Original subtitles

Are ya ready, kids?

Aye-aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

Aye-aye, Captain!

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! -Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

Argh!

That secret formula safe is pretty durable.

Maybe dynamite was the wrong choice.

Crew, I need to get away from Plankton for a while.

I could use a vacation.

A nice sea cruise.

Oooh!

A cruise!

The shuffleboard!

The buf... ...fet!

The sea sickness!

Ooh! We can--

Not we.

Me.

Alone.

Cabin for one.

Mr. Squidward, rebuild the restaurant!

What should I do?

Wish me bon voy-ah-gee!

Bon voyage!

Goodbye!

Farewell!

Happy trails!

Oh, why?!

Why do you have to go?!

I miss you already!

Don't leave me!

Oh, boy! Now I get to help Squidward!

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

Looks like my cabin's downstairs.

Yes, I was the purveyor...

How much further down do these decks go?

Uh... Cabin 237...

2... 3... 7.

Oh, here we go.

It's tighter than a snail's shell in here.

But at least I got it cheap!

Krabs?!

Plankton!

What are you doing here?!

I'm tryin' to get away from you!

This is my cabin!

And I'm trying to get away from you!

This is mycabin!

"Double occupancy"?!

I better not see you

and I better not hear you for this whole cruise,

or so help me, Neptune,

I'm tossin' your green keister overboard!

Oh, yeah?

Well, I can slam a hatch too, ya know!

Well, ahoy there, passenger!

I'm Rube,

the activities director on this ship.

Can I sign you up for our wet and wild waterslide?

Woo!

Amazing, isn't it?

I don't think...

...so.

Ooh, you're gonna have fun!

You just need a buddy to go down with.

Ha-ho! And here's your buddy now.

Krabs!

Plankton!

Oh, good! You already know each other!

Anchors aweigh!

Wait!

Say "Buddies"!

I rebuke you!

Get away from me!

-Woo! -Woo!

-Ahh! -Yoo!

Yeah, baby!

Ten points!

Plankton wins again!

You can't lose when you play alone!

Whoa!

Huh?

Buzz off, whale food!

I'm signed up for this court now.

Go bite a barnacle!

I'm booked right now.

Oh, fish sticks!

I signed you both up for the same time.

I hope that won't be a prob.

No prob.

Amazing!

Hey!

Eh...?

Shuffle off, Krabs!

Ha-oy!

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. That's right.

Woo-hoo. Woop! Woop! Woop!

Hyah!

Ha!

The captain says, "Shoveling coal

is what you two maniacs get

for causing trouble on my ship."

So have fun, y'all!

Thanks a lot, Sheldon!

You ruined my vacation!

All hands on deck!

We've lost control of the ship.

Neptune help us, we're headed straight for an iceberg...

lettuce, dead ahead!

I can't believe I'm left here alone with just you.

Well, I can't believe I'm left here alone

with just you too.

Hey, at least we have free salad.

- Ow! - Boo!

- Good riddance! - I hate you so!

Hey, can ya throw down some Thousand Island dressing?

Ahoy there, you two!

Now who's up for a lifeboat drill?

Ow!

Okay, maybe next time!

Brr! The water's so cold I can barely feel my legs!

Ah-mayyy-zing!

Okay, let's start paddling.

You're going the wrong way.

No, this way!

No! This way!

The right way!

The next day...

This way is the right way, eh?

Well, this way we're stranded!

Hey!

Your foot's on my side

of the deserted island!

Well, you keep moving the line!

Yoo-hoo!

There you two are!

I've been looking for you all over.

I've got you both signed up for a bike ride on the beach.

Here's an activity for you!

- Nice throw. - Thanks.

-Hand me that bicycle pump. -What are you doing?

I'm gonna ride ol' rubber pants outta here!

Not without me!

Oh, no!

I'm all bloated!

Better undo my belt.

-Don't! Don't! Don't! -Ahh! No!

Ah-may-ziiiing!

Ooh! That is brisk on the little piggies!

Ooh! Treasure!

Good morning!

SpongeBob?!

What are you doing here?

Oh, I always come to Goo Lagoon to look for treasure.

Once I found a bottle cap.

-Goo Lagoon?! -Goo Lagoon?!

You said all those sounds were hallucinations!

Well, you wouldn't explore the island

because of your knees!

Oh, that's it! Now I really need a vacation from you!

Not as much as I need one from you!

One week later...

Sure has been quiet around here.

It sure has been boring around here.

Hm?

Yello!

-Krabs! -Plankton!

What'cha got there behind your back, Eugene?

Well, I just thought, ya know, you might wanna

maybe... take a crack at, uh, ya know...

stealing me formuler?

Gimme that!

What is this doing here?!

Safe and sound.

Ahoy there, you two.

Looks like we're all signed up in here

for a game of Spin The Bottle.

Ah-maaayyy-zing!

Captain Quasar!

Save me!

You let Pat-Tron go, Chicken Man!

Whoa!

Sweet Neptune, what's that behind you?!

Ba-gawk?

My hero!

You saved me!

Of course, Pat-Tron.

Nobody messes with Captain Quasar's crew!

Ha!

Ooh!

Aw!

Wow!

What an episode!

What a battle!

Captain Quasar does it again!

I liked all the hugging!

Guys, you don't suppose

there's real Chicken Men out there, do you?

Of course not, Patrick.

They're just made up for TV,

like cartoons, or France.

Phew!

Calling all Captain Quasar fans!

Your presence is required

at the only Captain Quasar fan club

in the tri-ocean area!

Beam over to our headquarters

in the back of the comic book shop.

The next meeting

is on space-date 76359-1!

That's today, ya space cadets!

We gotta join that fan club!

Ooh! Look!

"Half Price Oil Change."

No, Patrick, it says,

"Hardcore Quasar Fans Only!"

I'm hard-boiled!

Oh! Hurry up, guys!

Greetings!

Welcome to the Official Captain Quasar Fan Club.

I, Bubble Bass, am president, obviously.

Harvey and Kevin are co-secretaries.

We are always on the lookout for new members!

However, judging by your rather shabby cosplay,

I surmise you are fans of the original Quasar series.

This fan club is only for the reboot,

Captain Quasar: The Next Iteration.

They made a new Captain Quasar show?

Indeed!

And it is the far superior series!

Therefore, you won't be needing any of this!

Now, to begin our meeting,

let's watch a clip from the new show.

Pat-Tron, activate Mecha Pattern Alpha!

Ahh!

Dinner is served.

So, wait, now Captain Quasar

is a giant robot show?

I thought it was about exploring the universe!

It can be both!

Nope.

It confuses the premise.

I'm with Squidina.

Original Quasar, yay!

Reboot Quasar, nay!

I like the new one!

The robot is so handsome!

Fine!

You guys can have your club.

We're gonna start our own,

to celebrate the original series!

Come on, SpongeBob.

Oh boy!

I'm super excited for our new club, Squidina!

But, uh, where are we having the meeting?

I thought we could do it at your place?

Oh, I'd love to,

but Gary said he needed the house to himself today.

Hm... I know a place we can go!

Follow me!

Whoa!

This place is a little tight, SpongeBob.

True... But it comes with snacks!

Let's start our meeting

with the Captain Quasar secret club handshake!

Quasar Cadets, blast off!

SpongeBob, what are you doing?

We're supposed to blast off!

I'm blasting off as hard as I can!

Whoa!

Aww, my chips are caught on some yellow thing!

Buy another bag, it'll knock your chips loose.

Whoa!

Aw! Looks like I'll have to give it

the old new Quasar shake!

Huzzah!

Free snacks!

-Woo-hoo! -Woo-hoo-hoo!

Quasar!

Quasar! Quasar!

Queasy! Queasy! Queasy!

Well, we tried the only place I could think of.

Looks like we have no choice but to rejoin

their dumb old new Captain Quasar club.

Oy!

Huh?

Wow!

They got the new Captain Quasar

to sign autographs?

Impressive!

I hate to admit it, but it is impressive...

and it gives me an idea!

Oh! I'm your biggest fan!

No, I'myour biggest fan!

Will you be my daddy?!

Listen, Eddie, I told you, no more autograph shows.

I'm an actor, not a calligrapher!

Well, look who's come crawling back.

Ready to admit that

Captain Quasar: The Next Iteration

is the best iteration?

Ha! Never.

Then why did you come to our big celebrity signing?

We wanted to introduce you to some old friends.

What strange new world have you brought us to?

The old-school Pat-Tron and Captain Quasar?

Where on Earth did you find them?

Not on Earth, in outer space!

I still had their ship's coordinates

programmed into Patrick's old time closet!

My what now?

Your time closet.

It gives you access to all of time and space?

Uh...

Doesn't ring a bell.

It was in your room, at Mom and Dad's house?

Remember?

Oh yeah! I remember!

Who are "Mom" and "Dad"?

Anyhow, now that we've got both Quasars

and both Pat-Trons here,

let's team 'em up for a new series!

Just think of the exciting adventures they could have!

They could bake a cake together!

Or solve a jigsaw puzzle!

Or read quietly by the fire!

Oh-ho-ho, that does sound exciting.

Or instead, let's find out who the best Quasar is

once and for all...

...by having them fight it out in the Pit of Doom!

Uh, why does this place have a pit of doom?

Duh! Every comic book store has a pit of doom.

That makes sense!

Hey, Captain Quasar.

Those guys look exactly like us.

Are they clones?

Don't be silly, Pat-Tron.

They only kind of look like us.

That makes them...

evil clones!

Just like in "Clone Me Once, Shame on You!"

Ooh, I love that episode!

Pat-Tron, attack!

Not the face!

Well, looks like my Quasar is winning.

I'll begin gloating now to get a head start!

These clones are too strong, Captain!

You may be right, Pat-Tron.

Time to use our lasers!

Wait, what?

You guys have reallasers?

Victory, Pat-Tron!

Our evil clones are humiliated.

Let's get out of here!

Ha-ha!

Woo! Uh-huh!

Uh-huh! Ha-ha!

Okay! Okay! You win.

I hereby declare this Captain Quasar club

open to fans of all iterations!

Holy mackerel, Captain!

An army of evil clones!

They must be multiplying.

Hurry, before they can split again!

Just like in the episode "Clone Me Twice, Shame on Me!"

Best fan club ever!