Original subtitles

[Instrumental music]

[Knocking]

Oh. [Clears throat]

Who's that knocking at Frankenstein's door? Argh!

[Screaming]

Wait, wa, wa, I was just kidding.

Come get some candy.

-Tony -Damn

Are you scaring away the trick-or-treaters again?

Look it's Halloween! I was just trying to stay in character.

Let me show you how it's done, Mister Stallworth.

- Okay. - M-kay.

[Knocking]

Hello. Happy Halloween. Would you like... Oh!

I see you, Batman, Captain America, Thor.

Would you like some candy?

We can do this one of two ways.

Either you give up the candy or we're taking,

-Oh! -the candy.

Weh! Is that a threat, sounds like a threat.

We don't make threats. We make promises.

[In unison] Yeah. Promises.

Ok, well, well, candy, candy it is.

Here you go. that, that, my bowl, ok.

Oh!

[Chuckling]

Did you just get jacked by the Jaden Smith gang?

What was I supposed to do, Tony?

It was three against one.

That was scary.

You fold under pressure.

A little bit.

Allow me. [Clears throat]

Trick or treat.

Ain't you a little too old to be trick-or-treating?

Naw, I'm still a minor.

Minor what? Minor leagues?

Where's your costume? What are you dressed as?

I'm a basketball player.

Where's your jersey.

It's off-season, man.

Give me some candy.

Oh.

Give me that candy.

Brah, that's all we got.

What about that sandwich?

Y'all ain't got no mayonnaise?

Old Blake Giffin looking.

Oh, he's coming back.

[Screaming] No! Tony! Tony!

[Family Time theme song] * Woke up and my wife said to me

* The bill collectors won't let me be

* The kids keep talkin' back to me

* Family time

* Family time, family time, family time

[Instrumental music]

[Tony] Come on, kids. Are you ready?

[Howling]

I was born ready.

Oh wow, Devin. I haven't seen you this excited for anything.

Like, ever.

Uh, Mom. This isn't anything. Dad's client throws the best Halloween party in the world.

Okay, I don't know about the best. It's all right.

All right? He's got gourmet appetizers, full buffet, and an open bar.

He has a haunted house and inside that haunted house is a bounce house.

So, when the monsters jump at you, you can just jump back.

Oh, okay, okay. I guess his parties are pretty cool.

Pretty cool? He holds the world's greatest costume contest.

Mm hm.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Girl, what are you dressed as? You look like a whole lot of

trouble if you don't go upstairs and change.

Dad, I'm dressed as Nicki Minaj.

The hell you are!

You better get that big fake booty back up them steps.

No daughter of mine's walking out of the house looking like that.

Oh my God. Seriously, Dad? I'm trying to win the costume contest.

Come on, Tony. It's fine. It's Halloween. Everybody dresses up as celebrities.

Oh, remember when that guy dressed up as Flava Flav

last year and he won for ugliest costume?

[Laughing]

Mom, I think that was the real Flava Flav.

Really?

Yes!

Okay, okay. I guess his parties are pretty popping.

As soon as everybody gets here we can go.

Why can't we just go right now so we don't be late.

We won't be late. It's only... three fifteen?

That can't be right.

Yeah, it's eight p.m.

Wait, okay I just bought this at the garage sale a week ago.

Well, you know how garage sales are.

Sometimes you find a diamond in the rough and sometimes you find

a piece of crap clock that don't work.

My... there, there's a crack in my clock.

Somebody glued it back together. Somebody broke my clock and then glued it.

Come on, Lisa. Who would do that?

I'm sure you didn't notice the crack when you bought it.

No, no, Tony. I specifically examined it before I bought it.

One of you broke my clock.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, look, Mom. I have been accused of a lot of things I've done in this world.

And yes, I did do a lot of them.

But ain't never touched your clock.

Yeah Mom, you're tripping.

- Oh, I'm tripping? - Yes.

I'm tripping, no y'all are tripping. Who broke my clock?

Why one of us got to be public enemy number one?

Look, it's just a stupid clock. And why you tripping anyway?

You probably paid about twenty dollars for it.

It's not about the money, Tony, okay? It's the principle.

Now someone accidentally broke my clock ok fine, I'm ok

with that. It's the cover-up that's the problem.

Look, can we talk about this another time? You're killing my Halloween vibe.

Oh, how's this for killing your Halloween vibe? We don't leave

here or go to any kind of party until we get to the bottom of this!

[All sigh]

[Instrumental music]

[Instrumental music]

Which one of you broke the clock?

[All naming each other]

Maybe the dog broke it.

We don't have a dog, Devin.

Well, maybe he ran away because he was so ashamed of breaking the clock.

If a dog broke the clock, how would he glue it back together?

Maybe the cat glued it back together?

Okay, if you don't want to tell me the truth I will just figure it out myself.

Can't we figure it out at the party while we stuff our

face and our pockets with them appetizers?

Clue number one! Why does the clock say three fifteen, huh?

Because it's broken! Case closed.

It says three fifteen because that is the time it was broken.

I bought the clock last Sunday, so I want to know what each and

every one of you was doing every single day this week at three fifteen!

Well, that's simple. I was at work every single day, including today.

That's a little suspicious. Today is Saturday. You work on Saturdays, Dad?

You eat on Saturday's, don't you?

Look, I love my wife and I love my family. I just want to go to this party.

What were you doing kids?

We were headed home from school every day.

[Laughing] Not today. I want to know what you were doing today.

See, I was studying for a test...

I want the truth, Ebony.

Okay, I was watching t.v. then Devin had walked in and...

[Harp music]

Hey, Ebony, you busy?

Obviously, I'm watching t.v.

Girl, it's a stupid commercial.

And I'm watching it! Maybe I'm in the market to buy a new car.

Girl, now you're driving me crazy.

No, I'm serious.

Okay, fine. What's up.

All right, so I kinda like this girl.

[Laughing] Oh, thank you, but I'm not interested, I'm your sister.

Gross, shut up! Anyway.

I can't tell if she likes me back. I mean, she flirts with me

but she's never liked a single Funstagram picture I've posted.

She's never even liked one? Ouch, that's harsh.

So, does that mean she don't like me or...

Well, it depends. Maybe your pictures are just whack. Let me see 'em.

Oh! Oh, yeah. These are terrible. The lighting, the angles...

Well, how about you take a selfie of me then?

It's called a selfie, not a help-me, so help yourself.

Okay, mistake number one. You never want to have a selfie looking up at you.

You always want it looking down.

Okay, mistake number two is your back lit.

-Let me fix that, okay. -Girl...

Okay, mistake number three, you're making a duck face.

I'm trying to look cool.

You do not look cool. You look constipated.

Why don't you just look normal? Act like you don't even know a picture of you is being taken.

Fine.

Okay. Okay, now this is a decent selfie.

Throw a couple filters on it.

Thank you.

Ok actually no, just throw your phone away.

Oh, you get on my nerves.

Just saying.

And then she liked it.

See, I told you.

Let me see that selfie.

Oh, you posted it at three fifteen..

Kids, your story checks out. You're off the hook.

Thank you.

So, can we go now?

Not until I solve this.

Now my main suspect is YOU, Tony Stallworth.

Lisa, I already told you, I was at work every day this week.

Oh yeah, you were at work at three fifteen p.m.

But this clock could have been broken at three fifteen a.m.

So, what were you doing every night at three fifteen, Tony?

Hm?

Hm. That's a good one. Let me think about it.

Uh, sleeping!

Do you have any witnesses that can corroborate this story?

Hm. Uh, yeah. You!

Well, if I was sleeping how do I know that you were really asleep?

Really, Lisa?

Really. Okay, okay. Fair enough.

I'm being a bit ridiculous. But I do remember you waking up and slithering out of bed, Tony.

Where were you creeping off to, huh?

All right. First of all, if we was up at three fifteen we'd be breaking more than clocks.

Okay, so I went downstairs to get a late-night snack.

[Harp music]

[Knocking]

Who the hell is at my door at this time of night?

Du, Donnie, what are you doing coming over here in the middle of the night?

Was you asleep? Hey man, anything after midnight is technically morning, okay?

Rise and shine.

What do you want?

Man, you wouldn't believe this, but I ran out of gas.

Again.

I know! I thought I knew my car.

Once I get to red usually I got fifteen more miles.

Man, I cannot wait until I get into the future and get a self-driving car.

I can't wait to get into the future so I can have a robot for a

friend and program him not to come over here in the middle of the night.

Matter of fact, not ever.

Hey, speaking of robos, man, maybe we can get some robo girls, you know what I mean?

Get a little R2 double D2. [Chuckling]

Yeah man, virtual reality is getting real.

And speaking of which, can you uh, give me a ride back to the house?

Absolutely not.

Come on, man. Can I at least get a snack?

No man, that's my cereal.

Did you eat out of it?

Yes.

You know what? I'm going to call you a Goober.

Mm. There you go. One will be here in ten minutes.

Lock up on your way out.

All right, cool. Burn them pajamas.

Also, find out what Lisa's wearing.

Oh, and wax that chest hair. You making me want tacos.

And then I went right back to sleep.

Interesting. Let me see your Goober app.

Don't be looking through my phone.

And why not?

Huh. Okay. You did take a Goober.

On Tuesday night and it went from here to Donnie's place.

Interesting. Your story checks out.

Case closed. Nobody broke your clock.

Can we go now, Mom?

This just doesn't make sense.

[Knocking]

No, you should be the one to change because I decided on this costume weeks ago.

Weeks? Please. I bought this outfit last Halloween.

Then you should have wore it last Halloween.

No! I changed my mind...

- Then change your outfit. - No, you change-

Okay, wait, wait, wait, hold up, hold up, hold up.

Both of y'all are genies? Does that mean I get six wishes?

I wish you'd shut the hell up.

I wish you had a man that lived far, far away.

I wish you wasn't a man and lived even farther away.

And I wish you would go put on a costume.

Look, I got a wish.

Mmmm. Damn, you're still here.

I wish y'all would stop tripping so we could go to this party.

Lisa, would you tell Lori that she needs to change?

No, Lisa. You tell Rachel she needs to change.

I'm not going nowhere looking like her twin.

She's trying to put me in a coma.

Mm. Nobody. Nobody is going to the party, okay?

What are you talking about? I've been looking forward to this party all year.

Me, too.

Mom's not letting anyone go to the party until we figure out who broke her clock.

Oh.

That old ugly, busted down clock right there?

Honey, I will buy you a new clock.

I don't even know why she cares about the stupid clock.

I swear, it's uglier than your husband.

You know what's better than a clock and also tells time?

A cell phone.

[Laughing]

It's not about the clock. It's the principle.

Wait a minute, you two were here on Thursday. Did you break the clock?

Are you serious?

Very.

[Instrumental music]

[Instrumental music]

[Tony] You solved it, Lisa. Your two sisters broke the clock and I

fully support you if permanently ban them from this house.

Wait a minute, am I seriously being accused of breaking some old damn clock?

Lisa, I am your sister. Now, I may have slept with your ex-man.

But I would never break your little raggedly-ass clock.

Okay. Then you'll have no problem telling me what happened

on Thursday, because I clearly remember leaving you two alone

in the living room.

Oh!

Don't worry, I'll wait.

[Harp music]

What time is it?

Y'all going to make me miss my stories.

Your stories? You sound like an old-ass lady.

Get you some cats and some crossword puzzles and you'll be an old-ass, crazy-ass cat lady.

[Chuckling]

Don't judge me. I may not have a man, but I have my soaps.

All right, Eartha Kitt. [Purrs]

What soap is that?

I'm currently into The Young And The Thirsty.

Doesn't that one actress look just like Lisa?

Everybody says that. Please. She wishes she looked like Lisa Stallworth.

Mm hm.

Anyway, I gotta go to the store. I'll see y'all later.

Okay, this scene right here? Storyline. This woman fell in love with this man.

But he fell into a coma, so she fell into bed with his twin brother.

Mm. Well, he's in a coma, I don't even think it counts as cheating.

Plus, he's a twin, so it's more like a tribute.

So, you're telling me, that if you fell into a coma, you wouldn't

care if your girlfriend slept with me?

Well, you wouldn't sleep with her. You're straight.

Hypothetically speaking.

Hypothetically speaking, I'd be in a coma so I really would be

more concerned with getting out of the coma than whether or not

my girlfriend was cheating on me.

And that right there is why you can't keep a relationship.

Because you don't care.

Excuse me, but you don't have a man.

Yeah, I may not have a man right NOW, but if I had a man, I know

I wouldn't want him in the bed with you while I was in a damned coma.

You wouldn't even know. You know why?

Because you'd be in a coma!

If I was in a coma and I saw you sleeping with my man when I came

up out the coma, I'd put you right back in the coma, 'cause

there ain't nobody...

Okay.

[Simultaneously yelling]

Wait a minute, why are we sitting here listening to y'all argue about a soap opera?

Wait a minute that might actually be really helpful.

Ebony, check that T.V. Guide and tell me what time The Young And The Thirsty comes on.

Whoa, whoa, wait. Why do you still get a T.V. Guide?

They probably forgot to cancel their subscription from fifteen years ago.

Wait, who forgot the what?

It's only twenty dollars a year, Tony.

That's three hundred dollars!

With that money, we could afford to buy your sister's a kennel.

It comes on at twelve thirty.

Really? Wow. So, you two couldn't have broken it.

Nobody broke your clock, Mom! Can we just go?

[Knocking]

Ah, what's up, Donnie? You uh, you a detective?

What gave you your first clue, Tony?

Sherlock Homie at your services.

Or is it service?

Anyway, y'all ready to get to this bomb-ass party?

We're not going anywhere until I found out who broke my clock.

Somebody broke your clock?

Lisa's right. We ain't going nowhere until I get to the bottom of this.

Everybody give me your alibis.

We've already been through this.

Well, be through it again. Sherlock Homie's on the case.

[Instrumental music]

[Donnie] Okay, I've hold all your stories.

And I think I know who did it.

Well?

Oh, my bad. Lisa.

[Gasps] Hater!

You're not serious?

At first, I said, why would Lisa break the clock?

It's her clock, what would be her motivation?

And then if she did break it, why would she accuse somebody?

Exactly. Why, Sherlock Homie, why?

Because Lisa didn't want to go to the party and she wanted to

keep all of us from going to the party.

[Gasps] Hater!

Why would I not want to go to the party?

I'm still trying to figure that one out.

But, you're the Bride of Frankenstein. You probably

didn't want to run into, into the side chick of Frankenstein.

Donnie, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Look, Mom. I broke your clock. You can punish me if you want to.

Oh, but just wait until after the party. He's so cute and hairy.

No, Mom. Don't punish Devin. I broke the clock.

Ebony.

No, no, no. I broke the clock.

I was juggling it with some, with some chainsaws and it fell.

Really, Tony? That's, that's really not funny. But at least now I know you broke the clock.

Yes, I did. I broke it.

I knew it. Honey, that is grounds for divorce.

I can have the paperwork drawn up by Monday.

Psf, I've been waiting on y'all to get a divorce. Why do you think

I be hanging around so much?

But anyway. I think I know who did it.

What's your theory, Sherlock Homeless?

I broke the damn clock.

[Gasps]

Yeah, remember the other night when Tony was telling you he got me a Goober?

Well, I was watching t.v.

[Harp music]

Oh! I get it. They're young AND they're thirsty.

Why does that girl look like Lisa?

[Horn honking]

Oh, damn. That's my Goober driver.

Man, that's the best part!

That's a nice clock. What is this an antique?

Oh!

[Crashing]

No, it's cool. I'm just letting myself out.

So that's it?

That's it. I broke your clock and glued it back together. Sorry.

Case closed. Can we go now, Mom?

Please, Mom, please?

I'm not going nowhere until this one changes her costume.

Oh, then you ain't going nowhere cause I ain't changing.

Wait, Donnie, if you broke my clock, why didn't you just tell me?

Who the hell cares?

Look, Honey. I mean uh, Lisa.

Well look, you know I was going to tell you but then I decided not to.

I figured you'd get mad so I said forget it. End of story.

Are you satisfied now, Lisa?

I guess.

All right, y'all want to go to the party?

[Unison] Yes!

[Instrumental music]

[Instrumental music]

I ain't goin' lie, now that party was crunk.

Lit, Dad. It was lit.

I can't believe I lost the costume contest to another Nicki Minaj.

I think that was the real Nicki Minaj. Ain't no mistaking the junk in that trunk.

I can't believe that there was six other genies at the party.

I was still the best looking one.

You mean, we were the best-looking ones.

I said what I meant.

You know, there's still one thing I don't get, Donnie.

If you broke the clock the night Tony called you the Goober, it

wouldn't have been broken at three fifteen.

Do I look that dumb? After I broke the clock, I changed the time to frame somebody else.

That's actually pretty smart.

Yeah. Lisa, don't trip off this clock. Like I know a guy who

fixes clocks down at the pawn shop.

He fixes watches, clocks, Glocks. I'll take this down to

him in the morning and he'll fix the whole thing...

[Gasps]

[Unison] Donnie!

[Arguing over each other]

Selfie!

[Instrumental music]