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1
00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:03,520
[seagulls cawing]
2
00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:56,440
[tires screeches]
3
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:09,450
Announcing the arrival of
Sandpiper air flight 16
4
00:01:09,450 --> 00:01:10,620
From new bedford,
5
00:01:10,620 --> 00:01:13,620
And welcome to
Our lovely island
Of nantucket.
6
00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:15,130
As you stroll
Through town,
7
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,090
You'll probably notice
My prize-winning rose garden.
8
00:01:18,090 --> 00:01:19,600
Please don't pick
The flowers.
9
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,470
I have a fungo bat,
And I'm not afraid
To use it.
10
00:01:23,270 --> 00:01:24,600
[plane engine roaring]
11
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,100
[whistling]
12
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,110
Helen.
Yeah?
13
00:01:29,110 --> 00:01:31,610
What time should
I pick you up?
Pick me up? For what?
14
00:01:31,610 --> 00:01:34,110
You don't remember?
Ah. Joe, help me out here.
15
00:01:34,110 --> 00:01:36,050
Haven't I been talking
About this date all week?
16
00:01:36,050 --> 00:01:38,510
You talk all the time.
I try not to listen.
17
00:01:38,510 --> 00:01:41,020
Brian, if this is
Another one of your
Attempts at getting me
18
00:01:41,020 --> 00:01:43,020
To go out
On a date with you,
Forget about it.
19
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,520
How many times
Do I have to tell you?
20
00:01:45,020 --> 00:01:46,320
I don't date pilots.
21
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:49,330
Ah, yeah, you've used
That excuse at least
A zillion times.
22
00:01:49,330 --> 00:01:52,430
At long last,
What have you got
Against pilots?
23
00:01:52,430 --> 00:01:55,430
Look, I grew up
In this airport.
I know you guys.
24
00:01:55,430 --> 00:01:58,430
It's like you all
Are members of some
Exclusive little club
25
00:01:58,430 --> 00:02:00,440
That none of
The rest of us can join.
26
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,440
You act so smug.
So superior.
27
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,880
Well, can you fly
A plane?
28
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,880
No, no, really? Oh, oh,
Take a guy like joe.
29
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,380
Rock solid,
Owns his own airline,
30
00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:14,380
A tad boring,
But of good yankee stuff.
What about him?
31
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:17,590
Yeah. What about me?
32
00:02:17,590 --> 00:02:20,090
See, he may seem
A little more grown-up
On the surface,
33
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:21,590
But underneath
That hairless chest
34
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:22,960
Beats the heart
Of a pilot.
35
00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:25,800
I got a little.
36
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,300
You're looking
Too far down, joe.
37
00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:31,530
So, enlighten us.
What's your idea
Of the perfect man?
38
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,500
Oh, I don't know.
39
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,510
Solid, sensitive
And dependable.
40
00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:37,510
But with a sense
Of whimsy.
41
00:02:37,510 --> 00:02:39,510
A love of music and children,
42
00:02:39,510 --> 00:02:42,010
A sense of commitment,
But a respect
For my independence.
43
00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:44,010
Adventurous
Yet a homebody.
44
00:02:44,510 --> 00:02:47,150
But I really hadn't
Thought about it that much.
45
00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:49,650
That sounds great, helen,
But kermit is a frog.
46
00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:56,990
So you're saying that
If mr. Right waltzed in here
And he was a pilot,
47
00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:58,430
You still would not
Go out with him?
48
00:02:58,800 --> 00:02:59,800
Absolutely.
49
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:01,630
Pilots and commitment
Don't mix.
50
00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:03,430
Oh, come on, helen.
51
00:03:03,430 --> 00:03:06,440
What about all those
Pilots in the world
Who are happily married?
52
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,270
I know both of them
And they're cheating
On their wives.
53
00:03:15,650 --> 00:03:17,150
Hey, fay,
54
00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:19,950
You know how I've been
Complainin' I can never
Get a hold of lowell
55
00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:21,620
When I need him?
Uh-huh.
56
00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:26,120
Well, my communication
Problems are over.
Watch this.
57
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,630
Hey, lowell,
I need you
At the counter.
58
00:03:31,930 --> 00:03:33,330
Hey, roy,
How you doing?
59
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,330
Did you see that, fay?
60
00:03:35,330 --> 00:03:38,130
This thing works
Like a charm.
61
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:40,640
Have you seen
That walkie-talkie
You gave me?
62
00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:42,640
There it is.
63
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,270
Now, if you need me,
64
00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:47,210
Call me on this thing
And I'll be here
On the double.
65
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,550
[plane engine droning]
66
00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:56,550
[humming]
67
00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:00,890
Schubert.
The trout quintet.
68
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,190
Fourth movement.
69
00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:03,960
That's my favorite piece
Of chamber music.
70
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:05,330
Mine, too.
71
00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:07,330
I think of all the pieces
Of music about fish,
72
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,130
It's by far
The most beautiful.
73
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,200
[bell ringing]
Hey, joe, joe,
Joe, joe.
74
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,700
Take a look at this.
75
00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:17,210
You, uh, you enjoy theater,
Don't you?
76
00:04:17,710 --> 00:04:19,210
Yeah, why?
77
00:04:19,210 --> 00:04:22,210
The curtain's rising,
It's act one, scene one
Of the new smash hit play,
78
00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:24,710
Helen meets her dream guy
By brian hackett.
79
00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:26,280
What are you
Babbling about?
80
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:29,790
(brian)
I hired that man down there
To be helen's dream guy.
81
00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:31,090
(joe)
What?
82
00:04:31,350 --> 00:04:33,360
He's actually matt sargent,
Distinguished actor,
83
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,190
Noted for many magnificent
Performances such as
84
00:04:36,190 --> 00:04:39,700
Biff in death of a salesman,
Mercutio in romeo and juliet.
85
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:42,800
Currently,
He's the truck driver in
That milk of magnesia ad.
86
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,300
Oh, yeah.
87
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,300
He's good in that.
Very convincing discomfort.
88
00:04:49,570 --> 00:04:51,570
I came over to the island
To do a little painting.
89
00:04:51,570 --> 00:04:52,410
Oh, really?
90
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,040
Water colors? Oils?
91
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,980
Varnish. I'm doing the deck
On my summer place.
92
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,510
[both laughing]
93
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,520
All right, I'll bite.
Why is he pretending to be
Helen's dream guy?
94
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,520
It's a brilliant plan.
95
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,020
Matt is gonna be everything
Helen ever wanted
In a guy and more,
96
00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:09,030
And then he's gonna tell her
That he's a pilot.
97
00:05:09,030 --> 00:05:11,030
If helen still goes out
On a date with him,
98
00:05:11,030 --> 00:05:14,930
Then she'll never be able
To use any one of those flimsy
Excuses on me ever again.
99
00:05:14,930 --> 00:05:18,440
Brian, do I have to
Tell you how stupid
This idea is?
100
00:05:18,430 --> 00:05:21,340
Please do, joe.
Just for old-time's sake.
I miss it so.
101
00:05:21,340 --> 00:05:23,170
You're going through
An awful lot of trouble.
102
00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:24,670
Do you really want
A date with her that badly?
103
00:05:25,140 --> 00:05:27,640
Joe, I'm used to having
Women either loving me
Or hating me.
104
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:31,980
And this bizarre middle ground
Of adult mature friendships
Just makes my skin crawl.
105
00:05:31,980 --> 00:05:34,220
All right.
So you get a date.
What's next?
106
00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:36,150
I don't know, joe.
I'm not you.
107
00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:37,650
I don't need to know
Everything in advance.
108
00:05:37,650 --> 00:05:40,620
I don't need to know
That we're having chicken
Next tuesday night for dinner.
109
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:43,630
Roast pork.
It'll never work, brian.
Yes, it will.
110
00:05:43,630 --> 00:05:46,300
Because I'm an expert
At manipulating people.
111
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,300
I have absolute control
Over the human psyche.
112
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:49,800
I am
113
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,070
The puppet master.
114
00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:55,710
Watch how my marionettes
Dance for me.
115
00:05:55,710 --> 00:05:58,210
Ah, finally, someone
Who hates sushi.
116
00:05:58,710 --> 00:05:59,710
I just don't get it.
Ah!
117
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,710
(brian)
High on a hill was
A lonely goatherd
118
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:05,220
Lay ee odl lay
Ee odl lay hee hoo
119
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:09,690
[barks]
120
00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:14,760
(lowell on walkie-talkie)
This is red raider
Calling raging stallion.
121
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,760
Come in,
Raging stallion.
122
00:06:19,260 --> 00:06:21,770
This is raging stallion.
123
00:06:24,270 --> 00:06:25,540
What?
124
00:06:25,530 --> 00:06:27,040
I didn't say anything.
125
00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:30,040
Although I certainly
Could have.
126
00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:33,280
This is
Aeromass business, fay.
127
00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:34,640
It does not
Concern you.
128
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,710
Come in, red raider.
129
00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:40,220
Can I talk to fay?
130
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,220
[clears throat]
Uh, ok, ok.
131
00:06:46,220 --> 00:06:48,620
Lowell needs to
Talk to, uh, to you.
132
00:06:50,130 --> 00:06:52,130
Hello, this is fay.
133
00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:56,130
Did you bring that
Scampi recipe in today?
134
00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:58,130
Yes, I did.
Do you want it now?
135
00:06:58,130 --> 00:07:01,440
Sure. Let me find
A pencil and paper here.
136
00:07:01,940 --> 00:07:03,440
Take your time.
137
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,740
Oh, made in korea.
138
00:07:05,740 --> 00:07:07,940
They eat dogs there,
You know?
139
00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:11,180
Fire away.
140
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,180
Um, all right,
Red raider.
141
00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:16,190
Take one pound of shrimp,
Shelled and deveined.
142
00:07:16,190 --> 00:07:19,190
Excuse me,
But who is sheldon devane?
143
00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:22,730
I know almost all of
The people on this island.
144
00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:26,730
That is shelled
And deveined, you idiot!
145
00:07:26,730 --> 00:07:28,730
Which is exactly
What I'm gonna do to you
146
00:07:28,730 --> 00:07:31,230
If you don't
Get back to work.
147
00:07:31,230 --> 00:07:33,240
Roger, raging stallion.
148
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,240
Psst.
149
00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:38,170
Fay, can you hear me?
150
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,050
Uh, yes, lowell.
151
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:46,550
Don't be conspicuous,
But can you see roy
152
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,380
From where you are?
153
00:07:50,650 --> 00:07:52,660
Yes, I can.
154
00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:56,160
Is his face really red
Like a tomato?
155
00:07:57,660 --> 00:08:00,160
Yes, it is.
156
00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:04,070
Uh-oh. I'll be hiding out
Behind the utility shed.
157
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:08,000
Don't tell roy.
158
00:08:08,870 --> 00:08:11,270
He won't hear it from me.
159
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:17,580
Good morning, helen.
160
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,080
No, it's not
A good morning.
161
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,580
It is a great morning.
It is a fantastic morning.
162
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,090
It's the kind of morning
That just makes life
Worth living.
163
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,020
Yeah, I know what you mean.
It's a kind of morning
164
00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:28,020
When you wanna
Spray yourself
With lemon pledge
165
00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:29,330
And slide down
A bannister.
166
00:08:29,830 --> 00:08:30,830
Why so chipper?
167
00:08:31,330 --> 00:08:32,330
I met a guy.
168
00:08:32,330 --> 00:08:33,830
Oh, really?
169
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,400
We went on a date
Last night
170
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,270
And I had
The best time.
171
00:08:37,270 --> 00:08:41,940
Candlelight dinner,
Cappuccino on the wharf,
Terrific sex.
172
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,140
What?
173
00:08:43,140 --> 00:08:44,510
Just seeing
If you were listening.
174
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:47,510
You know I hate cappuccino.
175
00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:49,010
Hey, here he comes.
176
00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:51,010
Ooh, he's
A handsome brute.
177
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:56,120
I saw this in a garden
This morning
And it was so beautiful
178
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,620
And I knew
You had to have it.
179
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,120
That's very sweet.
Thank you.
180
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,630
It wasn't easy, though.
Some crazy lady chased me
5 blocks with a fungo bat.
181
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:08,100
Uh, matt, I'd like
To introduce you to
Joe and brian hackett.
182
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:09,970
How are you, joe?
Hi, matt.
183
00:09:09,970 --> 00:09:11,970
Hmm. So,
Young matthew, uh,
184
00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:13,940
Where do you hail from?
New york.
185
00:09:13,940 --> 00:09:17,240
Oh, really?
And what do you do there?
186
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,140
I fly.
I'm a pilot for pan am.
187
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:21,110
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
188
00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:23,610
You never told
Me that.
189
00:09:23,610 --> 00:09:25,610
I can't believe
That never came up.
190
00:09:25,610 --> 00:09:28,750
Oh, well, listen,
I have to run.
191
00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:31,720
I came by to tell you
That I will pick you up
Tonight at 8:00.
192
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,720
Nice to meet you, fellas.
193
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:34,720
Bye, matt.
194
00:09:36,730 --> 00:09:40,030
Oh, darn, darn,
Darn, darn.
195
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,800
Isn't that just like life?
196
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,800
You think you've found
The perfect guy and wham,
197
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,800
You get hit
Right in the teeth, huh!
198
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,310
If only it wasn't for that
Dang no-dating-pilots rule
Of yours.
199
00:09:49,310 --> 00:09:50,870
[clicks tongue]
Huh.
200
00:09:51,370 --> 00:09:52,880
Oh, that.
201
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,380
[razzing]
202
00:09:57,110 --> 00:09:58,620
[razzing]
She says.
203
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,620
My plan has worked
To perfection.
204
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:03,620
Now she no longer has
Any more excuses to not
Go out on a date with me.
205
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,620
Wait, brian, are you sure
You thought this
All the way through?
206
00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:07,620
Joe, joe, you doubt
The puppet master?
207
00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:10,330
What could possibly
Go wrong with this plan?
208
00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:12,930
You know what, brian?
I'm done with dating rules.
209
00:10:12,930 --> 00:10:14,430
Oh, really?
Yup.
210
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:17,430
From now on,
Matt's the only guy for me.
211
00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:19,440
I'm in love.
212
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,140
Any more bright ideas,
Geppetto?
213
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,690
Way to go, brian.
214
00:10:36,690 --> 00:10:39,190
You managed to get helen,
Who you wanna go out with,
To fall for a guy
215
00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:43,590
Who turns out to be a pilot
So she won't go out with him,
But with you instead.
216
00:10:43,590 --> 00:10:45,930
If we were to diagram
That sentence,
217
00:10:45,930 --> 00:10:47,930
Exactly where would you
Put the gerund?
218
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,300
I think
You know where.
219
00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:54,800
You are gonna
Tell her the truth.
220
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:55,800
No, no. No, no.
221
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,510
That's not an option.
Why not?
222
00:10:57,510 --> 00:10:58,510
All right,
Let me ask you this:
223
00:10:59,010 --> 00:11:00,980
Have you ever had
The slightest romantic
Interest in helen?
224
00:11:00,980 --> 00:11:02,950
Brian, I told you
We're good friends,
That's all.
225
00:11:02,950 --> 00:11:04,350
Wait, wait, wait,
Are you saying
226
00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,350
That you've never felt
The faintest attraction,
227
00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:09,350
The tiniest yearning,
The most fleeting
Misfiring of a nerve
228
00:11:09,350 --> 00:11:10,850
In your nether regions?
229
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,890
Maybe--
Well, you can forget
That pipe dream, buddy.
230
00:11:15,890 --> 00:11:19,400
Because if she finds out
You're in on this scheme
You are histoire, man.
231
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:20,960
[sighs]
232
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:22,360
What did you have in mind?
233
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:26,070
Does this mean
Anything to you?
234
00:11:26,070 --> 00:11:28,400
Isn't that
The way deaf people
Say sparkling water?
235
00:11:30,970 --> 00:11:34,180
Matt. Did anybody
See you come in here?
236
00:11:34,180 --> 00:11:37,680
Just some guy in coveralls
Singing moon river
Into a walkie-talkie.
237
00:11:39,180 --> 00:11:41,950
Maybe I should, uh...
No, no, no, no.
It's ok.
238
00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:42,950
Joe's one of us.
239
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:44,250
Oh.
240
00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:45,760
So how am I doin'?
241
00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:50,760
Fine.
242
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,760
Really? 'cause I think
I've got a handle on
This matt character.
243
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,100
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
But we just have
A--a slight problem here.
244
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,370
Oh, you hated me.
245
00:11:56,370 --> 00:11:58,870
No, no, no,
We loved you.
246
00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:01,870
But so did helen.
She's fallen for you.
That's the problem.
247
00:12:01,870 --> 00:12:03,840
So w-we've got
A slight change
In our game plan.
248
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,340
You have to
Make helen
249
00:12:06,340 --> 00:12:08,640
Not want to see you
Ever again.
250
00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:11,910
Oh, improvisation.
I like that.
251
00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:16,420
I'm thinking on my feet.
I'm thinking on my feet.
252
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:17,920
How about this?
253
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:18,920
No, no, no.
It's gotta be something good.
254
00:12:19,420 --> 00:12:21,420
Hey.
255
00:12:21,420 --> 00:12:25,430
Uh, what if matt tells helen
To quit playing the cello.
256
00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:27,000
She'd never
Give up music.
257
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,500
Why, joe,
You lovable weasel.
258
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,370
Uh, why would
I do that?
259
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:33,700
Well, you could say
260
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,200
That you love her
So much
261
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,970
That you can't bear
To share her
With her music.
262
00:12:37,970 --> 00:12:39,980
It's good.
That's very good.
263
00:12:39,980 --> 00:12:42,980
I don't know, guys.
I don't think that fits in
Very well with my character.
264
00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:44,980
I mean,
What's my motivation?
265
00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:46,980
Another $50?
266
00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:48,580
I can make that work.
267
00:12:58,130 --> 00:13:00,630
Brian, are you done
With my compact?
Shh!
268
00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:04,300
Fay, fay, fay,
We're trying to spy
On matt and helen.
269
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:07,270
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Where are my manners?
270
00:13:09,140 --> 00:13:10,040
[exclaims]
271
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,040
Here it comes, joe,
Here it comes.
272
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:15,040
This is where
Matt tells helen
To give up the cello.
273
00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:17,550
Poor kid,
She looks like
She's in shock.
274
00:13:17,550 --> 00:13:19,550
Mmm-hmm. Now watch.
275
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:21,050
Watch, joe.
Watch how skillfully
276
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:22,550
The puppet master
Guides our heroine
277
00:13:22,550 --> 00:13:24,550
Through these
Emotional shrills.
278
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:27,560
She doesn't believe matt.
He can't mean
What he just said.
279
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:30,060
Uh, but matt's saying,
Yes, yes, he did mean it.
280
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:33,500
Uh, and now comes
The climax of
Our little play
281
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,000
Where helen
Defiantly declares
282
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,300
That she will not give up
The cello for any man.
283
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,640
Oh, my god!
284
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,140
Maybe she misunderstood
The question.
285
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:47,480
Helen, helen.
What are you doing?
286
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:49,980
Matt asked me
To give up the cello
For him,
287
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:50,650
So I did.
288
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,120
I'll be ready to go
In a minute.
289
00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:59,120
Hey--
Matt, matt.
290
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:00,620
This has gotten
Out of hand.
291
00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:02,560
Y-you're gonna
Have to tell helen
The truth.
292
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,060
I'm afraid that there's
A little bit of a problem
With that, guys.
293
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:08,460
I've fallen in love
With her.
294
00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:09,800
What are you
Talking about?
295
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:11,300
Helen's wonderful.
296
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,200
She gave up
The cello for me.
297
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,200
But you're not you.
298
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,210
You're a fictional character.
I hired you to play a part.
299
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:21,210
Here's your money back.
300
00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:23,710
I'm not acting
Anymore, guys.
301
00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:25,780
I love her.
302
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:28,620
Listen, honey,
I know that this is sudden.
303
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,120
But if we feel
The way that we do,
Yeah?
304
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,620
Why should we wait?
305
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:33,960
Will you marry me?
306
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,460
Marry you?
I can answer that.
307
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:36,460
Yes, of course
I will.
308
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,630
Yes, of course--
What?
309
00:14:38,630 --> 00:14:41,400
Tell me one good reason
I shouldn't beat
The hell out of you?
310
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,700
I'm on
Your medical plan.
311
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,700
Look, joe. Joe, joe.
312
00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:47,700
I know things
Seem a bit convoluted
At the moment,
313
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:49,210
But don't worry,
I've got everything
Under control.
314
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,510
You forget I am--
315
00:14:50,510 --> 00:14:52,010
The village idiot?
Correct.
316
00:14:53,010 --> 00:14:55,410
You are gonna have
To tell her the truth.
What, now?
317
00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:57,710
No, on their
Golden wedding anniversary.
318
00:14:58,510 --> 00:15:00,020
Ok, ok.
Go ahead.
319
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:01,520
Ok, I'm--I'm going.
320
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,520
Go ahead.
I'm going.
321
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,520
Look, uh, helen,
322
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:11,390
I have something to say
To you and you might not
Be too happy.
323
00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:13,400
Are you kidding?
This is the happiest
I've ever been.
324
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,460
Listen, helen.
325
00:15:15,460 --> 00:15:17,970
Matt's an actor.
I hired him
To play a pilot.
326
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,000
I know.
327
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:22,340
You what?
328
00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:24,640
Matt told me,
And I don't care.
329
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:25,880
And you still
Love him?
330
00:15:25,870 --> 00:15:26,880
Of course I do.
331
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,340
Wait, wait, wait.
Matt, the actor?
332
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:30,310
Matt "How am I doing"
Sargent?
333
00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:31,750
Isn't he great?
334
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:34,620
Camus was right.
Life is absurd.
335
00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:38,490
H-helen, uh, I have to
Talk to you right now.
336
00:15:38,990 --> 00:15:40,490
It's very important.
337
00:15:44,290 --> 00:15:46,800
Helen, you can't
Marry matt.
338
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,300
Joe, I don't see any reason
Why I shouldn't, do you?
339
00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:53,070
No.
340
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:56,570
Well, yes, yes.
There is a reason.
341
00:15:56,570 --> 00:15:59,540
Uh, I don't know quite
How to put this but, well...
342
00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:03,250
I never thought
I'd do this.
Not like this.
343
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:04,980
Not now.
344
00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:08,880
Hey, uh, wait a minute.
345
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,890
Joe, what the hell
Are you doin'?
346
00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:12,690
What happened to
"We're just good friends"?
347
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:13,960
Helen,
Oh, god.
348
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:14,960
Helen, I love you.
349
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,460
Hey, back off, buddy.
She loves me.
350
00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:19,460
I've loved you
For a long time.
351
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:22,400
If I mean anything
At all to you, don't go.
352
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,400
Whoa, whoa.
Sensory overload. Whoa.
353
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:29,210
Joe, I never knew
You felt this way.
354
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,710
Helen, helen,
What about us?
355
00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:32,710
She loves me,
Don't you, helen?
356
00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:34,210
Helen?
357
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:35,210
Um...
358
00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:41,220
Matt, I don't know
How to say this to you,
359
00:16:41,220 --> 00:16:43,720
But I guess I've always
Loved joe ever since
We were kids.
360
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,220
I just never knew
He felt the same way.
Helen.
361
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:48,220
Now, wait a minute,
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
362
00:16:48,220 --> 00:16:49,730
You love joe now?
363
00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:51,730
Wait a minute,
You're gonna dump me
Just like that? I thought--
364
00:16:51,730 --> 00:16:53,230
Hey, get your hands
Off her.
365
00:16:53,230 --> 00:16:55,230
You think you're gonna
Take her away from me?
366
00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:57,230
You got another
Thing comin', joe.
367
00:16:57,230 --> 00:16:59,700
Hey, hey,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, now, take it easy now.
368
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,600
Helen and I
Belong together.
369
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,110
I love her.
370
00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:05,110
Yeah, of course
You love her.
We all love her.
371
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,880
She's a sweetie.
She's a cutie. She's to
Die for-- wrong phrase.
372
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:08,880
Shut up!
373
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,880
Shutting up.
Shutting up.
374
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,680
Matt, don't do this.
We can all
Talk about this.
375
00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:15,420
Does that mean
You'll marry me?
376
00:17:15,420 --> 00:17:16,420
He is quite a catch.
377
00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:17,950
I thought
I told you-- hey!
378
00:17:17,950 --> 00:17:20,460
Oh, god! Be careful.
Jeez, no!
379
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,160
[crashing]
380
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,930
(helen)
Oh, my god.
381
00:17:23,930 --> 00:17:25,560
[gun firing]
382
00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:27,960
Oh, no.
383
00:17:37,310 --> 00:17:38,740
I didn't mean to.
384
00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:40,740
Joe. Joe, wait, wait!
385
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:42,240
Oh, god.
386
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,750
Helen, all I wanted was
A measly date from you.
387
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:47,750
I didn't expect
This to happen.
388
00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:50,750
No, no, no, no.
Don't go in there.
Don't go in there. Don't...
389
00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:52,750
Helen, please,
Don't go in there.
390
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:53,760
[sobbing]
391
00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:56,360
[screaming]
392
00:17:56,860 --> 00:17:58,860
Oh, god! Oh, god!
393
00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:12,870
[screams]
394
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:14,880
[both laughing]
395
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,380
Ho!
396
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:20,380
Don't you love
The look on his face?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
397
00:18:20,380 --> 00:18:23,390
Hey, we're just yanking
Your strings there, bro.
Yeah, brian.
398
00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:24,390
After all, we are...
399
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:26,390
(all)
The puppet masters.
400
00:18:26,890 --> 00:18:27,890
[whooping]
401
00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:35,530
(lowell on walkie-talkie)
Raging stallion,
Raging stallion,
402
00:18:36,030 --> 00:18:39,030
This is red raider.
Come in. Over.
403
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,540
What is it, lowell?
404
00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:44,540
I have a bit of
A problem here, roy.
405
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:48,040
You know that
Wrought iron fence
By the utility shed?
406
00:18:48,540 --> 00:18:50,050
Yeah.
407
00:18:50,050 --> 00:18:52,550
I've always wondered
Whether there was
Enough room
408
00:18:52,550 --> 00:18:55,050
For me to stick my head
Between the bars.
409
00:18:56,550 --> 00:19:00,120
Well, I won't keep you
In suspense. There is.
410
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:04,630
But either my head's swelled
Or my ears only bend one way.
411
00:19:04,630 --> 00:19:07,630
I guess
I'm kind of stuck here.
412
00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:10,130
Don't panic, lowell.
I'm on my way.
413
00:19:10,130 --> 00:19:14,640
I'll bring the walkie-talkie
With me so we'll be in
Constant communication.
414
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,640
Ok, but don't take
Too long, roy.
415
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,640
I'm starting to lose
Feeling in my face.
416
00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:24,150
Heading home, roy?
You betcha.
417
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:28,320
[laughing]
See you tomorrow, helen.
418
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,320
Good night, helen.
Good night.
419
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,090
Hey. Thanks again
For tipping me off
About matt.
420
00:19:34,490 --> 00:19:36,990
Yeah, I knew
Right off the bat this was
A pretty stupid stunt,
421
00:19:36,990 --> 00:19:38,290
Even by brian's standards.
422
00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:40,200
Prop gun, fake cello.
423
00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:42,300
Yeah. It was fun
Stickin' it to him.
424
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:44,300
Yeah, it sure was.
425
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:46,230
That kiss sure took me
By surprise, though.
426
00:19:46,230 --> 00:19:47,900
We talked about the kiss.
427
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:48,900
No, we didn't.
428
00:19:50,410 --> 00:19:52,910
Aw, I could swear
We did.
429
00:19:52,910 --> 00:19:54,910
I think I would've
Remembered.
430
00:19:55,410 --> 00:19:56,910
Oh, god, I'm sorry.
431
00:19:56,910 --> 00:19:58,910
No, that's ok. I thought
It worked out all right.
432
00:19:58,910 --> 00:20:00,420
Yeah. Me, too.
433
00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:02,420
[chuckles]
It was a good kiss.
434
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:05,250
Uh-huh.
435
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,260
You didn't think
It was good?
436
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,660
No, it was fine.
437
00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:18,030
Fine, but not good?
438
00:20:19,030 --> 00:20:20,170
[clears throat]
439
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:22,670
Joe, it's just a difference
In technique, that's all.
440
00:20:22,670 --> 00:20:25,670
You're a stiff-lipper
And I'm a soft.
441
00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:26,980
It's no big deal.
442
00:20:26,980 --> 00:20:28,980
Well, I never really
Thought about it before.
443
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:30,950
Does it make
That much of a difference?
444
00:20:30,950 --> 00:20:32,450
Yes.
445
00:20:32,450 --> 00:20:33,280
Here, I'll show you.
446
00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:34,780
What? You wanna
Kiss me again?
447
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:37,720
Oh, don't be stupid.
This is just
An acting exercise.
448
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,690
And just relax.
449
00:20:39,690 --> 00:20:42,690
Don't pucker up
Like dudley do-right.
Just relax your lips.
450
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:56,640
(lowell on walkie-talkie)
Moon river,
Wider than a mile
451
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,370
I'm crossing you in style
452
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,040
Someday
453
00:21:02,540 --> 00:21:04,750
God, I love that song.
454
00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:09,250
Hmm.
Like that?
455
00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:11,250
That was better,
That was much better.
456
00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:13,190
Well, thanks for the tip.
457
00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:15,160
Good night.
Good night.
458
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:20,900
Chairs.
459
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,540
[ice cubes clinking]
460
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:31,540
[sighing]
461
00:21:36,210 --> 00:21:38,210
(lowell)
Hey, look at that.
462
00:21:38,210 --> 00:21:41,720
I just saw a car exactly
Like yours go by, roy.
463
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:45,720
Who'd have guessed
There were 2 purple
El caminos on nantucket?
464
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,230
We're after
The same rainbow's end
465
00:21:51,230 --> 00:21:54,230
Waiting round the bend
466
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,730
My huckleberry friend
467
00:21:57,730 --> 00:22:00,740
Roy, are you
My huckleberry friend?
468
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:07,240
Moon river and me
34618
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