Original subtitles

****

Hey baby! Can you put out those plates for me?

- Sure Mom. - Thank you!

Why you trippin? There's enough for me to go around?

If you don't get off that phone...

Can you please put out the silverware for your mom? I'd appreciate it.

Looks like I came right on time!

[ Kissing noises ] Hey baby how was your day?

Oh it wasn't bad.

Except one of my client's brought his kids into my office and they were awful.

Touching everything, coughing and sneezing all over the place.

I was like can you please control your bad ass kids?

Hmm, well you know all kids can't be as well behaved as ours.

- Can you start at that end? - You start at that end!

I see what you mean.

Well let's eat come on!

Yes, yes. Hey hey hey!

What the hell, you gonna say Grace first?

Jesus can we eat? Thank you!

[ Laughing ]

Heh, These two.

Come on boy, hurry it up with that rice.

[ Coughing ] Ewwwww!

Tony!

Sorry. I'm sorry. It just slipped out.

- Gross, dad! - Geesh!

I'm glad I got mine.

Sure you're not catching a cold?

Naw, come on now.

You did say those kids were coughing and sneezing over everything.

Well us Stallworths have something that get's on us that we don't like

We just shake it off. We got the immune system of a bucking bronco.

Ah, well that sounds like some bull to me!

Why don't you take some cold medicine. Just play it safe.

It's just a little cough.

Or maybe we can make you some soup or tea.

I'm fine baby, thank you.

Or maybe we can take you to the ER just like mom do when we get sick.

Hell no. Have you seen them ER bills.

Oh that's right. You don't pay them.

A thousand dollars for a penicillin shot. No thank you.

You know what, you right. We're probably overreacting.

Of course you are. [ Sneezes ]

[ ALL ] Ewwwwww!!!

- Tony! - Did I get any on you?

My fault. My fault.

* Woke up and my wife said to me *

* "The bill collectors want their piece" *

* Kids keep talking back to me *

* Family time

* Family time, family time *

* Family time.

****

Ah, here we go.

What you talking about boy?

You're sick and we all know how you get when you're sick.

What are you two babbling about?

Oh it's true Tony.

You act like a big baby. A regular ole momma's boy

You take that back cause that is not true at all.

C'mon dad, it's kinda true. Remember your hurt ankle?

I wasn't sick. That was an injury. I was wounded!

Wounded, Tony?

I fell off of the roof!

And you landed in some bushes.

Rose bushes, Lisa. Un-huh.

I had thorns all in my ass. I took them thorns like a champ!

Girl that is not the real issue okay.

The real issue is I sprained my ankle!

Oh, I have never seen anyone act the way you did over a simple, sprained ankle.

Owe!

Owe. Owe!

Owe, Lisa!

Lisa.

Lisa!

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.

What is it now Tony?

Oh it's getting black. I can't see. I can't feel my leg.

Cause there's ice on it Tony. That's why.

It's too cold. Could you warm it up for me?

It's ice Tony, it'll melt. |

Could you just rub it until the feeling come back?

No Tony, MedMD said to keep it elevated with plenty of ice.

Well, did MedMD say to kiss your husband on the forehead at least

twice every fifteen minutes make sure he feels secure while he's writhing in pain?

No it did not say that but here you go.

[ Kissing Noises ] Mmmkay?

There's four so I don't have to see you for 30 minutes.

Okay, wha... where you going? Where you going?

I told you I'm working on a painting Tony.

Alright fine, go ahead. Go

- Gah! - Don't worry about me!

Just leave me here to...

Devin!

Devin! What happened to that soda pop I asked for?

Soda! Devin!

Here you go, pop.

Ha-Ha! Pop! I like that.

Like soda pop.

It's good to keep our sense of humor in these times of sorrow.

You're right, you know. But I gotta go Dad.

Cause my friends are waiting on me.

Wait , wait, wait....

Oh yeah, the straw. We've been down this road before.

Ah, you know you are my favorite child.

For real?

Oh yeah. If I don't make it through this you can have all my Jordan's.

Cool cause you don't got more than a year left anyway.

[ Stammers ]

Ebony!

[ Sing Song ] Ebony **

[ Grouchy ] Ebony. Ebony. Ebony.

Yes Daddy?

Hey baby could you hand me that soda please?

-Really? - But I can't reach...

- Really? - I can't reach it from here

What if I sprain my...

Ah!!! Wha wha...that's good. Can Daddy have one more sip?

Just one more little bitty sip? That's all I ask.

Ah, Thank you that's so good. It's good to stay hydrated.

Cause you know I get de- Hey baby, where you going?

Eh... Ebony!!

Everybody else left. Is Donnie here? Donnie!

Donnie I know you're here eating boy!

Come down here boy and let me hollar at you!

[ All Laughing ]

No, no, no. That is not how it went down.

Oh you're right. We left out one major part.

Come on Tony please stop complaining. Just eat the soup.

What kind of tray is that? It don't even have legs on it.

- How's it gonna sit here? - Tony just take the damn tray!

Just put it down. Put it down.

Are you abusing my son?

Oh God. Oh....

- Oh honey. - It's bad Momma.

It's bad. I may lose the leg. I have no feeling.

Oh the toe is just no, everything.

Oh this is just painful to watch.

What was that Lisa?

Oh! I just said that it's painful to watch my husband suffer.

So much.

Well maybe he wouldn't suffer if he had something to eat.

Well that's why I set him up a tray Beverly for him to eat.

Oh no, no Lisa. This isn't the proper tray to give to someone

who's suffering from a life threatening injury.

He needs a bed tray!

That's what I was trying to tell her Momma.

I can't even reach this. It's to far.

Who can eat of that. Thank you Momma.

Oh you're welcome baby.

[ Speaks to Tony in Baby Incoherent Speak ]

Oh by the way, what did you prepare for him to eat?

I made him homemade soup.

Soup? This boy doesn't eat soup!

Oh, can you get me ice cream Momma?

The one's with the pralines and pecans in it?

I sure can but on second thought maybe we oughta

send her she has nothing else to do.

And mommy can stay here and nurse you back to health!

Why don't you breastfeed him while you're at it?

I heard that Lisa.

Well good. I'm glad you did.

And what do you think you have the right to talk to me...

No no, you can't talk to me like that.

[ BOTH ARGUING OVER EACH OTHER ]

****

[All Laughing]

Lisa, I can't believe you would lie like that in front of the children.

[Gasps]

They were there.

They saw it with their own eyes.

You were a real tough guy, dad.

Yeah.

Talk about milking it.

Oh, you gonna talk?

Naw, I was just saying...

Naw, naw, naw, naw.

You grin, you in.

Now remember when you faked having the flu last semester?

I was not faking it!

I was really sick!

[Transition Sound Effect]

[Groaning and Retching]

Ok, there, there son.

Are you feeling any better, baby?

No.

But I think I can muster up enough energy to make it to school today.

Oh no, no, no you don't.

You just lay here, baby, and you get some rest.

Ok?

But I have a really big test and report today.

Uh, son, we'll call the school and explain.

I'm sure they'll understand.

Thank you, Dad.

You're the best Dad that a kid like me could ever ask for.

You know I love you, right?

Oh wait...

God, no!

Oh!

Son, what's going on?

I'm seeing the white light. [Gasping]

Tony... Tony, do something.

What you want me to do?

Look, look, look, don't go towards the light, son.

Don't go towards the light.

Here look, hmmm...

Put these on.

That better?

Oh!

Oh, no...

You know, maybe if somebody was keeping me here...

Dad, you think you could get Kobe to come over

here, and bring an autographed Jersey?

I mean, it would mean the world to me.

But, son, I don't think Make-a-Wish does, uh, flus.

[Groaning]

I'll see what I can do.

I-I, no, don't go. Don't go. I'll see what I can do son.

I'll call him.

[Footsteps Descending]

Oh God, you two are really buying this!

Buying what, Ebony?

C'mon, Mom, this is just like Dad's ankle all over again.

But, I fell off the roof!

Ebony?

Is that you?

Come a little closer so brother can see you.

You mean so I can slap you back into reality?

[Gasping]

Ebony!

That is no way to talk to your sick brother!

Mom, he's obviously faking it!

Ebony, I'm very disappointed in you.

Mom, Dad, don't get mad at Ebony.

She knows of not what she says.

In times like this, you only realize the importance of family.

Oh, Jeez!

Ebony?

I feel like I'm gonna pull through.

But if I don't, that's my will.

Oh!

I would like you to have all my worldly possessions.

Mmm!

That is so sweet!

Really, Mom?!

Really?!

That is enough out of you, young lady!

I'm taking you to school. Come on, let's go.

[Groaning]

You know what? I...

I gotta run some errands.

Ok, good, we got the pillow here.

Um, I'm gonna call and check on you, Ok?

Don't worry about me, Mom.

Go get those errands done.

I'll be your strong little soldier.

Ok, my little strong soldier.

I love you!

[Mumbling and Groaning]

[Door Closes]

[Phone Beeping]

Man, Rodney, Ditch Day's officially on!

Go get the homies and we on it!

I know!

Come on.

[Phone Beeps]

[Muttering To Himself]

I'm mad fitted, Ok!

[Hip Hop Music Loudly]

[Cheering with Music]

[Music Continues]

[Speaking Indistinctly]

Now this is what I call a kickback!

Are y'all all having a good time?

[Crowd Agreeing]

That's what I'm feeling!

What's up, boy?

See you, Ushar, with the dreads.

Ok, my man?

Now what were y'all two's names again?

Cute...

[Laughs]

And Cuter?

Anyway, I'm Devin.

This is my house.

Wait a second, did y'all hear that?

I think that's my Dad's car.

Yo, that is my Dad's car!

This kickback is officially over!

Come on! Kick rocks!

Y'all gotta go!

All y'all, get! Go on!

Go on! Go!

Toshi, Ushar, I don't know why y'all are still sitting here!

Y'all gotta kick rocks, too!

Woah, your Dad know me!

I don't care!

Are you just gonna bold-face take my pretzels?

[Dishes Clattering]

[Door Opens]

Mom?

Dad?

Is that you?

Yeah, baby.

It's us.

Uh...

You feelin' any better?

I'm just in a little pain, but, I think I'll make it through.

Oh, yeah, I think you'll make it through, too.

Come on, Michael.

Come on. Come on.

Out the front.

M-Michael was just bringing me my homework.

Mm-hmm.

[Door Closes]

[Struggling]

A-ha!

It's a miracle!

I've been cured!

And my clothes are on!

And I can walk again.

Ebony!

I've been cured!

Sorry I missed you kickback, bro.

I got your email, but some of us had to go to school.

Bad Devin!

Bad Devin!

You're gonna be grounded for a month!

Yeah, you ain't gettin' off that easy.

If I still got it. [Ascending Stairs]

I told you so! You guys never listen to me.

I don't want to hear it.

You did, but I don't want to hear it.

[Footsteps Descending]

Glad you enjoyed the party!

Keep going. Get out!

Naw, I don't want none of that!

[Door Closes]

****

****

Mm-hmm.

[Laughing]

Ok, ok, ok!

So I embellished a little bit.

You mean you lied...

What about you, you little snitch.

I never faked being sick like you.

Oh, it was way worse with you.

What?

It's not my fault they had to take my tonsils out.

Yeah, but it was your fault we had to take out a second mortgage.

[Transition Sound]

[Yelling Hoarsely] Mommy! Daddy!

[Vase Shattering]

Ebony! Baby, are you ok?

[Yelling Hoarsely] No I'm not ok!

Well, you gotta speak up, baby, we can't understand you.

Ok, she just had her tonsils taken out Tony, she can't speak up.

That's right, I forgot.

Uhm, you want some more ice cream.

[Hoarsely] No!

No?

What kind of kid don't want ice cream?

Uh, Jell-o?

You want some Jell-o?

No!

I want...

I want...

We can't understand you, babe.

[Phone Beeping]

What...

What is she doing?

I don't know, maybe she's texting, or Morse Code, maybe?

[Phone Beeps]

She wants to go downstairs and watch TV.

Well, why didn't you say so, baby?

Hey, hey, Devin, help me get her up.

Oh, Ok. Careful.

[Screaming]

Oh! Oh! Are you ok?

[Phone Beeping]

What is she, what is she doing now?

She texting you? [Phone Beeps]

Mmm, she says she can't go back downstairs because she's in too much pain.

But would the two of you be kind enough to pick her up a brand new flat screen TV?

Flat screen TV?

Well, you know what, Lisa?

It's ok, because they got those new 20 inchers that are less than $100.

[Hoarsely] No!

They more than $100?

Oh no, the price is going up.

[Muttering Indistinctly]

[Phone Beeping]

She said the 20 inch won't work, because the tonsillectomy

made her eyes weak, so she needs a 40 inch.

Wait wait wait, how come every time

somebody get sick, my pockets start throwing up?

Ok, Ebony, don't you think you're being just a little bit unreasonable?

[Crying]

Ok, ok, ok.

A 40 incher.

Well my birthday's coming up and y'all promised me a 40 inch!

Uh, let me finish that sentence for you.

We promised you a 40 inch, but after seeing your sister

in so much pain, you would rather she has it, instead.

Oh, that is so generous!

Oh!

But I...

Oh, I'm so proud of my baby.

You make me so proud!

[Phone Beeping]

She's probably, uh, texting you thank you over there.

[Phone Beeping]

Mm-hmm.

No!

She said, make sure the TV has 3-D and 4K.

Really?

Really?

I know y'all not thinking about getting her this.

Ok, you are all set up and ready to go.

Go ahead and turn that on.

Really, Dad? For real?

Oh, that's "In The Cut." That's my favorite show.

Yeah, though, that's a good show.

But I like the one about the black family that hits the lotto.

Something about that just hits home with me.

[In Normal Voice] Move, Dad! I mean...

[Coughing]

[Hoarsely] Excuse me.

Clean up all this, boy.

[Laughing]

[Transition Sound]

[All Laughing]

Oh, come on!

Y'all are putting way too much on that.

Oh, really?

Is that why I never got the 60 inch in my room?

Hmm, you know what they say...

"Whatever little mama wants, little mama gets."

****

****

You're the worst!

You're the worst!

Nah!

Both of y'all are terrible!

Ok.

Alright.

Enough of the sick talk.

Let's get off it.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

You're not getting off that easy.

Because when it comes to being sick, you are the absolute worst!

I resent that.

Now, Dad's right.

Every time you get sick, the fangs come out.

Yeah, I keep a spare crucifix and some garlic, just in case you get sick.

Oh, so I'm a vampire now?

Now, I don't know about a vampire, but you definitely become a monster.

No offense.

I'm not suppose to take offense to you calling me a monster?

I meant no offense to monsters.

Remember last spring?

[Transition Sound]

It look like she got Ebola.

[Sniffles]

Hey!

Hi, Mom, uh...

Are you feeling ok?

Do I look Ok?

I feel terrible!

[Snorts]

Oh, you know...

You know you wouldn't be able to tell, 'cause you look beautiful as ever.

Mmhmm. Mmhmm.

Where's your father?

Huh?

Where is he?

Is he too cowardly to bring me the food himself?

Tony!

Huh?!

No, no, no, he's still at work.

Have some soup!

Mmhmm.

[Muttering]

There...

[Spitting]

Ugh!

Ugh!

You call that soup?!

You must've learned how to cook from Tony's mother!

Well, uh...

Is there anything else that we can get you?

No.

What you can do is get out!

You ain't gotta tell me, twice.

Devin, please...

Mom, are you sure you don't want any company?

[Roaring] Get out!

[Roaring Continues]

[Glass Shattering]

****

I don't get it, Dad.

You hate camping out.

Oh, you get it.

You saw what your mother looked like.

You expect me to sleep in a bed with that?

You got a point there.

I broke up with a girl once because she had a pimple.

How much longer do you think we need to stay out here?

Probably a couple more days.

But it wouldn't be a bad idea for you two to schedule some sleepovers.

[Demonic Voice] You're making too much noise out there!

Shhh!

[Whispering] You woke it!

[Demonic Voice] You know I hate you all! Bring me my orange juice!

I ain't doing it!

Me, neither!

Only one way to settle this.

- Dang! - Sorry baby.

Good luck, Ebony.

Dad, do you think she'll be Ok?

Oh, she ain't never coming back.

Mmm.

It's alright.

She had 14 good years.

Better her than us.

[Rumbling] Wait, Mom, no!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Mom!

[Roaring Stops] Wait, how did you get your head to spin like that?

[Roaring Resumes] Mom, no, stop, please, mom,

mom, no, mommy, no...!

[Transition Sound]

What? No! Oh my God, was I really that bad?

Worse.

We left out the part where you chased the priest out

the front door with a hatchet.

Ooh, ok.

Alright.

I admit, I can be a slight handful when I'm sick.

You think?

That's why none of us can afford to be sick.

[All Agreeing]

[Coughing]

Oh, no...

Can you cover your mouth?

Mmm...

[Groaning]

Oh no, shake it off.

Don't do it.

[Sneezing]

Oh!

That's it!

Round of 'Tussin for everybody.

We'll take some. Come on!

****