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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,440
This programme contains
strong language
2
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,279
Dad!
3
00:00:11,319 --> 00:00:12,919
The bin's full again?
4
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,199
Oh, er, yeah.
5
00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:18,319
No, no,
6
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:20,160
that's going to block the toilet.
7
00:00:20,199 --> 00:00:21,919
Oh, nonsense.
8
00:00:21,959 --> 00:00:23,120
Eh?
9
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,319
I've flushed bigger fish than that
down the lavvy.
10
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,720
Goldfish are tiny.
11
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,239
Oh, no, not a goldfish.
12
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:31,199
Derek had a koi carp once
for about 24 hours.
13
00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,519
We had to cut it into three
to get it around the u-bend,
14
00:00:33,559 --> 00:00:35,319
but Diana flushed away no problem.
15
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,400
Right, OK.
16
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,680
Well, it's bin day,
and this hasn't been taken out,
17
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,000
even though it's one of your jobs.
18
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,239
And that means that the bin men...
19
00:00:42,279 --> 00:00:43,879
Oh, er, bin people.
20
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,760
Aren't going to collect it,
21
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,000
which means I'm going to have to
take it to the tip this afternoon.
22
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,480
Well, just drop it into number 16.
23
00:00:49,519 --> 00:00:50,959
She'll never notice.
24
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,120
Yeah, well, obviously
I'm going to do that,
25
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,639
but can you at least empty it?
26
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:55,959
Soz.
27
00:00:57,959 --> 00:00:59,400
Oh. Oh!
28
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:01,680
Is that the baby kicking?
29
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,680
Are you serious?
30
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,000
Well, I don't know when they get
legs, do I, Gemma, I'm not a doctor.
31
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,400
I don't know these things.
32
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,040
I didn't even know it was bin day.
33
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:11,800
It's on the calendar - look.
34
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:13,120
Oh, yeah.
35
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,559
Oh! Oh!
36
00:01:16,599 --> 00:01:18,279
Sorry, sorry!
37
00:01:22,559 --> 00:01:23,720
GEMMA RETCHES
38
00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,080
Oh!
39
00:01:30,919 --> 00:01:32,239
No.
40
00:01:32,279 --> 00:01:34,760
No, no, no, no, no, no.
41
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,519
You've been here less than a month.
42
00:01:37,559 --> 00:01:39,199
What?
43
00:01:39,239 --> 00:01:41,000
Oh, my God!
44
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,599
It's my coat, isn't it?
45
00:01:42,639 --> 00:01:43,959
Don't worry.
46
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,319
What's this? Your hormones?
No, Dad, it's you!
47
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,879
Why can't you behave like
a fully-grown adult?
48
00:01:48,919 --> 00:01:50,440
Because your mum never taught me.
49
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:53,279
What? How to be a functioning
human being? That wasn't her job.
50
00:01:53,319 --> 00:01:54,480
It was.
51
00:01:54,519 --> 00:01:56,680
Who else is supposed to teach me
what to flush down the lavvy?
52
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,839
Or what to use
to mop up bin juice?
53
00:01:58,879 --> 00:02:00,760
Right, nothing but toilet roll
54
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,120
and literally anything but a coat.
55
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,360
Better?! Oh.
56
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,160
Fine, I'll ask Dad instead.
57
00:02:19,199 --> 00:02:20,800
He's not even visited yet
58
00:02:20,839 --> 00:02:23,839
and you're going to ask Dad
to smuggle a phone into prison
59
00:02:23,879 --> 00:02:25,120
up his arse canal?
60
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,199
Yeah.
61
00:02:26,239 --> 00:02:27,639
And what if he enjoyed it?
62
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,040
Cos you know what men are like.
63
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,319
God's sake.
64
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,360
So how's it going with the...?
65
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,120
Oh, my pregnancy?
66
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,120
Yeah.
There's not much for me to do now.
67
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:37,959
I just need to let the egg
do its thing.
68
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,360
Have you told Mum?
69
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,239
Yeah, yeah, she texted me,
70
00:02:41,279 --> 00:02:42,599
"Good luck, you'll need it."
71
00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:44,760
And a gif of someone
blowing their brains out.
72
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,319
Oh!
73
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,319
Eh, well, I hope
Daddy Bear's loaded.
74
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,760
What are you asking for?
75
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,800
Total buyout or monthly repayments?
76
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,639
Jesus Christ, it's a baby,
not a BMW.
77
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,000
All right.
78
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,680
And I'm not entirely sure
who the father is.
79
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,599
I should be able to work it out
once I have my ultrasound.
80
00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:04,120
You should be able to?
81
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,279
I won't be judged by a woman who
tried to have her fiance murdered.
82
00:03:07,319 --> 00:03:09,160
Tried and failed.
83
00:03:09,199 --> 00:03:11,720
How can it be a crime
if you don't achieve it?
84
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:14,400
That's what my girls say.
85
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:15,639
Your girls?
86
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,000
Finally made it
onto the D-Block girls' squad.
87
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,559
We all look out for each other.
88
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:22,599
You know, if you're having
a bad day, you got menstrual cramps,
89
00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:24,239
or you need an alibi
90
00:03:24,279 --> 00:03:26,080
cos some evil bitch needs a cutting.
91
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,160
How do you do it?
92
00:03:28,199 --> 00:03:31,279
Well, usually someone just smuggles
a blade from the kitchen.
93
00:03:31,319 --> 00:03:32,919
No.
94
00:03:32,959 --> 00:03:34,919
Make friends.
95
00:03:34,959 --> 00:03:36,680
You've always had loads,
96
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,559
even though you're a bit
of a sociopath.
97
00:03:38,599 --> 00:03:40,800
Just a people person, Gemma.
98
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,440
You push women away.
99
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,599
And you push men off fire escapes.
100
00:03:46,599 --> 00:03:47,720
BELL RINGS
101
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,000
Right, that's it.
102
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,319
Quick!
103
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,720
I told you to stop putting
stuff up your arse!
104
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,199
I told him to stop!
105
00:03:55,559 --> 00:03:57,239
I don't even need a new vape pen.
106
00:03:58,919 --> 00:04:00,959
Up his arse.
107
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,519
Yeah.
108
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,279
What is going on?
109
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,480
It's called peacocking.
110
00:04:15,519 --> 00:04:17,599
And it's a fantastic way
to pick up women.
111
00:04:17,639 --> 00:04:20,519
Women with no self-esteem from 2004?
112
00:04:20,559 --> 00:04:22,120
Oh, so boring.
113
00:04:23,599 --> 00:04:25,319
Cheers, king.
114
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,720
Oh.
115
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,680
So, Malcolm, how would you
116
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,160
like to be a hit with the ladies?
117
00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:34,000
Maybe, you know, eventually.
118
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,319
Mm-hm, yeah.
119
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,800
Then I have three words for you.
120
00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:39,720
Close...up...magic.
121
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,879
If you can manipulate a ball
into a cup,
122
00:04:42,919 --> 00:04:45,080
you can manipulate
a woman into bed.
123
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,919
Dad, a word.
124
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,000
You know I tolerate him.
125
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,919
But I think you need new friends.
126
00:04:57,959 --> 00:04:59,400
What's wrong with Derek?
127
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,160
He's dressed like
a pantomime pirate.
128
00:05:01,199 --> 00:05:02,360
BANGING
129
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,440
Oh, fuck, not again!
130
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,720
Well, he's my best mate.
131
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,120
Is he, though?
132
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,879
You're going through a divorce
and I'm pregnant.
133
00:05:12,919 --> 00:05:14,959
No offence, you're driving me nuts.
134
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,120
I think we need a support network
of normal friends.
135
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,879
Derek's going through a divorce
and all, isn't he?
136
00:05:20,919 --> 00:05:22,360
He's not normal.
137
00:05:24,519 --> 00:05:26,800
I got the real mouse
and the fake mouse mixed up.
138
00:05:40,599 --> 00:05:42,360
This is for your UTI.
139
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,800
Thanks.
140
00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:45,720
So, how are you feeling about
everything?
141
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,120
Yeah, OK.
142
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,239
I guess.
143
00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:50,639
How am I supposed to be feeling?
144
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:51,879
Excited?
145
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,160
Happy?
146
00:05:53,199 --> 00:05:55,040
Nervous, scared?
147
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,000
Yeah, all of those.
148
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,839
Except for happy, maybe.
149
00:05:58,879 --> 00:06:00,760
But who's happy, eh?
150
00:06:01,959 --> 00:06:05,120
I saw women on the news
having babies in literal war zones,
151
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,319
so if they're fine, then...
152
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,160
Mm, I don't think they are fine.
153
00:06:09,199 --> 00:06:11,279
I think they're deeply traumatised.
154
00:06:11,319 --> 00:06:13,160
Ah-ha, yeah.
155
00:06:13,199 --> 00:06:17,000
Well, what I'm saying is I'm not
in a war zone, so I should be fine.
156
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,199
According to the news.
157
00:06:20,559 --> 00:06:22,680
We run a coffee morning here
on a Thursday
158
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,879
for mummies-to-be to find friends.
159
00:06:24,919 --> 00:06:27,199
Two mummies got on so well,
they're getting married next year.
160
00:06:27,239 --> 00:06:28,480
I bet the daddies weren't happy.
161
00:06:28,519 --> 00:06:30,800
No, no, they tried to sue us.
162
00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:32,519
But there's a...
163
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,360
..flyer here if you're interested.
164
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,559
Thanks, but I've actually got
loads of female friends.
165
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,959
Oh, really?
166
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,480
Mm-hm. What are their names?
167
00:06:41,519 --> 00:06:42,879
Their names.
168
00:06:42,919 --> 00:06:44,000
Yeah.
169
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,400
Well, you've got Cheryl.
170
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,919
Um, Nadine.
171
00:06:50,239 --> 00:06:51,760
Sarah.
172
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,400
Kimberley and...
173
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,120
What's the other one called?
174
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,400
Nicola?
175
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,199
Nicola, yes!
176
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:00,919
I'm going to take one of these.
177
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,680
Not because I need it.
178
00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:10,400
Malc,
179
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,800
a ropey Korean buffet has wiped out
the entire front office.
180
00:07:13,839 --> 00:07:16,599
Boss needs you to go
customer facing.
181
00:07:16,639 --> 00:07:18,400
Oh, can't...can't Jamie do it
182
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,559
because he likes
talking to outsiders, doesn't he?
183
00:07:20,599 --> 00:07:22,440
He likes showing them
his extra nipple too.
184
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:23,800
He's got a thripple?
185
00:07:23,839 --> 00:07:25,559
Which is why Jamie no longer
works here.
186
00:07:25,599 --> 00:07:27,839
So get to it, yeah?
187
00:07:27,879 --> 00:07:30,480
Unless you want some shifts cutting
next rota.
188
00:07:30,519 --> 00:07:32,040
There's a good lad.
189
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,120
Cherry, hey!
190
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,160
Great to see you,
how have you been?
191
00:07:52,199 --> 00:07:54,879
What a fucking awful thing
to say to me, Gemma.
192
00:07:54,919 --> 00:07:56,279
What? Why?
193
00:07:56,319 --> 00:07:58,000
Don't pretend you don't know.
194
00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,400
Everybody knows.
195
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,040
I honestly don't.
196
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,440
Lance left me and the kids.
197
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,120
He left me for a much younger woman.
198
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,959
How much younger?
199
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,319
She's 16.
200
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,720
Oh, God.
201
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,239
You know what
those rugby guys are like.
202
00:08:12,279 --> 00:08:14,680
Oh, he was doing a special visit
to a children's home,
203
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,639
and she just hooked her claws in.
204
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:17,959
Bitch.
205
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,559
Right.
206
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,839
Well, I'm really sorry
that happened to you, Cherry.
207
00:08:21,879 --> 00:08:23,839
Hey, maybe we should have
a mad night out,
208
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,040
you know, like the old days.
209
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,519
We've never been out together
before.
210
00:08:26,559 --> 00:08:29,199
We've been in the same place
at the same time.
211
00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:30,559
Might cheer you up.
212
00:08:30,599 --> 00:08:31,919
I thought you were only
hanging around
213
00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:33,319
with people you were shagging.
214
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,120
Nope, that's the old me.
215
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:38,080
OK, I've been listening to
a lot of feminist podcasts.
216
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,400
Friendzies before menzies.
217
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:42,800
All right.
218
00:08:42,839 --> 00:08:46,080
Look, Tamika Chase is having a party
on Saturday at Alfredo's,
219
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,919
and, um, I need a wing woman
to help me get laid.
220
00:08:48,959 --> 00:08:51,040
Wasn't Tamika Chase a real bitch
at school?
221
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,080
Didn't she superglue you
to a tin of peaches?
222
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,720
A catering-sized tin of peaches.
223
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,680
That's why I don't want to go
on my own.
224
00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,080
Well, I can't wait.
225
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,199
All right, great,
I'll get some coke in.
226
00:09:02,599 --> 00:09:04,160
Help take the edge off the bullying.
227
00:09:04,199 --> 00:09:06,160
See you there. See you there.
228
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,760
Oh!
229
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,959
My coffee hero.
230
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,639
Thanks again for that.
231
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,319
You're a real life-saver.
232
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:20,680
Xander.
233
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,720
Don't mention it. You know,
buying coffee, using a defib.
234
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,160
It's all part of the training.
235
00:09:25,199 --> 00:09:28,319
That's £9.65.
236
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,120
Unless you're exempt.
237
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,639
No, no.
238
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:33,760
Fully employed and fit.
239
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,559
Apart from...
240
00:09:35,599 --> 00:09:37,599
Well, make sure you take
the whole course,
241
00:09:37,639 --> 00:09:40,160
even if it does clear up sooner...
242
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,800
..Gemma.
243
00:09:42,839 --> 00:09:44,639
Oh, it definitely will.
244
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,680
There's barely an infection
in my urinary tract at all...
245
00:09:49,519 --> 00:09:51,040
..Xander.
246
00:10:01,199 --> 00:10:02,720
Sorry.
247
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,000
Er, hello.
248
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,559
Hello.
249
00:10:10,599 --> 00:10:12,400
Hello, how can I help you?
250
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,559
Hi!
251
00:10:14,959 --> 00:10:16,360
Who's actually in charge here?
252
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,599
Cos I've got three jobs
I'm managing,
253
00:10:18,639 --> 00:10:20,599
all still waiting on those
bloody tiles...
254
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,639
..I ordered weeks ago.
255
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,279
Are you looking for someone
to shout at?
256
00:10:25,319 --> 00:10:26,839
Well, I was.
257
00:10:26,879 --> 00:10:29,959
Less so now it's just you here,
hiding behind a counter.
258
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,839
No, I'm not hiding.
I just dropped something.
259
00:10:31,879 --> 00:10:33,239
It was, um...
260
00:10:33,279 --> 00:10:34,480
..a good coin.
261
00:10:34,519 --> 00:10:36,000
Yeah, oh, there it is.
262
00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:39,879
Malcolm Musgrave.
263
00:10:39,919 --> 00:10:41,239
Stuart!
264
00:10:41,279 --> 00:10:43,480
Your Gemma went to school
with my girl?
265
00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:45,080
Stuart.
266
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,879
Cor, you look different.
267
00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:48,599
Lost 8st.
268
00:10:48,639 --> 00:10:51,000
Yeah, and had me jaw
completely rebuilt.
269
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,360
Contact lenses.
270
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,559
Oh, yeah.
271
00:10:53,599 --> 00:10:54,800
How are you?
272
00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:56,279
Still playing five-a-side?
273
00:10:56,319 --> 00:10:57,480
Oh, no.
274
00:10:57,519 --> 00:10:58,879
No, my knees.
275
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,680
How about that pub band?
276
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,559
I had to sell the drum kit,
you know,
277
00:11:02,599 --> 00:11:04,879
because Davina wanted a pagoda,
so...
278
00:11:04,919 --> 00:11:06,800
Oh, pagodas are nice.
279
00:11:06,839 --> 00:11:08,720
Yeah, she didn't get one in the end.
280
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,879
Look, I should come clean with you,
Stuart, that, um...
281
00:11:11,919 --> 00:11:13,319
..my wife left me.
282
00:11:14,959 --> 00:11:16,319
Mine, too.
283
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,760
Sucks, doesn't it?
284
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,319
Yeah.
285
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,279
Did yours become a lesbian?
286
00:11:22,519 --> 00:11:24,199
No, I don't think so.
287
00:11:24,239 --> 00:11:25,720
Loads of them have, Malcolm.
288
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,400
Hundreds of them.
289
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,760
I blame the contraceptive pill
myself.
290
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,199
You know they never really
tested it properly?
291
00:11:32,239 --> 00:11:34,360
I'm pretty sure that's why
loads of middle-aged women
292
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,239
have become lesbians.
293
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,760
Yeah, definitely.
294
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,680
I'm joking.
295
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,120
That would be an insane thing
to think.
296
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,599
Yeah, don't think that.
297
00:11:44,639 --> 00:11:45,760
No.
298
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,080
I started this little group for men
who were having a tough time.
299
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,599
We do boxing.
300
00:11:51,959 --> 00:11:53,519
Does wonders for the old black dog.
301
00:11:54,879 --> 00:11:56,599
Fancy coming along Saturday morning?
302
00:11:56,639 --> 00:11:57,959
Oh, that sounds great.
303
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,480
And I like dogs.
304
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,800
They tried to give me the keys
at work today.
305
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:09,600
Oh, no, you hate that.
306
00:12:09,639 --> 00:12:11,880
Yeah, I'm not a key person, Gemma.
307
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,280
First they give you the keys,
and then you're on a list
308
00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:15,600
in case there's a break-in.
309
00:12:15,639 --> 00:12:18,280
And before you know it, you're on
the hook for corporate manslaughter.
310
00:12:18,319 --> 00:12:20,039
Yeah, that's the usual order
of events.
311
00:12:20,079 --> 00:12:21,520
Well, I made a friend, though.
312
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:22,920
Someone brought their dog in?
313
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,079
No, it was a man and a nice man.
314
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,719
Yeah, we've got loads in common.
315
00:12:26,759 --> 00:12:28,679
Like, his wife has left him and all.
316
00:12:28,719 --> 00:12:30,960
And we both miss going to the Wimpy.
317
00:12:30,999 --> 00:12:33,319
And neither of us likes
stinging nettles,
318
00:12:33,359 --> 00:12:34,759
so we've got loads in common.
319
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,079
Great!
320
00:12:36,119 --> 00:12:37,560
I made a friend too, actually.
321
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,240
Remember Cherry from school?
Mm-hm.
322
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,039
Didn't get on back then,
but she has kids now
323
00:12:41,079 --> 00:12:42,439
so it could be useful. Right.
324
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:43,719
Um...
325
00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:45,679
..do you want some ketchup
with that?
326
00:12:45,719 --> 00:12:47,639
With my curry?
327
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,240
Right, yeah, that's fine.
328
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,240
Fine, yeah.
329
00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:53,880
Jesus!
330
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,560
Dad...
331
00:12:57,119 --> 00:12:58,880
Did you buy this from Derek? Yeah.
332
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,240
It's good, innit?
333
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,719
He said it's a wow with the ladies.
334
00:13:01,759 --> 00:13:03,520
I'm telling you now, it's not.
335
00:13:13,719 --> 00:13:14,960
Come on, Malcolm.
336
00:13:14,999 --> 00:13:16,679
Show me that rage.
337
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,800
Yeah, get in contact with how
Davina made you feel.
338
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,759
She made me feel
really horrible, Stuart.
339
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,880
That's why I try not to think
of her at all.
340
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,119
Come on, Mal, last big push.
341
00:13:28,359 --> 00:13:30,800
U-u-urgh!
342
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,240
A-a-a-argh!
343
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:33,679
BELL RINGS
344
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:40,600
Derek... Derek says the best way
to get over someone
345
00:13:40,639 --> 00:13:41,999
is to make someone else cry.
346
00:13:42,039 --> 00:13:44,600
You know, you, you shift the pain
onto them.
347
00:13:44,639 --> 00:13:46,840
Well, that sounds seriously toxic.
348
00:13:48,999 --> 00:13:50,960
Who's Derek? He's my friend.
349
00:13:50,999 --> 00:13:52,119
Hey.
350
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,639
I'm throwing Tam a big 25th tonight.
351
00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:56,399
She's had a tough year
352
00:13:56,439 --> 00:13:58,039
with her mum leaving,
353
00:13:58,079 --> 00:13:59,880
and boyfriend suddenly passed away.
354
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,960
Oh! You'll come?
355
00:14:01,999 --> 00:14:04,280
Bring Derek if you want.
356
00:14:04,319 --> 00:14:06,439
Sounds like he could do with
some male support too.
357
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:07,639
Oh, thank you.
358
00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:08,960
Thanks a lot.
359
00:14:08,999 --> 00:14:10,480
Keep the gloves.
360
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,039
They're a good fit.
361
00:14:12,079 --> 00:14:13,399
Oh!
362
00:14:13,439 --> 00:14:14,999
Thanks.
363
00:14:15,039 --> 00:14:17,160
HE BREATHES DEEPLY
364
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:21,960
Hiya.
365
00:14:21,999 --> 00:14:23,999
Great dress!
366
00:14:24,039 --> 00:14:25,800
Cost 400 quid. What?
367
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,240
I need 400 quid's worth
of dick tonight, babe.
368
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,160
Oof, that's a lot of dick.
I can't promise anything.
369
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,240
I better warn you, Tamika Chase
still hasn't forgiven you
370
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,840
for the Ross Beakfield stuff.
371
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,880
What Ross Beakfield stuff?
372
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,920
CAR HORN TOOTS
She's here.
373
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,160
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS
374
00:14:47,999 --> 00:14:51,800
Tamika Chase is in da house!
375
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,600
HORN BLARES
376
00:14:53,639 --> 00:14:56,119
Let's get this fucking party
started!
377
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,840
Oh, Cherry.
378
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,880
Do you want to park the
bitch machine for me?
379
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:01,960
Any scratches and I will
rip your hair out. Thank you.
380
00:15:01,999 --> 00:15:03,600
See you in a bit. Thank you.
381
00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:06,560
We're going to have
a brilliant night.
382
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,439
As long as she doesn't glue us
to tinned goods.
383
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,480
She might do that.
384
00:15:17,719 --> 00:15:19,160
Right.
385
00:15:20,359 --> 00:15:21,719
Shall I park the car?
386
00:15:23,079 --> 00:15:24,759
Yeah? You park the car.
387
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:25,840
I think so.
388
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,240
Never have children, Gemma.
389
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,319
Do you know, since having the kids,
my life has become so boring
390
00:15:34,359 --> 00:15:37,280
and tiring and boring.
391
00:15:37,319 --> 00:15:38,999
Is it really that bad? Mm.
392
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,280
Mm.
393
00:15:40,319 --> 00:15:44,119
I'm just so sick of mummy friends
and talking about Lego and nits.
394
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,039
Wait, what the hell is my dad
doing here?
395
00:15:48,079 --> 00:15:49,880
That's your dad with Tam's dad?
396
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,480
That's Tamika's dad?
397
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,759
Oh, God.
398
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,079
That's a DILF.
399
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,880
Hey.
For fuck's sake. Derek.
400
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,960
My friends call me the big D.
I bet they do.
401
00:16:02,079 --> 00:16:03,840
Hey, are you my appendix?
402
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,319
Because I have no idea what you do,
403
00:16:05,359 --> 00:16:07,319
but I feel like
I should take you out.
404
00:16:08,439 --> 00:16:09,999
Absolutely not, no.
405
00:16:10,999 --> 00:16:12,639
Ugh, eurgh.
406
00:16:14,759 --> 00:16:17,800
I'm going to pretend that never
happened. OK, thanks.
407
00:16:21,039 --> 00:16:23,719
I just don't think there's enough
support for anyone in crisis,
408
00:16:23,759 --> 00:16:25,039
us fellows included.
409
00:16:25,079 --> 00:16:27,880
Yeah, when Davina left,
I was in a really terrible place.
410
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,200
Mentally?
411
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,600
No, it was a bedsit.
412
00:16:30,639 --> 00:16:33,319
Let's just say, you know,
there was lots of, like,
413
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,319
sticky stains and stuff everywhere.
414
00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:37,079
You ain't slagging off my gaff
again, Malcolm?
415
00:16:37,119 --> 00:16:40,119
Derek!
No, no, it was a palace, wasn't it?
416
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,719
I miss it, I really miss it.
417
00:16:41,759 --> 00:16:43,359
Derek, Stuart, Stuart, Derek.
418
00:16:43,399 --> 00:16:46,759
Malcolm was telling me about
your bedsit for divorced men.
419
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,520
Yeah, I expect you'll turn up one
day with a suitcase full of chinos.
420
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:51,920
Unlikely.
421
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,359
My company pulled in
half a million last quarter.
422
00:16:54,399 --> 00:16:55,679
Oh, well done, Stuart.
423
00:16:57,119 --> 00:17:00,719
Mate, there are bags of women
in here tonight.
424
00:17:00,759 --> 00:17:04,439
Hey, I was talking to Stuart,
he's a really nice guy.
425
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:05,719
Who likes nice men?
426
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:08,960
No, mate, these hoes are primed
for you to make a move.
427
00:17:08,999 --> 00:17:11,439
Come on. You know what to do.
428
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:12,840
Get the eggs out?
429
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:14,200
Get the fucking eggs out.
430
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,399
Are you going to get the eggs out?
431
00:17:15,439 --> 00:17:16,800
We can't both get the eggs out,
Malcolm.
432
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,520
We'd look really weird, wouldn't we?
433
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,319
No, no, I'm trying my hand
at ghosting this evening.
434
00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:24,520
Apparently chicks go mental
for ghosting.
435
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:25,999
What's ghosting?
436
00:17:26,039 --> 00:17:28,600
I'm ignoring
every single woman in here.
437
00:17:28,639 --> 00:17:30,240
Ghosting them all.
438
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:31,999
And they love it.
439
00:17:32,039 --> 00:17:33,399
Watch this. Watch this.
440
00:17:33,439 --> 00:17:34,520
Hey...
441
00:17:39,079 --> 00:17:40,920
See that, Malc?
442
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,600
Master.
443
00:17:42,639 --> 00:17:44,560
Yeah.
444
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:45,880
Yeah, that was great.
445
00:17:47,679 --> 00:17:48,960
SQUEAL OF DELIGHT
446
00:17:48,999 --> 00:17:51,200
Tamika! Hey...
447
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,240
Gemma Moscrip. Hiya.
448
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,960
Can I get you a drink?
Happy birthday.
449
00:17:55,999 --> 00:17:58,240
Our dads are really
getting along. Yeah.
450
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,600
Loads of fucking loser dickheads
love Stuart.
451
00:18:00,639 --> 00:18:02,280
He's a beacon for the pathetic.
452
00:18:02,319 --> 00:18:03,999
OK.
453
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,079
You haven't changed much
since school, then.
454
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:07,160
We haven't.
455
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,119
My boyfriend says
I still look 15. Ooft.
456
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,960
Is your boyfriend on
the sex offenders register?
457
00:18:13,999 --> 00:18:15,920
Hope you got Tam something amazing.
458
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,039
You owe her, after all.
459
00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:19,439
Oh, no, babe, babe, babe,
don't worry about it.
460
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,280
When your daddy gets you a Jag
for your birthday,
461
00:18:21,319 --> 00:18:23,800
it really doesn't matter
what the chaff bring in.
462
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:24,999
Come on.
463
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,240
TAMIKA SIGHS
464
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,679
Oh, my God.
465
00:18:28,719 --> 00:18:30,960
Stop trying to touch stuff,
all right?
466
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,759
Hiya, Dad.
467
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,280
Silly question, why are you making
hard boiled eggs
468
00:18:45,319 --> 00:18:46,439
come out of your mouth?
469
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,679
Well, Derek says everybody
loves eggs, that's all.
470
00:18:48,719 --> 00:18:50,520
No, they don't. Vegans don't.
471
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,319
Oh, well, I'd argue they love eggs
more than ordinary people.
472
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,119
Yeah, I'd be over the moon if
someone handed me a free egg, Gemma.
473
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,399
That's come out of their mouth?
474
00:18:57,439 --> 00:18:59,119
Well, you can rinse it, can't you?
475
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,160
If I buy you a drink,
476
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,840
will you promise to stop making eggs
come out of your mouth?
477
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,160
Yeah, all right.
I'll have a ginger beer. OK.
478
00:19:05,719 --> 00:19:07,039
Stuart. Dad.
479
00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:09,679
Do you want this ginger beer or not?
480
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,280
All right, Malcolm? Yeah. You?
481
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,480
Oh, fucking hell.
482
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,999
Right, tell me
what all this is about, then.
483
00:19:19,039 --> 00:19:20,399
Ross.
484
00:19:20,439 --> 00:19:22,119
Beakfield.
485
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,319
What about Ross Beakfield?
486
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:27,520
You dated him. For like a week,
ten years ago.
487
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,119
And you slept with him.
488
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,160
Oh, my God. I barely kissed him.
489
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,039
Well, I was in love with him
and you stole him from me.
490
00:19:34,079 --> 00:19:36,880
And I can never tell him,
because he's dead.
491
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,480
Yeah.
492
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:41,880
No, I don't think he is.
493
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,119
Well, I think he is.
494
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,399
Because his mum texted me about
four months ago saying his number
495
00:19:47,439 --> 00:19:50,880
was no longer in use, because
he had died very, very suddenly.
496
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,520
Mm-hm. It's really funny, that,
because I heard that
497
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:57,800
he moved to Basingstoke four months
ago because you were stalking him.
498
00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,319
He wasn't your boyfriend?
499
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,560
No, he was. Yeah, he was.
500
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,800
Cos that's the truth
I was choosing to live by, Stuart.
501
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,960
Did you know?
Why didn't you tell me?
502
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,439
He's not dead? No.
503
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:10,719
But we held that mini wake.
504
00:20:10,759 --> 00:20:12,280
No, he is dead.
505
00:20:12,319 --> 00:20:17,039
Because I had RIP Ross Beakfield
tattooed on my...
506
00:20:17,079 --> 00:20:18,439
..kitten.
507
00:20:22,399 --> 00:20:26,920
Gun. Glue gun! I will glue you,
Gemma Moscrip.
508
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,319
One day, when you least expect it,
I'm going to fucking glue you.
509
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,840
To what?
510
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,600
SCATTERED LAUGHTER
511
00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:43,280
No! No!
512
00:20:43,319 --> 00:20:45,399
Tamika?! Tamika?
513
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:50,399
What the actual fuck?
£400 dress.
514
00:20:50,439 --> 00:20:51,600
Four hundred quid, mate.
515
00:20:51,639 --> 00:20:53,520
Never going to have any dick...
516
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,359
You were so cool, even though
she threatened to glue you!
517
00:20:58,399 --> 00:21:01,160
That isn't a thing.
Is that going to come out?
518
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,119
Do you want some?
SHE BURPS
519
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:06,480
I can't.
520
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:09,520
I'm pregnant.
521
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,079
SHE LAUGHS
522
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,200
Wait, what? I am.
523
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,240
I don't know how many weeks.
524
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,960
My first scan's on Monday.
525
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,399
Babe, that is so amazing.
526
00:21:19,439 --> 00:21:22,719
Why didn't you say anything earlier?
Oh, my God, you're pregnant.
527
00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:24,679
Cos I thought
you wouldn't want to hang out.
528
00:21:24,719 --> 00:21:26,960
I didn't, but I do now! Oh, my God.
529
00:21:28,039 --> 00:21:29,480
Oh, you are so lucky.
530
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,079
Having a baby is like being
love-bombed by your own DNA.
531
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:35,840
God, I'm still
getting my head round it.
532
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,679
I don't know who I should tell...
What you can and can't do. Yeah.
533
00:21:38,719 --> 00:21:41,560
Well, any advice, I am here for you.
534
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,079
Thanks.
535
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:45,119
Wow.
536
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,160
Mm!
537
00:21:49,679 --> 00:21:51,399
There's one thing
I can still do.
538
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,200
CHERRY GASPS
539
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,399
Peow!
540
00:21:57,439 --> 00:22:00,600
Did you steal that from her? Nice.
541
00:22:00,639 --> 00:22:02,920
I got glue...
542
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,359
Right.
I'm sorry about that, Stuart.
543
00:22:05,399 --> 00:22:07,240
Don't worry about it, Malcolm.
544
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,399
Hey, do you think Tamika's
a bit spoilt?
545
00:22:10,439 --> 00:22:12,920
Well, maybe, you know.
Just a little bit, like.
546
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:16,759
Yeah.
547
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,280
Anyway...
548
00:22:19,639 --> 00:22:22,639
Now you've got my number,
give us a call any time, especially
549
00:22:22,679 --> 00:22:23,920
if you want to rant about the ex.
550
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,639
Yeah, or if I find a stubborn
patch of nettles.
551
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:27,679
THEY LAUGH
552
00:22:31,039 --> 00:22:32,679
My car!
553
00:22:32,719 --> 00:22:33,719
YOUR car?
554
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,840
Malcolm!
555
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,319
What has your daughter
done to my car?
556
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,119
Tamika said it was her
birthday present.
557
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,560
I let her drive it as a present. Oh!
558
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,759
Jesus Christ!
559
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,200
My car.
560
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,920
Where's the nearest Jet Wash?
I can't let it dry like this.
561
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,480
Are you, er, are you going to want
those boxing gloves back, Stuart?
562
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:03,880
Yes, Malcolm!
563
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:15,960
Sorry, Dad.
564
00:23:17,999 --> 00:23:19,160
I loved those gloves.
565
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,600
Yeah.
566
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,520
I got you a hot chocolate.
567
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:39,600
Dad!
568
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:46,079
Well, er, your scan was
on the calendar, wasn't it? So...
569
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:49,200
Gemma.
The sonographer'll see you now.
570
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,480
Is it all right if my dad comes in?
Yeah. Of course.
571
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,200
Come on.
572
00:23:59,679 --> 00:24:00,759
Thanks for coming.
573
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,520
Oh, it's all right.
574
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,160
Hey, do you want to
go for lunch after?
575
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,800
Oh, hey, I brought my own.
576
00:24:07,399 --> 00:24:09,240
How long has that been
in your pocket?
577
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,119
Ha-ha-ha! A while.
39382
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