Original subtitles

DARK, DRAMATIC MUSIC

LOW RUMBLING

WHOOSHING

ZAP

MUSIC CONTINUES

EVIL CACKLING ECHOES

Tim? Rose?

BOTH: Lucy?

Who's Lucy? BOTH YELL

SPIDER SHRIEKS BOTH SCREAM, SPIDER SHRIEKS

Stop screaming!

Where are we?

DARK CHORAL MUSIC

I think we finally made it to Badjelly's castle, Tim.

I always imagined that storming her castle

would feel slightly more victorious.

And this dungeon is so cliche-witchy.

SPLAT

SPLASH

Carrots chopped, garlic smashed.

"Boy and girl best fresh and wriggling." Lovely.

They seemed very wriggly in the sack.

Oh, let me check they're fresh.

The little one had a slight odour.

DOOR RATTLES

Hello, boy and girl. How long I eat for you.

I-I-I-I mean, I wait to eat.

I have long...

Knickers!

Did you mean to say,

"I've been waiting to meet you for so long"?

Eat you, yes,

for so long.

And now you've arrived at the perfect time -

just as my powers need a little boost,

one that can only be achieved

with a tasty bowl of boy-girl soup.

THUNDER CRASHES

What? Boy-girl soup?

Yes. Why are you so confused? I feel the title says it all.

"Boy-gil"? Is that Italian?

It's... universal.

Don't you mean beef soup?

No, I mean boy-girl soup.

But when cow is cooked, it becomes beef.

Lucy, uh, if you can hear me,

it's very rare and very unlikely.

Well, when a boy and a girl are boiled to tender perfection

in a nice stock, it becomes

boy-girl soup.

What kind of supermarket sells kids for a soup?

None, as it turns out.

Which is why I'm glad you do home delivery.

You're going to eat us?

Oh, absolutely not.

Don't look so pleased with yourself.

It's not because you're tasty.

It's to maximise my powers to whatever is beyond infinity.

Oh, no, no, no, we are not letting you do that.

It is tiring

when ingredients can talk.

We'll die before we become your soup.

The recipes says you should be alive and wriggling, actually.

Anyway, this has been nice,

but I didn't expect my big villain speech

to become so conversational.

If you could just do these stretches,

it will help make sure you're tender and delicious.

GROANS, STRAINS

This one for the hamstrings.

This one... GROANS

Ouch...

Well, I don't know what this one stretches the core, maybe?

And you,

are you fresh enough,

or are you just farty?

I need you fresh for my soup,

but you have a funny smell. SNIFFS

GASPS Oh!

My onions are burning!

WAILS

Ugh.

If her cooking is as bad as her speechmaking, we're in trouble.

DARK, RUMBLING MUSIC

THUNDER RUMBLES

She's even more horrible than I thought she would be.

Do you think being boiled to tender perfection

is a process we'll survive?

We're not going to be soup.

And I'm not going to be tender.

BADJELLY: Eat up.

Nobody wants to eat scrawny children.

Mmm. Mmm.

Well, I have to hand it to her - the old lady can cook.

It's not great news, but...

nicer to be gently boiled to death by a good chef

than a bad one.

No boiling, no death. We'll be long gone before then.

READS: "And after the back legs of an ant

"are added to taste, the boy and girl must be submerged

"right at the first glimpse of the rising sun..."

The first glimpse of the rising sun?

"..representing the hopeful young lives

"that will be snuffed out to save an old crone's powers."

LAUGHS Old crone.

By George, there I am.

ROSE GRUNTS

Oh, this is hopeless.

We haven't got long, and this tunnel can't fit anything

larger than a mouse.

EXCLAIMS, SQUEAKING

A sneaky creature is attacking me! Ah!

Did someone say a mouse-sized escape route?

Dinglemouse, you're here!

And you're not a sneaky creature...

which is great. Indeed.

13 hours snoozing in a woolly sweatshirt

and I feel ripe and ready.

OK, Dinglemouse, this is the plan -

you're going to need to find the keys,

climb the door, and...

Rose, sweetie, I'm gonna stop you right there.

I'm here for one thing, and one thing only -

for Badjelly to turn this ragged rodent

back into a beautiful banana.

I appreciate the warm ride and the tunnel.

That would have taken me years with these useless little paws.

Huh. Surely it's faster with paws than a banana skin?

Tim, no conversation. We are furious with her.

A mouse faster than a banana? Pah!

Have you ever slipped on a banana skin

and fallen down a flight of stairs?

"It's the fastest thing you can do

"and the pinnacle of comedy," she said, with a cocky glint.

GROANS ANGRILY

Look, for what it's worth,

I think you'll both make delicious soup.

Good day.

She is a sneaky creature.

ROSE GROANS, CUTLERY CLANGS

WIND HOWLS

UNCERTAIN MUSIC

MUDWIGGLE GRUNTS

Keep going. I can see the castle.

Shall we play a nice game to lift the spirits?

CHUCKLES Ooh, yeah.

OK. I spy with my goblin eye, something beginning with D.

Dread. Despair. Devastation.

Things you can see, Rusty.

Drop?

Long drop down.

OK, I feel like we're not approaching this game

with a sense of optimism.

I can't see anything but castle, mountain, sky...

You give up! The answer is...

the dilly-dally dance.

Doo, doo-doo-doo-doo. CLICKS TONGUE

Doo, doo-doo-doo-doo. CLICKS TONGUE

Doo-doo-dee-doo. Doo-doo-doo-doo. CLICKS TONGUE

Dilly-dilly-dat. CLICKS TONGUE

Dilly-dilly-dat. CLICKS TONGUE

Dat-dat-dat. CLICKS TONGUE

Diddily-daddily-daddily-daa.

Oh! Ooh! Just a little something for the team morale.

I loved it, Binklebonk.

Shall I have a go? BINKLEBONK AND MUDWIGGLE: No!

That's a dance best performed by a petite goblin,

OK, buddy?

# Breakfast soup, boy-girl gloop

# One big bowl, it makes you... #

ECHOING: Poop!

RUMBLING

Oh, here they go, here they go. Whoa! Whoops.

Mind the boulder! Excuse me, excuse me. Whoa!

That's a big one.

Ooh! How embarrassing. Ha.

BINKLEBONK GROANS

CRASH

"So, Badjelly," she said with fierce determination...

GRUNTS

"I'm thinking we could come to a little deal.

"You turn me back into a banana,

"and I help you with all the things bananas do best -

"a little DIY..."

GRUNTS

"..a little massage, some tax work,

"get those expenses in order." GRUNTS

GRUNTS

GRUNTS

GROANS ANGRILY

That two-faced, backstabbing,

rotten-to-the-core mouse!

She's a traitor. A traitorous banana mouse.

GROANS

CLANG

GROANS

Oh!

GASPS

Hey, this is weird.

Check it. Trick hole!

Oh, that has to be the way out.

Find more magic stones, Tim.

MYSTERIOUS MUSIC

GASPS

PORTALS HUM

The cell must be cursed.

Or charmed. The magic might lead us somewhere.

THUNDER RUMBLES

RUMBLING MUSIC

EXHALES

GRUNTS

Ahoy, Badjelly!

You!

You're looking perfectly "horridible".

What's the secret?

The secret?

I'm the most feared and powerful witch in all the land,

and I'm making a soup that will...

Oh, yeah, yeah. I've heard tales of this soup.

Everyone's really excited about the soup,

talk of the town.

Can I help you, or are you just here to irritate me?

CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

Still a jokester, I see.

Anyhoo, I reckon this old Dinglemouse

has dingled her last day.

I'm thinking of a little self-improvement -

going to night school, maybe even...

becoming a banana again. CHUCKLES

Care to help a girl out?

TENSE MUSIC

FLAMES ROAR

GASPS

SPLAT

BLENDER WHIRRS

GASPS

Knight school?

Back in my day,

knights didn't go to school.

They went to battle. LAUGHS

TENSE MUSIC

TENTATIVE MUSIC

Whoa. Rose, look. It connects to every room in the castle.

BEEP Me my moo.

SQUAWKING

BEEP Me my moo.

INTERCOM: 'Hello, Perry's Pickled Pizzas?'

Ew! SIREN WAILS

BEEP Me my moo.

INTERCOM: 'The dungeon you have reached is not in service.'

Me my moo.

Me my moo.

COW MOOS

BOTH: Lucy!

LAUGHS We found you!

Rose, where do you think the cauldron room -

Badjelly's central lair, main hallway red doors is?

Lucy, we're coming for you. COW MOOS

We're coming, Lucy.

We're going to save you from the cauldron

and the creepy grasp of that graspy witch!

They're very loud.

I hope that won't affect the flavour of my soup.

The recipe doesn't say anything about how loud they should be,

and they're very obsessed with that cow.

Does it do some special trick that I'm not aware of?

Ooh, I wish I could've read the manual.

So far it's chewed, slept and farted.

Hardly a showstopper, but she is a very good listener.

GRUNTS

Save yourselves, sweet bananas! GRUNTS

GRUNTS, PANTS

"You're a monster," she bellowed angrily!

I will avenge my species! GRUNTS

Ah, what an odd little rodent!

And... did she call me a monster?

I haven't been called a monster in years.

LAUGHS

Still got it, baby!

Yee-haw!

I wonder what Binklebonk, Mudwiggle and Rusty are up to.

Oh, I hope they're not worried about us.

Maybe they found a way in through a secret door

and they're fighting Badjelly head-on,

ready to rescue us and Lucy.

That's a nice thought,

but I'm sure if Binklebonk was fighting Badjelly

he'd have found some way to brag to us about it.

Well, if Mudwiggle and Rusty are fighting Badjelly,

she's probably begging for mercy as we speak.

"Have mercy on me, tiny worm and robotic feline.

"I am but a silly witch."

GASPS Tim, look.

You know what? GULPS

I think I may have eaten too many... bananas.

GAGS

I'm going to be backed up for weeks.

Good thing I've got some soup coming tomorrow.

DARK MUSIC

WIND HOWLS

Do we feel confident we're on the right path?

I feel confident. It's the only path.

Nice. Good enough for me.

And once we're there, I was thinking,

do either of you know what Lucy looks like?

I knew a Lucy once.

She was a bicycle.

No, no, wait, she had a bicycle, saw a bicycle?

What's all this about bicycles?

I haven't ever seen a cow,

but according to Tim, she's as beautiful as she is kind,

and charming as she is large.

Well, she should be easy to spot, then,

especially if she's standing next to Badjelly.

RUMBLING

Oh, whoops. Oh, sorry. Had a tickle. CHUCKLES

Like little creatures were walking all over me. Ooh.

Mudwiggle! Will you be more careful?

You're tickling the mountain!

FINGERS TINKLE

CHUCKLES

Ooh.

PORTAL SHIMMERS

Oh, spooky.

I'll have a peep.

Ugh!

Ah, using a portal to get around.

That comes with a lifetime jail sentence, young man.

It does?

Oh, yes. In fact, I'd say you best not...

"leaf" the scene of the crime.

And he's gone.

I wonder if it's the puns driving people away,

Or maybe it's the constantly opening

with the threat of jail time.

Whoa!

EXHALES

I really have chosen an awfully scary place to patrol this time.

I am terrified.

I think maybe we should just take our chances with the soup.

Uh, I think I'd prefer not to.

I used to like soup,

before an old witch was trying to boil me alive in it.

I wonder what the flavour will be. Tomato?

We are the flavour, Tim. We're the tomatoes.

SIGHS Rose,

let's take a break.

You'll think of a new plan. You always do.

Hey, you're not too bad with plans yourself

for someone who lives entirely in the moment.

Well, yeah. I've been getting better.

I've been thinking ahead.

Oh, yeah? Making plans?

Yeah. When we get home, I'm going to build a clubhouse

where all our new friends can hang out.

Oh, I could make it small,

and Binklebonk could make it big with one of his rhymes.

And you can help design it, of course.

You're great at art stuff.

That sounds really nice.

Yeah. I thought you'd like that plan.

I know Mum and Dad will be looking for us. I know.

They'll be so impressed by all your genius escape plans.

Hopefully they can recognise me now that I'm a genius.

Of course they will.

And if not, I'll just introduce you.

CHUCKLES

Oh, look. Cute little cracks.

Rusty...

don't move.

Oh, look, large cracks.

ALL SCREAM

Help! I'm falling!

And we know my feelings about falling!

Binklebonk, grab a branch!

Ow. Ow! Ow!

I can't. They keep hitting me! Ow!

Ah! OK!

CRASH

RUSTY GRUNTS

BINKLEBONK AND MUDWIGGLE YELP

OK, I'm fine.

Once again, your wormly strength is much appreciated.

Ooh. Is this...

a nest?

Oh, I don't like this.

I don't like this one bit.

Why? What's wrong with a nest?

Worms and nests do not mix.

We're told it's the second to last

and the last thing a worm sees before it dies.

Second to last and last?

Yeah. In between regurgitations.

Mudwiggle, I'll never let anyone regurgitate you.

Hm. This is such a big nest, though.

I mean, you're probably too little for whatever lives here.

It probably wants to eat something a bit bigger,

like, uh...

Oh, no. Hang on. Oh, no.

Who enters my nesty domain?

MAJESTIC MUSIC

WHIMPERS

Jim the Eagle! Oh! Oh, thank goodness.

It's Jim, everyone.

Oh, don't panic, Mudwiggle.

Come on. It'd be an honour to be eaten by this eagle.

Of the portals that led us to certain death,

I'd say the lava pit is more exciting than Badjelly's lair,

but I could be swayed by the room with no floor.

PANTS HEAVILY

You traitorous little mouse! You double-crossing rodent!

You two-faced...

Children, you were right. She's a monster,

and I wish to rejoin your fight against her.

Don't listen, Rose. To accommodate a traitor

is to treat the treasonous turncoat with too much trust.

Whoa, Tim. Where'd all that come from?

I just made it up with all the T-words I could think of.

It weirdly makes sense.

She didn't want to turn you back into a banana,

so now you're on our side?

I don't know how to phrase this

in a way that won't scare you,

but she has a very unhealthy relationship with bananas.

Yeah, she has an unhealthy relationship to all things -

living and dead. We knew that.

She wants to eat us in a soup.

My goodness.

That witch has an enormous appetite.

Yeah, for death and destruction.

Hup!

But I wanna help you fight her.

What exactly can you offer us?

I know my way through the castle.

It's both falling apart and enchanted.

I know people who fought her before

and would fight her again.

And how could we trust you? We can't.

You can probably trust that she... Rose,

where did you get that piece of gem?

It's kind of a long story.

DINGLEMOUSE GRUNTS

Dinglemouse slide.

GROANS ANGRILY

I hate that stupid Dinglemouse!

DARK MUSIC

Oh, what is this?

GROANS

Soup eve! CHUCKLES

GROANS I'm too excited to sleep.

Maybe Nanajelly's old sleepy-time rhyme will help.

# Lay your head and go to sleep

# These blankets You are underneath

# Close your lids, I do advise

# Or ghosts and ghouls... #

YAWNS

# Will steal your eye. #

SNORES

PANTS

Morning?

Not yet? Oh...

Good things take time,

like soup and compound interest

and being the most powerful witch in the world.

SIGHS CONTENTEDLY

SNORES

EERIE MUSIC

HOWLING, HOOTING

Kids?

I think that was a howl then a hoot.

Hm. I thought they might be exploring

new ways of communication. They're so clever like that.

HOWLING, HOOTING

Do you think the howls and hoots are working together to hunt us?

Maybe they're hunting each other,

and whatever howled is going after whatever hooted.

Honey! Oh, sorry, sweetie.

I forgot the concept of a food chain scares you.

Since becoming a vegetarian,

I think animals feel like I'm easy pickings.

Sweetie, don't forget what we always tell the kids -

however bad things feel now,

they always feel better in the morning.

So true.

As soon as the sun comes up,

the world gets warmer and things feel better.

Sunrise is coming, kids,

and we're coming to save you.

We'll just have to survive the night.

CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

THUNDER RUMBLES

DARK, DRAMATIC MUSIC

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