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8
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>> That should be
against the law, you know?
9
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Really, Congress should pass on a
minimum against all you can eat buffets.
10
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>> You could try a little discipline.
11
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>> Discipline?
12
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>> Get that thought out
of your head, you fiend.
13
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>> Would you guys mind if
we stop here just for a minute?
14
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>> Actually, I have to run a phone company.
15
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It seems Julie hasn't paid
her bills in sophomore year.
16
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Just another chapter in her
insidious plot to drive me insane.
17
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>> Seems to be working.
18
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>> [LAUGH]
19
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[MUSIC]
20
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>> Well, watch out.
21
00:01:59,003 --> 00:02:01,000
>> Fucking asshole.
22
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>> Yeah.
23
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>> So, things are going well.
24
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>> Yeah, I've never been this happy.
25
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We're perfectly compatible.
26
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She's very neat, but she's not a fanatic.
27
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>> Like me.
28
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>> She slipped through the
window closed, like a normal person.
29
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>> Well, glad it's working out.
30
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>> And the best thing
is, she's so easy going.
31
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She's not always analyzing me all the time.
32
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>> Okay, I get the idea.
33
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>> Which isn't to say you
didn't have your good points.
34
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>> You're good points.
35
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>> You know, like- >>
This stubborn fanatic
36
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manner in which you
cling to your opinion.
37
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>> You're a spoiled brat.
38
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You've had your way for so long,
you never think of other people.
39
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>> You can far lay a pack of cigarettes
into something more than 20 smokes.
40
00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:43,000
>> Well, way too many to mention, really.
41
00:02:43,003 --> 00:02:45,000
What are you looking for?
42
00:02:45,003 --> 00:02:46,000
>> Oh, it's nothing.
43
00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:50,000
Richard did a Calvin Klein
underwear I had and I- Here it is.
44
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[LAUGH]
45
00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:54,000
Look, doesn't he look cute?
46
00:02:54,003 --> 00:02:57,000
[MUSIC]
47
00:02:57,003 --> 00:02:59,000
>> Not much hair on his chest.
48
00:02:59,003 --> 00:03:01,000
>> Hey, do you want to go
to Times Square with me?
49
00:03:01,003 --> 00:03:03,000
They're making this into a billboard.
50
00:03:03,003 --> 00:03:04,508
>> I'd love to, you
know, but I have to
51
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,000
meet the guy from
the Realty Company .
52
00:03:06,003 --> 00:03:10,000
There's something about our sub-letters,
but you go ahead and have a ball.
53
00:03:10,003 --> 00:03:13,000
Just have two of them.
54
00:03:13,003 --> 00:03:15,000
>> Do you have any antacids, please?
55
00:03:15,003 --> 00:03:19,000
[MUSIC]
56
00:03:19,003 --> 00:03:21,000
>> Erwin Bader Esquire, Hunter
Owens Management Company.
57
00:03:21,003 --> 00:03:23,000
>> Martin Tupper.
58
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:26,000
>> What happened to the Spencers?
59
00:03:26,003 --> 00:03:31,000
>> Well, either they're very,
very tiny or they never moved in.
60
00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:35,000
My money's on the
ladder and yours will be too.
61
00:03:35,003 --> 00:03:37,000
>> What are you talking about?
62
00:03:37,003 --> 00:03:40,000
>> I refer you to your lease, paragraph 16.
63
00:03:40,003 --> 00:03:43,000
"Lessie shall be liable for the payment
of rent in the event of any breach
64
00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:46,000
by sub-lessie, his, her assignees,
or successors upon receiving written
65
00:03:46,003 --> 00:03:47,000
notice thereof."
66
00:03:47,003 --> 00:03:52,000
>> The language of ancient Egypt,
not per on this earth for 2,000 years.
67
00:03:52,003 --> 00:03:54,000
>> And in English this means?
68
00:03:54,003 --> 00:03:55,000
>> You're fucked.
69
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:56,430
Yours three months
back rent plus all
70
00:03:56,442 --> 00:03:58,000
future rent till you
find a new tenant .
71
00:03:58,003 --> 00:03:59,000
>> That's impossible.
72
00:03:59,003 --> 00:04:01,000
>> And yet it's become a reality.
73
00:04:01,003 --> 00:04:03,000
>> What about this notice thing?
74
00:04:03,003 --> 00:04:05,000
I never got any notice.
75
00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:07,000
>> Oh, now, Mr. Tupper.
76
00:04:07,003 --> 00:04:08,000
We slipped them right under your door.
77
00:04:08,003 --> 00:04:10,000
In fact, there they are.
78
00:04:10,003 --> 00:04:11,000
>> Oh, wonderful.
79
00:04:11,003 --> 00:04:12,000
That's great.
80
00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:13,000
Why don't I just fucking read them now?
81
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,000
>> Oh, being angry won't help.
82
00:04:15,003 --> 00:04:18,000
>> This is bullshit.
83
00:04:18,003 --> 00:04:19,000
>> I see your point, tell you what.
84
00:04:19,003 --> 00:04:22,000
Supposing I have a little chat with
my supervisor to see what I can do.
85
00:04:22,003 --> 00:04:23,000
>> Thank you.
86
00:04:23,003 --> 00:04:26,000
>> But I'm going to need to hold
a check for our file just in case.
87
00:04:26,003 --> 00:04:27,000
>> No, no, no, no.
88
00:04:27,003 --> 00:04:29,000
I am not going to give you a check.
89
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:33,000
>> I refer you to paragraph
21, "Lessieur, me su."
90
00:04:33,003 --> 00:04:36,000
>> Clarence, there's an old saying
in Connecticut when you got to git.
91
00:04:36,003 --> 00:04:37,000
Git.
92
00:04:37,003 --> 00:04:38,000
>> All right, all right, all right.
93
00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:40,000
But call me before you deposit this.
94
00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:42,000
>> Of course.
95
00:04:42,003 --> 00:04:45,798
>> In the meantime,
I suggest you find a
96
00:04:45,810 --> 00:04:50,000
new subletter, someone
of normal human size.
97
00:04:50,003 --> 00:04:52,000
>> Ha, ha, ha.
98
00:04:52,003 --> 00:05:01,000
[ Music ]
99
00:05:01,003 --> 00:05:02,391
>> Told me I need
you to fax this to
100
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,000
the New York Times
Classified right away.
101
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:05,000
>> Hey, you might want to hold off.
102
00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:07,000
I know a guy who's looking around a place.
103
00:05:07,003 --> 00:05:08,000
>> Really?
104
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,000
Who?
105
00:05:09,003 --> 00:05:10,000
>> My cousin Frankie.
106
00:05:10,003 --> 00:05:11,000
What's the rent?
107
00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:12,000
>> A month.
108
00:05:12,003 --> 00:05:14,000
>> And how many square feet is that?
109
00:05:14,003 --> 00:05:15,000
>> I don't know.
110
00:05:15,003 --> 00:05:17,000
It's big, you know, about 850.
111
00:05:17,003 --> 00:05:20,000
>> Is that big enough for a car dealership?
112
00:05:20,003 --> 00:05:23,000
[ Car horn ]
113
00:05:23,003 --> 00:05:25,000
>> Just fax the thing, will you?
114
00:05:25,003 --> 00:05:26,000
>> Hey, well, don't have a conniption.
115
00:05:26,003 --> 00:05:28,000
I'm just trying to help.
116
00:05:28,003 --> 00:05:31,000
[ Door opens ]
117
00:05:31,003 --> 00:05:33,000
>> Cut.
118
00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:36,000
>> Hi, Martin.
119
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,000
>> Hi.
120
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,000
>> Here you go.
121
00:05:39,003 --> 00:05:41,000
>> Thank you.
122
00:05:41,003 --> 00:05:43,000
>> Hey, I was talking to
your mother this morning.
123
00:05:43,003 --> 00:05:46,000
She says she never sees you anymore.
124
00:05:46,003 --> 00:05:47,000
>> I've been kind of busy.
125
00:05:47,003 --> 00:05:48,839
>> Why don't you
give her a break and
126
00:05:48,851 --> 00:05:51,000
come home for dinner
once in a while, okay?
127
00:05:51,003 --> 00:05:53,000
>> Um, can I talk to you for a minute?
128
00:05:53,003 --> 00:05:55,000
It's kind of personal.
129
00:05:55,003 --> 00:05:56,000
[ Door closes ]
130
00:05:56,003 --> 00:05:58,000
>> Sure, sure.
131
00:05:58,003 --> 00:06:08,000
[ Music ]
132
00:06:08,003 --> 00:06:10,000
[ Door closes ]
133
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:15,000
[ Footsteps ]
134
00:06:15,003 --> 00:06:16,000
>> Is everything all right?
135
00:06:16,003 --> 00:06:19,000
>> Yeah, sort of.
136
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,000
Not exactly.
137
00:06:20,003 --> 00:06:22,000
I kind of have a problem.
138
00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:27,000
>> I've eaten so much of this
stuff every time I sit down, I squish.
139
00:06:27,003 --> 00:06:31,000
>> Well, you know -- [ Music ]
140
00:06:31,003 --> 00:06:36,000
Maybe I can help you.
141
00:06:36,003 --> 00:06:38,000
>> I'm pregnant.
142
00:06:38,003 --> 00:06:39,000
[ Door closes ]
143
00:06:39,003 --> 00:06:40,000
>> Oh, my God.
144
00:06:40,003 --> 00:06:41,000
>> Yeah.
145
00:06:41,003 --> 00:06:45,000
I'm still pretty shocked myself.
146
00:06:45,003 --> 00:06:46,000
>> Yes.
147
00:06:46,003 --> 00:06:50,000
>> In a situation like this, what is
the customary thing the man does?
148
00:06:50,003 --> 00:06:52,000
>> It's not mine, is it?
149
00:06:52,003 --> 00:06:55,000
>> Martin, we haven't
slept together in five months.
150
00:06:55,003 --> 00:06:57,000
But with yours, I'd be like this.
151
00:06:57,003 --> 00:06:58,000
>> I'm sorry.
152
00:06:58,003 --> 00:06:59,000
I'm sorry.
153
00:06:59,003 --> 00:07:01,000
It's just a reflex, you know what I mean?
154
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,000
>> Yeah.
155
00:07:02,003 --> 00:07:04,000
My intercom is on the Fritz.
156
00:07:04,003 --> 00:07:05,000
Would you send a repairman?
157
00:07:05,003 --> 00:07:06,000
Pronto.
158
00:07:06,003 --> 00:07:07,000
>> What happened?
159
00:07:07,003 --> 00:07:10,000
I mean, I know what happened
happened, but -- >> I have no idea.
160
00:07:10,003 --> 00:07:13,000
I mean, we used condoms and a diaphragm.
161
00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:17,000
One of the sperms must have
been an incredible swimmer.
162
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:18,000
>> And the guy?
163
00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:20,000
>> Also a good swimmer.
164
00:07:20,003 --> 00:07:24,000
But he moved back to Paris,
and now I have a souvenir.
165
00:07:24,003 --> 00:07:26,000
>> What are you going to do?
166
00:07:26,003 --> 00:07:28,000
>> I'm going to have an abortion.
167
00:07:28,003 --> 00:07:29,000
>> Oh.
168
00:07:29,003 --> 00:07:30,000
>> I know.
169
00:07:30,003 --> 00:07:31,000
I know.
170
00:07:31,003 --> 00:07:32,391
But, you know,
I've thought it over,
171
00:07:32,403 --> 00:07:34,000
and -- well, that's
what I'm going to do.
172
00:07:34,003 --> 00:07:36,000
And there's only one problem.
173
00:07:36,003 --> 00:07:38,000
I'm sort of broke.
174
00:07:38,003 --> 00:07:41,000
So you think you could float me alone?
175
00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:45,000
>> Julie, have you talked
to your mother about this?
176
00:07:45,003 --> 00:07:46,000
>> Yeah, right.
177
00:07:46,003 --> 00:07:49,000
I mean, I forget to pay a phone bill,
and I get a two-hour tirade about how
178
00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:51,000
irresponsible I am.
179
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:53,000
That's not what I need right now.
180
00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:54,000
>> No, no, no, no.
181
00:07:54,003 --> 00:07:56,000
I'm sure she'll understand.
182
00:07:56,003 --> 00:07:57,000
>> Look, I mean, I'm an adult.
183
00:07:57,003 --> 00:07:59,000
It's my decision.
184
00:07:59,003 --> 00:08:02,000
I really just want to get it over with.
185
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:04,000
Please, I don't know what else to do.
186
00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:05,000
I'll pay you back.
187
00:08:05,003 --> 00:08:06,000
>> No, no, no, no.
188
00:08:06,003 --> 00:08:07,000
It's not the money.
189
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:09,000
It's not that I don't
support your decision.
190
00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:13,000
I really, really think that you
should talk to your mother.
191
00:08:13,003 --> 00:08:14,000
>> Forget it.
192
00:08:14,003 --> 00:08:15,000
I shouldn't have asked.
193
00:08:15,003 --> 00:08:16,000
Don't worry.
194
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:18,000
I'll figure something else out.
195
00:08:18,003 --> 00:08:23,000
>> Wait, wait.
196
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,000
How much do you need?
197
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:28,000
>> $400.75.
198
00:08:28,003 --> 00:08:30,000
For the bagel.
199
00:08:30,003 --> 00:08:32,000
>> No problem.
200
00:08:32,003 --> 00:08:35,000
You want me to come with you?
201
00:08:35,003 --> 00:08:37,000
>> Would you?
202
00:08:37,003 --> 00:08:38,000
That'd be great.
203
00:08:38,003 --> 00:08:41,000
I really appreciate this.
204
00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:44,000
Please, don't say anything to my mother.
205
00:08:44,003 --> 00:08:47,000
>> Julie.
206
00:08:47,003 --> 00:08:52,000
>> Sure.
207
00:08:52,003 --> 00:08:53,000
Sure.
208
00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:55,000
>> Gallic gesture.
209
00:08:56,000 --> 00:09:02,000
[ Music ]
210
00:09:02,003 --> 00:09:03,000
>> Hi.
211
00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:05,000
Just grabbed my
application from the counter.
212
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,000
>> Okay.
213
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:12,000
>> Just fill it out and I'll be
with you as soon as I can.
214
00:09:12,003 --> 00:09:13,000
Sorry.
215
00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:18,000
So, you were saying?
216
00:09:18,003 --> 00:09:19,000
>> Space is like a steal.
217
00:09:19,003 --> 00:09:20,000
Why don't you give it up?
218
00:09:20,003 --> 00:09:24,000
>> Well, I moved in with my girlfriend.
219
00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:25,000
>> You're stupid, ma'am.
220
00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:26,000
>> Okay.
221
00:09:26,003 --> 00:09:29,000
I'm just going to ask you a few questions.
222
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:31,000
First of all, do you smoke?
223
00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:32,000
>> Just pot.
224
00:09:32,003 --> 00:09:33,000
But only in bed.
225
00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:38,000
[ Music ]
226
00:09:38,003 --> 00:09:39,000
>> So, where do you work?
227
00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:40,000
At home.
228
00:09:40,003 --> 00:09:41,000
>> Really?
229
00:09:41,003 --> 00:09:42,000
Really.
230
00:09:42,003 --> 00:09:43,000
What do you do?
231
00:09:43,003 --> 00:09:44,000
>> I breed insects.
232
00:09:44,003 --> 00:09:48,000
[ Music ]
233
00:09:48,003 --> 00:09:53,000
>> Look, I want this apartment
and I'll do whatever it takes to get in.
234
00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:56,000
>> You like blow jobs?
235
00:09:56,003 --> 00:09:58,000
[ Music ]
236
00:09:58,003 --> 00:10:01,000
>> Just first and last month's rental deal.
237
00:10:01,003 --> 00:10:04,000
>> Fucking A, I got it right here.
238
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,000
>> Terrific.
239
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:06,000
>> Rickety.
240
00:10:06,003 --> 00:10:08,000
>> This is for $800.
241
00:10:08,003 --> 00:10:09,000
>> Uh-huh.
242
00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:12,000
>> The rent is $1,400 a month.
243
00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:15,000
I mean, no, 1,400 times two is
about -- >> Whoa, whoa, whoa.
244
00:10:15,003 --> 00:10:16,000
What are you trying to pull, man?
245
00:10:16,003 --> 00:10:18,000
Your attitude is the rent is $400.
246
00:10:18,003 --> 00:10:20,000
>> What?
247
00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:21,000
>> Shit.
248
00:10:21,003 --> 00:10:23,000
This is a misprint.
249
00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:24,000
>> I'm sorry.
250
00:10:24,003 --> 00:10:26,000
>> You could always just
write out another check.
251
00:10:26,003 --> 00:10:27,000
>> What?
252
00:10:27,003 --> 00:10:29,000
I'm not paying $1,400
a month for this dump.
253
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,000
I should kick your fucking ass.
254
00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:33,000
>> Excuse me, did you say $1,400?
255
00:10:33,003 --> 00:10:34,000
The answer is $400.
256
00:10:34,003 --> 00:10:36,000
>> Well, either way, it's a terrific value.
257
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,000
>> $1,400.
258
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,000
>> Oh, come on.
259
00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:40,000
Come on, this place is huge.
260
00:10:40,003 --> 00:10:42,000
I mean, and look at all this exposed brick.
261
00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:42,976
I mean, everywhere
you look, you know,
262
00:10:42,988 --> 00:10:44,000
it's brick, brick,
brick, brick, brick.
263
00:10:44,003 --> 00:10:53,000
[ Music ]
264
00:10:53,003 --> 00:10:54,000
>> Toby, I need you to call the times.
265
00:10:54,003 --> 00:10:55,000
There's a misprint in this side.
266
00:10:55,003 --> 00:10:56,000
Look at this.
267
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,000
They listed the rent as $400 a month.
268
00:10:58,003 --> 00:10:59,000
>> That was no misprint.
269
00:10:59,003 --> 00:11:01,000
That was my strategy.
270
00:11:01,003 --> 00:11:02,000
>> What?
271
00:11:02,003 --> 00:11:04,000
How would you do something like that?
272
00:11:04,003 --> 00:11:05,000
>> It's common sense.
273
00:11:05,003 --> 00:11:07,000
That way, you'll get more calls.
274
00:11:07,003 --> 00:11:08,000
See?
275
00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:09,000
It worked.
276
00:11:09,003 --> 00:11:11,000
>> Give me those.
277
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,000
How can I get rid of this woman?
278
00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:14,000
>> Hey, Martin.
279
00:11:14,003 --> 00:11:15,000
Hey, Toby.
280
00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:17,000
>> Hi.
281
00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:19,000
Are you ready to go?
282
00:11:19,003 --> 00:11:20,000
>> Yeah.
283
00:11:20,003 --> 00:11:23,000
Let me just change and we'll
meet you in the server, okay?
284
00:11:23,003 --> 00:11:25,000
>> I'll be out of the office until about 2.
285
00:11:25,003 --> 00:11:26,000
>> Oh, yeah.
286
00:11:26,003 --> 00:11:28,000
Today's the big day, isn't it?
287
00:11:28,003 --> 00:11:29,000
>> What do you mean?
288
00:11:29,003 --> 00:11:32,000
>> You think I don't
know where you're going?
289
00:11:32,003 --> 00:11:34,000
You should be ashamed of yourself.
290
00:11:34,003 --> 00:11:35,000
>> Toby, please.
291
00:11:35,003 --> 00:11:36,000
Don't say that.
292
00:11:36,003 --> 00:11:38,000
>> You're going to the
boat show, aren't you?
293
00:11:38,003 --> 00:11:42,000
Well, if you're going, I'm going.
294
00:11:42,003 --> 00:11:43,000
>> Can't fool you.
295
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,000
I'll tell you what.
296
00:11:45,003 --> 00:11:47,000
We'll meet you there.
297
00:11:47,003 --> 00:12:01,000
>> Hi.
298
00:12:01,003 --> 00:12:03,000
I'm Julie Gower.
299
00:12:03,003 --> 00:12:05,000
I have an appointment with Dr. Wise.
300
00:12:05,003 --> 00:12:06,000
>> Okay.
301
00:12:06,003 --> 00:12:07,000
I'll need you to fill out some forms.
302
00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:09,000
How do you want to arrange for payment?
303
00:12:09,003 --> 00:12:10,000
>> Martin, take over.
304
00:12:10,003 --> 00:12:12,000
>> I'll be taking care of that.
305
00:12:12,003 --> 00:12:14,000
>> And you are Mr. Gower?
306
00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:15,000
>> No, no.
307
00:12:15,003 --> 00:12:16,000
I'm not her husband.
308
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:19,000
>> Actually, I was thinking father.
309
00:12:19,003 --> 00:12:21,000
>> No, I just looked at him.
310
00:12:21,003 --> 00:12:22,000
I worry a lot.
311
00:12:22,003 --> 00:12:23,000
>> No, I'm not her father.
312
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:24,000
I'm Martin Tupper.
313
00:12:24,003 --> 00:12:27,000
I'm her mother's boyfriend.
314
00:12:27,003 --> 00:12:28,000
>> I see.
315
00:12:28,003 --> 00:12:30,000
>> No, no, no, no.
316
00:12:30,003 --> 00:12:31,000
I don't think you understand.
317
00:12:31,003 --> 00:12:36,000
See, I'm not the -- I mean,
she's not my girlfriend.
318
00:12:36,003 --> 00:12:38,000
>> I'm his ex-girlfriend.
319
00:12:38,003 --> 00:12:40,000
But it's not his.
320
00:12:40,003 --> 00:12:42,000
It's kind of a long story.
321
00:12:42,003 --> 00:12:44,000
>> I'll just put down friend.
322
00:12:44,003 --> 00:12:46,000
>> Friend will be fine.
323
00:12:46,003 --> 00:12:47,000
>> Okay, Julie.
324
00:12:47,003 --> 00:12:48,940
Why don't you have
a seat, fill out this
325
00:12:48,952 --> 00:12:51,000
form, and we'll call
you when we're ready.
326
00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:53,000
>> Thanks.
327
00:12:53,003 --> 00:13:01,000
>> Hello.
328
00:13:01,003 --> 00:13:04,000
Look, new mommy magazine.
329
00:13:04,003 --> 00:13:06,000
How's that for irony?
330
00:13:06,003 --> 00:13:08,000
How are you doing?
331
00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:09,000
You okay?
332
00:13:09,003 --> 00:13:11,000
>> Considering.
333
00:13:11,003 --> 00:13:12,000
How are you?
334
00:13:12,003 --> 00:13:14,000
You look a little peckered.
335
00:13:14,003 --> 00:13:15,000
>> Me?
336
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,000
Oh, I'm fine.
337
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,000
Fine.
338
00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:18,000
I'm -- Aces.
339
00:13:18,003 --> 00:13:21,000
>> I'm here for my mammogram.
340
00:13:21,003 --> 00:13:24,000
It's not the most pleasant procedure,
341
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:29,000
but at my age, it's nice to get
them handled once in a while.
342
00:13:29,003 --> 00:13:34,000
>> Right.
343
00:13:34,003 --> 00:13:37,000
Julie, the doctor will see you now.
344
00:13:37,003 --> 00:13:40,000
>> Well, here we go.
345
00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:44,000
>> Everything's going to be okay.
346
00:13:44,003 --> 00:13:45,000
>> I know.
347
00:13:45,003 --> 00:13:46,000
Thanks for being here.
348
00:13:46,003 --> 00:13:48,000
Oh, I almost forgot.
349
00:13:48,003 --> 00:13:50,000
I stole you a muffin.
350
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:52,000
Oh.
351
00:13:52,003 --> 00:13:54,000
>> I guess I sat on it.
352
00:13:54,003 --> 00:13:56,000
>> That's okay.
353
00:13:56,003 --> 00:14:01,000
>> I'll eat it.
354
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:09,000
[ Music ]
355
00:14:09,003 --> 00:14:11,000
>> Is it quiet?
356
00:14:11,003 --> 00:14:13,000
Because I like quiet.
357
00:14:13,003 --> 00:14:14,000
>> Are you kidding?
358
00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:16,000
It's like a cemetery.
359
00:14:16,003 --> 00:14:20,000
There's lots of light, and the best
thing is there's tons of exposed brick.
360
00:14:20,003 --> 00:14:23,000
I mean, literally, just tons, you know?
361
00:14:23,003 --> 00:14:25,000
And this is practically
not what's going on.
362
00:14:25,003 --> 00:14:26,000
>> I noticed there's no doorman.
363
00:14:26,003 --> 00:14:28,000
Does it say?
364
00:14:28,003 --> 00:14:30,000
>> What?
365
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:33,000
>> I said, is it safe without a doorman?
366
00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:35,000
>> Yes, yes, it's safe.
367
00:14:35,003 --> 00:14:37,000
You wouldn't believe how safe it is.
368
00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:39,000
No crime at all.
369
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,000
>> What's going on?
370
00:14:40,003 --> 00:14:41,000
>> Hey!
371
00:14:41,003 --> 00:14:43,000
>> Get out of here.
372
00:14:43,003 --> 00:14:46,000
>> Mr. Zoldesi, put that gun down.
373
00:14:46,003 --> 00:14:48,000
>> Who the hell are you?
374
00:14:48,003 --> 00:14:50,000
>> It's me, Martin Tupper.
375
00:14:50,003 --> 00:14:52,000
I've lived next door to you for 17 years.
376
00:14:52,003 --> 00:14:55,000
>> I've never seen you before in my life.
377
00:14:55,003 --> 00:14:58,000
I am calling the cops.
378
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:06,000
[Music]
379
00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:08,000
>> This almost never happens.
380
00:15:08,003 --> 00:15:19,000
[Music]
381
00:15:19,003 --> 00:15:21,000
>> Hello?
382
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:25,000
I'm home.
383
00:15:25,003 --> 00:15:26,000
Okay?
384
00:15:26,003 --> 00:15:27,000
>> Hi.
385
00:15:27,003 --> 00:15:28,000
>> Jesus.
386
00:15:28,003 --> 00:15:29,000
Jesus.
387
00:15:29,003 --> 00:15:31,000
You scared me.
388
00:15:31,003 --> 00:15:32,000
Come here.
389
00:15:32,003 --> 00:15:34,000
>> So how are you?
390
00:15:34,003 --> 00:15:36,000
Do you feel okay?
391
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,000
>> I feel great.
392
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,000
>> Are you sure?
393
00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:39,000
>> Yeah, yeah, I feel fine.
394
00:15:39,003 --> 00:15:40,000
Why?
395
00:15:40,003 --> 00:15:43,000
>> Because this bill came
from your gynecologist.
396
00:15:43,003 --> 00:15:46,000
>> Lie, lie, you hear me lie.
397
00:15:46,003 --> 00:15:50,000
>> Well, it must be a mistake
because I have no ovaries.
398
00:15:50,003 --> 00:15:51,859
>> Which makes
the bounce check with
399
00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:54,000
your name on it all
the more mysterious .
400
00:15:54,003 --> 00:15:56,000
>> We've landed in something all right.
401
00:15:56,003 --> 00:15:57,000
But it's not butter.
402
00:15:57,003 --> 00:16:00,000
>> That fucking guy from the real estate
company must have cashed my check.
403
00:16:00,003 --> 00:16:03,000
You know, I ought to kick his ass.
404
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,000
>> Martin, what's going on?
405
00:16:04,003 --> 00:16:07,000
Dr. Wise is Julie's gynecologist.
406
00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:09,000
>> Telephone.
407
00:16:09,003 --> 00:16:11,000
>> I'll get it.
408
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,000
>> Hello?
409
00:16:13,003 --> 00:16:15,000
Yeah, yes, it is.
410
00:16:15,003 --> 00:16:17,000
But the rent is $1,400 a month.
411
00:16:17,003 --> 00:16:19,000
Hello?
412
00:16:19,003 --> 00:16:22,000
They hung up.
413
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,000
Did I tell you what Toby did to me?
414
00:16:26,003 --> 00:16:27,000
>> Cut the shit, Martin.
415
00:16:27,003 --> 00:16:29,000
I want the truth right now.
416
00:16:29,003 --> 00:16:31,000
>> Look, fella, let's not kid ourselves.
417
00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:32,000
We flew this one.
418
00:16:32,003 --> 00:16:34,000
>> I took Julie to the doctor.
419
00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:35,000
>> Why? What for?
420
00:16:35,003 --> 00:16:36,000
>> I don't know.
421
00:16:36,003 --> 00:16:37,000
I don't know.
422
00:16:37,003 --> 00:16:39,000
You're some woman thing,
you know, but she's fine.
423
00:16:39,003 --> 00:16:41,000
It's fine.
424
00:16:41,003 --> 00:16:44,000
Hey, what are you doing?
425
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,000
>> I guess if I want an actual
answer, I'll have to call Julie.
426
00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:49,000
>> You might as well give up, frog face.
427
00:16:49,003 --> 00:16:52,000
>> Okay, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
428
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,000
Okay, look, look.
429
00:16:55,003 --> 00:16:59,000
Julie needed an abortion.
430
00:16:59,003 --> 00:17:01,000
I guess she wasn't comfortable telling you.
431
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:02,000
It was fine.
432
00:17:02,003 --> 00:17:03,000
I went with her.
433
00:17:03,003 --> 00:17:05,000
>> You.
434
00:17:05,003 --> 00:17:08,000
You son of a bitch.
435
00:17:08,003 --> 00:17:10,000
I can't believe you did this.
436
00:17:10,003 --> 00:17:14,000
>> Okay, now look, I didn't want to
say anything, but you're the one who
437
00:17:14,003 --> 00:17:15,000
opened my mouth.
438
00:17:15,003 --> 00:17:16,000
Ow!
439
00:17:16,003 --> 00:17:17,000
>> How dare you not tell me?
440
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:20,000
I mean, what on earth
were you-- Oh my God.
441
00:17:20,003 --> 00:17:21,003
>> What?
442
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,000
>> It was your baby, wasn't it?
443
00:17:24,003 --> 00:17:27,000
>> Kate, how can you
possibly even think that?
444
00:17:27,003 --> 00:17:29,000
>> Maybe because you slept with her.
445
00:17:29,003 --> 00:17:30,000
I mean, that is how it works.
446
00:17:30,003 --> 00:17:31,000
>> That was five months ago.
447
00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:33,000
I mean, she would have been like this now.
448
00:17:33,003 --> 00:17:36,000
>> Well, then why did you pay
for an abortion and hide it from me?
449
00:17:36,003 --> 00:17:37,000
>> Because she asked me to.
450
00:17:37,003 --> 00:17:40,000
>> Well, you were in a
relationship with me, not her.
451
00:17:40,003 --> 00:17:42,000
Kate-- God damn it.
452
00:17:42,003 --> 00:17:44,000
Hello.
453
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:51,000
>> See, see, Pedro El
Apartmento no Es Quatro $100.
454
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,000
Fuck.
455
00:17:52,003 --> 00:17:54,000
What's Spanish for $1,400, you know?
456
00:17:54,003 --> 00:17:57,000
Tango que bazura.
457
00:17:57,003 --> 00:17:58,000
Kate?
458
00:17:58,003 --> 00:18:00,000
Kate, I'm sorry.
459
00:18:00,003 --> 00:18:01,000
I'm sorry.
460
00:18:01,003 --> 00:18:03,000
Look, I admit I didn't
handle the situation very well.
461
00:18:03,003 --> 00:18:05,000
But the important
thing is that Julie's fine.
462
00:18:05,003 --> 00:18:07,000
You know, everything, it's okay.
463
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,000
>> No, it is not okay.
464
00:18:09,003 --> 00:18:11,000
It is nowhere close to okay.
465
00:18:11,003 --> 00:18:12,000
>> Look, I said I'm sorry.
466
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:14,000
I don't know what else I can do.
467
00:18:14,003 --> 00:18:15,000
I don't.
468
00:18:15,003 --> 00:18:17,000
>> Well, I'm sorry, but I
don't approve of murder.
469
00:18:17,003 --> 00:18:18,000
>> Neither do I.
470
00:18:18,003 --> 00:18:20,000
What are we talking about here?
471
00:18:20,003 --> 00:18:22,000
>> Abortion is murder.
472
00:18:22,003 --> 00:18:27,000
>> You're kidding.
473
00:18:27,003 --> 00:18:28,000
You're kidding, right?
474
00:18:28,003 --> 00:18:30,000
>> Do I look like I'm kidding?
475
00:18:30,003 --> 00:18:32,000
Am I laughing or smiling in any way?
476
00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:34,000
>> No, I'm just-- I'm in shock.
477
00:18:34,003 --> 00:18:37,000
I mean, I just-- I just
assumed you were pro-choice.
478
00:18:37,003 --> 00:18:38,000
>> Why would you assume that?
479
00:18:38,003 --> 00:18:41,000
>> Because we agree on everything else.
480
00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:43,000
You know, and I mean, you're an
enlightened, well-educated person.
481
00:18:43,003 --> 00:18:45,000
>> So only stupid people
are against abortion.
482
00:18:45,003 --> 00:18:47,000
>> No, no, no, no, no.
483
00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:49,000
I just thought you were
like me, you know, not them.
484
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,000
>> What do you mean them?
485
00:18:51,003 --> 00:18:52,000
Who's them?
486
00:18:52,003 --> 00:18:56,000
>> The President of the United
States with his Thanksgiving Turkey.
487
00:18:56,003 --> 00:18:59,000
>> Look, I respect Europeans.
488
00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:02,000
>> Well, I don't respect
yours, not if you're pro-abortion.
489
00:19:02,003 --> 00:19:03,000
>> Not pro-abortion?
490
00:19:03,003 --> 00:19:05,000
What are you talking about?
491
00:19:05,003 --> 00:19:06,000
Nobody is.
492
00:19:06,003 --> 00:19:08,000
It's not like I'm running around
with an I Heart abortion t-shirt
493
00:19:08,003 --> 00:19:10,000
and a flute leading
people off to the clinics.
494
00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:11,000
Come on.
495
00:19:11,003 --> 00:19:15,000
>> Well, you did take one person
there, and that's the one I care about.
496
00:19:15,003 --> 00:19:19,000
>> Look, I-- the fucking
place is rented, okay?
497
00:19:19,003 --> 00:19:21,000
>> Hello?
498
00:19:21,003 --> 00:19:23,000
>> Look, it was not in my decision.
499
00:19:23,003 --> 00:19:24,000
It was Julie's.
500
00:19:24,003 --> 00:19:26,000
After all, she's 22 years
old and it's her body.
501
00:19:26,003 --> 00:19:27,471
And whether you agree
with her or not, she
502
00:19:27,483 --> 00:19:29,000
still has the right to
make her own choice.
503
00:19:29,003 --> 00:19:32,000
>> We are talking about a girl who
can't even balance her own checkbook.
504
00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:34,000
>> Oh, but she's responsible
enough to have a child.
505
00:19:34,003 --> 00:19:36,000
>> There are other
alternatives, and you know that.
506
00:19:36,003 --> 00:19:41,000
If I had made that choice 23 years
ago, Julie wouldn't even be here.
507
00:19:41,003 --> 00:19:45,000
So don't you talk to me about choice.
508
00:19:45,003 --> 00:19:48,000
>> Okay.
509
00:19:48,003 --> 00:19:49,000
Okay.
510
00:19:49,003 --> 00:19:52,000
Okay, you know, I'm glad this
whole thing is out in the open.
511
00:19:52,003 --> 00:19:54,000
And I, for one, feel
better already, you know?
512
00:19:54,003 --> 00:19:57,000
So why don't we just
agree to disagree and just--
513
00:19:57,003 --> 00:20:00,000
let's just put this whole thing behind us.
514
00:20:00,003 --> 00:20:03,000
>> How can you say that?
515
00:20:03,003 --> 00:20:04,000
Okay.
516
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:07,000
>> Well, in that case, there's
nothing more to be said.
517
00:20:07,003 --> 00:20:29,000
>> If you're looking for Martin
Tupper, he can be reached at 555-4355.
518
00:20:29,003 --> 00:20:32,000
If you're calling about the
apartment, it's no longer available.
519
00:20:32,003 --> 00:20:34,000
Please wait for the-- wait, wait.
520
00:20:34,003 --> 00:20:35,000
Hold it!
521
00:20:35,003 --> 00:20:37,000
Oh, damn it!
522
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:44,000
Hi.
523
00:20:44,003 --> 00:20:45,000
>> Martin, I'm so sorry.
524
00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:46,000
>> No, no, no, no.
525
00:20:46,003 --> 00:20:47,000
Come on.
526
00:20:47,003 --> 00:20:48,000
It wasn't your fault.
527
00:20:48,003 --> 00:20:50,000
>> If I had known that this would have
happened, I never would have asked.
528
00:20:50,003 --> 00:20:53,000
>> I know, I know, I know.
529
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:54,000
How are you doing?
530
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:55,000
Are you okay?
531
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:59,000
>> Yeah, well, I'm not ready to do
cartwheels or anything, but I'll be fine.
532
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,000
[sighs]
533
00:21:01,003 --> 00:21:09,000
>> I gotta go.
534
00:21:09,003 --> 00:21:12,000
You know, I gotta get
this stuff going here.
535
00:21:12,003 --> 00:21:14,000
You want me to drop you
somewhere or something?
536
00:21:14,003 --> 00:21:16,000
>> No, no, I'm gonna wait here for my mom.
537
00:21:16,003 --> 00:21:20,000
But you can imagine we have
quite a few things to discuss.
538
00:21:20,003 --> 00:21:23,000
>> Run, do not walk to the nearest exit.
539
00:21:23,003 --> 00:21:28,000
>> Gee, I'd love to be here for
that, but I have some stuff to unpack.
540
00:21:28,003 --> 00:21:29,000
[sighs]
541
00:21:29,003 --> 00:21:50,000
>> Hey!
542
00:21:50,003 --> 00:21:52,000
What are you doing in my apartment?
543
00:21:52,003 --> 00:21:53,000
>> It's not your apartment anymore.
544
00:21:53,003 --> 00:21:54,000
I just rented it.
545
00:21:54,003 --> 00:21:55,000
To a lawyer.
546
00:21:55,003 --> 00:21:56,000
Isn't that great?
547
00:21:56,003 --> 00:21:58,000
>> No, no, it's not great.
548
00:21:58,003 --> 00:21:59,000
I'm moving back in.
549
00:21:59,003 --> 00:22:01,000
>> Well, my attorney
friend isn't gonna like that.
550
00:22:01,003 --> 00:22:04,000
Does the word "big fat
lawsuit" mean anything to you?
551
00:22:04,003 --> 00:22:06,000
>> Just tell him you made a mistake.
552
00:22:06,003 --> 00:22:07,000
>> Okay.
553
00:22:07,003 --> 00:22:08,000
Well, I can try.
554
00:22:08,003 --> 00:22:09,811
But I think Hubert
H. Humphrey might
555
00:22:09,823 --> 00:22:12,000
help persuade him, if
you know what I mean.
556
00:22:12,003 --> 00:22:14,000
>> No, no, I have no idea what you mean.
557
00:22:14,003 --> 00:22:15,000
>> What do you think?
558
00:22:15,003 --> 00:22:16,000
A hundred dollar bill!
559
00:22:16,003 --> 00:22:18,000
Hubert H. Humphrey's pictures on it.
560
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,000
>> No, he's not.
561
00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:21,000
>> Oh, yeah, well, then whose is?
562
00:22:21,003 --> 00:22:24,000
>> Benjamin Franklin.
563
00:22:24,003 --> 00:22:25,000
>> Oh, yeah, let me see that.
564
00:22:25,003 --> 00:22:26,000
Hmm, you're right.
565
00:22:26,003 --> 00:22:31,000
>> The joy you're giving
is indeed a pleasure.
566
00:22:31,003 --> 00:22:33,000
Especially when you get rid
of something you don't want.
591
00:22:57,003 --> 00:22:58,000
>> There's no place
like home, is there now?
38169
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