All language subtitles for Leonard and Hungry Paul s01e04.eng

Leonard awoke to a world
that felt somehow different,

a world filled
with possibility and hope.

# I fell in love at a
quarter to nine

# Standing in the grocery line

# And the peanut butter
on the belt

# Rolled down, rolled down

# Oh, one of the dangers of magic,
it works

# But all good things have
got to hurt

# But the moon shines brighter

# The birds sing sweeter

# My heart beats louder
when you're around

# I'm five feet taller

# A celestial explorer

# Sleeping in the back yard, hey

# But the moon shines brighter

# The birds sing sweeter

# My heart beats louder when
you're around... #

BELL

Leonard and Shelley's first date
had ended with what he believed

to be the perfect kiss.

But his tendency to overthink things
had him wondering if that kiss

had somehow changed the rules.

What was the appropriate
post-date greeting?

- Nice to see you again.
- And you.

COURTLY FANFARE

DRAMATIC, ORCHESTRAL SWELL

Coming to his senses,
Leonard decided that,

if he kept it simple,
he couldn't go wrong.

Oh...

Sorry.

I don't know what that was.

I...I don't think there's a
name for it.

Should we try again?

I mean, I'd like to,
but maybe not here?

I think we should try and keep
things on the down low

while being in the office, you know?

We don't want HR on our backs.

Got it.

Especially with
what happened with my last job,

I do not need
another legal battle on my hands.

Oh, you have to put a bit in about
those emperors and their pet lions.

- What?
- Nothing. I'm just glad you like the idea.

You should have
written your own book ages ago.

Do you really think the world
needs another Roman encyclopaedia?

But this one will
be completely different.

This one will be all yours.

Actually...

..why don't you pitch the idea
to Mark Baxter right now?

- No.
- What?

It's more... It's the...
Is that the idea stage, really.

- What have you got to lose?
Do it... - Ooh!

- Don't you two look cosy?
- We're talking shop, actually.

Erm, because Leonard
has a fantastic new idea

that he'd like to pitch
to Mark Baxter.

PHONE RINGS

I'm going to go get that.

Hi, Karen. Did you ring me?

No? Oh.

Well, while I have you,
can I ask...?

MAN PERFORMING MARTIAL ARTS

While Leonard
escaped pitching to his boss,

Hungry Paul
hoped to avoid his fate...

Oh!

..a meeting with the judo mat.

CHILD GROANS

Now, everybody see that?

Very good, Isabelle.
Go take a break.

Now...

..I need another volunteer.

You.

Fetch me a mat.

You, up you come. Come on, let's go.

But the thing about fate is...

..no matter what path we take...

Ah...

..there's just no escaping it.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

- SHELLEY, BANDITO VOICE:
- So long, sucka! Ha-ha!

- I'm off.
- Sh...Shelley,

I was going to ask if you want to
go to the Darwin exhibition in town.

I'm thinking maybe tonight?

I'm actually busy tonight

but what about later in the week?

- Great.
- OK.

- Great, bye.
- Bye.

Ah, Leinster.

Ah, you're wasting your time
with her.

- With who?
- Shelley. She doesn't like to mix business with pleasure.

Right.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure she
has a fella on the go.

- Oh, does she now?
- Yeah. I heard her arranging to go to

the cinema tonight
with a guy called Patrick.

Hmm. Heya, gorgeous, how are you?

I love that colour on you!

NARRATOR: If you were to list the
million most frequently asked

questions in the universe, "Who is
Patrick?" would not be amongst them.

And yet, for Leonard,
it was the only question.

Suddenly, Patrick was everywhere.

Next stop, Patrick Street.

A day that had begun with such
promise was fast losing its lustre.

And matters weren't helped
by the mail waiting for him at home.

It was an unwelcome reminder
that he had still to choose

a fitting receptacle
for his mother's ashes.

- LEONARD:
- "Urn After Breathing."

Jesus.

It was a daunting decision,
and one he wasn't ready to make.

DOOR CLOSES

Can I ask what happened to your eye?

Judo.

I didn't realise it got that rough.

It is what it is.

So, the big award ceremony this week
for your email competition,

that's exciting.

Are you nervous at all?

Nope.

I'm sorry I missed games night
last night.

I got a bit caught up
in the whole Shelley thing.

Water under the bridge.

So, how is the
old office romance going?

Honestly, I don't know.

I think she might be at the cinema
right now with...

..some guy called Patrick.

Hmm.

Sorry, I didn't come here
to unload my woes on you.

You're losing your queen.

I don't think she was ever my queen.

What?

No, bishop to G5,
you're losing your queen.

Check.

Ah, right.

NARRATOR: After a sleepless night,

Leonard avoided the unwelcome sight
of his mother's empty bedroom

and instead prepared himself
to face Shelley.

He knew there was no point
delaying the inevitable,

living in wilful ignorance
was not an option.

He would simply ask Shelley
who Patrick was.

You're welcome. Bye.

- Hey, Leonard.
- Hey, Shelley.

You look tired. Big night?

Uh, not really.

I spent most of it catching up
on my writer's block. You?

Just living the dream.

- Everything all right?
- Ah, yeah, I had something I wanted

to say to...ask...

- Yeah, ask you.
- OK, ask away.

Mmm.

Could I speak
to you some...somewhere else?

Yeah. Sounds ominous.

- In here?
- Yeah, sure.

- Right.
- What's up?

So, there is something
I wanted to say to you.

Ask.

Right.

There was something I wanted
to ask you.

But, uh, now I can't quite remember
what that was.

Why don't you just ask me?

Did you go to cinema last night
with some guy called Patrick?

Yes, I did.

Oh.

We went to see Fart Of Darkness.

OK.

Patrick's my son.

I took him to the cinema
for his birthday.

- You have a son?
- Mm-hm.

Is that going to be a problem
for you or...?

- Oh, no. Of course not.
- OK.

Actually, he is a big fan of yours.

Facts At My Fingertips is
a bedroom favourite at our house.

That's lovely.

Yeah, I imagined Patrick was some
kind of alpha male

that I could not compete with.

I didn't think he was a toddler.

Well, actually, Patrick's seven and
you could never compete with him.

No, no, no, no,
I didn't mean like that.

No, I know you weren't...

Sorry, that was... I was..

Ugh.

I actually tend not to bring up
Patrick on a first date.

I reckon it's more
of a third-date thing, right?

Correct.

And I like to separate, you know,

hot mum Shelley from
hot date Shelley.

- Of course.
- Yeah.

- I really didn't mean...
- I know, of course you didn't.

Don't even worry about it.

But I do need to get back
to whatever it is I do here.

- All right.
- So... - Me too.

OK, great. Well, see ya.

NARRATOR: Feeling that things
with Shelley had been left on

a slightly uncomfortable note,
by 4pm, Leonard had decided upon

a grand gesture, which he was
certain would put an end

to any such awkwardness.

LEONARD: Shelley.

Here.

What's this?

It's the latest edition of Mark
Baxter's Facts At My Fingertips.

- Oh!
- I signed it to Patrick for his birthday.

Oh.

Thank you.

OK. See ya.

- INHALING:
- Awkward.

Much to his family's excitement,

the day of Hungry Paul's
award ceremony had arrived.

However, for Hungry Paul,
gala or not,

the highlight
of his day would always be

the silence he enjoyed
with his morning routine.

Elsewhere, Leonard was drowning out
the silence with thoughts of Shelley

and the question of
what his next move should be.

Finishing his morning routine
with a walk,

Hungry Paul found a little
more silence along the way,

while escaping the noise
of Grace's wedding plans.

We could put the Flemings
at table five,

but then we need to find a place
for Jane.

Aw, lovely Jane,
I haven't seen her for years.

Such a sweetheart. Well, there's
still a place at table eight,

which would put her beside
Uncle Michael.

- The sex tourist?
- Don't say that!

Messy divorces create nasty rumours,

and I, for one,
never believed a word of it.

So I'll put her on table eight.

BOTH: God, no.

- So, do we know where
the honeymoon's going to be? - Nope.

Andrew's organising the whole thing,
wants it to be a surprise.

Ooh, what a smoothie.

I think he's feeling a bit bad
about being away so much

- before the wedding.
Not that I'm complaining. - Hmm.

Maybe I should do the same thing
for your mother.

Well, why not?

You've been talking about taking
a big trip forever.

Hmm, I think we've enough
on our plate just at the moment.

Speaking of which,
where is my little brother?

Well, he was having trouble
with his cufflinks,

so he nipped out to clear his head.

You must have written some email
sign-off to get nominated

for a Chamber of Commerce award.

You can stop fishing,
I'm not telling you my entry.

You know, if you win...

What have you done here?

..why don't you copyright the phrase

and then you'll earn
some money every time it's used?

I'm not looking to make money.

I want to contribute to society,
make a difference.

Give the money to charity.

It's fundraising, not charity.

I want to make a clean,
straight contribution to the world.

Just a thought.

And we're done.

Ah, thanks.

- Give me a look at that eye.
- Huh? Oh, God.

- Mm.
- Oh, stop.

Any updates on the love life?

- Shelley, isn't it?
- She now has a seven-year-old son.

Oh, you work quick.

His name's Patrick.

And you didn't know?

No.

Well, that's quite a big surprise.
How did you react?

I don't know, Grace.

I didn't know how to react,
so possibly...badly.

Well, does Patrick
change things for you?

No. I'm hoping I didn't make
it seems like it does.

Well, her son
is obviously her number one.

All she needs from you
is to know you're interested.

Let's go, don't want to be late!
Come on.

- I am interested.
- Good.

Then show her you're interested.

Come on.

- ON PHONE:
- Hey, Leonard. - Hey, Shelley.

I, uh... It's a bit last minute,
I know,

a friend of mine has been
nominated for an award

- and there's a sort of gala today.
Now, actually. - OK.

I was wondering
if you'd like to come...? Come?

Oh. Sounds good, but I promised
Patrick we'd spend the day together.

Well, you could bring him.
There's face painting, clowns.

It's the perfect family day out.

Not that I'm saying that we're...

I'm only saying it's for everyone.

Sounds good,
but we'll stick to our plans.

Right. Sure.

Another time, maybe?

- Anyway, wish your friend luck
for me. - Absolutely.

- Bye, Leonard.
- Bye.

You all right?

- Isn't this impressive, though?
- Yeah.

Where's our nominee?

I think he had to declare his
presence to the powers that be.

- Aloha.
- Oh!

- "Special guest"!
- Uh, yep, that's me. - That's impressive.

Here, should you not
be inside, love?

They said, when they need me,
they will find me.

Found you! Wendy Davenport,
chamber president.

We're starting shortly,

so we need to get you inside to meet
the other nominees.

Best of luck!

APPLAUSE

Let's hear it again for the Saint
Jude's National school dancers.

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

Didn't they start off well?
Not to worry.

So, some time ago,

we asked you, the public,

to create a new email sign-off for
the Chamber of Commerce nationwide,

in all business correspondence.

And three of you
more than rose to the occasion.

UNCERTAIN APPLAUSE

And so, without further ado...

In third place, Dermot Larkin,

who suggested,
"Don't be a stranger."

APPLAUSE

Well done, Dermot.

Well done.

Um, in second place,
with an excellent entry,

which the judges described as,

"Practical, permissive
and not wholly original,"

was Carol Flanagan, who suggested,

"Please feel free to get in touch."

Well done, Carol.

Which means it's time to reveal
our winning submission.

It's the most elegant of entries.

OK, here we go.

Drum roll, please.

No drum roll, OK.

Our new email sign-off phrase is...

"You may wish to note the above"!

Are we...? Yeah?

Welcome onto the stage,
our winner!

CHEERING

Congratulations. Congratulations.

He won!

To the casual observer,

it might have appeared
like a classic case of stage fright.

It wasn't.

In a world of noise, Hungry Paul
found himself sharing

a rare moment of silence
with a room full of strangers,

and he wanted to bask in that moment
for as long as possible.

Not everybody felt the same way.

Ha-ha, speechless!

I think that says it all!

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

APPLAUSE DISTORTS AND ECHOES

Having never won anything before,

this was a new experience
for Hungry Paul.

It was unfamiliar, loud,
and not to his liking.

APPLAUSE BECOMES A CACOPHONY

SUDDEN SILENCE

Are you OK?

Uh, yeah. Fine, thanks.

I'm Arno.

I was the mime.

- I didn't think mimes were allowed
to talk. - I'm off duty now.

That accent, trying to place it.

- Limerick?
- France.

- Bingo.
- I was really impressed by your speech, it was magnificent.

I don't think I said anything?

Didn't you?

You know,
the National Mime Association

is interviewing
for a new spokesperson.

I think you should apply
for the position.

Spokesperson?

For mimes?

Think about it.

THE FAMILY ARGUE PLAYFULLY

LEONARD TAPS A GLASS

Afraid it's time
for my Irish goodbye.

You know, I think
if you tell people you're leaving,

it just classifies
as a common goodbye.

Oh, right.

See you at games night?

- Oh, yes, I was thinking
The Game Of Life. - Very good.

Although you might already
be winning that one.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, Leonard.

Was that Leonard sneaking off?

Yeah, and doing a terrible job
at it.

You should be very proud.

Thanks.

What do you think you'll do
with all that money?

I don't know,
I hadn't really thought about it.

You should.

You know, I'm getting married,

Mum and Dad are retired.

So maybe you should think of...

Retiring?

Moving on.

Now, this windfall could be
the very thing you need

to kick on with your life.

- What do you mean?
- Oh, come on.

You're not planning on spending
the rest of your life

playing Guess Who,
living with Mum and Dad.

- DAD:
- Ready? Three, two, one.

You know what?

Don't listen to me.

Blame it on the grape juice.

You did great today.

Congratulations.

That evening, accepting that

the road to romance would never
be without its bumps,

Leonard,
inspired by his friend's success,

decided to take a break
from the realities of our world

and lose himself
in a world of his own making.

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