All language subtitles for Family.Time.S06E08.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H264-WhiteHat_track3_[eng]

[Instrumental Music]

Aww, look at my baby.

Just so handsome and smart.

Mmm, thank ya, baby.

Not you, Tony.
[Laughing]

I'm talkin' about Devin.

Gosh, it seems like just
yesterday he would sit on my
lap,

crying, clinging to his teddy
bear, suckin' on his little
thumb,

complaining to me about school.

That was yesterday, Lisa.

Shut up, Tony.

You know what, maybe I should
make him a "Welcome home cake".

Or a chocolate fudge pazookie.

Damn Lisa, he's supposed to gain
the Freshman fifteen at school
not here.

I know, I know. I'm just excited
to see him.

- Yeah, I miss him too.
- Yeah.

Thanksgiving, just wouldn't be
the same without Devin

stickin' his dirty ole' fingers
in the sweet potato mix.

Burpin' at the table.

Or tellin' us he's thankful for
himself every year.

Oh, I'm sure he's past that
phase, ok.

He is a young adult now, and
probably taller than you.

So that don't mean nothin'. He
still ain't grown.

I got a six foot belt in that
closet if he tries to test me.

[Laughs]

Now, naw in all seriousness, I'm
proud of him.

He's getting good grades, he's
being responsible, making new
friends.

Oh, speaking of friends.

He's bringing his new buddy Sam,
with him for the holiday.

I'm cool with that. Long as he
cleans his room.

Boy been gone two months. Smell
like he never left.

[Audience Laughter]

Last time I walked by, almost
passed out from DTM.

What!?

Devin's Toxic Musk.

Cut it out. You made that up.

[Ebony from outside] Who opened
Devin's door?

Now the whole hallway smells
like DTM!

It's a thing, Lisa.

The boy's room smells like
pitbulls and taco meat.

Eww.

♪ Woke up and my wife said to me

♪ The bill collectors want
their fees

♪ Kids keep talking back to me

♪ Family Time

♪ Family Time, Family Time,
Family Time

Lisa.

Lisa!

Lisa!

What Tony?

What'd you want? Why do you keep
callin' my name?

I'm trying to get dressed.

I thought you were already
dressed.

I didn't like it, ok. I'm
changing.

Now, what's wrong?

Nothin's wrong, nothin's wrong.
I just been thinking.

Oh damn. Here we go again with
the thinking.

I'm serious. It's about Devin.

The boy's been doin' good,
thinikin'.

Maybe we should get him a little
car, or something.

He doesn't need a car, Tony.
He's a freshman.

Yeah, well his grades are pretty
good. Mmm, for Devin.

When I was his age. I had a fly
little ride.

You had a '73 Gremlin.

Yeah, but it had rims on it.

I don't think it's a good idea,
Tony.

He is not the most responsible
person.

He can barely keep track of his
keys, half the time.

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where you goin'? I'm trying to
have a conversation.

Tony, I gotta get back up
stairs, ok.

Need to figure out what to wear.
My sister just got here. We
gotta cook.

Ok, well you know what, it is
unsanitary to have pets in the
kitchen while you cookin.

And I don't wanna hear nothing
about no service animals either.

Bye Tony.

Ok, wa, wa, wait.

One more question, last
question. I promise.

Why you got that scarf on ya
head?

Tony, I'm trying to not to get
the smell of the food in my hair

while I cook, Ok.

I'm trying to kill two birds
with one stone.

Yes! Finally we're on the same
page.

You gonna kill both your sisters
with one stone.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

No Tony, I'm talkin' about
polishing my silverware and
cookin' my greens.

Now, please leave me alone.

Ok, ok, ok. Do your thang. Do
your thang.

Hmm. Hey, Lisa.

Lisa!

All this talk about food and
collard greens got me hungry.

Can you throw me down a snack?

I got yo' snack.

You know what. I'm not even that
hungry. Matter of fact.

[Instrumental Music]

Why you over there grinning like
a damn Cheshire cat?

Well.

It's not your business. It's a
surprise.

Ok, whatever.

Ok, fine. Since your prying it
out of me.

[Singing] I got a boyfriend. A
new boyfriend.

Ok.

Well, that explains why she's
dressed like Little Uzi Hurt.

Really Lori, a new boyfriend.

Mmm.

Don't you think it's a little
bit...

Thirsty!?

No.

Ah actually, I was gonna say
soon.

I know Lisa, but I really think
he's the one this time.

Oh you think he's the one. Just
like you thought Tyrone was the
one.

And then you thought Andre was
the one.

Oh and let's not forget about
One-Legged-Willy,

cause you thought he was gonna
be with you every step of the
way.

[Laughing]
- He could not help his
problems.

Listen I know you definitely had
your ups and downs,

when it comes to relationships.

But if you truly feel you have
found your match.

I say go for it.

Thank you, Lisa.

Mmm.

So how'd you two temporary
lovebirds meet?

Well...

We met on this cute little
dating website

called Black Love Matters.

And we've been dating ever
since.

Always sends roses to my
doorstep every Friday.

He takes me to dinner dates.

And he's even promised to take
me on this surprise vacation to
Le Chateau Le Blanc.

Le Chateau Le Blanc.

The, the white house?

Uh-uh, he tacky.

You know what. Mom should've
never gave you french lessons.

I think it sounds exciting.

I really do..What's his name?

Well, he's name is Blaire.

He's an investment banker.

Who's also a part time real
estate broker.

And he drives a matte black
Tesla.

He's rich, witches.

He's rich!

Good for you.

Have you met his wife yet?

Shut up, Stankenstein.

Just because I found love and
you haven't.

Doesn't mean you can rain on my
parade.

He's a nice guy.

And when do we get to meet this
nice guy?

Well about that.

If it's ok with you, Lisa.
I kinda invited him to
dinner this evening.

Oh, lord help us.

Of course that's ok.

-Yes.
- Can't wait to meet him.

Yeah.

I can't wait for him to see you
without your make-up on.

[Instrumental Music]

Come on, Kuz. Hit that baby,
you wide open.

Yes! Yes!

[Doorbell Rings]
- Yes.

Hey eh, Ebony can you answer the
door?

[Audience Laughter]

Ebony! Earth to, Ebony.

[Audience Laughter]

Hey Mothra, Godzilla. Can one of
y'all climb off the buildings

and open the door for me,
please?

Can't you see, we busy Michael
Jackass.

[Laughing]
You get the door.

Hey, how you doin? You must be
Tony.

And you better have the wrong
house.

Cause if you here to see, Ebony.
I'm whoopin' your ass.

Ebony? Naw man, I'm here to see
Lori.

Lori?

Ah, honey. Blaire Boo.

Blaire Boo?

Eh, yes everyone I'd like you to
meet

my new boyfriend Blaire Patel.

[Laughing]

You're, you're here for Lori?

Uh, how old are you brother?

I'm twenty-six.

Aw, you need me to get you some
tea?

Why?

So I can de-hypnotize you out of
the Sunken Place.

Why don't you just get out my
business.

Jordan Banana Peele.

Blaire may be young, but

we have a lot in common,
don't we.

- Hmm.
- We like the same movies.

The same music.

You know I love my oldies girl.

[Laughing]

We that's obvious.

[Laughter]

And..he has a great job.

Stable and very successful.

Hmm.

What does he, ah coach little
league games down at the YMCA.

[Audience Laughter]

Actually I'm a real estate
broker.

I've found houses for
celebrities like Mariah Carey
and Demi Moore.

Who both happen to be very
successful women.

And are both very notorious
cougars.

Mm mmm.

Well, it is a pleasure to meet
you, Blaire.

You know make yourself at home.

Enjoy yourself and the food will
be ready soon.

Oh, it's ok. I'm sure Lori
already burped him.

[Laughs]

I'm back.

Oh! What's up, son?

[Laughs]
Glad you're home, baby.

Let me get that bag for ya.

Oh, damn that's heavy.

- really?
- My baby's back.

Give me love. Where's Sam?

- Oh, just parkin' the
rent-a-car.
- Ok.

Let me get in here.

Oooh, move. Welcome back.

Sup, Musty.

Sup, Crusty.

Still haven't gained any swag, I
see.

Still, Uncle Donnie's daughter,
I see.

[Doorbell Ringing]

Hello.

Hi ah, you one of Ebony's
friends?

Oh no Dad, that's Sam.

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

Wow Mrs. Stallworth, this food
is absolutely amazing.

Thanks, Sam.

So, how did you and Devin meet?

Well, we recently started taking
a programming class together

and that's when the sparks
started to fly.

- Hmm.
- Oh, how sweet.

The sparks of romance.

No, sparks literally started
flying,

when Devin spilled coffee on his
computer the first day.

[Laughs]
Oh ok, so you guys are just
friends?

Yeah.

I mean but it comes with it's
benefits.

[Choking]

Excuse me?

No, no, no. I phrased that
wrong.

Me and Sam, throw benefit
concerts every Saturday at
school.

You know to raise money for a
bunch of different charities.

Oh, that's great.

And on top of all of that.

Davin and I, also created an app
called "Pitch Please".

That modulates the tone of your
voice.

Yep, you can go from James Earl
Jones,

to Michel'le in a matter of
seconds.

- Hmm.
- How?

- Y'all wanna see?
[All] - Yeah.

[High-pitched] My name is Devin
Stallworth.

[Laughter]

Well, you actually sound like
that a few years ago.

Shut up.

[Laughter]
That's absolutely brilliant,
baby.

I knew you were a genius.

Can I try?

Oh no, Rachel. It ain't gonna
pick the sounds of a werewolf.

[Imitates Howling] Oooh ooooh
owwww.

I think that's a great design,
guys.

I actually got a couple of app
ideas

for my real estate business I'm
trying to develop.

- We should chop it up.
- Bet.

I don't see why not. You guys
can talk about it while you're

sitting around the daycare
center.

I think it's a great idea.

You and Blaire should
collaborate, bae.

I think it's amazing that you
support your son's endeavors.

My parents aren't really that
supportive of me.

Who she talkin' to?

She did not just say her son.
That is hysterical.

Oh, your nephew.

Oow.

This day just keeps getting
better and better.

You know what. Don't make me
little girl.

Um, Tony. Hey, hey what about a
Thanksgiving toast?

- Hmm.
- Oh. Yes, yes.

A toast for sure.

Cause by the look of those
rolls. You've obviously had
plenty of bread.

Yeah, but the looks of that
weave. I'm bettin' on Seabiscuit
in the fourth.

Ok. Cut it out.

Really you two.

It's Thanksgiving, let's just
act like we like each other.

At least for the day, ok.

- Tony toast.
- Ok. Ok.

To a wonderful Thanksgiving with
my lovely wife,

my beautiful baby girl,

my collegiate son and his
friend,

my prize race horse, Rachel,

and uh, Madea and her grandson.

Do you wanna chop up his food
for him?

[Laughter]

-Tony.
- Cheers.

[Instrumental Music]

You know I really like that Sam
girl.

Yeah, yeah she's pretty cool,
you know.

And I think her and Devin got a
little something, something
goin' on.

Oh, yea. Devin gets really
nervous around her.

Naw, he just need to learn how
to spit game like his Daddy.

Cause I was never nervous when
we first started datin'.

Please, Tony.

You could barely make eye
contact with me on our first
date.

And I did all the talking.

Ok, well you gotta admit it was
kinda a double date situation
goin' on.

No, Tony. It was a triple date.

Me, you and your mother.

And with all the questions she
asked me,

I didn't know if I was on a date
or on trial.

Ok, you exaggerating a little
bit.

You know, wait. Ok, you may have
a point.

Hey mom, hey dad.

Ah, can we talk to y'all.

- Sure.
- Everything ok?

Yeah, it's probably be best if
y'all sit down for this one.

- Uh-oh.
- Oh, goodness.

Ok, what is the bad news.

Please don't tell me you're
pregnant.

I'm not ready to be nobody's fly
and fit grandma.

- No, mom.
- Ok.

We don't got no bad news.

Actually we got great news.

- Mhmm.
- Alright, well wha, what is it?

Um so...

me and Sam....

we kinda....

we....

we droppin' outta school and
gettin' married.

[Both]
What!?

Hey, Ma.

Hell naw.

[Instrumental Music]

You alright, come on.

[Audience Laughter]

Now, droppin' out and marriage.
Pst, please.

Over my dead body. Do I look
anywhere near dead to you?

I mean you ain't really been
eatin' right,

and that can lead to cardiac
arrest.

You want round two, boy.

Keep it up. Lisa, talk to him.
Talk to him.

Devin, Devin, you better explain
yourself

before you no longer have the
vocal cords to do so.

Ok. Ok.

Me and Sam thought it would be
best if we left school

to explore our paths as app
inventors.

We could be the next Steve and
Stevie Jobs.

Who told you that lie?

I mean a couple of kids at our
school told us we had a billion
dollar idea.

And Mom always tellin' me I'm a
genius.

So, I thought why not.

Yeah, yea, yeah, Devin is right.

The app is definitely that good
and it may be even better than
facespace.

Pitch Please? Pitch please!

What does marriage have to do
with any of this?

Seriously, I though you two were
just friends.

We are.

However, it is statistically
proven

that marriage would be perfect
for our brand.

It is a great business move.

Beyonce and Jay Z did it.

Beyonce and Jay Z are two of the
most successful moguls of all
time.

You are Devin and Sam. Two
delusional college students who
are wastin' my time.

[Audience laughter]

But Dad, we're not wastin' your
time.

You're just not willin' to
listen.

This app could really change
things.

I could get rich.

Buy a lambo, a jet-pack.

And I could move y'all out the
hood.

We don't even live in the hood.

This doesn't make any sense
Devin.

Seriously, where are you gonna
sell the app.

Don't you need a patent?

Mom.

I have Sam.

Why do I need, Paula Patton.

[Laughter]

Unbelievable. This is
unbelievable. I can't believe
I'm hearin' this.

My spoiled ass son wants to turn
down a once in lifetime
opportunity,

to be educated at one of the
most prestigious institutions in
the country.

Just to pursue some stupid app,
that has zero longevity.

- But, Dad...
-No but Dad, nothin'.

I thought that comin' home for
Thanksgiving would help

you realize you have parents
that would give you everything.

But, guess I was wrong.

Huh?

I, I'm gonna go check on my
husband.

I, I, I mean fiancee.

Mmm, mm, my, my friend,
my friend. Bye.

[Instrumental Music]

You know I just can't believe he
would do something like this.

Just so....

Just so...

[Sighs]
[All] Devin.

Listen girl, he gonna come to
his senses eventually.

I mean remember that time, I
wanted to drop out of school,

just so I could become a
stripper?

So stupid.

Rachel, you did drop out of
school and become a stripper.

Well, at least I was a
successful one.

I mean they was throwin' two
dollar bills over here.

At this red velvet butt cake.

Ah..[Laughing] Don't hate.

Ok, ok, can we stay on topic,
please.

Don't nobody wanna hear stories
of a gargoyle slidin' down a
pole.

Maybe Devin's entrepreneurial
skills are more advanced than we
give him credit for.

Yeah, but an average app.

I mean, how dumb can this boy
be?

Pretty dumb, Dad.

I mean remember that one time he
needed a tutor just to learn how
to scribble.

[Laughing]
-That's true.

The face that he wants to get
married. That is just beyond my
comprehension.

Well, I would definitely have to
agree with you on that one,
Lisa.

Even though Devin seems like he
has a decent head on his
shoulders.

You mean, a pretty big dumb
head.

I think kids are bound to regret
the decisions they make in life.

But they should also learn from
those mistakes.

[Fake Sneeze]
Dump Lori!

[Fake Sneeze]
Dump Lori!
Cold in here.

Look, everyone thinks monogamy
is the way to live.

I mean I dodged that bullet a
long time ago.

I mean come on man, who wants to
be condemned to a shackled
relationship

when you can have all this
abundance of booty...

I, I mean beauty.

Awaiting for you at all times.

Wait, hold up. Who, what?

Who you think you talkin' to?

You're seeing other women?

Hmm, can't say I didn't see that
one comin'.

You remember, I told you I don't
like to be tied down?

Coulda had me fooled.

So, you been playin' my sister?

Ya, playa. You been playin' me?

Ah, come on, Lori. Baby, you
know I ain't no playa.

I mean look, I'm not saying we
can't have something someday.

But, I mean I'm still in my
twenties.

Come on Tony. You know what I'm
talkin' about brother.

[Laughs]

No, I do not know what you speak
of brother.

I'm a very happily married man,
of twenty years.

You led me on.

You led me on. You made me think
we had something real.

It is real.

But it's also like my daddy used
to say,

it's a poor rat, that only has
one hole to crawl into.

[Laughing]
You a fool. That was a good one.

I, I, I mean it's a good one if,
what I mean by...

brother you gotta roll.

That's right, man. You gotta,
roll.

-Mm hmm.
- Come on!

Get your triflin', little young
rat ass up outta here.

Before I give you another
piercing that you didn't come up
in here with.

Y'all got any older sisters?

Get out!

To the left, baby boy.

Mmm. Back to friggin' cougar dot
com.

Don't worry.

We can just go to the playground
and get you another one.

[Instrumental Music]

Oow, I love this movie.

Oh yeah, School Daze is good.

But it's gonna make me start
thinking about Devin.

Pst..

How bout this, see what else...

Oow, this one starring Dustin
Hoffman.

The Graduate. Tony, come on
that's worse.

[Doorbell Rings]
Aw, you right.

Scroll through, man. Maybe you
can find Soul Plane or
something.

[Audience Laughter]

Ah, look it's the Dropout
starring Devin.

Can I come in?

Come on.

What's you come here to tell us.

That, you and Sam are adopting a
couple of African babies cause
it's good for your brand.

Actually, I come to apologize.

Apologize over here.

Really now?

Yes, really.

I'm not gonna drop out of
college.

Dad, I realize there was
opportunity presented in front
of me,

and I took advantage of it.

I was selfish and I'm sorry.

Well, well, I'm glad you come
over to tell that, son.

I am too, honey.

And you know if you want to
explore being an app inventor

with Sam as a hobby, I'm totally
fine with that.

Oh, no. I'm done with that.

And I'm done with that little
bird too.

As soon as we found out there
was an app called,

Pitch Better Have My Melody.

You know, we decided that the
marriage thing wasn't gonna
work.

But you know I didn't care
anyways because I got my eye on
Rihanna.

Mmm.

To get a girl like that you
gonna have to work, work, work,
work, work.

Well, I'll do that, that, that,
that.

[Laughing]
I know that's right.

Cause she got...

Change the channel.

[Instrumental Music]

Hey, baby. Why you lookin' like
that?

You still worried about, Devin?

Uh, no. I've accepted the fact
that my son is irresponsible.

Devin, loses his keys, drops his
phone in toilets.

But you know, I realized he
will, get over that stage soon.

Oh, then why the long face?

I just want my sister to be
happy.

Lori, seems to make such bad
decisions when it come to men.

I know a guy that works down at
the Zoo,

he can hook her up with one of
them giraffes, maybe.

She likes tall men.

Tony!

I'm serious.

Don't you have any friends you
can hook her up with?

No, look. All my friends are
horrible when comes to dating
women.

Matter of fact, yeah I can hook
her up.

Ok, how bout Donnie?

Donnie?

Yeah.

Look, their names will go
together perfectly.

Like, Brad and Angelina.
Brangelina.

Donnie and Lori. Dori.

Or Lonnie.

Or Delori.

Or Divorced.

For the record, I am just
kidding about hookin' her up
with Donnie.

Matter of fact, leave me out of
it. I do not wanna play Cupid.

Uhh yeah, you're right.

It's best to stay outta grown
folks business.

Night.

Night?

Yeah, I'm going to sleep.

Not before, I get into your
grown folks business.