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1
00:00:11,490 --> 00:00:14,460
Apparently she's busy tonight,
but, uh,
2
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:18,800
on the plus side, that's
the most physical contact
I've had in a month.
3
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,240
Don't feel bad.
I haven't had a date
in forever.
4
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:22,570
You know, none of us have.
5
00:00:22,570 --> 00:00:25,080
It's been six months
since I've been on a date.
6
00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:27,440
And that was with
a total moron.
7
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,380
Oh, stop counting, Joe.
It wasn't you.
8
00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:35,890
When I dated you,
I was the moron.
9
00:00:35,890 --> 00:00:39,460
Personally, I haven't had
any female companionship
10
00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,460
since Bunny left.
11
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,460
Actually, a couple of months
before she left.
12
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:49,370
Hey, come to think of it,
how old is my youngest child?
13
00:00:50,870 --> 00:00:53,440
What a bunch of losers.
14
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,310
As far as I'm concerned,
chicks are like buses.
15
00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:58,910
You miss one,
another one will come along
before you know it.
16
00:00:58,910 --> 00:01:01,480
Your dates are very much
like buses, Roy.
17
00:01:04,050 --> 00:01:05,620
They're loud, they belch smoke
18
00:01:05,620 --> 00:01:08,120
and can be picked up
pretty much on
any street corner.
19
00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:15,430
Well, when my social life
was in a slump, I used to go
down to the Whaling Museum.
20
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,970
Well, I haven't hated myself
yet today. I'll ask.
21
00:01:22,970 --> 00:01:24,270
Why, Fay?
22
00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:27,040
Well, it's simple.
I'd find myself a seat,
23
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,540
take out my knitting,
and sooner or later
24
00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:31,540
some fascinating man
would come over and ask
what I was making.
25
00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:34,540
Uh, usually,
it was just a little sweater
for my wiener dog.
26
00:01:38,650 --> 00:01:40,720
Except for that one time
I got distracted
27
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,220
and made that pair of gloves
with the extra finger.
28
00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:49,230
Well, as--as it happens,
a roll of Lifesavers fit
in there perfectly but
29
00:01:51,230 --> 00:01:54,730
for some reason, whenever
I wore them, people seemed
to get offended.
30
00:01:58,940 --> 00:02:01,500
What's scary is that
she looks so normal.
31
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:12,180
You know, I was just thinking,
since we're all dateless,
32
00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:14,250
why don't you guys
rent a movie
and I'll make us dinner.
33
00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:15,720
You know, at least
it'll be something to do.
34
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,150
All righty. Sure.
Okay.
35
00:02:17,150 --> 00:02:18,660
Antonio, you're invited, too.
36
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:22,430
Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't.
I just made a date.
37
00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:26,030
Great. Well, some other time.
38
00:02:26,030 --> 00:02:29,100
But, just so you know, I also
have a date tomorrow night
and the next.
39
00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:34,270
You're kidding.
How did you manage that?
40
00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:37,070
I joined
The Romance Connection.
41
00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:39,980
And now, for only $149.95,
plus tax,
42
00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:44,980
I too, live in a social
whirlwind of fun filled days
and romantic nights.
43
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,950
You mean
that video dating place?
44
00:02:49,150 --> 00:02:51,760
It's a haven
of the truly desperate.
45
00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:55,830
Maybe, but who's sitting home
with a rented movie
46
00:02:55,830 --> 00:02:57,330
and who's out
pumping up the jam?
47
00:03:00,030 --> 00:03:02,000
Well, it still sounds like
a meat market to me.
48
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,000
No, you just fill out
the questionnaire,
49
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,500
uh, make a video,
look at the other
members' tapes.
50
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,510
I've been picked five times.
51
00:03:11,010 --> 00:03:12,510
I think it's the accent.
52
00:03:13,580 --> 00:03:15,140
How tough are the questions?
53
00:03:17,410 --> 00:03:19,920
They asked me, uh,
"What are your interests?"
54
00:03:20,420 --> 00:03:22,420
"Describe your ideal date."
55
00:03:22,420 --> 00:03:24,920
"Do you really think
that shirt goes
with those pants?"
56
00:03:26,420 --> 00:03:28,390
That kind of thing.
57
00:03:28,390 --> 00:03:30,460
Antonio, you being new here,
58
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:34,200
I can understand
the attraction.
But, uh, for people like us,
59
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,270
people who've been around
for a while, there's
just... There's no way.
60
00:03:37,270 --> 00:03:39,270
I mean, no way
in the world.
61
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:42,870
My name is Helen Chapel.
62
00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:44,940
I've lived on Nantucket
all my life.
63
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:47,410
I'm a pilot for Sandpiper Air.
64
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:50,080
Huh?
65
00:03:51,650 --> 00:03:54,520
Oh, my ideal date?
Well, let's see.
66
00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:56,350
She'd have to be smart.
67
00:03:56,350 --> 00:03:58,920
Sexy. Sexy.
68
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,420
I mean, I know it's, uh,
it's gallant to say
69
00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:04,430
that looks don't count,
but I mean,
who are we kidding?
70
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,630
Well, it would have
to be with a woman.
71
00:04:08,630 --> 00:04:11,630
I think I was
pretty clear about that
on the questionnaire.
72
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,870
INTERVIEWER:
What kind of personality
are you attracted to?
73
00:04:15,870 --> 00:04:17,870
Shy, retiring,
74
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,080
uh, busty.
75
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:25,150
INTERVIEWER:
When they film your life story
who's going to play you?
76
00:04:25,150 --> 00:04:27,220
Franchot Tone.
77
00:04:27,220 --> 00:04:28,420
Goldie Hawn.
78
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:30,890
LeVar Burton.
79
00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:32,390
INTERVIEWER:
Are you a risk taker?
80
00:04:32,390 --> 00:04:33,890
Risk taker?
81
00:04:33,890 --> 00:04:37,390
Well, I'm a pilot
and in my line of work
I try to avoid risk,
82
00:04:37,390 --> 00:04:40,900
but on the other hand
life requires a certain amount
of spontaneity,
83
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:45,400
so I suppose, in a carefully
controlled environment
risk is okay
84
00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:47,400
to a certain extent.
85
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,270
Libra.
86
00:04:49,270 --> 00:04:50,410
Capricorn.
87
00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:51,540
Pisces.
88
00:04:51,540 --> 00:04:55,980
Sign? What sign?
89
00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:59,050
INTERVIEWER:
What would you consider to be
your most negative quality?
90
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,020
Hmm.
91
00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:05,590
Well, people say that, uh,
I laugh like a chipmunk.
92
00:05:05,590 --> 00:05:07,090
(SQUEAKY LAUGH)
93
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:08,620
But I don't think so.
94
00:05:08,620 --> 00:05:10,760
Give--give me a second.
Give me a second.
95
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,330
My most negative quality?
96
00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:15,830
Well, some people think
that I'm a control freak.
97
00:05:15,830 --> 00:05:18,840
But I think that...
No, I don't like
that take either.
98
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,200
We're gonna have
to do it again.
99
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,770
I would say that,
100
00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:26,280
uh, I spend a little
too much time at the gym.
101
00:05:28,310 --> 00:05:30,380
INTERVIEWER:
When is it okay to lie?
102
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,880
When you can't
remember the truth?
103
00:05:35,220 --> 00:05:37,520
It's never okay to lie.
104
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,390
...unless, to tell
the truth would be really
hurting another person.
105
00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:43,460
I guess at the end of the day,
when you're tired, you know.
106
00:05:45,290 --> 00:05:48,260
Sexiest body part? Buns.
107
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:50,070
Eyes.
108
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:53,070
Hey don't-- don't look
at me that way.
109
00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:54,570
You asked.
110
00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:58,840
Chest hair.
111
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,840
Oh, you mean on a woman?
112
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,350
Uh, I'm gonna stay
with my answer.
113
00:06:18,930 --> 00:06:21,500
Fine. Okay, 8:00 tonight.
114
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,000
See you then. Ow.
115
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:25,840
Yeah, I did it.
116
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,770
Made a date
with my dream girl,
117
00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:30,270
the lovely and talented
Barbara 242.
118
00:06:30,270 --> 00:06:33,180
Well, good for you.
I picked Monica 187.
119
00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:34,610
You know, I thought
it was kind of rude
120
00:06:35,110 --> 00:06:38,110
for them to have the women
put their weight
after their names.
121
00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:42,220
But, as long as she's
tall enough,
122
00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:44,720
I think I'm gonna be okay
with Sharon 325.
123
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,960
W-What about you, Helen?
Did you find
somebody interesting?
124
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,400
I think so. Jeffrey 16.
125
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,030
Uh, oh.
126
00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:55,530
Sixteen's a pretty low number.
127
00:06:55,530 --> 00:06:59,540
Sounds like old Jeff's
been sitting on the shelf
for a while, huh?
128
00:06:59,540 --> 00:07:02,540
Uh, so you all got dates
for Saturday night?
Yeah. That's right.
129
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,540
I know something you could do
that might be fun.
130
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:07,640
Oh, now, now, just--just a,
uh, just a second there, Fay.
131
00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,210
It, uh, sounds like you're
gonna tell another story.
132
00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:12,750
Just, uh, go ahead.
133
00:07:16,490 --> 00:07:19,490
Well, anyway b-back
in my stewardess days,
134
00:07:19,490 --> 00:07:21,960
whenever we girls all had
a date on the same night,
135
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,030
we each threw $25 into a hat
136
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:26,030
and then,
at the end of the evening,
we'd all get together
137
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:29,570
and whoever had the worst date
would collect all the money.
138
00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:31,830
Uh, I had a bad streak
in the early '60s
139
00:07:31,830 --> 00:07:34,240
and earned enough
to buy a snowmobile.
140
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,610
Well, what the heck.
That way, uh,
141
00:07:37,610 --> 00:07:39,140
if one of us has
a rotten date,
142
00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:40,410
at least the evening's
not a total loss.
143
00:07:40,410 --> 00:07:42,650
We can meet at
The Club Car around midnight
and compare notes.
144
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,710
Okay, great.
Okay, that may be
a little early.
145
00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:46,720
I mean if things
go really well,
146
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,720
I might not be able
to get there by midnight.
147
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,290
Yeah. We've heard
your snappy repartee.
148
00:07:51,290 --> 00:07:53,320
Just make sure you get us
a good table.
149
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,540
Well, it's after midnight.
Do you think we should wait
on Brian?
150
00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:11,370
Uh-uh, not when there's money
to be won. I want to hear
some stories.
151
00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:14,740
Well, get out your wallets,
boys, 'cause my date
was easily the worst.
152
00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:16,510
Yeah? Where did he take you?
153
00:08:16,510 --> 00:08:18,080
Here.
154
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:21,080
In fact, I'm still on my date.
155
00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:26,590
So, anyway, I-I'm originally
from Texas, you know.
156
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,860
My family moved here
when I was 10.
157
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:31,930
You know, I'll never forget
my first day at school.
158
00:08:31,930 --> 00:08:32,930
I was very embarrassed.
159
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,600
Some water, please.
160
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,370
Hold that thought.
161
00:08:40,870 --> 00:08:43,370
Oh, I'll be back
to get your dessert order
in a jiff.
162
00:08:46,580 --> 00:08:47,910
Now, you were saying?
163
00:08:47,910 --> 00:08:49,680
Jeff, why don't we just
do this another time?
164
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,080
You know, when you have
a night off.
165
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,480
Well, this is my night off.
166
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,480
Like I said,
one of the other guys got sick
and I just had to fill in.
167
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,990
But this'll work out.
Now go ahead with your story.
168
00:08:57,990 --> 00:09:02,160
Really. It--it's fascinating.
169
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,160
Um, okay, well, like I said,
you know, it was my first day
at school
170
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,660
and my teacher took me up
to the front of the class.
171
00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:11,170
She made me stand there
by myself and said,
"Okay tell us about yourself."
172
00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:13,370
Well, you know, me,
with an accent...
Oh, dear.
173
00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:15,470
Oh, I know you can imagine
how humiliated
I must have felt.
174
00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:19,280
No, no, I just remembered,
table eight needs more coffee.
175
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,780
Oh, but don't stop.
This is a great story.
176
00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:24,780
Go on, Helen. I'm listening.
177
00:09:24,780 --> 00:09:26,150
Go ahead.
178
00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:31,690
Well, uh, you know,
there I was standing there
179
00:09:31,690 --> 00:09:34,190
in the front
of the classroom,
all by myself,
180
00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:36,190
my little knees
knocking together.
181
00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:38,930
Oh, it was my worst nightmare.
Uh-huh.
182
00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:42,830
You know, I began to "ain't"
and "cain't" and "y'all"
all over the place.
183
00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:44,700
You know, those people
began to look at me
184
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:46,670
like I had dropped
out of Mars.
185
00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:51,310
Oh, just finish
your vegetables.
186
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,040
Uh, I'm listening.
187
00:09:55,610 --> 00:09:57,110
Jeffrey.
188
00:09:57,110 --> 00:09:58,480
Oh, Helen, I'm having
a great time,
189
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,380
but look I'm falling
a little behind here.
190
00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:01,880
Uh, these people
are waiting on salads
191
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,850
and I've got to pick up
an order in the kitchen, so...
192
00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:05,760
I know,
so let's just do this
another night, okay?
193
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:08,360
No, could you pour
some decaf on table four?
194
00:10:14,930 --> 00:10:17,400
It went on like that
all night.
195
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,300
You're making this up.
You're making this up
to win the bet.
196
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,670
Helen, table nine
is not going
to clear itself.
197
00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:42,060
Okay, Lowell, it's your turn.
198
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:44,090
You couldn't have had
a worse date than mine.
199
00:10:44,090 --> 00:10:46,760
Well, Sharon's
a pretty classy lady.
200
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:50,800
So I wanted to treat her to
an evening that your average
guy wouldn't even think of.
201
00:10:51,830 --> 00:10:52,840
Whoa!
202
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,340
Lowell, stop!
203
00:10:55,340 --> 00:10:56,840
Lowell, I'm going to get sick!
204
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,840
Me, too.
Is this great or what?
205
00:10:59,340 --> 00:11:00,840
Lowell.
206
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,920
Wow, funny,
I thought you'd enjoy that.
207
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,290
Well, I might have
if my head
weren't still throbbing
208
00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:14,290
from when you ran me
into that door jamb.
209
00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:17,690
Oh, right. Sorry.
210
00:11:17,690 --> 00:11:22,460
But on the bright side,
your hair just about covers
that knot on your forehead.
211
00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:26,800
Now let's see, what's next?
I showed you Roy's planes,
the runway,
212
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,510
the ticket counter...
I know, my tools.
213
00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:33,010
Uh, Lowell, stop.
Just slow down.
214
00:11:33,010 --> 00:11:36,950
Oh, right. Kind of
getting ahead of myself.
215
00:11:36,950 --> 00:11:40,480
Tools are more of
a second date activity.
216
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,990
You know Lowell, we've been
here almost two hours and
217
00:11:42,990 --> 00:11:45,490
you've been so busy
rushing around showing me
all this machinery
218
00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:48,990
that we've hardly had
a chance to talk
like normal people.
219
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:51,030
Can't we just talk?
220
00:11:51,030 --> 00:11:54,600
Well, I'm afraid if I start
talking about myself
221
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,000
you won't find me
interesting anymore.
222
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,030
You've got nothing to lose,
Lowell.
223
00:11:59,030 --> 00:12:00,600
I--I mean...
224
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:04,110
I mean, this can't be what
you do on all your dates.
225
00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:08,040
Well, I have a confession,
Sharon.
226
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,350
I haven't been out
on all that many dates.
227
00:12:11,350 --> 00:12:13,980
Do you mean since
your separation?
228
00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:15,490
No, ever.
229
00:12:17,490 --> 00:12:20,990
Bunny was my first date,
and I married her.
230
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,990
After her came, let's see,
it was...
231
00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:26,000
(MUMBLING)
232
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:26,960
You.
233
00:12:29,430 --> 00:12:31,430
That explains a lot.
234
00:12:31,930 --> 00:12:34,140
Come here, Lowell.
Let's sit down for a second.
235
00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,680
You were married.
236
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,480
What did you and your wife
talk about?
237
00:12:43,710 --> 00:12:45,780
Nah, you don't want
to hear about that.
238
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:47,120
No, sure I do.
239
00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:53,460
Well, you know, Bunny and I
had our problems, but, uh,
240
00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:56,490
you know, one thing
we could always talk about
was our kids.
241
00:12:56,490 --> 00:12:59,330
I remember when
Lowell Junior was born.
242
00:13:00,830 --> 00:13:02,830
It's an easy day to remember.
243
00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:04,330
It's his birthday.
244
00:13:09,910 --> 00:13:13,410
I was sitting there
in the fathers' waiting room
when the nurse
245
00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:16,780
brought out the most
beautiful child in the world.
246
00:13:16,780 --> 00:13:21,120
Boy, looked just like
a little angel.
247
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:25,550
He was just so perfect,
his little face.
248
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,560
Then she brought out my son.
249
00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:35,430
But I learned to love him.
250
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:41,840
Aw, I'm probably boring
you with all this stuff.
251
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:45,210
No, no, Lowell.
This is, this is nice.
252
00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:48,710
For the first time
this evening I feel like
I'm getting to know you.
253
00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:52,150
But, unfortunately
it's practically midnight
254
00:13:52,150 --> 00:13:54,220
and I've got
an early morning. So...
255
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:58,490
So, uh, can we maybe see
each other again sometime?
256
00:13:59,290 --> 00:14:00,790
Okay.
257
00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:04,790
But next time, let's start
with the talking and work
our way up to the forklift.
258
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:06,060
Okay.
259
00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:10,470
Well, you're not
going to win the bet
with that date, Lowell.
260
00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:12,400
Just my luck.
261
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:16,970
I go out on a date,
the girl likes me,
I end up having a great time.
262
00:14:16,970 --> 00:14:19,340
Darn!
263
00:14:19,610 --> 00:14:22,610
Well, looks like Brian
is going to miss
the winning story
264
00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:24,650
because I had,
without a doubt,
265
00:14:24,650 --> 00:14:27,680
the weirdest evening
of my entire life.
266
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:32,960
JOE: On her tape,
Monica seemed like a perfectly
normal attractive woman.
267
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,890
The problems started
when I went to pick her up
268
00:14:34,890 --> 00:14:37,430
and she insisted on bringing
along a friend.
269
00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:53,940
Come on, Monica,
you've got to talk
sooner or later.
270
00:14:53,940 --> 00:15:00,150
It won't do you any good.
She's not going to talk.
She never does.
271
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,150
But you talked
on the dating video.
Why not tonight?
272
00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:06,620
It took her months
to get up the courage
to make that tape.
273
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:10,060
Trust me,
the chick's a loser.
274
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,730
Monica,
this was mildly amusing
for the first three hours.
275
00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:17,230
But enough is enough.
276
00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:20,740
The people at the restaurant
thought we were crazy.
277
00:15:20,740 --> 00:15:22,040
Come on, Joe.
278
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:26,040
Take her home,
so you and I
can go party!
279
00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:27,480
I am not talking to you!
280
00:15:27,980 --> 00:15:29,480
You were looking
right at me.
281
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,980
Yeah, well,
that was a mistake.
282
00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:33,480
Now, would you just be quiet
and mind your own business?
283
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,990
Are you trying
to hurt my feelings?
284
00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:38,490
You don't have any feelings!
You're a puppet!
You're made of wood!
285
00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:39,990
Will you just shut up!
286
00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:43,630
What am I saying?
287
00:15:43,990 --> 00:15:46,900
Monica, please,
make her shut up!
288
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,460
(PUPPET CRYING)
289
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:54,470
I was only trying to help.
290
00:15:57,370 --> 00:15:58,910
Come on, Trixie.
291
00:15:58,910 --> 00:16:01,410
Trixie, don't cry.
I'm sorry.
292
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:06,080
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
293
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:08,880
Really, you have no idea
how sorry I am.
294
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:12,120
Then I forgive you.
295
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,120
Thank you. Now, if it's okay,
I'm just going to
take both of you home.
296
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:20,130
Good idea. Miss Tersonality
over there will be asleep
in 20 minutes.
297
00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:23,130
Drive around for a while,
then come back for me.
298
00:16:23,130 --> 00:16:25,330
No, thanks.
299
00:16:25,330 --> 00:16:28,340
Oh, and by the way,
you just said "tersonality."
It's "personality" with "P."
300
00:16:28,340 --> 00:16:29,840
You're not even
very good at this.
301
00:16:39,780 --> 00:16:43,220
Trixie, take your hand
off my thigh.
302
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,060
Gentlemen, we have a winner!
303
00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:51,560
Hand it over, guys.
304
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,060
Stop!
305
00:16:55,630 --> 00:16:58,130
That money is mine!
306
00:17:03,570 --> 00:17:05,440
You're soaking wet!
307
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:09,140
Brian, what happened?
Oh, I've never had anything
like this happen to me,
308
00:17:09,140 --> 00:17:11,680
in my life.
309
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:16,690
Barbara 242 turned out
to be a living, breathing,
harpy from hell.
310
00:17:18,150 --> 00:17:20,190
She's some sort of
stock broker.
311
00:17:20,190 --> 00:17:21,690
Every ten minutes
her beeper went off
312
00:17:21,690 --> 00:17:25,530
and we spent the whole night
tracking down every pay phone
on the island.
313
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:29,330
Come on, let's go, Hoss.
I've got business
to take care of.
314
00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:31,830
Hold your water.
I'll be done in a minute.
315
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:37,310
Can--can--can we please
maybe find another phone?
316
00:17:37,310 --> 00:17:41,210
And while we're doing that,
the Nikkei Index could be
diving like a Kamikaze.
317
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:43,310
I've got to find out
how the yen is doing.
318
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:47,380
Come on! Baby Huey!
You can order your steroids
some other time.
319
00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:51,250
Barb, babe, lighten up.
320
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:54,820
This guy does not look
opposed to taking a life.
Oh, get real.
321
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:57,790
He's just a Neanderthal
with an overactive pituitary!
322
00:17:57,790 --> 00:18:00,330
Let's go, Conan! Give it up.
323
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,100
What's the problem?
324
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,440
No problem.
Yes, there is.
325
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,940
I have a beeper to answer
and every minute you're
on that phone
326
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,580
could be costing me money.
Like I care.
327
00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:18,610
Oh come on, Blondie.
Why don't you just jump
on your scooter
328
00:18:19,110 --> 00:18:20,450
and go look for your neck?
329
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:23,250
You'd better shut her up.
330
00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:24,750
Hey, good luck
on that one, pal.
331
00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:26,220
I've been trying all night.
332
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,720
Just do it.
333
00:18:31,590 --> 00:18:36,160
So, you're just going
to let him push us around?
What kind of man are you?
334
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,870
Let me put it to you this way.
I'm not half the man you are.
335
00:18:40,270 --> 00:18:41,640
(BEEPING)
I need a phone!
336
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,370
Yeah, I think we both know
what you need.
337
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:46,740
Then what am I doing
here with you?
338
00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:50,410
Oh! It's okay.
339
00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:53,750
It's okay.
340
00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:56,320
See, there's-- there's
not a mark on it.
341
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,060
Big mistake.
342
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,900
You're telling me, boy.
I never should have gone
out with her.
343
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,400
So you're gonna repaint
my bike or what?
344
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,710
What, me? No, no, no, she's
the one who kicked the bike
while I was nowhere near it.
345
00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:21,780
Okay, now,
if you're thinking of hurting
someone, I could just
346
00:19:21,780 --> 00:19:23,780
give you her beeper number.
347
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,180
That's very funny.
348
00:19:30,090 --> 00:19:31,090
That's very clever.
349
00:19:31,590 --> 00:19:35,160
See, 'cause I didn't figure
you to be a clever guy,
350
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,460
but I've got to
hand it to you.
You are one clever guy.
351
00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:40,460
Well, actually
you're practically
three clever guys.
352
00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:43,530
Hope you know how to swim.
353
00:19:45,530 --> 00:19:47,940
Joke over. Okay, let's
just talk about this.
354
00:19:47,940 --> 00:19:50,740
(CREAKING)
I know, there's no,
you're not gonna turn that on.
355
00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:58,380
Okay, I was wrong.
I can admit that.
356
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,380
Now, can't we just
talk about this?
357
00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:04,820
Talk?
If I were you,
save your breath.
358
00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:08,320
In about five minutes
you're gonna need it.
359
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,440
Hello, 911?
360
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,940
Yes, I think I'm a potential
drowning victim.
361
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,480
Well, I'm convinced.
362
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,990
No argument here.
Brian wins, hands down.
363
00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:38,050
Hey--hey, wait a minute.
He just got a little wet.
364
00:20:38,050 --> 00:20:40,560
I got groped
by a wooden midget.
365
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,060
Hey, come on, you broke up
with Helen six months ago.
366
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,900
That's it. I changed my vote.
Joe wins.
367
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,400
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
368
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,400
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
369
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,300
Come on,
let's get out of here before
I have to wash dishes.
370
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:56,300
Hey, uh, Brian, I've got
to ask you something.
What?
371
00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:59,310
Couldn't you tell
how annoying Barbara was
from her video?
372
00:20:59,310 --> 00:21:04,810
Well, she looked so good
I didn't want to spoil it,
so I turned the sound off.
373
00:21:04,810 --> 00:21:07,820
I wish I could have
done that tonight.
374
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,820
Lowell was nice enough,
just a little odd.
375
00:21:11,820 --> 00:21:13,820
Well, Brian was a toad.
Really?
376
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,820
A real pantywaist.
377
00:21:15,820 --> 00:21:17,330
(BEEPING)
378
00:21:17,330 --> 00:21:18,690
Oh, I'll be right back.
379
00:21:18,690 --> 00:21:20,760
Hey, Jumping' Jack Flash!
380
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,270
Two more of the same.
Only this time, spill a little
into the glass!
381
00:21:26,770 --> 00:21:28,640
I still can't believe
what happened.
382
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,470
She just walked out
without even saying goodbye.
383
00:21:31,470 --> 00:21:33,040
I guess what they say
is true,
384
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,110
you should never date
people you work with.
385
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,950
TRIXIE: Don't waste
your time talking to her,
she's a dummy.
386
00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:46,760
Excuse me. Did your handbag
just say something?
30809
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