Original subtitles

Are ya ready kids?

Aye-aye, Captain!

-I can't hear you! -Aye-aye, Captain!

Ooh...

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants -Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

1 ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Argh!

Another miserable start to another miserable day.

Greetings!

You strike me as a man with a healthy sense of humor.

Well, boy, do I have just the offer for you.

It's a deal you can really sink...

...your chattering teeth into!

Oh, but that's not all!

Do you like to snap your gum?

Well this gum...

- Ah! - snaps you!

These priceless gags can be yours

for the low, low price of 24.99!

But if you act now,

I'll throw in a free set of steak knives!

Are you finished now, Dad?

Aw! How did you know it was me?

Bring it in, son.

I just flew into town on my new sales route

and thought I would drop by.

And also thought I would stay for a few days.

You-- What? Hey!

Oh, wow!

Uh. Huh.

Very impressive, Squiddy!

Oh, you really think so?

Of course!

I love clown paintings!

Cheer up, son.

Hey, why don't you play me

one of your famous clarinet tunes?

Well, I have been practicing a new song.

It's the classic bubble-blowing clarinet!

It's only 6.99.

This will be the longest few days of my life.

Dad! Can you keep your honking down?

Oh, no.

If you like rubber chickens,

you'll love this bicycle horn!

Oh, that's right, boys.

I've got horns-a-plenty.

Fog horns!

-French horns! -Hon, hon, hon!

Bull horns!

- Whoa! - Just 9.99 each.

I take all major credit cards.

But I promise, I give them all back.

Please, do not arm my annoying neighbors

with even more annoying props!

I'm begging you, Father.

-What? -What?

Squidward, this is your dad?

I thought Mr. Krabs was your dad!

No, Patrick.

And I would appreciate it

if you left my father and I alone.

Oh, come on, Squidward.

Join in. It's just harmless fun.

Yeah, harmless fun.

Put her there, Patrick.

Yeah!

No.

Here, let me help you two up.

Ugh! Well, today was a wash.

Guess I'll try again tomorrow.

I just need to sleep for...

Twenty-three and a half hours.

You'll be the life of the slumber party

with my patented whoopee bed!

Oh! Leave me alone!

Always handy to have a rubber ladder.

Whoa!

Oh, here it is.

Ta-da!

Now, that's what I call a pop-up store!

Hey! Step right up to Jeffy T's Prankwell Emporium!

I'm a peddler of pranks,

a giver of gags, a trader of tricks.

You need it,

I sell a novelty approximation of it.

Your friends will be saying, "Hey! Prank's a lot!"

Well, I'm saying pranks for nothing!

Who would have thought Squidward's dad

would be such a lively guy?

Yeah! He makes me laugh.

S-Squidward just makes me sad.

Nonsense!

Squidward is hilarious in his own right.

I mean, his name is Squidward

but he's an octopus!

Ha! That was one of my best pranks.

That's a good one!

Can we see more of your novelty gags, Mr. Tentacles?

Please, Mr. Tentacles is my son.

Call me Jeffy.

There's more where that came from!

Here are just a few of my prototype gags.

Polka dot soap!

Dot's great!

Disappearing squid ink!

Ooh. Think of all the money I'll save on pants.

And don't forget my bombsicles.

Cool.

That's right! I've developed thousands of gags

over the course of my career.

I've even been working on...

the ultimate gag.

Oooh.

But it's just not ready yet.

I can't seem to figure it out.

-Oh, oh! We can help! -Yeah!

Show us your new gags, Mr. Jeffyward!

Brilliant idea, boys.

Hey, why don't you step into my test kitchen.

You know, this looks a lot like Squidward's kitchen.

Think of it as my gag lab.

I've planted some of my newest pranks around.

For instance...

Huh?

Rice lice!

Some people are so bad at cooking,

they can't even boil water.

Especially not with a flammable pot!

He better grab that fire re-stinguisher!

-Gah! -Here, son.

Use this squirting flower.

Ugh!

It's the real fire extinguisher.

Well, at least the fire's out.

Hey.

I'm stuck.

That's because...

it's also instant bread!

Ta-da!

Yay!

Get it while it's hot!

It's a fire sale!

Now, who wants to buy some fun?

That's it!

I'm going where there won't be any fun!

Work.

What? Wait a minute.

Doh! My cornea!

Something's wrong with this money.

I better go tell Mr. Krabs.

What?

I'm not cleaning that up.

What's wrong, Squidward?

Huh?

Why do your teeth look weirder than usual?

Rubber teeth.

And this is a rubber spill.

And rubber money.

I bought all these pranks from your dad.

Aren't they hilarious?

Mr. Krabs!

SpongeBob is being obnoxious again!

Huh? Gyah!

Got ya! It's my famous rubber boss!

For only 99.99!

I can't take it anymore!

Hey, Squidward!

Your dad sold me this giant water balloon!

Only 49.99!

Catch!

Oh, no.

It's full of jellyfish!

Now to do something I should've done a long time ago.

Beautiful baby.

So, daddy dearest.

You like pranks, do ya?

I'll give this some pranks you'll never forget!

Morning, son. Looking chipper as always.

I have a present for you, Father.

For me?

You shouldn't have.

Oh, but you really deserve it.

I wonder what it could be.

Ow!

A surprise boxing glove?

I love it!

And a cream pie?

With itching cream!

And a stink bomb too!

Uh-oh.

Son! This is it.

The ultimate gag!

Ow!

-Whoa! -Not my pinky!

Pretty funny, right?

Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

Here, knock yourselves out.

Yeah!

You certainly take after your old man.

Ow!

I'm so proud of you for figuring out my ultimate gag.

Now I can share it with the world!

Ow!

I'll just go pack up my things and head out.

Really? That's all I ever wanted to hear you say.

Got ya!

Ha. Ha.

And now back to The World of Gross Sea Life.

Observe how this ingenious parasitic isopod

finds a new home by attaching itself inside a fish's mouth,

becoming its new tongue.

Hmm?

That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

Disgustingly genius!

It's giving me a wonderful idea!

I'll glue myself to SpongeBob's tongue!

By hiding right in that fry cook's face,

I'll be in the perfect position

to collect a Krabby Patty sample!

Well, what could possibly go wrong?

Clever disguise? Check.

Sample container? Check.

Glue? Check.

Time to begin operation tongue oppressor!

An iron a day keeps the wrinkles away!

Ooh. I hope it's a salesman!

Candy-gram!

Ooh! I just love a Poetry-Slam Candy-gram!

Poetry? Well, okay.

Roses are red, candy is sweet.

Uh, eat with your mouth, not with your feet?

Words to live by.

That's it! Eat the delicious little plankton.

I'll just have one little candy.

Who am I kidding?

Come on, you dolt! Eat me.

Ooh. This pink candy looks so delicious...

Yes. Yes.

That I saved it just for you, Gary!

Ugh.

I have to get inside that mouth breather's mouth.

Maybe disguise myself as a door to door dentist?

No, that's not a thing.

Ew! I stepped in some old gum!

And now, I just have to glue myself

to his hideous tongue.

Come on. Whoops!

Yes!

Mm-hmm.

"The Tiny Book of Tortuous Tongue Twisters."

Perfect for my morning exercises.

My tongue has to be in tip top shape to taste my patties.

Tongue twisters?

"The squad of odd cod

applaud the sassy cephalopod."

The pain! Huh?

This dream scheme gone full steam

guarantees Eugene's screams.

Oh, boy. Now, I'm doing it.

Morning, Squidward.

Ugh. Your breath smells like chum.

It is a bit stinky.

You try passing through a snail's intestines

and see what you smell like!

A little breath spray should help.

Better get some patties out of the freezer for today's orders.

Oh, no! We're out of patties!

Of course, you are.

Which means I get to make a whole new batch!

Hooray!

Even better!

I'll have a front-row seat to the whole process.

A little secret ingredient A.

Secret ingredient A?

Two plops of B.

Some C, D, E, and G!

Two cups of this! A jar of that!

And just a pinch of Z.

What's this guy making? Alphabet soup?

Mix well.

Perfect!

Now for the taste test.

That's it, baby.

I only need one sample.

My eye!

Ugh. These patties are kind of bland.

I can't taste them at all.

Time to get a little creative.

Hmm, maybe some Limburger cheese will help.

Oh, no. Not Limburger.

Still blah.

Ooh! How about a little sauerkraut?

Flying Dutchman peppers.

And this old jar of toe jam.

Good, Neptune. Not in your mouth!

Still doesn't have any taste.

Oh. I've made a critical error.

My glue has covered that dolt's taste buds.

Get a move on, SpongeBob!

The orders are piling up!

No problem, Squidward.

I guess it'll have to do.

The Krabby Patties are ready, Squidward.

Whatever.

Thank Neptune. I'm starving.

Finally.

Is this even food?

Ew! This is disgusting!

I'll never eat here again!

I've had better garbage!

It tastes worse than chum!

Hmm.

Worse than chum?

What have you done to my patties?

I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs.

The patties have no flavor at all today.

No flavor?

More like too much flavor!

They taste like the Flying Dutchman's long johns!

I'm afraid your taste buds are worn out, boy-o.

Phew.

Until your tongue recovers,

you're off grill duty.

Turn in your hat and spatula.

Aww.

That's one more for the failure pile.

Time to abandon tongue.

Ah, blast.

The zipper's covered in glue.

Huh. My left armpit still sounds a little sharp.

That's better.

Hey, SpongeBob.

Hey, Patrick.

What's the matter?

I can't taste a thing.

My tongue is broken.

He goes to Patrick for advice?

It's the nitwits leading the dimwits.

Your tongue's probably just dirty.

That happens to me all the time.

You're the smartest smart person who ever smarted!

Give me a little run off music, maestro!

-Ahh. -Sweet Neptune!

No!

I need something stronger.

This should do the trick!

Ahh!

May I borrow your hat, sir?

Oh, of course!

It tastes like emptiness.

Tastes fine to me.

Oh, my poor tongue is just worn out.

Guess it's time for a new one!

What?

Ahh.

Silly me.

Why didn't I do this earlier?

Can I borrow that dirty old tongue of yours?

Of course!

Patrick eats more Krabby Patties than anyone.

Why didn't I do this earlier?

Sorry, my old tongue's a little loud.

That's okay.

Perfect.

I'm just gonna go grab a bite to eat

at the annual Chum Eating Contest!

Chum eating contest?

Was that today?

On your marks,

get set,

chum!

Aw. Why can't I have a detachable tongue?