Original subtitles

Are ya ready, kids?

Aye-aye, Captain!

I can't hear you.

Aye-aye, Captain!

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Absorbent, and yellow, and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants -♪ Ready? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

Uh-huh.

Perfect.

Woo.

Evening, neighbor.

Evening, Preston.

Good luck at the concert tonight.

Thank you, Sebastian.

You may think you know me,

but you don't.

I used to be Squidward Tentacles,

but now, the name's...

Dolphin, John Dolphin.

It's John Dolphin!

I have a wonderful new life

in New Kelp City.

How did this happen?

Well, I'll tell you.

One day, the worst thing that ever happened to me

turned out to be

the best thing that ever happened to me.

Excuse me. I'd like to lodge a complaint.

This reed is defective.

I'm sorry, sir,

but that's the only reed we have in stock.

Have you ever thought of playing something safer,

like the triangle?

This is a stickup.

Give me all the dough in the joint,

or I'll rub you out.

Elmer Eraser!

If either of you bozos squeal,

I'll track ya down

and rub you out.

I won't say a syllable.

See that you don't, or Elmer Eraser will find you.

The police tried to get me to talk,

but I wasn't interested...

at first.

I told you, I didn't see a thing.

Not to worry, Mr. Tentacles.

If you do remember anything,

we can put you into witness protection.

Of course, we'll have to move you to a new town,

change your name, and give you a new job.

Look, officer, I'm not talking.

Unfortunately, you'll never see your friends or neighbors again.

I saw everything.

I'll testify.

Now, I have everything

I'd ever dreamed of.

Huh?

I must be imagining things.

Huh?!

This can't be happening!

We miss you, Squidward.

Hi, Squidward.

Don't worry. I've got it.

Love your new beard.

Thanks, but it's only a fake one. Huh?

SpongeBob and Patrick?!

How did you two goofballs find me?

Oh, you like to know

how we found you, Squidward?

Um, eh... Where's your voice coming from?

It was an average day

at the old Krusty Krab.

But something was missing.

Or should I say "someone"?

Hello?

Anybody home?

Boy, the service here

is really going downhill, SpongeBob.

Squidward's still not here? I guess that would explain

why I haven't had a single order in weeks.

I haven't seen him in his house for weeks either,

not even in his bathtub.

And his fridge is out of food!

I really miss my favorite neighbor.

But I'm right here, buddy.

Oh, thank goodness.

But how do we find Squidward?

Don't worry. I got this.

Now, I just need something that smells like Squidward.

One of his old clarinet reeds should help.

Ew!

Got it!

And so, we followed the scent to your new front door.

Why did you leave us, Squidward?

You knuckleheads are gonna ruin everything.

I'm in witness protection.

Fitness infection?

I'm hiding out from Elmer Eraser.

Elmer Eraser?!

The robber who relishes in rubbing out rats?

Would you two get lost?

You're gonna lead that maniac right to me.

Gee!

I had no idea Squidward was in witless perfection.

And we almost blew his cover.

Hey, sorry about that.

I didn't see ya there.

Say, that sure is a nice eraser.

Thanks. My mommy made it for me.

Hmm. Eraser.

That reminds me of something, but what?

Do you bozos know where I can find...

this mug?

Elmer Eraser?

Oh, that's not a mug. That's--

We've never seen that person in our entire lives...

uh, with or without a beard.

Well, if you do...

...please let me know.

Patrick, that was Elmer Eraser.

Who?

We gotta warn Squidward.

Phew! Thank Neptune those idiots are gone.

Squidward!

And they're back.

Guess who we saw outside?

Elmer Eraser!

What?!

Oh, I'm doomed!

Don't worry. We'll put you into witness protection protection.

You're safe with us.

Whoa!

Here's a hideout with a lot of natural light.

A glass house? Are you nuts?

This way, you can see Elmer Eraser coming.

But he can see me too.

You!

You guys lied to me.

That's Squidward!

Don't worry. I got him.

Wait! Don't!

Oh!

It's a plexiglass house.

Perfect!

We can drive far, far away.

Gotcha!

Everybody jump!

This is how you make a getaway.

Wait.

Quick! In there!

Up there!

You'll be safe in here.

Gotcha!

Squidward is unprotected.

Hop on!

Huh?

We'll save you, Squidward!

Oh, no!

Those two halfwits found me.

Phew! It's just Elmer Eraser.

Elmer Eraser!

We'll protect you, Squidward.

Gotcha!

Please, Elmer Eraser, don't rub out Squidward.

Aw, don't worry.

I'm not Elmer.

I'm Detective Eraser.

Elmer's my twin brother.

I've been trying to find you all day.

Oh, thank goodness.

Can you arrest these two blockheads

so I can go back to being John Dolphin?

Lucky for you, my brother Elmer has been caught and put in jail.

You don't need witness protection anymore.

Ouch.

Isn't it great, Squidward?

You can come back to Bikini Bottom with us.

-Squidward's back! -Yay!

-Wonderful. -Squidward's back!

-You're it. -No, you're it.

No, you're it.

-Squidward's it. -No, you're it.

I was finally safe,

but I was about to become witness to another crime,

a crime I was going to commit.

I'm going to rub you out!

Rub. Rub. Rub.

Boy, that was one heck of a shoppin' spree

down at the old Nut Barn.

Ah.

Worth it, though.

These cracklin' nuts taste so good,

it's like there's a hootenanny in my mouth.

Bleh!

Yeehaw!

Where'd that come fr--

Oh, my helmet's about to crack like an egg.

I gotta get home to my dome ASAP.

That was a close shave.

Better dig out my backup helmet.

Aha!

Whoops! Must be all that nut dust on my fingers.

Looks like I'm plumb out of helmets.

Better order a new one.

Hello? Helmets Direct?

Yeah, I need another one.

- What size do you need? - Size? Size? Squirrel medium.

-We're out of size medium. -Uh-huh.

-I'll have to special order it. -Uh-huh.

It's gonna take six to eight weeks to get it.

Six to eight weeks?

Looks like I'm stuck inside for a while.

But I got plenty to do.

It's only been one hour,

but I can't take it anymore.

If I don't see another living critter soon,

I'm gonna go nuts.

Nuts.

Hey, now, Sandy.

You'd never go nuts.

Your grip on reality is too firm.

Thanks, Nutty Buddy.

You're always here for me.

That's what friends are for.

Maybe I can lasso someone into coming over.

I don't understand.

How can everyone be busy at 2:30 on a Tuesday?

Oh, I know!

If I can't get my friends to visit me,

I'll visit them...

remotely.

You got this.

You got it.

Well, that's about as exciting as riding a no-legged bull.

Next!

Very good.

Now, let's try parallel parking.

And... done.

Now, for 10,000 with this arm.

One...

Two...

Three...

This is making my eyelids feel heavier

than Larry's weights.

Next!

And done.

Phew! Now for 10,000 with this arm.

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Yeesh! Gah!

Five...

There's gotta be something interesting

to look at in this town.

Huh?

What in the...?

Of course!

That big old metal whatsit I ran into.

Plankton?

Better go in for a closer look.

Huh? What's that noise?

Did I leave Karen on all night again?

Whoa. Mosquitos sure are getting big this year.

Dang that Plankton!

Now I gottafigure out what he's up to.

Yello?

Heya, SpongeBob.

I'm in the middle of an investigation,

and I was hoping you could do a little reconnoitering for me.

Hyah! Gosh, Sandy, I'd love to,

but I'm already reconnoitering a new mustard mine

for Mr. Krabs.

I get it. I get it. You're busy.

You don't have to holler about it.

Uh...

Huh?

- Hello? - Howdy, Patrick.

I'm trying to peep Plankton's plans.

Wanna help out?

Sure. I'll be over

as soon as I finish my sandwich.

Okay.

All right, Patrick. This should be simple enough.

Plankton is building some sort of evil device.

All you gotta do is head over there with my camera

and give it a look 'fer. Roger?

A look 'fer. Roger!

Whatcha...

doin' there, Patrick?

Looking for Roger.

Let me give you a little help.

Karen, I'm going out for coffee and crullers.

Perfect! Snoop around while Plankton's gone.

Oh, boy! I love snooping.

♪ Snoop, snoop, snooper snoop, snoopy snoop ♪

Keep your eyes peeled for a clue

that might tell us what he's up to.

Blueprints, memory cards, microfiche...

Ooh, I found something!

-Is it a clue? -Yeah!

A delicious one.

It's his lunch.

Mmm!

Patrick, that ain't a clue. That's a tiny burrito.

Okay, okay.

Here, Roger, Roger.

Ugh, there's nothing here.

Just this dumb old box of...

"puh-loo-toe-ni-um!" Who cares?

Plutonium?!

Plankton must be building some sort of atomic weapon!

And it's pointed right at the Krusty Krab!

All right, Patrick, you've done your part.

These glow sticks make my bones itchy.

Now I'm gonna zap him with my laser.

She's warming up now.

♪ Do, do, do, dee... ♪

Oh, no! Plankton's back.

Patrick, you gotta get outta there.

Don't let him see you!

-Hurry! -Huh.

I am like unto the wind.

Whoa!

Hey! Whoa!

What are you doing here, bozo?

My name's Patrick,

not Bozo.

Yeah, no duh, Sherlock.

My name's Bozo, not Sherlock.

Oh, no! He's onto us.

Time to take out that weapon.

I know your name, ding dong!

My name's Sherlock, not Ding Dong.

Enough! It doesn't matter.

You're gonna be the first

to witness my latest evil invention.

"Eat at the Chum Bucket."

It's just a dumb, old sign?

That's not evil.

Well, the plutonium wasn't sourced ethically,

so it's a little evil.

Oh... boy.

Huh?

Why didn't I think of that?

Eat that, Krabs!

Whoo!

Thanks for hosting me restaurant

while the Krusty Krab is being repaired...

and while SpongeBob's recovering from his gorilla injuries.

It's the least I could do.

Huh?

My helmet! Finally!

Me new restaurant! Finally!

Quit yer loafin', Mr. Squidward.

Ya got a buildin' to move.

Six to eight more weeks on the inside?

How-how about you take the next shift, Nutty Buddy?

Man, I gotta make some new friends.