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1
00:00:00,234 --> 00:00:03,871
[Instrumental music]
2
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:07,108
And with that, Ton' you are
set for the holiday season.
3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,410
All right. Hold on, hold on.
4
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:10,278
Woo!
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:13,114
Boy, I got your line tighter
than Lil Wayne's Skinny Jeans.
6
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:15,349
[Chuckling]
7
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:17,518
Always appreciate
your way with words.
8
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:18,452
My brother.
9
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:19,187
My man.
10
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:19,720
All right.
11
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:21,655
Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Ton', Ton', Ton'.
12
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,625
Look, uh, what's this?
13
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:26,394
That green paper? It's
called money.
14
00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:27,461
I can take it
back if you don't want it.
15
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,130
Oh no, no. I want it man but,
uh,
16
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:32,032
I mean you know you always,
[laughing]
my tip.
17
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,402
Oh yeah, her, here's a tip. Uh,
when
you charge
18
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,537
thirty dollars for
a haircut the tip is built in.
19
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,507
Wow. Cheap ass.
20
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:43,077
Look man, business is a little
slow, so money's a little tight
right now.
21
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,713
Hey Ton', I got a tip for you.
22
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:46,147
Hmm.
23
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,048
Don't ever front on your barber,
man.
24
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,317
You never know what
Rodney could do.
25
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,819
He could slip up and give
you a permanent part.
26
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:52,786
[Chuckling]
27
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:53,254
Check.
28
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,890
Donnie, you're playing
checkers, not chess.
29
00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,226
Okay, well king me.
30
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:02,830
Look man, it's the
holiday season, you know.
31
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:06,234
Money's tight. Gotta buy
gifts and presents, you
know. Christmas shopping.
32
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:06,834
I hear ya, man.
33
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,002
Psh. You still believe
in Christmas, Ton'?
34
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:10,571
Like you don't?
35
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,474
I mean, I like the gifts,
but I mean holidays were
36
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:16,510
just created by "the man"
to get us to spend money.
37
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,647
Think about, man. Christmas, we
gotta buy presents.
38
00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:21,915
Halloween, we gotta buy candy.
39
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,951
Valentine's Day
we gotta buy flowers.
40
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,720
Depending on how many
women you got in life,
that could be expensive.
41
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:30,524
Not to mention Fourth of
July and President's Day,
the list goes on and on.
42
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,760
Nobody spends money
on President's Day.
43
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,128
President's do!
44
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:37,064
They gotta pay for
limousines, helicopters,
45
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,267
they gotta hire Jay-Z to
perform at the White House.
46
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:43,271
I mean, he gotta point,
man. President's do ball
out on President's Day.
47
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:44,104
Everybody know that.
48
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:47,608
Yeah, man. I'm just not trying
to support the whole movement
49
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:50,811
of, of just spending all my
money for this so-called
economy.
50
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,780
Which doesn't exist
in the first place.
51
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,915
You don't think
the economy exists?
52
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,351
It's not real. It's
make-believe, man.
53
00:01:57,385 --> 00:02:00,221
I'll tell you what. You show
me where the economy is on a
map,
54
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:01,855
I'll go there right now.
55
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,224
No, the economy's like this.
56
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,193
I get a cut from Rodney.
57
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,095
Rodney goes and buys a sandwich.
58
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:11,432
Sandwich shop owner makes
enough money to hire me to
construct him a new shop.
59
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:12,466
Money goes 'round and 'round.
60
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,236
So, where's Donnie in
this so-called equation?
61
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,838
Well, Donnie's probably not
going to be in that scenario
62
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,140
because all those people got
jobs and they work.
63
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,810
[Laughing]
64
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,914
* Woke up and my wife said to me
65
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,417
* The bill collectors
won't let me be
66
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,785
* Kids keep talking back to me.
67
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,421
* Family Time
68
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:38,692
* Family Time, Family time,
Family Time
69
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,899
Tony, come to bed.
70
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:46,767
In a minute, Baby.
71
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:51,305
Come to bed and now I'll
make it worth your while?
72
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:53,241
Oh yeah? You got some money
hiding in the mattress?
73
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,475
What? What?
74
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,310
Hey, I'm just saying,
business is business.
75
00:02:56,644 --> 00:03:00,080
Psh. As much as I do around
here, you should be paying me.
76
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,049
Ain't my fault you ain't
worked at a business model.
77
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,784
Oh, okay now.
78
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,686
Tony, what's really going on?
79
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:09,089
Just a little stressed
about money, that's all.
80
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:13,494
Oh! Baby, don't be stressed.
81
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:17,231
I know, I know money is a
little tight right now but
we always work it out.
82
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,699
Yeah, but it's the holidays.
83
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,134
I want my family to feel the
warmth of the holiday season.
84
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,405
Alright well, maybe I get a
part-time job
85
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,375
or I can try
and sell some paintings.
86
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,644
Oh really, okay I know yeah,
87
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:33,581
That might not be a good idea,
it's been awhile seen I tried to
paint.
88
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,649
I don't know, you should hang
out with them little thugs up
the street.
89
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:36,984
It's amazing what they
do with a paint can.
90
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:39,186
Psssh.
91
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,589
Oh you know what, listen
honestly baby,
92
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,824
if me and the kids need to make
some Christmas cutbacks
93
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:45,659
we can, I'm sure they'll
understand.
94
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,296
All right, what'd
you have in mind?
95
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,630
Maybe we won't get a tree.
96
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,064
Oh no. That's just sad.
97
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,733
I've had a tree every
Christmas of my life.
98
00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:55,469
Or we can, you know, chop
down our own and
99
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:58,672
make it like a little family
activity. That's be cute.
100
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,007
You trust Devin with an axe?
101
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,576
Hmm yeah, I don't trust
Devin with a fork.
102
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:05,546
[Chuckling] Have to
change his name to Paul
Cut-Off-Your-Bunions.
103
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,048
[Laughing] -You on a roll, huh?
-Mmm.
104
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,551
Baby, oh, oh, I got it.
105
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,486
Good idea. We do Secret Santa.
106
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:14,655
Ain't no secret I'm
Santa around here.
107
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:18,659
No, Secret Santa! Where
everybody randomly buys one
108
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:21,929
person a gift instead of buying
multiple gifts and wasting all
that money.
109
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,565
Hm. That's actually
not a bad idea.
110
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,401
Yeah. And I have
another good idea.
111
00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:27,968
Huh?
112
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:31,439
Come to bed and
I'll... [Whispering]
113
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,308
Ooh! Go ahead and
jingle my bells, then!
114
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:38,245
[Laughing]
115
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:52,393
[Instrumental music]
116
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,996
[Talking over each other]
117
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:59,166
All righty. So ok, so, listen
heres how Secret Santa, works.
118
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:02,135
It's really simple, you
basically pull a name out of
this hat.
119
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,972
And which ever name you draw is
the
person you get a gift for.
120
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,074
Okay, hold on.
121
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:11,044
Correct me if I'm wrong because
I did fail math last semester.
122
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:14,848
But according to my
calculations, this means I'm
only getting one present.
123
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:19,086
Yeah, I'm with Devin. We're
kids! We should be getting
hundreds of presents.
124
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,490
You'll get hundreds
of presents when you're
making hundreds of dollars.
125
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:23,256
[Laughing]
126
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,659
Now I'm all for this
Secret Santa thing.
I think it'll be fun.
127
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,795
Hm. You're broke, huh, Dad?
128
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,430
I'm not broke, we broke.
129
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,164
Dad, let me borrow
a couple thousand.
130
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,066
What, so I can be broke, too?
131
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,067
Hell no!
132
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:37,471
I'm sad Grandma won't be
here with us for Christmas.
133
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:40,708
Yes, so she can't spend all
that money on them gifts.
134
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:45,145
Well, she's spending all of my
money on a trip to New York to
see some Broadway plays.
135
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,414
How'd you get out of that trip?
136
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,416
Well, she knows I hate plays.
137
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:52,319
Last time we went to New
York, we went to see Cats.
138
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:57,357
But all I remember seeing
was rats. Big ass rats.
139
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:01,729
I'm all for the
whole Secret Santa-y thing,
whatever it's called.
140
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,164
But, um, I couldn't help but
notice that there's one person
141
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,934
here who's not actually a part
of this family.
142
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:13,240
And I'm not pointing fingers but
his name rhymes with Ronnie.
143
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:16,076
And that always rhymes with, not
funny.
144
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:16,777
I'm serious.
145
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:17,778
Yeah, so am I. Man, look
146
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:21,849
I'm more a part of this family
than both of y'all! I'm over
here every single day.
147
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:22,783
And not mention...
148
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:29,657
[Yelling simultaneously]
149
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,259
Enough!
150
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,327
We're all family, okay?
151
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:35,629
So just deal with it.
152
00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:41,068
Lisa's right, y'all.
Family comes first and
family sticks together.
153
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,202
Thank you, Donnie.
154
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:42,903
No problem.
155
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:45,739
Okay, let's get started. Who
wants to go...you wanna go?
156
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:46,840
- Ah, yes.
- All right.
157
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,377
-Got it.
-Got it.
158
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,879
[All talking]
159
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,114
If I could get something cool,
that'd be dope, you know.
160
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,049
Get something new as
far as put on my bike.
161
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,619
Wait a minute. Who is Donnie?
162
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,555
You just heard her say my name.
163
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,056
I'm Donnie, obviously.
164
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,592
Wait a minute. You got Donnie?
165
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,058
Yes.
166
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:05,993
I got Donnie.
167
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,861
Anybody else get Donnie?
168
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,464
[Simultaneously talking]
169
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,500
Donnie, did you stuff the
hat with just your name?
170
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,368
Hey, man, you gotta play to win.
171
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:15,969
Gimme the hat back.
172
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:16,804
This is rigged.
173
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:17,705
We gonna do this again.
174
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,573
All right. This time we're
going to do it for real.
175
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,643
The Stallworth Secret Santa
is going to be officially on.
176
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:28,682
[Instrumental music]
177
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:30,884
Is Lisa out here?
178
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,921
Uh, no. Just your two
favorite sisters-in-law.
179
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:38,258
No, no, no! Don't come
out. We were having such
a nice time without you.
180
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,927
I could y'all asses
out if you prefer.
181
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,361
Please sit down, join us.
182
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:45,499
Now, what I'm about to tell
y'all stays in this room.
183
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,201
We're not in a room,
Dummy. We're outside.
184
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:49,637
You know what I mean.
185
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,371
Who did y'all draw
for Secret Santa?
186
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:55,408
Uh, it's called Secret
Santa, not Tell Tony
Every Damn Thing Santa.
187
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,477
Look, I'm trying to
switch with somebody.
188
00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:00,247
Um, I might be up for a
switcheroo.
189
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,015
I got Darius.
190
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:02,983
What's wrong with Darius?
191
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,685
Oh, he's barely family.
192
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:07,454
He's just some old man who
fathered half a man,
193
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,256
who happened to marry my sister.
194
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,293
Mm. Well, old people are easy.
195
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,095
I mean, just get him like some
applesauce
196
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:19,533
or a walking stick or
some new, shiny old fake teeth.
197
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,368
Hey, hey, hey! That's my
Daddy y'all taking about.
198
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,571
He don't like applesauce.
He prefers oatmeal.
199
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:24,504
Duly noted.
200
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,742
Well, I got Devin and
that's tough for me because
I am not good with kids.
201
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:31,845
I mean, what do I get him? Like
a toy truck? Some Play-Doh?
202
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,513
How old do you think he is?
203
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,616
I just told you, I'm
not good with kids.
204
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,418
All right, well I'm down to
switch with either one of y'all.
205
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:39,052
I drew Lisa.
206
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:39,787
Oh hell no.
207
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:40,688
Mm-mm, mm-mm.
208
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:45,092
Lisa, Lisa is hard to buy a gift
for. She's very particular.
209
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,459
Who you telling?
210
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,295
I've been buying that woman
gifts for twenty years.
211
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:49,597
She can be a little
unappreciative.
212
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:51,832
Hey, hey, hey! Now
that's still our sister.
213
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,400
Yeah, but you know
what, he's right.
214
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:56,136
Because when you get her
something you can tell she don't
like it because she says...
215
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,772
[In unison] Oh. That's nice.
216
00:08:58,806 --> 00:08:59,172
Yeah.
217
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,642
And you can see
on her face she's already
planning to go return it.
218
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,777
Okay, so neither one of y'all
are going to help me out here?
219
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,046
You're on your own, Tony.
220
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:06,680
All right.
221
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:10,217
Just scratch the door
with your paws when you
want to get back inside.
222
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,789
You know what they said in the
old days.
223
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,025
Fellas, fellas!
224
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:19,793
Donnie, are you eating again?
225
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,295
Yeah, I'm hungry, again!
226
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:25,465
You know what, since you're
always at my house eating up my
food, I have a favor to ask.
227
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,600
Anything, Fam.
228
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,301
I need you to switch with
me with Secret Santa.
229
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,203
Anything but that, Fam.
230
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,072
I drew my favorite
person in the family.
231
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,073
Oh, me?
232
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,509
Hell no. Especially not
with the attitude you've
been giving me lately.
233
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:39,179
Dad, what about you?
Will you switch with me?
234
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,347
Absolutely not.
235
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:44,017
I got Ebony and I plan on
hooking my grandbaby up.
236
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,419
Now come on, Dad.
What'll it take?
237
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:47,621
Well, son...
238
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:52,392
It's going to
take a brand-new Cadillac
and an eight-track player.
239
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,097
Dad, that's damn near
impossible. They don't even make
eight-track players no more.
240
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:57,798
And that is precisely my point.
241
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:58,098
[Laughing]
242
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,600
[Darius] Son, back to your swine
eatin'...
243
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:04,171
[Instrumental music]
244
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,275
Uh, ever hear of knocking?
245
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,509
Ever heard of I pay rent?
246
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,311
He got you there, Ebony.
247
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,613
Okay, now I want to talk to
you kids about Secret Santa.
248
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,549
Oh, thank God, we're
calling the whole thing off
and I get all my presents.
249
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,384
Not a chance.
250
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:21,454
I think I'm going to turn
Jewish. I hear they get a
whole eight days of presents.
251
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,456
They also don't have
to work on Saturdays.
252
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:28,261
Oh, word? I think
I'm so in. Shalom.
253
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:31,098
If you live under my
roof you will be doing
chores every Saturday.
254
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,701
Dad, that's religious
persecution.
255
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:34,501
Just listen.
256
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:38,038
I came to see if one of
you guys wanted to trade
with me for Secret Santa.
257
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:38,772
You interested?
258
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:42,042
We may be. We got Aunt Lori and
Aunt Rachel but we don't
know what to get them.
259
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:45,545
All we know about them
is they drink wine and
gossip all the time.
260
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,715
Alright, cool! So, I'll
get a flea collar
261
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,450
for one of them and one
of y'all can have your mother.
262
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,952
[In unison] No! No way.
263
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,921
What's wrong with getting
gifts for your own mother?
264
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,823
What's wrong with getting
gifts for your own wife?
265
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,524
Not just your wife.
Your baby momma.
266
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:58,025
Mm.
267
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,894
Come on now. You know your
mother's hard to get gifts for.
268
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:05,198
Exactly. Even when I was
younger she wasn't impressed
by the macaroni art I made her.
269
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,735
That was this year
for Mother's Day.
270
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,437
Even so, she wasn't impressed.
271
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,706
Give it up, Dad.
We're not trading.
272
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,844
Hey! Brought y'all some egg nog!
273
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:17,377
Hi!
274
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,812
[Talking simultaneously]
275
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:20,848
I'll just take one of these
and I'll be downstairs.
276
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,549
All right. Okay.
277
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,553
Any of y'all want to
trade me for Secret Santa?
278
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:27,120
Who'd you get?
279
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,255
I got your father.
280
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,690
And I have no idea
what to get him.
281
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,359
[Instrumental music]
282
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:43,170
[Instrumental music]
283
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:46,339
Did you not learn anything
about construction from Dad?
284
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,109
These walls will not be able
to withstand an earthquake.
285
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:53,646
Um, this is a gingerbread
house. We are going
to eat the people inside.
286
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:57,484
I think they have bigger
problems than earthquake
proofin' they fake house.
287
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:01,021
Hey, kids. Did either
of you get this big box?
288
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,124
Oh no. That is way
out of my budget.
289
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:04,758
Huh.
290
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,393
Yeah it ain't mine.
291
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,328
You think your father
got it? For me?
292
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:09,729
Check the card.
293
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,131
No, there's no card.
294
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:12,365
Shake it.
295
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:14,835
Not a clue.
296
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,170
Dang, I hope he didn't
get me something amazing.
297
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,772
Did you figure out
what to get him yet?
298
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,573
Figure out what to get who?
299
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,510
Oh! Ah, just the person
I got for Secret Santa.
300
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:26,113
Will you excuse me, for a
second?
301
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,449
What, what the hell is this?
302
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,684
[Gasps] Did your
mother get this for me?
303
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,286
We don't know, Dad.
304
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,388
Now what is going on over here?
305
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,290
That will never
withstand an earthquake.
306
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:39,126
I tried telling him that, Dad.
307
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,027
Let me see here.
308
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,863
Oh, no! Your little
roof fell off.
309
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:46,233
Really, Dad? You're
gonna eat our gingerbread
house before Christmas?
310
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,369
As long as your roof is under
my roof, I'll eat whatever
the hell I damn well please.
311
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,671
Mm, that's some good roof.
312
00:12:53,807 --> 00:13:04,284
[Instrumental music]
313
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:05,418
Hit me!
314
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,788
Donnie, you're
playing Spades, man!
315
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,790
Okay, then I raise.
316
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:13,961
Okay, fellas. I'm gonna need
y'all help on this one.
317
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:18,331
Tony, man! How many times I
gotta tell you? I'm not going
to help you bury a dead body!
318
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,600
That would make me an
accessory after the fact
319
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,003
and you do not know what they do
to guys like me in prison!
320
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:25,405
Please! You ain't even
worth a cigarette.
321
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,074
[Laughter]
322
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:30,944
Look, I think Lisa got me this
big gift for Secret Santa but
I don't know what to get her.
323
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:32,946
Well, wait a minute.
Secret Santa?
324
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,815
That's my game! Y'all playing
Secret Santa without Rodney?
325
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,784
We didn't mean to offend you,
but it's just for the family.
326
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,019
But ain't Donnie playing?
327
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,721
Hey! Donnie was married to
one of Lisa's sisters once.
328
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,058
Hold on, hold on, hold on, Tony.
I don't, I don't understand.
329
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:46,994
Why don't you just
get Lisa a gift?
330
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:50,097
Come on, Dad. You've been
married way longer than I have.
331
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,164
You know how it is.
332
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:54,367
And how do you know what
to get your wife after
all these years, man?
333
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:57,537
Well, it's easy.
You just listen. They'll
tell you what they want.
334
00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,340
What they really want is just
to know that you're listening.
335
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:07,780
Yeah, man. I mean, if I was
married to Lisa, I'd get her one
of those tight leather outfits.
336
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:14,454
With the back out. Some heels.
Nice little whip. Mm. All that.
337
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:15,889
Why? So, she can
dress like your Momma?
338
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,457
Oww!
339
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:20,427
Now you talk about Lisa
like that again, I'm gonna
whip you like Django.
340
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,662
Hey, as long as
the D is silent.
341
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,264
Naw, now check this out playa...
342
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,800
Aw naw, hey man, I fold, I fold.
343
00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:32,239
[Instrumental music]
344
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:36,209
Okay, you didn't ask
but I would like to take
a trip to maybe Cuba.
345
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,744
- That would be nice!
- Or Puerto Rico.
346
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:40,513
Okay, Puerto Rico, can we just
focus on my husband right now?
347
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:44,517
I know if we put our minds
together we can think of the
perfect gift. I know we can!
348
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,519
What kind of wife are you?
349
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:49,822
I mean, I understand
not knowing what to buy
somebody else's husband.
350
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,891
But your own husband, Lisa?
351
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:54,861
What kind of wife am I? I
am a wife. That's what I am.
352
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,763
Can you just, do you
have any suggestions?
353
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:59,132
No! You're his wife!
Shouldn't you know?
354
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,801
Okay, fine. Tony likes sports.
355
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,803
Buy him some sports balls.
356
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,739
Sports balls? Could
you be more specific?
357
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:11,611
That thing, it's like this
big and it is orange and they
go, "Ew, pass it! Pass it!"
358
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:16,049
Whish, whish and then it's
got [babbling incoherently]
359
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,151
Okay, Okay are you talking
about a basketball?
360
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:21,955
Oh, child. I'm so thankful
Tony ain't my husband.
361
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,090
I will drink to that!
362
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,626
Oh, cut it out! You'd be honored
to have Tony as your husband.
363
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,895
Not me. I'm into
chicks, remember?
364
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,132
Well, I'm into dudes, but
I'll take a chick over Tony.
365
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,066
I know that's right.
366
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,501
[Laughing]
367
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,570
Can we just focus! Please?
368
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,074
I think his mom mentioned
something that he
wanted in his childhood.
369
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:41,941
I just can't.
370
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:46,779
Something he was lacking.
Probably a personality. A
neck. A better waistline.
371
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:49,149
Shut up! Shut it up! You gonna
stop talking about my husband.
372
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:49,949
- Okay.
- Today.
373
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:50,583
Fine.
374
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:55,322
Geesh. You know what? I think it
was an astronaut. She said he
wanted to be a little astronaut.
375
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:58,325
Oh, how cute. He could be
like a little Dud Lightyear.
376
00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,426
And you could send
him to the moon!
377
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,727
And leave his ass there!
378
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,329
Yes, leave him there.
379
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:03,263
[Sighs]
[Clears throat]
380
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:04,697
She didn't like that.
381
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,700
We could bring him back
in a couple years, maybe.
382
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,202
After the kids are grown.
383
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:10,570
- Bring him back.
- 30 Years?
384
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:17,010
[Instrumental music]
385
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,845
[Laughing]
386
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,647
That's what I'm saying.
387
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:21,114
All right-
388
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:22,415
[Laughing]
389
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:23,583
Not even on Christmas, Dad?
390
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,018
- Not even on Christmas.
- Okay.
391
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,419
I'm beginning to
like you, Darius.
392
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:27,020
Ah.
393
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:30,490
Ho, ho!
394
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,726
Donnie, uh, isn't it
supposed to be Ho, Ho, Ho?
395
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,728
Oh, it is, but I was
talking to Lori and Rachel.
396
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:36,863
[Laughing]
397
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:37,430
That's a good one.
398
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:41,034
I didn't know we were
having Christmas pig for dinner.
399
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,403
Right. All he needs now is
an apple stuffed in his big ass
mouth.
400
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,272
[Laughing]
401
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,074
Whatever, Rocky and Hoodwinkle.
402
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,343
Tony, can I used your bathroom,
brother?
403
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,711
Yeah, you know where it is.
404
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,846
Cool. Hey Rachel, you wanna
help me get out of my costume?
405
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,515
Maybe I could help you
take your mustache.
406
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:57,016
Oh!
407
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,518
Don't start with me Saint Thick.
408
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:05,492
Oh good! Everybody's
finally here.
409
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,860
So, I think we should
start with Secret Santa.
410
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:10,130
Yeah? Anybody want to go first?
411
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,332
We got Aunt Lori
and Aunt Rachel.
412
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,200
Oh!
413
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:16,603
Here you go.
414
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,405
-Merry Christmas.
-Thank you.
415
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:22,109
Wine! How did you know
that's what we wanted?
416
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,677
I mean because all you do
is drink wine and gossip.
417
00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:26,313
Oh, stop!
418
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:30,217
How sweet of you to
notice, my babies!
419
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,184
She's so dramatic.
420
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,154
Wait a second. How
did you kids get wine?
421
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,122
From the kitchen.
422
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:35,988
Mm.
423
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:37,924
All right, well.
424
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,794
Devin, I drew your name
so, Merry Christmas.
425
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,266
A coloring book?
426
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,201
How old do you think I am?
427
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,002
I'm not good with kids!
428
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:51,138
Apparently!
429
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:52,405
You're welcome.
430
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,311
Darius, this is for you.
431
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,147
You just got that from the kids.
432
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,382
It's called re-gifting.
Do you want it or not?
433
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,351
I want it!
434
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,753
Merry Christmas, Greedy Gut!
435
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:10,623
Let me get a swig of that!
436
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:15,995
Come on, man! You don't
even suppose to drink no
more, man! Prune juice!
437
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,900
Well, I have my darling Ebony.
438
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,173
Here you go, my dear.
439
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:29,642
One hundred.
440
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:30,143
Oh!
441
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:31,844
I'll give it to her.
442
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:34,614
I'm going to trade
you the coloring book.
443
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:35,448
No!
444
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,484
Thank you, Grandpa!
445
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:41,254
Wait a minute. You were so
excited to get her a gift and
all you got her was cash?
446
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,991
Well, all these kids want from
their grandparents is money.
447
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,594
Hell, that's all their
grandmother wants.
448
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,363
See? You just got to listen.
449
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:52,232
Hmm. And I did just that.
450
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,701
Lisa, this is for you.
451
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:55,968
Oh.
452
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,638
You mentioned how much you
wanted to get back into
453
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,241
painting, so that's a little
something to get you
started back.
454
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:06,846
Thank you! Baby! Oh,
this is so sweet!
455
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,248
Thank you, Tony!
456
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:08,848
Mm hm.
457
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:10,082
I love it!
458
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:13,085
And I actually, I drew you, too.
459
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:13,686
Oh, okay.
460
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,523
And I really didn't know what to
get you but I spoke to your mom
461
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:20,360
and she told me that you
wanted to be an astronaut
when you were little.
462
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:21,761
Ha, Ha!
463
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:24,431
An astronaut? Whack!
464
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:27,734
Shut your ass up. You, your
big ass wanted to be a jockey.
465
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,870
Yeah, after I saw Seabiscuit,
who wouldn't want to?
466
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:31,704
Okay.
467
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:37,076
All right. Anyway. I can't
quite send you to space, but
I can send you space camp!
468
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:40,547
That is actually very cool.
Thank you, beautiful!
469
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,148
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.
470
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,383
Muahm.
471
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:43,916
Really?!
472
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,819
What? I'm just...it's
holiday. She looks like
Santa Claus anyway!
473
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:47,754
[Instrumental music]
474
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:56,162
[Instrumental music]
475
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:59,332
Whew. Great. Now we
don't have to do that
again for another year.
476
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:03,603
Wait, if we exchanged all the
gifts, who's this big box for?
477
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:06,005
Ah! That's for me!
478
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,341
I told you I drew
my favorite person.
479
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:08,941
Me!
480
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:10,710
Oh, goodness.
481
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,285
Ah, just what I wanted!
482
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:19,886
Ribs!
483
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:20,587
Oh!
484
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:21,821
Ew!
485
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,356
How long have those
been in there?
486
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,692
Don't worry about that, girl.
They're aged to perfection.
487
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:29,228
Mm.
488
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,298
Mm hm.
489
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,165
Rib jerky.
490
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:34,634
Y'all want some?
491
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,368
No, thank you.
492
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:36,235
I'm gonna share.
493
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,304
Close the lid. Please.
494
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,271
- It's Christmas, man.
- Please.
37929
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