Original subtitles

[Instrumental Music]

[Knocking]

Ah, hey Dominique, girl!

Hey Ebony, girl. Okay, I see you lookin' all cute for your man.

Huh, [In unison] Eww!

Now shake a 'lil some-- sha-- Oh!

- Hey. - Hi.

[Laughter] How you doin'?

Honey, you forgot your lunch money here. A so what man

is this you guys are talkin' about?

Uh mom, this is my friend, Dominique. And she was just joking.

Did you say mom?

I thought this was your sister. [Flaps lips]

[Laughter] Thank you, honey. You know black don't crack.

- I know that's right. - Stay hydrated.

- So... - You have a lovely home, ma'am.

Oh well thank you. Thank you. So listen, back to this man.

Who is this? Well who y'all jokin' about? I, I heard you.

Nah no that's just somethin' we say to motivate each other to look out best.

Yeah our very best.

- Mm hm. - Okay, okay well a that's great.

You just make sure you motivate each other to look your smartest and do your best

- in that classroom, you know? - Number-- Mm hm.

You already know, Mom.

- Already know what? - Oh hey honey. I was just givin' Ebony and her friend

a little pep talk. Dominique, this is Mr. Stallworth.

Oh my God Ebony, you didn't tell me your father's a bodybuilder.

[Laughter]

I did just renew my gym membership, though.

Yeah, now all you have to do is use it.

Okay yeah. [Snickering].

Anyway a so I take it my wife is just givin' you one of her famous pep talks?

Ah it's okay. My parents do the same thing.

- Mm hm. All talk talk talk with no pep. - That's right.

That's her. [Laughter]

Yeah Mom, um you and Dad would actually like Dominique's parents. They're

over protective just like you two.

Oh well I'm sh-- I like 'em already. I can't wait to meet 'em.

Yes, ma'am but we better go now. We don't want to miss that school bus.

It was so nice meeting you Mr. and Mrs. Stallworth.

-Mhm - Peace be upon you, my loves.

Mm.

You guys have a wonderful day.

- See ya. Nice meeting you, Dominique. - You as well.

I like Ebony's new little friend.

- I don't know, Tony. There's somethin' about Dominique. - Hm?

They didn't see me and they were all Ehh Aaw Ew. Ew.

Ehhaaaw!

- [Laughter] - And then I walked down and you see she's all...

peace be upon you, my loves.

- She's not a PK is she? - No I don't know, Tony. I just met the girl.

So what if she was a preacher's kid?

I would forbid Ebony to hang out with her

Those were the girls that were were fast to leave home so they can go

make out under the bleachers.

Uh hm hm hmm.

Is that right? You got somethin' on your lip? [Choking]

- You got something on your lips? - No, that I [Clears throat]

[Stammering] So I've heard, so I've, so I've, so I've heard.

Listen, a I'm sure she'll be fine.

Ebony is a good judge of character and she seemed like a nice girl.

Um yeah, I guess you're right.

On second thought though, you know you, you seemed nice too but whew!

wow boy, I mean I almost got pregnant one time.

[Laughter]

- I was somethin' else, huh? - You were somethin' else.

- Eeh. - Slow down.

[Theme Music]

♪ Woke up and my wife said to me ♪

♪ The bill collectors want their fees ♪

♪ Kids keep talkin' back to me ♪

♪ Family Time

♪ Family Time. Family Time

♪ Oh oah Family Time

♪ Oah ho ho hoa yeah

[Instrumental Music]

Yes, Mr. Carson. I do have that estimate for you.

Can you hold on one second while I grab that paperwork?

Alright, thanks.

Melinda, can you grab the Carson file, please?

Of course I can.

[Audience laughter]

I have Mr. Carson on hold.

And there's the file. You told him to hold onto it while yougrab it so

grab it.

Must you be so literal?

Must you be so bossy?

I am the boss!

[Mumbling under breath]

[Deep sigh]

Melinda, can you please hand me the file?

No! No no no no no no no no no

- no no no no - Yes, yes yes yes yes.

Girl what the hell is wrong wit chu?

You ain't just see that?

Yeh ip, never mind.

Mr. Caron, I'm so sorry. Can I call you right back?

Alright.

What? Get the hell off that desk. You look crazy as hell.

No! I just saw the biggest roach electric slidin' across this flo.

Now, I am not gettin' off this desk until you call an exterminator.

I'm not callin' no exterminator for one little roach.

That's why I keep a can of Fade stashed away.

Man, that roach had a tattoo on his chest saying Fade Life!

Oh snap, they havin' a roach riot up in here.

- Mm hm. Yup. Yup. - No, no, no.

Now who lookin' crazy? You buggin' out.

No, no, no. Tony do not tangle with La Cucarachas!

Well, I ain't gettin' off this desk until you call 1-800 BUG-N OUT!

I'm on it.

1-800 BUG-N-- [Laughter] That's clever.

[Instrumental Music]

[Audience laughter]

Mm hmm.

Oops. [Giggling]

- It looks like you folks have a infestation...

- problem goin' on here. - Mm hm hm hm hm.

Aow!

Oh, and I bet you came to save the day, Mr. Roach

- Buster? [Giggling] - Mmm.

- Name's Alvin. - Oooh.

Fun fact, that was my first choice for nthe name of the company but it was taken.

- Huh. - But check this out. I had the slogan ready and everything.

"I ain't afraid of no roach!"

[Hysterical laughter]

I get it. It's like Ghost Buster but Roach Buster.

- Ah you see what I did there. - I do.

Hm hm. Say bro...

now how long is it gonna take for you to clean up this little pest problem, man?

A few hours?

Try a few days.

5 to be exact.

5 days? Ugh.

Give or take.

Look man, we gotta tent this entire building.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get this paperwork started.

Woo!

- Mm hm. - I can't believe a couple little bugs is gonna cause me to

close up shop.

Well, it's either that or you learn to work with 'em.

And I ain't working with 'em. But at least one good thing came of this.

What's that?

Extra paid vacation week.

What? Oh girl please, no.

There will be no extra paid vaca-- this gonna have to be your vacation week.

A no. I already got my trip to Cabo planned.

It's paid for and I'm ready to rock with SWB

Huh? What's that? The singing group?

No! SWB: Sisters with Baggage.

It's a travel group for got-it-goin'-on sistas, like myself,

who wanna pack a bag and get away...

fast.

Yeah well you don't have to worry about vacation days at all because this is a very

busy month. We will be settin' up shop temporarily somewhere else.

So anyway Alvin, [Laughter]

I just wanna, I wanna know more about your pumps.

[Laughter] [Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

So Ebony, you know Dijon texted me

that he and his brother Davion with the one dimple, are gonna be at the park

basketball. So you know that's code for: We should roll through.

Green-eyed Davion? Tonight? I don't know.

Tah, c'mon Ms. Goody Two Shoes, you know his brother always askin' about you.

[Muffled chatter]

Oh shu ah.

The way you two are huddled around that phone,

I'm guessin' you must be finished with your homework.

Oh no, Mom. We were just a...

Studying the effects that social media has triggering dopamine levels in teens.

Mm.

It's for an upcoming debate.

- Mrs. Stallworth, your eyebrows are fire! - Mm hm, thanks.

Ooh thank you. Thank you very much, I think.

Um so listen Ebony, your father's gonna be home soon and he

wants to take us out to dinner.

Your little cheap daddy's up to somethin'.

Oh well if you don't mind, me and Dominique are gonna stay here

and prepare for an upcoming debate to bring to class you know, try to get an A.

A ah, an A plus.

I can't debate against that compelling argument.

Alright. You ladies handle your business.

Ebony, I'll bring you back some food, okay.

- Cool. Thanks Mom. - You're welcome.

Don't want to interrupt.

Dang, Dijon is blowin' up your phone.

You know he wanna know if we still comin' to the park.

Girl, tell him we are doin' homework.

Y.O.L.O. Ebony! We can take a little break.

[Audience laughter]

How we gonna get there?

Don't you have Goober on your phone?

Okay, that's for emergencies only and plus my dad's credit card

is connected to it so he'll know where we at.

Well why don't we just

take your mom's car after they leave?

Are you crazy? I am not takin' her car. I don't even have my license.

- Well I do. - Since when?

Okay it's actually a learner's permit but it's close enough.

We'll only be there for 30 minutes if that.

You know we don't want thirsty hangin' around for the whole game anyway.

Oh I'm not thirsty, but I guess I'm down as along as we get the car back

before my parents get home.

That's what's up.

You know with your permit you still need someone 18 or older in the car, right?

I thought you might ask that. [Chuckles]

Here you go.

Who's Ashley Parker?

Today, you are.

[

Ashley's my older cousin who's in college.

She let me borrow her old ID just in case I ever needed it.

But she's 21 and I don't even look that old.

Don't worry. You probably won't even have to use it.

Ashley.

[Instrumental Music]

What is all this?

Oh you're just in time, baby, for breakfast prepared for a queen.

My queen. Sit on down.

Mm mm, look at this. Fresh biscuits

straight out the oven. Mm mm.

- Smell that? Smell that? - Very slick, Tony.

I'm still not happy about you settin' up temporary office here at home.

- Well ah. - And you tryin' to butter me up

with these biscuits ain't gonna help.

Lisa it's only for a few days.

We're gonna set up shop downstairs in the man cave.

And I promise not to get in your way at all.

You won't even know we're here.

Tony, I have a lot of stuff to do here around the house, okay.

Not to mention I have a report that's due 2 days from now for school.

Alright, alright. You won't even know we're here.

I promise. [Knocking]

- There's Melinda. - Mm hm.

It's gonna be cool. [Whispering] Real quiet.

You won't hear a sound.

[Squealing] Good mornin' everybody!

See, one little box.

Javier, bring the rest of the stuff!

Rapido, rapido. Aqui. Aqui.

Aya, aya, aya, aya!

Su quesadilla, mi quesadilla.

[Audience laughter]

Okay Chiquita banana, calm it down a little bit.

A we're settin' up the office down there. That's why there's all of this.

- Mm hm. - I am ready for work, Mrs. Stallworth.

Oh, biscuits!

I'm sorry. Do you mind, Mrs. Stallworth?

- Melinda! - [Indistinct muttering]

[Muffled] Aya, aya, aya, aya.

[Audience laughter]

Won't even know you're here, huh?

Adios.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

[Humming]

Can I help you find somethin'?

[Banging] Nope, I'm good.

Yes! Jackpot.

You sure about that?

- Yep, sorry for disturbin' you. - Uh huh. Alright.

Woop. One more thing.

Okay you know what? Could you really

tone it down? I'm' tryin' to study for a test

here and I really don't like people all up in my refrigerator.

Oh my bad. I was just tryin' to get some creamer

- for Mr. Stallworth. - Mm hm.

Oh and um if you don't mind me sayin' so,

You might want to change this box of bakin' soda.

It smell like feet in your fridge.

[Audience laughter]

Huh huh. Okay, listen here. I know that you run

the Stallworth construction but I run the Stallworth home, okay?

And I know when to change my box of bakin' soda.

Thank you.

Oh my bad.

And as I said before, sorry for disturbin' you.

Melinda! You find it yet?

You're not disturbin' me Melinda, but my loudmouth husband is!

He is loud ain't he?

Yes, is he like that at work?

Everyday. He like a light-skinned guerilla.

Give me my coffee!

- Give me my creamer! - I'm sorry for snappin' at you earlier.

It's no problem, Mrs. Stallworth.

Please, call me Lisa. Would you like some coffee?

- I would love some. - Okay.

Thank you.

Teh, Melinda it is not time for your coffee break yet.

Why not? You go the poor woman disturbin' my peace, runnin' up and down

the stairs, Tony. This is your own house. Get your own coffee.

Sweetheart, couldn't you study in the dining room table?

Yes, but I prefer to study right here.

- Do you have a problem with that? - Uh mm.

Y'all finish your little chat. I'm gonna go get the mail.

Hi Mom. Hey Miss Melinda.

Girl, I can't believe how grown you are.

- You must be drivin' now. - Huh?

Drivin'? Oh no I'm not drivin'. I mean I don't even want to drive.

Mater of fact, I'm just tryin' to

drive these grades up. Mom, will you make me a sandwich?

You raised her right, Mrs. Stallworth cause I was nothin' like that at her age.

I was goin' to see boys, I was twerkin' and I ain't even scratchin' the surface, child.

Okay, I got out of school early so I'm gonna go and get a head start on my homework.

Okay.

Well, I'll go downstairs and pretend to be workin'. [Laugher]

Lisa, how did you get a scratch on the car?

What scratch?

You sure you didn't do it, Tony? Because you know you like to squeeze in tight parkin' spaces.

Especially when it's not your car.

She do got a point, Mr. Stallworth. You do like to squeeze in tight parkin' spaces.

I'm about to squeeze you off the schedule.

[Audience laughter]

He do got a point, Mrs. Stallworth. I need to be on that schedule.

Now back to you. I know how to park a car.

Okay just admit it, you parked too close to somebody and got a ding in the door.

Whatever, Tony!

Please, I know I didn't cause no ding in that door.

Yeah?

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

- SIt's alright. No, you right. You right. - Okay.

- I am right. I know this. You don't have to tell me... - I know you right.

- what I already know. - Just, just tell me what time you scratched the car.

- Okay, you know what, Tony? - When did you scratch the car?

- Tuh tuh, you ain't gonna reverse psychology me! - It's a long scratch. It's..

- I'm smarter than that. - ...one of them in.

- Alright. - Smarter than that.

The, the angle in which I can deduct...

- the fact that it was you that scratched the car. - Hi, Miss Melinda.

Good morning, Ebony.

Hey Mr. Stallworth!

Hey Lisa.

Listen, just do me a favor.

Admit that you scratched the car. It's no big deal.

I'm the one that's gotta pay for it anyway.

I'm not admitting somethin' I didn't do, Tony.

Alright you know what? That's just fine. That's,

that's fine. I'm a just go to my happy place, go play in some oncoming traffic.

Yeah.

[Audience laughter]

You do that. You do that, Tony. While you're at it, why don't you

scratch out the ding you put in my car.

Ding Dong.

Oh hmm. Mmm

[Clears throat] A Melinda when I return,

please be prepare to give me a status report on the Baldwin Mini Plaza project.

Yes, sir.

Thank you. Thank you. Cause a brother's gotta earn some extra money

so he can pay for mysterious little dings that his wife didn't put in his car.

Look don't be tryin' to show off in front of our assistant, Tony.

Aint nobody trying t-, what. I..Oah. [Fuming] Whatever!

Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

[Audience laughter]

Alright, never a dull moment around here, huh?

I better go downstairs and get to work.

Now you have a good day at school, Ebony.

You too. I mean, have a nice day at work.

Hey Miss Melinda, can I ask your advice on

something?

Sure, what's up?

Well, I have this friend who let her friend

borrow her parents' car.

Mm hm. Okay, mm hm.

So we, so She

and her friend go make a quick run to go see their friends

play basketball.

Some cut boys, huh?

Yep I mean, that's what she said.

Anyway,

rushin' to get back home before her parents came,

she accidentally scraped some paint off her car pulling into the garage.

Okay and you're asking for your friends, of course?

- What should she do? - Yeah.

Well normally I would advise differently but since I know Mr. Stallworth, I

say that your friends should lie, lie, lie!

Really?

Yes, and if she get accused,

deny, deny, deny.

Oh, okay, thanks.

No problem. It'll be alright.

[Laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

Rodney.

Hey, Tony, Tony, Tony.

Hey you ever wonder how they got the name for that group, man?

Cause ain't none of 'em named Tony. I mean you got Rafael. You got a a

a Dwayne. There ain't no Tony at all.

I mean they coulda been Larry, Larry, Larry.

or Darryl, Darryl, Darryl.

- I, I get it. I get it. And no, that never occurred to me. - Oh.

A what you doin' here, man? I jut cut you like 2 days ago.

You mind if I, I just sit in your chair for a few minutes?

Come on, Tone. You always welcome in my chair, baby.

- Thanks, bro. - Looks like you're goin' through

somethin' right now, man.

Let Dr. Rodney work it out, man. What's goin' on?

Remember when I told you that I'm gettin' the office fumigated for a couple days?

Right.

I made the mistake of deciding to temporarily work out of home.

Okay I mean it ain't no big deal. Of course you gave Melinda the week off though, right?

Hell no. She's workin' from my house too.

Oh no, Tone. You can't have your work wife

at home while your real wife is at home. That don't mix.

That's like mixin' light and dark liquor. They don't go together.

I feel ya. You know and at first, it was Clash of the Titans.

Ah mm.

But now, they all buddy buddy.

They havin, havin' coffee together and kee kee kee-in' behind my back.

[Audience laughter]

I don't like it one bit, Tone.

I'm a tell you somethin', when you a business owner,

- you da man, you da boss around there. - Yes, sir.

You you you da big baller, shot caller. You understand me?

- Damn, right. - This is your business.

You understand if your, your employee get around the house and see

who da real boss is... Hoo!

- Who dat? - Lisa.

Knock it off.

I'm the man around my house.

and hey baby!

[Audience laughter]

How you doin'?

What's a what, what you doin' here?

I think I know what happened to my car.

- What happened? - Mm hm. You know Ebony's little friend Dominque, right?

- Mm hm. - Well well well well well, well.

I get to scrollin'' through Funstagram.

- Hm. She'll regret the day she accepted you as a friend. - Okay?

I don't care. Anyway, I see a picture

of Ebony and Dominique sittin' on the hood of my car hugged with 2 boys.

[Audience laughter]

Tony?

I'm sorry, I blanked out after 2 boys. Did you say somethin' else?

Yes. I saw her hugged up on the hood of my car with 2 boys.

Okay wait now, now are you sure

- ...it was your car? - I know my car, Tony.

Okay I know my car. And the picture was taken the same evening you took me to dinner.

Alright, alright. That's cool. That's cool. So then look, check this out,

this what we gotta do. We gotta find the boys

- alright, we gotta line 'em up. Alright. - Come on now. Come on.

- Draw back. - Draw back, real slow.

Aim for the nose or the mouth, preferably the nose, you know.

[Audience laughter]

Calm down, T. Calm down. Alright, T.

Nobody is talkin' about the boys. It's not about the boys right now.

This is about sneaky little Ebony and Dominique

thinkin' they slick goin' for a little joy ride

in my car.

Ooh, Ebony's in trouble.

- Tone?...Yo, Tony. - Mm.

What? I blanked out again.

[Audience laughter]

- Is this one of 'em? - Nope, nope, no.

Tony, let's go.

[Instrumental Music]

[Knocking]

Come in.

- Good book. - Oh yeah it's a good book. Called a good thing.

Probably better right side up.

[Audience laughter]

Ebony, we need to talk to you.

Mom, Dad, I need to tell you something.

- Me and Dominque took your-- - We know you and your little fast friend took my car.

How did you find out?

You need to work on your photo cropping skills.

If you cut the a car out of that picture, me and your Mama

would still be at each other's throats.

- Tony? - You right, you right. I shouldn't be givin' up game.

[Audience laughter]

Mom, I didn't want to take your car

but I let Dominique talk me into it and I'm so sorry.

Yeah well you and your little friend Dominique, are officially on break

until further notice, young lady.

Yes, Ma'am.

And who is Ashley?

Oh my God, okay so since Dominique only has her learner's permit,

she let me borrow her cousin Ashley's ID

just in case we got pulled over.

And you are so lucky you didn't get pulled over.

Anything else you wanna confess, Ebony?

Um, well after we left the park we went to

the mall and Dominique got her belly button pierced

and I got one right here.

Oah.

Okay Lisa, this is how it starts.

first an ear piercing. Next thing you know she's on a tour bus sippin' Lean

[Audience laughter]

I already know I'm on punishment.

Yes, you certainly are.

You can forget about gettin' your license or your car until you're 18.

[Sighs] But Mom.

I so hate my life right now.

Don't worry. There's plenty more crappy life lessons ahead.

It gets better.

[instrumental Music]

[Door closes]

[Instrumental Music]

I never thought I'd say this but I miss this little dinky office.

[Chuckling] Yeah it's good to be back.

A man's work and home life need to remain separate.

I agree but you have a beautiful family and home Mr. Stallworth.

- You are truly blessed. - I am.

And that Ebony, she a good kid.

I'm so happy she ain't take my advice.

Reverse psychology work every time!

- Don't it?...Wait, wait, what? - Don't worry.

Oh hey baby.

- Hi. - Listen, I am swamped here at work

so we're gonna have to go to lunch another time.

Oh it's okay, baby. You just keep workin'.

Melinda and I, we're gonna try out that new Vegan Creole restaurant around the corner.

- Vegan Creole? - Mm hm.

What you gonna get some deep fried meatless po' boys?

[Audience laughter]

Wait that sounds about as awful as the two of you hangin' out together.

Whas wrong wit dat?

Yeah and thanks to Melina's impeccable

stalking skills on social media, I was able to find out

that Ebony and her friends took my car.

- Mr. Stallworth. - Hm?

I think I deserve a raise.

- Mm. [Laughter] Good luck with that, girl.

I know, right. He's so cheap.

So cheap.

He thinks it's frugal. [Chuckles]

Um a he is right here.

Yeah, but your credit card is right Here.

[Audience laughter] - Love ya.

- Alright. - Up, I got it, girl.

Find out how cheap I am when I freeze that credit card and you both washin' dishes.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]