All language subtitles for Leonard and Hungry Paul s01e01.eng

BIRDS CHIRP

GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS

- NARRATOR:
- Leonard's story began 32 years ago.

He was raised alone by his mother,

his father having died tragically
in childbirth.

He was a boy with
a big imagination...

..and not many friends
to share it with.

However, Leonard looked away
from the loneliness

and into the vast, inventive
universe of his mind.

This was a time when
quiet, imaginative children

did not enjoy the presumption
of innocence.

But Leonard was lucky to have
a devoted mother in his corner...

..often finding herself
taking his side against educators

who complained
that they found it impossible

to get through to him.

She would explain how,
like his late father...

Leonard simply lacks a eureka face.

Over the years,
Leonard's relationship grew

from purely filial
to one of cosy partnership.

The Murrays' cat was terrorising
the birds again today.

Nearly had the bullfinch for lunch.

I read somewhere that
seven million birds

and small animals are killed
by cats every year.

Dreadful business.

What's the life expectancy
of a domestic cat?

15 years, give or take.

15!?

I can't wait that long.

Fetch the family shotgun, Leonard.

We don't have one.

But you do have a birthday
coming up.

THEY CHUCKLE

When an adult son lives
with his mother,

assumptions are made
that she is overbearing

or that he lacks initiative.

In this case,
both were independent people

who quite simply got along.

- Cats hate water.
- I love us.

Matters of the heart
were artfully avoided,

as Leonard's mother
could never be sure

whether his seemingly
celibate lifestyle

was due to lack of interest
or opportunity.

So when, one morning,

Leonard received a wedding
invitation with a plus one,

it was only his lack of
a eureka face that hid his distress.

He could invite his mother.

Would she be quietly hurt
if he didn't?

Or would she rather see him
invite someone his own age?

In which case,
who would that someone be?

As it happened, the decision
was taken out of Leonard's hands.

MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYS

- RADIO HOST:
- Good morning, sunshine!

It's 7.15 on this absolutely
gorgeous Monday.

And if you're listening to this,
hey, guess what?

You're alive, you're breathing,
and you're about to

have another spectac-...

When an only child loses
their second parent,

the calendar of generations
turns a page.

The result is a blend of sadness
and bewilderment.

Doing exactly what Leonard
had always done

felt completely different.

There was no-one to talk to,
no-one to interrupt him.

Sorry.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

- Hi, gorgeous.
- Hi.

Did you think I forgot about you?

Call me when you get this.

Lenny, how was the weekend?

Er, not great...really.

Actually, my mother, sadly...

Hi!

HE CHUCKLES

She new? Ah, I think she's new.

Anyway, yes, I just stopped by
to see how our book is coming along.

Actually, great.
I think it's going really well.

Excellent. That's what I like
to hear.

- If you like...
- She is definitely new.

Yeah, I think they moved some
people down on the third floor.

She's new to me.

Anyway, yes. I was hoping
we could deliver by Friday.

Ah. That won't be easy.

I thought we had till the end
the month.

We did. Only, I need to get this
out of the way

before the team building weekend.

I don't know.

It's not a great time for me.

You? No, it's not for you,
it's only for the interns.

Didn't know we had interns.

Yeah, sure we do.

Well, we have one. Libby.

So it's going to be just you
and Libby

on a team building weekend?

Yeah, I thought she could benefit
from some one-on-one time.

- You see, the thing is..
- She's new.

Bingo!

HE CHUCKLES

Right. Gotta go, Lenny.

Listen, Lenny,
you're the best. The best!

- NARRATOR:
- Whilst Leonard was left battling the blank page...

..his best friend Hungry Paul
was facing his own trauma,

being dragged to hospital
by his mother -

not for medical reasons but
to make small talk with strangers.

I really don't see how I can help.

For some of these patients,

we're the only visitors they get
and they really appreciate us.

Religious witch!
Mind your own business.

She sometimes confuses me with
the hospital chaplain.

- Ah.
- Come on, you'll be fine.

I think we should split up.
Don't want to crowd the patients.

No. Can't we do it together?

You know, small talk is not my area.

- Never know what to say.
- There's nothing to it.

Just ask them how they're feeling.
Make sure they're comfortable.

That kind of thing.

With that lady over there.

- Doctor...
- Sorry, I'll get back to you.

I've just got to go
and speak to this lady first.

So, how are...?
How are you doing...

..Barbara?

Are you... Are you comfortable?

- Yes, thanks.
- Good.

Good.

That's good.

You said you wanted to speak to me.

Yes.

Right. Er...

Sorry, this is a bit, er,
difficult for me.

See, I never really know what to say
in these situations, so...

Whatever you have to say,
just say it.

Is it really that bad?

I just really don't believe
there is anything that I can say

that is going to make you feel
any better. So...

SHE SOBS

Oh, gosh. Oh, no.

Are you OK?
Will I fetch the doctor?

You're not a doctor?

Me?

No.

Part-time postal worker.

- You bloody dose!
- OBJECT THUDS AGAINST WALL

ITEMS CLATTER ON GROUND

HE EXHALES

BIRDS CHIRP

Hello?

I'm here to collect
my mother's ashes.

Elizabeth Drainal.

Sign here.

Would you have a bag
or something like that?

BOTTLES RATTLE

Come on, Mum.

TAP DRIPS

RADIO HOST LAUGHS

But first let's hear from

Barry in Kildare,
who wants to dedicate

Walking On Sunshine
to his wife, Maureen.

Oh, you sound like a glass half-full
kind of man, Bazza!

We love to see it.
Good morning, Radio Magic!

INDISTINCT CHATTER

PHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE

INDISTINCT CHATTER

PHONE CONTINUES RINGING

OFFICE NOISE STOPS

Happy Friday, Lenny!
We're nearly there on this.

Notes attached from my meeting
with Rhona.

Ciao for now.

Mark Baxter B.Ed.

- RHONA:
- Do we have to specify

that it's Christians being eaten
by the lions?

Concerned this may alienate
other religions.

Love the slave section.

Slaves are very problematic.

- Tone down the slave section.
- Dig deeper.

- On the nose.
- Flat.

- Do we have to...?
- Tone down...

..the lions...

VOICES OVERLAP

FIRE ALARM RINGS

- IN CHEERFUL TONE:
- Fire!

You have to get out of here.

- Run for your life!
- Is it a fire or a fire drill?

Erm... I'm actually not allowed
to answer that question.

And even if I was,
it doesn't really matter,

you still have to get out of here.
Thems are the rules, partner. Pew!

I'm OK. I'll take my chances.

Oh.

No. No, no, no.

I see you've left me no alternative.

I'm gonna have to pull rank on you.

They don't give this sash
to just anybody, you know.

I had to complete an in-service
course that lasted nearly an hour.

- Fine.
- Thank you!

Let's go. Thank you.

Yep, everyone, this way, thanks.

Yep. Thank you.

Shouldn't you be wardening
the other floors?

Wardening? Do you think to warden
is a verb?

Aren't you a writer?

But, no, I'm floor two only.

And if I do say so myself,
I'm the best.

I haven't lost anyone yet.

Now, when everyone gathers outside,

if you go near the bike shed.

Can you do that for me, cowboy?

Cowboy?

SHE CHUCKLES

Don't thank me for almost saving
your life or anything.

It's all in a day's work.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

WARDEN HUMS

Me again. So, Mark Baxter...

You actually wrote
The Facts At My Fingertips.

- Oh, great books. Great books.
- Oh. - Yeah.

I'm not Mark Baxter.

I've seen you working on them.

Mark's the author,

I'm the content supervisor.

He decides what goes in the books,
I write stuff.

Really? That's a job?

HE CHUCKLES

I hope so.

Sorry, I didn't mean for it
to come out like that,

but, like, that sounds a bit shite.

So you do all the work,

and then Mark Baxter gets his name
on the book?

Could you not get, like, a co-credit
or something?

It doesn't really work that way.

I'm... I'm more of a ghost-writer.

Ooh! Ooh.

- Are you being a ghost?
- Yeah.

You know what you could do?

- Kill him.
- Mike Baxter? - Mm-hm.

Or I could kill him for you.

No-one would suspect
the fire warden.

I'm kind of like
the office hero, right?

Don't look...
Don't look so worried, OK?

Cos I would make it look like
an accident. OK?

Is he allergic to nuts?

Take some nuts. Grind them up,

put them in a salad,
and then... Right?

Anyway, think about it.

So if you're not Mark Baxter,
then you are...?

I'm Leonard.

Leonard... Leonard. Found you.

I'm Shelley.

- Nice to meet you, Leonard.
- You too.

Lenny! How's the writing going?

MARK CHUCKLES

That last pass is always
the hardest.

You're Mark Baxter,
author of Facts At My Fingertips.

- Guilty as charged.
- Yeah.

MARK CHUCKLES

With another one on the way. Yeah.

They're like my children.
I spend all this time with them

just growing inside me
until eventually...

..I give birth.

Isn't that just a little bit outside
the male experience?

Sorry, that was probably
a poor analogy.

Yeah, well, what you could have
said was..

..that you are constipated
with the idea.

You know, just like,
really backed up,

and then eventually you...

You know.

Anyway, are you allergic to nuts?

Excuse me?

PHONE VIBRATES

Oh, sorry...

- I have to take this, so...
- OK.

Hi, gorgeous...

- I tried.
- Thanks. - OK.

Well, erm, I think we're done here.

Oh, right. I should get back to work.

Go, create, haunt.

- HE CHUCKLES
Thanks. - Don't hold back!

TEASPOON CLINKS

- NARRATOR:
- Without someone to share them with,

evenings at home had become
something to fill rather than spend.

If Leonard was a different
type of person,

he might have gone to the pub
to play darts or dominoes

or some other prison game
with friends.

Back in a bit, Mum.

But instead, to avoid
that stale chapter of the evening,

Leonard took refuge in the company
of his only friend, Hungry Paul.

- MAN:
- Helen, look, I love you, but you're not the one

who's going to be standing up there.

- WOMAN:
- I understand that...

Aren't you supposed to imagine them
all in their underwear?

I know, but the egg will be
on my face.

Hey, Leonard.
How are you doing?

Hey, Grace.

I wasn't expecting to see you here.

- Yeah, Dad wanted to run some of his
wedding speech ideas past me. - And?

- Disaster. You have to talk to him.
- Me?

Yeah. You'll know what to say.
You're a writer.

Of children's encyclopaedias.

Ah, Leonard. Come in.

- How have you been?
- Ah, getting there, thanks.

So, I hear you're working
on your speech.

- How's that going?
- Making progress.

I'm just trying to work in a joke
at the moment.

- Ah.
- But it's not a joke, Dad.

Watch this, Leonard.

Did you hear about the insomniac
who was up all night...

..sleeping?

- Oh, is that the whole thing?
- Yeah.

- You don't like it?
- I do, I do.

It's not that. It's just...

I'm not sure if it is a joke.

In the classical sense, I mean.

- Well, it sounds like a joke.
- Does sound like a joke,

it certainly does.
I will grant you that.

A good one, too.
But...sadly, it isn't.

- Thank you.
- You don't need jokes, Peter. You never have.

Your Christmas speeches,

they always go down a storm.
You've got a gift.

- Don't mess with it.
- Well, I just thought,

you know, the occasion
called for me to

move it up a gear, you know,
do something different.

Trust yourself.

When you speak from the heart,
you'll always hit the right note.

- That's good.
- The right note.

You've just given me
the best idea, Leonard.

What if...

..I opened...

..with a song?

I've got just the one.

Opened with? It's my wedding,
it's not Carnegie Hall.

You haven't heard it yet!

- Oh, dear.
- I swear to God, Leonard,

if he comes back in here
with that ukulele.

- I might pop down and see himself.
- Yeah.

WATER SPLASHES IN TOILET

TOILET FLUSHES

Yeah.

Leonard. I sensed you were here.

Your sister thinks I'm an idiot.

I'm with her on that one.

What's with your bathrobe?

I have begun training
in the martial arts.

What brought that on? I didn't think
violence was your thing.

It's not.

Judo isn't about fighting.

It is about calm
in the midst of combat.

- Ah!
- It's physical, but not violent.

Although, I may already have
a nemesis.

Nemesis? I thought you didn't like
people touching you.

Yeah, I don't.

I was actually hoping
this might help

with some of
my personal space issues.

And besides, I have to think of
my fitness.

- Swimming didn't work out.
- Why not?

Well, is the pool warm
because kids pee in it?

Or do kids pee in it
because it's warm?

Either way,
I'm done with public pools.

Yahtzee?

DICE RATTLE

- Not great.
- That one, I'll keep. - Play.

- Nada.
- Not great.

So how is the judo going so far?

It's great.

In fact, my sensei warned me today,

if I show up in my mother's bathrobe
again, he won't let me in the door.

Would we call that great?

Well, he'd hardly push me
to invest in the proper gear

if he didn't see great potential,
now, would he?

Good point. That must be it.

Final roll.

Ah.

Right. Done that in three.

Did you see the documentary
on Edwin Hubble last night?

No, I missed it.

The expansion
and contraction of the universe.

- It's a lot to digest.
- I can never get that right in my encyclopaedias.

How do you explain to children
that eventually everything's

gonna snap back like an elastic
into a tiny full stop?

It's the expansion
that really bothers me.

You know, Mother Nature
pushing everything away

from everything else.

It's... It's hardly maternal.

It's like...the universe
is expanding to get away from us

and leaving us more alone and
our world feeling smaller until...

DICE RATTLE

Yahtzee!

Sorry, what were you saying?

It doesn't matter.

Maybe it's not only the universe
that expands and contracts.

Maybe as we get older,

our lives start shrinking too.

How so?

I feel myself getting...

..smaller.

Quieter.

More invisible.

One thing's led to another,
and now I...

..feel like if I don't do something,
I'll just carry on to some...

..minor, harmless existence.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Better than trying to make a mark
on the world,

only to end up defacing it.

I can't help feeling I need to...

..open the doors
and windows of my life...

..a little.

This is all my fault.

Yahtzee is too intense.

I should have eased you
back into games night.

- NARRATOR:
- That night on finding his old sketchbook,

the boy with the big imagination
once again escaped

into the vast, inventive universe
of his mind.

A forgotten, cherished ritual

that gently silenced the echoes
of his empty house.

He began reworking a concept he had
for his own encyclopaedia.

His book would delve deeper into
the Roman conquest of Britain

and how they were pushed back by
a Celtic queen named Boudica.

As he worked,
Leonard's thoughts drifted back

to his encounter
with the fire warden.

He wondered why he couldn't seem
to stop thinking about her.

Maybe because he couldn't remember
the last time he'd laughed.

Or maybe the windows and doors
of his life were beginning to open.

Oh, no.

Eureka, Leonard.

Eureka!

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