Original subtitles

[Instrumental Music]

Hey Rachel, what do you think about this shirt?

Ooh, it's incredibly revealing so yeah, I'm into it.

You are such a

- ya I will reserve my comments, okay. - Mm.

What about this one? A little more classy?

- You mean corny. - And bought.

[Audience laughter]

So what, it's gonna be here like next week?

Please! It'll be here in a couple hours.

Welcome to the Jetson's era.

Well what if it doesn't fit?

I'll send it back for free.

[Sighs] Oh I hate the future.

Or is it the present?

Well whatever day and age we're living in, you loose the social experience

of just going to the mall with your sister. Having a

Pretty Woman montage as you try stuff on.

Aren't we having a social experience right now in this kitchen?

Mm. This kitchen needs to experience a future makeover right now.

I heard that Gabrielle non-Union.

Now listen, my kitchen may need a makeover,

but your kitchen could use some dark and lovely.

[Audience laughter]

Alright. I'm gonna let that one slide, Andre 3000 pounds.

Now what's your take on Lisa's new online shopping kick?

I don't know. It depends. Money comin' out of my pocket or hers?

You gonna let him get away with that?

Oh please, don't listen to him.

- He's lucky I let him keep his wallet. - Oh.

Hey, what happened to the money that was inside?

You will get your allowance on Friday, okay?

And I might even buy you some new slippers.

Ha. Cause his talons clawed through the last ones. [Laughter]

Speakin' of birds, why you keep lettin' this bald eagle in my house?

[Audience laughter]

Now look, you can keep me off your little shopping list, okay?

I don't really trust that online shopping. Especially them drones.

Pretty soon they're gonna be delivery drones

zippin' through the air past each other.

Mm. And dependin' on what neighborhood you in, they

could get shot out the sky.

Well what happens if they shoot down your package of razors?

How you gonna shave your mustache?

Wit your widow's peak. That's how I'm gonna shave.

- You wish you could grow a mustache like mine. -Woaw.

- You are so jealous of the hair I grow. - Um, is this a bad time?

Just a typical morning in the Stallworth House.

- [Laughter] Good morning. - Hi.

Okay, so what are you guys doing tonight?

- Oh. I'm gonna see this bad... - Not much. Probably...

- chick. We goin' to a movie. - just chill in the man cave watchin' the TV.

Oh okay, never mind all that. [Overlapping chatter]

- I have news. I'm dressed like this if you're wondering... - Mm hm.

cause I'm seeing my new love Maxwell,

and I would love for you to meet him tonight.

Cool! You have concert tickets and backstage passes?

Cause I don't do them nosebleed seats.

Oh no, no. Not that Maxwell.

Although he does know a woman's worth.

I'm talking about the new man I've been dating.

- Sounds amazing...we would love to! - Yeah?

- Oh good. - Nah, you can count me out.

No Tony, you're gonna love him.

He's a sports agent, and he's taking us to a country club

where he's an exclusive member.

Did I mention, he'll be paying for dinner.

Oh okay, well in that case, count us in.

Next time I'll treat.

No, no, no. Last time you treated we had to split a liquor store pickle.

[Audience laughter]

That was one time.

[Theme Music]

♪ Woke up and my wife said to me ♪

♪ The bill collector's want their fees ♪

♪ Kids keep talkin' back to me ♪

♪ Family Time

♪ Family Time. Family Time. Family Time ♪

♪ Oah ho ho hoa yeah

[Instrumental Music]

[Laughter]

Brother, brother.

Whew! That was the best dinner...

I've had since I don't know, maybe ever.

And a that Jay Z concert

was off the hook.

How come you didn't tell us you

was takin' us to see Jay Z?

[Laughter] Well it wouldn't exactly be a secret show,

if I started blabbin' about it.

- That's true. - Well how did you hear about it?

Well you know, being a sports agent has its perks.

Wait till you guys hear Maxwell sing.

Now weh you sing too, brother?

[Laughter]

Oh no, no, no, no. I'm talkin' about the other Maxwell.

- Oah. - Yeah see, I have box seats to

see him sing at the bowl on Friday.

- Nice. - Oah, sounds like we're

gonna do a little

- somethin' somethin' - Mm somethin' somethin'

[Laughter] You hear that, Cheryl? You

know what? At this point I'm not even surprised by surprises.

I mean everyday it's a new concert or event or

amazing new place to bike ride.

Oh that reminds me, we are going bike riding tomorrow morning

on the beach. I discovered a new bike trail

takes you right to the ocean.

Oh wow. It's so late. I'll be...

- exhausted tomorrow morning. - Oah.

Completely understandable. Lisa? Tony?

Either of you want to join?

Oh no. You know, I, I'm gonna take a rain check because

I'm, I'm just lookin' forward to sleepin' in.

- Mm hm. - I'm down to take a bike ride, my brother.

Na aah! Great. That settles it.

- Yes za. - A, may I use your restroom?

- Oh yeah. Right down the hall...Yeah. - Bam.

- Oah, wow Tony. A bike ride? - Ooh.

Yeah, so?

Yeah, so the last time we rode bikes

- you were complainin' about how the seat flared up hem - [Clears throat]

Look, I'm just sayin' I wanted to try somethin' new.

Okay, okay, so what do we think? He's great, right?

He is amazing!

Okay, [Indistinct]. He's a keeper.

- Oah. - Plus he's a sports agent.

I know he gets tickets to everything.

Okay, Cheryl's dating him, honey.

And don't try and steal him away from me on your bike ride, Tony.

Lisa, ah heh, where did you get those lemongrass

organic soy candles? They smell great!

Thank you Maxwell. I bought them online.

Babe, you need to calm down with that online shopping.

- I'm sayin' - Aff, I love online shopping.

Yeah. I can't wait for those drones to start doing at home deliveries.

Love me some drones. [Laughter]

I was about to get me some of them sugar-free candles myself, but

Lisa beat me to it. She just boom, boom, boom, boom.

[Lisa laughs] She quick on the draw.

[Instrumental music]

And that's why I don't shave.

[Door closes]

Man, is it Christmas?

I just ordered a few things online.

A few? Lisa, you tryin' to make us go broke?

I already got an empty wallet.

Well I'm actually trying to save us money.

For example, an online site had a sale on pillows

and it was actually cheaper per pillow to buy 6

instead of just 2.

Okay, can you stop throwin' money away on throw pillows?

[Audience laughter] I thought they looked nice.

And, got you a few ties.

- Oh alright. - Oh and some sneakers!

Lisa, these are not my size. These are way too big.

- Well, well Donnie, I got you some new sneakers. - [Gasps]

Thanks, Lisa!

Oah. Yo, I'll make 'em fit.

Every size is Donnie size.

Even if I had to crunch my toes into a foot fist.

Well Lisa, you've been in your pajamas all day?

- I thought you were going grocery shopping. - I did.

[Doorbell rings] Oah!

There it is.

Doo duh doo duh doo duh doo.

Hi. Thank you.

Oah.

What?

Was that Kiefer Sutherland?

[Rambling] Why ain't you tip the brother?

I did it online, Tony.

This is the future, honey. Your groceries come straight to your door.

Yeah Tone. Gotta get with the future, man.

They got this app where they got single women,

- right? - Yeah they also have this new app where you can...

make your husband's best friend disappear. Never come back.

[Audience laughter]

So Tony,

How did your bike ride go this morning?

Oh it went great, great, great.

Maxwell has the best sports stories. [Laughter]

He's so funny.

Bike ride?

Maxwell? What the hell is going on?

Yeah, Tony has quite the man crush on Cheryl's new boyfriend.

What the hell are you talkin' about woman?

Ain't nobody got no damn man crush. Look,

can't two brothers be friends without people labeling it?

Well I mean when me and my friends go out I say me and my girlfriends.

Okay, well saying me and my boyfriends sounds a little weird, doesn't it?

I've been your boyfriend for years, Tone.

I'm a boy and I'm your friend.

Shut up, man.

So a, when's your next date with Maxwell?

They are not dates, okay?

[Audience laughter]

You two-timing me? Got your little bromance goin' on?

Wha? Man, we are just friends.

Does he know about Me?

Wha he doesn't need to know about you.

Look, we're goin' out for beers later.

Can I come? You know what? Second thought, I don't wanna come.

I'm gonna find me my own boyfriend

and then you will come crawlin' back to me, but you can't

because I'll be done moved on.

[Audience laughter]

First of all, I'm gonna need you to stop sayin' boyfriend.

[Knocking]

[Tony smirks]

Cheryl, what's wrong?

Oh, everything's alright.

Just came from a lovely brunch with Maxwell.

- Mm...Ooh. - In a hot air balloon.

- Then we went parasailing - Ah ho, nice.

I broke up with him on the way down.

Why?

I mean ah that, that, that's terrible. I'm sorry to hear that, Cheryl.

Tssh, I'm not.

Friend-wrecker.

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

Oh, hey Tony.

What you doin'? I didn't know you were in here.

- What's in the boxes Lisa? - Oh thee, these boxes right here?

- Uh huh. - Nothin'. Just a few little things.

Nothin' much. I like your jacket.

- Is that new? - Yeah. Maxwell gave this to me. You like it?

[Lisa exhales] Well first of all,

why do you care how you look in front of Maxwell?

And second of all, you're accepting gifts from him?

And most importantly, you're actually still gonna hang out with this guy?

Yeah well first of all, because I like to look presentable.

Second of all, a yeah. And third of all, why not?

Because he and Cheryl broke up.

Okay look, me and him didn't break up.

[Audience laughter]

Okay, you know what? We're Cheryl's friends.

We are obviously supposed to take her side.

We are Cheryl's neighbor. Only thing we owe

her is the weed whacker I borrowed 6 years ago.

It ain't my fault if things didn't work out with them

Yeah, but imagine we got divorced and I kept hangin' out with Donnie.

Never happen. He'd always take my side.

- I wouldn't bet on that. - Yeah, you got a point there.

I still think it's weird. Maxwell was only bein' nice to you because

you are a friend of his girlfriend's. Or you were.

- Knock if off...Him and I - No.

have a real connection, okay? It's special.

Y'all have a special connection?

Okay look, remember when we first started dating?

And I started hangin' out with your sister's boyfriends because

I wanted you to like me.

I don't remember that.

Exactly. Cause it never happened.

Oh I see, I see what you did there.

You smart. [Laughter] You so smart.

- Alright well enjoy yourself. Have a good time. - Mm hm. Oh right.

Have a good night. You should probably get going. Enjoy yourself.

What you doin' on that computer?

- You ain't internet shoppin' again is you? - No.

- Ooh. - Hey, what you doin'?

I'm just, I'm readin' an email, Tony.

From who?

Ah this nice Nigerian prince who wants to send me some money.

- ???? I love when that happens.

If you don't mind, let me...give me that.

- Tony! What are you doing? - Now I'm doing this for your own good.

- No! No, no, no, no, no no, no. - Bye Felicia.

[Instrumental Music]

Heh hey Tony, how's it go...? - [Whispering] Sssh. Get in here.

What's goin' on?

Nah nah nah. What's goin' on?

- What's wrong? - I don't know. I don't know. I just a

I don't want any neighbors to hear us hangin' out.

Mm. Are you worried that Cheryl's gonna be upset that we're still friends?

Pssht, no! Why, you think she'll be upset?

No.

Well maybe but actually I really have no idea because

well, I don't know Cheryl that well. We didn't date that long.

Yeah I don't really know here that well either. She just my neighbor or whatever.

I mean, what you and I have

is way more special than what me and Cheryl will ever have.

I feel it's, it's hard to make friends after you're 20.

You know I never had a problem makin' new friends.

- Yeah, me neither. You want a beer? - Sure.

A but um, stay in the living room.

You can see the kitchen from the backyard

and Cheryll's backyard is next to my backyard. It's a whole thing. Just..

[Audience laughter]

So, what's up for tonight?

Hah hah.

- I got us court side tickets for the Lakers. - Whaa? [Laughter]

And Lisa didn't want me hangin' out with you.

- Boy I'll tell you. It's Cheryll!

[Audience laughter]

Oh it's just Donnie.

Just Donnie? Just Donnie? You get you a new friend,

this how you treat your old ones?

[Audience laughter]

Is that him? Get out the way.

Under the blanket. Let me see you!

[Audience laughter]

Hi, I'm Maxwell.

No I know who you are, Maxwell.

Yeah well a I know who you are too, Donnie.

Oah. Oah you heard somethin' about me, huh?

Did he tell you that I'm old news? Did he tell you that I'm his best

friend he doesn't take out anymore? Well let me tell you somethin'

Maxwell, when he's done with you he's gonna throw you out like old news

and come crawlin' back to Donnie.

Look at ya. Wit your nice watch and your perfectly edged up fade.

You're pathetic!

[Audience laughter]

Look, I got an extra ticket court side

for the Lakers tonight if you want to join us?

Let me tell you somethin' man.

You think you can buy me?

Then you are absolutely right. I wanna apologize

[Audience laughter]

for everything that I said, man. I was way outa line and

the fact that you would invite me, I would love to go to the

basketball game with both you and Tony tonight, man. And another thing,

I don't know why Cheryl dumped you, man.

She's not good enough for you, huh.

Any brother who could get court side seats

deserves a different type of woman, okay.

Let me get you somethin' to drink man.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

Hey Lisa, sorry I'm late. Maxwell took me to meet Kuzma after the game.

What the hell is all this?

[Audience laughter] Oh ah Tony,

I think I may have a problem.

Uh, yeah!

What is that sound?

Is that a drone?

[Buzzing]

[Audience laughter]

Is that my package!?

[Instrumental Music]

Wait uh.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

Tony a teh plee...you gotta wake up.

Oh come on, Lisa. I'm tryin' to sleep over here.

Just, just ah I just need my laptop for one minute.

[Groans] Lisa,

we've talked about this.

[Stammering] Yeah, no, no, no. It's not, No, no, no, no. I know. I know. I know.

I don't need to shop.

No I just, I gotta, I gotta pay a bill, Tony. They gonna turn the gas off.

[Audience laughter]

Alright, but I'm watchin' you.

Oah, man I'm exhausted.

Donnie and I hung out with Maxwell pretty late last night.

Why are you always too exhausted for me but you're never too exhausted

for Mr. perfect Maxwell?

What's a matter? You jealous?

Yeah. Honestly I am jealous. And you know what.

- You're not allowed to hang out with him anymore. - Alright.

Well then you're not allowed to internet shop anymore.

Try and stop me!

[Audience laughter]

D'oh. Chu.

Who gonna check me, huh? Who gonna check me?

- Man, give me that. - Ah go, go...

Up you know, that's fine. That's fine.

I'll just cut the service off.

Oh well then I will just go to the library and use one of their computers,

okay?

- Okay you know what? We're getting off-point. - What's the point?

the point is, I'm gonna get me and Maxwell back together.

[Laughter]

Cheryl, Cheryl and Maxwell back together.

Of course not.

[Instrumental Music]

Cheryl, thank you so much for coming over.

Can I get you somethin' to drink?

Oh I'd die for a spritzer.

Okay, we don't have that,

so let's just cut to the chase.

I just wanted to find out how you were doing since your breakup with Maxwell?

So thoughtful of you to ask. You know it has been

really difficult dating since my divorce.

- So, - Right, right, right.

So exactly what is the reason behind you guys breaking up?

- Honestly, [sighs] - Mm hm.

- he's just too active. He does so much I couldn't keep up. - Mm. Mm.

He exhausted me.

- Whew! Tell me about it. That boy got a motor

boy. I was so tired last, last night just

thinkin' about how tiring it would be.

Sure. But no, we ended things amicably. I mean he's a great guy.

Mm. So there's a chance you might get back together?

Uh, no.

Maybe?

Mm, no.

Would you try for me, please?

[Audience laughter]

Why? Haha

- Oh my God, you like him. - Sha Cheryl.

- You do! Oah. - No da pssht, come on now.

There's only so many court side Lakers games you can go to.

Um luh luh listen. The thing is,

as soon as you broke up with him you know, I was like puh, done!

Not good enough for Cheryl, not good enough for me. Kick rocks.

Tony, thank you. It is so sweet of you to support me like this.

- It means a lot. - Oh girl, my pleasure.

- Okay, so how are things with you and Lisa? - Ooh eeh.

Why, what have you heard?

[Audience laughter]

Oh, nothing.

She did ask to borrow my laptop though.

Cheryl,

What?

Lisa has developed quite an addiction.

I'm worried. I don't know what to do. We might end up in the poor house.

Tony, do you know what I love about a friend with an addiction?

- Hm. - Intervention!

Can I lead it? I'm so good at it. What are you doing tonight?

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

[Knocking]

- Lisa, are you expecting a package? - Yeah. Always.

[Audience laughter]

Well I hope you ordered

an intervention.

An intervention. For me?

That's right, Lisa. this online shopping has gotten out of control.

So we're here to tell you that we're right, and you wrong.

Oh no, actually Rachel, interventions are more about showing love and support.

Mm. I'm a stick to right and wrong.

Okay you guys, this is seriously really ridiculous.

Ah yes, I buy too many things but I don't have an actual

- addiction. - I beg to differ.

My cousin was addicted to caffeine and that cost me less

money than you costin' me right now.

Lisa, you buyin' me those shoes is one of the nicest things

anybody's ever done for me.

Even though I caught a foot cramp from that foot fist that I made.

[Audience laughter]

I object to this whole intervention.

[Overlapping dialogue]

Lisa, Rachel has written you a poem describing how she feels.

Rachel,

[Clears throat]

Lisa,

You were my sister!

We used to go shopping.

Now you shop online.

And our relationship is stopping.

[Audience laughter]

And I know somewhere

deep down inside [chokes up]

[Audience laughter]

I still love you!

Mm Aaah [sobbing]

Aaah aah aah ah ah.

Uah.

Oah Rachel, that was just so beautiful.

Thank you.

That was whack. How many ah ah ah's does she have?

[Audience laughter]

Sister and online didn't even rhyme.

First and third lines of a poem don't need to rhyme, dummy.

Are we here to talk about bad poetry,

or are we here to make Lisa stop spendin' my money?

Ah you know what, sometimes addictions are a bandaid covering up pain

Oh Lisa, do you have pain?

You know maybe you're longing for something.

Well you know, Tony and I

haven't been spending as much time together lately.

Watch out. Lisa baby, do you really feel like

I haven't been paying you enough attention?

Tony, yeah.

Lately you've been spending all your tim with Ma...

[Audience laughter]

Many other people.

Okay. Well baby I promise to spend more time with you

as long as you stop spendin' so much time online.

Alright? [Doorbell rings]

Ooh, okay so yeah, yeah if that's a delivery I'm just gonna get that last

- one and then that's gonna be it. - Oah.

- No more. I'll be done after this One. - Ooh.

Hey Tony, you ready to go?

- Ah I thought we were supposed to meet tomorrow night? - Maxwell?

Hey Cheryl,

Okay, I'm busted.

Cheryl, I'm sorry. I've been hangin' out with Maxwell

even though you guys done broken up, okay?

But Donnie hung out with him too.

Hey, don't throw me under the bus. He was your boyfriend first.

[Audience laughter]

Alright you look I'm sorry brother, okay but

[Sighs] I gotta take Cheryl's side on this.

We can't hang out no more, man. I'm sorry.

I understand.

Alright. See y'all.

[Audience Ooh's]

Tony,

you didn't have to do that for me. I mean I don't

care if you and Maxwell hang out.

- Really? - Really.

Cool. Max, hey Max!

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

[Groans]

You know I'm startin' to miss that grocery delivery service.

Oah, you changin' your mind on eh whole online shoppin' thing?

Oh hell, no. We are not goin' back down that rabbit hole.

[Laughter]

Finally, some groceries.

Aw Lisa, look at you. Finally lookin' like yourself again.

- Thank you. You know, I'm just takin' it one day at a time. - That's what's up.

Hey Tone, can I borrow a sports jacket?

What do you need a sports jacket for?

[Sighs]

This little restaurant I'm goin' to...

- got a little dress code. - Whaat?

You got you a little hot date, huh? A little bad one.

A somethin' like that.

I know that's right, player.

What's up, Lisa?

Tony, looking well.

Yo Don, we gotta roll, alright. We got reservations at 7:30.

I told you to wait in the car.

[Under his breath] Get outa here.

Get outa here.

Mm.

How long has this been goin' on?

- Uh oh oh that? Ah ha that's - Mm.

This is not what it looks like, man. This is

exactly what it looks like.

I knew he was the one when he

opened up the car door for me.

[Audience laughter]

Look man, can I just borrow the sports jacket?

Never mind. I'll get it myself.

You got some clean drawers up here?

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]