All language subtitles for Rake.S04E08.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.x264-SbR_track4_[eng]

I've never found anyone to replace you.

Mr Greene, we are terminating
your membership of this bar.

Oh, God!

Oh, God. I hope that wasn't Mrs Clinton.

You are not a part of the 'we'
in this house.

You are, and always will be,
an 'it'.

He tried to burn down our local
high school when he was 13.

Good God, and you were
the good one in the family.

I got up to a bit of mischief
myself.

I'm prepared to try and secure you
a seat as an independent Senator.

What's the catch?

You get out of Wendy's and my life.

This is insane.

- You can keep the ring, by the way.

It only cost me nine dollars
at the Paddo Market.

Ohh!

This is unconscionable behaviour!

The room always felt lighter
when she entered.

Shit! Fuck!

She has this inner beauty.

I'm putting my name down
for the Senate.

Cleaver Greene, nothing to say.

Cleaver Greene...

..nothing to say.

- Cleaver Believer!
- Oh!

Listening to RN Breakfast.
Fran Kelly with you.

Well, with the federal election looming,

the polls have been all
the government's way for weeks now,

predicting a sizeable majority
in the House of Reps.

But in the Senate, as always,
it's a different story.

Again, it looks like
this next parliamentary term

will see the Government's
legislative program

heavily dependant
on cross bench support.

Joining me now is perhaps one of
the most unlikely

of those Senate candidates,

though, as I say, anything is possible.

Cleaver Greene is
a former criminal barrister

and he joins me
in the breakfast studio.

Cleaver Greene,
welcome to RN Breakfast.

Lovely to be here, Fran.

Is it true that your run for the Senate
is simply an attempt

to derail your sister Jane's bid

for the fourth National Party Senate
seat in New South Wales?

Yes. Pretty much.

So you're running for the Senate
out of spite?

That's certainly the way
that it started, yes, Fran.

Absolutely pure spite.

I think many of your listeners

who've suffered at the hands
of a domineering elder sibling

will understand and be appreciative of

the fact that, you know,
somebody's finally standing up

and saying, "Enough's enough.

"Let's give the little guy a go."

As a result of that comment,

you now have 137,000 followers
on your Twitter account.

'Cleaver Believers'
they're calling themselves.

Well, look, Fran, in essence,

I'm a fairly humble
sort of an individual.

Ohh!

But people do seem to be

very keen to hear what
I don't have to say.

But what you are speaking about
when you do speak,

is just a litany of bizarre
personal grievances, isn't it?

The culling of ibises in city parks,

imposing fines on people for using
air quotes or using the word 'correct'.

Well, Fran, look -
yes, they are grievances,

but with all due respect
they're not petty.

You know, I mean, the capacity
for an ibis to completely disrupt

a family gathering in any park
in the CBD is significant, if not grave,

and you know, that is
a funny-looking bird with its...the...

And on a personal level,
I don't trust them.

Yeah, but while you're
going on about ibises,

what about the big policies
that really matter?

What about pensions, superannuation?
What about health, education?

Oh, well, health is an issue
that I take very seriously.

So you'll be asking
the Federal Government

to spend more on healthcare
and medical research?

No, no. On the contrary,
I think that we need a dramatic cut

to the healthcare budget.

We're all living
far too long as it is, Fran.

I mean, two score and ten,
the Bible tells us.

Three score.

And ten, exactly.

Look, Fran, if you think about it,

our greatest economic challenge
is an ageing population.

It's a terrible burden on
young families, on hospitals

and on society in general,
so we need to die younger.

Aw!

As a nation, we quite simply
can't afford to fund Viagra...

Oh, for fuck's sake!
..for 1 15 year old pensioners.

So we cut back on spending
in health and medical research

and our budgetary situation
will start to blossom

because we'll finally be dying
at precisely the time

that the good Lord wanted us to,
if not a little earlier,

if we're lucky.

- Ha! Has this country
gone completely insane?

No, translated in non-binary, please.

As a result of that horseshit you just
sprayed across our great nation,

you now have 30,000
new Cleaver Believers.

I guarantee you by the weekend,
you'll have over 200,000 supporters.

200,000 lunatics?

200,000 lunatics
who are registered to vote,

and that is all that we need.

Well, how can that be all we need

in a state of
over eight million people?

Oh, because sweetheart,
that's where I come in.

I take your 200,000,

I do a few preference deals with
some politically aligned candidates.

I get 80,000 here,
I get 40,000 there.

I make a couple of calls,
I take a few meetings

and bada-bing, bada-boom,

you're over half a million...Senator.

- Oh, that's ridiculous.
- Isn't it?

I thought they'd stopped
this preference shit.

It's politics.
There's always a deal on the table.

No, there's no way I could
swap preferences with a Green.

- Oh...
- No, no. He's not a Green.

No, far from it.

- No, his name is Greene.
- Greene with an 'e'.

Oh, right, right.

You a civil libertarian, Mr Greene?

One hundred percent, Vaughan.

Let me show you something.

The government's slowly but surely

whittling away
all our personal freedoms.

Oh, mate, I couldn't agree more.
It's an outrage.

You've got that right, Mr Greene.

Meet my girls.

They're things of beauty,
aren't they?

Oh, yeah.

See, I go out to the range
most days, very early,

and I warm 'em up.

Do you?

And then...

Bam! bam!
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam!

Bam! Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam!

This one's so fast!
She responds so quick.

Only have to touch her and she's off.

In fact, I think she knows
when I'm about to touch her.

Here. You take her.

Oh, well, mate, I don't want her
to get the wrong idea.

- You know, a stranger touching her.
- Looks nice.

Does it?

Beautiful.

Bam, bam, bam, bam!

I think there should be
more fucking in the world.

- Beg your pardon?
- I'm talking about sex.

I think the world would be a better
place if there was more of it.

I cannot tell you
how strongly I agree with you.

So, if you back my call
for the legalisation of polygamy,

I'd be happy to do a preference deal.

Absolutely.
I mean, that's a no-brainer.

You know, I have four sisters.

If we got this bill through,
you could marry us all.

Think about it.

I...I am...I am think... I am.

I've always voted Green in the past.

Now, I think you may have the wrong end
of the stick there a little bit, Ellie.

- Because I'm not...I'm not...
- You're not what?

Cleaver's not unaware of your...

- ..position...
- Position.

- ..on green issues.
- Issues.

I just think the Greens
have been ineffective

and so much more
could have been done.

- Couldn't...
- That is so funny.

That is exactly what you were
saying in the car this morning.

- Pretty much word for word.
- Wow. Cool.

I mean, meat is murder, right?

Meat? Is...murder.

And milk is a product of rape.

Milk is? Abso... Oh.

Oh, what are they doing
in those milking sheds?

- They should leave those animals alone.
- Ohh!

- The fiddling the cows...
- Don't!

Can't say no.

Never a truer word was spoken.

Twice a day.

- Thank you so much.
- No, no, thank you, Ellie.

- Thank you.
- Thanks for your time.

- See you soon.
- Yes, I hope so.

Bye.

Well, that gives you faith
in our political process, doesn't it?

She should swing it.

- She should swing it?
- Uh-huh.

- Are you serious?
- Yep.

The woman who believes that
milking cows

- is an act of violent sexual abuse...
- I'm going to make

a couple of calls just in case,
just in case.

Unbelievable.
I thought the bar was insane.

Oh, come on, Cleave!
It's a vibrant, living democracy.

Oh, talking about living -
here is where you could be living.

Friend of mine, a Senator.
He's not running again.

Needs someone to take over
his lease, mate's rates.

- Oh, not bad.
- Not bad.

What suburb?

What are you talking about,
what suburb? It's in Canberra.

- Canberra?
- Yeah.

Yes, that is where
the Parliament is, you moron.

Were you home sick from school
that day?

No, no, I'm not moving to Ca...
I can't move to Canberra.

I assumed I'd be
flying in and flying out.

Well, if you think that's an appropriate
use of your travel allowance, fine.

Hey, would you honestly
go to these lengths

to get me out of Wendy's life?

- Cleaver...
- It's pretty amazing.

If I could have figured our the perfect
murder, you'd be dead by now.

And I came really close twice.

- Creepy.
- Right now, this is my best option.

Yeah. So failed murderers
become political consultants?

Yeah, it's a natural career.

It's like failed barristers
becoming Senators.

You know, I'm actually starting
to think you're a witch.

- Ah! Maybe, 'cause you know what?
- You're a witch.

My two redeeming features
are my total adoration to Wendy

- and my complete dedication...
- I adore Wendy.

- ..to her happiness.
- I'm dedicated to her happiness.

Oh, really? When was the last time
you actually made her happy?

- Ohh...
- More importantly,

do you really think that you can
make her happy in the future? You?

- Yes...
- You've got no money,

you've got no career, you've got
no prospects without my help.

You know what, Cleave?

I make over a million bucks
in a bad year.

It's not about the money.

Yeah, it is. It is a little.

- Wendy's not that fatuous.
- You know it is.

Here's the thing.
You want her to make you happy.

I want her to make her happy.

And I can do that, you can't.

Anyway, you've got your thing.

What thing?

With your little friend
in the balloon.

Is that...? Oh, shit! Is that...?

Hey, and I want to make her...

I want her to make her happy,
as well...as everything else.

Did you hear me on the radio
with Fran Kelly this morning?

- Caught a bit.
- Pretty funny.

Yep. Let's all die younger.
Had me rolling, mate.

Oh, what's with all the hate?

Oh, I'm just over it,
the whole thing, mate. I want out.

Yeah, well, let me
do the talking today, alright?

It's not just this bullshit,
it's everything.

I've decided to sell the house,
pay these bastards what they want.

Whatever happens,
we can't stay there.

There's not a corner of that place
that Scarlet doesn't inhabit.

Well, it's probably for the best,
mate.

It's not just the house. It's actually
Sydney, it's the nation.

You know, I've been thinking.

You remember you told me
that you and Wendy

- were joking about moving to Sardinia?
- Mm, vaguely.

Actually, I think she's quite into it.

She keeps watching all these docos.

Well, I've done my own
lot of research

and it actually looks
really bloody beautiful.

But Sardinia's what Wendy
and I were thinking of.

Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Well Sardinia's not your dream
Mediterranean escape destination,

it's my dream Mediterranean
escape destination.

It doesn't mean
you own the place, mate.

You'll be wanting to open

a fucking English-language bookshop
there in a minute.

Ah, so when the second coming's
happened and you and Wendy...

- Copycat.
- ..arrive hand in hand,

having won the Lotto,

we'll happily show you
our new home in Sardinia.

Mate, I'm not sure I'm comfortable
with you invading my space.

We've come to a final determination
in the terms of the costs

of rescuing you, Mr Meagher.

Look, ah, just to reiterate -
there was no rescue, remember?

He actually put himself down
on a beach.

Mr Greene, we've been through this.

Now, we were willing
to sit down here

and try and find
a mutually satisfying conclusion.

But both you and Mr Meagher
have been, in my opinion,

aggressively unwilling
to compromise.

Therefore...

What...what is this?

Just have a little look at that
for a second.

I'm not sure if you're aware, but I'm
currently running for the Senate

and those are my numbers.

That's, ah...that's how
we're trending at the moment.

The other thing you should
probably know is that Jack Claymore

is running my campaign.

Yes - Black Jack Claymore.

So, look, guys, in a nutshell...

..I'm going to be a Senator
in a few weeks' time

and certain senior bureaucrats
will be appearing before me

at estimates hearings, and I'm thinking
that those senior bureaucrats

probably won't want to end up
dispensing bedpans in Nauru.

I could be wrong.

A cheque for a hundred grand
for our inconvenience.

- How good was I?
- Not a bad result.

That was exceptional.

So that's 50 each! Holy shit!

- The cheque's made out to me.

You weren't technically a party
to these proceedings...

Oh, yeah, good one, mate.
You're an old tricker.

No, I'm not tricking.

- Are you fucking se...?
- Cleave.

- You're not serious?
- I'm serious.

I've spent 60 on this already.

- Mate!
- I'll give you five.

- Five?
- Five.

- After ev... Five?!
- Five.

- After everything...
- Yeah, for the last time, Cleave,

I was the one in the fucking balloon.

Oh, yeah, "I was the one
in the fucking balloon."

- Yeah.

See you in Sardinia.

Labor is not
the way to go in this state.

The Labor Party's lost its way
and is bereft,

with factional hacks
controlling its every move.

And so I announce my resignation
from the Australian Labor Party.

And further announce
I'm joining the Greens.

Whose membership have asked me
to run for a seat in the Senate.

I'm honoured by this request

and will campaign with all
my might and vigour,

because in my heart of hearts
I've always been a Green.

Being a Green doesn't just mean
that you stand for the environment.

It also means you stand for
equality, empathy, equity.

We're the Greens with more E's.

Yes, we've just heard
he's running.

Yes, she's seen the numbers, too.

Yes, but if we just spent more
on the Central Coast then maybe...

No? OK, fine, fi...

Well, there's no need for that!

Language, please! Really!

How's my little Venus going?

- Aww.

Lil?

- Fuck off?
- If you wouldn't mind, dear.

Bloody David Potter. I had a chance!

- I had a chance.
- I know, I know.

But you've just got to remember
one thing, my love.

- What's that?
- He's just David Potter.

I'm Cal McGregor.

Jesus. Say it again.

I'm Cal McGregor

and I will get you elected.

- You're going to get me elected?
- I'm going to get you elected, babe.

- Get me elected.

Finny! Oh!

Finny. Finny!

I mean, that's disgusting.

Mm, is a bit.

- How'd you go at the tribunal?
- Oh, incredible!

- Genius!
- Really?

Genius.
They gave us a hundred grand.

Yeah. Barnyard has stolen most of it,
of course,

because he thinks that's fair.

But you know...

- Oh, my God.

We could zip out
and have a little celebrate.

No, we couldn't.
Jack's taking me to a concert.

- Oh.

What, is KD Lang in town,
or Melissa Etheridge?

You know what?

I've never seen you so scared
by anyone that I've been with.

- I'm not scared of it.

I think it is scared of me, actually.

That's why it is running my campaign,
so it can get me out of here.

- Because she loves me.
- That's not love.

- That is deranged.
- Yeah.

You know, speaking of deranged,

I heard you on the radio
this morning with Fran.

What? Pretty funny, don't you think?

Cleave, you know, I used to love
the way that you wrecked dinner parties

when we were at uni, when you had
an actual fire in your belly...

- Still wreck dinner parties.
- ..when you were young

and you were rude
and you had things to say.

But you know what?
Now it just seems like

you're kind of
generally annoyed all the time.

- Just sort of shitty.
- Oh?

You couldn't abide politicians because
they had no skin in the game.

David has got skin in the game.

David? Who's David?

David Potter. He's running for
the Greens. It's all over the net.

It's a huge story.

What are you talk...? David Potter?

He was up on bloody murder charges
a couple of minutes ago!

- Yeah, and you got him off!
That's why it's a huge story.

Is there nothing of mine he doesn't
covet? Have you noticed this?

Honestly, every time I do anything,
he's right up my clacker.

He's copying my life.

Mm, right, OK. Well,
I'm going to vote for him, so...

We all share this common link.
We all inhabit this small planet.

We all breathe the same air.

What, quoting Kennedy? Seriously?

He steals from dead men.
I mean, I feel sorry for him.

It's an election, Cleaver.
It's actually very important.

I'm not going to vote for someone
I can't take seriously.

- You can't take me seriously?
- No, I can't.

Because you don't
take yourself seriously.

- I take myself...
- No, when we were married,

you used to come home at
five o'clock in the morning

fucking high as a kite,
laughing your tits off,

calling yourself Penis Pan.

- Penis Pan?
- Yeah.

I thought I was El Fucko.

No, Penis Pan
was your nickname for yourself.

- Rubbish.
- And you know, I'm not voting for

El Fucko or Penis Pan.

Penis Pan?

So from a weather point of view,

one of the wackiest candidates
in our upcoming Federal election

is recently-disbarred Sydney barrister
Cleaver Greene.

His policy on 'air quotes' is,
in my opinion, 'out of this world'.

So, Cleaver, you've clearly amused
and enchanted the electorate,

but what is your comedic position
on climate change?

Well, I don't have a comedic position
on climate change, Geoffrey.

It's something I take very seriously.
It's a moral imperative.

And look, it goes beyond climate change.

It really goes to how we change
and adapt as a species.

Essentially, if we drank less,
if we smoked less,

if we consumed less,
we would not only be healthier,

but we would be richer as
a community and as a planet.

You know, there's only so much
the incredible healthcare workers

in our midst can do, and the rest of it
is largely over to us -

to change our lifestyles
in order to promote reform.

This has been a cause of mine
for a great many years

and it's the bedrock of my campaign.

Seriously?
That's what you've got to say?

Because all the other things
I've heard you say...

No, no -
that's exactly what I have to say.

It's something I take very seriously.

- Very.
- Very, very seriously.

- Jesus Christ!
- What? What is it?

I mean, serious health
and economic reform? Really?

- Yes!
- Drink less, consume less?

This is Australia, you idiot!

I am saying what I mean.
I'm saying what I believe.

You mean nothing.
Do you not understand?

You have just taken an enormous crap
in your own bath.

Your whole dipshit differentiation
has gone completely out the window.

I'm more than dipshit, lady.

In what strange planetary alignment
would that actually be, Cleaver?

In the 'fuck you' planetary alignment.

- Oh, fuck you.
- Fuck you.

You have blown it.

All I asked for
was for you to shut up.

You know? Just shut up!

Instead, now you sound like
every other left-wing politician

and your numbers have tanked.

- Oh, numbers.
- I asked you for nothing, Cleaver...

- Oh, OK, alright.
- ..and you couldn't even give me that!

Alright! Do you know what?
It's over. Forget it. It's off.

The deal's done. We're through.

What do you mean, the deal's off?

It was a stupid idea in the first place.
You just beguiled me.

In the same way as you beguiled Wendy,
'cause you're a witch.

You're a witch.

You listen to me, Cleaver.
We had a deal.

Now, I didn't promise
to get you elected...

- Ohh!
- I promised to work very hard...

Oh, so witchy-poo's doing
a little adjusty-poo, is she?

So now it is time for you
to bugger off out of Wendy's life

and let her be happy, with me.

Well, it's interesting because I don't
seem to have a contract anywhere.

I don't even have a deal memo,

which must be pretty unusual
in your line of work, Jack.

You are the most dishonourable
piece of shit I've ever met...

- Oh, says the woman

who has four times had a paedophile
elected to the US Congress!

Oh, says the man who got
a brother rapist acquitted!

Oh, my God.

Oh, this is very disturbing.

We're the same person.

Oh, that's disgusting.
That's disgusting!

Hey, what's up?

Just wanted to let you know
that I'm out of the campaign, OK?

I'm going to take our lives seriously.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on.
What do you mean by 'our lives'?

- I mean, what matters to me is
my family, my friends, my loved ones.

And I want to open that little bookshop
with you in Sardinia, OK?

That's what you want, isn't it?
That's...that's the thing?

Right, so all that concerns you is
your family and your loved ones?

- Yes.

OK. Um...

How was Nicole
when you spoke to her?

Nicole?

- Yeah, you have spoken to her,
haven't you?

Why...? Nicole? Why would...?

- Is she feeling any better?

Because I did tell you that she was
sounding alarmingly depressed.

I'm actually very worried about her.

Oh, oh, oh, yes.
The...the, um...the Bar...

- Oh, for fuck... It's...

His name is Bevan, Cleaver.
It is Bevan.

- Yes.
- You haven't spoken to her.

You know, if you could give me
just an inkling

that you gave a fuck
about anybody but yourself...

This is a completely pointless
conversation.

It's not a... Doc, it's not
a pointless conversation, OK?

It's a good conversation
and you're right, OK?

She is a devoted and loyal friend
and I am onto it, Doc, OK?

Oh, look,
I'm here to help out, OK?

Just will you at least get up
off the fucking bed?

No, Bevan's right.
I am a bad person!

Yes, you're not great, but you've got
your whole life ahead of you, alright?

You can get your shit together,
hopefully.

Because...because I always thought

that you were the root
of everything rotten in my life, that...

- What?
- ..somehow you infected everything,

- but it is me! It is all me!
- Oh, I'm sorry!

You thought I was the root
of everything rotten in your life?

- Yes!
- I'll tell you who the root is.

The root has probably got her ear
fixed to the other side of this door

and her name is Maria!

- Oh, aha!

Oh my God!
You are disgusting!

I can't even bear looking at your face!

Sorry, what is it
you cunt face, Maria?

- Mama!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Get off me!

Mama! Wyjść!

I'm really, uh...
trying to help out here.

I know it mightn't seem it,
but I am.

What... Just...

- Tell me. What can I do?
- I don't know.

Well, what do you want?

I just told you that I don't know!

OK, but there must be something.
What do you...?

I saw the full footage of Barney
on Australian Story

and he did say
some very beautiful things about me.

Yeah. I mean, he told you at the time
he said beautiful things about you.

Yeah, I know,
but I didn't believe him.

Well, why didn't you believe him?

Well, because I thought that he was
still deep down in love with Scarlet

and that he was really with me
because of her being with you

and I don't even know
why that surprises me.

I mean, even
Harry 'fucking sorry David'

was with Missy and Scarlet.

Oh, gosh.

I mean, the world is just
one big sexual revolving door!

Look, you just feel like
you fucked things up with Barney.

Oh, I just told you that!
Weren't you even listening to me?!

OK, don't...don't... Goddammit!

OK, because I know for a fact
that he misses you.

And he...

..would love to see you.

Well, how do you know that?

Because I know things.

Thanks. Thanks for your help.
Take care.

Aren't you going to say,
"Get in the car"?

Ah, you really are trapped in
the '80s, aren't you, Cal?

I understand. That was your era.

That was your decade,
your time to shine.

My question is - what are you
going to do if I don't get in the car?

So how about you get out of the car,
or you piss off?

Get in the car.

Get out of the car.

Get in...the car.

Get out of the car.

- Get in the car.
- Get out of the car!

- David, this is serious.
- Yeah, right.

It's about preferences.

Get in the fucking car.

Sangers. My shout.

Chicken or pulled pork?

You talking about
the sandwiches or us?

Huh? Come on.

Lucky dip.

I had lunch hours ago.
What time zone are you living in?

Listen, Barnyard...

You know, Cleave, we've never really
talked about Scarlet.

We have wept, we have drunk,
but we've never really had

a sensible conversation about her,
not since she died.

Oh, mate.

You can't... Honestly, you can't get...
Honestly...

She was Scarlet, alright?

She was brilliant, beautiful, flighty,

pain in the arse...adorable...

..Scarlet.

I miss her, you know.

I think about her all the time.

The best thing you can do...

Is to be happy. I know.

- Yes.
- Especially for our kids.

Yes. Just find the happy, mate.

It's gone in the twinkling of an eye.

Just...find the happy.

So where do I go
to find this 'happy', Cleave?

Ah, you're barking up
the wrong person here, mate.

Really?

What I do know though, Barnyard,
is that there's somebody else

at the moment who's pretty busted
and needs to find the happy.

Just putting it out there, you know?

Thank you very much.

Mr Greene, how are you?

Mr Poulos, very well.

How's Mrs Poulos
with the death of Mrs Clinton?

Is she alright?

Mrs Clinton's death has left us
with a grief that cannot die.

Mm. I'm sorry.

But I do have some good news.

Our grandson is marrying.

- Ah. Syncharitíria.
- Thank you.

But my wife is very keen to have him
and his bride live close,

so I've been letting the neighbours know
that if anyone is considering selling,

I would make a very attractive offer.

- Really?
- Mm.

Mr Poulos.

Not one fucking word, bitch!

I am so sorry.

So am I.

Hey. What's that?

- Little boat.

Da-da-da-da!

What the hell is wrong with you,
Cleaver?

What's going on?

She could have broken her ankle,
or worse!

And you were laughing at her!

She needed an ambulance
and you just walked away laughing.

- An ambulance?
- Are you back on coke again?

- We're not judging you.
- I am judging you.

What is...? Has everybody gone insane?
I'm back on coke?

- What are you...?
- Everybody calm down, please.

It was perfectly erect
the last time I saw it.

It is absolutely fine. It is not broken.

It's a very, very bad sprain, but I...

..I really don't want to make
a big deal about it, Wendy.

Are you out of your fricking minds?
Are you buying this bullshit?

Honestly!

Do you seriously believe that
in the last two hours since I saw it,

it sprained its ankle and - what? -
the ambulance came and collected it

and took it to outpatients

and put it in the queue
ahead of all the other outpatients

and got it mended
and brought it back here again?

Have any of you had any experience

with the New South Wales
healthcare system recently?

It doesn't really work like that.

You're really making a fool of yourself.

Oh, I'm making a fool...? She's making
morons out of all of you!

And meanwhile, I've been charged with
the serious responsibility

of fixing the life of Barney and Nicole

and bringing them back together again.

Tick. Done. Those two are like that.

So maybe a little less of the
"boo, Cleaver!" for this bullshit,

and a little bit more,
"Oh, good on you, Cleave!

"Well done, Cleave!""

Cleaver, we all think
that you need some help.

Do you? Do you think that?

There's your help. Have a look at that.

- What is it?
- That'll help.

No, you actually can't believe
a word that he says.

A fully paid ticket to Sardinia
for two.

It's one way.

Yes. One way.

No opt-out. Just commitment.

One way. And it's economy!

Cleave, what are you thinking?

Your mother and I are opening

an English-language bookshop
in Sardinia.

Why would you open an
English-language bookshop

- in Sardinia?
- Oh, you should just butt out!

- Why English?
- That's a little racist.

It does sound racist.

What do you mean, why English?
It's just an English language...

- When you go to a different...
- Ask her.

and you can't find anything to read
and it's just hard to find...

Guys, it's an English-language bookshop
in Sardinia, alright?

- It could be Indonesian, actually.
- It couldn't be Indonesian!

I don't speak Indonesian.
It's not going to be...

I'm sorry for being so confusing,
everybody. Here are the parameters.

It's an English...language...bookshop
in Sardinia, alright?

- Wendy.
- It's pretty straightforward.

The Italian Foreign Minister
is a really good friend of mine.

Oh, don't start this shit.
Look at her sneaky little face!

- Nobody's asking you anything.
- She got a...

She got a paedophile
elected to US Congress...

Oh, really? You want to bring that up?

How could you trust anything she says?

You got a brother rapist acquitted,
Mr Cleaver.

- Ooh, look at this!
- You are a disgusting man.

Ooh, we're already on the plane.
Ciao!

- You don't have a job.
- Ciao, bella!

You have nothing. You don't
even have a job to retire from.

- I've got nothing?
- Nothing!

I have nothing?

I have just sold this house
for a very tidy profit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on.
How can you sell this house?

It's not for sale. It's my house!

Mr Poulos next door
has made a pretty incredible offer.

But, Cleave, this is not
your house to sell. It's my house.

- What sort of offer?
- I don't think you'll be disappointed.

I don't understand how you can
come in and just sell my house!

I don't think
you'll be disappointed.

Come on, what was the offer?
One point five?

Three million dollars.

Mr Poulos offered you
three million dollars?

Sydney property.

Oh, shit.

- Hey!

What, is not knocking
a generational trend or something?

How much did Mr Poulos really offer?

One point eight.

I knew it wasn't three.

One point three.

- One point three?
- Mm.

- Shit.
- Mm.

- So you're a bit short?
- Bit short.

Your Mum's got
a real blind spot with Jack.

Have you noticed that?

- With Jack?
- Mm.

Says the man who just
lied about the price of a house

he has no right to sell.

Yeah, I don't know why I did that.

Actually, I do know why I did that.

I have no sense of life's continuum.

Do you understand?

- Do you?
- No, that's my point.

I...

..live in the moment.

Every single tiny little moment,
I always have. I've always...

..wanted every moment
to be glorious.

And you hit a point in your life
where you've got so many defeats

racked up against you that you just...

I don't know,
every little victory is significant,

even the pathetic ones.

Hence the fuckwittery
that you just observed out there

and the humiliation
that will doubtless ensue.

I would really like your mum

to be happy and secure,

but I'm buggered if I know how.

Don't worry about security, Cleave.
I got that covered.

Oh, you've got that covered?

Yeah, I have some money.

Oh. Since when?

All that time
spent in front of computers.

Watching porn?

Not watching porn
most of the time, Cleave.

I build apps.

Apps?
What, like Nicole's ex-bastard?

Bevan's a bit of a legend, actually.

And I'm pretty good at it too,
it seems.

In the last six months
I've had three bestsellers.

- Bestsellers?
- Yeah.

Games about the weather,
the environment.

They're fun, quasi-educational.

Parents are happy to buy them for
their kids so they're really popular.

You know, polar bears in Hawaii,
that sort of thing.

No, I don't know. I have no idea.

What are you...?
Polar bears in Hawaii? What is that?

I just... I want you to know
that Mum will always be OK.

My accountants have set up a trust.

Accountants?

- Plural?
- Yeah.

She doesn't know about it yet.

I just need you to know
that she'll always be secure.

So you and Jack can keep
your pissing contest going,

as far as I'm concerned.

I just want Mum to be happy.

Where did you come from?

With my DNA in your veins...

..where did you come from,
with all your wisdom?

He cannot be serious.
Wendy, it's got to be bullshit.

Yeah, but if we sold it for three,
that's a...

You know, I've made a lot of money.
He wouldn't lie about that.

He wouldn't? He is Cleaver Greene.

Oh, and look, here he is.
Why don't we just ask him?

How much did you really get,
Cleaver?

One point three.

You see?

One point three.

I, um, may have gotten
a little carried away there.

That's the most pathetic thing
I've ever heard.

I lose. OK?

I lose.

The fact of the matter is that
you've always been too good for me,

and I know that.

I mean, I might be a moron
but I'm not a moron.

Um...and you blessed me with your love
for a few years

and you gave me him.

And I'm eternally grateful

and I do want you to be happy

and I'm not going to haggle
over your future, so...

..you know, you and Jackiavelli can
sail off into the Sardinian sunset

and I'm going to grab my little dilly
bag and get the fuck out of here.

I think we need one more.

It's the feet.
I'm still not sure about the feet.

What's wrong with our feet?

Oh, for Christ's sake,
it's election day.

This has to be on the net
before the polls open,

you failed fucking bovine transplant
of a human being.

You alright, sweetie?

Cal.

I just want to get things right
for you.

It'll be fine.

Fucking get on with it!

Fuck.

Brian, please, just park something
into your mouth, OK?

You know, I have not slept
for three days because of you.

I did not say Greene with an 'e'.
I said the Greens.

Are you a total imbecile?

It is not the Greens with a fucking 'e'!

Fuck!

Oh, sweet Jesus!

- How is this possible?
- What is it? What?

Brian, I will call you back.

I, Cal McGregor,

take you, Jane Greene,

to be my lawful wedded wife.

- That is Cleaver's sister, right?
- What is it?

And I, Jane Greene,
take you, Cal McGregor,

to be my lawful wedded husband.

Steaming piece of crap
is what it is!

- Is it even real?

- It's Cal McGregor!

This is going to go instantly viral.

Shit, the polls open any second!

She's going to get 200,000 votes
because of this.

Wendy, this is going to change
the whole fucking Senate,

do you understand?

- Hey, Doc.
- My father hated lilies.

Yeah. That's why that picture.

I spent hours trying to find a photo
of the most beautiful lilies I could,

just because I knew it would shit him.

Even though he's dead.

- God, he loathed you.
- And I him.

But you know, you seemed to love him,
so let's raise a cat-killing flower

to the old bastard.

Oh shit. I gotta go, Doc.

Some of us have got
sun-drenched, north-facing,

meticulously-maintained apartments
to let out.

- See ya.
- See ya.

Idiots!

Hey, Jack, what day did your dad die?

What?

Ah, what...? Why do you ask?

It's the anniversary of my Dad's death,
so I was just...

Oh, babe, I'm sorry.
I should have remembered.

No, no, no, it's alright.
I didn't expect...

- What day did he die?
- Oh, um...

It was, uh...it was August 17, yeah.

It was...it was...

It was a day.

- It was March 23rd, Jack.
- Really?

Oh. Well, then...right.

August 17 must be my Mum.

April 24th was your Mum.

You know what?

If you want me to remember
anniversaries,

you're going to have to put them
into my laptop,

because I need to set reminders

because I'm really fucking busy
most of the time, OK?

And it's fine. I don't object
to your hippy, yoga-filled lifestyle

because I adore you,

but fucking election day, and do we have
to have this conversation right now?!

It's also the day that my father died.

I just asked you what day
your dad died, and you didn't know.

Come on.

The owner wants 600 a week for this?

- Shit, what was that?
- Oh.

Yeah, don't worry.

That's all part of the remediation works
that are in process.

600 bucks a week
with a leaking ceiling?

Oh, well, you know.

I mean, it's the Sydney property market
so it's very, you know,

it's a very, very hot market.

Now, guys, are you keen on
filling in a rental application form?

- The ceiling is leaking.
- Yeah, that's...

..the remediation work.

It's very much underway.

Oh.

That'll be it right now.

But, guys, look - what you've got to
think about is the character.

I mean, I'm all about
the character in a place,

and it's the details, isn't it?

It's the, you know...
It's the...little things

that go to make up a...

And it's the sense of history as well.

There's no history here whatsoever.

If you spend enough time in
this apartment, there will be history.

The ceiling's leaking.

Underbelly was shot here, apparently.

Fuck!

Oh, my...

Oh, it is too good, it's too good!

- Can you believe it?
- Oh, God.

You know what? I think
it sort of makes perfect sense

that Cal McGregor should end up
being your brother-in-law.

I know what you mean.

I hope God's up there
laughing his balls off.

You know he does this
for his own entertainment?

- Mm-hm.
- So...

..how are things your end?

Where are you?

- What's up, Doc?
- That tie is disgusting.

Well, it's kind of a uniform.

OK, I need you not to speak
for a second.

I just need you not to say anything
at all for one second, OK?

- OK.
- No, no!

I've been thinking about Sardinia.

Oh, really?

- Maybe.
- What, with Jack the Ripper?

No, not with Jack.
She's driving me mental. No.

She's actually...she's very pushy.

Oh, really? Oh, I hadn't noticed.

Yeah, so I need to ask you
something, OK? Um...

Are you capable of change?

And I ask that knowing that that is
the one question you'll probably fudge.

- Yes, I'm...
- Don't bullshit.

- Don't bullshit me, I swear to God...
- I'm not!

- I need some semblance of truth.
- Whoa, whoa!

I'm not bullshitting you, alright?

I am...I'm...I'm tired.

I'm sick... Look...look at this!

Look at this. Look at that!

I need...I need to spend my life with...

..somebody that I love.
I want some continuum.

- Got your bullshit detector on?
- Yep.

Getting anything?

Well, I'm going to call Mr Poulos.

- Good.
- Yes. I'm going to accept his offer.

Bully for you.

I'm so hot.

Oh, don't touch me.

But I'm so hot!

Oh, I said don't touch me!

Oh, God.

- No, but see, it'd be the only one.
- Ah.

- Because there wouldn't be any other...
- I wonder why.

..Indonesian-language bookshops
in Sardinia.

There might be very good reason
for that, Doc, huh?

In as much as if we open
an Indonesian-language bookshop

in Sardinia, we would never sell
a single book ever.

Not one.

Oh, shit.

OK, we're going to have to bolt.

The owner's going to be here soon
and he's a very big boy.

- Hey?
- Yeah?

Are we really going to do this?

Yes, we're going to do it.

Wanna celebrate?

- How?
- Oh, well, you know.

Here we are
in this delightfully appointed

north-facing, sun-drenched,
empty apartment.

No!

I mean,
we'd probably have to be fast, but...

No, I'm insane.
I'm an insane psychologist.

All psychologists are insane.
The rest of us have always known that.

I'm terrified.

I'm excited.

Well, if the early exit polls
are to be believed,

they are consistent with the last
three months of published polling

and if that's the case,
the government will be returned...

- Why are we watching the ABC?
- It's free.

A few interesting seats to watch,
though,

particularly in South Australia
and Victoria,

where the trend is bucking a little

and a couple of government ministers
seem to have fights on their hands.

But all eyes, predictably enough,
are turning to the Senate.

Antony, this was expected to be
the case with the voting rules.

Hey, babe. Where are you?

Just...just give me a call back.
OK, bye.

And with Cleaver Greene
on the left-hand side

there's a bit of donkey vote,
bit of confusion,

and he seems to be polling very well
at the moment.

Yes, Cleaver Greene.
No relation, Anthony?

No relation at all.

Annabel, is he the first jailbird,
if he makes it?

The first jailbird we've had
in the Senate?

Look, the thing that blows me away
about tonight

is that there is this mounting pattern
of the donkey vote

just commanding
this extraordinary influence.

I mean, I assume that there's
some fired up Green voters

that are bringing this dissolute lawyer
into the Senate.

Well, we also have with us

the former leader of
the New South Wales Labor opposition,

now Senate candidate
for the Greens, David Potter.

Ah. Joke!

- Is he gay?
- Oh, as camp as a row of tents.

..Queensland and Victoria
is very encouraging.

A swing to the Greens is on.

What about in your own state
of New South Wales

where you are second on the ballot?

Well, it's too early to call.

But I mean, this is the ballot paper
for the Senate in New South Wales.

And amazingly, it's smaller than it was
at the last election,

- owing to the Senate reforms...
- Wendy?

Can you please call me back? Thanks.

..there are still preference deals
in place.

So it's... Yeah, it could be simpler,
couldn't it?

Tony, it's got to be observed
that this is yet another example

of the behaviour of Greens voters.

They just go to the first name that
looks like a Greens on the ballot paper,

tick it and that's it!

In defence of this guy, though,

he seems to have taken
the precaution of committing...

Are you alright, darling?

..most of his atrocities
before actually entering the Senate.

Now, that's unorthodox, right?

Get another drink, shall I?

But it is remarkable that,
knowing what this man is like -

I mean, his record

is there for the public to see,
and yet there is a possibility

that he is going to be elected
as a Senator.

What's his reputation in the Sydney bar,
for the national audience?

Oh, rotten.
I mean, a complete disgrace.

Wendy, where the fuck are you?

- Give me a call alright?
- And to think that he

comes back from the professional dead
as a Senator for New South Wales

is breathtaking.

Oh, it's not even the stupidest
thing that's happened all year, David.

- Look, on one level...
- Oh fuck.

..it's great for journalists.

- On the other, it's pretty scary...
- It's always great for journalists when

a madman makes his way into politics.
- I love it.

It's going to be a fascinating Senate.

You fucking loser.

- Sorry?
- Loser!

Just settle down, pumpkin.

I mean,
you're still in with a chance.

In with a chance?

- Ah!
- You're Cal McGregor!

I don't fucking think so.

The Cal McGregor I knew
could get things fucking done!

Who are you, you tragedy of a man?

You're no Cal McGregor.

No, no, no, darling. I'm Cal McGregor.

Pour me a drink.

So are you ready?

- You're really, really ready?
- Yes, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready,

- I'm good to go.
- OK.

Oh.

Oh, that's not a Jack attack, is it?

Yeah, but I'm not going to answer it
and we're going to go in

and do this together, right?

- Yes, we are. Yes, we are.
- OK.

What is going on here?

I mean, is it the donkey vote,
as has been suggested?

Uh, g'day, mate.

Oh, Jesus.

What?

I think you're in, Cleave.

I'm in? I'm in what?

Well, we won't know for a bit

but it looks like
you're going to be a Senator.

..across the ballot paper,
and with Cleaver Greene,

it may have delivered somebody into
the Senate nobody's ever heard of.

Could he end up holding
the balance of power?

I think the issue is more
he's there more as an individual.

He may be one of
several individuals...

And, um, while we're in the mood
for announcements...

..Missy and I are having a baby.

What?

- What?

It looks like you're going to be
a Senator

and I'm going to be a father.

You're having a baby with...

Are you two...are you...are you...

..are you two having a baby, honestly?
Really?

- Really.
- Ah!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh my God!

No, no, no.
You have got to be fucking kidding me!

That's disgusting.

So it seems there was
some confusion

about the meaning of 'Greene'
on the ballot.

My clients are screaming
green murder.

Even the ABC guy, his name is Green,
Antony Green.

It's Greens, Greens everywhere,
like a fucking family conspiracy!

- You prick!
- Me?

You bastard!

Cleaver Greene in the Senate,
it's disgusting.

And yet the people seem
to have spoken, Jack, huh?

Are you having a baby, you two?

Hey, Cleave, Cleave.

What about Sardinia, and me?

Well, we...we have to sort that out.

I mean, I'll probably have to...
postpone it for...

What's a Senator's term? Six...

- Six years.
- Six years.

So you're going to choose Canberra
and politics over Sardinia and me?

He has to. He's been elected.

- Well I...I...I am a Senator.
- Oh! You are a Senator?

Yes. And you will be
the future Mrs Senator Greene.

How does that sound? Do you love it?

She does not love it.

Wendy and I will go to Sardinia.

- Darling, we will go to Sardinia.
- Listen,

can you get your own retirement plan?

Mum, you can't go to Sardinia.
She's going to be a grandmother!

You know what I
would really fucking love?

Is if you four
got the fuck out of my house.

And that includes you, Fuzzy, darling.

My very wealthy son.
Don't think I didn't know about that.

And you, Melissa.

And you, Jack.

And you know what?
I am just sick to death

of my life being governed
by other people's decisions.

- Absolutely.
- Oh, and you,

Senator Fuckwit,

every night when you go to sleep,
I want you to think very, very clearly,

"I have just totally
fucking blown this."

Oh, get out!

♪ Never know how much I love you

♪ Never know how much I care

♪ When you put your arms around me

♪ I get a Cleaver that's so hard to bear

♪ You give me Cleaver

♪ When you kiss me
Cleaver when you hold me tight

♪ Cleaver in the morning

♪ Cleaver all through the night... ♪

Prime Minister, we speak at last.

♪ Cleaver till you sizzle

♪ What a lovely way to burn

♪ What a lovely way to burn

♪ What a lovely way to burn. ♪