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1
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:06,860
I guess I was 18
2
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:09,860
when I knew insurance
was going to be my life.
3
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,860
God, I love it.
4
00:00:11,860 --> 00:00:13,860
Just the other day,
I was talking to this guy,
5
00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:15,870
40 years old,
married, two kids,
6
00:00:15,870 --> 00:00:19,370
wants a $50,000
universal life policy.
7
00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:21,870
Well, I said to him,
"My friend, you're a smoker,
8
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:23,870
"your family has
a history of heart disease
9
00:00:23,870 --> 00:00:25,880
"and you're in
a high-risk occupation."
10
00:00:26,380 --> 00:00:28,380
I mean, according
to my actuarial table,
11
00:00:28,380 --> 00:00:29,380
this guy is...
12
00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:32,880
Hey! Okay!
Okay! Okay!
13
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:33,880
(PANTING)
14
00:00:35,890 --> 00:00:37,390
Sorry. You know,
15
00:00:37,390 --> 00:00:39,290
you--you get me
talking about insurance,
16
00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:41,690
I just lose myself.
17
00:00:41,690 --> 00:00:43,490
Hey, who doesn't, huh?
Yeah.
18
00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:51,470
By the way,
19
00:00:51,470 --> 00:00:53,470
what company carries
the policy on your plane?
20
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,970
You know,
I'll bet their rate on
a million dollar comprehensive
21
00:00:55,970 --> 00:00:57,470
can't compare
to the rate that I...
22
00:00:57,470 --> 00:00:58,470
Hey!
23
00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:03,880
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
24
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,640
Are you sure?
25
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,650
D-D-Did you see
identification?
26
00:02:11,180 --> 00:02:14,520
Okay. Okay, then.
It must be true. Uh-huh.
27
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,520
(WHISTLES)
28
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,050
So, did you find out
who they are?
29
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:19,020
Walter says they're
Secret Service agents.
30
00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:21,060
Secret Service?
31
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,030
They're here doing
a security check
on the airport.
32
00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:25,860
You know, I forget.
Uh, after they do
a strip search,
33
00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:28,800
should you tip them
or will a simple smile
suffice?
34
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,300
(PHONE RINGING)
35
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,740
You know, my father was
in the Secret Service.
36
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:34,240
Really?
37
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,740
No, wait.
That's not right.
38
00:02:36,210 --> 00:02:38,210
Oh, he lied to stay
out of the service
39
00:02:38,210 --> 00:02:40,210
and I'm supposed
to keep it a secret.
40
00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:44,110
(STAMMERING)
Why are they here?
41
00:02:44,110 --> 00:02:46,650
Air Force One
is landing here next week
42
00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:48,150
on the way to Kennebunkport.
43
00:02:48,150 --> 00:02:51,150
This is the political
opportunity of a lifetime.
44
00:02:51,150 --> 00:02:53,660
I'm gonna have my picture
taken with the President.
45
00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:57,630
If I can just get
to touch Mrs. Bush,
my streak will continue.
46
00:02:57,630 --> 00:02:59,330
What are you
babbling about?
47
00:02:59,330 --> 00:03:02,060
Uh, well,
I've touched every First Lady
in the last 50 years.
48
00:03:02,570 --> 00:03:03,900
It--It all started
when I was a toddler.
49
00:03:04,130 --> 00:03:06,600
My father took me to hear
President Roosevelt speak,
50
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,110
and his wife, Eleanor,
patted me on the head,
51
00:03:09,110 --> 00:03:10,940
and I've touched
every First Lady since then.
52
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,180
Mamie Eisenhower?
53
00:03:12,180 --> 00:03:13,140
Touched her.
54
00:03:13,140 --> 00:03:14,980
Bess Truman?
Touched her.
55
00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:16,050
Pat Nixon?
56
00:03:16,050 --> 00:03:17,410
Touched her.
57
00:03:17,410 --> 00:03:19,380
Well, I accidentally
knocked her down
in the process,
58
00:03:19,380 --> 00:03:20,880
but that counts.
59
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,620
Fay, Gail and I are gonna
go into town for lunch,
all right?
60
00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:26,620
Okay. Uh, Joe,
61
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,630
did you hear
who's coming
to Nantucket?
62
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:29,630
Yes, I did.
63
00:03:29,630 --> 00:03:31,290
You know
what this means
for me, don't you?
64
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:33,260
Yeah. Another entry
in your FBI file.
65
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,770
Say, Joe,
I went to
gas up the plane.
66
00:03:37,770 --> 00:03:40,770
Uh, Steve Tolman said
no more fuel
till you pay the bill.
67
00:03:40,770 --> 00:03:42,270
Steve Tolman?
What happened to Bob?
68
00:03:42,270 --> 00:03:43,770
He always lets us
slide on our bill.
69
00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:46,280
They fired him
for letting everyone
slide on their bill.
70
00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:48,280
Oh. Uh, honey,
I'll be back in a minute.
71
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,250
I've got to
straighten this out.
72
00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:53,680
(AIRCRAFT ENGINE WHIRRING)
73
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:55,180
(PHONE RINGING)
74
00:03:58,690 --> 00:03:59,690
(SIGHS)
75
00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:02,460
Hi, Helen.
76
00:04:02,460 --> 00:04:03,960
Hi, Gail.
77
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,460
How are you?
78
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,330
Fine.
79
00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:12,440
Why are
these moments between us
always so uncomfortable?
80
00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:14,970
(SIGHING) I don't know.
I guess it's because
81
00:04:14,970 --> 00:04:17,970
I'm Joe's ex
and you're his "why?"
82
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,610
Why?
83
00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:27,620
I don't know. Maybe because
he got tired of looking
at the top of your head.
84
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,920
Hey, I'm short, you know?
There's no denying it.
85
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,990
Oh. Those are
really cute shoes.
86
00:04:37,990 --> 00:04:40,500
You know, sometimes
they don't come
in the larger sizes.
87
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,430
Ah, the subtle humor
of a fry cook.
88
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,540
At least I work
for a living.
89
00:04:47,540 --> 00:04:49,440
Well, you've got a point.
90
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,270
Investigative journalism
is really more of a career.
91
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,450
Oh, right. I read
your last article,
92
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,950
"Breezy Bermuda:
Jewel of the Atlantic."
93
00:04:57,950 --> 00:05:01,450
Tsk, just where are you
going to put the Pulitzer?
94
00:05:01,450 --> 00:05:03,450
I can't expect you
to understand the process.
95
00:05:03,950 --> 00:05:05,460
But that started out
as a serious piece
96
00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:07,560
and my editor did
a hatchet job on it.
97
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,060
Is that the same guy
that does your hair?
98
00:05:13,030 --> 00:05:15,030
Big talk from someone
whose roots are blacker
99
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:16,530
than Alex Haley's.
100
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:20,740
You pig!
101
00:05:20,740 --> 00:05:22,710
How dare you!
102
00:05:22,710 --> 00:05:25,210
Oh, like that's
the first time
you've heard that today.
103
00:05:25,740 --> 00:05:26,740
GAIL: No, just
the first time
104
00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:28,680
from someone with
a trailer park accent.
105
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,050
That's it!
106
00:05:30,550 --> 00:05:32,550
(WOMEN SHOUTING)
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Wait! Wait!
107
00:05:32,550 --> 00:05:33,550
What is
going on here?
108
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:34,550
Did you hear
what she said to me?
109
00:05:35,050 --> 00:05:36,050
I'm gonna
knock your butt off!
110
00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:37,820
Anytime, half-pint!
Anytime!
111
00:05:37,820 --> 00:05:39,590
Let me go!
Let me go, Joe.
Let me go.
112
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:40,590
Give me
a hand here.
113
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,060
(GIGGLING)
114
00:05:44,030 --> 00:05:45,530
What the hell
was going on
out there?
115
00:05:46,030 --> 00:05:47,030
Joe! Hey, why are you
pickin' on me?
116
00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:49,030
Why don't you
drag Bigfoot in here?
117
00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:50,970
Helen,
knock it off.
118
00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:52,470
This bologna
between you and Gail
has got to stop.
119
00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:55,040
Why are you blaming me?
She's the one egging it on.
120
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,540
You just don't see that
'cause you're in love.
121
00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:59,980
Now, listen.
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
122
00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:02,480
You two are the most
important women in my life.
123
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,750
But this constant bickering
is driving me crazy.
124
00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:08,620
Gail is not
gonna go away.
125
00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:12,190
So you have got
to make an effort
to be civil to her.
126
00:06:12,190 --> 00:06:13,660
Or what?
127
00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:14,690
Or...
128
00:06:16,190 --> 00:06:18,530
You and I can't
be friends anymore.
129
00:06:20,830 --> 00:06:22,830
All right.
I'll apologize to her.
130
00:06:24,330 --> 00:06:26,700
But if she so much as
looks at me the wrong way,
131
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:29,710
I'm gonna kick her bony butt
right back to Capitol Hill.
132
00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:32,710
That's my girl.
133
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,010
HELEN: Gail, um...
134
00:06:37,010 --> 00:06:39,020
I just want to
tell you that
135
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,420
what just happened out here,
I'm really sorry.
136
00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:45,420
I--I was
out of control.
137
00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:47,260
No, Helen.
It's totally my fault.
138
00:06:47,260 --> 00:06:48,760
See, I told you
it was all...
139
00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:54,330
It was
both of our faults.
140
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:55,830
So, truce?
141
00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:58,330
Yeah, okay.
142
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:03,670
That's better.
143
00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:07,610
Hey, you know,
I just had
the craziest idea.
144
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,610
BOTH: What?
145
00:07:09,610 --> 00:07:11,610
Well, Gail and I were
supposed to go out to lunch,
146
00:07:11,610 --> 00:07:13,120
but I gotta handle
this fuel problem,
147
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,850
so why don't you two
go out together?
148
00:07:14,850 --> 00:07:16,850
Oh, no.
I don't think so
Oh, gosh, I don't...
149
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:18,790
Come on, now.
Come on.
150
00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:20,290
I think if you two spend
a little time together,
151
00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:22,560
you'd find you have
a lot in common.
152
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,290
Well, gee. Joe,
we just hugged
and everything.
153
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:26,300
Don't you think
that's enough?
154
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:27,800
Come on,
it's one lunch
out of your life.
155
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,300
Come on. For me.
For Joe. For Joey.
156
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,600
Please.
157
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,100
How much longer
do you want to
listen to this?
158
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:35,540
I'll drive.
159
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,540
Have fun.
160
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,380
Joe? Joey.
161
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:47,880
I watched you trade away
162
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,890
a Carl Yastrzemski
rookie baseball card.
163
00:07:50,890 --> 00:07:55,760
Saw you turn down a date
with Kathy "My Parents
Are Out Of Town" McBride.
164
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,530
I even stood there stupefied
as you bought an AMC Pacer.
165
00:07:58,530 --> 00:07:59,530
But this,
166
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,330
my brother,
is by far,
167
00:08:03,870 --> 00:08:06,300
the stupidest thing
I have ever seen you do.
168
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:08,740
Look, I am just
trying to stop
this constant fighting,
169
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:10,710
and that car handled
beautifully.
170
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:13,880
So did Kathy McBride.
171
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:18,210
Look at it this way, Joe.
172
00:08:18,210 --> 00:08:20,220
At least while Gail and Helen
are arguing,
173
00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:21,720
they're not comparing notes
about you.
174
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,690
Come on. You don't think
they would do that, do you?
175
00:08:23,690 --> 00:08:25,720
Joe, when you fell off
the turnip truck,
176
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,220
did it back over your head?
177
00:08:28,690 --> 00:08:31,660
Brian is right.
That's how women are.
178
00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:33,100
Just the other day,
179
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,600
two women got into my cab,
total strangers.
180
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,600
Within two minutes,
they are talking
about their love lives
181
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,570
in the most graphic detail.
182
00:08:40,570 --> 00:08:41,570
How'd you handle it?
183
00:08:41,570 --> 00:08:43,070
I took the long way.
184
00:08:49,510 --> 00:08:51,480
I had so much fun today!
185
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:52,450
(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
186
00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:53,950
Who would have thought
that one lunch
187
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,950
would change
our whole relationship?
188
00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:58,450
Well, one lunch
and two bottles of wine.
189
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,130
Maybe I should go.
190
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,630
This is Joe's house
191
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:05,560
and he's not expecting me
to be here.
192
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:06,560
I'm cooking dinner for him
anyways.
193
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,070
It's no harder
to cook for three.
194
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,570
Well, okay.
195
00:09:10,570 --> 00:09:13,040
Do you know
where Joe keeps
his steak sauce?
196
00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:15,040
Under "S."
197
00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:19,040
You're kidding.
The kitchen's alphabetized?
198
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,480
Oh, you don't know
the half of it.
Check this out.
199
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,480
All the handles
on the pots and pans
200
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,980
all face the same direction.
Due north.
201
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,920
Joe is the greatest guy,
202
00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:31,420
but where does
this stuff come from?
203
00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:32,390
I don't know.
204
00:09:32,390 --> 00:09:34,390
I mean, that thing
about the shoes.
205
00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:35,890
Isn't that weird?
206
00:09:35,890 --> 00:09:37,390
Oh, the man can't
sleep at night
207
00:09:37,890 --> 00:09:39,700
if his shoes in the closet
are touching.
208
00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:42,700
Oh, I am so glad
I have someone
to talk to about this.
209
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:44,700
It is so bizarre.
210
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:46,200
One night,
while Joe and I were in bed,
211
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,700
I got up...
212
00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:49,710
I'm sorry.
Is it okay for me
to talk like this?
213
00:09:49,710 --> 00:09:51,710
I mean, since you...
Oh, please!
214
00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:54,210
I'm so over Joe,
it's not even funny.
215
00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:56,750
Good. 'Cause this one
will kill you.
Oh, great.
216
00:09:57,250 --> 00:10:00,250
I got up while he was asleep,
touched his loafers together,
217
00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:02,750
and, swear to God,
the man sat bolt upright!
218
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:04,750
No! No!
Yes! Yes!
219
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:06,090
You want
some more wine?
220
00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:07,620
Does Joe
iron his T-shirts?
221
00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:12,960
As long as you're
comfortable with this,
222
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,970
could we spend a moment
on "the clench"?
223
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:19,400
Oh, the butt thing?
Yes!
224
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,910
What is it? He can't
walk by a mirror
225
00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:24,410
without checking
himself out.
226
00:10:24,410 --> 00:10:25,910
Yeah, that's it!
227
00:10:26,410 --> 00:10:29,710
And he doesn't think
anybody notices!
Anybody notices!
228
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,610
It goes on all the time.
229
00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:33,650
Really.
230
00:10:33,650 --> 00:10:35,720
Okay. As long as
we're sharing secrets...
231
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:36,950
What?
232
00:10:37,950 --> 00:10:39,960
Has Tarzan
made an appearance yet?
233
00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:42,190
What?
234
00:10:42,190 --> 00:10:44,290
Oh, I'll be right back.
235
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,200
Oh.
236
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,200
(GIGGLES)
237
00:10:58,170 --> 00:10:59,680
Hey, Gail.
238
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:00,610
Hi!
Hi.
239
00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:02,280
What are you
laughing about?
240
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,780
Nothing.
241
00:11:05,310 --> 00:11:06,820
So, uh, how'd things go
with you and Helen today?
242
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,820
(STIFLING LAUGHTER)
243
00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:11,790
Oh, we had a wonderful time.
244
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:13,720
I guess you did.
245
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,590
She didn't even
come back to work.
246
00:11:16,590 --> 00:11:20,100
So, uh, what'd you two
talk about?
247
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:21,600
Stuff.
248
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,330
Stuff? Well,
what kind of stuff?
249
00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:26,870
Joe, if you want to know
if Helen and I
talked about you,
250
00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:29,070
why don't you just ask?
251
00:11:29,070 --> 00:11:30,570
Okay. Did you talk about me?
252
00:11:30,570 --> 00:11:34,010
Joe! When two intelligent
women get together
253
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:36,010
they have more
to talk about than men.
254
00:11:36,010 --> 00:11:40,550
We talked about
politics and music, art.
255
00:11:40,550 --> 00:11:43,050
I was very impressed.
Helen's really
quite sophisticated.
256
00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:45,450
(HELEN MIMICKING
TARZAN YODELING)
257
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:47,920
(LAUGHING)
258
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:49,890
Helen!
259
00:11:49,890 --> 00:11:51,890
Joe!
260
00:11:51,890 --> 00:11:54,400
I mean,
Lord of the Jungle.
261
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:55,830
(BOTH WOMEN LAUGHING)
262
00:12:06,010 --> 00:12:08,010
(ALL CHATTERING)
263
00:12:10,010 --> 00:12:13,820
FAY: Oh, look,
the plane door is opening!
264
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,290
Now, remember,
when I stop the President
and shake his hand,
265
00:12:16,790 --> 00:12:17,790
that's your cue
to take the picture.
266
00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:20,290
I haven't been this excited
since Nancy Reagan told me
267
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:23,130
to get out of her face
or she'd have me arrested.
268
00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:25,930
AGENT: Okay, everybody, back.
269
00:12:25,930 --> 00:12:27,430
Let's clear a path,
lots of room.
270
00:12:27,430 --> 00:12:28,930
Here they come!
271
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:36,810
Hey! It's Millie!
It's Millie the dog!
272
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:42,680
Take off your hat, son.
It's the President's dog.
273
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,120
All right, folks.
The show's over.
274
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,420
Hey, hey, hey!
Where's the President?
275
00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:51,150
The President and Mrs. Bush
won't be deplaning.
276
00:12:51,150 --> 00:12:53,160
Then what are
they doing here?
277
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,660
Millie needed
some stitches removed
278
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:57,160
and her vet's
vacationing on the island.
279
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,660
Fay, it is so sad.
280
00:13:00,660 --> 00:13:03,170
Your streak must
come to an end.
281
00:13:03,170 --> 00:13:04,670
Oh, I'm not giving up
that easily.
282
00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:08,170
I had to hurdle
a barbeque pit to touch
Lady Bird Johnson.
283
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:12,680
PILOT: How about
if we send out
an autographed picture
284
00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:15,180
of the First Lady, ma'am?
Over.
285
00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:16,680
Uh, that's very sweet,
286
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,180
but I'm afraid I have to
actually touch Mrs. Bush.
287
00:13:19,180 --> 00:13:21,180
I thought the pilot
of Air Force One
288
00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:22,690
might have
a little influence,
289
00:13:22,690 --> 00:13:25,190
but I guess
I was mistaken. Over.
290
00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:26,660
PILOT: Okay.
291
00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:28,660
What if they bring out
Mrs. Bush's scarf
292
00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:30,190
and you touch that? Over.
293
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:32,560
Garments only count
if she's in them.
294
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:36,500
I'd-- I'd hate to break
my streak on a technicality.
295
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,000
Over.
296
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:40,540
PILOT: Stand by.
I'll ask the First Lady.
297
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:41,500
(SIGHS)
298
00:13:46,510 --> 00:13:49,010
PILOT: Okay.
Come on out. Over.
299
00:13:49,010 --> 00:13:50,010
Oh, really?
Oh, that's wonderful!
300
00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:52,510
Just give me a minute
and I'll freshen up. Over.
301
00:13:52,510 --> 00:13:54,020
PILOT: Ma'am,
I'd get out here
302
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:56,520
before Sununu
gets wind of this. Over.
303
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,020
I'm-- I'm on my way over.
304
00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:02,530
I mean, I'm on my way. Over.
305
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,530
I mean, I'm hanging up.
306
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,970
(IN SINGSONGY VOICE)
Oh, Roy!
307
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:12,600
Guess where I'm going!
Where?
308
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,140
Mrs. Cochran?
Right this way.
309
00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:15,600
You're kidding?
You're going out there?
310
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,970
Oh, Fay. Fay, you've got
to take me with you!
311
00:14:17,970 --> 00:14:19,480
Don't be
such a goose, Roy.
312
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,980
A-And now if you'll excuse me,
I have a First Lady to touch.
313
00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:23,950
No, no! Hey, no.
This is not fair!
314
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:26,950
I am a fellow elected
official! She's nothing!
315
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,950
I demand to have my picture
taken with the President!
316
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:30,950
ROY: Oh!
317
00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:40,430
Hey, gorgeous.
318
00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:41,430
Whoo!
Whoa!
319
00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:43,800
You're not gorgeous!
320
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:44,800
You're not
so hot yourself.
321
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,300
Uh, I mean you're not Gail.
What are you doing here?
322
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:48,770
I'm making our dinner.
323
00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:50,270
Our dinner?
324
00:14:50,270 --> 00:14:51,470
Yeah. It was late
when we got
out of the movies
325
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:52,980
and Gail asked me
if I wanted to stay.
326
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:54,980
We ended up seeing
Thelma and Louise.
327
00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:58,150
I don't know why,
but that movie
just speaks to me.
328
00:14:58,150 --> 00:15:02,750
When the two of them
blew up that guy's truck,
we laughed.
329
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:05,290
Uh, where--where is Gail?
I need to talk to her.
330
00:15:05,290 --> 00:15:07,790
Oh, she went
to get some dessert.
331
00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:10,290
All right. Listen, Helen.
Uh, since Gail is gone
332
00:15:10,290 --> 00:15:11,790
there's something
I need to talk
to you about.
333
00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:12,800
Yeah?
334
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,300
Uh, well, you know,
the three of us
335
00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:16,300
have been spending
a lot of time together lately,
336
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:17,730
and--and, uh...
337
00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:19,740
Well, do you think
that Gail and I
338
00:15:19,740 --> 00:15:22,340
could have
a little more time
to ourselves?
339
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,840
Oh! Yes, Joe. Sure.
340
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,840
I mean, my mom
didn't raise an idiot.
341
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,510
Except for my sister,
who married that boob
from Hawaii.
342
00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:34,050
Thanks.
I knew you'd understand.
343
00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:36,820
Sure. No problem.
I'll leave
right after dinner.
344
00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:38,590
I'm gonna see Gail
tomorrow anyway.
345
00:15:38,590 --> 00:15:40,090
We're going
shopping together.
346
00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:42,290
W-What is it
with you and Gail, anyway?
347
00:15:42,290 --> 00:15:44,630
I mean, you spend
so much time together.
348
00:15:44,990 --> 00:15:46,230
What do you mean?
349
00:15:46,230 --> 00:15:48,530
I mean, you're never apart.
350
00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:51,170
Well, may I remind you,
Joe, that it was you
351
00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:53,200
who wanted us
to get together
in the first place?
352
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,270
Yeah, for lunch.
You know, "Gee, this is nice,
353
00:15:55,270 --> 00:15:58,470
"let's do this again sometime,
but we never will" lunch.
354
00:15:58,470 --> 00:16:00,980
Now you two are practically
joined at the hip.
355
00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:02,980
Don't you think
it's just a little weird
356
00:16:02,980 --> 00:16:05,750
that your new best friend
happens to be my girlfriend?
357
00:16:05,750 --> 00:16:07,250
Don't tell me
that you're worried
358
00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:09,750
about Gail and I
trading secrets about you.
359
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:12,750
No. I realize that's all
just good-natured ribbing.
360
00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:14,860
Think I handled that
very well.
361
00:16:14,860 --> 00:16:16,260
Hey, I've been meaning
to put that lock
362
00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:18,790
on my underwear drawer
for weeks.
363
00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:21,500
Then what is it, Joe?
364
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:26,140
I just find the whole thing
a little suspicious.
365
00:16:26,130 --> 00:16:29,700
Suspicious?
What are you suggesting?
366
00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:32,210
That I'm trying to
come in between
the two of you?
367
00:16:32,210 --> 00:16:36,210
Ooh! Sounds like
somebody's a little insecure
about their relationship.
368
00:16:36,210 --> 00:16:37,710
Oh, Helen,
that is ridiculous!
369
00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:40,550
My relationship with Gail
has never been
on firmer ground.
370
00:16:40,550 --> 00:16:43,050
Why? Did she say something
to you about it?
371
00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:44,820
See, there's doubts.
372
00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:46,720
Oh, that wasn't a doubt.
373
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,720
It was a question,
a simple question.
374
00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:51,230
Can't a guy ask
a simple question?
375
00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:54,100
Oh, you'd like there
to be some doubts,
though, wouldn't you?
376
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,560
What?
377
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,570
Well, you're the one that
brought this whole thing up.
378
00:16:57,570 --> 00:16:59,570
I mean, maybe that is
what this is all about.
379
00:16:59,570 --> 00:17:01,200
You coming between
me and Gail.
380
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,240
Why on earth
would I want to come
between you and Gail?
381
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:07,240
Well, I'll tell you why. Uh,
because you're not over me.
382
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,210
Oh, please!
I can't believe
you said that to me!
383
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,010
Oh, no, wait.
Of course.
No, this makes sense.
384
00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:15,020
I found someone else
and you didn't
385
00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:16,520
and you couldn't stand that!
386
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,520
Oh, how could I have
been so stupid!
387
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,490
You obviously worked at it.
388
00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:25,530
Hey, Joe,
I am so over you,
it's not even funny.
389
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:27,530
Yeah. You wish
you were over me.
390
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,500
You wish you were
all over me.
391
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:35,200
You know what I think?
392
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,710
I think you're the one
not over me yet.
393
00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:39,170
(CHUCKLING)
Ha!
394
00:17:39,170 --> 00:17:41,680
Oh, I feel
nothing for you!
Yep.
395
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,680
Uh--Uh, less than nothing.
396
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,750
I'm more attracted
to that piece of meat.
397
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:47,250
Oh, yeah?
Then why don't you
kiss it?
398
00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:54,760
You know, uh, that
really wasn't a kiss.
399
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,260
This is more of a kiss.
400
00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:01,760
Yeah. That was
more like your kisses,
cold and dead.
401
00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:23,790
What the hell was that?
Oh, I'm sorry.
402
00:18:23,790 --> 00:18:25,290
I don't know.
I don't know.
403
00:18:25,290 --> 00:18:26,790
One minute we're spanking
each other with meat,
404
00:18:26,790 --> 00:18:28,290
the next minute
it got weird.
405
00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:31,790
What is wrong with us, Joe?
406
00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:33,160
What are we, animals?
407
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,160
Yeah, I think so.
408
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:43,370
Hi, guys.
409
00:18:43,370 --> 00:18:44,410
Oh!
410
00:18:45,910 --> 00:18:48,240
Gail, uh, this is
not what you think.
Gail...
411
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,440
No?
412
00:18:49,950 --> 00:18:51,280
I think you were
kissing Helen.
413
00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:54,880
Okay. Maybe it is
what you think, but, uh...
414
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,320
HELEN: Gail,
I'm so embarrassed.
415
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,320
Look. Look,
there's a really
good explanation
416
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,120
for what was
going on here.
417
00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:03,190
I'm waiting.
418
00:19:03,190 --> 00:19:05,190
Oh, you want to hear it?
419
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:10,070
You know, I don't know why
I should be surprised by this.
420
00:19:10,070 --> 00:19:11,570
The more I saw
you two together,
421
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:13,570
the more I realized
there were still
unresolved feelings.
422
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,200
Gail, listen...
No, no. It's obvious.
423
00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:19,180
What you and Helen have
is really kind of special.
424
00:19:19,170 --> 00:19:22,080
What you and I have
is really kind of special.
425
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,080
What Helen and I have
is really kind of special.
426
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,020
What the three of us have
is really kind of sick.
427
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:29,990
Wait, Gail. Gail, wait.
Can't we talk this out?
428
00:19:31,890 --> 00:19:33,890
Depends.
429
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:35,890
If you can
honestly tell me
430
00:19:35,890 --> 00:19:37,390
that you don't have
any feelings for Helen,
431
00:19:37,390 --> 00:19:40,900
I will be glad to sit down
and talk this out.
432
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:42,900
Can you honestly
tell me that?
433
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,300
Well, I guess
I have my answer.
434
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:49,300
Gail, wait.
435
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:50,810
No, please!
I would like
to just leave
436
00:19:50,810 --> 00:19:52,310
while we can
still be friends.
437
00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:55,210
Well, I'm...
I hope we still can be.
438
00:19:55,210 --> 00:19:57,510
Oh, I was talking
about me and Helen.
439
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:04,520
Whoa.
440
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,020
I know.
441
00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:08,520
She just...
I know.
442
00:20:10,030 --> 00:20:11,030
Wow.
443
00:20:13,660 --> 00:20:15,160
And then there were two.
444
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,200
You must be talking about
you and this veal,
445
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,770
'cause I am out of here.
Wait, wait, wait.
446
00:20:20,770 --> 00:20:23,270
But--But we--we
have some talking to do.
447
00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:24,270
About what?
448
00:20:24,270 --> 00:20:25,770
What? About what
just happened here.
449
00:20:25,770 --> 00:20:29,280
That was incredible!
That was pure passion.
You can't deny that.
450
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,280
Just because
you act crazy
for a minute,
451
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,580
doesn't mean
you check
into an asylum.
452
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:36,090
I mean,
we had something once.
453
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,090
It took me a long time
to get over it.
454
00:20:39,090 --> 00:20:41,590
But I'm in a really
good place now.
455
00:20:41,590 --> 00:20:44,590
I'm independent
and I really like my life.
456
00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:47,600
And I really can't
get back into this.
457
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,600
So, no offense,
458
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,600
but then there was one.
459
00:20:57,270 --> 00:20:58,770
(DOOR CLOSING)
460
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,680
Lucy, I'm home
from the club!
461
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,680
Wow.
462
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:10,190
Hey, either a cow
exploded in here
463
00:21:12,190 --> 00:21:15,260
or you took a page out of
the Brian Hackett Cookbook.
464
00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:20,230
Look, Joe.
Beautiful and biodegradable.
465
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:22,700
Listen, Brian, don't-- don't
start with me. All right?
466
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:26,330
I don't think anyone
on this planet has had
a worse day than mine.
467
00:21:26,330 --> 00:21:28,840
This is News Update.
I'm Edwin Newman.
468
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,840
In Nantucket, Massachusetts
today, a man was arrested
469
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:34,840
while attempting to sneak
aboard Air Force One.
470
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,850
Town councilman, Roy Biggins,
was taken into custody
471
00:21:37,850 --> 00:21:41,850
after repeatedly demanding
this his picture be taken
with the President.
472
00:21:41,850 --> 00:21:43,850
Biggins is currently
undergoing
473
00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:45,350
psychiatric evaluation.
34937
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