Original subtitles

DARK, DRAMATIC MUSIC

LOW RUMBLING

WHOOSHING

ZAP

MUSIC CONTINUES

EVIL CACKLING ECHOES

Paddle... paddle!

Oh.

We've run aground.

Or "atree".

We've run "atree".

Thank you for sailing

with Mudwiggle's Ferry Good Time Ferry Service.

I hope you all saw the small print -

in the instance of complete boat destruction,

delivery to final destination can not be guaranteed,

and a partial refund issued in three to five working days.

but only to surviving passengers.

Who've we still got?

QUIRKY MUSIC

BINKLEBONK: Well, not just for style, is it?

Look at me. My whole life saved by my gorgeous belt.

Sturdy as a straitjacket.

Ugh.

We lived!

SIGHS DEEPLY What a relief.

I can't believe it, Rose. You captained the boat.

You steered us past a giant's massive gob.

But I crashed it over the edge of the waterfall.

Yeah CHUCKLES. I loved that bit.

Oh, not to downplay Rose's steering,

but we shouldn't overlook the role of my belt.

I'm sorry, Mudwiggle. I destroyed your boat.

Oh, don't worry, love. I don't think it was gonna pass

the next safety inspection anyway.

But that's your home, your livelihood.

I'm a worm!

I live where I please. I rest when I stop wiggling.

I should have never taken the wheel.

Now we're lost.

Better than sloshing around in a giant's belly.

Ugh, and I hear that's terrible this time of year -

overcrowded, little to no amenities.

Rose, being a captain is not about sitting by the dock

in a stationary boat.

The sign of a true captain is...

navigating a ship through rapids - tick.

Then a school of sharks - tick.

Through a giant's fingers and around their open mouth,

missing the sharp, jagged rocks, flinging yourself off a waterfall

to evade certain capture, going down with the ship,

and saving your crew in the process tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick!

And you did it all first try.

I'd sunk three ships before I'd ever met a giant.

Rose! You're a true blue captain.

Aye-aye, Captain. Aye-aye, Captain.

And I, too, aye-aye.

Aye, aye, aye. Well done, Captain Rose.

CHUCKLES Thanks, everyone.

Bit rude, Rusty. You can appreciate her methods are unusual,

but it's hard to argue with all those ticks.

GROANS DESPERATELY

Oh, my oxidation.

You've rusted over.

TIM: I'll get the jam.

Well, I can see why cats hate water,

one drop, and they're completely useless.

Mm-hm.

THUNDER RUMBLES

STORMY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC

THUNDEROUS FOOTSTEPS

I have good news and bad news, I'm afraid.

Um, first of all, we have an invitation for brunch.

SCOFFS And what about the good news?

Oh, that boy and girl you were hoping to make into soup

slipped past my wide open mouth. GROANS

Honestly, what's a witch got to do?

Wait, did you say you tried to catch them in your mouth?!

Yeah, yeah. Like this. Ahhhhhh.

Why didn't you use your hands?

You know, those things you use to grab stuff?

Oh, yes, yes! Great little tip for next time. Thank you.

Dulboot, you fool.

You're the soft underbelly of the legendary Badjelly.

Turn around. I can't bear to look at you any more.

So, the brunch - uh, no promises yet,

but I'm hoping, right, to wrangle a plus one.

And, you know, if you're free...

Ugh. Shut up.

Yep. Yeah. I was thinking of making a quiche, but...

I hate quiche.

FIRE CRACKLES

WHIMSICAL MUSIC

JAM SQUELCHES

That's the way. And point. CREAK

And up. CREAK

And point. CREAK

And out. CREAK

Look at that!

Impeccable form.

Well, well, well... what suspicious goings on do we have here?

Weren't you just upriver and uphill?

I'll ask the questions here, thank you.

Weren't you just upriver and uphill?

Evening, officer. 'Scuse the mess.

My crew and I were being chased by sharks and a giant,

narrowly escaped.

Sharks and giants? A made-up story if I've ever heard one.

Next you'll be telling me you've travelled through a field

full of talking flowers intent on misleading you.

Why does that sound like ominous foreshadowing?

Accusations of foreshadowing? That's an arrestable offence.

Um, excuse me, officer,

I understand this all looks strange -

extremely strange -

but we're in the middle of a dangerous expedition.

We're trying to find Badjelly and bring our cow, Lucy, home.

Badjelly? Oh-ho-ho. You're miles away from her now.

She lives beyond the Bearded Mountain.

Miles away? What?

You should've just crossed the river upstream.

We're aware of that.

But trust me,

far away from Badjelly is the best place to be.

But if we're far away from Badjelly, we're far away from Lucy, you see?

Nice rhyming, guys.

Hmm. That is a pretty little pickle you've got yourselves in.

But it's not too late to abandon the cow and run for your lives.

How dare you? You're a police officer.

You're meant to be brave.

Oh, well, I was brave on one occasion.

And now I'm a tree.

I believe those two facts are related.

We're not gonna leave her. She's our favourite cow.

And our only cow. And part of our family.

Sorry, part of the family? Now I've heard everything.

Next you'll tell me she wears a hat.

Please.

We love her.

SIGHS Well, if you insist...

you'll need to travel through a field full of talking flowers

intent on misleading you.

See? Foreshadowing.

And be warned - they're lilies.

Ooh, I like lilies.

Sorry. I should say Confusalilies.

They're their own thing. Sounds easy enough.

Well, it will be if you follow a few simple rules.

First off, hold your breath if you can.

I can't do that. I'm not sure I have lungs.

Stick to the red path, disregard the green path,

and don't make eye contact with the purple path.

Red, stick to it, disregard green,

don't look at purple?

How will I know if it's purple if I don't look at it?

Oh, boy. They're getting you already.

And what happens if we fall off the path?

Keep your eye on the Bearded Mountain.

Block your ears, and hold your nose.

Did he say ears?

Well, that's the most important thing of all.

Whatever you do, don't listen to anything they say.

Eh? The Confusalilies speak?

Well, they do worse than that.

They befuddle, they bewilder, they confuse...

a-lilies.

Well, they're correctly named. I'll give them that much.

Yeah, well, it's not too late to turn back.

Just forget your pet.

Badjelly's probably turned her into cowboy boots by now anyway.

Save yourself that same fate.

OK, now you're just loitering.

Move along before I call for back-up.

Who you going to call?

A policewoman shrub?

Yes. Her name's Susan. Oh, I see. That's fine, then.

OK, we're going, we're going.

Hey, you know,

we could really use a super strong worm on our journey.

You could? Well, I'm actually due a holiday.

May as well go on one to meet a glorious cow.

And I'm not afraid of Badjelly.

I'll have to do it myself -

catch those wriggly children with my own gnarled hands.

That giant is too stupid.

Handsome in very low light, it has to be said,

but terribly stupid.

DARK, WHIMSICAL MUSIC

Ah!

MUTTERS

I know. I'll go in disguise as one of them.

They'll never see me coming.

I'll lure them in with friendship -

roll a few conkers, jump a few ropes -

but they won't see Badjelly at all.

They'll just see...

Little Boy!

CACKLES

Then I'll invite them to my eighth birthday party

and crush their bones

to make my soup!

LAUGHS MANIACALLY

LAUGHING CONTINUES

Oh, lovely.

Too formal.

Too silly.

Too fancy.

Oh, too sad.

GASPS Stylish, sophisticated,

practical.

I have found

my disguise!

MYSTERIOUS MUSIC

EXHALES OK.

Shall we? Stick to the red path,

disregard the green path,

don't make eye contact with the purple path.

And close your ears and your nose.

MYSTERIOUS MUSIC CONTINUES

A lion, a worm and a goblin walk into a field.

Oh, I love this joke.

Oh, what's the joke?

Don't listen to them, Binklebonk.

Just ignore them. Right. No, you're right.

Good set-up, though.

Nice hat. I love yellow hats.

It's not yellow. And "yell-ow" to you too.

ECHOES: 'Don't forget the rules.

'Look at the purple path, avoid the red path.

'Do handstands on the orange path.'

Huh? There is no orange path.

No orange path?

Where are you going to do your handstands?

I don't know. On the green path?

GROWLS: Wrong again!

The green path is for tap dancing and lamenting.

Don't listen to them. Remember, stick to the red path.

Oh, yes, of course. The red path of death.

That's the one.

Hey, little kids. Hey, little creatures.

Come play in our field.

Way too creepy, Bill.

Sorry, I was...

I thought we were trying to entice them

into our Confusalily fields,

the fields that confuse and confuddle.

Yes, Bill, we are.

We do it with little rhymes, little riddles,

a "one, two, three, walk into me".

Got it. What about, "Over here, our voice you'll hear,

"and you'll all be filled with fear."

Dude, no. Way too dark. Just don't talk.

Can all of you be quiet? Be quiet?

Ooh, good idea. Be quiet.

All right, let's bring it back down.

We're calm. We're quiet.

Deep breaths, deep breaths.

POLLEN: In we go, guys!

OMINOUS MUSIC

Hey, guys, where did the path go?

Where did Rose go?

Arr, me hearties!

It's high time we hornswoggle our way into some loot.

What do you say?

Pirates? We haven't played pirates in ages.

It's not first name Binkle, last name Bonk.

It's just Binklebonk!

Dinkledonk is actually my uncle.

Am too stronger than you. Are not.

Yes, I am. Am, am, am! I'm not listening to a worm.

Well, when you get chopped in half,

you die. SOBS

Tim, what's going on? Everyone's acting super weird.

Everyone's acting like children.

Children?

Like a child. Like a kid.

Like a grown-up before they've grown up.

OK... Should we all do it?

Um, am I doing it right? Don't overthink it, Rusty.

Being a child is all about not thinking too much.

Arr, my noble sister sea dog.

This young scallywag is ready to do your bidding.

BOTH: For bounty, for booty, for a life of endless plunder!

BOTH GIGGLE

Oh, goodness. We're being children.

But I've never been children.

EERIE MUSIC

A tea party. Isn't this fun?

SLURPS TEA

No, no, it's fun when we don't slurp.

And it's also fun when we pretend

we don't want the last biscuit.

OK?

I'd rather be a worm. This fact I do confirm.

# You roll around in dirt all day Squidge and squadge and squirm. #

Shh. Shouldn't we get going?

It was fun for a bit, but I think we need to get to Lucy.

We're approaching the exterior of the temple fortress.

Not a guard in sight.

Rose, did you hear me?

LAUGHS WILDLY Advance!

SIGHS

ROSE GIGGLES

GRUMBLES, MUTTERS

JAUNTY MUSIC

Broom!

Begin calm descent!

Confusalilies. YELPS

WIND WHOOSHES

Hey! SNOT SQUELCHES

Hello. Ugh.

Guten tag. Hi.

Uh, how did you get here? GERMAN ACCENT: Mit Broom!

Uh, uh, oh, Broomhilda,

which is the name of my mother who just dropped me off

because I'm a little boy who can't drive on my own.

Wait, you're a kid?

Tip to toe.

Why is your face so wrinkly?

Why is your face so smooth?

You wouldn't happen to know someone called Badjelly, by any chance?

SING-SONGY: Badjelly, hairy belly, very mean, very smelly.

Yeah, that sounds like her.

She stole our cow. Hee-hee.

SNOT SQUELCHES

What a strange little boy.

LAUGHS

MIMICS RADIO CRACKLING Lunar base,

activate the force field.

We're entering the moon's atmosphere.

MIMICS ENGINE REVVING

And hold...

and hold...

and now! And jump!

And criss-cross herring sauce!

PLAYFUL MUSIC

A sand castle without a moat?

What are we? Common slugs?

Dig. Dig!

Rose. Rose?

Rose!

So, is this gonna last forever?

I think they usually grow out of it.

Grow like a plant?

Or grow like a kid into an adult.

I don't know, Rusty.

I've never seen adults ungrow into children before.

I don't feel ungrown, I feel worried.

I think that's because you were never young

and I was never old.

We just stay put.

I'd like to have been young. What do child lions do?

Cubs.

Well, that's a good question.

I've never met one.

I suppose they play and eat...

Whoa!

Cornflakes! I imagine. Cornflakes?

Maybe if I stay in the field long enough,

I'll learn what it's like to be a cub.

Whoa! Oh! Hi.

Hello. How long have you been here?

LAUGHS Ah.

Oh, how long? Um... how long?

How long? CLICKS TONGUE

I'd say since breakfast, I reckon.

Which breakfast? The breakfast in my tummy.

LAUGHS Yeah.

No. I mean how long ago was breakfast?

Oh, I reckon just days and days. Why?

Oh, do you think it's lunch?

Rusty, I think this place turns people into plants.

WIND WHOOSHES

Oh, that's terrible.

Oh, well, here's hoping it doesn't happen to me, eh?

Mm. I've got a big plan. I want to be famous.

CACKLES

Yeah.

STICK WHIPS

ROPE WHOOSHES QUICKLY

MUDWIGGLE CACKLES

EERIE MUSIC

GIGGLING ECHOES Huh?

YELPS

SPIT SQUELCHES

GIGGLES

Hello. SCISSORS SLICE

GIGGLES

SAND SPRAYS

Arr, me heart... YELPS

GIGGLES

CRACK, GROANS

Ugh, I hate that little boy.

Yeah. He is quite horrible.

I'd really like to get away from him.

MUMBLES TUNEFULLY

Psst!

You are ugly.

SNEEZES

Focus, Badjelly. You've got them right where you...

SNEEZES

..want them!

Just lure them in

with your boyish charm.

LAUGHS

SNEEZES

GIGGLES

Oh, stinkbugs. Look at this. I can't go out like this.

People will look at me. Humiliating.

No, honestly,

you can't even see that sprout thing on your head.

Oh!

So... what you scribbling?

I've got a plan.

Oh, I'll never be homecoming goblin with this on my face.

LASSO WHIPS

LASSO WHIPS

LASSO WHIPS

A kraken! My time has come.

Rusty you wanna know what lion cubs do?

I do. They play a game called fetch.

Fetch is when I throw something

and you run as fast as you can to go get it.

That's it? That's the game? Yeah.

You wanna play? Like a lion cub.

But what if I don't feel like a lion cub?

Just pretend. That's the best part of being a kid -

pretend, make believe... you can be anything you want.

Remember, Rusty, you fetch as fast as you can.

That's the game.

Hey! No snatching.

You really are the worst-behaved boy I've ever met.

I want to play.

You wanna play?

Mmm...

OK. What about hide-and-seek?

Close your eyes, and count to ten.

And then try to find us.

That sounds like a game for babies.

But-but, I mean...

Eins, zwei...

Rusty, you ready?

LAUGHS I'm fetching!

YELPS

EPIC, INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC

...sechs, sieben,

acht, neun,

zehn!

Hey, I want to play.

Drag me. I want to be dragged, and I want to win.

Whoo!

Now what?

Oh, you just spit it out.

Then you do it again and again. LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

Really?

SPITS LOUDLY Oh, sorry.

I can't say I completely understand the game

or how one is meant to be the best at it,

but it feels amazing to act like a children sometimes.

That wasn't so hard, was it? Stick to your red path,

laugh with your friends, and stroll through the field.

Huh? How did I get so muddy?

Tim, are you OK?

Rose, you're back.

Stay old and boring forever.

I never want to see you play a game again.

CHUCKLES Ever again?

Well... CHUCKLES not for a while, at least.

Not even Jiggle Jumble Jingle Jungle?

Uh, I'm sure I could make an exception.

HEART-WARMING MUSIC

PANTS

Wait, wait.

You have to let me win

because I'm...

..a special boy.

Ugh.

You had 'em, Badjelly, you old fool.

You're going to need to up your game.

Ugh. I swear I'll find them. I'll cook them. I'll eat them.

One boy and one girl gently boiled in my boy-girl soup.

I swear it to every creature that breathes in my vicinity.

I will return to full power!

Oh, I forgot my broom.

WHIMSICAL MUSIC

SNEEZES

DARK, DRAMATIC MUSIC

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