Original subtitles

DARK, DRAMATIC MUSIC

LOW RUMBLING

WHOOSHING

ZAP

MUSIC CONTINUES

EVIL CACKLING ECHOES

Aside from the minor mishap of us being stuck in here,

how are you finding the Alone Together?

Thoughts? Feelings? Suggestions?

Well, obviously it's genius. Obviously.

There's no denying that. Yes. A-thank you!

GIGGLES

And having a toilet in here has been...

An unexpected convenience. Yeah. Yeah.

However, having spent the night trapped in this amazing invention,

I would quite like to go back to screaming for help.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, agreed. 100%.

BOTH: Help! Help! DOOR JUDDERS

LEO: Help!

CAT MIAOWS Tim! Tim!

Rose! Rose!

Heeeelp! Help!

Help! Ooh, I can see Fluffybum.

Fluffybum.

Press the big red "open" button.

Fluffybum!

Fluffybum! Over here.

No, no, she can't hear us. CAT MIAOWS

Wait. If I can just...

GRUNTS, METAL CLANGS

Fluffybum,

just press...

the button.

Fluffybum, just please press the button.

HACKING COUGH

Nooo. RETCHES

MACHINE WHIRRS, ELECTRICITY SPARKS

MACHINE POWERS DOWN, DOOR HISSES

Hmm.

Well, that works too.

Good morning, Rose.

Rise and shine, Tim!

Hmm?

Er, where are the kids?

Their beds haven't been slept in.

And Rose is allergic to making beds.

Oh, ho-ho! Look!

There they are.

No, that's just a mop and a broom.

Huh?

Look, let's check outside.

They're probably just with Lucy.

BOTH: Tim! Rose! Lucy!

Ugh, Lucy must have got out again.

Oh, that'll be it. The kids will be off looking for her.

We should go too. You up for a morning walk?

Perfect opportunity to get the blood pumping and the lungs...

lung-ing?

Or is it the perfect opportunity

to use my untested invention - the Cowpat-nav?

Hm, so that will tell us where Lucy is?

No, but it'll definitely tell us

where she's been.

COWPAT-NAV BEEPS RAPIDLY

Fantastic. Quickfire question -

why did you make that?

Huh! I can't believe we're on a real adventure.

Tim and Rose - adventure siblings.

Yeah, I'm not sure I'd call having to save Lucy

from an evil old witch an adventure.

Eh, yeah, whatever. Sounds like an adventure to me.

Rose is right. I'd say it's more of a rescue mission.

Or an extraction. Or...

an exhumation.

What does that word mean?

Oh, it's just when you have to dig up dead...

Oh, adventure! It means adventure.

Mm.

Ha. Told you.

What's that? It's a butterfly.

GASPS And what's that?

Ha. It's grass.

MUNCHES

Bleurgh! Yuck!

Don't eat grass.

Yeah, well, er, it's a lesson we all have to learn.

Erm, is that where we're headed?

CLEARS THROAT The Drownded River.

It'll take you straight to Badjelly's castle.

And that's Mudwiggle's ferry.

She's the biggest, strongest sea captain this side of the river.

Unless she's on the other side of the river,

in which case it's a mystery.

Er, how do we get down?

Couldn't be simpler.

We take the elevator.

Then you'll jump on the ferry,

and I'll go home and never think about Badjelly again -

except for every single day when I remember she ruined my life

by turning my whole family into acorns!

OK, who likes pressing buttons?

INTRIGUING MUSIC

Not so fast! Where do you think you lot are going?

I should arrest you right this minute.

Uh, what did we do?

Good point. Nothing, I suppose.

Now you've got me there.

Are you a real policeman? Am I a...

Ugh!

Use your eyes, kid.

But you look like a tree.

Well, you could say I'm... branching out.

CLEARS THROAT

Right, that was a Grade-A pun.

You're all under arrest for not laughing.

What?! That's not a crime.

You "wooden" think so, would you?

Nothing? It's like you're all begging to go to jail.

So you're a tree policeman?

I prefer policeman tree, but yes.

The big metal donkey has got it.

LAUGHS Donkey!

Now that's funny.

I used to be a normal policeman

before Badjelly turned me into a seed

and I grew into an apple tree.

Now everyone's always trying to climb me.

I'm so sorry.

We've got Badjelly problems too.

We need to use that elevator to save our friend.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but you can't.

It's out of service.

Ugh. When's it going to be working again?

No-one knows.

It's a real... cliff-hanger.

COUGHS

Suit yourselves.

Of course, you could always take... the tunnel.

A tunnel isn't a cave, right?

Ha! Of course not.

It's more like a hundred caves all linked together, you know,

when you think about it. Oh, so a nightmare.

I'll pass, thanks.

Well, you could fire yourself out of the 50/50 Cannon.

CANNON COUGHS

50/50? Oh, yeah.

It gets you to where you want to go 50% of the time.

You know what? I've changed my mind.

Let's take the nightmare tunnel.

Are those are only options?

You think I'd forget there was another option?

Oh, no. No, not at all.

Good. Cos that's an arrestable offence too.

Now... move along.

And, of course, there's always the path of least resistance.

HEAVENLY MUSIC

Oops. Forgot about that one.

Oh, well.

TREACHEROUS MUSIC

My magic is complete rubbish. MAGIC SPARKS

Dulboot! RUMBLING FOOTSTEPS

Hello. You shrieked, madam?

I didn't shriek, I screeched!

Ugh, the only way I can restore my magic

is by slurping a sizeable saucer of sibling soup.

All you had to do

was nab me a boy

and a girl.

And what did you bring me instead?

A horse. A cow.

Cow. Yeah, cow. MOOS

Get a massive henchman, they said.

SIGHS I could try and be smaller.

Maybe I could condense my vertebrae.

STRAINS, BONES CRACK

CLUNK Or I could just crouch.

I can't think!

All this listening to you is giving me a terrible headache.

If only I had some kind of calming spell.

Aha! Calming spell for when your massive henchman

has once again disappointed you with his total incompetence.

Is it really that specific?

Yes. Ingredients -

frog spawn. Got that.

Hemlock yes.

Sweat of a cow?

I... think that can be arranged.

CACKLES

DULBOOT LAUGHS GENTLY

Don't join in! BONES CRUNCH

Hey, look! I think we're almost there.

Whoa! This place looks fun.

Yeah. Reminds me of that carnival

where Nan lost her false teeth on the bumper cars.

BOTH LAUGH

Oh, hee-hee, ha-ha, such fun!

This is the lair of the Unfungi.

She's a terrifying psychopath, obsessed with playing twisted games.

Sweet! I love games.

Ooh, I'm gonna ring that doorbell.

OK, but let's just think about this for a second.

DING Or not.

LOUDSPEAKER CRACKLES, SIGHS

Why did you wake me up?

I was having a lovely dream that there was no-one at my door.

Hello! We're here to use the tunnel.

Oh. Fine. If you want to travel through my tunnel,

you'll have to solve some puzzles or...

or, well, whatever. I don't really care.

DOOR JUDDERS

Whoa!

The first challenge you must beat

requires that you watch your feet.

Best be careful where you tread

if you don't want to end up mashed.

Mashed? I know. It doesn't even rhyme.

Wait, so this is like... uh...

an escape room!

Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!

What's an escape room? Have a guess.

Tiles are different colours, so work out which ones are safe to stand on.

CLUNK Tim!

What? Green is fine.

Trust me, I'm a games expert.

CLUNK, POWER WHIRRS

Goblins first.

POWER WHIRRS Ooh!

Ha. Maybe we all need to stand on different colours.

Hey, looks like we cracked the...

code.

Ew! What's that?

What is that? It's mashed potato. I got mashed, Rose! Pretty obvious!

Ooh, let's all try pink.

No, wait. Hold on one sec... TILES CLUNK

Gravy! Oh, now she's getting it.

You can't have mashed potato without... scalding hot gravy!

Jump!

Oh, you have to be kidding me.

Ooh, yeah, we solved it.

We did not. We're lucky to be alive.

You didn't think at all.

Rose, you can't always solve puzzles by being clever.

Sometimes you just gotta feel it out.

Less big sister brain, more silly brain.

UNFUNGI: Congratulations. You beat my first challenge.

But the worst is still ahead.

Where is that voice coming from?

I think it's, uh, whoever's standing behind that rock.

Ooh, n-no, it isn't.

Wait, you're the Unfungi?

How rude. I'm a very fun guy,

I'll have you know.

UPBEAT AEROBICS MUSIC PLAYS

Is it working? Is she feeling the beat?

No beat feeling

and no sweat dripping.

It's as if she isn't even trying.

SIGHS Let's take a break.

COWPAT-NAV BEEPS, WHIRRS

COWPAT-NAV BEEPS, WHIRRS

CONTINUOUS BEEPING

COWPAT-NAV BEEPS, WHIRRS

You're not a cow pat.

Stand back. Go no further.

The dark forest is no place for nice people like you.

Oh, or two children.

Or a cow.

Two children and a cow?

I mean, unless that's a specific coincidence,

that sounds like Tim, Rose and Lucy.

Remember their names.

They're all dead now. BOTH: What?

I mean, I don't know if they're dead,

but, you know, they might be. They...

No, I should have made that clearer.

It is still up in the air.

We have to go and find them.

Wait here with this smell-smelly... old man,

and I'll get my rucksack.

Ooh, that'll give us time to get to know each other.

CHUCKLES

Do we hug? Do we hug?

I haven't had a hug in years.

This tunnel is huge!

I hope there's a slide.

I hope there isn't.

Well, one of you is going to be very disappointed.

So how did you end up living here?

Every troll is tasked with guarding some sort of passage.

And when I was first allocated this tunnel,

no-one expected much from me.

I mean, usually trolls pose a riddle or two

to folks wishing to pass, low effort stuff, you know?

But I'm not just a troll.

I'm... A mushroom.

Yeah, sort of, but also a total games nut

who loves making rules.

So I thought, why not have some fun on the job?

Hence the booby traps, the puzzles,

and the genuine threat of death.

Oh, hooray (!)

This place was legendary.

People were queue for hours to try my puzzles.

But then Badjelly ruined everything.

Everyone was too scared to travel.

No more adventurers,

no more ramblers,

and eventually,

close friends.

Seems almost disrespectful to play any more games.

Maybe we should skip the fun, and you just let us through.

Oh, no, I can't do that.

I mean, you can only pass if you beat the games.

I don't make the rules.

Wait. You just said that... Fine.

I do make the rules.

But rules are rules.

And a game without rules is just...

an activity.

LOCK CLICKS, DOORS CLUNK

WONDROUS MUSIC

Huh, this looks like Rose's side of the bedroom.

It does not. This place is, in fact, much tidier. Ha.

Your second challenge, if you care,

is to seek out a perfect pair.

Work out the objects that best match

and hope you don't fall down a hole.

Why would you go so far and then not rhyme at the end there?

I think she's great, but I've never been more confused.

We have to find two objects that make a perfect pair.

Like chalk and cheese, but the opposite.

He gets it.

OK.

Three, two, one...

YAWNS

Go! SMOKE WHOOSHES

Oh. Yep.

So the smoke dissipated quicker than expected.

So if you could just look away momentarily.

OK, let's split up and start looking.

Silly brain activate.

Don't mind me. I'm just going back this way.

COALS SIZZLE

CURIOUS MUSIC

Nothing? You're a tough nut to crack.

All right, time to turn it up a notch.

Which sounds scarier -

Don't Look Cow

or Psycow?

Fine. I'll choose.

Don't go in there! Oh! TV PLAYS SCARY MUSIC

Oh! WHIMPERS

How are you not scared?

All right.

New idea!

Yar! Look at me.

I'm a clown pirate.

Ha-ha!

OBJECTS CLATTER, JINGLE

Oi! Can't you look somewhere else?

I'm helping. No, you're threatening.

I've got it!

Egg chair,

egg sit...

Exit!

OK, but let's be sure before we do.

ALARM DRONES, BELL RINGS Yes! Red for correct.

BOTH YELL

I'm not disappointed!

Oh, ridiculous. Everyone knows eggs go best with jam.

Ah, there we go.

Any moment now.

YELPS Oh, well done.

You found a perfect pair.

Wait. Where are the others?

You don't know? No.

I mean, if they went through the trap door...

could be anywhere.

It'll take them ages to escape. We should wait outside.

Out of respect. Have a wee sit down.

Not so fast.

Oof!

You've still got one challenge left.

I'll only let you go

if you beat me

in a board game.

Ooh, yeah!

Oh, yeah. I don't know what a board game is, but sure.

You can even choose what we play, all right?

This one takes 43 hours.

TIM LAUGHS EXCITEDLY

This one

has very complicated rules

that no-one understands.

Oh!

BOTH: Argh!

This one has 10,000 pieces, and one of them's missing one.

Argh! Woohoo!

And this one...

is for babies.

That one. We choose that one.

But it needs four players.

SIGHS

If only my friends were here.

All right, Mum. Game's on.

Argh. BOTH GRUNT

Maybe silly brain wasn't the best choice.

Ugh, this room is super sticky.

SIGHS You're telling me.

CHUCKLES Hello.

I'm Toodaloo, and I'm stuck in fondue.

The Unfungi must have trapped him down here.

Unfungi?

You mean Janice? Looks like a big mushroom on a pile of laundry?

Yes. Do you know her?

Know her? We've been friends for forever.

Her puzzles are incredible.

For example, I've been stuck in this escape room

for the last seven years. LAUGHS

I've only survived by rationing the cheese.

Why didn't you just eat your way out?

I am a Chirpychap,

not a Snortysnuff.

A Chirpychap? You mean a bird?

Never heard of one.

Anyway, we've been having a great time.

All of Janice's friends are here.

Look, there's Beedlebum, who's stuck in gum.

All right? Oddflee, who's stuck in toffee.

Hey there.

And last, but by no means least, Foxygrape,

who's stuck in sticky tape.

HAUNTING MUSIC

Ah! He's dead.

Oh, I'm not dead.

I'm just a Bonychested Ribbyboy.

I think we may have come down the rubbish chute.

OK. We need to get you all out of here.

Oh, yeah, that'd be lovely.

We don't want to miss another games night, do we, guys?

No. Oh, thanks a lot.

MYSTERIOUS MUSIC

Don't worry, Mum. Take your time.

CLOCK TICKS

Oh, look, Tim and Rose are back!

Oh, that's not Tim and Rose. LAUGHS

Easy mistake, but no, that is, in fact, a mop and broom.

Well spotted. My mistake.

Oh, nice move, Mum!

Open wide.

CHILLI SIZZLES

CRUNCHES

BELCHES

Oh, it's no good! Nothing works.

Can cows even sweat?

I should have looked that up first.

All this force-feeding you chillies has made me hungry.

We should lunch.

But what?

Maybe a burger.

Chicken?

Nah... Beef.

HAUNTING MUSIC

Ground, minced, chopped prime beef.

Bingo burger!

Oh! Oh, look. Toes.

We're never going to get out of here.

The slide's the only way in. Hm.

Maybe this is a problem that can be solved with silly brain.

You don't need to make fun of me.

I'm not. I'm serious.

Maybe we need to think silly. If the slide's the way in,

maybe it's also the way out.

Maybe in this world, slides also slide up.

Oh, bless. You're just describing a normal slide.

Up we go.

PLODDING MUSIC

Sorry. Is it my turn?

Whoa! Oof!

Hey, look! The large goblins are back.

CHUCKLES We're not goblins,

but we're happy to see you too, Rusty.

Toodaloo! Beetle bum!

Oddflee! What are you doing here?

I thought you decided not to visit me any more.

You think we'd miss out on all the fun, babe?

Oh, I've not been very fun lately.

In fact, I've been

unfun.

Oh!

That's where the name comes from.

Oh, I hate that we made you feel bad,

and we miss games night.

Actually, we're just getting started.

So, we're done, yes?

You've reunited with my friends

and kind of completed my puzzles.

Letting you go is the least I can do.

Pick a prize on your way out.

No, no. I'm good. I'll only chuck it out when I get home.

Thank you, though.

STRAINS It's too heavy.

I'll just have a lollipop.

GEM TWINKLES

Whoa.

What's this? Oh, some old junk.

Something to remember me by.

Oh, yeah. Cool. It's almost as good as a lollipop, I guess.

POTION BUBBLES, FIZZLES

SLURPS

SIGHS

Oh, I feel so relaxed.

Yes, it took all day,

but my devilish plan's been a complete success.

Goal achieved.

The dark forest will once again be mine.

Ah...

Right after we've kidnapped those children

and made boy-girl soup.

Gah, I forgot about the children!

Why did stupid Dulboot let me waste a whole day

making a calming potion?

Dah!

WAILS

WAIL CONTINUES

Sorry to dampen the mood,

but I don't think this is going to be a nice walk.

Ooh.

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