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1
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:04,020
Hi, I'd like
To make a reservation
2
00:00:04,020 --> 00:00:05,520
On your next flight
To provincetown.
3
00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:08,530
Uh, I'm sorry,
Our computer's
Tied up right now.
4
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:11,030
[music playing]
5
00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:15,530
85,000 points and 3 swords
In the dragon's eye.
6
00:00:15,530 --> 00:00:16,530
Beat that, you weenie.
7
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,200
Step aside, yoda.
You're in the wizard's glow.
8
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,210
No. No, no.
I--I need this computer
For business.
9
00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:26,210
Ok, ok. Kenny, we got
An important job to do.
10
00:00:26,210 --> 00:00:27,710
What's that?
11
00:00:27,710 --> 00:00:30,710
We've got to sneak into
Roy's plane and cut holes
In his airsick bags.
12
00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:33,220
Cool.
13
00:00:35,220 --> 00:00:37,020
Who are those bozos?
14
00:00:37,020 --> 00:00:38,520
Our pilots.
15
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:41,520
Name?
16
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:45,630
[seagulls cawing]
17
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:49,330
Joe?
18
00:01:49,330 --> 00:01:50,830
(joe)
I'm out in the hangar,
Helen.
19
00:01:50,830 --> 00:01:52,830
Joe, I need to send
Some flowers.
20
00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:54,660
Where did you get
Those roses you sent me?
21
00:01:54,660 --> 00:01:57,670
Uh, the flower basket
Out on cliff road.
22
00:01:57,670 --> 00:01:59,170
Do you have
That number?
23
00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:01,170
Yeah.
It's in my phone book.
Top right-hand drawer.
24
00:02:04,110 --> 00:02:05,610
Here, let me
Find that for you.
25
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:09,750
That number is 9-5-6--
Excuse me.
26
00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:13,680
Uh, why'd you run in here
And grab that book
Out of my hand?
27
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,990
No reason.
Just a crazy impulse.
28
00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,250
You know
What a madcap I am.
29
00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,660
That's hubcap.
30
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,860
What are you tryin'
To hide from me?
31
00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:25,290
[laughing]
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
32
00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:27,800
Hide something?
33
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,800
Helen, you are being
A little bit paranoid.
34
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,800
You have absolutely
No reason to think
35
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,770
That I'm trying to hide
Something from you.
36
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:36,710
My life is an open book.
37
00:02:36,710 --> 00:02:37,610
[keys clinking]
38
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,940
Now,
What was the question?
39
00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:41,440
[drawer rattling]
Open up this damn drawer.
40
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,950
I wanna know what's in here
And I wanna know right now.
41
00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,450
Hey, hey, helen,
Stop--stop that.
42
00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:47,450
That book is private.
43
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,450
There are 2 kinds of private,
Joe.
44
00:02:49,450 --> 00:02:51,450
There's the kind
Where you have
Nothing to hide,
45
00:02:51,450 --> 00:02:52,960
Nobody cares diddlysquat
About that,
46
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,460
And then,
There's the other kind,
47
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,460
The kind
That's really private,
48
00:02:57,460 --> 00:03:00,430
The kind
That makes your forehead
Break out in a cold sweat.
49
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,430
I have no idea
What you're talking about.
50
00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:05,440
Thanks.
51
00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:08,440
Helen,
How would you like it
52
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:09,440
If I went rifling
Through your purse?
53
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,740
I wouldn't mind at all,
I have nothing to hide.
54
00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:13,480
Especially from someone
I care about.
55
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,380
You trying to tell me
You have absolutely
Nothing in there
56
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:16,880
You wouldn't
Want me to see?
57
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,380
No, joe,
I have nothing in here.
58
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,390
What, I've got,
Look, a brush, mascara...
59
00:03:23,890 --> 00:03:26,020
Whoops! Got to go.
60
00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:28,020
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What's in there?
61
00:03:28,020 --> 00:03:30,730
What? Nothing, joe.
Just, you know,
Usual girl stuff.
62
00:03:30,730 --> 00:03:32,230
Whips and chains and...
63
00:03:34,230 --> 00:03:36,230
A selection
Of sexual devices
From the far east.
64
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,700
You're kidding, right?
65
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:40,700
Yeah.
Yeah.
66
00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:46,310
This is disgraceful.
67
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,810
What's that, roy?
68
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:48,810
It says here,
69
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:52,820
"Miss nantucket pickled
At state beauty pageant."
70
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,320
I mean, here she is,
71
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,320
A representative
Of this lovely island
72
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,820
And she gets drunk
At the pageant.
73
00:03:58,690 --> 00:04:01,490
Well, actually, roy,
It says,
74
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:04,860
"Miss nantucket picked
At state beauty pageant,"
75
00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:05,660
Not pickled.
76
00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:07,160
Give me that.
77
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:10,170
Oh, you're right.
78
00:04:10,670 --> 00:04:13,500
That's good for her.
79
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:16,170
Have you ever considered
That you might need glasses,
Roy?
80
00:04:16,470 --> 00:04:18,980
Glasses? No way.
I don't need glasses.
Uh-uh.
81
00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:22,480
Roy, the loss
Of physical prowess
As we age
82
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,050
Should not be
A source of shame,
83
00:04:25,050 --> 00:04:29,820
Something to be hidden
From the pity of a younger,
More capable world.
84
00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:31,820
As dylan once said,
85
00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:34,760
"Do not go gentle
Into that good night.
86
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,230
"Rage, rage,
87
00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:38,730
For the times
They are a-changin'."
88
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:45,000
I think you're
Mixing up bob dylan
With dylan thomas.
89
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,270
No, that's ridiculous.
90
00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:50,270
Dylan thomas was
The poet laureate of wales.
91
00:04:50,270 --> 00:04:53,280
Bob dylan starred
In gilligan's island.
92
00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:56,780
No, no, no,
That's bob denver.
93
00:04:57,110 --> 00:05:01,120
No, bob denver
Is the one who sings
Rocky mountain high.
94
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,220
Oh, right, right.
95
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:06,760
[phone ringing]
96
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,200
Wow, look what
Just came in
From gate one.
97
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,560
Uh!
98
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,170
I couldn't even imagine
Talking to a woman like that.
99
00:05:19,170 --> 00:05:20,170
Watch this.
100
00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:24,170
Um, excuse me.
101
00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:26,680
Uh, do I know you?
102
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,180
Are you a model?
103
00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:29,680
What's a nice girl like you
Doing in a place like this?
104
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:30,680
What's your sign?
105
00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:32,980
Don't you think you should
Have that mole checked?
106
00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:33,920
What?
107
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,820
Nah,
I was just tryin' to get
All those horrible cliches
108
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,120
Out of the way.
109
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,120
Well, I've never heard
The one about the mole.
110
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,660
Oh, well,
Works like a charm
In eastern europe.
111
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,760
Ah! Brian's incredible,
Isn't he?
112
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:49,100
I--I just hope that someday
I'm as successful with women
As he is.
113
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,400
Oh, well, sure.
Shoot at anything
That moves.
114
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,900
You're bound
To hit something.
115
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,540
Uh-huh. So, uh,
You going out with her?
116
00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:59,540
Tonight, dinner on me,
But not italian.
117
00:05:59,540 --> 00:06:02,510
The meatballs tend
To roll off my chest.
118
00:06:02,510 --> 00:06:04,510
Well, if you're in the mood
For something deep-fried,
119
00:06:04,510 --> 00:06:07,750
I'm working
The drive-through window
At ahab's fast fish.
120
00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:09,250
I didn't know
You had a 2nd job.
121
00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:12,460
Oh, no offense,
But your brother
Doesn't pay very well.
122
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,460
Are they still hiring?
123
00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:23,230
Helen.
Yeah?
124
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,200
I changed my mind.
125
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:26,700
I think,
As long as we're dating,
126
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:29,210
We shouldn't have any secrets,
So, here's my address book.
127
00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:30,670
You go ahead
And look in it.
128
00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:32,680
That's ok, joe. I don't
Need to look in your book.
129
00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:34,680
I want you to.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
130
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,750
No, go ahead.
Ok.
131
00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:38,750
The same page as the florist
You were looking up
132
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,750
Is a name
You might recognize.
133
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:43,520
Nancy ferguson?
134
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,220
[chuckling]
Yeah, that's the one.
135
00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:48,090
What the hell
Is nancy ferguson doing
In your address book?
136
00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:51,530
Well, to be totally honest,
Last spring,
137
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:54,030
Long before
You and I were even
Thinking about dating,
138
00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:55,600
We had an affair.
139
00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:56,900
...Ly innocuous date.
140
00:06:58,130 --> 00:06:59,140
Nancy ferguson?
141
00:06:59,140 --> 00:07:00,640
Come on, helen,
142
00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:02,140
You're the one
That wanted to look
In my address book.
143
00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:03,940
You made this bed,
Now you have to lie in it.
144
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:06,140
I can't.
Nancy ferguson's been there.
145
00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:10,050
And what is this star
By her name?
146
00:07:10,050 --> 00:07:11,550
Uh, I...
147
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,550
I was doodling.
148
00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:16,820
Bet you were.
149
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:18,890
Come on, helen.
150
00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,890
Ok, joe, you're right.
I'm sorry.
151
00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:24,890
It's all in the past.
152
00:07:24,890 --> 00:07:26,400
Guess it could
Have been worse.
153
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,900
It could have been
Sherry scudder.
154
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,400
[chuckles]
Yeah, sure could have been.
155
00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:33,100
[clearing throat]
Helen...
156
00:07:35,170 --> 00:07:36,670
I let you look
In my phone book,
157
00:07:36,670 --> 00:07:39,310
So, uh, now you gotta
Show me what you're hiding
In your purse.
158
00:07:39,310 --> 00:07:40,810
Fat chance.
159
00:07:40,810 --> 00:07:42,350
Hey, look, helen,
That's not fair.
160
00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:45,350
Fair? Welcome to the world
Of romance, toots.
161
00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:48,880
They're a fun couple,
Aren't they?
162
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,890
Well, it's still better
To be in a relationship
163
00:07:51,390 --> 00:07:53,690
Than out there,
Trolling the singles' bars.
164
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:56,960
It's terrifying, horrible.
It's lonely out there.
165
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,660
(lowell)
Uh, I know
What you mean, roy.
166
00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:00,430
Before I met bunny,
167
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:01,930
I can't tell you
How many evenings
I spent
168
00:08:02,430 --> 00:08:04,430
Sitting at
The knight and castle,
169
00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:07,440
Wondering where
All the great women were.
170
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,440
Lowell,
The knight and castle
Is a gay hangout.
171
00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:16,280
It is?
172
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:20,180
Well, that explains
Those phone messages
From steve.
173
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,260
Well, you guys are right.
It's tough out there.
174
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,060
Oh, hackett,
What are you talkin' about?
175
00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:31,360
You don't seem to have
Any trouble finding women.
176
00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,860
Well, women, no,
But the woman.
I mean, it's different.
177
00:08:34,860 --> 00:08:36,870
I mean, I'm a reasonably
Intelligent guy.
178
00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:38,870
I had a scholarship
To princeton,
179
00:08:38,870 --> 00:08:40,370
Spent some time at nasa.
180
00:08:40,870 --> 00:08:43,870
There's even
A small village in belize
Where I'm considered a god.
181
00:08:45,310 --> 00:08:47,440
But I--I just don't know
Where to find
182
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,950
A--a sensitive, attractive,
Intelligent woman, you know?
183
00:08:50,950 --> 00:08:51,950
(melinda)
Here.
184
00:08:51,950 --> 00:08:54,080
[cup clattering]
185
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,090
I--I--I beg your pardon?
186
00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:59,090
Well, I think
I'm a sensitive,
187
00:08:59,090 --> 00:09:01,690
Attractive,
Intelligent woman.
188
00:09:01,690 --> 00:09:04,190
And with quite a high opinion
Of herself, I might add.
189
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,160
I can't believe
We have so much in common.
190
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,670
I'm melinda.
Hi. Brian.
191
00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:10,700
Hi.
Hi.
192
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:11,700
I don't usually
Do this.
193
00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,700
I mean, I'm not
The kind of woman
194
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,200
Who hangs around
At airports.
195
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,210
You mean a traveler?
196
00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:18,740
Hey, hey,
You're laughin' now.
197
00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:20,240
Why don't you have dinner
With me tonight
198
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,010
And you'll be snorting
Expensive wine out your nose.
199
00:09:23,510 --> 00:09:25,510
How could a girl
In her right mind
200
00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:27,020
Turn down an invitation
Like that?
201
00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:29,020
Ooh, I like her.
202
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:33,360
Announcing the arrival
Of sandpiper air flight 8
From hyannis.
203
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,690
That's my flight.
204
00:09:34,690 --> 00:09:36,190
Whoa, w-wait a second.
You're not leaving,
Are you?
205
00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:37,690
Oh, no. No,
I'm meeting somebody.
206
00:09:37,690 --> 00:09:39,200
Oh. Well, after
All we've been through,
207
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,700
I thought I was the man
Of your dreams.
208
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,200
Hi, mom.
Hi, kenny.
209
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,700
Mom, kenny.
Kenny's mom.
210
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,200
[exclaiming]
211
00:09:54,390 --> 00:09:56,390
[stammering]
Well, wow!
I don't believe this.
212
00:09:56,890 --> 00:09:58,760
You? You and my mom
Are goin' out on a date?
213
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,000
Boy, you don't look
Old enough to be
Kenny's mother.
214
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,500
Oh, she is, I swear it.
Thank you, dear.
215
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:06,170
So, uh, you don't have
Any problem with this,
Do you, kenny lad?
216
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,100
Oh, what? Are you kidding?
217
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:08,610
No. No, no.
I think it's great.
218
00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:10,110
Mom, I gotta go
Fill out my flight log.
219
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,080
So I'm gonna meet you
At the car, ok?
Ok.
220
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,380
So, great.
I--I--I'll pick you up
At 8:00, ok?
221
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,550
Great. I'll see you then.
Ok.
222
00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:18,280
I hope you like
Clog dancing.
223
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,080
I hope you're kidding.
224
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:22,690
[phone ringing]
225
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:26,090
[whooping]
Imagine that,
Me datin' your mom.
226
00:10:26,090 --> 00:10:28,360
You stay away
From my mother!
227
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,160
What?
228
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,160
And I--I know
What you're like.
I know how you treat women.
229
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,670
Wait a second.
We-- we're just gonna
Go out and have a nice time.
230
00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:37,170
What could possibly
Be wrong with that?
231
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,670
Well, for one thing,
You already have
A date tonight.
232
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:41,100
I do?
233
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,610
You know, the girl
From the terminal
This morning?
234
00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:44,670
The one you treated
Like a piece of meat?
235
00:10:44,670 --> 00:10:46,180
Could you be
A little more specific?
236
00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:48,650
The blonde.
237
00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:51,350
Oh, her.
238
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,850
A minor glitch.
I'll brush her off
Like crumbs on a place mat.
239
00:10:53,850 --> 00:10:56,020
Oh, brian, that's exactly
What I'm talking about.
240
00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:58,360
Tonight you'll dump her
And tomorrow night,
It'll be my mom.
241
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:00,460
Hey, y-you got me
All wrong, kid.
242
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:01,960
I'm--I'm not
That way at all.
243
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,460
Well, I am.
But I can turn it
On and off.
244
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:07,460
Come on, brian. Look,
Make any excuse you have to,
But get out of it.
245
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,470
Kenny, you know,
I think it's very nice
246
00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:11,340
The way you're lookin' out
For your mom and all
247
00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:13,170
But,
H-how can I put this?
248
00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:14,170
It's none of
Your business.
249
00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:16,170
I'm warnin' you.
If you hurt her,
250
00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:19,880
You will rue the day
That you ever messed with
Kenneth margaret mcelvey.
251
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,380
Margaret?
252
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:23,850
Don't laugh.
253
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,850
I was named after
My great-grandmother.
254
00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:28,150
She was an indian fighter,
So you watch it.
255
00:11:30,150 --> 00:11:31,660
[chuckling]
256
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,660
Not the worst-looking
Margaret I ever met.
257
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:43,100
Uh, fay, could you
Come over here
For a minute?
258
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,100
Oh, sure, roy.
259
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:48,610
I want your opinion
About something.
260
00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:52,110
I just found out
That I'm--I'm gonna
Be needing glasses
261
00:11:52,110 --> 00:11:54,610
And I--I borrowed
A pair of these frames
262
00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:56,110
To see if I liked them.
263
00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:58,620
What do you think?
264
00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:02,490
Hey, roy,
That's a great-looking
Pair of glasses.
265
00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:04,690
[chuckling]
Really? Thanks.
266
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:06,690
Boy, those lenses
Are so clear
267
00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:08,690
You'd swear
They weren't
In there at all.
268
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,200
[screaming]
269
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,000
Oh. Gag glasses.
Oh, you got me, roy.
270
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:19,270
What's new, kid?
271
00:12:19,270 --> 00:12:21,770
Beetle bailey
Just got in trouble
With the sarge.
272
00:12:21,770 --> 00:12:24,270
Gee, how do they
Keep that stuff fresh?
273
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:26,780
Look, brian,
274
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,780
I think I really
Owe you an apology.
275
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,780
I--I had no--no right
To speak to you
The way I did.
276
00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,780
Aw, don't worry
About it.
277
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,280
Your mom's a terrific lady.
278
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,790
You just didn't want
To see her get hurt.
279
00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:36,790
Uh, well,
She sure didn't.
280
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,290
Between you and me,
I think she has
A little crush on you.
281
00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,790
Oh, really?
Yeah.
282
00:12:41,790 --> 00:12:43,790
Uh, you know, I just
Had this funny thought.
What?
283
00:12:43,790 --> 00:12:46,800
What if, uh, you
And my mom keep on havin'
Such a great time together?
284
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,800
Then maybe, uh, someday,
You'd be my dad.
285
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,800
Hey, that'd be
Something, huh?
286
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,300
[both mumbling]
287
00:12:56,170 --> 00:12:57,710
[exclaiming]
288
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,510
Kill me, joe.
289
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,280
I'm kind of busy, brian.
Maybe later.
290
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,250
I went out on a date
With kenny's mom
291
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,250
And I--I promised kenny
I wouldn't hurt her,
You know.
292
00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:07,880
And now, the woman has
A massive crush on me.
293
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,290
What's the problem?
294
00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:10,720
She's a lox, joe.
295
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,090
Whoa, wait a minute.
W-what went wrong?
296
00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:14,590
Earlier today,
You said, you thought
You had a winner.
297
00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:16,590
Look, I'll tell you
What went wrong.
She changed on me.
298
00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:18,600
It was like lon chaney
During a full moon.
299
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,100
I mean, the woman
300
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,530
Is unable to shut up.
301
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:25,400
She cannot stop talking.
302
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,370
She's a human tape loop.
If she's not talking
About herself,
303
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:30,370
She's talking about her cat
Or her gardener,
304
00:13:30,370 --> 00:13:31,840
Or how wonderful
Her ex-husband dennis is
305
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,180
And she can't understand
Why dennis ran out on her.
306
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,010
I'll--I'll tell you
Why he ran out on her, joe.
307
00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:38,010
Dennis has 2 good ears.
308
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,020
[groaning]
309
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:44,590
Well, kenny warned me
To stay away from her.
310
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:47,090
If only I had heeded
The wisdom of that child.
311
00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:50,760
If only I hadn't
Gone out with her.
But, no.
312
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,260
Well, if ifs and buts
Were candy and nuts,
313
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:55,260
We'd all have
A wonderful christmas.
314
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,180
You're enjoying yourself,
Aren't you?
315
00:14:05,170 --> 00:14:08,280
I have so few pleasures
In life, allow me this.
316
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,780
What am I gonna do?
I don't wanna hurt the kid,
317
00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:14,220
But I've got to
Dump his mother like
A load of bad asphalt.
318
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,020
Break it off,
Don't let it
Go any further.
319
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:19,160
Call his mother right now
And then explain it to kenny.
He'll understand.
320
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,160
[stammering]
Yeah, yeah, right.
321
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:24,660
Honesty is the way to go.
All right?
322
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:28,230
Yeah.
323
00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:30,730
Here, uh, tell her
You're from the center for
Disease control in atlanta.
324
00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:33,700
Ask her if she's had
Any contact at all
With a brian hackett.
325
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,100
[phone ringing]
326
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,040
Brian.
Ok, ok, ok.
327
00:14:38,540 --> 00:14:40,540
Hey, melinda.
328
00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:43,050
Hi, it's brian--
It's-- yeah--
It's--
329
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,050
[melinda chattering on phone]
330
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:48,050
Yeah.
331
00:14:52,290 --> 00:14:53,760
[people chattering]
332
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,590
[airplane engine whirring]
333
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,560
Aha!
334
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:02,930
Aha, her diary.
335
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,270
[chuckling]
336
00:15:05,770 --> 00:15:06,770
What?
337
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:08,770
Oh, no.
338
00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:10,710
Oh, my god!
339
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,210
Joe, what are you doin'?
340
00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:13,210
What am I doing?
341
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,710
What are you doing?
Who the hell is bob
342
00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:18,050
And why did your loins
Burn for him last night?
343
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,050
What? Are you nuts?
344
00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:23,350
Excuse me.
I think I left my--
345
00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:24,850
Hey, that's my purse.
346
00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:25,860
[stuttering]
347
00:15:25,860 --> 00:15:27,860
It's not your purse.
It's her purse.
348
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:28,860
It is not.
349
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,360
She's right.
This is mine.
350
00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:34,330
You're reading my diary.
351
00:15:35,330 --> 00:15:36,830
No. I'm not, I swear.
352
00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:38,340
I don't know anything
About your loins.
353
00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:45,210
Joe hackett,
I'm surprised at you.
354
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,740
I-- I'm sorry,
I don't know
What has gotten into me.
355
00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:50,750
I am just obsessed
With whatever it is
You're hiding in there.
356
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,750
Joe, I'm not hiding
Anything in here.
I was just teasing you.
357
00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:56,750
Obviously, you're not
Gonna believe me.
358
00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:59,260
Ok, so let's just
Take a look, shall we?
359
00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:01,760
There, joe.
There it all is.
360
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,260
See, there's all
My deep, dark secrets.
361
00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:05,760
[gasping]
Oh, what's this?
362
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,200
Lipstick.
363
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:11,270
I'm never gonna be able
To look in your face again.
364
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,840
[screaming]
What's this?
365
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,640
Keys.
366
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,410
(helen)
Oh, the shame of it.
367
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:18,740
Are you through?
368
00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:20,140
I don't know, joe.
Have you seen enough?
369
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,980
Uh, ok, you win.
I don't wanna
Do this anymore.
370
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:25,480
I'm embarrassed enough
That it became
So important to me.
371
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:26,680
But now it's over.
372
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,220
Good, joe.
373
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:29,720
Hey, helen,
What's that?
374
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:32,720
Oh, my god. I forgot
That was still in there.
375
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,060
Hey, hey, helen.
What is-- what is that?
Nothing.
376
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:35,990
Helen?
Nothing.
377
00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:37,330
Helen.
378
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,830
They are a fun couple,
Aren't they?
379
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,230
[phone ringing]
380
00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:46,040
Oh, kenny, kenny, kenny.
Just the man I'm looking for.
381
00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:48,040
Uh...
382
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,040
There's no easy way
Of saying this.
383
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,210
So, I guess, I'll just
Come right out and say it.
384
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:54,080
Uh, just got off the phone
With your mom.
385
00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:55,980
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
386
00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,780
And I'm not gonna be
Seeing her anymore.
387
00:16:58,780 --> 00:17:00,320
What?
388
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,220
Yeah, we've decided
That it just wouldn't
Work out.
389
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,090
"We decided?"
390
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:06,760
"We decided?"
391
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,490
No, no, no,
You mean you decided.
I knew you'd do this.
392
00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:09,990
Oh, no, kenny,
You don't understand.
393
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:12,430
No, no, no, I understand.
Well, I understand just fine.
394
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:13,930
You broke my mother's heart,
395
00:17:13,930 --> 00:17:15,430
And I hope you die.
396
00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:23,270
Well, I think
That went pretty well.
397
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,150
Thank you, sir.
398
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:32,650
[bell ringing]
399
00:17:33,650 --> 00:17:35,650
Ahoy, matey,
Welcome to ahab's.
400
00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:38,150
Argh! May I take
Your order, please?
401
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:39,660
(brian)
Hey, kenny.
It's me, brian.
402
00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:43,030
Uh, I just
Came to talk to you
For--for a second.
403
00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:43,830
[crickets chirping]
404
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,760
May I take your order?
405
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,930
Uh, kenny,
I'm really not hungry.
406
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:50,400
I just-- I just
Need to talk to you.
407
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,330
If you're not gonna order,
Just drive on through.
408
00:17:52,340 --> 00:17:53,840
Oh, kenny, come on.
409
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:54,840
I can't hear you.
410
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,340
Speak into the whale's
Blowhole.
411
00:17:57,770 --> 00:17:59,280
I don't want to.
412
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:00,780
I don't know
Where this whale's been.
413
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,150
Yeah. Uh, a-all right,
Yeah, I'll order.
414
00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:09,350
Uh, let me have the,
Uh, "The feeding frenzy."
415
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:11,220
Do you want fries
With that, sir?
416
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,520
A dish called "Feeding frenzy"
Doesn't come with fries?
417
00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:17,630
No. That'll be $4.75.
418
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,130
Drive forward
And pick up your order.
419
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:21,560
[yelling]
One frenzy!
420
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:32,210
[mimicking popeye]
Oh, my gosh.
421
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,780
Kenny.
422
00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:36,910
Kenny, come on.
423
00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:39,420
[stammering]
We gotta talk
About this now.
424
00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:44,120
Ok. Now, look,
425
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,620
When I go out
With a woman,
426
00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:48,620
I always hope
It's gonna work out.
427
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,630
Oh, that is such a lie.
428
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,100
All you care about,
All you want to do
Is take them out,
429
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,100
Have your way with them,
Then dump them.
430
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,530
You don't care
About their feelings.
431
00:18:56,530 --> 00:18:58,430
You know, all you care about
Is yourself
432
00:18:58,430 --> 00:18:59,800
And your base animal needs.
433
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,140
[bell ringing]
434
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,040
Ahoy, matey,
Welcome to ahab's.
435
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,540
Argh!
May I take your order?
436
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:08,040
(man)
3 ahab burgers
And a large moby shake.
437
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:09,550
You disgust me.
438
00:19:09,550 --> 00:19:12,050
Ok, make that 2 burgers
And a medium shake.
439
00:19:14,050 --> 00:19:17,050
You know, if I wasn't
Workin' right now,
440
00:19:17,050 --> 00:19:19,420
I'd take you out back
And beat the snot
Out of you.
441
00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:21,760
Oh, really?
Do you wanna hit me?
442
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:22,760
Will that make you
Feel better?
443
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:24,730
I-if you wanna hit me,
Kid,
444
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,160
Go, take your best shot.
Oh.
445
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,230
Ok, I'll even make it
Easy for you, come on.
446
00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:29,730
[horn honking]
Hey, would you
Hold your horses?
447
00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:31,230
I'm talking here, ok?
448
00:19:31,230 --> 00:19:34,040
Come on, kid, come on,
Come on, hit me. Go ahead.
449
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,370
[grunting]
450
00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:38,370
Sorry to keep you
Waiting, sir.
451
00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:39,880
Your order will be ready
In a minute.
452
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,880
Hey, no problem.
Take your time.
453
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,380
Ow!
454
00:19:47,150 --> 00:19:49,150
You did it.
You actually did it.
455
00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:51,620
Well, you said I could.
456
00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:54,620
Yeah, but w-when people say,
"Go ahead and hit me,"
457
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:57,130
They don't actually expect
The other person to do it.
458
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,630
Oh, man.
459
00:20:00,630 --> 00:20:03,500
You know, for a little guy,
You got a pretty good right,
You know.
460
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:05,500
Well,
461
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,500
I had a roll of quarters
In my hand.
462
00:20:12,940 --> 00:20:16,450
Which reminds me,
You--you still owe me $4.75.
463
00:20:18,110 --> 00:20:20,120
Yep. Yep.
464
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,650
I don't know.
I've done my best.
465
00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:26,660
I don't know what else
I can do.
466
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:33,000
Thank you.
467
00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:38,030
[exhales]
Man.
468
00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:41,040
I just-- I just want her
To find someone and be happy.
469
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,540
Well, that will happen.
470
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:45,040
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
471
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,040
She keeps goin' out
With lots of guys
472
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,050
But none of them
Ever seem to come back.
473
00:20:49,050 --> 00:20:51,920
I mean, what--what is
Wrong with her?
Isn't she any fun?
474
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,950
Well, no, kenny,
It's not that.
475
00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:57,820
Isn't she pretty enough?
Oh, yeah, she's pretty.
476
00:20:57,820 --> 00:21:00,090
I mean, it's not that
Either--
Well, then what is it?
477
00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:02,090
I mean,
Is it-- is it 'cause
She's not smart enough?
478
00:21:02,090 --> 00:21:04,090
I mean,
No--no sense of humor?
479
00:21:04,090 --> 00:21:06,100
Bad clothes,
Bad--bad manners,
Bad posture?
480
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,400
What is it?
It's gotta be something.
481
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,900
No, no, kenny.
It's none of those things.
482
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:11,630
Well, just come on,
Tell me. I can take it.
483
00:21:11,630 --> 00:21:13,570
I mean, just what is it?
Tell me!
All right, just--
484
00:21:13,570 --> 00:21:14,470
Yeah, I'll tell you
What it is.
485
00:21:14,470 --> 00:21:15,670
You wanna know
What it is?
Yes!
486
00:21:15,670 --> 00:21:16,510
It is...
487
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,280
It's me.
488
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,780
It is. It is me.
489
00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:28,780
It's all me. I--I--I can't
Commit to anything.
490
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,290
Whenever I meet
A great woman,
491
00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:35,290
Like your mother,
492
00:21:35,290 --> 00:21:36,730
I just run the other way.
493
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,130
And unfortunately,
When I'm running,
494
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:40,630
I...
495
00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:42,630
I trample
On people's feelings.
496
00:21:46,140 --> 00:21:47,640
I'm sorry.
497
00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:52,980
Let me give you
A little advice, brian.
498
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:55,340
Grow up.
499
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,180
I'm trying.
500
00:21:59,180 --> 00:22:02,690
And who knows?
Maybe someday,
With a little luck,
501
00:22:02,690 --> 00:22:05,020
I'll be as sensible
And mature as you.
502
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,890
Oh, wait a second, brian.
503
00:22:08,890 --> 00:22:11,390
Here's another milk shake.
Oh, no, you don't
Have to do that.
504
00:22:11,390 --> 00:22:12,390
Yes, I do.
Come on.
505
00:22:12,390 --> 00:22:13,760
I spit in the other one.
506
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,600
[sighing]
507
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,100
Appreciate that.
37294
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