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- Hey, fellas! Fellas!
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You wanna know what time I woke up this morning?
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- What time? - Around six-seven!
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all: Six-seven!
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- Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.
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Did you guys do your homework last night?
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I tried to, but I got stuck on problems six and seven!
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all: Six-seven!
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Hey, Eric!
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- I know, Butters. I know. Don't do it to me.
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It's too funny. - But I just did a six-seven
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with Annie and Megan at the same time!
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- Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on Wendy
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and totally six-seven'd her from behind.
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- Wow! - Hey, Scott.
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How's your diabetes, man?
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- My diabetes? - Yeah, what's your A1C at?
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- 6.7.
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all: Six-seven!
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- Oh, my God.
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So fucking funny.
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- All right, everyone, listen up.
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I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions in the classroom
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and some satanic numerology shit going on.
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So I want to remind you this is a Power Christian school,
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and I am a Power Christian Principal,
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and we will be PC!
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So now I want you to hear from someone
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who is the highest authority on Biblical prophecies.
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This person is an absolute expert on the end of days
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and the coming of the Antichrist.
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Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.
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Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here to talk to you
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about the Antichrist!
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OK, so first, what is the Antichrist?
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The Antichrist is a newer, more human form of Satan
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that will soon walk the Earth.
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We don't know how soon it will walk the Earth,
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but it could be within the next six to seven weeks.
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Six-seven!
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- Uh, kay.
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Uh, you see, Satan was a fallen angel
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and God punished him,
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and to make sure that Satan could never have offspring,
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the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole
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to the size of a tiny, little pinhole
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so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside of it.
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So Satan could never have a butt baby until
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along came Mr. Donald Trunp,
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whose penis is so teeny, teeny tiny
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it could actually fit in Satan's asshole.
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How small is Donald Trump's penis?
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Somewhere between six and seven centimeters.
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Six-seven!
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- Hey, look, this is very important, people.
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OK, the Antichrist is coming.
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The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers to America,
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the fourth seal broken, and hell coming to Earth.
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It's right here in Revelations 6...
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six-seven.
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Six-seven!
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- Good, and breathe in through your nose.
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And out through your mouth.
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In--two, three four.
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And exhale--two, three, four.
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Good. Let your shoulders soften.
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Let your jaw relax.
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Now gentle pressure on the hips as your partner exhales.
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Good.
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- This is so boring!
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- How about you shut up and do your job?
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- Ah, come on, Satan!
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How about we just go home and fuck?
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We haven't had sex in forever.
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- That's because it's bad for the baby.
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- Yeah, but fuck the baby. This is stupid!
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- Did you just say "fuck the baby"?
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- Hey, relax, guy.
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I didn't mean like really fuck the baby!
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- No, you know what? You can just go home.
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I'll finish this myself.
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You can go home and jack off if you want.
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Perfect.
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- Hello, boss!
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- Ah! Shit!
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- Good news, boss,
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we just shut down another abortion clinic.
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- Oh, yeah, great. That's great.
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- Yes, boss.
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You've made all the Christians so happy.
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Of course, there is still one more clinic
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that will still perform abortions
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right here in town.
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- There is? - Oh, yes.
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How unfortunate that some babies
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will not be able to be born.
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As Christians, we can't allow this to continue.
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Perhaps you should go speak
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with this abortion doctor personally.
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- Yeah. Yeah!
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- Come on.
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- PC Principal, do you have a minute?
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- Sure, Jesus. What do you need?
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- I'm starting to wonder if I really fit in here.
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- Course you fit in.
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This school's been a cesspool of heathen left-wing
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little bitches, and only our faith is gonna set them right.
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- Could I ask exactly
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what branch of Christianity are you?
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- The kind that loves his country
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and doesn't tolerate any fucking fags.
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- Yeah, see, I-I really think I don't belong here.
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- Look, I understand it's a tough transition.
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You know, the vice principal here
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had the same conflict as you, but she's really come around.
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- The vice principal? Your wife?
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- That's right.
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Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please?
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She was saying this wasn't the place for her anymore,
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but just this last weekend, she converted to Christianity.
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- You wanted to see me?
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- Yeah, Strong Christian Woman, I was just telling Jesus
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here about our faith.
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- Oh, yes, it's been such a blessing.
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- She converted on Saturday. What do you think, huh?
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You ever seen a more Christian chick in your fucking life?
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- Never.
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- Look, I know it's a hard adjustment,
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but just stick with it,
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and you're gonna fit in here just fine, Jesus.
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- Everything go good at school today, honey?
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Yep, yep. School was good.
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School was pretty good.
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- Is everything OK, honey?
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- Yeah. Everything's fine.
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It's fine.
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Mom? Uh, could I-- could I ask you something?
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- Sure, Eric.
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- Do you know, um--
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do you know on average,
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um, at what age kids lose their baby teeth?
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- Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.
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I guess usually around six, seven?
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OK.
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- Eric, what?
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- No, nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry.
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I'm sorry.
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I was just, uh-- I was just, um--
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I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle.
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- My menstrual cycle?
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- Yeah, I was just wondering
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when you actual menstruate, Mom.
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Like, roughly, how many days does that last?
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- Well, Eric, it's usually around
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six to seven days that a woman--
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Oh. Oh.
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- Eric? Sweetie?
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- Eric, what is going on? This keeps happening.
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- Mom, Mom, you gotta tell me something.
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- Of course, honey.
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- Roughly how many nights--
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have I been throwing up at dinner?
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- I-I don't know, Eric.
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It's probably been six or seven nights--
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- Hey, Jesus, get your stuff, man.
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We're going out for drinks. - What?
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- Look, I know it's been hard for you
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trying to adjust here and everything,
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so the wife and I were talking
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and we found a nice Christian lady
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we're gonna set you up with.
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- Oh, I don't think so. Thanks, but--
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- Oh, come on, man. She's a really great woman,
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and she just converted to Christianity.
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My wife met her at the same place that she became Christian.
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So then I was like, "You know what?
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I need a new direction in my life.
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It's like I just got so sick of everyone being such a pussy
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all the time, and all this woke garbage
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and women trying to be men.
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So I just started reading the Bible, you know?
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I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible,
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but I listened to a lot of podcasts.
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And once I went through my transition, I was like,
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"This is great,"
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only now, guys are always checking out my Christianity.
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- Sorry, could you all excuse me?
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I need to go to the bathroom.
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- Sure thing, Jesus.
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- He seems nice.
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- Miss Davidson?
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Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?
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- Oh, yeah, that's me!
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I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.
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I'm just here to get an abortion.
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- The doctor's right in here... ma'am.
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- Hey, doc!
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All right, listen,
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I need you to perform an abortion, but it's not for me.
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It's for my partner.
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And you can't tell anyone,
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not even my partner.
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- How am I supposed to do that?
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- Well, you're gonna come with me, see,
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and we're gonna sneak into my house,
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and you're gonna suck that thing out while everyone's asleep.
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- You house wouldn't happen to be white, would it?
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- Hey! How do you know that?
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- Look, Mr. President, I've seen the news.
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If you got Satan pregnant, that's your responsibility.
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- Well, it's your responsibility now!
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Or else I'll sue you, how about that?
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- Even if I wanted to help you, sir,
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I have no idea how to perform an abortion
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on the offspring of Satan.
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To do that, you'd need some kind of expert on the Antichrist.
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All right, listen,
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you people have a very serious problem here.
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Your students appear to be in some kind of cult
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involving the numbers six and seven.
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- All right, so what should we do?
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- I'm going to need access to all your school's private data--
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school records, health records, and of course,
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all security cameras.
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- Oh, no, look, I don't think we need it--
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- Is this really what we've come to?
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Freely handing people's personal data over
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to some tech billionaire preaching shit about the Bible?
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- You got a problem with Jesus, bro?
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- Come on, man, you became a Christian like three months ago.
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- Yeah, I've got fucking faith, dude!
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What do you have, you little bitch?
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You wanna throw down, bro?
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- OK, hey, hey, hey--
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- You wanna see what it feels like to talk shit
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about Christians, dude?
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- I'll kick your heathen ass, bro!
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- All right, just try to be still, Eric.
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- Doctor, could I ask a question?
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- Of course.
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- About how long--
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do you need me to be still?
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- Just about ten seconds, Eric.
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So how long now?
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- Just another six, seven seconds, Eric--
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- I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman, but we can't pinpoint
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the source of his illness.
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- If he continues to vomit this much daily,
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I'm afraid it could be life threatening.
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- But, doctor,
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if I'm not able to keep any food down,
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roughly how long would it take--
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roughly how long would it take for the human body to die?
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- Eric, I'm gonna be very honest with you.
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Without sufficient nutrients,
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the body shuts down after six to seven weeks.
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- Excuse me, that's my computer.
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- Yes. And your computer has all the personal data
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of the students here. - It's OK, Jesus,
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Peter Thiel knows what he's doing.
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- I've downloaded all the students' information
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and loaded them into an AI face detection program
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so the school's security cameras can watch their every move.
264
00:12:59,770 --> 00:13:01,510
Now look.
265
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,520
Two students passing each other in the hallway.
266
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:06,610
They give each other the sign-- six, seven.
267
00:13:06,650 --> 00:13:08,910
Exactly 67 seconds later,
268
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,180
this odd parka-wearing child makes the same gesture.
269
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:14,700
And then inside the girls bathroom,
270
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:17,100
two girls doing the same thing.
271
00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:20,530
- Wait, why is there a camera inside the girls bathroom?
272
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:23,060
- To stop the Antichrist.
273
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,190
Now I'm following the lead on this girl here.
274
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,500
She went home to 67 Mala Vista Drive.
275
00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:30,330
Going through her family's medical records,
276
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:33,070
I found that her father has testicular cancer
277
00:13:33,110 --> 00:13:36,990
and 67 days ago, had one testicle removed.
278
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,510
- That really feels like none of our business.
279
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:41,160
- I don't know how I'm supposed to work
280
00:13:41,210 --> 00:13:43,510
with Nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all the time.
281
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,080
- Jesus, let's you and me have a quick chin wiggle
282
00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:46,390
out in the hall.
283
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,310
- I'm getting close.
284
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,360
I almost have the key to stop it from happening.
285
00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:03,530
- We are running out of time, Mr. Thiel.
286
00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:05,970
The Antichrist is coming.
287
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:10,280
Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we speak.
288
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,200
- If I'm going to learn what these numbers mean,
289
00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,330
I'm going to need access to every government database.
290
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:18,810
- You will have it, Mr. Thiel.
291
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:21,510
Nothing is more important than making sure
292
00:14:21,550 --> 00:14:24,900
this baby is not born.
293
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:33,480
- Look, man, I know it's tough,
294
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,520
but you gotta understand that drastic times
295
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,000
call for drastic measures.
296
00:14:38,050 --> 00:14:41,700
- I just don't feel good about treating people this way.
297
00:14:41,790 --> 00:14:44,490
I think the most important thing still has to be loving
298
00:14:44,570 --> 00:14:46,140
and respecting each other.
299
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:50,150
- All right, man, I need to ask you something
300
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,280
and I need you to tell me the truth.
301
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,410
Are you a fag?
302
00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:56,060
- No. That has nothing to do with it. It just--
303
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:57,760
- Are you fucking sure?
304
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,460
- I'm just trying to say that I'm really confused right now.
305
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,160
- OK, but confused like you don't know if you're attracted
306
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,810
to dudes, or like what?
307
00:15:03,850 --> 00:15:07,990
- Like how we can just change everything about who we are.
308
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:09,560
- I think you still just don't understand
309
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,170
what Christians today are about.
310
00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:17,090
Come on. There's someone I think you should talk to.
311
00:15:17,170 --> 00:15:18,610
Oh, yes, the Antichrist!
312
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:21,440
I've listened to a lot of podcasts about that.
313
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,830
Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming,
314
00:15:23,870 --> 00:15:25,400
but I'm like "He already did!
315
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,050
I was married to him in 2018!"
316
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,010
But seriously, if he saw how Christian I was now,
317
00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:31,930
he'd probably shit his pants.
318
00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:33,670
Don't be jealous.
319
00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,450
He's so funny.
320
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,810
- Hey.
321
00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:50,950
Hey, Satan.
322
00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:03,910
- Hello, boss. - Ah! Fuck! Shit!
323
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,660
- Oh, sorry, boss.
324
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:07,830
I did not know Satan was sleeping.
325
00:16:07,870 --> 00:16:09,790
- Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore.
326
00:16:09,830 --> 00:16:11,530
- Poor boss.
327
00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:14,140
If you're going to jack off, shall I fetch your cum rag?
328
00:16:14,230 --> 00:16:15,930
- Hey! I wasn't jacking off!
329
00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:16,970
- Sure thing, boss.
330
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,800
I'll go get your cum rag.
331
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:27,680
What is taking you so long?
332
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,680
- I'm very close to finding the secret of the numbers.
333
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,640
I've narrowed it down to one little boy
334
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,470
who seems more possessed than the others.
335
00:16:33,510 --> 00:16:34,950
- Then deal with him,
336
00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:37,080
and keep it quiet.
337
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,690
Nobody can know that we are working together.
338
00:16:39,820 --> 00:16:41,520
When I become president,
339
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:45,260
I will give you full access to everyone's data.
340
00:16:45,390 --> 00:16:47,520
- I've already spoken with the mother,
341
00:16:47,650 --> 00:16:51,050
and I'm on my way now to face the child.
342
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,290
Is your son home?
343
00:17:19,340 --> 00:17:21,510
- Yes, Mr. Thiel.
344
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:25,000
He's right upstairs.
345
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:45,360
- Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.
346
00:17:45,490 --> 00:17:47,710
I'm here to help our country.
347
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,320
- Uh, OK.
348
00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:52,460
- I came to see you...
349
00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:55,160
in an Uber, Eric.
350
00:17:58,940 --> 00:18:01,900
- Would you like to know how long it took me to get here?
351
00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:05,300
- How long?
352
00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:07,390
- It took...
353
00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:08,870
around six or seven minutes. I'm not really--
354
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,130
No way! No way!
355
00:18:17,660 --> 00:18:20,270
- You know, they're all just a bunch of libtards anyways.
356
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,530
I know what's up. I listen to podcasts.
357
00:18:22,570 --> 00:18:24,530
You wanna know who I think the Antichrist is?
358
00:18:24,580 --> 00:18:26,060
Greta Thunberg.
359
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:28,230
With her stupid haircut and her dumb bangs.
360
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:30,540
Someone should yank out whatever's up her ass.
361
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:33,540
- I can't.
362
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,670
I just can't!
363
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:44,160
- Everything all right, bud?
364
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,640
- No, everything's not all right!
365
00:18:45,770 --> 00:18:47,600
I don't know what I'm doing here!
366
00:18:47,730 --> 00:18:50,250
- You're trying to get with the program, bro!
367
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,130
Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl,
368
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:54,040
now stop acting gay!
369
00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:56,610
- Look, I don't know what you think Christianity is,
370
00:18:56,650 --> 00:18:59,180
but it has nothing to do with that.
371
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,700
- What are you saying?
372
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,830
- I'm saying that you and a lot of other people
373
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,790
seem to have a very warped sense of what Christianity is.
374
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,450
- Are you questioning my faith?
375
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,360
You wanna fucking go?
376
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,670
- No, I don't want to fucking go.
377
00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:14,150
- You got a problem, bro? - No, I don't have a problem.
378
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:16,020
You actually have a problem.
379
00:19:16,060 --> 00:19:17,540
You need a way to bully people
380
00:19:17,630 --> 00:19:19,200
and you're using the Bible to do it.
381
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,510
You like that? Yeah! You want some more?
382
00:19:27,380 --> 00:19:29,290
- I'm not gonna fight you!
383
00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:31,770
- Damn right you won't, 'cause you're a gay little pussy!
384
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:35,300
Yeah, don't come back!
385
00:19:35,430 --> 00:19:37,690
You're gonna get some more, bitch!
386
00:19:39,430 --> 00:19:41,350
Tell me what it means!
387
00:19:44,090 --> 00:19:45,880
- The Lord labored six days
388
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,440
and on the seventh, He rested!
389
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:53,010
- You will tell me the significance!
390
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,670
There's nothing more I can do here.
391
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,630
I have to take him to Washington D.C.
392
00:20:00,670 --> 00:20:04,070
- Washington? Oh, no, he can't travel now.
393
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,900
He's very sick.
394
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:09,900
- Your son is the key to saving our country, Ms. Cartman.
395
00:20:10,030 --> 00:20:12,900
Everything we hold dear could end.
396
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,300
We have to unlock the secrets he holds,
397
00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:18,690
no matter what it takes.
398
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,760
- Fuck yeah, Jesus!
399
00:21:39,510 --> 00:21:41,250
- Let's fucking go, bro!
400
00:21:41,340 --> 00:21:45,730
- Yes, baby! Yes!
29437
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