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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:06,374 [Instrumental Music] 2 00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:07,808 What's goin' on, Rachel? 3 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,410 Have you seen this? 4 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:10,744 What, what what what what? 5 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:14,448 Earthquake in Philippines kills thousands. 6 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,884 Oh my God. This is terrible! 7 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:19,887 No. Earthquake is a comedian. He killed. 8 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,889 [Audience laughter] 9 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:24,092 I'm talkin' about today's horoscope. 10 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,927 Really? Really, Rachel? You're all worked up over a horoscope? 11 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,298 - Girl. - No, but look. It says Gemini... 12 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:33,101 the moon is not on your side today. 13 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,236 Trust no one. 14 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,305 Beware, all. 15 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:38,672 [Audience laughter] 16 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:39,807 Wow. 17 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,609 Wow is right. 18 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:42,643 Spooky stuff. 19 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,645 No. No, wow as in I 20 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:47,115 can't believe you really still believe in astrology. 21 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,117 I mean what does that even mean anyway? 22 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,519 The moon is not on your side. 23 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,487 The moon is just a big rock in space. 24 00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:56,857 [Scoffs] The moon is just a big rock in space? 25 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,460 Lisa, you sound so ignorant right now. 26 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:00,794 How do you explain tides? 27 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,596 The moon's gravity. 28 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:05,166 Oh okay. So you believe the moon can control these big ass 29 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,701 oceans but they can't control people's moods and emotions? 30 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:08,869 Yes. 31 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:12,440 Uh mm. See two weeks ago, my horoscope told me 32 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,108 to look forward. 33 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,544 So I stopped textin' and drivin' and I avoided a car crash. 34 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,613 Huh, how do you explain that, Lisa? 35 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:23,351 You shouldn't be texting while driving anyway, Rachel, 36 00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,319 whether or not your horoscope tells you to. 37 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:27,188 Girl, I'm not playin' witchu. 38 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,190 Whatever Faithless Evans. 39 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,491 [Audience laughter] 40 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:31,725 Let's see yours. 41 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:36,330 Um Leo, Leo, Leo, if the flow has stopped, be 42 00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:38,832 open to new ways of seeing the world. 43 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:42,570 See? Be open to new ways of seeing the world. It's telling you to be 44 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,205 open to Astrology. 45 00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:47,408 Yeah, what about the, if the flow has stopped part? 46 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,577 Hey Lisa, the a toilet's clogged up. 47 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,745 Oh, I see the plumber's already here. 48 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,381 [Audience laughter] 49 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:56,550 Oh I look like a plumber, but you the one shaped like the bottom of a plunger. 50 00:01:57,585 --> 00:02:00,154 - Not look, but you smell like-- - Shut your mouth, Tony. 51 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:02,590 [Audience laughter] 52 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,058 - Flow has stopped. - Yeah, it's a coincidence. 53 00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:06,660 Mm mm. Mm mm. There's somethin' to this stuff. 54 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:09,397 Now I'm a loan you my zodiac book so you can read up on it on your own. 55 00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:10,831 What are you two yackin' about? 56 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,267 Horoscopes. I'm tryin' to get Lisa into Astrology. 57 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:14,902 Oh really? Well let me see mine. 58 00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:17,371 Oh, [Scoffs] I didn't know you were into this, Tony. 59 00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,373 Oh sure. Let me check this out. 60 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,942 Libra. Yeah. [Clears throat] 61 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,212 Stick with your convictions. 62 00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:28,249 Ah, even though your family has lost they damn minds, horoscopes are 63 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,251 - ...still complete-- - [Lisa and Rachel] Shut up, Tony! 64 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:31,619 [Audience laughter] 65 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,553 [Theme Music] 66 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,588 * Woke up and my wife said to me * 67 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,957 * The bill collectors want their fees * 68 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,293 * The kids keep talkin' back to me * 69 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:40,961 * Family Time 70 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,264 * Family Time. Family Time 71 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:46,767 * Family Time. Waa aah woa oah oah oah yeah * 72 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,737 [Instrumental Music] 73 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:50,871 [Door opens] 74 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,274 Oh hey, there's my little Capricorn. 75 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:57,711 - Capricorn? - Yep. Responsible, honest, disciplined. 76 00:02:57,745 --> 00:02:59,747 Yep. That's my wonderful Capricorn daughter. 77 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:00,948 That's my baby. 78 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:03,617 Ooh Mrs. Stallworth, you're reading horoscopes? 79 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,752 What's it say about me? 80 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,254 Oh wait. Okay, don't tell me. 81 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,756 You are a... Pisces? 82 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,090 No. 83 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,092 - A Leo? - Nope. 84 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,094 What? Okay wait, don't tell me now. 85 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,230 Are you...what, a Scorpio? 86 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,465 No. I'm an Aires. 87 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:20,568 Oh. Okay, that explains it. That's why I don't like you. 88 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,635 What was that, Mrs. Stallworth? 89 00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:24,538 Oh I said that that that's exactly why I like you. 90 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,808 I like you too. And by the way, you look great for 91 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,643 -six-- - Sixteen, Mom. 92 00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,612 It looks like we could be sisters. 93 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,314 Yeah, my older sister. 94 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,848 [Audience laughter] 95 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:38,018 Um...Mom, me and Alissa were just about to go upstairs and do some homework. 96 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:41,655 Yeah yeah. You better tell your little friend here to watch her mouth. 97 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:44,592 Aires horoscope says there's a strong chance 98 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,427 for an ass whoopin' today. 99 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,928 Ya know I love ya Mrs. Stallworth. 100 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,997 Yeah, I wish your mama woulda loved birth control. 101 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,333 [Audience laughter] Sixty? [Scoffs] 102 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,967 Your mama's sixty. 103 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,670 [Instrumental Music] 104 00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,672 Wow, this is fascinating. 105 00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:01,008 What is? Uah. 106 00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,110 Lisa, you do know that that stuff is all made up? 107 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:07,047 All they do is write something vague that can be interpreted in many different ways. 108 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,182 You don't see any truth in it. Lu look, 109 00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:11,184 Let's look at your horoscope, okay. 110 00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:12,953 Ah, Libra. 111 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,223 The sun is setting, but has not yet set. 112 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,126 You may be presented with an interesting 113 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,028 business opportunity. 114 00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,863 Baby, I'm in construction. 115 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,233 Everyday, I may be presented with an interesting business proposition, 116 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,235 whether the sun sets or not, which it does everyday. 117 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:32,373 Nope, I don't know, Tony. I'd be particularly alert at work if I were you. 118 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,408 Okay, read Aquarius. 119 00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:37,311 Umm, Aquarius. 120 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:40,881 The storms have stopped. Maybe you should try reaching out to someone you haven't 121 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,750 spoken to in a long time. 122 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,985 See? I'm not even an Aquarius. 123 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,887 I'm a Libra with Scorpio tendencies, 124 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,357 which means I'm tough but ticklish. 125 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:53,193 And it's always a good idea to reach out to somebody that you haven't spoken to in a while. 126 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:55,429 When's the last time you spoken to my mama? 127 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:59,066 Why don't you give her a call. She would love to hear from you, Tony. 128 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,901 Last time I spoke to your mama, 129 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,571 she flew away and left them two pet guerrillas, Lori and Rachel. 130 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,573 [Audience laughter] 131 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,107 Very funny, Tony. 132 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,778 Did you know though that the zodiac is not just about your daily horoscope? 133 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,914 It also tells you which signs your compatible with. 134 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,883 Okay, I don't like where this is goin'. 135 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:19,853 Mm hm. It says that a relationship between Leos and Libras 136 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:22,690 often leads to a future with marriage and kids. 137 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:25,459 You need a horoscope to tell you that you're married with kids? 138 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:29,763 Honey, okay it also says a lot of positive things about our dynamic. 139 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:31,599 You know? Like we have the same shared values 140 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,867 and a lot of sexual chemistry. 141 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,769 Okay. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. 142 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,471 Now let's go through our star signs, girl. 143 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,973 But, it also says that we don't often 144 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,075 communicate well, and have a little bit of trust issues. 145 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,877 Alright, fine. I'll communicate better. 146 00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:45,846 Tony, I'm serious. 147 00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,982 Don't you wonder why we argue so much sometimes? 148 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,251 Okay, you show me a married couple that doesn't argue 149 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,387 and I'll show you two happily divorced singles. 150 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:54,388 [Audience laughter] 151 00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,924 Says here that Virgos and Taurus are 152 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,125 fairly compatible. 153 00:05:58,158 --> 00:06:00,661 Okay, well then let's roll play. I'll be the 154 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:04,432 strong, brave Taurus and you can be the sweet, sexy Virgo. 155 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:07,601 Why don't... 156 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:12,906 [Audience laughter] [Instrumental Music] 157 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,943 Alright. So basically all of the cost of building a new bathroom 158 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:19,780 in your home, come down to...this. 159 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:23,517 Oh wow. That's a little bigger than I'd hoped. 160 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:28,922 Is there anyway you could play in the ballpark of this? 161 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:32,493 For that, you can buy a porta potty and put it in your backyard. 162 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,694 [Audience laughter] 163 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,295 Please, Mr. Stallworth. I mean, 164 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:37,631 my wife and I bought a small house many years ago and 165 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:40,834 now, I gotta share a bathroom with my teenage kids. I need 166 00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,335 another bathroom. 167 00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:44,838 You need to add a zero to that number. 168 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:47,340 Look, I don't envy you, brother. I have two teenage 169 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,276 kids myself. I've seen their bathroom. 170 00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,944 So much hair. 171 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,946 Uah, it's like living with St. Bernards. 172 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,682 Oh you know my sister-in-laws? 173 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:58,018 [Laughter] Ah, listen. Unfortunately brother, I just can't help you. 174 00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,488 You know with all the cost of plumbing and permits, 175 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,989 I'd simply loose money. 176 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:05,192 Well, I appreciate you taking the time to provide me with an estimate. 177 00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,960 - Have a great day. - You too. 178 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:09,863 Hey look, maybe one day you'll get a raise. When you do, 179 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,364 come on down here and see me. You know where I'm at. 180 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,801 Oh I very much doubt that. 181 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,837 The print industry is dying. Can't see my paper givin' me a raise. 182 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:20,307 You're a journalist? Wow. You know, I always thought I'd make a good journalist. 183 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,543 Goin' undercover, gettin' the scoop. 184 00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:25,646 Ah, nothin' excitin' like that. I just write the daily horoscope. 185 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,648 - Ah, goodbye. - Ya, weh weh weh, where you goin'? 186 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:28,315 What's the rush, brotha? 187 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,750 Sit down. Sit down. 188 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,985 Wait, you write the horoscope? 189 00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:34,888 - Yeah. - Ah, you know yesterday you wrote 190 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:39,593 that I a Libra, would have a very interesting business opportunity. 191 00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:41,261 Ah, you're familiar with my work? 192 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:45,398 Very. Very. You know what, I think this is that interesting business proposition. 193 00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:48,001 In fact...I accept. 194 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,671 I will build you a second bathroom at the cost you want. 195 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,205 But you'd loose money. 196 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,841 I sure would. 197 00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,609 Now how about you do somethin' for me? 198 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,044 Anything. 199 00:07:57,077 --> 00:08:00,581 My wife is a little too involved with your column, so how about you 200 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,583 let me help you write 201 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,585 her horoscope for her, huh? 202 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:07,187 [Audience gasps] No! Absolutely not. 203 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,624 I mean, I can't toy around with the sacred zodiac. 204 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:14,928 I mean it would be disrespectful to my readers, and to the stars themselves. 205 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:19,132 Okay. Alright. Well, it was good to meet you. You know, good luck livin' with them sacred arts. 206 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:23,303 [Sighs] This will probably come back and bite me, 207 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,939 but in a classic Scorpio fashion, I accept. 208 00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:29,242 [Laughter] That's right. Alright, sit down. This is what I was thinkin'. 209 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:31,144 Tell her her sisters are ugly, 210 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:35,282 alright? Always ugly as hay. That's a horoscope thing. 211 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:38,586 [Instrumental Music] 212 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:39,953 Good morning, ladies. 213 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,655 Hurry up with that paper, already. 214 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:45,826 Alright, real news for me. Fake hair, I mean fake news for you. 215 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,227 Give, give gi gi give 216 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,663 Leo, 217 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:53,634 you've always been led by fire. Maybe now, it's time to cool off. 218 00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:57,938 You've been focused a lot on yourself, and maybe now it's time to put that energy 219 00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,272 into a loved one. 220 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,274 Mmm, that's interesting. 221 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,777 Interesting? I think it's damn wrong. 222 00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,112 You do everything for this family. 223 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,615 I would not listen to no paper. Don't ever change, baby. 224 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,617 I don't know, Tony. Maybe this is right. 225 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,485 I mean I've been so wrapped up in these horoscopes, 226 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,154 I wonder if I've been neglectin' the kids? 227 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:18,091 - Or you? - What? No, you are the best wife a man could ever ask... 228 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,326 for. I love you just the way you are. 229 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,361 Aww. Thank you, baby. 230 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,832 That's my baby. Okay, a let's ready yours. Libra. 231 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:26,834 Life has been hard. 232 00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:30,904 Time to rest. Put your feet up and let them take care of you. 233 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,641 That's a weird coincidence. 234 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,643 That's all it is. Just a coincidence. 235 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:38,679 I'm not gonna have no paper tell me that my wife's neglectin' me 236 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:41,348 and I need to be taken care of. Come on. 237 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,650 You sure, honey? 238 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:45,485 - Could I tempt you with a foot rub? - Well, if you insist. 239 00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,987 [Audience laughter] 240 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,823 Mm, that's it right there. Ooh yes girl, right there. Mm. 241 00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,291 That's, wow! 242 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,194 Mm, I'm glad I didn't eat breakfast. I'd be throwin' it up right now. 243 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,963 What's yours say? 244 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,766 Oh um...Gemini. 245 00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:02,703 You've been spending too much time at your family's house. 246 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:07,207 You ain't gotta go home, but get the hell up outa here? 247 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,842 [Audience laughter] 248 00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,678 That's oddly specific. 249 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,680 Oh wow, it really says that, huh? 250 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:16,183 I've been way too hard on these horoscopes. See now that one is spot on. 251 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:17,685 This don't seem right. 252 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,688 No, no. Now Rachel, you can't pick and choose the ones you like and the 253 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,022 ones you don't like. 254 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,724 Yeah. He he's right, now. 255 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:27,627 Very Gemini of you to think that you're smarter than everyone else. 256 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:31,198 I mean if the stars say you should spend less time with your family, maybe you should 257 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,200 spend less time with your family. 258 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,036 Are you, are you kickin' me out? 259 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:39,106 I'm not. The stars are. 260 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,075 There's a full moon tonight too, Rachel. You better go before that hair starts 261 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:44,077 growin' on your back, Teen Wolf. 262 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,046 Sorry, sis. 263 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,716 [Instrumental Music] 264 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:51,084 [Doorbell rings] 265 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,523 Hey Alissa, what's up? 266 00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:57,758 Can we talk? 267 00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,359 Sure. Come on in. 268 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,761 [Door shuts] 269 00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:02,730 What's wrong? 270 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,965 I think my parents are getting a divorce. 271 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,601 And with all the arguing, I just can't be there right now. 272 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,603 Can I...stay here? 273 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,073 For how long? 274 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:16,409 Ah you now, a few days. Or a week or 275 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,111 until we leave for college. 276 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:21,749 College? Girl please, you ain't gettin' into college. 277 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:24,451 Oh my bad, girl. Did I say that out loud? 278 00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,054 Look, you can stay here for a couple a days 279 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:30,257 but we can't let my parents know because you know my mom wouldn't like it. 280 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,759 Girl, you know your mama love me, 281 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,828 she just be doin' that in front of you so you don't get jealous. 282 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,296 Right. 283 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:39,499 Look, I'm sorry, Alissa. I wouldn't know what to do if my parents were 284 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,601 talkin' about getting a divorce. 285 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,603 It feels horrible. Like I'm 286 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:48,141 the problem. So I just ran out the house and didn't know where else to go. 287 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:51,244 So if they did split up, who would you stay with? 288 00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:53,246 Um, definitely my daddy 289 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,382 because he got money! 290 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,787 But for the time being, I'm gonna stay with you. 291 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,189 Did your mama cook? 292 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,325 [Instrumental Music] 293 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:08,495 For my favorite, most darling husband, 294 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:13,967 I prepared for you a feast of pot roast, collard greens, mashed potatoes. 295 00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:17,805 baked beans. And for dessert, I'll take you upstairs-- 296 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,807 Oh heh hey, Ebony. 297 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,608 How you doin', baby? 298 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:24,444 Great, actually. I'm in the middle of studying. Do you mind if I have dinner in my room? 299 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,346 Of course, sweetheart. 300 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,216 [Phone vibrating.] Oh, [Clears throat] hello. 301 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,484 Yes. This is she. 302 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:34,988 Ah I haven't, but let me ask Ebony. She's right here. 303 00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:38,325 Ebony, ah this is Alissa's mom. Have you seen her? 304 00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,493 Ah no, not since high school, 305 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:41,895 where I see her everyday 306 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,531 at high school. Um, did I say that already? 307 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,033 I'm in high school. 308 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,169 Ah yeah, no. She she actually hasn't but 309 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,972 if I hear anything, I will definitely let you know. 310 00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,673 Okay, bah bye. 311 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,075 Thanks for dinner. Bye! 312 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,010 Oh she seems hungry. 313 00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:59,012 That's just a growin' girl. So listen, about that 314 00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,681 dessert, I am very excited for the bedroom portion, but 315 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,083 is there actual dessert too? 316 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,484 Oh yeah, there's a little suhim' suhim'. 317 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,919 Is there cake? Tell me there's cake. 318 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,821 You know where the cake is. 319 00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:10,690 [Laughter] Oh that's right. How about pie? Is there pie? 320 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,092 [Audience laughter] 321 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:16,663 [Instrumental Music] 322 00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,631 Chow time, prisoner. 323 00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:20,901 What is it? 324 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,703 Soul food. Now this how you keep a man. 325 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,505 [Audience laughter] 326 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,375 Good. Better than them hard grits your mama made this mornin'. 327 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,877 Okay look, you're at my house. 328 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,678 Technically it's your daddy's house. 329 00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:35,715 Oh, speakin' of parents, yours just called. You know, I can have them come pick you up. 330 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:36,749 [Audience laughter] 331 00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:38,751 Nah. Let's... 332 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,388 That's what I thought. Now get back under that bed. 333 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,924 [Music Sting] 334 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,526 [Instrumental Music] 335 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,896 Lisa, got the horoscopes for ya. 336 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,998 - Oah. - Gracias. 337 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,701 Leo, as the seasons and tides change, 338 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,603 so might you be temped to. 339 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,106 But don't change. Stand still 340 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,408 and continue how you've been. 341 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,410 [Laughter] Ah, it says that. 342 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,446 That is interesting. Well, you heard the horoscopes. Another foot rub? 343 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,448 Well, that would be my 344 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:09,983 pleasure. 345 00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,985 - Oh I got you - Stay away... 346 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:13,453 from his feet. 347 00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,155 Rachel, what's up? 348 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:18,091 Yeah, girl. What you doin' here? Didn't your horoscope tell you to go choke yourself? 349 00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:21,094 You right. It did. It literally said, Gemini, 350 00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,762 go choke yourself. 351 00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:24,597 Tony, how did you know that? 352 00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:28,068 Oh, ah because I read it when I picked it up outside, and you know I don't want to 353 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,603 disappoint the universe. Get to choke. 354 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:31,905 [Audience laughter] 355 00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:33,907 - Shut your lyin' ass up. I'll tell you how he knew. - How? 356 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,608 Get in here! 357 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,010 [Audience gasps] 358 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,912 I'm sorry, Tony. She beat it out of me. 359 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:42,415 Wait, what does Karl Winslow have to do with this? 360 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,151 [Audience laughter] 361 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,819 This is the man who's been writing the horoscopes. Or at least he 362 00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:49,356 was until Tony started writin' them for him. 363 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,125 Tony, come on, now. Is this true? 364 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,329 I knew somethin' was off about the horoscopes so I marched down to the newspaper office 365 00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:57,931 and made him confess. 366 00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,533 I'm sorry. I just needed that new bathroom. 367 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:03,436 My son is discoverin' himself. 368 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,705 [Audience laughter] 369 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,675 Tony, of all the low, low, 370 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,110 low things to do. 371 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,981 I'm sorry, baby. But I'm a Libra and we're self-centered. 372 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,617 And I'm about to self-center my foot up our behind. 373 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,120 Yes, I took a bribe, but it doesn't matter. 374 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:22,956 I mean, I just make up those horoscopes everyday anyway. 375 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,458 [Audience gasps] What? - See, I knew it. 376 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:28,561 I honestly just write whatever pops into my head. 377 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:31,531 Leo women are known to forgive and forget. 378 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,600 Open your heart today. 379 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:35,969 I'm a Gemini. 380 00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:39,506 Gemini's are known to turn the other cheek. 381 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,909 Well I have two sides, so what's my other side tellin' you? 382 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:46,013 - To give me a head start? - Mm hm. Mm hm. 383 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,315 [Screaming] 384 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,985 Wha? Aah, Lisa...hi. 385 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,720 Ah I'm Denise, 386 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,889 - ...Elizabeth's mom. - Oh, nice to finally meet you in person. 387 00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:59,326 Is everything okay? 388 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:02,195 Well, I traced Alissa's phone to your house. 389 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,331 I mean, are you sure she's not here? 390 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,499 Ebony says she hasn't seen her. 391 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:09,002 Ah, maybe Alissa left her phone here. 392 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,704 Ebony! Ebony. 393 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,374 Ebony!!! 394 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,910 [Knocking] Ebony. 395 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:19,912 One second. 396 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:23,283 [Audience laughter] 397 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,618 Okay, you can come in. 398 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:29,022 Ebony honey hey, Alissa's mother is downstairs. 399 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,390 Did she leave her phone here? 400 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,791 No, I don't think so. 401 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,126 Huh, so you haven't seen her? 402 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,694 Nope, not since high school, 403 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:38,398 which we go to together. 404 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,369 Alright, I'm sorry. It's coming from in here. 405 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:45,572 Alissa, you better show your face. 406 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:48,275 You've got until the count of 3. 407 00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,210 One, three. 408 00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:54,881 [Audience laughter] 409 00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:58,551 Hey, girl. Where did you come from? I thought you was at high school, 410 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,054 which we go to, together. 411 00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:03,723 Mama, hey! 412 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,826 When did you get here? Oh, you look great 413 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:10,163 By the way, did you exfoliate? You got the freckles. 414 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,931 Explain yourself. 415 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:15,935 Okay, fine. I overheard you and dad arguing, 416 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:19,072 and I thought you guys were getting a divorce because of me so 417 00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:22,642 I came here and Ebony's like my best friend and 418 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,411 Lisa's like a second mom to me. 419 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,179 I wouldn't go that far. 420 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:30,183 Honey, your father and I have been worried sick about you. 421 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:34,654 No stupid argument we have could ever be more important than you. 422 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,189 So you're not getting divorced? 423 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:37,490 No! 424 00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,261 So I'm not in trouble! 425 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:42,695 No. 426 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,932 Yes...so much trouble. 427 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,601 [Audience laughter] 428 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:52,872 Okay well thank you so much for your help, Ebony, but I guess I won't be seeing 429 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,207 you for a few weeks. 430 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,209 Oh, try a few months. 431 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,211 That's fair. 432 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:01,148 Thanks, Lisa. Now if you'll excuse me, 433 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,515 I have a child to punish. 434 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,851 Yeah, that makes two of us. 435 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,853 - Let's go. - Alright. 436 00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:07,854 Hug it out. 437 00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,856 You'll be fine. 438 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,824 Say goodbye's. 439 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,794 Mm mm mm mm. 440 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,963 Mm mm uhm mm mm. 441 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,731 What do you have to say for yourself? 442 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:23,403 Okay, I'm sorry I lied, but you always say look out for my friends. 443 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,806 Yeah. Yeah I do. Honestly though, I'm just 444 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,242 I'm more upset that you didn't feel like you could come to me 445 00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,511 about Alissa's situation and tell me. 446 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,246 I woulda let her stay. 447 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,014 Really? I didn't think you liked her. 448 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,717 I mean I'm not her biggest fan but 449 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:41,988 I'm always willin' to help somebody in need, especially if it's somebody you care about. 450 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,491 Thanks, Mom. I'll keep that in mind. 451 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,893 So considering I was helping out a friend, 452 00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,861 can you only ground me for one week? 453 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,863 I'll see your one week, 454 00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,566 and raise you a month! 455 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,035 [Audience laughter] 456 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,939 [Instrumental Music] 457 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,108 [Instrumental Music] 458 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,711 Oh ho ho ho hoo, yes. 459 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,447 Yeah, that's right, Tony. Dig in there. 460 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,449 Don't be shy. Come on! 461 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,452 Yeah. That feels good. Thank you, baby. 462 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,621 Baby, it's been over an hour. How much longer? 463 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,923 Until I'm not mad anymore. 464 00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,191 How long is that? 465 00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:21,060 Every question you ask adds 15 minutes so... 466 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:23,062 [Audience laughter] 467 00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,132 You guys wanna hear today's horoscopes? 468 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,402 No thank you. I am done with horoscopes. 469 00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:31,438 Actually, I'm down to hear mine. 470 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,105 Okay. 471 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,907 Libra, 472 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:38,878 great things will come to you if you 473 00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:42,582 fix my bathroom at a fraction of the cost? 474 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,417 So much hair. 475 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:47,320 What kind of horoscope is that? 476 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:50,257 The stars are out of line, and so is his budget. 477 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,259 [Instrumental Music] 36628

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