Original subtitles

And now, "Colt .45"

A Warner Bros. television production.

Colt !

'Sir, Chief Big Looking Glass'

"brought in Mr. Colt.'"

For your information, Mr. Miles

Mr. Colt has brought in Chief Big Looking Glass.

What the hell do you mean by manhandling Big Looking Glass ?

What the hell do you mean by having your scout

bushwack me on the trail ?

When I couldn't locate you by telegraph

I ordered Big Looking Glass to find you

'hogtie you and bring you in.'

Well, apparently, he took you literally.

What's the problem, general ?

We're missing two mules, one wagon, and one driver.

- Army wagon, sir ? - Don't be ridiculous.

If it were an army wagon, I'd turn out the regiment.

It was a civilian cargo wagon.

So far, I don't see what concern I'd have in that.

Perhaps I could arouse your interest, Mr. Colt

when I tell you that wagon

contained 1000 bright, beautiful, shiny

'brand-new Colt .45 revolvers.'

Well, I'm beginning to be concerned.

So am I.

Thousand of your guns in the hands of hostile Indians

is a dangerous threat to this command.

And an expensive loss to the army, sir.

Your sympathy for the army touches me deeply, Mr. Colt.

But the loss is to your company.

Under the contract you signed with us

'the guns were to be delivered'

from Hartford, Connecticut to me.

Here, at Fort Keogh.

They will be.

We have a joint responsibility.

Mine is to the peace and security of this area.

- If you need any help.. - I'm sure I won't.

Bet I know what you want.

What I want is information.

Anything you wanna know is right there.

Excuse me, mister, would you write something for us ?

We forgot our glasses.

Your eyes look pretty sharp to me

which one of you wears the glasses ?

- Both of us. - We use the same pair.

I know what you mean.

What do you want me to write ?

Oh, here.

Just dip your finger in our beer.

Least I can do is use my own.

Duke killed Patrick.

Duke ?

Killed Patrick.

Yeah. We gotta see ya..

Right away.

How do you want me to sign it ?

- Butch. - And Hank.

Many thanks, mister.

Glad to be of service.

- Hope Duke can read. - Read ?

You never see him but that his nose ain't buried

in the National Stage and Sports gazette.

Excuse me.

Well, my good friend and most worthy adversary

Christopher Colt ! My compliments, sir.

Although, please don't remain standing on my account

I was leaving anyway.

Not so fast.

I've been waiting to ask you a few questions.

Waiting for me ?

I wrote that message on the mirror for two boys of yours.

A 1000 guns have been stolen. You know anything about it ?

My dear sir, do you think that I would steal guns ?

Yes.

Now my feelings are hurt.

Same old Duke.

The most refined killer in the West.

Ple.. Please, I'm, I'm rather sensitive

about those times I've had to defend myself.

Am I going to have to send you to prison again, Duke ?

I don't think so, Mr. Colt.

But this I promise you.

Not alive.

Would it embarrass you

if I keep bringing up

the subject of a 1000 stolen guns.

No, no. Not in the slightest.

Let's keep in touch. Shall we ?

You unutterably stupid louts !

- Hello, Duke. - Hi, Duke.

Do you know what you've done now ?

We figured you'd know

where to find us.

Now that I found you, I should

render you limb from limb.

What did we do ?

You merely set me up for the fastest gun in the west.

- Do we know him ? - You know him.

You engaged him as your secretary.

He wrote your message on the mirror.

We done wrong. Duke ?

Well, no. Nothing like that.

You've merely stolen 1000 Colt Army Revolvers

with Chris Colt himself in town looking for them.

Why didn't you steal the stars from General Mouser's shoulders ?

Well, what do we do ?

First, get rid of the wagon, and turn the mules loose.

Oh, but Duke. Them's awful good mules.

When you steal a man's wife

he's sometimes, but not always annoyed.

"Steal his money and it hurts him deeply.'

But steal his mules and wagon, and he'll hang you.

We're in trouble enough.

I don't care how fast a gun this Colt is.

That's why you are almost a collector's item in ignorance.

'I| care very much.'

Well, anyway, you're smarter than Colt.

I hope you're right.

You'll think of something, Duke.

This time I'd better.

Thought of anything yet, Duke ?

No.

Yes ! That's it.

Senor !

Most distinguished as a grinder.

And his most beautiful espoza.

The legendary hero of beautiful Mexico.

I heard the call of your phantom flute.

You want something sharpened ?

I wonder if you know what part you played

in the history of your great country.

Knife ?

How you carried messages

from the mountains of Guerrero

to the swamps of Bella Cruz.

Scissors ?

How you reunited lovers, saved armies.

Razor ?

You see..

I know the ritual.

On meeting one of your honored and ancient calling

the knot in the handkerchief to ward off El Diablo.

Ta loco.

You want my wife or my wheel ?

Come on, mija.

Hank ! Butch !

Take the wheel to the cave.

It's always so nice meeting you socially.

Have you given any thought to my stolen guns ?

I'm sorry I'm unable to share your troubles

But I've been very busy.

Doing what ?

Well, I'm a little reluctant to tell you

but I've just decided to go into business for myself.

- Oh ? - Yes, I'm selling a rival gun.

Magnificent weapon.

Superior in every respect to the, Colt.

What's the name of this gun ?

The, Mustang.

My shipment hasn't arrived yet.

It's a crime how slow these freight wagons are.

It is a crime.

But it's an honor to be your competitor.

I hope I don't tread on your toes.

You'll know if you do.

Hand me a gun.

- Now, listen carefully, - 'Yup.'

'Stop grinding that hurdy-gurdy and come over here.'

There are four marks of identification.

One on top of the barrel, on the left side of the barrel.

Here under the cylinder, and worst of all

the serial number. Here.

Now..

...with this stone.

We'll grind these marks off and buff them so carefully

that no one will be able to prove it's a Colt.

However, you cannot do this if you go about it

as though you were shoeing a horse.

I'm entrusting you two

with an extremely delicate operation.

'Only because I have no one else to do the job.'

And because you were stupid enough

to steal the guns in the first place.

Good. Now when that's buffed

no one will be able to tell it from any other gun.

What about the handle ? There's a picture of a Colt on it.

The animal you see, my observing little friend

is not a Colt.

It is a Mustang, but it won't be there for long.

How do you fix that ?

I'm going to San Francisco to buy new handles.

When I return

I expect to find the identification

neatly erased from 999 guns.

What happens if Colt should find us ?

One of two things.

If you don't draw on him, you'll be in jail.

If you do, you'll be dead.

You know I hate to see anything go to waste that we could sell.

Even pistol grips.

I'm hungry.

If you want, I should try and shoot us a rabbit stew.

No, it'd make too much noise.

Let's steal one of them goats we saw,

Yeah.

Beautiful mother of pearl.

From the land of the rising sun.

Setting me back 20 cents a pair.

But adding $10 to the price of the gun.

Step right up, gentlemen.

Step right up, gentlemen.

Not only is this new weapon destined to win the west

but it is your personal gun

with your name engraved on the\ barrel.

With your purchase of one of these

magnificent revolvers

for the paltry price of $26

I will engrave your name in bold letters

'for all the world to see.'

Or the name of the fortunate young lady

whose honor you're sworn to defend.

Now..

'Doctor John M. Holliday'

'what an honor it would be, sir, to sell you a gun.'

Oh.

Well, I ain't Doc Holliday,

but I'll buy a gun.

The resemblance is remarkable.

And who's the beautiful young lady to whom you're dedicating

this magnificent weapon>

Big nose, Kate.

A charming name.

Senor, senora.

What are you doing so far from home ?

A Mexican carries Mexico with him.

I'm Senor Afilador.

Next week I'm Pancho

only a scissor grinder.

Today I'm as large in my heart like Juarez

and all the heroes of my country.

I'm sure you are.

Is there anything I can do for you ?

My wife is well.

Only the goat is sick.

What's the matter with him ?

He ate a pistola.

- Your goat ate a pistol ? - Si, senor.

- Where did you get this ? - In ravine. There are many.

- Gracias, senor. - Si, senor.

Here you are, sir.

Now please be patient, gentlemen

my assistant will be here in a moment

with more guns.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Butchingham.

Now.. Well..

The distinguished Mr. Christopher Colt.

We are honored.

This, Mr. Colt... is the mustang.

What do you think of it ?

I think it's the most remarkable piece

of counterfeiting you've ever done.

Counterfeiting.

My dear, sir, are you implying that this magnificent weapon

is in anyway similar to your... um, Colt ?

I'm not implying anything. It is a Colt.

Gentlemen, my honor has been impugned.

I will prove the Mustang is far superior to the Colt.

Not only in accuracy but in firing power.

Mr. Colt, I demand satisfaction.

I challenge you to a contest here and now.

What are you trying to prove ?

- Are you afraid ? - Very well, Duke.

Call your best shot.

Mr. Innkeeper, may I avail myself of

two of your luxurious chairs ?

- Help yourself. - Thank you.

Mr. Butchingham, select any two.

Yes, those will do fine. Are they satisfactory, Mr. Colt ?

I don't know what you have in mind but...

Excellent, excellent. Now strip the chairs, Mr. Butchingham

and set the seats on the table as targets.

I will now prove that the Mustang

will outshoot Mr. Colt's gun.

Take the one on the right, sir.

Please fire when ready.

Thank you, gentlemen, thank you.

Now does anyone else want one of these glorious Mustangs.

Step right up, gentlemen.

I was wrong, general. I need help.

May I borrow chief's scout looking glass.

Should have thought that Indian would have had enough of you.

- Go ahead. - Very well.

Don't you even say thanks.

One does not thank a general officer, sir.

It's presumed that everything he does

is for the good of the service.

I hope this time it's for the good of Chris Colt.

Thank you, general.

The, elemental theory of trajection

or as I use to explain to the famous German

general of artillery, Bennermann Klozitz

is the point of impact at which two lines

originally parallel converge

after refraction.

Here you are, sir.

Henrietta O'Shaughnessy.

I should charge you extra.

You're under arrest, Duke.

What for ?

It's illegal to sell a gun to an Indian.

- What's the matter ? - It's Colt.

Colt. He ain't gonna find me.

Lay down your gun.

Well, I, I guess you could have killed me.

I like it better this way.

You put that Indian up to buying that gun, didn't you ?

Naturally. I learned that from Judge Roy Bean.

It was a low down trick.

No lower than the way you rigged that shooting match

with a trick chair.

And thanks for the pro-handles.

The army can't use them but I'm sure

my company will be interested in novelty.

What do I get for, um... selling a gun to an Indian ?

Um, about two years for selling.

Another five years for grand larceny,

Thanks, chief.

I'll take him.

Oh, and tell the general his guns are on the way

with a pro-handled one for himself.

My compliments.

♪ There was a gun that won the west ♪

♪ There was a man among the best ♪

♪ The fastest gun or man alive ♪

♪ A lightning bolt when he drew that Colt .45 ♪

♪ He carried the message of law and of order ♪

♪ Into a wicked land ♪

♪ With a Colt single action army revolver ♪

♪ Blazing from either hand ♪

♪ There was the right, there was the wrong ♪

♪ The gun was quick, the man was strong ♪

♪ And peace was made when they'd arrived ♪

♪ A lightning bolt when he drew that Colt .45 ♪

♪ Colt .45 ♪

♪ Colt .45 ♪