antiquies.

Teddy, tell us everything.

Start with the freakiest thing you've
seen, and then go from there.

Uh, a cursed necklace with spikes pointing
towards your throat.

-What?
-Black magic dice with mysterious symbols.

-You roll them and they decide your fate.
-Ho!

It's creepy being in there,
but I couldn't turn it down.

Guy offered me a lot of money.

Rush job, right?

Yeah, he wants the whole place
open in three days.

Said he does 60% of his business
the week before Halloween,

so he needs it open ASAP.

That means
"as soon as possible."

Thank you, Lin.

Yeah, I did the painting,
wallpaper, and shelves,

but now he wants me to build some kind
of bulletproof glass case

for his very special items.

-Whoa.
-He wants a digital code lock on it too,

which I said I knew how to do,
even though I kind of don't.

That's like me with wiping.

But enough about this job.

Bob, did you end up
getting those tickets

for you and Linda for the Halloween-themed
Cake performance?

It's actually called
Cake Me to Hell.

And no, we didn't get tickets.

Every time one of these
Cake spinoffs comes to town,

it sells out, like right away.

And there have been
a lot of them.

Cakes On A Plane,
The Nutcaker,

Cakin' It To The Streets,
a Doobie Brothers experience.

Well, you guys could at least
try to get standby tickets.

Standby tickets?

Yeah, you go down there
and you wait for no-shows,

and if you're lucky,
you score discounted seats.

Okay, uh, yeah. Let's do that.

What do you think, Linda?
Should we do it?

All right. Cheap Cake
for the cheapskates.

I should go wash
my Cake shirt.

You wash your clothes, Dad?

I wash Cake shirt.

[Linda] Bye, kids.

Wish us luck
getting into Cake!

-Good luck getting a cake.
-Good luck.

Have her home by 10:00,
and don't be late.

I'm changing
the locks at 10:01.

We're not running
a youth hostel here.

Oh, hey, Teddy.

Wow. Still working, huh?

I'm on a deadline. Gotta finish up the
display case before tomorrow.

Aw. Okay, bye.

We're gonna go
Cake our moneymakers.

Teddy, you're working
in an occult store at night,

when all the freaky
stuff happens?

-I try not to think of it that way, but--
-This is fantastic, Teddy.

Hold on, hold on.

Hi, Teddy. If it makes you feel better,
you don't look that scared.

I mean, a little,
in your eyes.

-Okay.
-Here, catch.

-Wait, what? What's this?
-A walkie-talkie.

In case things start coming to life
in there and attacking you,

we want to hear...
I mean, um, help.

We want to help you.

Oh, okay.

-Teddy.
-Aah! Oh.

-Hey, Gabriel.
-Hi.

Can we chat inside?

Sure.

Whoa! Did you see that guy?

Yeah, he looked
like a vampire.

But also someone
that works in a vape store.

Oh, lovely.
My voodoo dolls arrived.

Still no haunted
jukebox, though.

That's annoying, but my sign
did come. Excellent.

[reading]

I saw it on eBay.

-I thought it was funny...
-[chuckles]

-...but also, it's true.
-Uh-huh.

How's the display case
coming along?

Good. I just have to put that digital lock
on that you wanted,

which I totally
know how to do.

So you should be able
to open the store by tomorrow.

Wonderful. I have
a mask in this box.

We need to lock it in there
as soon as possible.

I have to drive to Bog Harbor tonight
to pick something up.

I would keep the mask with me,

but I don't want to be
in the car with it that long,

because it is powerful
and terrifying,

and I would not feel safe.

Oh, but I'll be okay
with the mask?

I mean, probably?

Just don't look it
directly in the eye holes.

Okay. Aah!
I did it right away.

It's okay. One time
is probably okay.

Aah! Damn it, I did it again!

-Okay, maybe just--
-Aah! I can't stop!

-I keep doing it.
-All right, I'm just gonna close this up.

I have to get going.

Remember, once you complete
the case, put the mask inside and lock it,

and most importantly,

do not let anyone
into this store tonight.

Not even me.

Got it. Wait, not even you?

No, because there's a very good
chance it won't be me.

It will be someone
who looks like me,

who will swear to you
that they are me.

Uh, but if it's not you,
who is it?

My brother Gideon.

Some people call him
my evil twin.

Because we were born
on the same day, and he's evil.

-Oh.
-But he'd do just about anything

to get his hands on this mask.

Anything.

Okay, we all set then?

Uh, should we come up
with maybe a code word

that we can say to each other,

so I know when it is you?

Uh, sure.

What about "Mephistopheles"?

The fallen angel
of German folklore?

Oh, I was thinking something
simpler like "puppy,"

but we can do Mevicici...

-Mavisoc... Mavisoc--
-Let's just do "puppy."

Great. [chuckles] Puppy.

Well, I'm skedaddling.

Lock this door
behind me, please.

And remember,
let no one inside.

Not even you.

Not even me.

Good man.

[locks door]

[screams]

Stupid voodoo dolls!

Sorry, you're fine.

Don't voodoo me.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

-[radio static]
-Aah!

[Louise] Teddy, come in.

Hi, I'm here.

[Louise] Great. So was that guy you were
talking to a vampire or Satan himself?

Uh, I mean, he dropped off the scariest
mask I've ever seen in my life.

So that's here with me now.

Oh, and at some point, his evil twin
brother might show up and try to steal it.

-Amazing.
-Teddy, it's Tina, from the restaurant.

It's okay to be scared.

I mean, you're alone and you have
so much to be scared about.

That's helpful.

[Louise] Listen, we're right next door,
so we can keep an eye on the street.

Also, you should probably
send us a picture of the mask

so I can see
how horrifying it is.

Text us on
the emergency phone.

Oh, God. Okay. But I'm not supposed
to look it in the eyes,

so I'm gonna shoot it
without looking at it.

[Gene] Don't forget
to get one silly one.

-[screams]
-Whoa!

I want one.

-Should've ironed this, right?
-It's fine.

Ooh, bacon-wrapped
hot dog cart over there.

Aw! They smell good. They probably
do that on purpose, right?

To attract more people
to the arts.

Oh, the line's moving.

Yep, line's moving.
Here we go.

Please, let there
be enough Cake for us.

You're in luck, folks.

Two more no-shows means
last two seats go to you.

-Yes!
-Yay!

We're here! We're here!
Sorry we're late.

Someone had a kidney stone.

Oh, looks like the no-shows
are yes-shows.

Sorry, you two.

He didn't seem
that sorry at all,

based on the way
he slammed the window.

Well, since we're dressed up,

should we go have
a nice dinner

at the bacon-wrapped
hot dog stand?

We could slap them together
like the Cake show.

Yeah, okay.

Teddy, I searched "evil mask,"
"murder mask," "haunted mask,"

and I haven't found
anything that matches.

[Teddy] Good. I'd rather
not know anything, Louise.

I just want to put
the lock on this case,

and walk out that door
as soon as possible.

Uh, maybe don't walk out too soon
because he's coming back.

-Hello.
-Aah!

Hi. I forgot my glasses.

Could you let me in?

Uh, I don't think
I could do that.

You told me that if someone that looks
exactly like you shows up,

don't let you in.

Yes, I said that.

And good job, by the way.

But it's me, Gabriel,

and I need those glasses
to drive at night,

and then after I leave,
go back to not letting me in.

What's the code word?

Oh, uh...

Seriously? You don't remember
the code word?

You said it should be
a weird one.

I said it should
be puppy and--

Right, yes, "puppy."

Argh! I just gave it away.

Come on, don't...
don't be like that.

Just... just open the door.

I'm sorry. I can't.

Fine. I'll just drive back to my place to
get my other pair of glasses,

which make my nose
look quite bad, but whatever.

You're welcome.

Teddy, what happened? Over.

[Teddy] Well, he said he was Gabriel,
but I don't know.

He said he forgot his
driving-at-night glasses.

-[Gene] Typical.
-[Tina] Wait, he's coming back again.

-[knocking at door]
-Oh, God.

Uh, hi?

Hi, could you please
let me in?

What? Didn't we
just go over this?

Right, no, sure, I know,

but it's a bit
of an emergency.

You see, I had
some soft cheeses,

and it's put quite
a spell on my bowels.

I need to use
the toilet immediately.

You didn't need to use it
two minutes ago?

Uh-huh, yep, that's right.
[chuckles]

That is the dark
power of dairy.

Please. If I keep having
to not open the door for you,

I'm never gonna
finish this digital lock.

Digital... What?

Lock. Digital lock
for the display case.

Oh, right, right,
right. Right.

-Do you not remember?
-No, no, no, no.

I remember. I...
That's why I said "right."

It's just, my bowels
are clouding my memory.

Uh, and how much longer
do you think that will take?

I don't know. An hour, maybe?

I definitely know
how to do it.

Yes, of course you do.

I'll find another place
to summon my demons.

I'll see you soon.

-Okay.
-Very soon.

-What was the last part?
-Nothing. I'll just... Just see you later.

Teddy, come in.
Are you okay? Over.

[Teddy] No, I don't like this.

This is why you don't
work for twins.

[Louise] You need to hide
that mask. Right now.

What? Why?

[Louise] Because what if that was the
evil twin, which it's got to be, right?

And he comes back
and he overpowers you and gets in.

He's gonna overpower me?

And then he grabs the mask,
and then the evil twin has the evil mask.

Aah! You should keep those
two things separate, I bet.

Uh, okay, I'll hide it.

-[Louise] Somewhere good.
-[Gene] Maybe the Cayman Islands.

Mmm. Oh.

Should we go back
and have one more?

Maybe. And then afterward,
we just go straight to the hospital.

[gasps] Bob, look,
it's a skeleton Cake person.

Oh, my God.
I think I recognize that guy.

I'm pretty sure that's one of the original
cast members from when we first saw Cake.

You should go say hi.

-What? No.
-Come on, we're going.

-Linda, no. No!
-Hi.

-Hello. Hi.
-Oh, God.

Hi. Sorry, but I, um...

I love Cake.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

-Yeah, I wear this other times, too.
-Uh-huh.

We tried to see the show tonight,
but we didn't get in.

But we saw you when the original Cake
came through here.

Shouldn't you
be in there right now?

I'm actually only in the second act,
as skeleton number three.

-Wait, what?
-Oh. Well, I bet he's the best one.

Not really.
I'm just in the back,

patty-caking a guy
dressed as a candy corn.

It's humiliating, frankly.

-That's crazy.
-I agree.

I was just standing here wondering if
I should walk away.

Uh, you're gonna walk away?

Thinking about it. In fact,

talking to you might be
just the push I needed.

-Oh, God.
-On second thought,

-maybe we shouldn't have said hi.
-Maybe not.

Okay. I hid the mask
in the basement.

Is anyone out there?

[Gene] Nope. I mean,
I don't think so.

We had a bit
of a snack attack. [chuckles]

Don't worry. No one got hurt.
[chuckles nervously]

-Except for that banana.
-[knocking on door]

[man] Hello? I got a delivery
for... Gabriel. Hello?

Oh, it's just
the delivery guy.

Hey. Sorry. That must be
the haunted jukebox.

Uh-huh, sure, whatever.

I need a signature.

Could you do me a favor and just slide
the form under the door?

I... Okay.

-[Teddy] So just sign anywhere?
-Where it says "signature."

[Teddy] Okay. Here you go.

So how do you want
to get this in there?

[groaning] I got it. I got it.

You stay back.
I'm fine. I'm fine.

Okay, so I got that inside.

-Gracefully.
-Holy crap!

The Veraxion
executioner's mask!

Originally used
in the Middle Ages,

the Veraxion executioners
wore the mask to strike fear

and protect their anonymity.

Okay, that's plenty. Thanks.

[Louise] The mask
became notorious

after a series of sensational
murders in London

-in the 1880s.
-Yup, got it.

An occult group claimed the masks
granted them immortality

when worn during
ritualistic murders.

It is believed they killed at least eight
people before fleeing to Eastern Europe.

Stop! Stop!
No more about the mask!

[Gene] Teddy, it's okay. The door's
locked, and the mask is hidden.

And there are no crazy murderers in there
to use it on you. So you're fine.

Right. Right. Okay.

Nothing to worry about.
Safe inside.

[sighs]

How are you feeling, Teddy?
How's our boy?

[Teddy] I'm okay,
given the circumstances.

Actually, I think I'm about to
finish this in...

-[beeping]
-I did it. I got the digital lock to work.

Told you I knew how to do it.

[Tina] Congratulations.

[Gene] You did the thing you told your
employer you were going to do.

-Hmm. That's weird.
-[Louise] What?

The jukebox. It's open.

And there's none of the things inside.
There's no records.

[Louise] What the hell?
Why would...

Oh, boy.

Well, what, "oh, boy?"
Don't say "oh, boy."

[Louise] Well, I'm just thinking that,
what if someone was hiding in there?

-Oh, boy.
-[Gene] So there might be someone

in the store with Teddy.

Oh, no. No, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

[Louise] Oh, my God.

What if this was
the plan all along?

What are you talking about?
What was the plan?

[Louise] To sacrifice you.

What? Who's sacrificing me?

The evil twin? Oh, my God.

[Louise] No, no, no, Teddy.

What if there was no twin?

No twin?

[Louise] It all makes sense.

Gabriel gives you
a job in his shop,

he acquires this freaky mask,

he makes up this
evil twin story,

orchestrates this whole
scenario where you publicly

turn him away several times,

witnesses can attest to it,

then you just wheel him right in
undetected in the jukebox.

[Gene] Lord knows what he did
to all those golden oldies in there.

[Louise] He gets out
of the jukebox, sacrifices you,

I'm so sorry, the cops
find you dead,

Gabriel looks like
a completely innocent guy

you wouldn't even
let in the store.

Oh, God, what do I do?

[Louise] You run, Teddy.

You run like hell.

Aah!

Where is the mask?

I'm not telling you.

If I tell you it's in the basement,
then you'll know-- Oh, damn it!

Take me to it.

-Can I not?
-No.

When we first
started doing Cake,

it was about something,
you know?

We were young and opinionated.

We were reacting
to the first Gulf War.

-This? It's a joke.
-Totally.

There's a sequence
in the original show.

We called it
"The Baker's Man."

Oh, I know The Baker's Man.

That's all about the military
industrial complex

-and where we are as a society.
-Amazing.

Well, I reminded the director
of this production about The Baker's Man.

I told him it means
more now than ever, and he said,

"No one would get it,
no one would care."

Unbelievable ignorance.

Still, don't walk away, right?
What would you do?

I don't know, finish my PhD?

No, don't do that.

Look, I just want to say,
I think I would be a huge mess.

I've got a lot of blood,
like more than the average person,

so you're looking at a lot of clean up,
and then I'm pretty hairy,

so I don't know if you'd have
to shave me beforehand, but--

Uh, yeah,
you don't have to talk.

Okay, fine. Here's the mask.

And I'm just gonna
hand it to you-- [grunts]

-Oh, bloody hell.
-Sorry.

[whimpering]

-Hello.
-[screams] What the...

Thank you for holding
the door. How polite.

-Can you help me with this altar?
-Altar?

Yeah, that's why I went to Bog Harbor,
to meet the dealer.

It's nice, right?
Slavic, sacrificial.

It's got a few dings
and dagger nicks,

but I think that
makes it charming.

Anyway, don't forget
to lift with your legs.

One, two...

-Gideon.
-Gabriel.

Aah! You're both here
to do it.

Teddy, give me the mask.

No, Teddy,

-give me the mask.
-Don't come near me.

[shrieks]

I finished the case,
by the way.

Teddy, can you hear us?
Teddy, come in. Over.

Damn it! Gabriel came back.
Now both twins are in there.

So wait, there are twins?
I'm so confused.

Yeah. Turns out the whole
"just one guy" theory

that Tina had was very wrong.

-What?
-[sighs] We gotta get help.

-We should call the police.
-And tell them

there may or may not be
one to two evil twins

using an evil mask to sacrifice our
handyman, we think, we're not sure?

-Yeah, maybe not.
-Call Mom and Dad?

You think they have
their phones on in Cake?

-[both] Right.
-We gotta help Teddy.

We've got to go over there.

[both] What?

Fitz, there you are.
Two-minute warning.

Thanks.

In two minutes,
they're gonna realize

I'm taking the PhD train.

Next stop, New Life Town.

Okay, wait. What if
there's someone like me

in the audience tonight?

Someone who didn't realize the power of
Cake, and then they see you,

and it makes them believe
in magic and beauty.

Even if one person experiences that,
isn't it worth it?

Well, ideally,
it's more than one person.

That's... that's so few.

But maybe you're right.

-Really?
-You know what?

I'm gonna go back in there,

and patty my cakes off.

That's the spirit.

Hey, I'd love to have you two
as my guests for the show...

-[gasps] Wow.
-Oh, my God, yes!

...but I can't. Sorry.

-[both] Oh.
-I can't even get my parents on the list.

But I could give you
a high five.

[gasps] Oh, my God.

Oh, boy. Such a small space.

So little air. Otherwise,
this would be a perfect plan.

Teddy, can you get out
so we can talk about this?

No, I'm claustrophobic,
but I'm even more sacrificophobic.

What? What is he
talking about?

Oh, he thinks we're going
to sacrifice him.

That's why he told me
about his hairy body.

I was like, "What?"

How did you even get in here?

Did you hide
in the haunted jukebox?

Guilty.

I knew you'd do
something like this.

Oh, please. You're the one
that stole the mask from me.

Oh, this again.
The mask is mine, Teddy.

We used to own
a shop together.

Evil twins, dark delights.

But we recently split
and divided the inventory...

[both] And the mask
should go to me.

No, no, no, no.
I purchased it.

Yes, but I located it.

At least I didn't run off
in the middle of the night with it.

[Gabriel] No. You just
smuggled yourself into my shop

inside my haunted jukebox.

Who even knows
if it's still haunted now?

Yeah, so are you gonna
sacrifice me?

Because that feels like
really important information.

-[both] No.
-We sell the stuff,

we don't play with it.

Well, except for
the voodoo dolls.

-We do like a bit of voodoo.
-[both laughing]

Okay, so I'd like
to come out now.

Great, yeah.
So how do we open it?

Punch in 0000,
and then the pound sign.

Okay.

-[lock buzzes]
-Hmm.

Uh, try it again.

[beeps, buzzes]

Are you hitting
the pound sign?

Yes, yes, I am.
Yeah, one second.

[beeps, buzzes]

Oh, my God. I can't get out.

I'm losing air.
I'm gonna die in here!

Wait, wait. Gabes, you know that's not
the pound sign, right?

That's the star sign.

Oh, wait, then what's
the pound sign?

-Oh, my God!
-That.

Oh, that's the pound sign?
Then what's the star sign?

-[Teddy shouting]
-That's the star sign.

See? It looks
like a little star.

[chuckles] I mean,
not exactly,

-but I sort of see what they're going for.
-[Teddy screams]

-[lock beeps]
-Oh. Oh, dear God.

Okay, well, Teddy, uh,
thanks for all the great work.

I mean, there's a lot of your sweat
inside the case now,

but I can clean that out.

Listen, I just want to say, you guys
seem like you had a good thing going.

It's sad to see that end
over an argument.

I personally think you guys
should try to work it out.

Who knows? Maybe you'll find
a buyer for this thing.

Oh, I found one.

-You did?
-I received an offer this evening,

which is why I came in
the creative way that I did.

-Well, who is it?
-Uh, Mansfield.

Mansfield?

He likes me. I bet I could
bump the price up a bit.

See? That's great.

Who is this guy, like
a history buff or something?

Oh, no, no.

This is a terrifying person,

-with dark purposes.
-Oh.

Yeah. He's going to do some terrible
things with that mask.

Which, you know,
to each his own.

-It's none of our business.
-Except for that it's...

[both] ...literally
our business.

[both laugh]

Okay, so we all
have our weapons.

Fork, whisk, zester.

We run in there and attack
anything that's not Teddy.

Unless we're wrong,
then we pivot to small talk.

-Let's go.
-Dear God, please just be lemons in there.

On three.

One, two...

[all screaming]

I can't believe
you missed the high five.

The first time,
but the second time I nailed it.

Kinda. You made a weird noise.

I... I did.

[screaming]

-Teddy?
-Huh.

[screaming]

-[grunts]
-[water splashes]

Should we go after him?

Or we just split the insurance money
on the mask. Call it a day.

I love that you said that.
Yes, let's do that.

Hmm. A fork, a whisk,
and a zester.

Are you hunting werewolves?

Yes, obviously.

-Bye.
-Welcome to the neighborhood.

Trash days are Thursdays.
[chuckles]

Hey, I found
my Halloween costume!

[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ Freaky Antiquies ♪

[cackling]

♪ Freaky Antiquies ♪

[echoing cackling]

♪ Patty-cake, patty-cake,
baker's man ♪

♪ Bake me a cake
as fast as you can ♪

♪ Patty-cake, patty-cake,
burger man ♪

♪ Tried to high-five
but it didn't land ♪

♪ Patty-cake, patty-cake,
handyman ♪

♪ Hairy sacrificial lamb ♪

♪ Patty-cake, patty-cake,
Belcher kid ♪

♪ What were you gonna do
with that zester ♪