Original subtitles

Leonard awoke to a world that felt somehow different,

a world filled with possibility and hope.

# I fell in love at a quarter to nine

# Standing in the grocery line

# And the peanut butter on the belt

# Rolled down, rolled down

# Oh, one of the dangers of magic, it works

# But all good things have got to hurt

# But the moon shines brighter

# The birds sing sweeter

# My heart beats louder when you're around

# I'm five feet taller

# A celestial explorer

# Sleeping in the back yard, hey

# But the moon shines brighter

# The birds sing sweeter

# My heart beats louder when you're around... #

BELL

Leonard and Shelley's first date had ended with what he believed

to be the perfect kiss.

But his tendency to overthink things had him wondering if that kiss

had somehow changed the rules.

What was the appropriate post-date greeting?

- Nice to see you again. - And you.

COURTLY FANFARE

DRAMATIC, ORCHESTRAL SWELL

Coming to his senses, Leonard decided that,

if he kept it simple, he couldn't go wrong.

Oh...

Sorry.

I don't know what that was.

I...I don't think there's a name for it.

Should we try again?

I mean, I'd like to, but maybe not here?

I think we should try and keep things on the down low

while being in the office, you know?

We don't want HR on our backs.

Got it.

Especially with what happened with my last job,

I do not need another legal battle on my hands.

Oh, you have to put a bit in about those emperors and their pet lions.

- What? - Nothing. I'm just glad you like the idea.

You should have written your own book ages ago.

Do you really think the world needs another Roman encyclopaedia?

But this one will be completely different.

This one will be all yours.

Actually...

..why don't you pitch the idea to Mark Baxter right now?

- No. - What?

It's more... It's the... Is that the idea stage, really.

- What have you got to lose? Do it... - Ooh!

- Don't you two look cosy? - We're talking shop, actually.

Erm, because Leonard has a fantastic new idea

that he'd like to pitch to Mark Baxter.

PHONE RINGS

I'm going to go get that.

Hi, Karen. Did you ring me?

No? Oh.

Well, while I have you, can I ask...?

MAN PERFORMING MARTIAL ARTS

While Leonard escaped pitching to his boss,

Hungry Paul hoped to avoid his fate...

Oh!

..a meeting with the judo mat.

CHILD GROANS

Now, everybody see that?

Very good, Isabelle. Go take a break.

Now...

..I need another volunteer.

You.

Fetch me a mat.

You, up you come. Come on, let's go.

But the thing about fate is...

..no matter what path we take...

Ah...

..there's just no escaping it.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

- SHELLEY, BANDITO VOICE: - So long, sucka! Ha-ha!

- I'm off. - Sh...Shelley,

I was going to ask if you want to go to the Darwin exhibition in town.

I'm thinking maybe tonight?

I'm actually busy tonight

but what about later in the week?

- Great. - OK.

- Great, bye. - Bye.

Ah, Leinster.

Ah, you're wasting your time with her.

- With who? - Shelley. She doesn't like to mix business with pleasure.

Right.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure she has a fella on the go.

- Oh, does she now? - Yeah. I heard her arranging to go to

the cinema tonight with a guy called Patrick.

Hmm. Heya, gorgeous, how are you?

I love that colour on you!

NARRATOR: If you were to list the million most frequently asked

questions in the universe, "Who is Patrick?" would not be amongst them.

And yet, for Leonard, it was the only question.

Suddenly, Patrick was everywhere.

Next stop, Patrick Street.

A day that had begun with such promise was fast losing its lustre.

And matters weren't helped by the mail waiting for him at home.

It was an unwelcome reminder that he had still to choose

a fitting receptacle for his mother's ashes.

- LEONARD: - "Urn After Breathing."

Jesus.

It was a daunting decision, and one he wasn't ready to make.

DOOR CLOSES

Can I ask what happened to your eye?

Judo.

I didn't realise it got that rough.

It is what it is.

So, the big award ceremony this week for your email competition,

that's exciting.

Are you nervous at all?

Nope.

I'm sorry I missed games night last night.

I got a bit caught up in the whole Shelley thing.

Water under the bridge.

So, how is the old office romance going?

Honestly, I don't know.

I think she might be at the cinema right now with...

..some guy called Patrick.

Hmm.

Sorry, I didn't come here to unload my woes on you.

You're losing your queen.

I don't think she was ever my queen.

What?

No, bishop to G5, you're losing your queen.

Check.

Ah, right.

NARRATOR: After a sleepless night,

Leonard avoided the unwelcome sight of his mother's empty bedroom

and instead prepared himself to face Shelley.

He knew there was no point delaying the inevitable,

living in wilful ignorance was not an option.

He would simply ask Shelley who Patrick was.

You're welcome. Bye.

- Hey, Leonard. - Hey, Shelley.

You look tired. Big night?

Uh, not really.

I spent most of it catching up on my writer's block. You?

Just living the dream.

- Everything all right? - Ah, yeah, I had something I wanted

to say to...ask...

- Yeah, ask you. - OK, ask away.

Mmm.

Could I speak to you some...somewhere else?

Yeah. Sounds ominous.

- In here? - Yeah, sure.

- Right. - What's up?

So, there is something I wanted to say to you.

Ask.

Right.

There was something I wanted to ask you.

But, uh, now I can't quite remember what that was.

Why don't you just ask me?

Did you go to cinema last night with some guy called Patrick?

Yes, I did.

Oh.

We went to see Fart Of Darkness.

OK.

Patrick's my son.

I took him to the cinema for his birthday.

- You have a son? - Mm-hm.

Is that going to be a problem for you or...?

- Oh, no. Of course not. - OK.

Actually, he is a big fan of yours.

Facts At My Fingertips is a bedroom favourite at our house.

That's lovely.

Yeah, I imagined Patrick was some kind of alpha male

that I could not compete with.

I didn't think he was a toddler.

Well, actually, Patrick's seven and you could never compete with him.

No, no, no, no, I didn't mean like that.

No, I know you weren't...

Sorry, that was... I was..

Ugh.

I actually tend not to bring up Patrick on a first date.

I reckon it's more of a third-date thing, right?

Correct.

And I like to separate, you know,

hot mum Shelley from hot date Shelley.

- Of course. - Yeah.

- I really didn't mean... - I know, of course you didn't.

Don't even worry about it.

But I do need to get back to whatever it is I do here.

- All right. - So... - Me too.

OK, great. Well, see ya.

NARRATOR: Feeling that things with Shelley had been left on

a slightly uncomfortable note, by 4pm, Leonard had decided upon

a grand gesture, which he was certain would put an end

to any such awkwardness.

LEONARD: Shelley.

Here.

What's this?

It's the latest edition of Mark Baxter's Facts At My Fingertips.

- Oh! - I signed it to Patrick for his birthday.

Oh.

Thank you.

OK. See ya.

- INHALING: - Awkward.

Much to his family's excitement,

the day of Hungry Paul's award ceremony had arrived.

However, for Hungry Paul, gala or not,

the highlight of his day would always be

the silence he enjoyed with his morning routine.

Elsewhere, Leonard was drowning out the silence with thoughts of Shelley

and the question of what his next move should be.

Finishing his morning routine with a walk,

Hungry Paul found a little more silence along the way,

while escaping the noise of Grace's wedding plans.

We could put the Flemings at table five,

but then we need to find a place for Jane.

Aw, lovely Jane, I haven't seen her for years.

Such a sweetheart. Well, there's still a place at table eight,

which would put her beside Uncle Michael.

- The sex tourist? - Don't say that!

Messy divorces create nasty rumours,

and I, for one, never believed a word of it.

So I'll put her on table eight.

BOTH: God, no.

- So, do we know where the honeymoon's going to be? - Nope.

Andrew's organising the whole thing, wants it to be a surprise.

Ooh, what a smoothie.

I think he's feeling a bit bad about being away so much

- before the wedding. Not that I'm complaining. - Hmm.

Maybe I should do the same thing for your mother.

Well, why not?

You've been talking about taking a big trip forever.

Hmm, I think we've enough on our plate just at the moment.

Speaking of which, where is my little brother?

Well, he was having trouble with his cufflinks,

so he nipped out to clear his head.

You must have written some email sign-off to get nominated

for a Chamber of Commerce award.

You can stop fishing, I'm not telling you my entry.

You know, if you win...

What have you done here?

..why don't you copyright the phrase

and then you'll earn some money every time it's used?

I'm not looking to make money.

I want to contribute to society, make a difference.

Give the money to charity.

It's fundraising, not charity.

I want to make a clean, straight contribution to the world.

Just a thought.

And we're done.

Ah, thanks.

- Give me a look at that eye. - Huh? Oh, God.

- Mm. - Oh, stop.

Any updates on the love life?

- Shelley, isn't it? - She now has a seven-year-old son.

Oh, you work quick.

His name's Patrick.

And you didn't know?

No.

Well, that's quite a big surprise. How did you react?

I don't know, Grace.

I didn't know how to react, so possibly...badly.

Well, does Patrick change things for you?

No. I'm hoping I didn't make it seems like it does.

Well, her son is obviously her number one.

All she needs from you is to know you're interested.

Let's go, don't want to be late! Come on.

- I am interested. - Good.

Then show her you're interested.

Come on.

- ON PHONE: - Hey, Leonard. - Hey, Shelley.

I, uh... It's a bit last minute, I know,

a friend of mine has been nominated for an award

- and there's a sort of gala today. Now, actually. - OK.

I was wondering if you'd like to come...? Come?

Oh. Sounds good, but I promised Patrick we'd spend the day together.

Well, you could bring him. There's face painting, clowns.

It's the perfect family day out.

Not that I'm saying that we're...

I'm only saying it's for everyone.

Sounds good, but we'll stick to our plans.

Right. Sure.

Another time, maybe?

- Anyway, wish your friend luck for me. - Absolutely.

- Bye, Leonard. - Bye.

You all right?

- Isn't this impressive, though? - Yeah.

Where's our nominee?

I think he had to declare his presence to the powers that be.

- Aloha. - Oh!

- "Special guest"! - Uh, yep, that's me. - That's impressive.

Here, should you not be inside, love?

They said, when they need me, they will find me.

Found you! Wendy Davenport, chamber president.

We're starting shortly,

so we need to get you inside to meet the other nominees.

Best of luck!

APPLAUSE

Let's hear it again for the Saint Jude's National school dancers.

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

Didn't they start off well? Not to worry.

So, some time ago,

we asked you, the public,

to create a new email sign-off for the Chamber of Commerce nationwide,

in all business correspondence.

And three of you more than rose to the occasion.

UNCERTAIN APPLAUSE

And so, without further ado...

In third place, Dermot Larkin,

who suggested, "Don't be a stranger."

APPLAUSE

Well done, Dermot.

Well done.

Um, in second place, with an excellent entry,

which the judges described as,

"Practical, permissive and not wholly original,"

was Carol Flanagan, who suggested,

"Please feel free to get in touch."

Well done, Carol.

Which means it's time to reveal our winning submission.

It's the most elegant of entries.

OK, here we go.

Drum roll, please.

No drum roll, OK.

Our new email sign-off phrase is...

"You may wish to note the above"!

Are we...? Yeah?

Welcome onto the stage, our winner!

CHEERING

Congratulations. Congratulations.

He won!

To the casual observer,

it might have appeared like a classic case of stage fright.

It wasn't.

In a world of noise, Hungry Paul found himself sharing

a rare moment of silence with a room full of strangers,

and he wanted to bask in that moment for as long as possible.

Not everybody felt the same way.

Ha-ha, speechless!

I think that says it all!

- Whoo! - Whoo!

APPLAUSE DISTORTS AND ECHOES

Having never won anything before,

this was a new experience for Hungry Paul.

It was unfamiliar, loud, and not to his liking.

APPLAUSE BECOMES A CACOPHONY

SUDDEN SILENCE

Are you OK?

Uh, yeah. Fine, thanks.

I'm Arno.

I was the mime.

- I didn't think mimes were allowed to talk. - I'm off duty now.

That accent, trying to place it.

- Limerick? - France.

- Bingo. - I was really impressed by your speech, it was magnificent.

I don't think I said anything?

Didn't you?

You know, the National Mime Association

is interviewing for a new spokesperson.

I think you should apply for the position.

Spokesperson?

For mimes?

Think about it.

THE FAMILY ARGUE PLAYFULLY

LEONARD TAPS A GLASS

Afraid it's time for my Irish goodbye.

You know, I think if you tell people you're leaving,

it just classifies as a common goodbye.

Oh, right.

See you at games night?

- Oh, yes, I was thinking The Game Of Life. - Very good.

Although you might already be winning that one.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight, Leonard.

Was that Leonard sneaking off?

Yeah, and doing a terrible job at it.

You should be very proud.

Thanks.

What do you think you'll do with all that money?

I don't know, I hadn't really thought about it.

You should.

You know, I'm getting married,

Mum and Dad are retired.

So maybe you should think of...

Retiring?

Moving on.

Now, this windfall could be the very thing you need

to kick on with your life.

- What do you mean? - Oh, come on.

You're not planning on spending the rest of your life

playing Guess Who, living with Mum and Dad.

- DAD: - Ready? Three, two, one.

You know what?

Don't listen to me.

Blame it on the grape juice.

You did great today.

Congratulations.

That evening, accepting that

the road to romance would never be without its bumps,

Leonard, inspired by his friend's success,

decided to take a break from the realities of our world

and lose himself in a world of his own making.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0