Original subtitles

[Lisa] Tony!

Tony! I need you!

Man Lisa, calm down, now. It's a little too early to be getting freaky.

You gon' get up there on the counter where we eat? You nasty.

Tony, I think I saw something.

What, what? A little spider or something?

No, I really think it was a mouse!

I don't know where it went, but I think it went...

[Laughter]

Really?

- What? - Really, Tony?

I know your grown ass ain't scared of no little mouse.

I ain't the only grown ass up on this counter, Lisa.

But don't worry. I'll handle it.

Could you um...

What? You want me to grab the broom?

No, no, no. Hand me the phone. I'm going to call an exterminator.

So they can over-charge us?

No, come on, Tony. Please. Just be a man! Handle it!

[Scoffs] Tell me twice. Be a man. I got this.

Oh! There it is!

What? Where, where where?!

* Woke up and my wife said to me

* The bill collectors won't let me be

* Kids keep talking back to me

* Family Time

* Family Time, Family Time, Family Time

[Instrumental music]

[Laughing]

Man, what is so funny?

You! Scared of a pit bull, I get. Freddy Kruger, a strong maybe.

Candyman, definitely!

But a mouse? That's hilarious. You a grown man.

[Laughing]

Well you don't what type of diseases mice carry.

And this wasn't no ordinary mouse.

I think I saw him lift up the refrigerator.

[Laughter]

You putting a lot on it, Ton'.

Hey, did you know that mice can flatten their backs and slide through cracks?

Miniature mutants.

Hey, this is no laughing matter!

When I was a kid, I had a pet mouse named Rufus.

Rufus?

Don't interrupt me. You want to hear the story or not?

Not really.

Okay, so one night, I was making him a cheese sandwich, right?

I gave it to him and then I tried to take it back

to add a little Dijon mustard, and he bit me!

Maybe he just liked regular mustard.

Shut up, Donnie.

Look, man. I got a plan to solve your problems, all right? Hold tight.

We...

are going to make the Von Trapp Mouse Trap 3.0.

We building a mousetrap or a rocket ship?

Do you want Lisa nibbling on your toes tonight, or that mouse?

Second thought, don't answer that. I've seen your toes.

You're about to see my whole foot.

You know what? I'll get the bucket, the wood and the saw?

What are we doing? Cutting him in half?

Look man, if the plans call for a saw, then we get the saw, alright?

I still gotta get the formaldehyde, the auto oil,

the mongoose hair, and the limburger cheese!

Speaking of which, I'm kinda getting a little hungry.

Could you make me a Rufus special? Extra Honey Dijon?

[Instrumental music]

- Mom! - Oh!

What's wrong with you? You act like you've seen a mouse.

A mouse? I didn't, I didn't see a, I didn't see a mouse.

What, did, did you see a mouse? You saw a mouse?

No, I didn't see a mouse. But my social life is over.

Okay, okay. All right. Don't be so dramatic, girl.

You're talking.

Mom, I'm gonna have to transfer schools, better yet, just home school me.

What happened?

Our cheerleading coach quit. Can you believe it?

Super Fierce Fiona?

You know, she almost made it to through the first round of "So You Wish You Could Dance."

I know. She said something about she's moving, getting married, blah, blah, blah.

She's so selfish.

Oh, my goodness! Run that chick out of town!

How dare she have a life!

Right?

[Laughing]

The drama. My little drama queen. Listen, you're the Captain.

You're gonna have to fix it.

Or, I could move to Zimbabwe.

The schools there could possibly suit my lack of educational needs and social expectations.

Mm, they'll find you. They have the internet, even in Africa.

You're just going to have to step up, honey.

I know.

Take charge.

I know.

Fix it.

Wait, you're the mom. I need you to fix it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey now.

You can't just run away from your problems.

I know. That's why I'm going to book a flight and fly away.

Can I use your air miles?

[Laughing] you know what? That won't be necessary.

I have an idea.

Mom, I forgot you were a cheerleader!

Oh, I wasn't just any old cheerleader, okay? I was on my way to being a Laker Girl.

But my father wasn't having it.

This is great! You can save us. You can be our new coach.

What? Me?

No. What, no.

Yes, you please.

Oh, I couldn't.

No, Ebony. I mean, it's just, it's just been so long, you know. I just, I just couldn't.

- Mom! - Okay, I'll do it.

But I have to have you know that you know it's been a while

since I've used my pompoms. Might be a little rusty.

It's either you or my science teacher Miss Caveletti.

She's seventy-six and she only has one leg.

A high kick could end her.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, I, I'll do my best, okay?

Thanks, Mom. I can't wait to tell the girls.

Mwah.

[Sighs]

Yes!

[Giggles]

All right, Ladies!

We're back!

[Instrumental music]

Okay, now the goggles I understand because they

go for the eyes. But why do you have on ear muffs?

Huh?

I said why do you have on ear muffs?

Huh? [Laughter]

Look man, I can't hear you. I got my ear muffs on.

Will you take those damn things off, please?

All right, all right.

Now let's catch this mouse.

Uh, to catch a mouse you gotta think like a mouse.

What the hell are you doing?

Catch a mouse, you think like a mouse, Ton', okay?

Now mice love peanut butter, all right?

So, we're going to need some bread and uh some jelly. Preferably grape.

Could you stay focused, please?

Please?

Now come on man, I think I saw him in the living room.

Uh, y-you know what?

How about this. I think we should split up, alright? Just like on Scooby Doo. Rght?

So you go in the living room, I'ma chill here, just in case he comes back this way.

- Good plan. - Perfect.

Wait a minute!

Huh?

You don't want to go in the living room because you scared, huh?

Like a brother headed to the clinic.

Look man, do you know how dangerous, I mean diseases mice carry?

They could flatten their backs, they turn into rats.

Then they get hooked on crack and they evolve into possums.

They can't fool me, because I know how it all started.

See, and now we're on the same page.

We must no longer live in fear of these little four-legged invaders.

Look, how long must we endure the pain and suffering of being violated?

How long? Not long.

How long should we live in fear of their little beady

eyes all up in our face and all up in our space?

How long? Not long.

It's time for us to mobilize.

Mm hm.

Tranquilize.

[Signing] Wow.

And neutralize that devil cause he ain't welcome here.

He ain't welcome here!

I am not going to let him run us out of our house with his little ratatouille self. Nuh uh.

Listen now, do you feel me?

I feel you!

My brother, do you feel me?

Brother, I feel you.

Then let's get to work.

Let's do it. [Squeaking]

- Oh! - Right there, wait a minute!

[Both shouting]

[Instrumental Music]

Devin, for the fourth time, no you cannot be staying another night at Nick's house.

No, we haven't caught the mouse yet.

Okay, when we do you're coming right home.

Scared ass.

Uh, Ton... whoa, what the hell is that?

This is the Van Trapp 3.0.

Oh, I love trap music.

Girl, cut it out. I ain't raising no trap queen.

Keep it up, you're going to get trapped under the stairs.

So, uh, how was practice?

Fantastic! They loved Mom. She was great.

Gave us a few tips on our cheers.

Helped amp up their style.

Showed Charlene how to get rid of all that back acne.

You know a little apple cider vinegar fixes everything.

Oh yeah. It worked on you.

Come on, Lisa. Your back looked like stucco when we met.

Oh!

I'm going to go work on these new cheers I came up with.

You mean the cheers I came up with?

I mean, you know, no offense, what y'all came up

with it was cute but now that I put my little stank on it,

it went from cute to fabulous!

Uh, you definitely put your stink on it.

I'm going to go do my homework now.

Oh, you know, make sure you stretch, baby!

You were a little stiff today.

Lisa, you're not getting a little overly involved, are you?

Why would you say that?

Come on now.

You know how you like to take over.

Oh! Excuse me! Are you calling me controlling?

Mm more like bossy.

What?

Come on, let's keep it real. You know you get a

bit aggressive and you turn into a little bit of a control freak.

Okay, you know, I kinda resent that, but I'll admit you know,

I was a little passionate when I was Captain of the cheerleading squad.

But, I was just trying to pull that same passion out of Ebony.

Hm. Okay, I mean I could see if it was a real sport.

But it's just you know, you do, what'd you do a couple

little flip kicks, a couple toe touch jump thingies?

When was the last time you touched your toes, Tony?

Well, I don't plan on going to prison anytime soon so it's not really an issue.

Oh, well I'll have you know that my full layout twist was precise.

My roundabout, perfection.

And my everything else, flawless.

Huh. And I've never, I've never done a little flip kick, toe touch thingy. Ever.

And neither will these girls, Tony.

Lisa, you do know that they're just kids, right?

Oh yeah. I know. They're just kids.

Aww! Stop whining like a bunch of a kids!

But Mom, we are kids and we can't...

Can't?

Can't?

There's no such word as can't.

Mom, I'm pretty certain can't is a word.

Not on my field.

Mom, no one could do the rock-a-bye baby.

It's one of the hardest dismounts.

No one in our region has done this since...

Since me! Okay, it was 1996, State Finals.

First place.

Any questions?

You really did the Rock-a-bye Baby?

Oh, I put the bye in Rock-a-bye Baby, okay?

And by the time I'm done with you ladies, you will, too.

They'll be making a movie about us.

But instead of "Bring It On," it'll be called "It's All Ready Been Brought."

Now time to work.

In formation!

You want to be on this squad?

[In Unison] Yes, Ma'am.

I said you want to be on this squad?

[In Unison] Yes, Ma'am.

Then you gotta give me your best.

I said you gotta give me your best!

And what's that?

[In Unison] Better than the rest.

I can't hear you!

[In Unison] Better than the rest!

Your damn right!

To the left. To the right.

To the left. To the right.

Come on.

Okay, all right. On down. Here we go.

Chin.

Nice, nice.

Arm out, not up. You ain't no superhero.

We here to cheer!

Now stop!

Hammer time!

Y'all to young for that. Okay, never mind.

To the left! Arm out. Ooh!

I know you ain't gettin' no attitude with me, little girl.

- Chin up! - But mom!

But, but, but, but, but. Turn around.

Yeah.

Looking good, ladies!

[Whistling blowing]

At ease.

[Instrumental music]

Oh!

What the hell is wrong with you? Get in here.

Not until you tell me our little friend has kicked rocks.

Did we catch him?

Hell no.

This old Van Trapp 3.0 is a piece of crap.

Now come in here and help me seal some of...

I need new friends.

Yeah! Good job, baby. Good job, Ebony.

You know, next time just, just clear a little higher.

You know, sky's the limit.

Literally. You could reach the starts-

Hey, hey, hey. What happened to her?

And if you went to the emergency room, did you use

your cousin's name so she can cover the deductible?

Oh, she's fine. Just working hard.

You know, that's what we cheerleaders do.

Seeing those girls cry and sweat and moan and nearly vomit,

it just... really took me back to my glory days.

You ain't working them girls too hard, are you, Lisa?

They want fame.

Fame costs.

Okay, Debbie Allen. I think they just want to cheer.

Debbie Allen! You just gave me a great idea, baby!

Riverdance meets Alvin Ailey.

They ain't ready. They. Ain't. Ready. Whew!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Baby, that Van Dam contraption is still in there.

Oh yeah, yeah. That's just in case we haven't quite caught

it all the way yet. But you're good. You're good. Go on.

- I'm good? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Sure. mm-hmm. - Go in there? Okay.

All right.

Pst.

Is the coast clear?

What, the mouse?

No! Mom!

Yeah, she's in the kitchen.

What happened to you? You're limping like Nancy Kerrigan.

Well, if I'm Nancy Kerrigan then you're wife's Tonya Harding.

Wait, how do you even know who those people are?

The internet.

I can't take anymore, Daddy. She's like The Rock with a weave.

Come on now, you've got to be exaggerating a little bit.

No, she's trying to kill us.

And now they want to kill me.

Dad, please help us!

I'm sorry, baby girl.

I've learned. When you're Momma's on one, stand clear.

You'll be all right. Just talk to her. She'll understand.

You are absolutely no help.

And if you see Mom, you did not see me.

- Hey, babe. - Hmm?

You seen Ebony?

Yeah, she went down the hall.

Oh, okay.

Ebony! Ebony!

[Whistle blowing]

That's so brilliant.

Hey, Mom.

Hey sweetie.

Can we talk?

Oh, you know what, can it wait? I'm writing a new cheer for our squad.

I'm thinking, you know it's gotta have attitude, somewhat attitude, but still classy.

You know, like NWA meets Maya Angelou. Rhythm and Rhyme.

What do you think?

I think our cheers are fine. I mean, I helped write most of them.

Oh, I know, I know. And they're good.

They're good. But they could be, they could be better, you know. Stronger.

Mom, I don't think you should drop me off for practice tomorrow. Or pick me up.

Or stay there in between the time of dropping me off and picking me up.

You understand? Great. Good night.

Hold on, wait a minute!

Are you, are you firing me?

Firing is such an ugly word. It's more like you're being let go.

Good night.

Wait, no! You can't fire me. Your squad needs me.

You need me.

Oh, I beg to differ.

They'll be fine. Because they have me.

Their Captain.

I will give them their rhyme. And we already got the rhythm.

So now it's my time to shine.

Good night.

You'll come crawling back!

You'll see! You think you bad? You ain't bad! You ain't nothing!

[Instrumental Music]

Okay, Lisa calm down, calm down.

Now, explain to me again what happened?

Were you not listening to me?

She said something about rhythm and pride.

And oh, it's my time to shine, rhythm and rhyme.

She's so... cocky. So prideful. So snide. So just...

You.

Uh, what do you mean?

Uh, translation. Give me a Y! Y! Give me a O! O! Give me a U! U!

What's that spell? Your ass!

Me?

I'm nothing like that.

Yeah, yeah. Sure, you're not. Sure, you're not.

Look, I hate to say I told you so, Lisa, but uh...

Give me a T! T! Now bring that O! O!

Okay, okay. All right.

I was only trying to help.

You know, never mind. Never mind what I did.

Did you get rid of our little houseguest? Or should I say mouse guest?

Don't try to switch this up on me.

This is about you.

I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

And as a mother, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Yeah, doing too much.

Tony, I was just trying to help. I want to bring out the best in Ebony.

I know, baby. But sometimes parents go overboard.

Well, yeah you should know, Joe Jackson.

The reason our son wants nothing to do with sports to this day.

Look, I'm just trying to bring out the best. That's what Daddy's do.

That's what Kobe's daddy did. That's what Tiger Woods daddy did.

That's what Venus and Serena... okay I see your point.

I see your point.

I need to take a walk. I need to clear my head.

I guess I messed up.

I'm sorry, could you say that a little bit louder, but use your cheerleading voice.

[Laughter]

Now leave me alone, lone!

So I can go back to sleep, sleep!

[Instrumental music]

[Knocking]

Can I come in?

Yeah. I want to apologize. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Oh, no baby. I am sorry.

I really am. I think I probably went a little too far.

I really did. And I just...

I didn't want to get in your way. That wasn't what I was trying to do.

[Sighs] Mom, I know I'm not the championship cheerleading captain you were...

Yet. Yet. But you will be.

Okay? You can be.

If I want to be, that's my choice. Not yours.

Okay. You're right.

I guess, I don't know, your dad mentioned something about how

people only saw us as cute faces and little skirts and it just...

sparked the competitor in me again.

Mom, that's, that's cool and everything but I do it for fun.

I asked you to be a part so we can have fun.

I didn't need some super-revenge captain. I just needed my mom.

I hear you, baby.

Well, I just want you to know, you always have me, okay?

You always have my support. And my love. I love you, okay?

You forgive me?

[Giggling]

Yes, I was thinking maybe I can come back, talk to you and the girls.

You know, tone down the workouts a little bit...

No need.

Fierce Fiona heard what happened and postponed her plans to the end of the school year.

Oh. Uh huh. She heard how good I was and she got a little jealous, didn't she?

Oh no.

Just a little jealous.

She heard how crazy you were and didn't want the school to get sued.

Lisa, I got it!

I got that little Speedy Gonzalez right here in this bag!

Tony! Come on, get rid of that!

Oh, I'm gonna get rid of it.

Where'd we put the hammer?

No, Daddy! You can't kill it!

Yeah, no, yeah, no, no. You can't kill it!

You were the main one talking about...

Get rid of it!

I want it to live, I just don't want it to live in here!

Oh, I thought you meant get rid of it like in the gangster movies get rid of it.

Not quite.

Okay. All right.

I'll release it across the street in the little field over there.

Mm hm.

Lucky you got some friends. You was about to get your back flattened for real.

Oh! It's going for my eyes! [Squeaking]

[Instrumental music]

[Instrumental music]

Man, we were standing face-to-face.

He ain't flinch. I ain't flinch.

So I said, "Go ahead, Jerry. Make your next move your best move."

And that's when you killed him, right?

Not exactly. See, he lunged at me and I jumped out the way

and knocked over the trash can and he just ran in the bag.

Can you believe that?

In the bag. Okay, so that's when you killed him, right?

No, man. I can't even lie.

I went outside to let him go into the field, opened

up the bag, he ran out in the middle of the street.

He looked at me. I looked back at him.

And then wham! A minivan took him out.

Donnie, are you crying?

Ah, yeah. Um, I just get caught in the moment sometimes, man.

Something about that sad thing that just get me right there, man.

Um...

[Squeaking]

Ton', did you see that?

- See what? - Another mouse, man!

Say what?

Oh, hell naw!

His homies are back for revenge!

Lisa! Bring the broom! It's your turn!

[Instrumental music]