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1
00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:06,560
Helen?
Oh, hi, Fay.
2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:08,590
I was just
enjoying the sights.
Here, take a look.
3
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:11,560
There's still time
left on my quarter.
4
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,730
Oh, you know,
as residents we tend to
5
00:00:13,730 --> 00:00:16,100
take the natural wonders
of this island for granted.
6
00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:17,530
Mmm-hmm.
7
00:00:17,530 --> 00:00:20,600
Is that new baggage handler
a bodybuilder?
8
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,110
Nice buns, huh?
9
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,910
Oh, gosh, I really
hadn't noticed.
10
00:00:24,910 --> 00:00:26,340
(COIN RATTLING)
11
00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:27,780
The time's up?
I'll get another quarter.
12
00:00:27,780 --> 00:00:29,280
Better bring a roll.
13
00:00:32,350 --> 00:00:34,820
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
14
00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:50,660
Announcing the arrival
of Sandpiper Air flight 7
from Boston.
15
00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:53,030
We welcome visitors
to our lovely Nantucket,
16
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:57,170
where a foot of beach
is lost to the sea
every 12 months.
17
00:01:57,170 --> 00:01:59,470
That means in roughly
20,000 years,
18
00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:02,040
your favorite secluded cove
19
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,540
or quaint little
bed and breakfast
20
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,410
will cease to exist.
21
00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:07,980
So, enjoy our beaches
while you can
22
00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:09,980
and keep
an eye on the little ones.
23
00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:13,050
Joe, Joe.
24
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,050
You know what tomorrow is,
don't you, huh?
25
00:02:15,050 --> 00:02:16,050
South Carolina
26
00:02:16,050 --> 00:02:19,260
and the golfing adventure
of a lifetime!
27
00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:20,820
I am pumped!
Are you pumped?
28
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,530
Joe, you don't look pumped.
29
00:02:24,530 --> 00:02:26,400
Brian, I love to play golf,
30
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,900
but I don't know
about this, man.
31
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:29,430
A whole weekend
away from work is...
32
00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:30,470
Hey, hey, hey!
Work is covered!
33
00:02:30,470 --> 00:02:32,400
I've got everything
under control.
34
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,270
So relax, okay?
Joe, Joe, Joe, picture it.
35
00:02:35,270 --> 00:02:37,840
A luxury condo
at Turtle Shoals Resort.
36
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,340
(IMITATING SOUND OF
TEE SHOT)
37
00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:41,340
Closest you ever came
to a golf course that good
38
00:02:41,340 --> 00:02:43,350
was a forced landing
on the sixth fairway
39
00:02:43,350 --> 00:02:45,350
at the Boston Country Club.
40
00:02:45,350 --> 00:02:48,180
I've never seen plaid scatter
that fast in my life.
41
00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:51,520
Yeah, you're right.
This might be good for me,
42
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,990
and I'm trying
to stop worrying, so...
43
00:02:52,990 --> 00:02:53,990
That's my boy!
44
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:55,990
But, I am
mildly concerned
45
00:02:55,990 --> 00:02:57,990
about where the money
for this trip is coming from.
46
00:02:57,990 --> 00:02:59,560
Well, Joe,
I--I have told you already.
47
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,500
My friend from Aruba
finally came through with
the money that he owed me.
48
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:03,870
Friend, Brian?
49
00:03:03,870 --> 00:03:05,300
Friend! Bookie!
50
00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:06,740
In his language
it's the same word.
51
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:08,740
Anyway, you know me,
I'm not a saver.
52
00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:11,210
I figure, who better
to spend it on
than my big brother
53
00:03:11,210 --> 00:03:12,240
who's always been
there for me.
54
00:03:12,740 --> 00:03:15,880
So just consider this weekend
payback time.
55
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:19,420
All right, here's the deal.
No wheelies in the golf cart,
56
00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:21,680
no exploding golf balls
and you'll leave the air horn
at home.
57
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:22,890
Agreed.
All right.
58
00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:24,390
Yes!
I'm going.
59
00:03:28,220 --> 00:03:29,690
(STAMMERING)
Oh, he's just happy
60
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,190
because we're going away
together for the weekend.
61
00:03:34,660 --> 00:03:36,100
Never mind.
62
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,840
Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
63
00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:41,470
Excuse me, I--I believe
Roy has sprung a leak.
64
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,740
Heard about your little,
uh, golfing weekend, Hackett.
65
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,240
I'm coming along.
66
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:51,150
Thanks, Roy,
but it's too showy
if we bring our own caddy.
67
00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:52,850
Yeah, well, you're
taking me, Hackett,
68
00:03:52,850 --> 00:03:55,620
you're taking me
'cause I'm onto
your little scam.
69
00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:58,590
You're not treating
your brother
to any vacation.
70
00:03:58,590 --> 00:04:00,620
This whole weekend is
one of those free promotions
71
00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:03,660
to sell timeshare condos
and isn't costing you a dime.
72
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,660
So, am I going with you
or, uh, do I spill the beans?
73
00:04:07,660 --> 00:04:10,070
Hey, Roy, you don't
wanna come with us.
74
00:04:10,070 --> 00:04:11,630
Why don't you
just go on your own?
75
00:04:11,630 --> 00:04:14,200
I can't, I've been
to Turtle Shoals twice
under my own name
76
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,710
and their computers
have me blacklisted.
77
00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:19,480
All right, all right,
you're in.
78
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,210
But think about this,
Roy.
79
00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:24,780
Those timeshare hucksters
are the lowest scum on Earth,
80
00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:26,480
and even they don't want you.
81
00:04:28,580 --> 00:04:30,150
(PLAYING SCALES)
82
00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:34,090
I didn't know
you played guitar,
Antonio.
83
00:04:34,090 --> 00:04:36,260
Ah, I only started
a few months ago.
84
00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:38,190
Hmm. Can you
play us something?
85
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:40,760
Well, there is one
American folk song
86
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,270
I used to hear in Italy.
87
00:04:42,270 --> 00:04:45,140
For years it was
the only English I knew.
88
00:04:45,130 --> 00:04:46,940
Hmm. Well, play that.
89
00:04:50,510 --> 00:04:53,140
(HUMMING
MICHAEL ROW THE BOAT ASHORE)
90
00:04:53,140 --> 00:04:54,210
Oh, yeah.
91
00:04:55,810 --> 00:04:59,820
My goat knows
the bowling score
92
00:04:59,820 --> 00:05:04,990
Hallelujah
93
00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:08,290
My goat knows
the bowling score
94
00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:09,960
Excuse me.
95
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,030
Uh, I think it's
96
00:05:12,030 --> 00:05:14,530
"Michael row
the boat ashore."
97
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:17,700
Get out.
98
00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:24,240
The meaning, it changes,
but...
99
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,740
Okay, I try it your way.
100
00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:34,050
Michael
row the boat ashore
101
00:05:34,050 --> 00:05:35,620
Hallelujah
102
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,620
(COINS RATTLING)
103
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:40,220
That--That man,
he dropped his money.
104
00:05:40,690 --> 00:05:42,130
No, no, no.
Antonio, that's for you.
105
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,030
He liked what he heard.
The money's like a tip.
106
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:47,300
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
107
00:05:50,330 --> 00:05:54,400
Sid's new hair
is in the mail
108
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,410
Hallelujah
109
00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:04,080
You know, I wish
more people could have
110
00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:06,580
the experience
of flying Sandpiper.
111
00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:08,080
Hey, thanks, Roy.
112
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,090
Yeah, if everyone could take
a ride in this cheese box,
113
00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:11,090
my business would triple.
114
00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:14,690
You know, we didn't
have to bring a fourth.
115
00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:16,660
Yeah, I know,
but if we left it up
to the golf course,
116
00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:19,700
they'd just fill out
our foursome with some
obnoxious cretin.
117
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:21,700
(POPS BAG)
118
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,970
This way
we bring our own.
119
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:25,770
I don't care.
I'm not letting Roy
ruin this for me.
120
00:06:26,270 --> 00:06:28,300
I'm really looking forward
to this weekend.
121
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:31,210
Ah! Stepping up
to the first tee
at the crack of dawn,
122
00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:32,710
the dew on the fairway,
123
00:06:32,710 --> 00:06:35,680
and beating you like
a drum for, what,
124
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,710
the 16th time
in a row?
125
00:06:37,710 --> 00:06:40,180
Hey, your streak ends
today, Chi Chi!
126
00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:42,480
Oh, yeah, yeah, we'll see.
127
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:45,050
Well, I finally made
my decision.
128
00:06:45,050 --> 00:06:46,990
Gonna tee off with Ed, here.
129
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,530
Ed?
You named your golf ball?
130
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:54,600
Yeah, named all of 'em.
131
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,600
I, uh, haven't had
a lot of luck
with conventional pets.
132
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,270
Lowell, why on earth...
Joe, Joe, stop.
133
00:07:01,770 --> 00:07:05,280
Heed the warning signs.
You're about to enter
Lowell's world.
134
00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:08,850
Yeah, they all live
together happily
135
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,810
in their handy-dandy,
air-tight plastic bag.
136
00:07:11,810 --> 00:07:15,180
Aren't you afraid
your little friends
will suffocate?
137
00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:18,750
Earth to Roy,
they're just golf balls.
138
00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:20,760
See, if I press
the flaps together,
139
00:07:21,260 --> 00:07:22,760
then the stripe
turns orange
140
00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,260
and I know that
it's locked tight
as a drum.
141
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:30,270
I'm not even looking
and I can tell
it's not orange.
142
00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:32,700
So, let's agree right now.
When we get to Turtle Shoals,
143
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,200
we'll go straight
to the golf course
144
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,140
and skip the high-pressure
sales pitch, okay?
145
00:07:36,140 --> 00:07:37,540
Shut--Shut up, Roy!
What sales pitch?
146
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,040
What is the big deal,
Hackett?
147
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,540
We're gonna land
in 20 minutes.
148
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,050
He'll find out then
anyway.
149
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,050
Wait. I said, I said
what sales pitch?
150
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:46,550
The condo sales pitch,
Hackett.
151
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,350
Haven't you figured
this out yet?
152
00:07:48,350 --> 00:07:51,420
This whole thing is
just a sales promotion.
153
00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:52,920
Now, wait a minute.
154
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,430
You mean to tell me
this whole thing
isn't costing you a cent?
155
00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:57,430
By Jove, you cracked
the case, Sherlock.
156
00:07:57,930 --> 00:08:00,200
Oh! That's great, Brian.
157
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,570
You know,
the whole thing was a lie.
"Payback weekend."
158
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,470
Some guy from Aruba.
159
00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:06,500
Okay, okay, okay.
160
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,000
But it was the only way
I could get you to take
this vacation
161
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,310
which I think
even you would admit
you need desperately.
162
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:11,910
I just took a vacation.
163
00:08:12,170 --> 00:08:16,250
You went to a symposium
on wing de-icing
in Teaneck, New Jersey.
164
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,410
Look, we have no intention
of buying anything.
165
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:20,420
Oh, what are they
gonna do if they catch us,
166
00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:23,390
drive golf tees
under our fingernails?
167
00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:25,350
Don't ask me how,
but I happen to know
168
00:08:25,350 --> 00:08:27,690
that hurts like
nobody's business.
169
00:08:29,530 --> 00:08:32,660
Roy, I--I don't know,
it still...
It feels dishonest.
170
00:08:32,660 --> 00:08:34,160
Hackett, let me explain
something to you.
171
00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:36,170
Most of the people
that go to these things
172
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:38,670
are along for the free ride,
just like us.
173
00:08:38,670 --> 00:08:40,170
But we serve
a purpose.
174
00:08:40,170 --> 00:08:42,170
We make the place
look so popular
175
00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:46,180
that they can sucker
the other dolts into
actually buying.
176
00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:47,680
Well, you know,
if you look at it that way,
177
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,650
I guess we're actually
doing them a favor.
Yes.
178
00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:51,580
Not to mention the fact
that Golf Monthly rated it
179
00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:53,580
one of the top ten courses
on the Eastern Seaboard.
180
00:08:53,580 --> 00:08:55,580
I like the way
this man thinks!
All right.
181
00:08:55,580 --> 00:08:56,590
Okay, here's the deal.
182
00:08:56,590 --> 00:08:58,590
When we get there,
we drop off our bags,
183
00:08:58,590 --> 00:08:59,590
we get onto the course,
184
00:08:59,590 --> 00:09:01,590
and if we hustle we can
squeeze in 36 holes today.
185
00:09:01,590 --> 00:09:03,090
(WHOOPING)
Fore!
186
00:09:03,090 --> 00:09:04,090
Yeah, now you're talking!
Now you're talking!
187
00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,600
Okay.
Hey, guys,
188
00:09:05,590 --> 00:09:08,600
I'm having a heck of a time
gathering up these balls.
189
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,030
Gotcha, Lowell.
Maybe this'll help.
190
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:15,940
LOWELL: Thank you.
191
00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:25,450
Hey, Roy!
192
00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:27,450
Roy!
193
00:09:27,450 --> 00:09:30,450
Hurry up and get changed,
will you?
194
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:32,390
Be lucky if we can
get in nine holes as it is.
195
00:09:32,390 --> 00:09:33,820
Thanks to you.
196
00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:36,390
How was I supposed to know
they'd confiscate our clubs
in the lobby
197
00:09:36,390 --> 00:09:39,330
and herd us off
to a three-hour
sales presentation?
198
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:40,400
Four hours.
Four hours!
199
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,330
Four hours, Brian.
200
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:46,200
It made me nostalgic
for that time I passed
a kidney stone.
201
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,340
I apologize, okay?
Yeah, okay, fine, yeah.
202
00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:50,170
And while on the list
of things you need to
apologize for,
203
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,670
let's start with this room.
204
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:54,240
Four people in a one-room
condo? How luxurious.
205
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,710
The guy lied to me
over the phone!
206
00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:58,080
He told me I was gonna
get two of 'em!
207
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:01,420
What kind of knucklehead
believes a timeshare salesman?
208
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,750
Hey! Were you guys
as blown away
209
00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:05,750
by that sales presentation
as I was?
210
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,430
Just think,
eight short months ago,
211
00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:12,930
this was nothing
but lush forest
and wetland preserve.
212
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,800
I was so impressed,
I'm actually considering
213
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,300
selling my boat and buying
one of these condos.
214
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:22,570
Lowell, then you'd only have
a place to live two weeks
out of the year.
215
00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:25,640
Yes, Joe, but I could
do enough living
in those two weeks
216
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,640
to make up
for the other 40.
217
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,620
How you look
on the course
218
00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:42,730
is just as important
as how you play.
219
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:46,000
My guess is you do
both equally well.
220
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,860
You can count on it.
Now, let's hit the links.
221
00:10:48,860 --> 00:10:50,730
We've wasted enough time
here already.
222
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:53,040
Hey, uh, excuse me.
I don't wanna hear another
word out of you, okay?
223
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,540
You've been here twice.
224
00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:56,940
Why didn't you tell us
that the salesmen were
gonna kidnap us?
225
00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:58,510
Ah, must be some new policy.
226
00:10:58,510 --> 00:11:00,010
Probably too many people
scamming 'em.
227
00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:02,510
Isn't that always the way?
228
00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:05,250
A few free-loaders ruin it
for the rest of us.
229
00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:07,780
Looks like
it's clouding up.
230
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:09,820
Oh, would you stop
worrying, Joe!
231
00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:12,320
This is the South.
It's humid.
232
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,820
(RAIN POURING)
233
00:11:18,830 --> 00:11:20,330
I've never
seen it this humid.
234
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,010
TV ANNOUNCER:
And in the Carolinas,
Tropical Storm Dwayne
235
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:36,510
continues to pound
the coastal areas.
236
00:11:38,010 --> 00:11:39,250
Dwayne?
237
00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:41,820
We are being pounded
by a storm named Dwayne?
238
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,820
Whatever happened to
giving these things
239
00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:46,820
macho names like "Roy"?
240
00:11:48,590 --> 00:11:50,160
Or appropriate names
like "Brian."
241
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,160
Something that cuts a swath
of misery and destruction
242
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,160
everywhere it goes.
243
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:56,630
BRIAN: Fore!
244
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,640
Ooh! That was a miracle shot!
245
00:12:02,570 --> 00:12:04,740
Hackett's ball was
wedged between
246
00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:06,240
the toilet seat
and the tank.
247
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:07,740
But he really
blasted it out of there.
248
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:10,250
If he gets to
the garbage disposal in one,
249
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:12,250
he has a chance
of breaking par.
250
00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:14,720
(GLASS SHATTERING)
251
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,220
That's it!
252
00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:20,220
I've had enough.
253
00:12:20,220 --> 00:12:22,730
I came 950 miles to play golf
254
00:12:22,730 --> 00:12:25,230
and, damn it,
that is what I intend to do.
255
00:12:25,730 --> 00:12:28,430
Roy, you can't play golf
in weather like this.
256
00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:30,200
Well, you debutantes
can stay in here
257
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,200
and enjoy
your tea party.
258
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,200
Us real men are going out
onto the golf course.
259
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,140
Lowell, you coming?
260
00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:40,640
I'd really rather stay here
at the tea party, Roy.
261
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:43,650
Ah, well,
who needs you?
262
00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:48,720
Uh, he'll be okay,
263
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:50,020
just as long as
we don't get any...
264
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,590
(THUNDER CRACKING)
265
00:12:51,590 --> 00:12:53,420
Whoa! Wow!
You see that?
266
00:12:53,420 --> 00:12:54,860
Roy's walking around
on a wet fairway
267
00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:56,930
carrying a bag
full of lightning rods.
268
00:12:56,930 --> 00:12:58,260
We gotta do something!
269
00:12:58,260 --> 00:13:01,960
I am. I'm looking for
Lowell's video camera.
270
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,870
There he is,
he dove into a sand trap!
271
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,700
Hey, Roy!
Get down!
272
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,400
Crawl on your belly
this way!
273
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:11,840
Remember, lightning always
strikes the highest point!
274
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,810
Keep your butt down, Roy!
Keep your butt down!
275
00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:22,020
You take
those wet clothes off
276
00:13:22,020 --> 00:13:23,950
before you set foot
in this house, mister.
277
00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:32,160
(COINS CLINKING)
Michael
row the boat ashore
278
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,200
Thank you.
279
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:37,170
Hallelujah
280
00:13:37,170 --> 00:13:38,170
Thank you.
281
00:13:38,170 --> 00:13:41,640
Michael
row the boat ashore
282
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,110
Bless you.
283
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:45,170
Michael's been rowing
that boat ashore
284
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:46,680
for two freaking days.
285
00:13:48,180 --> 00:13:50,180
But he never really
gets anywhere, does he?
286
00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:51,680
He just keeps
rowin' the boat,
287
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,180
rowin' the boat.
288
00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:55,180
Oh, sure,
the River Jordan's
chilly and wide,
289
00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:56,690
but it's a river.
It ends.
290
00:13:57,190 --> 00:13:59,190
Does this song? No!
291
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:02,560
The passengers
seem to like it.
292
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:03,890
Of course they do.
293
00:14:03,890 --> 00:14:05,890
They're all going somewhere.
They only hear it once.
294
00:14:05,890 --> 00:14:08,200
I don't know
how you stand it, Fay.
295
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,970
I've found that aspirin helps.
296
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:13,100
Yeah, I tried that.
I still have a headache.
297
00:14:13,570 --> 00:14:15,540
Well, try putting them
in your ears.
298
00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:21,810
Iced tea, please.
I'm taking five.
299
00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:23,380
You sure I can't get
you some lunch?
300
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:25,380
How about a nice big
starchy meal
301
00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:27,380
followed by
a nap until closing?
302
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,520
Uh, just the tea.
I'll eat after the gig.
303
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,930
I don't suppose
you know another song?
304
00:14:36,930 --> 00:14:40,160
Well, uh, I have been
composing a new song
305
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,930
about my trip to America.
306
00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:43,730
That might be a nice change.
307
00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:45,970
Why don't you sing
that for us?
308
00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:47,940
Wow! My first request.
309
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:53,480
Ladies and gentlemen,
310
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,980
uh, I would like to slow
things down a little bit.
311
00:15:07,020 --> 00:15:10,530
Antonio comes to the USA
312
00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:13,530
Hallelujah
313
00:15:17,530 --> 00:15:20,870
Oh, this'll quit soon,
it's just a drizzle.
314
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:22,940
They don't name drizzles, Joe.
315
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,010
Gentlemen, we have fire.
316
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:30,510
Just think, those words
were first grunted
317
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:33,020
by primitive man
10,000 years ago.
318
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,020
Ouch!
319
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:39,020
I think a bug or something
bit me on the back of my head.
320
00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:40,820
Can you see anything, Brian?
321
00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:43,390
Oh, God, is this depressing.
322
00:15:43,390 --> 00:15:45,390
I'm actually bored enough
to take a look.
323
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,400
(COUGHING)
324
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,400
You know...
325
00:15:56,370 --> 00:15:59,810
LOWELL: Originally,
fire provided not only heat,
326
00:15:59,810 --> 00:16:04,310
but protection and community
for our Neanderthal forebears.
327
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:06,350
We've come a long way
since then.
328
00:16:08,180 --> 00:16:09,650
Maybe not.
329
00:16:09,650 --> 00:16:12,090
I'll be darned if I can
find anything, Lowell,
330
00:16:12,090 --> 00:16:14,090
but, uh, I don't think a trip
to the dermatologist would be
331
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:15,590
a waste of your time.
332
00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:19,730
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
333
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:21,800
What is he using,
a Waterpik?
334
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:31,270
That is definitely
not a Waterpik.
335
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:35,010
(WHISTLING)
336
00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:37,410
Roy, uh, what were you
just doing in there?
337
00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:39,380
Just mind your own business,
Hackett.
338
00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:40,880
I know what I need
to get to sleep.
339
00:16:45,790 --> 00:16:48,290
I used to be curious.
Now, I'm just scared.
340
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:51,060
Okay, sleeping arrangements.
341
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:52,560
I figure since there's
four of us
342
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:53,930
and only one bed,
we could draw straws...
343
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,360
Oh! Too late.
344
00:16:56,930 --> 00:16:58,370
JOE: Hey, Roy! Roy!
345
00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,170
There's four of us.
How come you get the bed?
346
00:17:00,470 --> 00:17:02,500
You're right.
I'm being selfish.
347
00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:05,540
Somebody wanna
share with me?
348
00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:09,180
You and me, sofa bed.
349
00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:10,650
Deal.
350
00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:11,650
Oh, oh, Lowell.
I'm sorry.
Did you wanna...
351
00:17:11,650 --> 00:17:13,150
No, you guys
go ahead.
352
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:15,650
I'll just take
the chaise lounge
out here.
353
00:17:18,150 --> 00:17:19,690
You're gonna sleep
out in that?
354
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:22,120
Ah, it's under
the overhang.
355
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,060
You forget,
I live on a boat.
356
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:26,560
A little weather
won't bother Lowell Mather.
357
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,500
Night.
358
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,870
(WIND HOWLING)
359
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,340
BRIAN: What's it
doing out there?
360
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:41,880
Uh, the wind's
freshening a bit.
361
00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:51,120
(GROANING)
362
00:17:56,390 --> 00:17:58,890
(ROY SNORING)
363
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,100
It just doesn't get
any better than this.
364
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,610
He'll stop.
365
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:11,110
The trick is to
get him to roll over
without waking him up.
366
00:18:11,110 --> 00:18:13,110
No, no, no.
Let me do it.
367
00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:15,610
This requires a certain
amount of finesse.
368
00:18:19,350 --> 00:18:20,850
(STOPS SNORING)
369
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:23,920
Nice shot!
You hit him!
370
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,420
Try throwing a shoe at Roy
and not hitting him.
371
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,290
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
372
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:51,180
What was it?
373
00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:53,750
It's hard to describe.
374
00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:57,250
But it made my eyelids
flap like a window shade.
375
00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:11,200
(LAUGHING)
376
00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:13,200
Hey, Joe.
377
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,710
You and I haven't slept
in the same room
378
00:19:16,710 --> 00:19:18,710
since
we were kids, remember?
379
00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:20,210
Oh, yeah,
the bunk beds.
380
00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:22,210
(LAUGHING)
Yeah.
381
00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:24,480
You in the top,
me in the bottom.
382
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,050
(SNORING)
383
00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:29,920
Dog in the hallway
coughing up a chicken bone.
384
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,920
Brian, the sooner
we go to sleep,
385
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,920
the sooner this day
will be over.
386
00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:38,930
You're saying
a little cuddling's
out of the question?
387
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:41,900
Good night.
388
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:42,900
(ROY SNORING)
389
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:52,570
(ALARM BEEPING)
390
00:19:53,410 --> 00:19:55,240
JOE: What the hell is that?
391
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,310
Smoke alarm.
Out of my way.
392
00:20:08,020 --> 00:20:09,530
Nice follow through.
393
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,390
Lowell, did it occur to you
to open the flue?
394
00:20:11,690 --> 00:20:12,760
Yes, it did, Joe,
395
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,760
the minute I heard
the smoke alarm.
396
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,370
All right, we've got to get
the smoke out of here.
397
00:20:17,870 --> 00:20:19,370
(COUGHING)
398
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:29,950
(SIGHING)
399
00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:34,180
Lowell, quit sulking.
400
00:20:34,180 --> 00:20:37,190
We don't care if you forgot
to pack your bathtime buddies.
401
00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:39,020
There is no way
we are going back for 'em.
402
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:42,460
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER:
Nevada-one-two-one-papa-papa,
this is Nantucket Tower.
403
00:20:42,460 --> 00:20:44,460
You're cleared
for final approach.
404
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,460
Nevada-one-two-one-
papa-papa, roger.
405
00:20:46,460 --> 00:20:47,460
Thank God!
406
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:48,960
Made this approach
thousands of times.
407
00:20:49,460 --> 00:20:51,470
I've never been
this anxious to touch down.
408
00:20:51,470 --> 00:20:54,270
Ditto. I wanna get
as far away from you people
as I possibly can.
409
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,040
What's the difference, Roy?
410
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,870
We'd still be able to
hear you snoring from
the other side of the island.
411
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,880
I don't mind leaving
the duck behind.
412
00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:04,880
But when I think
of some stranger
413
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,880
with his hands
on Mr. Squishy,
414
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,890
it just tears me apart.
415
00:21:09,890 --> 00:21:10,890
Oh, shut up, Lowell.
Shut up!
416
00:21:10,890 --> 00:21:12,350
Leave him alone,
leave him alone.
417
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:14,360
I don't wanna leave...
Why don't you shut up?
418
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,860
Don't you tell
my brother to shut up!
419
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:18,860
I'll tell anybody...
You're the one that
got us into this, Hackett!
420
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,860
Everyone, shut up!
421
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:24,230
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER:
Nevada-one-two-one-papa-papa,
go around, go around,
422
00:21:24,230 --> 00:21:26,740
you're no longer
cleared for landing.
423
00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:28,240
Tower,
what's the problem?
424
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,240
Some crazy woman
is out on the runway
425
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,240
chasing after a man
with a guitar.
31661
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