All language subtitles for The Ghost Of St. Michaels

Come on. Hurry up pilgrims.

The ferry is ready to sail any
minute now for the great unknown.

All aboard that are coming aboard.

I think this pilgrim will be sick.

Don't be an ass, Sunshine.
We haven't started yet.

A bit different from
Seven Oaks, eh Ritzy?

Different is right. Ten degrees below
zero and 400 miles from civilisation.

Scotland is alright when
one's here for the grouse.

We're up here for the duration now.
Grouses or no grouses.

Begging your pardon, Skipper.
Are we ready to go for the main castle?

Aye.
- Ha.

'McFluent' is the name, gents.
Speaks the language like a native.

They're foreigners, I'm thinking.

Aye. One of the English
schools evacuated.

They've crossed all day for Dunbane.

So the old castle is having
a new lease of life?

Aye.

Cast off.

Go on .. move up.

Hey .. hey.

Hey.

Skye?

Skye?
- Aye.

Heard about Carruthers?
He was called up.

Good Lord, there won't be a master
left at St. Michael's under 85 soon.

I wonder who the new man is.
- Some awful old dud I expect.

You know, long white whiskers,
elastic-sided boots.

A face that looks like
something the cat brought in.

And something wrong with his
bronchial tubes so he wheezes.

Enormous tufts of hair
growing out of his ears.

A walrus moustache that
gets dipped in the soup.

And false teeth that
rattle like castanets.

Actually, he's not in
the least like that.

His name is 'Mr Lamb' and
he's a jolly decent chap.

What do you mean? How do you know?

Everyone knows about Mr Lamb
in scholastic circles.

They say he's one of the greatest
brains Cambridge ever produced.

Oxford, my boy. Not Cambridge.

I am Mr Lamb.

Sir. This is a surprise.

May I have the honour of
shaking your hand, sir?

Yes, yes.

Me too, sir.

May I have your autograph, sir?

I'll put you between Rousseau
and Bernard Shaw.

Boris, our new master is going
to give you his autograph.

Good. Can I have one?

Here we are, sir.

Is there a car to fetch us?
- A bus I think they said.

No, sir. Not for you sir, surely.

Maybe not. I'll see you at the school.

Goodbye, sir.
- Goodbye.

Come on, get in.

Drive on, then.

They said to expect one of the masters.
- Unfortunately, he missed the ferry.

We must wait until the ferry comes back.

Eh?

He called up to say he'll walk.

Any taxis about here?
- Not on the island.

Is there anything to take
me to Dunbane Castle?

Aye, the bus.
- Good.

But it's gone.

I'm afraid you'll have to walk.
- I see. Is it far?

Eight miles if you take the shortcut
along the edge of the quicksands.

Quicksands?

How far is it by the longer cut?
- Thirteen miles.

Thirteen.

My lucky number. Thank you very much.

Hey.
- Hey.

Who said that?

Who said that?

Hello.
- Hello.

Oh, echoes.
- Oh, echoes.

Hey.
- Hey.

Doesn't sound like my voice.
- Doesn't sound like your voice.

Hey.
- Hey.

Hello.
- What do you want?

There you are.

I'm Mr Lamb, the new master.

Come on, come on.
Stop messing about. Let me in.

Rousing a man from his beauty sleep.

Yes .. oh, my poor feet.

What about my poor feet?

Fetching and carrying all
day for a lot of foreigners.

Foreigners, huh?
- Aye. Southerners like yourself.

A pack of unruly bairns.

Yes? Yes.

Did you notice ..

A tall, thin bairn with spectacles.

Tortoiseshell things
that came on the bus?

Aye.

He had the impertinence to address
me as the 'cock of the north'.

Yes. Where's my bedroom?

Follow me.

A cheerful looking place isn't it.

It's been good enough for
the Mackinnons for 800 years.

If you're dissatisfied you
know what you can do.

No offence.

Foreigners sleep in the great bedchamber
that hasn't been slept in since 1344.

What's the matter with it?
Does the roof leak or something?

Have you not heard the legend
of the mad Mackinnon?

It was in the year 1344.

The Mackinnon of Mackinnon.
Fifth of the line, he was.

Had wooed and won the beautiful daughter
of the MacDougal of MacDougal.

Listen. You must tell me
this tomorrow of tomorrow.

It was the eve of the wedding day.

A great storm was raging as the
bridal party set out to cross the loch.

But they never reached the other side.

I'm not surprised if
they came on that ferry.

The vessel foundered on the rocks.

And the bride the Mackinnon
took in his arms that night ..

Was drowned and cold and stark.

They laid her body in
the great bedchamber.

There.

While the piper played the
lament outside the door.

The Mackinnon, mired with grief.

Drank deep of deadly poison.

And from that day to this.

When any person in the
castle is going to pass away ..

The phantom pipes are heard
playing the lament of the Mackinnon.

Aye. It's a lot of rubbish, I think.

Find your room by a right
turn at the top of the stairs.

A left turn at the end of the passage,
another right turn beyond the window.

It's the furthest door
away on your left.

Thank you very much.
- Ahem.

Yes. Yes.

Let me see now.

Take a right turn at
the top of the stairs.

A left turn at the further
end of the passage.

Another right turn.

Beyond the window, he said.

And it's the furthest
doorway on your left.

Yes. That's right.

Furthest doorway on my left.

Let me see. This will be it.

If that's you boys again.

Come here. No you don't.

No you don't.

How dare you, sir.

Who are you? What are you doing?

Come to that, what you doing yourself?
- That's no business whatever of yours.

It happens I heard some rats in this
room and was about to kill them.

Very kind of you.
Very kind of you indeed.

But if there's any rats in my bedroom
I can deal with them myself.

Your room?

Certainly. Yes.

Is this all your stuff?

I like that.

As I arrive late, someone takes a
fancy to my bedroom and pinches it.

I'll have a word with the
headmaster about this.

Really?

And who may you be?
- 'Lamb' is the name.

If you think I'll be put upon by the
other staff, you're much mistaken.

If Dr Winter can't keep
subordinates in order.

What hope for discipline among the boys?

I'll say something to him
about in the morning.

Now, if you don't mind leaving
my bedroom, Mister ..?

Winter.
- Winter. Yes.

What .. Doctor Winter?

Yes, Mr Lamb. The headmaster
who can't control his subordinates.

And who goes about pinching
other people's bedrooms.

If you'll excuse me,
I'll be going to bed.

I think you had better.
The accommodation is somewhat limited.

I trust you won't find it beneath
your dignity to share a room?

Share? No, sir. Certainly not.

No. I'd take it as an honour, sir.
- Not this room.

The one across the way.

I beg your pardon.

Yes.

Goodnight, sir.

I hope you catch your rats.

See you in the morning.

Come in.

I believe I share this room with you.

Splendid, splendid.

Sorry. My name is Tisdaile.
Games and backward boys.

My name is Lamb.
Games with very forward boys.

Good heavens. Eton.

I haven't yet. No.

No. I mean the tie. Tie.

The tie?
- Yes.

You're a fellow old soldier.
- Yes, old.

Old, old Etonian? Yes, quite.

What year?
- Watch out.

So. What year were you there?

Several years.

What a marvellous thing in a place
like this running into an 'O.E'.

Running into a what?
- O.E.

O.E?
- Yes. Old Etonian.

O.E.

Oh, aye.

We must have a jolly long
chat about the old days.

Yes, we must .. someday.

Doesn't anybody go to bed here?

I'm awfully sorry.
You must be absolutely fagged out.

I'm absolutely D.T.

D.T?
- Dog tired.

Does Doctor Winter know you're here?

Yes, I had a little chat with him.
I didn't stay long.

He seems to be in trouble.
- Trouble? What sort of trouble?

He has rats in his wainscot.
- Very uncomfortable.

Of course, peculiar things
happen round here.

They say the place is haunted.
I don't believe that sort of piffle.

No. Nor do I.

You know, that Scotch
gatekeeper or whatever he is.

Told me a lot of rubbish about
phantom pipes and drowned brides.

Really?

Yes. I never heard such
a lot of Tommy-rot.

It's amazing what some
people want to believe.

Yes, I know a fellow who spent
a night with a headless nun.

What, no head?
- Yes, none.

Yes, he was in bed and this nun
walked straight through the wall.

Right through the wall, mark you.

Gets into bed and lies down beside
him as cool as a cucumber.

What do you think he did?

I don't know.

He got up and ran for his life.

Really?
- That's what he said.

What's the matter? Have I shocked you?

Don't look now but I think
we're being haunted.

Haunted? Don't be silly.

Oh.

The ghost of the bride
of the mad Mackinnon.

Ghost, my foot.

Why did you want to drag me out
of there as though I'm frightened?

It's only one of the housemaids
got in the wrong bed.

Go on, wake her up and get
her out of there. Go on. Go on.

But how shall I tell if
she's a housemaid?

See if she's got her apron on.

Go on. Wake her up.
- But I don't know her.

Introduce yourself.
- Yes.

Good evening. My name is Tisdaile.

Housemaid. You're in the wrong bed.

She's sleeping very soundly.

Give her a shake.
Give her a shake. Go on.

You come and help me.
- It doesn't need two of us.

You're older than I am.

But I'm a stranger here.
She wouldn't wake up for me.

Look.

Go on. Wake her up.

She's cold.

So would you be, lying there
with nothing on. Go on, try again.

She's stone cold.

And stiff.

Stiff?

Where's the door? Where's the door?

Hey .. that's a statue.

Is she?
- Of course.

And 'stone cold' was right.

The fifth form I suppose.
They haven't wasted any time, have they.

Ah.

Here's where she comes from.

I bet young Thorne is
responsible for this.

Thorne?

Is he a tall, skinny boy with glasses?

Yes. Do you know him?
- I should say so.

Let's put her back where she belongs.
- Right.

Come on. Heave.

All the class must have
been in on this job.

What will we do?

We have to make the best of it.
That's all.

Just about room for three of us.
- Yes.

Excuse me.

Goodnight old man. Floreat Etona.

Is that her name?

No. Floreat Etona: Eton.

Yes.

Yes, of course. Eton.

Goodnight, old boy.
- Same to you.

Goodnight, Miss.

I say. She is cold, isn't she.

Walcott.
- Hitchcock.

Bolland.
- Newall.

Summerville.
- Fontmajor.

Portemeyer.
- Adlemans.

Truscott.
- Welcome to St. Michael's.

There's always been a
Truscott at St. Michael's.

Thank you, sir.
- Delighted.

Mr Amberley, music.
- How do you do?

Mr Stock, modern languages.

You return from blissful retirement
to teach for victory, Mr Lamb?

Very patriotic of you, I'm sure.

I don't know. One must do one's bit.

What better cause than your
great British public schools?

A wonderful institution, Mr Lamb.
- Quite.

Have you had the privilege of teaching
at others besides St. Michael's?

Yes. Dozens and dozens.

There was Meadow Vale.

And .. so on.

Meadow Vale? Marvellous school.

Yes. I was there for years and years.

As a matter of fact, it was
the happiest time of my life.

They used to say Meadow Vale would
not be Meadow Vale without Lamb.

Lamb wouldn't be lamb
without mint sauce, eh Lamb?

Humphries, eh? This is a pleasure.

Mutual, I'm sure.

A long time since we met
at Meadow Vale, isn't it?

Yes. Of course, yes.
You were there, during my time?

Your time? Your term ..

Do you mean my first or last?

Your first and last.

Good morning, gentlemen.
- Good morning, sir.

I won't keep you long, gentlemen.

Now we're safely evacuated to
this remote, if romantic, spot.

I want the curriculum to
proceed as normally as possible.

Mr Amberley.
Due to the topography of the castle.

I've allocated the harvest room
to you for your piano lessons.

Mr Humphries.

The stable.

Dr Winter, I protest.

You forget I'm senior assistant and
entitled to some consideration.

Mr Humphries, if you make a complaint,
I should prefer you to do so in private.

The other classroom allocations are, I'm
happy to say, of the more normal kind.

I posted a detailed list
on the school noticeboard.

All that remains to do ..

Is to wish the staff a pleasant and
successful term in our new surroundings.

The same to you, sir.
- Thank you, gentlemen.

Thank you, sir.

Mr Lamb.
- Yes, sir?

As you're new here I'd
like a word with you.

Certainly, sir.

I've been going through
your testimonials again.

Oh dear.

I've come to the conclusion that you
should take over the science classes.

If you don't mind, Mr Lamb.
- Science?

That's very kind of you, sir.
Do you think I'm good enough?

I mean.

Yes.

You see, no-one on my staff
has your qualifications.

No, I bet you haven't. But, you see ..

I thought, as it was my first term here.

If I started with, say, arithmetic
and then worked my way up.

Mathematics is Mr Lambert's department.

I say, have you anybody
fixed for spelling?

Mr Redfern is taking English literature.

What a pity.

I feel I'd be wasting your talents if I
didn't make you science master, Mr Lamb.

Now I think you'll allow me
to introduce you to the boys.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm afraid you'll find some of the
boys a little high-spirited at first.

No doubt, you'll soon know
how to deal with that.

Now your first class will be the
upper fifth. This way, Mr Lamb.

Alright. Sit down.

This is our new science master, Mr Lamb.

Under his tuition, I shall look for
some extraordinary results this term.

Mr Lamb, I won't keep you. I expect
you're keen to get on with the job.

Thank you, sir.

Good morning, boys.

Watch-yer.

What did you say?
- Watch-yer.

Were you at Eton too? Funny.

I have one or two things to
say to you before we start.

I'd like to thank a few of you for
the very nice walk I had last night.

Yes. You were one of them, weren't you?

What, me?

Me? Me? What's the matter
with your grammar?

She was alright the last time I saw her.

Who?
- My Grandma.

I didn't say your grandma.
I said 'grammar'.

Grammar.

I am. Thou art. He is. We ain't.

It is 'I'. The first person singular.

It's only 'me' when it's in the ..

Predicament.
- Predicament.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, I think you were in
on it too, weren't you?

What .. I, sir?

Yes. For two pins, I'd knock ..
- Don't you touch him.

I wasn't going to touch him.

I was only going to show him
what I'd do if he did it again.

Yes.

Before I start, you can let me know
exactly how much science you know.

Suppose you tell us exactly
how much science you know.

Listen boy, it's not a question of how
much I know, it's how much you know.

Why? Are you going to teach us
or are we going to teach you?

I'll lay even money we
have to teach him.

You'll lay what?
- Even money.

Even money?
- What do you expect?

Five to one.

I mean I expect a little
discipline from this class.

That's what I expect .. yes.

Now Thorne, as you're so smart.

You can enlighten me to the extent
of your scientific knowledge.

Or lack of it.

Up to last term, we got as far as
analysis of radioactive elements.

Internal pressures and temperatures
of stars of spectral type 'K'.

The determination of parallax
by trigonometrical calculus.

The diffusion of inert gases under the
molecular disturbance of latent heat.

Is that all?

You haven't learned much, have you.

In that case, we start with the law of
gravity determined by Sir Isaac Pitman.

That's shorthand.
The 'Isaac' you want is 'Newton'.

I know, I know. I was
only trying to catch you.

Sir Isaac Newton.

Now, the law of gravity ..

Just a minute, old boy. We had
the law of gravity in our first year.

So what?

So what's the sense of taking it
again when we know all about it?

You may know all about it,
but I don't .. I mean ..

How do I know you all about it?
- Because I say so.

Am I supposed to take your word?

Yes, if you don't want
to start something.

I'm trying to. I'm trying to start
something if you give me a chance.

Take the law of gravity.

Whether you had it in your
first, second or last year.

And whether you know
anything about it or not.

Hmm.

The law of gravity was invented
by Sir Isaac Newton.

He didn't invent it. He discovered it.

That's the same thing, isn't it?
What's the matter with you?

No, old boy.

You see, you can discover
gold but you don't invent it.

Listen, get up. That's beside the point.

Isaac Newton invented, discovered
the law of gravity through an apple.

What at?

What?
- What at?

What at?

Yes. What at?

Discovered the law of gravity
through an apple. What at?

What?

You say he threw an apple. What at?
- Who said he threw an apple?

You did.
- I did not.

He did, didn't he?
- Yes.

I didn't say that.
I didn't say he threw an apple.

I said: Sir Isaac Newton ..

Discovered the law of
gravity through an apple.

I didn't mean he threw the apple.

I meant he could see through it.
It was ..

Now .. Newton was ..

Newton was watching this little boy
playing with a bow and arrow.

So he took the bow and
arrow from the little boy.

Placed the apple on the boy's
head, and shot it with the arrow.

The arrow fell in two and
dropped on the ground.

And that's how Newton
discovered the law of gravity.

Any questions?

Yes. Can we go now?

No you can't. You go when I say so.
Any questions?

Yes. Haven't you got it
a bit mixed, old boy?

The generally accepted legend is,
Newton saw an apple fall from a tree.

The fellow who shot the apple off the
little boy's head was William Tell.

Apart from that, you're not bad.

Thank you very much.

Now, the law of gravity proves that
what goes up must come down.

If we throw a ball up into the air,
it comes down again .. why?

Because what goes up must come down.
- Of course. Yes.

But suppose Newton hadn't discovered the
law of gravity? What may have happened?

We should have lost our ball.

Nothing of the kind. The ball
would have come down again.

But nobody would have known why.

Now there are some very peculiar
things about this law of gravity.

You're telling us.

Yes, I'm telling you.

Now, gravity acts towards
the centre of the earth.

That's why all buildings must be built
straight up. So they won't fall down.

What about the leaning tower of Pisa?

The what?
- The leaning tower of Pisa.

Leaning tower?

A perfect example of a building ..

Which departs from the perpendicular
yet remains standing.

I haven't the faintest idea
what you're talking about.

If you say a building can lean over
and not fall down, you're barmy.

It's simple. I can prove it.

Come on, boys.
Give me a hand with the chairs.

Everyone take one.

Now, sir. If you allow me to
put these chairs on your desk.

Wait a minute. What are you doing?

I'll just show you what I mean. This is
the foundation, and this is the base.

Now we have the first storey .. so.

Now the second storey.

I can't reach. Mind helping me, sir?
Help me up, boys.

Now put it on there.

Hurry up. Now we have the third storey.
- Wait a minute. What's all this for?

I'm going to prove to you that a
tower can lean without falling down.

Provided the centre of
gravity lies within the base.

Come on.

Now we add the fifth storey.

Come on, can't you get up a bit higher?

Go on, push it down.

Push the one on the top. Be careful.
- Yes. Alright.

We add the seventh storey.

Hang on a minute. How high you going?

The Tower of Pisa has thirty stories.

Thirty? What do you expect me to do?
Climb through the ceiling?

Come on. One or two more.

Come on, hurry up.
- I'm doing my best.

Right. That's enough.

Better be enough. I'm getting dizzy.

Now sit down on the top.

Eh? Sit down?

You can't, you can't.

Your base is getting out of control.

Winnie the old pooh.

How's my centre of gravity now?

Mr Lamb.

Look out.

What goes up, must come down.

Is this the spot?

Yes.

I expect you've bruised your vertebrae.

Yeah. It feels as though I've broken it.

I can't think how you
managed it falling off a chair.

You see, it was rather a high chair.

Matron.

Hello, Dr Winter.

Dr Winter. About the rat poison.

I sent James Macleod in to
Portree for it. I'll see if he's back.

That will do, Mr Lamb.

No irreparable damage, I trust?

No, sir.

I practically escaped Scot-free, sir.

One cannot say the same I fear
about the classroom furniture.

No doubt you wish to defray the
cost of replacements yourself?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. No doubt, sir.

You've not made a very promising
start at St. Michael's, Mr Lamb.

Wait and see, sir.
There won't be more accidents.

I can assure you of that.
- I sincerely hope so.

Come on, you can explain
to the headmaster.

They don't stock it, that's all.

Surely they keep some
kind of rat poison.

They do not.
There are no rats in Portree.

Nor in Dunbane, either.

Have you ever seen or
heard a rat in the castle?

I'd be a poor housekeeper, Dr Winter, if
I let rats run about the place unheeded.

Maybe it was the sound of
the pipes that disturbed you?

The sound was a
scratching one. Not gurgling.

No. He means the 'phantom pipes'.

He's always talking about them.

It was in that very room in 1344 that
the mad Mackinnon took his own life ..

That will do.

Ever since, the sound of the phantom ..

The fact remains, Mrs Wigmore.
There are rats.

I refuse to go on taking sleeping
draughts to get a good night's rest.

You're a chemistry expert,
aren't you, Mr Lamb?

Yes, I suppose so.

Surely you could make some
rat poison in your laboratory?

I could if I had the proper ingredients.

It's mostly strychnine, isn't it?

Is it? Of course. Yes it is. Is it?

Then if it's not troubling
you too much, Mr Lamb.

To prepare some poison for you?
No trouble at all.

It will be a pleasure.

I mean .. for the rats.

I'll do it straight away, sir.

This man, Lamb.
- What about him?

I knew him at Meadow Vale.
He's an incompetent fool.

What possessed you to engage him?

That's my business, Mr Humphries.

Kindly moderate your tone.
- It's my business too.

When I succeed to your post, I have
no wish to inherit a staff of halfwits.

You see this letter?

It's a request to the governors.

That you be relieved of your duties
at the end of the present term.

What?

Come in.

Don't blame me if your charming
epistle has unexpected repercussions.

Dr Winter.

I come to tell you I've put
the rat poison in your room.

Thank you.

Tell me where the hole is
and I'll bung it in for you.

Pray don't trouble.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

Any letters to post?

That would be kind of you.

That was one in the breadbasket
for him, wasn't it.

Beg your pardon?

Why wait until the end of term?
Why not sling him out on his ear now?

Mr Lamb. Assistant masters are
not expected to eavesdrop.

Aren't they?

I must remember that.
I forgot I wasn't headmaster.

Goodnight, sir.

Goodnight.

And good hunting.

Cigarette, Mr Lamb?
- Huh?

Cigarette?
- Why? Something wrong with them?

That letter. I'm going for a stroll.
I can put it in the post for you.

Thanks, but I prefer to do it myself.

I shouldn't bother.
You missed the last collection.

It's alright. I think it's safer
in the box. Pleasant dreams.

Yes.

Boys, boys.

Here's to the opening night
of the Dunbane bottle party.

Okay boys .. dive in.

Hey, look .. the door.

Scram.

Jones. The light.

Alright. Come on, open
the other one as well.

Come out of it. Come on.
- Sir.

There's an odd smell in here.
- Is there?

There wasn't before you came in, sir.
- There is now.

So there is, sir.

Reminds me of lobster.

It is lobster.

Good heavens.
I don't know how it got there.

You'd better by tomorrow.

Boys, don't lie there with your
eyes shut. I know what's going on.

You've a nerve eating
lobster at this time of night.

It's fresh. I caught it in
the loch this morning.

Fresh? That's beside the point.

You know jolly well that feasting
in the dormitory is strictly forbidden.

I take a very, very serious
view of this matter.

Yes.

What have you here?
- Nothing at all, sir.

Nothing, eh?

Whiskey.
- Whiskey, sir?

No, sir. Lemonade.

Lemonade is it?

Fancy.

It clearly tastes like whiskey to me.
Still, if you say it's only lemonade ..

Anyway, it doesn't make
the slightest difference.

Eating lobsters. Drinking whiskey,
lemonade on top of them.

It's enough to give a grown man
nightmares. Never mind boys like you.

I shall report this.

Sir, Halloween comes but once a year.

Who?
- Halloween.

What's she to do with it?

The feast of Halloween.
A Scottish custom.

It's our first visit so
we should observe it.

Come on. Be a sport, sir.

I don't know.
- Please, sir. Everyone does it.

Do they?

If it only comes once a year.
- Thank you, sir. Come on boys.

Mr Lamb says eat, drink and be merry.

Welcome to the Dunbane bottle party.

The best nightspot on the Isle Of Skye.
- Help yourself to eats and drinks.

Here, sir. Help yourself.
- Wait a minute.

Do you think we should have somebody
keeping watch in case anyone came up?

Good idea, sir.
Bernie, go and keep a lookout.

Okay.

That's better. You know ..

You boys ought to be more careful
where you throw your rubbish.

The tin you threw out the
window hit me on my head.

It might have hit someone who mattered.
Who understands less about boys than me.

Besides, it's untidy. You should
put your rubbish in a paper bag.

Thanks for the tip, sir.

Boys, put all your rubbish
in this paper bag.

Hey. How about another spot
of whiskey .. uh, lemonade, sir?

Yes, I think I will. Yes.

They grow jolly good lemons
in Scotland, don't they.

[ Singing ]

It's as far as I want to go.
It's as far as I want to go.

I'll be pleased to dine with
you at the rooty-tooty-too.

All I've got, is a
threepenny bit, and so ..

If you don't mind having your fish and
chips, that's as far as I want to go.

Hey, it's Humphries.

Lamb.

Do you make a practice of crawling under
boys' beds in the middle of the night?

Actually, I was looking for rats.
- Rats?

Yes, rats.

Why the lobster claw?

That's the Scottish
method of catching rats.

You grip a rat by the back of the neck
with the claw and you shake it to death.

Your breath smells of whiskey.
If you ask me Mr Lamb, you're drunk.

Drunk? Certainly not.
I've been drinking lemonade.

Smells of whiskey to me.

I know. Tastes like whiskey too.
But it's lemonade just the same.

I'm perfectly sober. Perfectly.
Any test you like.

Swans swim under the bridge.

Swim, swum, swim.

Swans swim under the bridge.

Swam, swim .. swom?

I wouldn't have tried that if I was you.
Too much for you in your condition.

It's too much for you in your condition.
- I'm perfectly sober, Mr Lamb.

Yeah? Prove it. Go on, say it.
- I'll do nothing of the sort.

He's scared.
- I'm nothing of the kind.

Swans swim under the bridge.
Swim, swum, swam.

Sam swans under the bridge.

Sam swum under the bridge. Ha-ha.

He couldn't say it. Ha-ha.

He couldn't say it. Could he, boys.

He couldn't swim .. he's tight.

Silence, boys. This minute.

[ Bagpipe music ]

Shush.

Bagpipes.

The lament of the Mackinnon.

The lament to the Mackinnon.

Hark to ..

To the phantom pipes.

Played while the Mackinnon, mad
with grief, drank deep a deadly poison.

And fell back writhing in agony
beside the body of his bride.

The Headmaster.

He's dead.
- Aye. Dead.

As the mad Mackinnon
died in this very room.

Six hundred years ago.

This will mean a great
deal of harm to the school.

Parents are difficult at
the best of times. Now ..

The suicide of a headmaster.

Poor fellow.
I knew there was something wrong.

Queer delusions he had.
Then this sudden obsession with rats.

What? There were no rats?

James Macleod's been here for 30 years.
He says he's never seen a trace of one.

By the way, you understand you
take over the headmastership?

I'm greatly honoured, Sir Ambrose.

We'll have a talk when
I get back next week.

There are changes.

That reminds me. That fellow
Lamb is a bitter disappointment.

He's lazy, incompetent and seems to have
no authority whatever over the boys.

Sack him, my dear fellow. Sack him.
- There's nothing else to do.

I can't understand why they
don't hold an inquest.

Inquests cost money.
They're awful mean in Scotland.

I gather they only hold them
when they suspect foul play.

Why shouldn't there have been foul play?

There's something jolly sinister about
Baa-lamb making the rat poison himself.

Put a sock in it. You read
too many detective stories.

You know the one I read on the way up?

'My Aunt Lies Bleeding'.

The nephew murders the
aunt with strychnine too.

Hey.

Hey. Fellow clansmen.

The MacThorne, of the MacThorne
brings fateful tidings.

Our Baa-lamb is a
wolf in sheep's clothing.

He's a murderer.

That'll teach you to call me 'Baa-lamb'.

Then you don't deny you're a murderer?

You mean I'd like to
murder you? Yes. No.

Seriously, sir.

What was to prevent you swapping the rat
poison for Dr Winter's sleeping draught?

Nothing at all.
- Aha.

If I wanted to.

Hey, wait a minute.

That's an interesting theory.

Yes, I could have put the ..

What motive would I have?

Well.

Do you know 'My Aunt Lies Bleeding'?

Does she? Am I responsible for that too?

I doubt you've got an aunt at all.
Get back to your place.

Now .. this morning .. we'll ..

We'll begin with the
barbiturate group of acids.

Any questions?

Listen, I say that. That's my privilege.

Now the nature of an acid is clearly
shown by its action upon a metal.

If sulphuric or nitric acid is allowed
to come into contact with zinc.

We have seen that hydrogen is given off.

And the metal goes into solution.

Do you think he really
knows something after all?

Now then. What are
the properties of acids?

Come on, come on.
What do acids usually do?

Give us indigestion.

I know that. Can't you keep your
mind off food for a moment.

What have I just told you acids do?

They generate a lot of gas.

I think that's what he meant, sir.

I don't want any comic remarks from you.

Now you. What are the
properties of sulphuric ..?

What do you want?

The new headmaster wishes
to see you in his study.

The new headmaster?
- Aye. Mr Humphries.

Humphries?

Strewth. In that case I'd
better come, hadn't I.

Yes.

'Advanced Chemistry by GW Smith'.

The old so-and-so.

Come in.

Alright. Alright.
You needn't bother to say it.

I resign.
- Quite. Pack your bags and go.

Certainly.

As soon as I get a cheque
for a full term's salary.

You forfeit that by resigning.

Do I? I don't resign then.

Sack me.

I refuse to do anything of the sort.
- Very well. I'll go back to my class.

You'll not go back to class nor get a
term's salary. You leave tomorrow.

Listen. You'll hear from my lawyers.
- Good. What's their name and address?

It's in my other clothes.
- Ha.

Thorne. How dare you
do a thing like that.

Poor old Baa-lamb has just got the push.
- Has he really?

Would you .. would you
consider letting me stay on?

Just for the board and keep.
- This isn't an Alms House, Lamb.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

If any school wants a reference
for you, just refer them to me.

Yes. If any parents want a reference
for this school you refer them to me.

Yes. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I say old boy, I'm terribly sorry.

Sorry? What about?
- About you getting the sack.

The sack? No. I've resigned.

Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

I'll not let anybody sack me.

Yes. If only that letter had
been posted 24 hours earlier.

Good heavens, I didn't post it at all.
- What is it? Something important?

Important? I should say it is.

A letter from Dr Winter to Sir Ambrose
demanding Humphries resignation.

How do you know what's in it?

You see, I was going to see Dr Winter.

I was just about to knock on the
door and heard voices inside.

So you stuck your earhole
against the door. Disgraceful.

Yes.

I like that.
And you've just done it to me.

They were going at it hammer and tongs.

One phrase Humphries
used I remember. He said ..

'Don't blame me if that charming
epistle has unpleasant repercussions'.

Let's have a look at it.
- Open somebody else's letter?

I think it's be perfectly
justified in the circumstances.

Especially as you know what's in it.

Think so?
- Yes.

Come in here.

Here we are. There it is.

What on earth is this?

'I hear noises in my
head day and night'.

'It is driving me mad.
I must end it all'.

'End it all. J. Winter'.

What on earth ..?

It says nothing of Humphries.

Winter must have been going crackers.
- Nonsense. He was a sane as I am.

That isn't saying much.

As sane as I am.
- That's saying less.

Listen. Inspector Thorne of the
CID has solved the Winter mystery.

Humphries is about to get
the sack. He's desperate.

He's got to get rid of
Winter's letter and Winter.

He pinches the letter from your
pocket and substitutes this one.

Then he substitutes the rat
poison for the sleeping draught.

Verdict: suicide while of unsound mind.

I fear that makes
Humphries the murderer.

Sure it does.
It's up to us to get him hanged.

Suits me.

Look here.
Suppose Winter didn't write the letter?

It doesn't prove that Humphries
didn't write it either, does it?

Yes, it does.

Say that again.

If Humphries ..

My Aunt Lies Bleeding.

Pardon?

Don't keep saying that silly remark.

It's a detective story.
The nephew murders the aunt ..

Because she discovers he's forged
her signature on a cheque.

And they prove the signature was his.

Because of the chemical
composition of the ink, see?

No, I'm awfully sorry.
I'm afraid I don't.

Anyway, Humphries wasn't
Winter's aunt, was he. Or was he?

Not as far as we know.
But why go into that?

No two makes of ink have
the same chemical ingredients.

So, all we have to do is get a
specimen of Humphries' writing.

Analyse the ink and see if it's
the same as the substitute letter.

Yes. But wait a minute.

We don't know if Humphries and
Winter used different inks.

Or do we? You have me
talking that way now.

We must get a specimen
of Winter's writing as well.

Look.

We shan't be able to do the analysis
until after prep this evening.

Tis-bags.
- Who?

You.

Don't be so disrespectful. 'Tis-bags'.

Get a specimen of Winter's writing.
Baa-lamb.

That's you.
- I know.

Come on, back to the fold.

Mr Tisdaile.

Humphries. Quick.

Why aren't you giving your
backward boys physics?

They do very well with me, sir.
By Jove, I'll give them physics.

There we are. Now, all we want is
Humphries sample and we're okay.

I wonder what keeps Tisdaile?
He should have something by now.

There you are.

The sample of Humphries writing?

I'll bring it in.

Bring it in? What's he talking about?

Here it is.
Written in Humphries own handwriting.

In front of a class of witnesses.

Listen. We don't want
a sample of his writing.

We want a sample of his ink.
- Do you?

Yes.
- This is chalk I think.

Yes.

What will we do now?
- I know.

Humphries set us an essay
on that beastly thing.

He wrote a whole lot of nasty
things on the bottom of mine.

Just as I said. It's in ink too.

Now we can proceed with the test.
- But wait a minute.

There's about 57 varieties of ink.

There's red ink, blue ink.
Black-and-blue ink.

Violet ink, Indian ink, Post Office ink.

Invisible ink.
- Invisible? How can we tell ..?

Invisible ink? If it's invisible
how can we test it?

No. We can't.
- Of course we can't.

We're concerned with only two varieties
of ink: Humphries' ink and Winter's ink.

Listen. Which test are we going to make
first? Density and penetration or fumes?

Uh .. density and penetration?

Do the fumes test first. Carry on.

What do I do?

Hasn't he explained it to you?

Go on, tell him.

You put the samples over the fumes
one by one and compare the reactions.

Yes, that's right.

We want some fumes.
- Rather. I love them.

What?
- Prunes.

Prunes? I said 'fumes'.

Fumes. Let me see.
Where are we going?

Ah.

I'll bet this is full of fumes.

Lovely.

No, no. We can't use that.

Why not?
- That's what dentists use.

What for?
- Teeth.

For cleaning them?
- No. For taking them out.

They blow them out?

That's laughing gas.
What we want is ammonia.

Ammonia.

Here we are. Ammonia.

It is very strong.

You'll to get a lot of
reactions out of this.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

If you two have finished playing games,
we'll get on with the fumes test.

Here we are. I think it's dangerous
leaving these things lying about.

We start with Dr Winter's sample.
- Alright.

What do I do?
- Nothing.

What do I do?
- Nothing.

What's happening?
- Nothing.

I think it's a waste of time.

Your .. your fumes test.

Some things aren't affected by them.
We'll try the letter.

Yes. I still think it's a waste of time.

I say, I say. Look. You see.

It's turning a reddish brown.
- Let's have a look at it.

Yes. So it is.
- There's a lot of iron in the ink.

Maybe he left his nib in it.

If Humphries' sample goes
the same colour, we've got him.

Good. Go on, try it.

I do believe.

Yes, it's the same colour.
- By Jove, we've done it.

What? I'm blowed if I
don't think we have too.

What to do? Third-degree him?
- No. Inform the police.

Aye, it looks to me like
Mr Humphries is right on the spot.

Rather. Yes.

Yes. He's right on the spot.

All the time, I've always said he's the
ideal man for the headmaster's job.

Yes, I .. oh hello Mr Humphries.

What's going on here?

Do all of you realise
preparations have already begun?

Yes, sir. You see I came to infume him.
Inform him.

May I ask why you're
still on the premises?

I couldn't leave last night.
The ferry wasn't working.

I think the water was too rough.

In that case, how did Sir Ambrose
manage to cross this morning?

I suppose he swum it.
- No need to be facetious.

Whether you reach the mainland or
not is of no interest whatever to me.

Go to your room.
Leave here first thing in the morning.

In the morning?

I may leave before then.

Hey, Baa-lamb. You and Tis-bags
go to the police immediately.

Go on.

You maintain your chemical test
of the ink proves the suicide letter ..

Presumably written by
Dr Winter, was in actual fact ..

A forgery on the part of Mr Humphries?

I do. Yes.

What did you say your name was?

This is Mr Tisdaile. My name is Lamb.

I don't mind your face.

I don't mind yours either.

Will you sign that statement please?
- Very good, officer.

So you're the body who made the poison
with which Dr Winter killed himself?

We're trying to tell you
he didn't kill himself.

He was murdered.

Aye.

Yes. Absolutely. Undoubtedly.

He'll tell you about it
if you give him a chance.

It's not a pleasant thing to do.

The only course left open for me
to take was to come to the police.

You couldn't do better, man.

Tell me now.

Was it your conscience that
made you decide to confess?

Confess?

I'm not confessing, I'm accusing.

Do you mean it was not yourself
that committed the murder?

Of course it wasn't.
We were telling you who did.

Have you any proof?
- Proof?

We've got foolproof proof.
- Absolutely foolproof.

I've got the exhibits here.
You look for yourself.

You'll see the ink on Dr Winter's notice
has remained absolutely unchanged.

Whereas the ink on the others
has gone a sort of reddish-brown.

That's due to the penetration
of the pigment in the ..

Ink.
- Ink, you see.

Everyone knows Winter wrote that notice.
Humphries must have written the other.

If this is your idea of a joke,
I'm thinking you'll regret it.

A joke?

There's no writing of any kind on these.

No writing on them. What's happened?

It must have rubbed off in your pocket.

Rubbed off in my pocket?
It's that clever Mr Percy again.

Him and his fumes test.
He's gone and fumed it off altogether.

I'm absolutely positive
Humphries forged that letter.

If you don't believe me come to school
with us and I'll accuse him to his face.

Excuse me.

Aye, this is the police.

Who?

Very well.

I'll be coming up to Dunbane.

Now you're talking.

Aye, but we'll not be
talking to Mr Humphries.

He's just been found dead
in the great bedchamber.

Call James Macleod.

Holding a judicial inquiry in a barn.
Preposterous.

It's the ancient Court
of Justice of the island.

There's so little crime they lease
it to Mr McDowell for his cows.

Turn those ducks out.

Certainly, sir. Boys, the ducks.

Your bird, I think.

You sir.

Yes?

Are these boys in your charge?

They were. I'm not so sure about now.

Keep them in order.

Yes, sir. Alright boys.
You can sit down.

Call James Macleod.

James Macleod.
- Not you.

James Macleod.

And don't let those ducks in again.

No, sir. No.

It was you who found the body?
- Aye.

As I entered the great bedchamber, there
was Mr Humphries lying stiff and stark.

And the sound of the phantom
pipes wailing through the castle.

Phantom pipes?

It's a famous legend
here in the Isle, sir.

Whenever the phantom pipes are heard ..

There's a death in Dunbane Castle.

Ah, so.

Superstitious nonsense.

Now, Macleod.

Had the deceased recently
quarrelled with anyone?

Aye. In a manner of speaking he had.

With whom?

Mr Lamb, the chemistry master.

He gave him the sack.

Did he?

Can you see this Mr Lamb in court?

Aye. I'm looking at him now.

Why are they looking at you like that?

I don't know.

You may stand down, Macleod.

Call Sergeant Macfarlan.

Sergeant Macfarlan.

Turn that cow out.

Sergeant Macfarlan.
- Aye, sir.

Dr Ritchie has told us in his evidence.

That the deceased died from
asphyxiation due to prussic acid gas.

Have you discovered how the
gas could have reached its victim?

Aye, sir. Coming from the flue from
the room beneath the bedroom.

It was used as a laboratory.

Had any particular person
free access to that room?

Aye, sir. Mr Lamb, the chemist master.

It's alright, old man.
I don't think you did it.

Thank you very much.

That will be all, Sergeant.

And turn those pigs out.

Certainly, sir. Boys, the pigs.

Call William Lamb.

William Lamb.

William Lamb?
- Yes, sir.

So, you are the chemistry master?
- Yes, sir.

Put that pig down at once, sir.

Alright. Here you are.
- I don't want it.

I don't want it.

Alright.

Mr Lamb.

It was you who supplied the poison taken
by Dr Winter, the previous headmaster?

You're putting it a bit unfairly.

I gave him the poison for the rats.
Not for himself.

In my opinion he didn't
take it off his own hook.

My theory ..

The court has no desire to hear it.

We're here to enquire into
the death of Mr Humphries.

Not Dr Winter.

I like that. Considering it was him
who dragged Dr Winter's name in.

Kindly confine yourself to answering
the Fiscal's questions, Mr Lamb.

Alright. Go ahead.

And I don't like being stared at.

Sorry.

Poor old Baa-lamb. On the carpet again.

I think he did Humphries in.
Good for him.

Don't be an ass. He hasn't the brains.

Now then.

This chemistry laboratory of yours.

Was a supply of prussic acid
customarily kept there?

I shouldn't be surprised.

Mr Lamb.

As science master, you should know
the contents of your own laboratory.

Yes, well.

I did start making a catalogue.

But I only got as far as
the letter 'O' you see.

Most of that stuff was with
the school before I came.

I see.

Perhaps some of your pupils
are better informed?

Can any of you boys give me
a more definite answer?

Yes sir, I can. I saw a bottle of
prussic acid on Mr Lamb's desk.

When he was trying to tell us
what we can do with acids.

Trying to tell you?

Right, sir.

He didn't know anything about it at all.
So he couldn't have gassed Humphries.

Yes I could.

I know all there is to know about acids.

Put him out at once.

Not the doctor. The goat.

Bless my soul.

So, you're quite an authority
on acids, Mr Lamb?

Perhaps you'll describe to the court
the process to create prussic acid gas?

Yes. You ..

Let me see now ..

Yes. Yes, of course.

Yes, you take a bottle
of prussic acid and ..

You pour some of it into something.

And.

Put it on the copper
until it comes to the boil.

And the steam it gives
off is prussic acid gas.

Is that correct, Dr Ritchie?

Certainly not.

In no conceivable circumstances could
the gas in question be generated.

By heating hydrogen cyanide.
- Thank you, doctor.

I'm not talking about hydrogen cyanide.

I'm talking of prussic acid.

They're alternative
names for the same thing.

Yes. Of course, yes.
I forgot for a moment.

Anyway, my calculations are correct.
Look for yourself.

Pig. Here, here.

I put it to you, Mr Lamb.

Either you are grossly
incompetent to teach chemistry ..

Or you're making a puerile
attempt to avoid an accusation ..

Of having caused the
death of Mr Humphries.

Wait a minute.

Are you trying to prove
I murdered Humphries?

I try to arrive at the truth.

If I'd been going
to kill him that way ..

You don't think I'd be fool enough to
mess with acids beforehand, do you?

Quite possibly. You may have reckoned on
everyone just saying what you just said.

Ha. If I'd been clever enough for that.

I'd be clever enough to know you
were going to say what you just said.

So it would be no use my
saying what I said. Would it?

You can't possibly have known I
would say what I've said I just said.

Listen. If you're trying to say I would
not have said what I said I'd say.

If you said what you said
you would have said.

All I can say is: fiddlesticks.

Silence in court.

Mr Lamb.

Unless you show unimpeachable testimony
regarding your character and record.

I shall ask the court to detain
you for further questioning.

I can vouch for him.

Never have I met a more charming
and delightful person than Mr Lamb.

His knowledge is exceptional.

Some of the things he's taught
me are absolutely astounding.

I had no idea how little I knew.

Or that anybody could be so
ignorant until I met Mr Lamb.

I can well believe that.

He told me that while he
was a student at Heidelberg.

If not for a chance remark
to Professor Einstein ..

There would be no theory of relativity.

In fact, he actually
worked it out for him.

Very interesting.
But it doesn't concern us.

Anyway, he's an old Etonian.

Indeed?

When were you at Eton, Mr Lamb?

It would be from 1898 to ..

To 1902.

Strange. I was at Eton
myself at that time.

I've no recollection of
any boy named 'Lamb'

Maybe you think of
the Eton near Windsor.

I mean the Eton in ..

Ohio. U.S.A.

We've got to get the
old boy out of this mess.

Please sir, may I support Mr Tisdaile?

Everyone in our part of Shropshire
likes and respects Mr Lamb.

He's the most popular master
the hunt has ever had.

Furthermore, he's certain to be returned
to Parliament at the next election.

I must warn you,
Mr Tisdaile, and you boy.

That if you've been lying you'll be
held guilty of contempt of court.

In the circumstances, Mr Lamb.

I'll not limit your liberty of movement.

Thanks very much.

I must say I consider your conduct
throughout the whole of this matter ..

To be scarcely that of a person
of normal, sane intelligence.

There will be a further
police investigation.

During which I need you to hold yourself
available for questioning at any time.

Yes. Any time you like.

So long. Goodbye.

How dare you. What are you doing here?

Times up. Milking time.

I say. I didn't know there was
an Eton in the United States.

The Isle of White is not the only
place where there's cows.

If that's another reporter, go away.

It isn't. It's me.
Percy Thorne in the flesh.

See, I'm .. I'm just packing up.

I'm going down to my little
place in .. Shropshire.

What do you want?

Us chaps in the Upper Fifth.

We thought we'd like to make
you a little presentation.

We hadn't time to get you a
cigarette case or anything.

So we thought you wouldn't
mind accepting the ..

The cash instead. With our best wishes.

Blimey, they're genuine.

But I couldn't possibly take ..

I mean ..

I'm afraid it's only five quid.

We couldn't raise more at short notice.

I don't know what to say.

You see, it's ..

Come on. I have to get my bag packed.

We'll have difficulty getting a member
of the staff to accept that post.

Personally, I was quite frank with him.

'Sir Ambrose', I said. 'You may think
me absurdly superstitious, but ..'

'Two headmasters have gone.
What chance of a third'?

He even offered it to me.
And I'm not a British subject.

They have trouble with
the parents I believe.

They do not like these deaths.
- Exactly. You wait.

If this sort of thing goes on, we'll
all be shunted back to England again.

Going to see Sir Ambrose, Tisdaile?

Yes. I don't know why, unless
it's about my backward boys.

They've been writing the most
advanced things on walls.

I think you'll find it's something
more serious than that.

You .. you sent for me, sir?

Yes, Tisdaile. Have a cigar.

A cigar?
- Sit down.

Sit? Really sit?

My boy, I've been
looking up your record.

It seems to me the way you've
handled your backward boys ..

Has produced some remarkable results.
- Really, sir? Really?

Therefore, I have decided to offer you
the headmastership of St. Michael's.

Me? I mean ..
- Yes, you.

I say.

What about the senior masters?
- I believe in giving you this chance.

This modern age belongs to you.

Bold, enterprising youth.

Yes, by Jove. I'll certainly do my best.
- Good.

Thank you very much, sir.
That's marvellous.

There now, I must be off.

Make yourself at home
in your new sanctum.

Thank you, sir.

Goodbye.
- Goodbye, sir.

Masters and boys of St. Michael's.

Doubtless you have heard
of my new appointment.

And I hope this appointment
will not be a disappointment.

I.

That's no good.
Bold, virile, enterprising.

Master of the boys.

I give you three guesses
as to what I am.

I.

Masters and boys of St. Michael's.

I'm your new headmaster.

And if you don't like it,
you can lump it.

Lamb.

Goodbye, my lad.
- Goodbye, sir.

Good luck.
- Thank you.

Hey, that's not your car.

Hello Sir Ambrose.
Are you coming along too?

Get out of my car.

Your car is it? Can I give you a lift?

Will you ..
- Get out.

Alright. No need to lose your temper.

Where to, Sir Ambrose?
- The ferry.

I suppose I'll have to walk it again.

I've a lovely surprise for you.

You may not have to go.
- Why?

I'm the new headmaster.
- What?

Yes. Sir Ambrose appointed me
over the heads of all the others.

So you won't have to go.

In that case what about
giving me back the five quid?

You're in a hurry, aren't you?
I'll keep it a day or two.

I say, appointing him headmaster?

Sir Ambrose must be a bit barmy.

I'll bet you ten bob to a tanner the
other masters weren't passed over.

They turned it down.

That's what I can't understand.
I thought they'd leap at the chance.

What, with two masters done in already?
Not likely.

Who'd want to be the third?
- Yes, who would?

Yes, rather.

What? Third? Good gracious, that's me.

Yes, that's right. Still, it may
be a case of third time lucky.

Yes, but he can't do that to me.
I'm not the fool I think I am.

He deliberately put me in a position ..
- A piece of cheese in a mousetrap.

Yes. I refused to be a piece of cheese.

Hey, come back.

Now, listen.

We're out to catch
this murderer or bust.

The only way to catch him is red-handed.

How can he be red-handed if there's
no headmaster for him to murder?

There you are. That's logical enough.

Yes. But I won't do it.

Don't you think you're
being a bit selfish, old boy?

You're taking away my only chance to
make a hundred percent comeback.

Yes. But why should I make
myself a stalking horse?

Make up your mind if you're
to be a horse or the cheese.

I'm surprised at you.

So am I.

So am I.

I'll not have myself butchered
for Roman whatsisname.

You can lead a lamb to slaughter.
But you can't make him drink.

Wait. It's you they'll slaughter.
Not me.

Mr Tisdaile. Do you wish me to move your
possessions to the great bedchamber?

Certainly not.
- Yes.

Very good.

That bedchamber is where Humphries
and Winter were murdered.

We don't want to make it harder for
the murderer than necessary, do we?

No. But I'll not put myself in
the mousetrap and sleep.

I won't, I won't, I won't.

I won't .. I won't go to sleep anyway.

You can't make me do that.
I'll sit up all night.

Let's hope you won't have to.

Very likely he'll make a
stab at you before long.

Stab?

Whichever way he wants to do it.

Let's see now. Humphries and
Winter got it in the neck about ..

About eleven o'clock.

What's the time now?

A quarter to.

These are the best I could get.

They finished furnishing the armoury
at the time of the battle of Hastings.

Not very modern, are they.
- I don't know why you're grumbling.

The other two corpses
hadn't any weapons at all.

You'd better take your pick.
- Is that loaded?

You bet. Found powder
and shot in the armoury.

I'll have it.

No you won't.
You might let it off and hurt yourself.

I'll take this.

All you have to do is lie
there waiting to be murdered.

We've got to catch the murderer.

Of course. Suppose you miss him?

We won't.

Here you are. Take these just in case.

Yes. If you see him first.

Give us a shout for help.
We shan't be far away.

Yes. But how do I know if I do see him?

I mean, in time to do any good?
We don't know who he is.

Who is he?
- We hadn't thought of that.

If you ask me it's Stock.
He says he's Swiss.

Bet he's a Nazi agent.

What?

What would they gain by bumping him off?
That won't win the war for them.

Hey. In a book I once read, it said ..

Listen. We've heard enough
of your bleeding aunt.

What we've got to do is find the motive.
That will give us the murderer.

Now, suppose I wanted
to kill three headmasters.

Two, old boy.

I'm including you.

What motive would I have?

None I can think of.

Not for the first two anyway.

On second thoughts it might be Jamie.

He doesn't like the school being here.

Yes .. that's right.

He's crazy enough to
have us all bumped off.

Starting with headmasters
and working his way down.

He knew about the rat-poison too.
He could easily of ..

Shush .. listen.

Somebody is coming.

Who's there?

Come in.

I've brought you up a glass of milk.

That's very kind of you,
but I didn't order any milk.

I did the same for the
other two Headmasters.

It will help to put you to sleep.

Yes, I'm sure it will.

Thank you very much.
- Goodnight to you.

And may you rest in peace.

Rest in peace?

He means 'RIP'.

Yes, that's right.

You think it's safe to drink?

Not unless you want to poison yourself.

Anyway, one thing we are sure of.

If the murderer used
poison or poison gas.

He's unlikely to use either again.

Good.
- He'll keep us guessing.

What do you think he'll use?

There's dozens of things.

There's electrocution.
- Powdered glass.

Black widow spiders.

Brides in the bath.
- Snakes down a bedside bell rope.

What?

By Jove, that's a bit of luck.

What?

No bell rope.

So he won't use that.
- Hey.

He's quite likely to use
a secret panel instead.

Can't I sleep somewhere else?

Can't we call this off until tomorrow?

Spoil the whole thing?
No, you stay where you are.

We'd better have a look around.

There is an echo.
- That was me.

Don't do it then. Leave it to me.

Didn't I tell you not to do that?
- I didn't.

Did you?

No. But I heard it too.
- So did I.

It seemed to come from over there.

Hey, the pistol is gone.

Did you take it?

No.

It's gone anyway.
- Who can have taken it?

The murderer of course.

What? But how?

I don't know.
But it shows he means business.

Pipes.

Now is our chance to get him.

What shall I do?
- Listen.

You stay here. If he gets by
us and tries to murder you ..

Don't let him do it before we get back.
- Yes.

What?

Come on.

After you.

[ Bagpipe music ]

It comes from up there.
- The battlements.

Yes.

[ Bagpipe music ]

He's up here alright.
- Yes, sounds like it.

It's only Anthony and Cleopatra.

Only Anthony ..? Go on, get out of it.

Get away.

That settles that.
- Yes.

If it's those cats again they're
meowing in tune this time.

It's the pipes. Down below.

Stick it old boy. Stick it old boy.
You're doing fine.

The bride the Mackinnon took in his arms
that night was drowned, cold and stark.

They laid her body in
the great bedchamber.

Headmaster.

Jamie.

Mr Tisdaile, are you not there?

Headmaster ..

Mr Tisdaile, where are you?

Do you not hear the pipes?

Save yourself, save yourself.

Mr Tisdaile, where are you?

Save yourself.

If it's those cats again,
I'll wring your neck.

What?

It's not coming from the battlements.
It comes from behind this wall.

This wall?
- Yes.

Don't be silly.
These walls are absolutely solid.

Hey, what the ..?
- Look ..

It's a secret chamber.

Look .. there's your phantom pipes.

This must be where the
murderer started from.

It used to be a torture chamber, I bet.

You know, racks and thumbscrews.

I wonder how you turn this thing off.

Hey, stop that noise.

[ Bagpipe music ]

Ritzy.

Ritzy.

The phantom pipes.

I can't hear anything.

They've stopped now, but ..

There's something wrong
with your phantom earhole.

I get the idea.

He puts the record on and
while it's still playing ..

He creeps out and ..

Yes. I suppose ..

Tisdaile.

Hey, where's the door?
Somebody's taken it away.

We must have turned a secret switch.
Hey, there's another way out there.

This must be the way the murderer went.

Alright, go on then.
- Oh no.

It's your turn now. After you.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

He's got me.

Great Scott. It's Lamb.

Don't be an ass. He's not the ..

Wait a minute.
What are you supposed to be?

Maybe if I'm mechanised
it will help a bit.

Mechanised.

Get him?

No. Not likely to.
He'll put it off for a week now.

[ Female scream! ]

What's that?
- I don't know. He hasn't put it off.

It's up on the battlements.
It's those cats again.

[ Female voice ]

Let me go!

I never heard a cat say that before.

Let me go.
- Give me the gun.

Let me go. Let me go!

Look .. I told you so.

Get off her.

Are you alright, Mrs Wigmore?
Come on. Help me with her.

Sit down.

Here we are.

What's that?
- It's only Tis-bags.

Yes. A sort of battledress.
- That's right.

It's alright.
I'll be better in a minute.

He was signalling.

I saw a light flashing.
I came out and he attacked me.

We must lock him up
and phone the police.

Where's a safe place?
- I'll show you.

I wonder who he was signalling to.

What does it matter? We've got him.
Come on, help me lift him up.

Turn him over. Right.

This way.

It's a very good idea.

This is the torture chamber.

A radiogram.
They're up to date with their tortures.

Don't be silly.
That's where the pipes come from.

Yes. It frightened everybody
to death. Except me of course.

Are you sure it's absolutely safe?

Yes. No-one can get out of this
room once the door is shut.

He's safe alright.

Hey, look. He's coming round.

You thought you'd get
away with it, didn't you.

You have to stop her.

She's a Nazi agent.

Come off it. Don't try that stuff.

I'm from the Secret Service.

I caught her signalling a submarine.

It looks as if he was right.

They've been using the castle
to land spies from submarines.

There's one due tonight. When they
come in our chaps will get them.

She's trying to stop them.

You've got to stop her.

I can't believe Mrs Wigmore signalling a
submarine and blowing the phantom pipes.

Not to mention a couple of murders.

To think I let her rub my
back with embrocation.

We have to get out somehow to
stop her signalling the submarine.

How?

What's that?
- What's what?

Something is rumbling.

It isn't me.

I say.

Either you're getting taller,
or the ceiling is coming down.

By Jove, you're right. So it is.

This is one of the tortures.

She's not taking any chances.
It's going to squash us flat.

Can't we escape through the grating?

What, with all those meat
skewers there? No. Yell for help.

Help, help, help.

Can't you shout any louder than that?

Help. Help. Help!

They won't hear us if we yell all night.
- They heard the loudspeaker.

I've got it.

We'll get it too.

This mike connects to speakers
all over the castle.

We can speak through it.

Good. That's bound to help.

Hello. This is the Home Service.
This is Hillary Tisdaile speaking.

Here is an S.O.S.

That's no good.
We haven't all night. Hello.

Whoever is listening in, listen.

[ Tannoy ]
"Shut up. We're shut in somewhere ."

"Help. Help. S.O.S."

It's Tis-bags and Baa-lamb.

They're shut in somewhere.

"Tell them where we are and hurry up."

Thorne is there too.
- Where's it coming from?

It sounds like it's out in the passage.

Come on.

It's very, very urgent.
Not a moment to lose.

Say where the torture chamber is.
Tell them how to find us.

Go to the main hall.
First on the right, second on the left.

That's it, second on the left.

"Find a secret entrance in the corridor
It's the one by the spiral staircase."

"If you bang on the wall it opens."

That's right.

There .. now it's busted.

Something's happened. It's stopped.

The corridor by the spiral
staircase. Thump the wall.

Come on you chaps. Downstairs.

You know, I think we ought to
toss up who wears this armour.

Come on. Out you go.
- Don't let her go. It's good luck.

Enough of us here without her.
- Give her a message to help find us.

She may forget what we tell her.
- We can write it down.

Don't be silly. She can't read.

Write it down and tie it on her.

Give me some paper.
- I have none.

Give me your collar.
- Yes. What for?

Never mind what for.
- Alright, here.

Hurry. She's restless.

Sing to her. Keep her interested.

Hello pussy. How are you, alright?

Give me your tie.

Come on, hurry up with it.

Come on. That's enough. Don't waste
time tying twiddly little knots.

Put her out. On her way.

Come on, pussy. Off you go.

Go on, pussy. Go on.

I hope someone sees her.

They're bound to sooner or later.
- But it may be much too later.

Hey, let's get under that
table. It's made of iron.

Even the stones can't squash that.
- Come on, then.

I hope you're right
about iron and stone.

Of course I'm right. Don't you
break stone with an iron hammer?

Look at it.

Shut up. Shut up.

Hey, what's that?
Looks like one of Baa-lamb's collars.

It has a message on it.

'SOS'.

'Look for crossed
sabres in top corridor'.

'Thump wall just below.
Come quickly. P. Thorne'.

Top corridor. We've been
thumping the wrong one.

Come on, chaps. Upstairs.

We shall all be like
sardines in a minute.

What are you grumbling about?
You're already in a tin.

Here it is.
- Just below, the message said.

Let me out. Let me out.

How on earth did you get in there?
- Never mind that. Where's Mrs Wigmore?

Up on the battlements. Come on.

There she is.

Stand back.

Put that down.
- She's probably bluffing.

We'll teach her to make
pancakes out of us.

Yes .. let's rush her.

It's your turn now. Come on, you do it.

Never mind. Ignore that.

Come along, Mrs Wigmore.

That's that.

The end of the phantom pipes.
- Yes, we shan't hear those anymore.

Yes.

[ Siren ]

That's the All-Clear.
- Yes.

You can go home now if you like.

Come on.

..s-d..