Original subtitles

CACKLING ECHOES

THUNDER RUMBLES

I can't believe we're lost. We're up pretty high.

Maybe we can see the path back home from here.

I can't see anything. D-Do you think the monster's gone?

Yeah. You know what? I think we might be safe.

Whoa! THEY SCREAM

Argh! We're not safe! We're not safe!

Not at all!

Ah! Watch out!

Hold on tight, Tim! Whoa!

Argh! Oof.

Yeah! Oh, man.

That was crazy! LAUGHS

You thought that was fun? Oh, it was terrifying.

That's why it was fun!

You're so weird. TIM HUMS

Not as weird as that. Tim, stop wandering off.

FROGS CROAK

This is awesome.

Yeah. At least this part of the forest looks less... scary.

But maybe that's what's scary about it.

Oooooh!

Whoa, a tiny door!

Oh! What do you think's inside?

Just leave it alone, Tim.

There's probably a filthy rat in there.

Oh, whoa. Do you promise?

I'm gonna do it.

CLATTERING MUFFLED: Oh! Hold on!

At this time of the night.

If you've come for my trousers, you're in for a rude awakening!

TIM GASPS

Right. So, what are you selling?

Better not be sausage hats, because I'm very happy

with the one I've got, thank you very much.

CREATURE BARKS Easy, boy.

I'm about to get rid of them.

Aww! He's so cute.

Yes. Yes, he is. He's a very good boy.

Aren't you? Who's a very good boy? CREATURE YAPS

BINKLEBONK SIGHS My name is Binklebonk.

And this is Silly Sausage.

Binklebonk and Silly Sausage. Got it.

Er, quick question - is this real?

I don't follow.

This. All of this. Am I dreaming?

GASPS Or am I dead?!

If you're dead, then that means that I'm dead.

I don't wanna be dead!

Would you two stop saying the D-E-A-D word so loud?

If you're not careful, the Bellowing Beast of the Backwoods

will bite your bare bottoms.

TIM GIGGLES But we've got shorts on.

For now.

But if the trouser robbers around here have their way,

your bulbous bums will be on full display

before you know it. TIM GASPS

DISTANT VOICE: Nobody's stealing your stupid trousers!

Oh, that's what a trouser robber would say!

Get over yourself! You get over my trousers, you thief!

Erm, excuse me.

We actually heard the bellowing beast.

That's how we ended up here. He was chasing us.

FOOTSTEPS PATTER

He doesn't usually leave the Backwoods.

Where were we? We came from that way.

The Sidewoods. And this is the Forwoods.

TIM GIGGLES Look at me.

I'm walking backwards in the Forwoods.

W-What are you doing? I don't get it.

THUNDEROUS ROAR

Oh, dear!

You'd best come inside, where it's safe.

Come on.

I don't think we'll fit.

Have you tried?

The door is kinda tiny.

Oh, I'm sorry

I don't live in one of those big-doored mansions, Your Majesty!

All right, stand back.

Tree, tree, one, two, three,

please grow very big for me!

RUMBLING

Whoa! He's tiny and magic!

OK, in you come.

It's still quite small. You can crouch, can't you?

Ugh!

I always forget how inconvenient the grow spell can be for me.

Thanks. So, how come you live in a tree?

Where else would a tree goblin live?

Goblin? Rose! He's a goblin! I told you they exist.

I used to be a mountain goblin. But that was a very long time ago.

Well, thank you very much for having us,

but, erm, we can't stay long.

Well, unless you want to be torn asunder by the beast -

or, worse, have your trousers stolen -

it's probably best you shelter here until morning, I'm afraid.

THUNDEROUS ROAR

SILLY SAUSAGE WHIMPERS

OK, well, I suppose we'll head off in the morning, then.

But we don't even know which way to go.

Well, I'm wonderful with directions. Which way are you heading?

We don't know. Hmm. "Weeduhno".

That could be near Knotreally Shore.

So, our pet cow, Lucy, is lost.

She wandered off, and we're trying to find her.

She didn't wander off. She was taken!

Taken? By who? A cow?

Sorry. I said that in a really weird order.

Taken by a giant hand.

It just came out of the forest and grabbed her. Giant hand?

BINKLEBONK GASPS Oh, no!

Oh, no, no, no! Are those good "oh, no, no"s?

Oh, no. Those "oh, no"s are bad "oh, no, no"s!

Oh, no, no.

The only giant around these parts is...

GASPS ..Dulboot!

And he's... friendly?

He's awful!

And he works for the most horridible witch around...

..Badjelly!

Right. So, beasts, goblins, giants, witches...

Talking mountains.

Why are we listing perfectly normal things?

Where do we find this witch? Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry - that is far too risky.

Best thing I can do is pack you something to eat and send you home.

Oh, it's OK.

We'll head out in the morning,

and you can get your house back to normal.

Come on, Tim. You really need to get some rest.

I'm just worried.

What if something bad happened to Lucy?

Remember when Fluffybum went missing

and it turned out Dad had accidentally posted her

to Grandma's house instead of the teapot cover we made her?

HE LAUGHS Yeah.

That cat sleeps through anything.

We got her back. And we'll get Lucy back, I promise.

THUNDEROUS ROAR

Hey, shall I go check if Binklebonk - such a weird name -

has some hot cocoa to help you sleep?

Yes, please.

It's OK, Sausie. I'll stay up while you sleep.

I'm not losing you as well.

BADJELLY: Stinkypoo, stinkypoo!

Knickers, knickers, knickers! Still no luck, eh?

All I want is to turn this stupid cow

into some stupid kids

so I can eat some stupid boy-girl soup

and restore my powers!

And all I'm doing is changing its stupid hat!

Well, I could do with a new hat. You know, if there's...

I'm just saying, if you've got some going... Shut up!

CRACKLING

Oh! I've accidentally made another one!

Ooh, is it one of the cute brick ones?

Oh, I like them. Yes!

Please can we keep it? Sure.

Ooh! Win for Dulboot. Get in!

Oh! I used to be so good at evil spells.

I need those children, Dulboot.

I need them boiling in a pot.

I need their screams to fill the air as my powers restore!

Oh, and I need some bread.

Soup's nothing without a little bread on the side.

CACKLES

A little bread!

SIGHS HAPPILY

Mmm. Mmm. This toast is so crunchy. What kind is it?

Tree bark.

Huh?! I'll just stick with this hot cocoa.

Sure, you can call it what you like,

but it's tree-bark tea.

Right. Well, I've packed you both some food for the road.

It's time to get you two back home.

Actually, we're not going back home. You're not?

No, siree. We're going to sort out your Bellowing Beast problem.

You can't let fear keep you up at night.

Oh. You saw.

You were kind enough to give us shelter.

Fixing your problem is the least we can do.

Then... Oh... Then I'm coming with you!

Mainly because you've eaten all my jam

and I need to pick up some more.

And also because of the whole fear thing.

Great!

We're gonna need something to protect ourselves with.

What's with the mushrooms?

Well, I'm not having you two poking an eye out.

Not on my watch.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but... let's go find a beast. Huh!

Oh. One moment.

You've got to stay here, OK? SILLY SAUSAGE WHINES

Be brave. You're the grasshopper of the house now.

Oh, and don't touch my drums. SILLY SAUSAGE WHINES

All right. Let's shrink this baby back down.

Tree, tree, one, two, three! Reverse.

Yeah, the opposite spell's not as catchy, but, erm... works well.

And this is why I always wear my boots.

This part of the forest has been affected more than most.

What do you mean?

This is all Badjelly's doing.

It's rained in the Backwoods for years.

LOW GROWLING It's a dreary place.

But it is great for black-market jam.

Password?

Uppercase B, small A, small L...

No, just... just say the word. Oh, right. Balsamic.

HE SIGHS HEAVILY What are you after?

I'd really like some plum, feijoa,

or anything with a touch of elderberry.

Ooh. Stay right there. MUTTERS: OK, OK.

Elderberry and apple, with just a squeeze of feijoa.

Oh, yes. That will do nicely.

And there we are - that's 100% pure solid... coin. Ah.

Ah. Very nice.

Right. We'd better move fast,

before he realises that coin is actually just pure silver.

THEY GIGGLE Quickly, now. Quickly!

HE GRUNTS

DISTANT SQUAWKING

Muffin? And the muffin is made from...?

Oh, this'll actually interest you. This is tree...

Tree bark? No, no, it's tree bark.

Oh, you guessed correctly. Yeah. I think I'm OK for now.

Ooh! I'll have one. I'll eat anything if I'm hungry.

Mmm.

Mmm! Are you sure we're going the right way?

THUNDEROUS ROAR Oh!

Yeah. Yeah, I think we're pretty close.

Why would Badjelly do this? What's the point?

Because she can, I guess.

She's powerful and evil.

Everyone around here has either lost something...

or someone... because of her.

You've lost someone, haven't you?

Not just someone. Everyone.

Badjelly turned my whole family into acorns.

Gramps used to have glasses,

but, well, I've lost most of their accessories.

I like to keep them close so I don't lose them again.

She's going to hurt Lucy, isn't she?

THUNDEROUS ROAR Ah!

Let's find this beast.

Ooh! Oh! Oh, sorry!

Ugh. I just got a bit of cramp in my thigh.

I must have sat funny for too long. Don't you hate that?

Oh... Onward!

THUNDEROUS ROAR

Uh, I think it's in there.

Or is it?

I mean, now that I think about it, it could be way back that way.

You know, sound does bounce around.

Actually, we could just go back to my place.

I mean, I've got the jam.

And there's plenty of tree bark to go with it.

Notch it up as a win. Ha-ha!

Yeah, there's only one way out of that cave.

I reckon we could set a trap. Yes!

Erm, there - those huge boulders.

If we lure the beast to the mouth of the cave,

we could bring them down and crush it.

Nice. How do we get it to come out?

Well... I'll do it. I'll go in the cave.

No, Rose. I can't let you do that.

Tim should go.

Huh? Come on, stop mucking about.

In you go, Tim.

Oh!

EXHALES SHARPLY Keep it together, Rose.

CREAKING

STRAINS, GRUNTS

The moment Rose runs out, we dislodge the boulders. Got it.

Oh, question - do I still push if Rose is in the beast's mouth?

Don't say that.

Maybe I shouldn't have let her go alone.

Well, it was rather cowardly, yes.

GASPS No!

Hm.

THUNDEROUS ROAR

ROSE SCREAMS

Oh, no, Rose! We have to go save her!

I can't see anything. Rose! Where are you?

If it's too late and you're in the beast's mouth,

just be honest with us!

Give us a muffled scream,

and we'll turn around and head back home!

Oi! No, we won't.

ROARS

Oh!

GRUNTS

BEAST GRUNTS

I hope you're going to pick that up.

WHIMPERS Tim, it's OK. Stop.

What?

Oh! She's fallen in love with the beast.

Er, no, I haven't.

You could've fooled me, with all this mood lighting.

Look at him. He's in pain. He needs help.

BEAST WHIMPERS Hey.

My joints don't quite move like they used to.

JOINTS SQUEAK It's rather painful.

That explains all the terrifying noises everyone's been hearing.

Oh. I didn't realise how much my voice travelled.

Wow. Great acoustics in here.

HIGH-PITCHED: # Ooh! # # Ooh! #

# Ooh! # # Ooh! #

# Whoo-ooh, whoo-ooh! # He's not wrong.

Erm, how long have you been in here?

Two, three... maybe seven years.

Seven years?! Yeah. But it's felt much longer.

So, who made you? Was it one of those cobbler elves?

I don't trust those shoe-loving weirdos.

Uh, it was a while ago now. But she was very witch-like.

Uh, Jan Belly, maybe?

Badjelly? Yeah, that's her! Awful woman.

She created me to terrorise the Backwoods, but I refused,

so instead, she cursed it to rain forever.

Pretty quickly, my joints started to rust and seize,

so I came in here for shelter.

I haven't been able to move much since.

SIGHS

Sounds like I terrorised the Backwoods anyway.

Hmm. There must be some way to help you.

Hmm. I agree.

I sense a bit of problem-solving coming on.

So I'm going to just leave you to it.

I'll go and have a sit-down, have a snack.

RUMBLING, CREAKING

LAUGHS

Do you think if we loosened your bolts, it would help?

Yeah! Maybe.

SHE GRUNTS Have you tried yoga?

Maybe try yoga.

STRAINS, GRUNTS

Hmm. Couldn't hurt.

Dad does it all the time. Sort of.

OK, let's try an upward-facing dog.

Just lift your chin to the ceiling a bit

and push your hips to the ground.

Yeah, just like what Tim's doing.

JOINTS SQUEAK

Oh. What?! He's used butter in his jam recipe?

Ugh! So greasy! I think I got scammed.

Remember when Mum would use grease

to get my head out of whatever it got stuck in?

Every week. Binklebonk, the jam!

Yeah, as I was saying, it's very greasy.

I would be... Oh! Thanks.

Well? How do you feel?

BEAST GRUNTS, CHUCKLES

JOINTS SQUEAK, GRUNTS

EYEBROWS CLICK Oh! Oh!

Ha-ha! I feel great!

ROARS

Look! I'm doing yoga!

Wait. That's yoga? What have I been doing?

Now you can leave! You can be free.

I... I can. I can!

But I wouldn't know where to go.

You should come with us. You should.

We're going to rescue Tim and Rose's cow from Badjelly.

Oh. We are? We are.

And we could really use a strong lion to help.

CHUCKLES It's the least I could do.

Also, what's a cow?

Well, it's kind of like a less scary, less hairy lion...

that doesn't eat people.

GASPS I'm supposed to eat people?!

No! Don't listen to me. Please, please don't listen to him.

I mean, I just invited a lion along. A lion!

Come on. Let's get you out of here.

We actually had a trap set up. It was pretty elaborate.

Ooh. What was it?

Oh, we were going to squash you with a giant boulder.

HUSHED: Guys! Yeah, the boulder was pretty huge.

RUMBLING

Like that one. What?! No! We're trapped!

But we need to get to Lucy!

TIM STRAINS, GRUNTS

Excuse me. Coming through. Coming through.

Allow me to help. STEAM HISSES

RUMBLING

FYI, 19,000 psi.

TIM GASPS Wow!

Now let's get you to your... cow?

And maybe grab some more jam on the way.

I've got another coin to spend.

Let me guess, solid gold?

Shh. He'll never know. GIGGLES

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